unicornhelmetus

[unicornhelmetus]

new rule you have to live to be 34. you cant kill yourself until you turn 34. jesus died at 33 you can do better

[unicornhelmetus]

Nothing hits like "romantic couple and a third guy who's not dating either of them but is definitely a part of this dynamic"

[unicornhelmetus]

[unicornhelmetus]

Please participate in my research (also, if you say other, please put it in the tags/comments !)

[unicornhelmetus]

ive never played baldurs gate 3 in my life but i just woke up from a dream where astarion had a little brother named bimbles but players fucking hated bimbles bc in the game astarion would care more about bimbles than the player so ppl started uploading videos where theyd kill bimbles and a video called “900 ways to KILL bimbles in baldurs gate 3” got like 10 million views and then bc of the backlash larian studios released a patch where astarion would kill bimbles early in the game if the player asked him too but he’d do it while shaking and sobbing in total anguish and ppl started posting videos of the scene where astarion kills bimbles with titles like “baldurs gate 3’s BEST patch”

[unicornhelmetus]

bastard sounds great in an irish accent. if an irish person calls you a 'daft bastard' it just feels right

the welsh have the monopoly on things ending in hell. fuckin hell and bloody hell hit different in a welsh accent. its like music to my ears

the scots have piss and shite for sure. "its pishin it doon out there" "this is a load of shite" absolute poetry

if i may speak for the english i think we do penis related words very well. dickhead, knobhead, bellend, etc.

and for all the shit we give them, you gotta admit that no one can deliver a 'goddamn' quite like an american. theres a certain weight to it that you just cant achieve in other accents. when an american says goddamn you know shit just got real

[unicornhelmetus]

I kinda like whatever the hell Morrigan and Alistair have going on. They should fuck once and then be really weird about it for the rest of their lives

[unicornhelmetus]

[unicornhelmetus]

I went to stupid bitch island and everybody knew you

[unicornhelmetus]

#Elmo's so real

[unicornhelmetus]

You're about to close on your very own, suspiciously affordable and comfortable house. Just before you sign the contract, the realtor shows you the required legal disclosure: your new house is haunted by the type of presence you'll get from this spinner wheel.

Of course it is.

[unicornhelmetus]

Here’s a short compliation of my favorite paranormal vines to help cheer everyone up

[unicornhelmetus]

finding out that ‘dont treat me rough treat me really niceys” is an actual lana del rey lyric and not just a funny meme phrase was damaging enough to my psyche

but then i looked up the lyrics and not only is that line directly after the lyric “drugs, suck it up, like vanilla icies” (rhyming niceys with icies) but also the first line of the song is “my pussy tastes like Pepsi cola”. ms del rey this is disastrous what are you doing

[unicornhelmetus]

stop glorifying and romanticizing weight loss, especially attained through illness & unhealthy habits

[unicornhelmetus]

[very clearly enamored AND elated] He fucking bit me.

[unicornhelmetus]

Can i say something problematique for terminally online millenials and people born after that point: I think the seeming lack of ability or willingness to call one another and chat on the phone with friends unprompted or out of the blue contributes to whatever hellish loneliness everyone is talking about feeling these days. Say what you want about boomers and old people but those guys mostly knew how to keep in touch with each other. Idk man call a bitch today

[unicornhelmetus]

Agates carved into orange slices by wutong_crystal_carvings.

Source: x