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(insane guy voice) i think i might like Lee Gyu-Hyuk just a little bit

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some older buried stars scraps (huge thanks 2 @/sternbilder for the translation of the qna !)

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caleb: no-return night illusio

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squall leonhart ffviii commission

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Selphie and Auron ejects the Malboros

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All finished! One of my fav protags ever. I love FF8 and I feel like it needs way more love. Did y'all play FF8? Did you like it? Did you skip it because it wasn't as popular? Inquiring minds want to know (mine).

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I have hate/love relationship with this thing. In one moment I think “is such a beautiful, so tasty work” in another - I hate it with all the fibers of my soul.

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scattered pieces🧩

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Death and the Maiden - Evan Character Study

Archiving this writing piece.

Death and the Maiden is a trope about the personification of Death (usually a man involved with darkness, death, and evil) interacting with the personification of a Maiden (usually an innocent or virtuous woman).

Fascination with death has been present throughout human history, but I believe the motif of Death and the Maiden exploded around the late Middle Ages onwards, largely in part to the Black Death ravaging Europe and forcing people to grapple with the concept of death. Artists of various mediums began to explore a fascination with mortality, desire, death, and taboo en masse [Death and the Maiden in Art and Music: A Timeless Motif of Mortality and Desire, 2024].

This tension and dance between life and death, and the personifications of Life and Death, naturally leads to romantic portrayals, with the most classic Death and the Maiden motif being the story of Hades and Persephone. Death, this overwhelming and inevitable force, abducts the innocent and nubile Maiden to destroy her, claim her, corrupt her, or seduce her. Following the progression of human society and their issues at the time (in particular the repressiveness of the Victorian era), vampires (and in extent gothic horror and romance) became another avenue of exploration for death, sexuality, and taboo targeted towards women [Gentleman Death in Silk and Lace: Death and the Maiden in Vampire Literature and Film, 2024].

Now, how does this all connect back to Evan from Light and Night? It's very obvious that the Blood Clan is analogous to vampires, but it's their customs and view of the world that seals how Light and Night's writers based the Blood Clan on gothic horror vampires. They revel in decadence and view themselves as superior apex predators to humans [6* Enticing Feast]. So, we have the connection that the Blood Clan, ergo Evan, is the personification of Death.

Evan views rabbits as symbols of purity and innocence [6* Illusionary Light] and has associated the heroine with rabbits [6* Sinful Love], and so now we have the heroine being the personification of the Maiden.

Additionally, one distinctive feature you see in Death and the Maiden is Death carrying the Maiden back to his world. This is committing raptus, the abduction of a woman to marry her. Although its meaning has changed, you can see this action preserved in the ceremonial "carrying the bride over the threshold" in Western culture; thus, when you see Death (or a monster) bridal carrying his Maiden its supposed to make you realize this trope is at play. Evan is the only one of the Light and Night men who carries the heroine as his bride over a threshold [6* Meaningful Contract]. He also confines the heroine in his world for a period of time [Main Story Chapter 17].

Now comes the best part, after establishing Evan as Death and the heroine as the Maiden, which is playing around with all the possible endings of the Death and the Maiden trope [13. Death and the Maiden II, 2024] to explore the dynamics of this relationship.

the salvation of Death

the corruption of the Maiden

the death of one (or both) parties

THE CORRUPTION OF THE MAIDEN. Throughout their relationship, Evan has always encouraged the heroine to express all sides of herself, especially her darker sides, like interrogating him [6* Sinful Love], dominating him [6* Stuporous Plunder], or possessing him [Love Makes Us One Chat Feature].

He literally tried to make the heroine his weapon in the main story [Main Story Chapter 16] and it's because of him that the heroine made her first real kill [Main Story Season 2 Chapter 6].

The most egregious corruption examples are when he makes the heroine share a sin with him so that they're bound together [6* Song of Sin and Desire], or when he mentally breaks her into becoming his tool [6* Crown of Ambition].

THE DEATH OF ONE (OR BOTH) PARTIES. The heroine has killed him [6* Elegy of Yesterday] and Evan has killed the heroine [6* Crown of Ambition].

THE SALVATION OF DEATH. I changed the order of the bullet points up there because, as an otome game with an ultimate message of hope and establishing your personhood, this is the best ending that everyone is striving for. For Death to be saved, he must open himself up to the Maiden and be accepted in his entirety, which is quite a struggle for a monster, but you can see the heroine insist on knowing everything about him, including his grief and disgust at himself and his race [6* Meaningful Contract]. She gives him her forgiveness and, most importantly, her absolute trust not to abuse his power over her [6* Prairie Fire]. Finally, the heroine has managed to convince Evan not to massacre an entire race and kill himself for now [Main Story Season 2 Chapter 9]. Evan is even starting to imagine different futures for himself [6* Yesterday's Rules].

