useyourwordspodcast

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The Very Very Damaging Reality Of Porn

So here is something shocking that you normally won’t read on a website - especially on one for a podcast. The thing is - here at Use Your Words we are all males - and while we try to model our lives after the teachings in the Bible - believe it or not we fail sometimes. And we fail more then we would like at times - in all regards up to and including pornographic usage. Now don’t get me wrong - we are getting better at this week over week and continue to push each other to be better in all things and especially in regards to this. In this episode we delve into some of the statistics and information surrounding pornographic usage in the world, and we focus on parts of the conversation especially on the United States. Some of the items which are constantly shocking are the statistics about the sex trafficking from porn creation/usage, how it impacts the brain, as well as changes what a person likes in their sex life. Some of the most disturbing facts from the website are as follows:

It’s estimated that most teens are exposed to porn by the age of 13

Another estimate indicates that between the ages of 14-18, 84.4% of teen boys and 57% of teen girls utilize pornography

Porn users (approx 46.9% as of 2016) indicated in a survey that over time their porn habits changed such that the porn watched either disturbed or disgusted them.

Of the 24.9 million forced laborers, it is estimated 4.8 million of these 24.9 million are trafficked for sex.

Of the 4.8 million trafficked sex forced laborers, approximately 21% (or approximately 1,008,000) are kids (kids….let that sink in…)

According to this article the average age of children that that were filed for pornography is 12.8 years old. 12.8 years old - kids should be kids - and this damages kids for life.

The most vulnerable children for sex trafficking come from “poverty, racial minorities, those who have experienced abuse or trauma prior to being trafficked, and runaway, homeless, or LGBTQ youth” - Source

Those are damaging pieces of information, and the worst part about all of that is that is just the tip of the iceberg - the tip of a very deranged iceberg that is only getting more and more perverted as time goes on, unfortunately.

The interesting thing about talking about pornography usage is that people (especially guys) tend to think that the usage of pornography does not impact anyone else, including their significant other. The truth is, pornography usage impacts multiple aspects of our lives up to and including our relationships with those that we care about the most.

I’ll be honest - this conversation that me and Aaron had regarding all of this information - we teared up while recording the episode multiple times - because all of the information that we went over was heart breaking multiple times over. There is a reason that the website is called fight the new drug - people are addicted to porn more and more - and it changes us in ways we don’t understand at first. So if you want to learn more about how pornography changes us, check out the website where we pulled most of this information. Be aware, the information is updated on a regular basis - and typically for the worst unfortunately. For some more information regarding all of these items, check out the website: https://fightthenewdrug.org/

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Judge Not! (or is that a ?)

Christians have had, especially in recent times, been known to be very judgmental. In fact this seems to be a cultural “expectation” of a Bible believing Christian when someone is found out to be one. And to be fair - some Christians do go a little too far on the judgment and don’t go far enough on loving people, and that is a problem. We are commanded to love - full stop. But at the same time there are also various verses which talk about judgment - specifically within the church. In response to the very judgmental Christians the phrase “Only God Can Judge Me” has popped up in culture - specifically in response to someone who claims to be a Christian and tells someone who is not part of the church that something they are doing is sinful.

And while this phrase is usually used by people to defend their actions, in a way they are correct - to an extent. Let me explain.

If you don’t read the bible - one of the most popular and quoted phrases from it is Matthew 7:1 - and not because people actually believe in the bible - but instead to try to defend what they are doing when something is pointed out. The phrase “Only God Can Judge Me” is in fact derived from Matthew 7:1. When people quote Matthew 7:1 in response to criticism - they ignore the rest of the verses after.

Judge not, that you be not judged

 The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Mt 7:1). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.

Seems pretty clear - don’t judge.

But here is something that people don’t remember. The Bible is literature - and like all literature - it has to be translated in the correct fashion. In other words, if something is a parable you have to translate it as a parable - you don’t translate it as a another type of literature - and context of the whole phrase is extremely useful and important for getting the full meaning.

Let’s take a look at the full section to try to get the full context.

7 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. 

 The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Mt 7:1–5). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.

Reading through this section, we are introduced to the idea of specks and logs in eyes - obviously not literal logs - but instead the log is used to symbolize how sin in our own life needs to be taken care of first before we should try to analyze other people’s sin - aka specs in other people’s eyes. We should be careful not to be hypocrites and take care of our own sin before we go around accusing others about their sin - as it does say that if we pass judgment on others the same measure (or criteria) will be used against us. This is to show (especially in context of the sermon on the mount) that God is the ultimate judge of all - especially those who are not a part of the church.

