unofficial-trader-joes - Tumblr blog

[unofficial-trader-joes]

hmmm why does my uterus hurt and why do i feel kinda off. weird. surely these are not the warning symptoms of a predictable biological process that occurs on a regular schedule. anyway. im going to wear white pants today.

[unofficial-trader-joes]

Hannah Montana is fucked up because its entire POINT as a show is that children should be protected from fame and exploitation, but it stars a REAL little girl that's being exploited. Nearly every episode carries the looming threat of Miley being outed as Hannah and losing her peaceful teenage life to the ravages of fame. Her father in the show (played by her own father in real life) wisely protected her from the trauma of fame by making her wear a disguise and live a rather quiet, interview-free life. Meanwhile the REAL Billy Ray Cyrus sold his daughter to Disney Channel when she was 11 and forced her to read dialogue about how terrible it would be to face the public eye. Like... Jesus, dude. The fictional Robby Ray is 10x the father, and it's not even close. (It's also IMMENSELY funny that her dad doesn't use his real name in the show, while she does. Almost like he wanted a bit of a disconnect between his identity and his character. Something Miley didn't get.)

[unofficial-trader-joes]

[unofficial-trader-joes]

crabs are literally being forcefemmed by barnacles every day and no one ever talks about it

[unofficial-trader-joes]

I need y'all to see this

[unofficial-trader-joes]

the cashier at barnes & noble just gave me this duck at checkout and they said “i give these to children and people with a certain vibe.”

floored to know something about me aligns with this duck

[unofficial-trader-joes]

I'm collecting a list of Short Stories That Fucked Us Up As Children. reblog and tell me what I'm missing.

here's the list so far:

the yellow wallpaper

all in a summer day

fever dream

the lottery

hey come on out

by the waters of Babylon

the most dangerous game

flowers for Algernon

a good man is hard to find

skin

to build a fire

silent snow secret snow

bartleby the scrivener

i have no mouth and I must scream

harrison bergeron

lamb to the slaughter

the cask of amontillado

the telltale heart

the vampyre

where did you come from, where did you go

the monkey's paw

I'll add a poll in case it helps haha

[unofficial-trader-joes]

We finally did it, y’all! We’re married 💍

[unofficial-trader-joes]

Fuck it, I’m saying this one on main, name and all.

[Image ID: screenshot of a post in tumblr dark mode by user nottobeadickoranything, reading “Hey um, everyone,,,uhh do you think the Drake-Kendrick beef started to draw attention away from Israel doing a trail of tears in Rafah,,,,mayb??”

Under the post are the tags ‘kendrick lamar,’ ‘drake,’ and ‘free palestine.’

End ID]

We’re not doing this. We are not fucking giving space for this conspiratorial bullshit that mirrors white supremacist rhetoric about Jewish people using Black people and/or some cabal Illuminati nonsense.

Was the #beef manufactured at all? I don’t think so, but I don’t know.

Would an entire other government call up a pair of Black rappers and have them bringing up predator allegations years in the making only to start attacking once it all died down?

Use your brains! Help Palestinians escape if you can! Donate to the PCRF!

But this racist, antisemitic shit with no proof? We’re not fucking doing that.

[unofficial-trader-joes]

Huge fan of when my speech patterns rub off on people enjoy when thay happens

[unofficial-trader-joes]

the humble "like" is oft mocked despite what it does for us. "like, three people" is a vastly different statement from "three people". "and i was like 'what the fuck'" is vastly different from "and i said 'what the fuck'". i love you "like" and anyone who says you make people sound stupid will be killed on sight

[unofficial-trader-joes]

[unofficial-trader-joes]

this show fucked me up and I'm letting it.

[unofficial-trader-joes]

I finally watched The Sound of Music and like I get it now, I get it. 

It’s a beautiful two hour love story of a strict man finally opening his heart again and then a fifty minute public service announcement to hate the nazis. Brilliant.

[unofficial-trader-joes]

Note to vacationing non-Americans: while it’s true that America doesn’t always have the best food culture, the food in our restaurants is really not representative of what most of us eat at home.  The portions at Cheesecake Factory or IHOP are meant to be indulgent, not just “what Americans are used to.”

If you eat at a regular American household, during a regular meal where they’re not going out of their way to impress guests, you probably will not be served twelve pounds of chocolate-covered cream cheese.  Please bear this in mind before writing yet another “omg I can’t believe American food” post.

[unofficial-trader-joes]

We must unite for what is truly important