In conclusion, this is the explosive chemistry of Death and the Maiden with Evan and the heroine. It's how they're polar opposites in many aspects but they're drawn to each other like a moth to a flame and find release in each other, be it salvation or death [6* Deepened Past]:

E: I have a deep impression of the Roche limit because the astronomy teacher back then made an analogy with it.

I looked over questioningly and waited for his following explanation.

E: He compared the two celestial bodies in the Roche limit to those in love—or perhaps two people in any type of intimate relationship. E: And derived from this that, no matter how intimate the relationship, the best state is to maintain a fixed distance. E: Once you cross that specified point of distance, one party is destined to be like a moth throwing itself into the flames, moving towards destruction.

His voice had no fluctuations, but my gaze was stunned for several seconds. Reason told me that this analogy had a certain basis, but some emotion in my heart drove me to have an impulse to deny this statement. Before I had time to sort out this inexplicable thought, Evan continued to speak.

E: But at the time I couldn't understand this and had no way of agreeing with it. E: Celestial movements can be regarded as a rule in the law of nature, but a relationship between two people can be chosen. E: How can there be someone who would approach another person, uncaring of the danger of being smashed into pieces?

Dusk sunk down and the night and lights outlined the lonely world. The noise of wind and insects thinned and so the world appeared serene. Finally, amidst this question, Evan turned his head to look at me. It was also at this time that I realized our hands that held each other were actually trembling slightly. Who was trembling? Evan or me? Perhaps it was both. Just like how, between me and Evan, it was unknown who it was that was willing to approach the other party, even if their body was smashed to pieces. It might have been both of us. I suddenly realized the reason I subconsciously wanted to reassure him earlier but didn't know where to start—it was because what Evan needed wasn't reassurance or comfort. He needed the forgiveness and reconciliation from this even less. What we both needed was to die a violent death together. We needed to fall together. The rims of my eyes stung so much they burned and, before the tears fell, I did my best to spread my arms into the largest embrace and hug Evan. Evan also hugged me. There was still crushed grass and small gravel on our bodies and when we hugged it inevitably made us feel pain; however, we still hugged each other tightly, in this heartbeat and in this pain. When I spoke again, my voice was a little choked up.

[MC]: I remember you once said we were like Charon and Pluto, always facing each other. [MC]: But Evan… [MC]: I don't want to just stand in the same place, separated by a set distance from you and face you— [MC]: What I want is that, even if I become pieces at the end, I'll cross all the distance in the world to walk to your side. [MC]: Maybe I'll turn into shooting stars. In that case, you can make many, many wishes on me. [MC]: Or, if I'm luckier, I can become your planetary ring and protect you forever and ever. [MC]: In short, I will walk towards you, I will stand at your side.

So, you don't need to go beyond your own trajectory, you don't need to be scared of losing control, and there's even less of a need to keep yourself tense and apply one program patch after another on yourself. I will walk towards you. Or, it's also alright if we walk towards the other person together. We'll both be smashed to pieces and we'll both turn into fragments or shooting stars. It doesn't matter. What's important is that we're together. The night finally flooded in, like a downpour or a light gauze, and it hid everything in the world inside of it, seemingly able to let people temporarily avoid the quake of the years. In this moment, in the night sky, a shooting star seemed to streak by. The torn up celestial body plunged towards the ground, and we held each other.

E: Thank you, [MC].

The curtain of night descended and the noise of the school turned calm. Gradually, the breathing in my arms also became even. I quietly lowered my eyes to look at Evan's sound-asleep face and his relaxed expression made my heart soften. The street lights of the school suddenly lit up and the incandescent lights made him furrow his brows slightly. I unconsciously copied how he blocked the sunlight for me, but that furrow didn't smooth out. A breeze blew through and all the dusty chaotic bits and pieces in my heart were blown away. My eyes curved and I lowered my head to gently kiss Evan's lips—his brows relaxed.

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final fantasy tactics is my favorite game of all time, but i've never really drawn much for it, the ninja job is one of my favorite classes and i especially love the female ninja's design!