But notice something else that sticks out of the verse. Do you see it?

Maybe the following will help.

9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13 God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.” 

 The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (1 Co 5:9–13). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.

Notice in 1 Cor 5:9-13 that Paul calls for believers not to associate with those who call themselves brothers (or sisters) of Christ who are immoral (sexual immoral, greed, idolater, reviler, drunkard, swindler) but does make note in verse 10 saying “not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world….since then you would need to go out of the world.” In other words - those that do not claim to follow Christ and do not call themselves a brother or sister in Christ are not to be judged on their actions - and we should continue to associate with them with the ultimate goal/hope that they will see the difference in how we live and ultimately turn to Christ.

In other words - those who are a part of the Church and call themselves a brother/sister in Christ are to be held in judgment of the others in the church when they are doing something immoral. Notice that there is nothing in the list of examples of things which are not actions - they are all outward actions - and not inward thoughts/motivations. The reason for this is that we as people are unable to judge a person on their motivation - we can only see the outside on what is going on.

Ultimately we all will face judgment from God as He is able to judge both our outward actions as well as our internal motivations. And those outside the church will only see judgment from God and should not be judged by those inside the church as they are not held to the same standard as those who claim the title of Christian.

So the next time someone says “Only God Can Judge Me” - they may in fact be right.

We live in a world that has been, is, and will always be hostile to God and the Christian way. While we are to show our light to the world, we have to understand that we are strangers in this land - and will continue to be so until Jesus returns - which means always having to deal with things that are contrary to us. We cannot force our beliefs upon others - as that is not what Christ called us to do. He called us to love everyone - even our enemies and those we disagree with. And we also have to remember that to love someone does not mean that we accept all that they do (especially if it is wrong/immoral/evil to a Christian) or agree with them fully. We can love people while disagreeing with them. Love - in the truest sense of the word - means to want what is best for the other person. As part of loving a person we are to treat them with respect, dignity, and compassion at all times - no matter what.

Paul

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Can we text in our mental health?

The year 2020 has led to an increase in a demand for mental health services. With this rapid increase in mental health requests, and the increased need for masking up and being socially distanced - online therapy sessions have increased in popularity. In the rise of this - online therapy applications have rose in popularity offering the convenience of being able to text a therapist at any hour of the day and get a response - at least that is what is sold in the ads for these applications. Let's take a look at these applications and how effective they are - with opinions from someone who has been to therapy before.

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Population Implosion?

This week we take a look at some recently scientific research which suggests that instead of a population boom - we are on the verge of a population implosion.

Recently I came across a very fascinating series of articles on various outlets which outlines a single thread - we are on the verge of a population implosion and widespread infertility. This population implosion is due to changes in society (people getting married at a later age, people having their first child later in life then in the past), health issues (obesity, smoking, heavy drinking, marijuana usage), chemicals in the environment which mimic estrogen, and microplastics in the food chain.

The impact of these chemicals and microplastics is devastating to both males and females. One of the most damaging chemicals is BPA - and is one of the key reasons this chemical has been banned in some countries, and many companies promote that their plastics are BPA free. What exactly does BPA (and other estrogen mimicking chemicals) do to the human body?

Not surprisingly it impacts the two sexes differently. For males, it has not only physical changes, fertility related changes, and changes to the brain. For example males exposed to BPA/microplastic in the womb may have visibly a smaller taint, increased genital abnormalities, smaller penises, and smaller testicles. The non-visible changes due to BPA/microplastic exposure both in the womb and after can include reduced testosterone, lower sperm count, reduction in seminal fluid, increased testicular cancer, and increased erectile dysfunction.

Concerning lower sperm count, between the years of 1973-2011 there was an estimated 59% decrease in sperm count in the average man. According to Shanna Swan, by the year 2045 the average male could potentially produce 0 sperm. Besides the decrease in sperm, there has also been a decrease in testosterone on the whole, with some men at the age of 35 having the same level of testosterone as a 75 year old man in the past. Between all these changes, it paints a dire picture for the future of men as the years go by. Testosterone, the main sex hormone of males, is responsible for such things as a man’s muscle mass, skeletal frame, sex drive, facial hair, and other features typically associated with a man.

This increase in estrogen mimicking chemicals also causes a change in the development of young boys. Typically (according to a few studies that Swan citied) there is a language difference between young girls and boys, with girls typically having a larger vocabulary compared to boys of the same age. Due to the exposure to BPA in the womb, this difference in known words tends to decreases. Swan admits more studying needs to be done in this area but she wanted to call this out as a potential issue which may continue to cause problems in the future.

