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I am doing my best to be a positive wife but every time I turn around I feel like he's comparing himself to me.

It's annoying. Like he's always talking about getting rich but is literally doing nothing but food delivery. Not trying to move up in life even though the money is bullshit.

And we're old enough to know that money doesn't fall from the sky.

Anyway. Told him how I wanted to start a page with just pics of the sky. Because I love sunsets and rises and clouds in general.

Do you know this man says that's what he wants his specialty to be. But it's annoying because I love taking close up pics of flowers and there was a bush I wanted to take a pic of. One I expressed to him and when I was finally like yeah let me get this pic. He literally got in my way and took like two minutes taking pics of shit he doesn't even do.

Then was like, you wanna see mine. I'm so fucking annoyed.

And everything leads back to sex. We could be talking about shit and he'll bring it back to fucking. and I hate that. It's not sexy. It makes me feel unheard and I keep saying it.

I literally made a comment the other day about how I wanted my hair to be longer for certain pics and this man said .. "like my hair"

Like for damnit. Everything is not about you. I'm frustrated. Like he doesn't even have any worthwhile conversations. Always about social media influencers. Never about dreams and plans. Unless it's about how we're gonna spend this absurd amount of money that we don't have.

Like sometimes I'm trying to write and he'll just keep trying to hold my hand. Like ... Stop.

And I may be triggered from my ex husband who felt that anything I did that wasn't spent on him, I needed to spend less time doing.

It's the same vibe. But I'm tired of the attitude and the comparisons. It annoys me and it's hard for me to want to fuck someone that wants to compete but also wants pussy.

I can't get this man to set his own alarm clock so he wakes himself up. And it's irritating.

Like he'll ask me "should I" about some shit that he knows the answer to. I'm not your mother and you're not a child.

Fool told me that he didn't want to go back to school because he sees me.

How are you seeing me? I'm holding down a full time job, full time school and completing novels and revisions and still working towards my real career.

You clearly aren't looking at me because I'm getting shit done.

I'm sure there is more to complain about but I can promise in this moment that I am not in love . I would like to be but I need change.

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So... Back in November I kicked my mom out because she was being disrespectful. My husband was unhappy. Her and her husband made it hard.

Anyway without getting into a story no one will read, she said she didn't do anything and basically accused my husband of coming between us.

I never mentioned him and I ignored her comments.

But apparently I don't deserve to have f.eelings and should accept the way she mistreated me because she's dying.

Lung cancer and still fucking smoking. Like you dgaf about urself. It was so hard realizing that no one really cares.

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Officially been homeless a month. I'm exhausted.

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I'm at such a sad point. I've been randomly crying since this day started. This sucks. I literally don't know how I'll survive. Or make it past this. It's upsetting. I wish I could just get help for a week and get back on my feet.

I'm so frustrated and scared because if anything goes wrong I'm out on the street.

We've had a place to lay out head but the expenses of living day to day is so high, if I don't get a lump sum, how will I get caught up.

How do I even find a new job when I have no idea where I'll be

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I was evicted. It's been almost 3 weeks since I've been homeless. Still in school fulltime... Stressed.

Lost my job and my home. Everyday we have to find a place to live. I've borrowed so much money I don't know how I'll pay it back.

Like things feel so bleak. I'm exhausted.

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Embarrassing. The things that are not ok. Pinnacle. This sucks. I have homework and bills and nowhere to live.

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Today was so bad I just wanna cry... But who has time for that

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Disappointment but it's like no matter how much I know things won't work out like that, I have this small amount of hope

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I know I'm horny when cismen attract me. Then again I wanna have a baby so that's a whole thing.

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14 pages for a first chapter. Tension the whole time and nothing revealed.

Honestly most of that chapter needs to be scrapped. I was more annoyed than anything.

My true feelings.

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There is nothing that my guides can do to make it any more clearer. I'm just worrying

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Stressed. Having a hard time feeling motivated. Got a disconnect notice gonna go down to the church in the morning to see if they can help.

Got a 5 day notice because rent.

Supposed to hear from the lawyers for the settlement. Hopefully they cut a check before we lose everything.

I know we won't. But I don't know how I'm gonna survive this

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Got a new offer.... Fuck it, let's make money. You know that last one I signed the contract on the 17th. It was already difficult to get in touch but I sent an email letting them know I was not happy with the communication efforts.

Still haven't been communicated with. Don't know why that's so much to ask .. but whatever.

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I guess I'm really saying goodbye to this A. And even worse my GPA. Even if I can still get an A... The A- might fuck it up.

Anyway. I'm gonna try harder.

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We are literally broke right now and I asked him to do a small grocery shop. Very specific. We have to eat until the 7th.

Bunch of drinks no veggies and they didn't have half the food we needed. I'm frustrated. Over it. All.

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Next. So I have tried for a month of applying for regular writing jobs.

One did hire me as a contractor but they're so dodgy. Communication is questionable so I just give up.

Next.bI write fiction. But I also love to analyze culture. So I'm gonna run both blogs on medium. Learn SEO and focus on culture studies. I love it.

I may take an extra class since I have space for my last term. Because I loved womens History. It was a phenomenal lesson. Im going to see into that for the future. At this time. I'm gonna do the new blog from a Black woman's perspective. Analyzing culture and history.

And this is the other kind of writing I'm settling on. And will avoid first person. And put out regular content.

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Update. Professor is trash. Always go with your initial reaction.