unlessitsafarm - Tumblr blog

[unlessitsafarm]

[ hey by the way i have to say smth about soldier ]

[unlessitsafarm]

   「   ☯   RULES   ☯   ABOUT   ☯   TAGS   ☯   CREDITS   ☯ 」

⇄ if you’re interested ; personals please don’t interact

[unlessitsafarm]

DND 5e SKILLS STARTERS !             send my muse an ABILITY CHECK for a starter revolving around that skill, with the outcome determined by a d20    ——    (   dice roll generator !  )      

athletics

acrobatics

animal handling

arcana

deception

history

 insight

 intimidation

investigation

medicine

nature

perception

performance

persuasion

religion

sleight of hand

stealth

survival

[unlessitsafarm]

@talaraen

“Fashion police… You’re definitely under arrest.”

"Hrm... you're right.

I need way more medals on this uniform."

Which means: he needs to pull out the cardboard, scissors and gold paint again, because nobody here truly appreciates his effort enough to give him the medals he deserves!

[unlessitsafarm]

Hmh, no, that's not normal at all. All that red stuff is supposed to stay inside, he's quite sure... unless an enemy is vomiting that, and in that case it's more than fine.

"We don't know how much it'll take Medic to return in one piece!"

There are too many pieces. Of course he doesn't fully understands how the respawn machine works, nor is particularly interested into it, but... you know. If someone dies because of an extra hole in their brain and another because they turn into a human puzzle, of course the hole one will take less time to fix.

Logic, son. It's all logic.

"Fear not! I will return before you can say God Bless AmericAUGH--"

--he's suddenly forced to duck as several bullets fly over his head, barely missing his skull. There was no need to look over their hiding spot: the laughs of the BLU Heavy and Medic as they approached was one all of them learned to recognize and fear - one that's clearly meant to let everyone know that they're Ubercharged.

...crap.

"...new plan.

We wait for Medic to respawn."

Oh, th... this is bad. There is much more red than there should be. He endured the shock wave so well, he was immediately on his feet even when he slammed against the wall so violently. He felt invincible, not even a single scratch on his body. Who cares if everything hurt, everything always hurt! He's still alive, that's what matters! Then something started to hurt way more than he's used to. And then he started to vomit. Red.

He shouldn't be vomiting red. That's not normal.

« No no no! No, it's —— it's fiiiine, I'm fine! Super fine. » he stutters, spitting blood with every wet word. He feels his stomach turning, threatening another round, and he has to hold back the retch with all his strength. Seeing the poor remains of their Medic flying by definitely doesn't help though, he'll be honest. The head of the guy lands near his feet, eyes wide in shock staring right into the younger's soul. ... or. Maybe he's just being impressionable. Still, he slooowly turns the head the other way with his foot. Just... to be sure.

He's about to repeat again ( with much less conviction ) that he's totally fine, when Soldier instructs him to stay hidden while he looks for something to patch him up. That's worrisome.

« Oh God. ». His eyes stare at the teammate with something that might remind a little of pure panic. Last time he said it, he tried to bandage him with an enemy's intestine, screaming that in war you had to use anything that you can find. Oughh no no not again not again. « I-I-I'd rather wait for. Y-you know. Medic to respawn. Thanks for the offer. »

[unlessitsafarm]

@lovelybunchof-roses

[ cont ]

A new mission, finally! The RED Soldier never dared to complain, far from it - his role was to do what he's been ordered and order those beneath him, not have a saying about their battlefields! -, but leaving the usual dustbowls for new ones is always quite a treat! New sands! New derelict buildings! New holes where to fall! It's always the same, but with a twist!

All of this to say: he was in a particularly good mood, today. Maybe one wouldn't notice it right away... at least until one noticed his bouncy leg, almost as if he couldn't bear the idea of just sitting there and doing nothing for that long.

Or at least, he thought he was going to do nothing. Usually people avoid his company like the plague during those long rides. Wonder why.

"Greetings, son!", he proudly exclaims, even jumping on his two feet and saluting as the other enters... and admits, at least to himself, that yes. He did forget. Or, rather, genuinely believed her name was Spy. Miss Pauling introduced them, some time ago, he's quite sure... but he always had the tendency to space out when people talk too much and introduce themselves.

"Jane Doe, bit you will call me Soldier!." a big hand is practically shoved in her, squeezing and shaking it without hesitation. "There's no need to focus to much on names on the battlefield! All you have to know is that I'll make sure that no filthy BLU will defeat us once we reach our destination!"

[unlessitsafarm]

@notmedizin

"Soldier-- if you wouldn't mind." He turns, and there's-- wow that's two arrows sticking out of his upper shoulder. "Having a hard time reaching..."

"Hrm? ...oh, yes, of course!"

Just two arrows, this time? ...nice. They're getting better at avoiding that dastardly Aussie's caveman arsenal.

The arrows seemed to be quite deep, but likely didn't puncture anything vital. And they're close enough to be grabbed with just one hand - the other holding onto the Medic's shoulder to keep him still.

"Alright, Doc! At three...

THREE!"

No need to waste time pretending to know how to count. Might as well rip them out, quick and... mostly clean, just as if they were a very long, very sharp bandaids that splashes blood all over the place.

"That should do it!" cue a salute "You're welcome, Doc!"

[unlessitsafarm]

okay so little update!! i'll be around but i'm mostly working w queue in most of my blogs when it comes to long replies, asks and musing/aesthetic stuff -- unless something Strongly inspires me, of course -- and leave the daily check-ins for dash commentaries and quick back and forths!!

in the meantime i'm open for plotting most of the time, i updated the list of my currently most active muses aaaaaaaand i plan to remake some permanent starter calls!!

let's see what we can do besties

[unlessitsafarm]

FUNNY CLUB PENGUIN BANS  {Sentence Starters}                  warning: profanity abounds

“Why this?”

