uncordialultima - Tumblr blog

[uncordialultima]

DIRK. LET THAT DOWN. I’M TRYING TO *SEDuCE* YOu.

Not working. 

this is only a quick dumb doodle so idc anymore about the terrible aanatomy and shit augh augh hahahaha

anyway a headcanon is that uu will drag dirk from his robots all the time and dumb him on a pile of pillows on the bed and cling to him in uncomfortable positions trying to cuddle with him and “seduce” him………………. whispers it’s the full yaoi

i’ll delete this in the morning or something idk

[uncordialultima]

Perfect uu headcanons. (Feat. Myself and uncordialultima)

[12:06:13 AM] Detta: he would punch dave so hard if he could!!!

and if dirk wouldn't just

punch him afterwards

[12:07:05 AM] dirk: hahaha yeah dirk would

[12:12:54 AM] Detta: he'd wind up punching back and then immediately apologizing because shit he just punched his only friend

and then he'd be like wait no what the fuck am i doing apologizing

[12:13:36 AM] dirk: and then dirk would noogie him

[12:14:08 AM] Detta: and he has no clue what's going on DIRK WHAT THE FuCK ARE YOu DOING.

[12:15:00 AM] dirk: and he'd just laugh and keep noogie-ing him

[12:16:45 AM] Detta: he flails a lot and then he just kind of slumps over and lets it happen

[12:16:53 AM] dirk: cutie

[12:17:50 AM] Detta: even after it's all said and done no one tells him what the hell just happened

so he pretends it's a natural human custom for accepting apologies

[12:18:02 AM] Detta: and the next time someone tells him they're sorry he tries to do that

[12:18:06 AM] Detta: and they're just like dude what

[12:18:10 AM] dirk: oh my god

[12:18:52 AM] Detta: it would be something stupid too

like if he were on earth and not a green skull monster at the store and someone bumped into him and said sorry HE'D JUST PULL THEM ASIDE AND NOOGIE THEM

[uncordialultima]

I AM STARTING TO WISH TO BE HuMAN. JuST TO HOARD A BuNCH OF HuMAN DELICACIES. AND THEN YOu KNOW. RETuRN TO BEING MY uSuAL SELF. IT'S SuRPRISINGLY DIFFICuLT TO ACQuIRE A LOT OF SWEET THINGS. THE SELECTION I HAVE IS NOWHERE NEAR AS VAST AS WHAT I WOuLD HAVE. WERE I HuMAN.

[uncordialultima]

[uncordialultima]

chocolate wafer roll sticks

[uncordialultima]

Something so delicious and so little be packed with tons of calories?! Ah, fuck you for being so fucking mouth-watering though. 

[uncordialultima]

[uncordialultima]

I'M SuDDENLY FAIRING VERY WELL ACTuALLY. I AM PERHAPS THE MOST JOVIAL I'VE BEEN. IN A LONG TIME. MY INNATE DESIRE TO KILL IS BuT A MERE TICKLE AT THE BACK OF MY HEAD. THAT IS HOW GOOD OF A MOOD I'M IN.

Ah thats a load of shambles and comfoolery on your side then!

but in other words how are you fairing?

[uncordialultima]

stillershades replied to your post: WELL. THAT WAS SATISFYING. TO SOME DEGREE.

the fuck did you do

NONE OF YOuR BuSINESS.

[uncordialultima]

WELL. THAT WAS SATISFYING. TO SOME DEGREE.

[uncordialultima]

emeraldandsilverbullets started following you

 nightmaresnightmare started following you

YOu'VE CAuGHT ME. AT AN AWFuL TIME. SO AWFuL THAT I CAN'T EVEN COME uP WITH MuCH TO SAY. WHICH IS WEIRD BECAuSE BOY DO I HATE YOu JAKE.

[uncordialultima]

WOW TELL ME THESE TWO DON'T REMIND YOu OF TWO CERTAIN SOMEONES.

TLC - Women addicted to Ventriloquism/Cats

[uncordialultima]

tactfultechnician replied to your post: 

What?

DON'T TALK TO ME. IT'S A FLAGRANT OFFENSE AT THIS POINT.

[uncordialultima]

IT ACTuALLY PAINS ME TO LOOK AT YOu. I'M ON THE VERGE OF CLOSING ALL OF MY VIEWPORTS. 

shut up im trying

well hey at least you get to stalk someone different

idk if you can focus that on me right now anyways

[uncordialultima]

Vlad “the Impaler” Dracula was a three-time prince of Wallachia, located in southern Romania, ruling mainly from 1456 to 1462. He is most famous for his harsh and deadly punishments against the Turks, as well as petty criminals.

Dracula’s favorite method of punishment was impalement, placing the victim on a sharpened stick so that the point entered through the anus and exited out the mouth. Some victims remained alive for hours, or even days, after being impaled. Unfaithful and sexually uninhibited women were impaled through the vagina. Thousands of these victims were left to rot in plain sight in order to frighten off enemies, including the neighboring Ottomans.

However, this was not the only method of torture Dracula made use of. Boiling alive, smashing of the head, and throwing the victims into pits were some of his other favorite methods of punishment and torture. He reportedly ordered a woman to have her flesh flayed off in a public square, leaving the pieces of skin and muscle raw on a wooden table nearby.

Estimates of the number of his victims range from 40,000 to 100,000, comparable to the cumulative number of executions over four centuries of European witchhunts.

[uncordialultima]

Peter Stumpp was a German farmer, accused of being a serial killer and a cannibal, also known as the “Werewolf of Bedburg”.

In 1589, Stumpp had one of the most lurid and famous werewolf trials in history. After being stretched on the rack, he confessed to having practiced black magic since he was twelve years old. He claimed that the Devil had given him a magical girdle, which enabled him to transform into “the likeness of a greedy, devouring wolf.” Removing his belt, he said, made him transform back to his human form.

He confessed to killing and eating fourteen children, two pregnant women, and their fetuses. One of the fourteen children was his own son, whose brain he was reported to have devoured. He admitted to having an incestuous relationship with his daughter.

He was put to death on the wheel, where flesh was torn from his body, in ten places, with red-hot pincers, followed by his arms and legs. Then his limbs were broken with the blunt side of an axehead to prevent him from returning from the grave, before he was beheaded and burned on a pyre. As a warning against similar behavior, local authorities erected a pole with the torture wheel and the figure of a wolf on it, and at the very top they placed Peter Stumpp’s severed head.

[uncordialultima]

WOW GROSS. YOu GuYS DON'T EVEN WALK THE SAME WAY. I AM LOOKING AT THE WORST OF ENCHANTMENTS RIGHT NOW.