While the list is not nearly as large for females, it is just as important. Females exposed to BPA and microplastics may experience an increase miscarriage rate, earlier puberty and overall lower fertility. One of the articles has the following quote which summarizes the state we are currently in.

"In Some parts of the world, the average twenty something women today is less fertile then her grandmother at thirty-five."

Due to these health issues and various other factors (including changes in society, increase in usage of birth control, etc…) we are quickly seeing a decrease in the replacement fertility around the world. Currently 50% of countries in the world have a replacement fertility below 2.1, with most studies agreeing that by 2050 69% of the countries in the world will have this low (or lower) of a replacement fertility. This is important because scientist agree that a replacement fertility below 2.1 will result in a decrease in population. At current we are (worldwide) down to a replacement fertility of 2.4 - only .3 above the replacement fertility required to keep the worldwide population steady.

Since this is a very science heavy episode - the following links have been provided as they formed the basis for the information. All news sites(the sites that are just scientific papers are not rated) are Newsguard verified.

Links:

https://theintercept.com/2021/01/24/toxic-chemicals-human-sexuality-shanna-swan/

https://www.axios.com/falling-sperm-count-endocrine-disruption-59c8be98-bfad-4e9b-8738-985ece67a21d.html

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/mar/18/toxic-chemicals-health-humanity-erin-brokovich?CMP=oth_b-aplnews_d-1

https://academic.oup.com/humupd/article/23/6/646/4035689

https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/20459714-barrett-2014-environmental-exposure-to-di-2-ethylhexyl-phthalate-is-associated-with-low-interest-in-sexual-activity-in-premenopausal-women

https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/20460026-li-2010-relationship-between-urine-bisphenol-a-level-and-declining-male-sexual-function

https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/20460201-evans-2014-prenatal-bisphenol-a-exposure-and-maternally-reported-behavior-in-boys-and-girls

https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SP.DYN.TFRT.IN

https://yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/replacement-fertility-declines-worldwide#:~:text=A%20half%2Dcentury%20ago%20six,report%20below%2Dreplacement%20level%20rates.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/feb/26/falling-sperm-counts-human-survival

https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/5316830-EDCs-Androgenic-Activity-Perfluoroakyl.html

Listen to the podcast on all of your devices: https://useyourwords.captivate.fm/listen

Send us an email: https://www.useyourwords.cc/contact

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Covetous Culture

The age of the YouTube/Facebook celebrity has lead to a rise in being covetous over other people’s experiences and items which they are able to afford. When we compare ourselves to what others share on social media, we often forget to be grateful for what we have - leading to us always being in the pursuit of what others have. We always think that what the other person has is the best thing in the world - solely due to the fact that the person on the screen looks so happy in their destination/with their new purchase.

Wanting what others have can be unhealthy on multiple levels. But what makes wanting something covetous and not just a normal desire? When does it turn away from just wanting a toy/something fun to coveting something that is unhealthy?

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Bible Belt: Genuine Christianity

This month Aaron wanted to talk about what it means to be a genuine Christian. So join us as we talk about this topic over a drink.

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Rules or People?

"Somewhere deep down you know the difference Between love and following orders And if the chorus I sing is offensive It's proof that you've yet to address your disorder"  -- The Classic Crime - Glass Houses

One of my favorite bands is The Classic Crime - and probably one of the songs that first caught my interest with them was Glass Houses. It is more than just a nice catchy tune but also gets to the heart of something that has always bothered me about a lot of people - myself included at times.

Too often we spout platitudes and try to always go along with our ideals - even when it means ignoring the pain and plight of others. I am not pointing at one side or the other - in fact both sides have been equally as guilty of this crime. Christians have been very unloving to people in the name of being righteous - even to the point of failing to follow what Jesus called the greatest commandment - to love thy neighbor. We have failed this commandment time and time again - and you know what - we will continue to do so (unfortunately) because we are flawed humans.

You look at all of the civil unrest this year and yes - even those movements - are full of platitudes which ignore the pain of people. Their grievances are - by their own “holy” texts - able to be rectified by their own marches/protests/riots/looting/etc but they do this at the cost and the pain of others by either inflicting bodily harm, death, or “relieving them of their property” - aka theft. There is the belief that the rectification of the problem (aka being righteous) is more important than the wellbeing of other people. Proof positive that even the non religious follow religious patterns as well.

