unleashing-nikki - Tumblr blog

[unleashing-nikki]

Body image struggles:

Trigger warning: brief mention of miscarriage

I'm 28 years old, married, and have 3 kids. I have scars, mental, and physical. I have always had self-confidence and body shaming issues. I am overweight and trying to get back to my goal, but mentally, it's been a challenge above everything else. I was 90 lbs when I got pregnant(second pregnancy after miscarriage) with my oldest. By the time she was born, I was 140 lbs. With my next pregnancy, I struggled really badly with depression and ate my feelings the entire time. I was over 200 lbs when my son was born. My depression continued, and I gave up caring about myself. Finally, 4 years later, I decided I needed to make some changes to my weight. Lost 37lbs in 8 months, scheduled a partial hysterectomy.. and before they could do it, they informed me I was pregnant again. After my youngest was born, I started trying to lose weight again. I had only gained 16lbs during this last pregnancy and have managed to get back to 158 lbs. I also have begun trying to appreciate myself even as I am now.

It's definitely a very difficult journey. As a full-time mom and college student, I don't sleep very well and lack energy and motivation. Healthy food is expensive, and I am a very emotional eater. I have been planning on starting some 30 day work out routines, but I am supposed to be having a minor surgery, which they keep rescheduling on me 😑 I don't want to start it, do it for a week, then be unable to continue for several weeks while recovering, but at the same point it seems like if I just keep waiting, it will never happen.

So, today is a new day! I am going to avoid the mirror and scale, do a 30-day ab workout, and focus on cleaning the house and taking care of the kids. One step at a time, even if it's a very wobbly baby step!

[unleashing-nikki]

Hi there.

I'm not sure if anyone is ever going to want to read anything I post or will even care, but that's okay. I'm 100% doing this for me, and if I can help others in the process, then that's absolutely wonderful!

If you're still with me, here's a little about me.

I am currently 28 years old, married with kids. I don't actively have a job, but I am taking online classes for a degree in wildlife conservation. I suffer from several mental health issues, including: anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I have scars, mentally and physically. I have debilitating social anxiety, and most days, I don't want to get out of bed. However, I'm a mom. I have 3 wonderful smiling faces watching me, to keep me going every day.

I have never allowed myself to fully open up, express, and heal from my traumas, and my demons haunt me quite often. I have tried many different therapists and medications, with little to no success. However, I really enjoy writing. I also enjoy helping others, and I have always expressed myself better through writing. That is why I am here. I want to share my stories, in the hopes that someone out there, needs someone to talk to, someone else can relate, someone needs to know they are not alone.

Mental health is an issue that most people are afraid to seek treatment and support for. I can't promise to have answers, I don't even have them for myself, but I am here. I am willing to share. I am willing to listen. Together, we can face out demons and allow the sunlight back into our darkest nights.

🩵