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The spread of the black death.

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how do i lose weight?

i eat right, i exercise, and just kidding, i fall ill every week

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i am polish

so whisky will cure flu, yes?

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YOU’RE THE FACE OF THE REBELLION. 

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but you’re made of ice

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today i learned it took a team of 11 people to write fergalicious

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avenger-kitty-glorious-purrs:

This is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. Pun totally intended.

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Each ball weighs differently, causing each one to bounce to a specific height, and when precisely placed in the dust pans and thrown down 2013

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i wish the real world was like brave little toaster :)

SO WHEN I HURT A BODY PART ON AN INANIMATE OBJECT I COULD INJURE IT OUT OF FURIOUS VENGEANCE

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some douche i was at dinner with instagrammed their food

I don't know why it bothers me so much that I have to lash out at the internet.

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oh wow

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i woke up late for christmas when i was fourteen to find my dear mother, the gilthearted lush, had stolen from somewhere a christmas tree that stood unadorned in our living room. dad didn't like when mom stole, but had to be impressed at her ingenuity or drunken ogre strength, or the way mol's eyes lit up when she ran in the room. after breakfast, we threw together found decoration, mol making lacy wings from printer paper and a halo from tin foil to craft an angel out of an empty bottle of riesling. dad shrugged and said, at least she picked a white, while he worried in the back of his mind that she would grow up using wine like her mother did. thank god she didn't end up like mom.

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Honest Titles for 2013’s Oscar Nominated Films [collegehumor]

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not having a period is cool and all, but this is the top perk to being a dude