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I haven't finished Gundam 00 yet, but I have to say I love that little dynamic of Setsuna and Tieria at episode 20. "Fuck you" "Fuck you" "But REALLY fuck those guys" "Yeah, fuck 'em" "Let's go kill them" "Bitch you're on"

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泪のムコウが見えるの輝いている 🎵

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Love and Producer Weibo Cons

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awakening clarence: the inevitability of tragedy, and what it means to be human

Human or robot, cyborg or android — how is humanity defined, and where is the line that delineates it? Expanding upon my Clarence monster meta, which covered his Godheim, Eden, and modern routes, this analysis delves into how the theme of dehumanisation presents itself in Clarence’s Awakening route — and why tragedy is endlessly, inevitably, intertwined with his being.

[ SPOILERS: Clarence’s Awakening route and his Faint Night Light SSR story, as well as brief mentions of his Godheim and Eden routes. ]

“In my mind, I still consider myself human, but you are free to perceive me as you wish. I don’t mind and I won’t dispute that.” This is the faith that Awakening’s Clarence holds fast to — he thinks, therefore he is. He has a concept of his self, therefore he is human.

This can be chalked up to the impact of one’s environment; for example, Archmage Clarence was co-opted into a scheme and transformed into a mutation at a young age, causing him to grow up with no other concept of the self than the monstrous one forced upon him. In contrast, modern Clarence had solid support systems around him, allowing him to develop a reasonably well-adjusted core identity. Since the Awakening stories are not set in alternate universes, but a potential branch of the future that stems from the present-day modern world, it stands to reason that modern Clarence’s perspectives and attitudes would carry forth into his Awakening timeline.

It is this foundation that affords Clarence the fortitude to hold fast to his belief, even when MC counters it with her claims that he is not human. Then Clarence sees how grief-stricken MC’s expression is, and decides to “respect her decision, regardless of the reason,” “if she is so firmly against accepting his view.” He puts her feelings above his own, acquiescing to her opinion despite it contradicting his. Even so, he still hopes that “maybe one day [they] can reach a consensus on this matter.” Deep down, Clarence still yearns for understanding, for someone to view him the way he views himself.

Awakening’s Clarence is an interesting subversion of his usual dehumanisation trope, running counter to how he often perceives himself as a monster despite being biologically human. In Godheim, the Archmage refuses to see himself as anything other than a monster that isn’t human, even though others recognise his good intentions. In Awakening, MC initially refuses to see Clarence as anything other than an android that isn’t human, despite his protests to the contrary.

(As an aside, there are further parallels between Archmage Clarence and Awakening’s Clarence; both put on a stoic front to protect themselves from feeling further pain. Just as Archmage Clarence spent a century in utter solitude until MC returned to his side, Awakening’s Clarence waited for MC to wake him from an eternal slumber, while she wandered that same time in solitude until she found him again. Both stories end with the promise of eternity — or at least a long, long time — together.)

Clarence’s unwavering sense of self in Awakening makes me think of the Ship of Theseus — when parts of a ship are replaced, at what point is it no longer the original ship? For Clarence, his identity hinges not on his constituent parts, but his awareness of the self. Even if his body is damaged, he is still himself as long as his mind is intact. Clarence’s memories, his reasoning, his emotions, are what form his identity. It is this central focus on the mind and not the body that leads to a lack of regard for his physical wellbeing; his health and safety are secondary to his aims.

In an attempt to figure out the physical properties of his body — whether it is flesh and blood or steel and synthetics — Clarence wounds himself on purpose, cutting through the skin not covered by his mechanical skeleton. He feels the pain as blood flows out, yet the wound heals at an inhuman speed, rendering him unable to “determine if he’s an android, pain and flesh simulated by advanced technology, or a human injected with healing genes.”

Clarence’s readiness to harm himself in order to achieve a certain objective can also be seen in the Book of Tales event, when merman Clarence deliberately hurts himself in hopes of attaining the mermaid’s tear. To Clarence, the injuries sustained to his physical body are insignificant in the face of a greater goal. As long as he can preserve his sense of self, his memories, his purpose, then it is enough for him. Ultimately, Clarence views himself as a tool — as a means to an end.

Arguably, Awakening’s Clarence demonstrates many traits that could easily paint him as a monster. When a hostile drone poses a threat, he destroys it with his bare hand, bolstered by the enhanced strength of his mechanical augmentations. Combat is woven into Clarence’s being; he is innately capable of destruction, in the same way a monster is. His internal programming makes comments and observations as if it is a separate entity, creating a stark disconnect between Clarence’s consciousness and the programmed voice in his head — almost like it is a monster lurking within him.