Now I am not saying that one is worse then the other - in fact both are equally as dangerous and as evil as the other. We may look at things from our own worldview and judge things as evil or good - but at the crux of the problem it really comes down to the fact that it’s either about following orders or loving other people. And when it really comes down to it - we should love others first and worry about being righteous second. When we put thing sin the proper order and context, then all of a sudden things appear much clearer.

Now this doesn’t just apply to justice/righteousness. This has a much bigger and deeper impact - especially in a Christian’s life. This applies to the law of the land in general - as well as the rights afforded under those laws. Sometimes it is better to voluntarily give up our own comforts and rights in the pursuit of loving other people - and that is not always the easiest thing in the world to do. To do that - it voluntarily invites discomfort into our lives - which is the complete opposite of what humans do naturally. This topic has come up in multiple venues recently - especially around the topic of masks in the past few months. I have seen both good and bad conversations around this in the past few months. I find myself wanting to jump in and maybe be a little sarcastic - but at the same time I need to remind myself that loving others is the most important thing in the world - especially if I consider myself a Christian.

I got to thinking about this during a recent session of Pathfinder. I had to create a new character due to the death of my previous one - and I have been slowly building his backstory and history of the new character. While I was building out my new character, I was working on picking the new class and his personality. There has been one class through my various ideas that has never crossed my mind to play - and that is Paladin.

Part of the things that have always bugged me about Paladins in Pathfinder (and pre 5e D&D) was that Paladins had to be lawful good - and if they ever did anything beyond lawful good it led to the revocation of their abilities - essentially making the Paladin useless. While thankfully in our game there has been a little flexibility which would make it feasible - the tradition of Paladin is where the phrase lawful stupid comes from and it led me to think on this for a bit - and also how I can introduce it with my character to create “conflict” with the Paladin in the party.

Traditionally Paladins would enforce the law first - and care for the people second. Typically these things would coincide with each other - but in the cases where they didn’t (aka the thief steals something in plain view, some lies, etc) the law becomes first beyond anything. A strict D&D/Pathfinder Paladin - in a sense - is no better than a Christian that doesn’t love others or a protestor beating others in the sense of justice.

So. when it comes down to it, it’s either justice or people - and I will prefer to love instead of demand justice.

-Paul

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Seasonal Affective Disorder - S.A.D

"If we can talk about sexuality, sexual positions, and sexual preferences out in the open without squirming, without any shame, then why the hell can we not talk about our own mental health. On things that may impact whether we live or die! Because were too ashamed to talk about it."  -- Paul

Here in Wisconsin we are getting close to having our second season, winter. We have endured the months and months of construction - but thanks to Covid that season has been more of an irritation instead of an inconvenience. I guess even Covid has it’s silver lining huh?

This week Aaron and myself talk about mental health and the impact that S.A.D. has had on both of our lives, and the current impact it is having on Aaron’s. Sometimes S.A.D. appears as just wanting to sleep more, but it can also have the same symptoms as depression up to and including suicidal ideation. S.A.D. is not something to be taken lightly, but it is also not something to immediately freak out about if one of your family/friends is diagnosed/dealing with it. S.A.D. is a very common diagnosis actually according to the Mayo clinic , with over millions of people diagnosed yearly in the United States, with some estimates putting it at 4% - 6% of the population being impacted by this yearly - with 10% - 20% of the population experiencing mild S.A.D. symptoms. Putting that into perspective 4% of the United States Population is close to 13.2 million people annually who deal with this medical condition. If you took the higher end 20% of the population, that brings the total U.S. population dealing with some form of S.A.D. up to 65.6 million.

Let that number sink in for a minute. 65.6 million people each year potentially deal with some form of S.A.D. that impacts them in some way. Now just because someone is dealing with S.A.D. does not mean that they are themselves suicidal or in any way in threat of hurting themselves - though it is possible. What this means is that annually, we have millions of people who are suffering alone and trying to make it through the winter to times when we have more sunlight to help them stave off the effects of this disease. Like it’s “big brother” depression, S.A.D. is something to keep an eye on and know the symptoms of and how to help others dealing with it - because more than likely someone you know is attempting to deal with this disease in some way.

So how do you help your friends/family that are dealing with S.A.D. - especially if it’s not diagnosed? More ideas can be found at the links below.

Encourage them to go outside if possible, or at least open a window to let in natural sunlight.

Encourage them to get some exercise.

