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Somehow I realized I am more than the situation I am in right now. I don't deserve begging for love. I don't deserve someone who isnt sure about me. I dont deserve someone who wouldnt risk to save what we have. I realized I sacrificed and gave more than I can give. I stooped so low, begged desperately and pitied myself more. I realized I satisfy myself with little attention and care. I got used to being neglected I got so used of crying almost every night while rewinding the past and kept asking myself if I could have done better. Suddenly I realized I forgot how it feels to be loved. I missed being truly cared without any doubts in my mind without second thoughts.
I am getting there...
I think I can only trust myself, I know I will be able to prepare myself and little by little this wouldnt hurt anymore.
April 7, 2021
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Isa, dalawa, tatlo...
Huwag ka na mag-isip pa.
Sa mahigit isang taong umiiyak ka.
May hhigit pa ba sa massakit na salitang nabitawan niya?
Isa, dalawa, tatlo
Magisip ka, alam mong wala na
Hindi magkasingkahulugan ang salitang mahal at naaawa.
Bago ka lumingon. Magbilang ka at magisip.
Isa, dalawa, tatlo.
Tama na ang sakit n dinanas mo.
Tama na ang oras na inantay mo.
Wala kang isasalba kundi ang sarili mo.
Isa dalawa tatlo
Paonti onti hahakbang k palayo
Sa susunod wala n siya s tabi mo
Sa susunod mag iiba n ang buhay mo.
At maiisip mo na magging masaya k din pala.
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I know I was unhappy. All the while things around me get blurry. People, places and time run past , and all I can remember was a blur.
When was the last time I told myself that I was truly happy? I know for sure I was lost... I created a path for myself but cannot see where I am headed to.
I forgot the person that I used to be.
And yet no one will ever understand. And my mind gets clouded by thoughts i cannot comprehend. Its tiring and overwhelming. No one can give me the right answers or if someone would, i wouldnt choose the right thing to do.
I feel like walking in a dark alley way, somehow someday I might be able to figure out how I could get through.
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