“I’m a fucking piece of pizza.”

“Ah, yes… my meth lab is ready.”

“Magic mirror, will I ever find love?”

“That’s illegal, people can’t do that.”

“Did you just propose using emojis?”

“I ain’t stoned… just slightly pebbled.”

“Wanna hear a joke? —— Your future.”

“Bitch, throw one more snowball at me!”

“I dare you to jump off. Do it for the vine.”

“YOU’RE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART.”

“What do you mean you’re being murdered?”

“Stop screaming, children. It will be over soon.”

“Fashion police… You’re definitely under arrest.”

“Will somebody help me hide this body in here?”

“Holy shit, Toto, we sure as fuck ain’t in Kansas!”

“GET IN, LOSERS, WE’RE GOING SLEDDING!”

“You look beautiful… NOT YOU. The newspaper.”

“You are a terrible singer, but you have a nice bod.”

“Excuse me, do you know where I can find the booty?”

“Why should you not touch this coal? Because it’s mine.”

“I could kill you right now. No one would hear you scream.”

“Not this shit again. I ain’t fucking with these Christmas lights anymore.”

“I’m sorry, but it needs to be said… that shirt makes you look like a cow.”

“When I see stars, I think of you. — Because you’re only beautiful from a distance.”

“I could go back and pretend to be you. they wouldn’t even realize you were missing.”

[unlessitsafarm]

What Tarot Card Are You?

The World

Power is a heady thing. Do you have what it takes to control it? You thought you did, for a long time as you gained more and more. Power only begets more power, after all. Mind your breaking point, mind your load, mind how high you’ve climbed up the ladder; it’s against regulation to stand on the top rung. You could get hurt up there. You could fall. I’m not sure that I could catch you, so high above the rest of us. Don’t look down. Mind the ceiling fan.

tagged by @notmedizin

[unlessitsafarm]

does soldier drink coffee or would one ounce of caffeine kill him instantly

[ Of COURSE he does!!! no breakfast is complete without ham, eggs and a BUCKETFUL OF COFFEE!!!!!!! ]

[unlessitsafarm]

FAVORITE FOOD, GO!

"C-RATION, Type C-3

I like the meat chunks and beans."

[unlessitsafarm]

[unlessitsafarm]

" i'm a dangerous girl and right now i'm losing my patience. "

  [ ☥ ] ]  RULES || ABOUT || TAGS || CREDITS [ [ ☥ ]

canon-divergent & headcanon-based ;; inspired by J.R.Milward's novels run by gio ; follows as infernalpursuit

⇄ if you’re interested!! personals don’t interact!!

[unlessitsafarm]

◄ FANDOMLESS MODERN FANTASY HUNTER OC

featuring Bloodborne, Pokèmon, Spiderverse, SCP & EVEN MORE verses

◄ crossover, non-mutuals & OCs friendly ; 18+ only!

     [ RULES • ABOUT • VERSES • TAGS ] [ CREDITS • TEMPLATE ] [ INTEREST CHECKER ]

⇄ if you’re interested!! personals please don’t interact!!

[unlessitsafarm]

"Doc, you should know me. If I knew where it was, I would've brought it here with me!"

Procedure that, with the years, went from a somewhat good, slow and attentive operation to using superglue, most of the time. It grows back anytime he blows up, anyway, so fixing it completely is kind of a waste of time considering Soldier's tendency of bringing a shovel to a knife, sword, axe or weirdly-sharp-fish fight.

"...so yes. Spare, please."

@unlessitsafarm asked:

MEDIC WE GOT AN EMERGENCY I LOST MY HAND

"Alright, alright-- calm down for a moment."

Medic takes the man by the shoulders, immediately inspecting. Holding up the man's hand (or, specifically lack thereof) by the elbow, squinting for a moment. Offering a conspiratorial smirk as an eyebrow raises. Soldier had come back from far, far worse than simply a missing hand. And he was nothing if not an expert at this point.

"And do you recall where you left it? Or are you asking nicely for a spare?"

[unlessitsafarm]

@lolliichop

The robot Soldier rises the shovel, ready to hit the real Soldier with it. Its hands lower violently, just to suddenly see they're empty, the weapon not in its grip anymore. The robot turns, confused ( if it can be considered confused ), just to see it in the hands of Retriever. Right a moment before he hits it as strong as possible, making its head fly out of the window.

He hoped things would've gone better. It's not like death is a big deal, but when he dies by the hands of someone made of meat, at least he could silently accept the fact that they outsmarted him ( which, honestly, wasn't that hard in most occasions, but at last on the battlefield he could consider himself quite clever! Sometimes!! ) and fought properly, at least for a bunch of hippie and/or commie scum.

A robot, however? It works with electricity, numbers, and a bunch of more mumbo-jumbo he doesn't want nor actually could properly understand. ...without a brain, anyway. Moving because someone is forcing it to, rather than ordering and doing what it's being ordered out of respect and duty.

Point is. Falling during a one-on-one battle with one of those oversized tincans - the best looking one, but still a goddamn tincan! - was embarrassing.

...maybe, in another time - a better or a worse time he isn't sure, it's a matter of presepective -, he would've felt embarrassed to be saved by a BLU, too. In another time, Soldier would've taken the seconds necessary for the robot to lose its head and fall on his knees to find his weapon again, fallen just a few inches away, and blow up both that thing and the weirdo in blue.

And instead, now, still on the floor, he salutes.

"Son. I won't forget that!"

Maybe this cooperation wasn't so bad, after all!