Encourage them to talk to their doctor to get officially diagnosed.

Check in with your friends that are “feeling blue” during the winter months to make sure they are doing well.

I have been pretty open on the podcast with my struggles regarding my own mental health and the journey to get better. I have been a big advocate for working to drop the stigma attached to mental health, especially after seeing the reaction of some of the people in my own family and it is refreshing to see others taking up the mantel as well and bringing these conversations to the forefront. This is the first time that Aaron has been as open as he has on the podcast regarding his own mental health issues - specifically S.A.D. and how it has impacted him these past years.(Way to go Aaron!)

I have been frustrated by multiple people due to the fact that whenever mental health is brought up, a lot of people immediately stop talking - almost like the conversation is an “impolite” topic to discuss in “civilized” conversation. But those same people may then go into a long discussion about their date the other night and all the things they may have done sexually with the other person - and yet the concept of talking about mental health is considered taboo.

Part of the goals of our Podcast is to no longer let specific topics be “taboo” for “polite” conversation - and sometimes we do well at it and sometimes not so well - but we are working on it each and every week.

One of the things that Aaron brings up is the song Sometimes by Skillet and while it may not have originally been written regarding mental health how it fits perfectly with how we feel at times when we don’t want to necessarily get better mentally and get over what is going at the time. The lyrics are powerful - and I recommend you listen to the song and read the caption for the lyrics from the final chorus to understand the portion that both of us talk about in the episode.

As far as people being more open about these things, someone I know recently created a Facebook group for those in the construction/trade industries dealing with various mental health issues. You should check out their page - https://www.facebook.com/HardTalksInHardhats/ and join in the conversation especially if you are in the construction/trade industries. While you are on Facebook - go ahead and check out and like our page as well at https://www.facebook.com/UseYourWordsPodcast You can also ensure that when your friend/family is talking about any issues they may be experiencing this winter - especially in the time of covid - that you listen to them and understand and if the issues of mental health start to come up, don’t shy away from those conversations. Lean into them - hard.

Links:

https://www.facebook.com/UseYourWordsPodcast

https://www.facebook.com/HardTalksInHardhats/

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20364651

https://www.healthline.com/health/summer-SAD-is-all-too-real#triggers

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Adios Josh - May You Enjoy The Triplets

Today we are both sad and happy to announce that our very own Josh is leaving the podcast. We are sad because we do - even though we may tease him - enjoy having him on the show with us. But we are also happy to see him take his first steps in his new career choice as well as start his family. We know (and acknowledge) that this takes a bit of time and with his added responsibilities due to schooling - it is understandable why Josh has decided to step away from the podcast. He steps away with all of us staying friends - and no hard feeling between any of us involved.

That being said Josh always has an open invitation to join us whenever he has free time - and he will be back for certain special episodes as well - one of which will be the end of the year episode to review the New Years predictions we each made last year (and of course with Lt if he is available as well).

After some deliberation - we have decided that we will NOT be replacing Josh at this time - and do not plan on having a specific third person who will be joining us on a regular basis. That being said we are going to have the third seat be filled by special guests some months. There will be a lot of months where it will just be Aaron and myself - but sometimes we will have a third person drop in with us to talk either for just one or two episodes or for the whole month.

So as we say goodbye to Josh - we also say hello to the next chapter of Use Your Words - and to the next adventure as well. We thank you for coming along on this journey with us and hope that you will continue to join us as well move forward with Use Your Words 2.0. Starting with our next episode, we will be switching to Season 2 in the podcast directories. This will be to denote the era with Josh and the era without Josh. Beyond Josh leaving, we will continue to hone our skill and talk about things going on in the world with a very spiritual slant - you just won’t know what Josh is planning to buy that week!

Paul

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Intolerant Karens are ruining the internet

The year 2020 is going to be remembered for a few things - one of those is the spread of a new coronavirus around the world, the other is the proliferation of the Karen meme, cancel culture being everywhere, and life just being a little crazier then any of us expected.

I need to preface this episode with something - in order to do this episode I had to run a little experiment on twitter - and I had to intentionally troll online. It doesn't make me feel the greatest to have to do that - but it is what it is. If I would have prefaced my tweet with the words: this is an intentional troll for a podcast - I would not have gotten the responses that I did. And boy did I get responses.

Before we get into what I did let's define a few things. In current culture, Karen is almost a universal meme. It stands for a person who wants to call the manager for any slight inconvenience. Did their drink come too hot? They want to talk to the manager. Too cold. Manager. Person used the wrong tone. Manager. Person did....you get the idea. And of course - the male version of Karen is Ken - and honestly I feel sorry for people named karen/ken as they have to live with the knowledge of the meme that their name has become.