As much as his combat may be innate, though, so are his emotions. Clarence feels an instinctual trust towards MC, even if he cannot explain or understand where these feelings originate from. After MC falls asleep, Clarence reaches out to her but stops short of touching her face, empathy guiding his actions. “Have you spent all these years like this, slumbering alone in this barren world?” Clarence asks, not recognising that he too had slumbered alone in the hibernation chamber — only recognising her pain, and not his own. He apologises to her, despite not having done anything wrong, despite also suffering through the same solitude that she has.

Upon seeing MC injured, Clarence grows solemn and sorrowful, remarking that he thinks she is “strong, [admirably] strong.” “It must be tough for you[,] living in this world alone for all those years,” Clarence muses, extending her a compassionate kindness he does not allow himself — neither in this world, nor in others. “I don’t know why I [feel the need] to apologise,” he admits. “But I somehow feel that this should have been my responsibility. I should have stayed by your side. I shouldn’t have left you alone.” Once again, Clarence takes the blame upon his own shoulders, turning the guilt inwards. Even when it is not his cross to bear, Clarence nails himself to it, offering himself as penance for wrongs he has not committed.

Clarence is so accustomed to taking responsibility upon himself that he always chooses the simplest option, even if it comes at his own expense. Or perhaps it is precisely because it comes at his own expense, and not that of others, that he is more inclined to choose it. The Archmage did not open himself up to any other methods, staunchly refusing to entertain MC’s suggestions, because he was so firmly set in his conviction to sacrifice himself for his country’s future. The Falcon was ready to shoot himself, never considering the possibility of a third option in the dilemma, because his death was the most straightforward way to help MC achieve her goal.

In much the same way, Awakening’s Clarence dies to save others. His android selves were created both to “commemorate [the pioneer’s] sacrifice,” and for the express purpose of sacrificing themselves to keep his original body away from danger. Sacrifice is woven into their beings, just as it runs through Clarence’s veins. It is this enduring selflessness that leads Clarence down the path of a martyr, time and time again.

Awakening’s movie was a warning for Clarence that opened his eyes to the suffering that his selflessness can, and will, wreak in its wake. His diligent and conscientious nature often has him shouldering the weight of responsibility, but it can also lead to him losing himself in his duty. In order to fulfil his role to the best of his ability, he overextends himself, inadvertently letting himself be consumed by what he believes he ought to be and do. Clarence yearns to save the world, to protect the people that live in it, and so he offers himself up as a tool to be used. He gives himself over to his cause, devoting all of himself to it even as the burden of it devours him whole. A selfless sacrifice that saves countless lives, but that selfishly brings pain to those who care for him.

A good tragedy is at once avoidable and inevitable; avoidable because there are other choices to be made, and inevitable because its actors will always choose the path that leads to despair. It is written into their beings, into who they are as people and what they stand for. There is no other version of this tale, no better outcome, because they are human and they will not pick the rational option. They will pick the option that calls to their heart.

At that crossroads, faced with the risk of venturing towards the power plant and the safety of remaining with his companions, Clarence chooses the former. There is no doubt that he knows he is marching to his death; still, he bears the weight of this sacrifice, in order to fulfil his duty to protect his fellow fighters. Even though there is no guarantee that he will succeed, Clarence undertakes this lonely mission in an effort to do all that he can for the world that he loves. He opts to venture alone into the jaws of danger in order to keep others out of harm’s way, minimising the damage caused to the world and its inhabitants – even if, or perhaps so that, it deals the highest damage to himself. It has always been this way, and will always be this way, for Clarence. The core of the tragedy is that Clarence will always put the world above himself, his duty above his dreams, even if it comes at the cost of everything he is and will ever be.

There’s a parallel, here, with the story of Orpheus. You, as the uninvolved spectator, can criticise him for being irrational, for turning around and losing Eurydice. Yet Orpheus, in that moment, cannot possibly make any other decision. How can you fault a man for having a heart? How can you fault a man for being human?

For all that Clarence is an android, or a cyborg, or a mutant monster, he is also deeply, painfully human. It is impossible for him to be fully rational and objective, and so he pushes himself to his limits in an attempt to be, and berates himself when he cannot. More often than not, Clarence ends up dehumanising himself – both consciously and unconsciously – in order to fulfil his roles and responsibilities. Rather than having them guide his actions, he gives himself over to them, allowing them to shape the core of who he is. Clarence pushes himself to extremes that are rational in the logic of his worldview, but ironically irrational to the external observer that witnesses the depths of his pain.

One particular line in Awakening stood out to me: “What’s important is that you shouldn’t be sad. You should be happy and free. You should be the beam of light that penetrates the thick clouds.” While this line illustrates how Clarence prioritises MC’s happiness, it also illuminates MC’s role in his story. Her presence in his life teaches him that he can seek happiness for himself, too, rather than solely living in servitude of a greater purpose. She is the light that parts the fog, the sunlight that melts the snow. While she may always be part of Clarence’s motivation to save the world and the people who live in it, perhaps she may also become his motivation to save himself, too.

