unimportanthoe-blog

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GREAT! Now I need to find a new way to get rid of people

It could happen to anyone. People bury a person alive to scare them or to get rid of them. In this situation, rely only on yourself.

Do not waste oxygen. In a classic coffin there’s only enough oxygen for about an hour, maybe two. Inhale deeply, exhale very slowly. Once inhaled - do not swallow, or you will start to hyperventilate. Do not light up lighters or matches, they will waste oxygen. Using a flashlight is allowed. Screaming increases anxiety, which causes increased heartbeat and therefore - waste of oxygen. So don’t scream.

Shake up the lid with your hands. In some cheap low-quality coffins you will be able to even make a hole (with an engagement ring or a belt buckle.)

Cross your arms over your chest, holding onto your shoulders with your hands, and pull the shirt off upward. Tie it in a knot above your head, like so: 

This will prevent you from suffocating when the dirt falls on your face. 

Kick the lid with your legs. In some cheap coffins the lid is broken or damaged already after being buried, due to the weight of the ground above it. 

As soon as the lid breaks, throw and move the dirt that falls through in the direction of your feet. When it takes up a lot of space, try pressing the ground to the sides of the coffin with your legs and feet. Move around a bit. 

Whatever you do - your main goal is to sit up: dirt will fill up the empty space and move to your advantage, so no matter what - do not stop and try breathing steadily and calmly. 

Get up. Remember: the dirt in the grave is very loose, so battling your way up will be easier than it seems. It’s the other way around during a rainy weather however, since water makes dirt heavy and sticky. 

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…They did what… to you? No. I will make them pay. You’re fucking mine. And nobody, nobody, lays a goddamn finger on you.

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Ohmygodican'tunthinkit

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Hey is the build a bear employee supposed to force us to jump up and down or are we getting hazed

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Me: *checking out someone at GothTopic as the only on duty cashier, working pretty quickly, but I do have a small line of 3 people accumulated, including the one person I’m helping*

Customer #2: *points at my manager who is clocking in for work* IS SHE OPEN?!

Me: No she is not. :^)

Customer #2: UGH! This is ridiculous!

Me, slows down checking out the customer in front of me: So how was your day? Find everything okay? Doing anything fun this weekend? Where’d you go to school? Favorite color? You got any pets? Got any pictures of your pets? How’s your mother?

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I love this "eat shit" "eat shit and die"

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dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

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When one of your customers spanks your ass

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Every day.

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Farewell online privacy

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Mcbox

I drive up to McDonald's drive through machinery

Speaker: Welcome to jack in the box would you like to try-

Me:*existential crisis* *I wanted a happy meal? Guess I'm getting tacos?*

Speaker: OMG what am I doing?! I'm sorry, I work at jack in the box. Welcome to McDonald's how can I help you

Nothing bad, we just laughed about it a bit. Just a cute human blunder.

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I 👏 am 👏 helping 👏another 👏 costumer! 👏 Wait! 👏 For! 👏 Your! 👏 Turn! 👏

You're lucky I'd get fired for cussing you out

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If u see a guy with long hair he’s either gorgeous or fucking weird and the answer lays in what type of shoe he’s wearing

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I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again but it is absolutely an example of civilizational inadequacy that only deaf people know ASL

“oh we shouldn’t teach children this language, it will only come in handy if they [checks notes] ever have to talk in a situation where it’s noisy or they need to be quiet”

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