Clarence is always all too ready to be a martyr, because he often believes that his most significant contribution to the world is what he can do for it. As long as his purpose is fulfilled, then it does not matter much what happens to him afterwards; there will be others to fill his shoes. Yet MC, in Awakening, directly challenges this notion. “Clarence is irreplaceable. Even with the same appearance and body, no one could ever take his place,” she asserts. There can be a second Archmage, or another Falcon, or countless clones in his likeness – but there is only one Clarence, who is precious by virtue of who he is and not what he can do. Clarence, whose worth is not defined by his roles and responsibilities, no matter how much he believes it to be so. This is the arc of his growth – learning to view and cherish himself as a person, not a mere tool to be used.

thank you for reading!♡

if you have any thoughts about this meta post, i’d love to hear them! responses are always welcome, and my ask box is open~

for more lovebrush meta: here's my brief azure island analysis + theorising! nervously anticipating clarence's route tomorrow...

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Happy Mother's Day to Mother Li!

I felt it was appropriate to do a mini ramble about Victor’s mom today loool

(PG, please, I want you to release the character designs for Victor's mom and dad, I know they're hot AF and I really want to know who he resembles more)

I very much adore how over time, Victor opens up to MC about his mother.

Though at the start, he’s very standoffish about talking about his mother’s passing, to the point where he may sound dismissive of MC when she offers her sympathy in some of his replies, I personally, don’t find anything offensive about “No one can truly understand another person.”

It is true to some extent: Everyone experiences grief and loss differently from each other. The process of grief is different: when someone passes of a terminal illness; when a loved one dies in an accident; when one passes away of old age…Sometimes, it can be rude to tell other people “oh I know how you feel”, when it comes to sharing feelings.

(As an aside, it’ll always kill me that Victor’s father and mother were aware that she was terminally ill, but they wanted to protect Victor from the pain of having to grieve twice? if anyone shits on his parents for wanting to protect their son from a reality he’s too young to understand, I will fistfight you at the nearest waffle house I swear to god)

The death of a loved one is a heavy topic to talk about, especially when Victor had just confessed his feelings to MC. There’s a time and place for everything, even grief. Either way, no matter what SMS option you pick, Victor thanks MC for her words of comfort, knowing that she means well. (and, for her part, she's not offended that Victor turned her down.)

I love how over the years, how MC became a part of Victor’s family — from meeting his father and Aunt Grace for Chinese New Year’s, participating in Aunt Alice’s practice wedding (with Victor wearing the same tie knot as his father did),

to taking her to Paris to visit her house...

sharing the music that his mother listened to.

A lovely contrast of how their relationship started, and how their relationship changed over the years: Just like how I talked before about how Victor is MC’s safe harbor, a person she can trust to be herself and take her time to grow up, MC, to Victor, is just as much of a safe place for him as he is to her — she reminds him of all the important things: to enjoy life, that he too, is just a human being like she is.

Well, okay, I guess that last bit was less focused on Victor’s mother, but I adore how her love for her husband and her son carries on from the past to the present!!

Happy Mother’s Day, Mother Li!!

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oh damn

so I know I'm not super-active on here anymore, but i hit 300K followers on here, and i'm feeling a little sentimental at 1:30 in the morning.

13 years ago, I started this tumblr out of sheer desperation. I was 21 years old and fresh out of college, I knew I wanted to be a voice actor, had no idea how that would ever be achievable, no one knew who I was. I decided to make this Tumblr to practice voice acting and I pledged to make an audio post every single day. I did this without fail for years.

I started out doing fandubs and comic dubs and reading shitposts, anything I could think of. My Lackadaisy dubs were the first thing that got real traction, I'll always be thankful to Tracy for reblogging those (and yes, it is insanely surreal to think that a decade later I would be voicing Mordecai in an animated version for real).

I improved exponentially by posting here every day. I was entirely self-taught, I've never taken a class, I just practiced every day (even when there were countless days I wanted to give up) and through sheer force of will, I started to improve.

Everything I have achieved in my life so far is because of this Tumblr. I truly could not have ever dreamed of being where I'm at now and what I have accomplished. So whether you know me from my old shitposts or comic dubs or Goofy posts or Vines or YouTube videos or my professional voice acting roles, I just want to say thank you for your support. It's been a crazy ride. Looking forward to what comes next.