Tolerance. I'm going to read this right from Merriam-Webster. sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own or the act of allowing something. The oxford dictionary further defines the word as: the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.

America is a melting pot - we allow people to come from all over the world here. And we welcome people here - there is some shared values as Americans that we share - but for the most part we are tolerant of other's cultures/opinions/views - well at least not online - and America has been made better for it as we get to learn from others we may never have interacted with otherwise.

But tolerance is required in order for that to work - and online it seems more and more if you don't espouse the views of the vocal minority then you are threatened, shouted down (virtually), berated, insulted, and a whole host of other things.

When I say vocal minority - I am not kidding. Only 7% of the United States population uses twitter. 87% of people have heard of twitter - but only 7% use it. On the flipside - 88% of people have heard of Facebook and 41% have a profile on Facebook. This would be crazy enough - but it gets worse actually. Of all the content created on twitter, 80% of the content is generated by the top 10% of twitter users - and the top 10% of twitter users tend to focus on politics - specifically left leaning politics. Breaking this down further - 77% of twitter users are wealthier then the general public, and 41% are making 75k or more per year. Something important to know about all of these statistics - business accounts were taken out of the data and are not considered when averages are generated.

Now I bring up all these stats to give you an idea of what the average twitter person is. They are a very vocal minority (minority because they are typically less then 10% of the general twitter population) but they are the squeaky wheel that gets the oil. It is because of this low engagement and usage that I personally have not really engaged with twitter too much - both personally and with the podcast.

Now with all of that - what did I do last week?

Last week Kroeger (the parent company for a chain of grocery stores, jewelry stores, medical clinics, etc) posted on twitter that they were going to mandate face masks be worn by all people entering their stores starting on 7/20/2020 - and let me make this very clear - this is a privately owned company on private property - they have every right to mandate conditions of entry into their stores and if they want to require masks they are well within their rights to do so and if people do not want to wear a mask - they can be turned away at the company's discretion - and no I don't believe a store requiring a mask is an attack on anyone's rights. Now if you want to have a conversation on the effectiveness of wearing a mask and want to come at this with scientific (peer reviewed) papers - then lets have that discussion - but entry into a business is an open and shut case - as they can control entry into their business in areas where there is no local mask mandate.

So back to that tweet. I had the idea for this episode swirling around in my mind for a little bit - but had never setup a second social media account - so I decided to just go ahead and do the deed from my main social media account. So I went onto twitter and responded to the Kroeger tweet (sorry Kroeger for trolling) with the tweet of "Thanks for letting me know to no longer patronize your stores - appreciate it" - nothing incendiary about masks, nothing calling mask wearers sheeple (I have seen that way too much on social media), nothing on this being against anyone's rights, nothing about hating on people for going there wearing masks - just a simple - I choose to take my business elsewhere since your requiring a mask - and twitter did not disappoint.

You of course had a decent number of people liking the post - which is going to happen no matter what is said - but the responses - those were the things I was looking for. There were a few "glad you won't be there" posts - but those are everyday run of the mill. Then there are the intolerant karens/kens. So since this happened (and after I thanked them for participating in this experiment) a lot of the people have since privated their twitter accounts or deleted their response - one would imagine (and hope) because they were ashamed of what they wrote and did online.

So the responses? I had one person threatening to contact my employer since I was such a threat to "myself and others" with the ending of "fking winger terrorist" - because I was taking my business elsewhere? I had a bunch of others calling me "dirty and nasty mexican", idiot, and many other hateful things (again most deleted now). I had one person - one - who engaged civilly with me - and due to his civil engagement I let him in on why I was doing what I was doing and he admitted that his initial reaction was probably over the top and not necessary.

For everyone that responded to me - I responded with "I have had this virus already and recovered - please tell me why I should have to be mandated to wear a mask". Not one person brought up that it was the store requesting that I wear it (if they had - I would’ve said your right) and instead just continued their insult. One person brought up the red herring of Chicken Pox and how adults can get it since they loose resistance over the many years and say this is the same as covid stating this as a fact - when (unfortunately for them) the CDC said they are not sure on the state of immunity. If they had brought up it could be possible since we don’t have the science - they would’ve gotten a point (and as I check my list on Sunday - looks like one person did bring that up - good for them!)

A few people brought up news websites (which were not marked as safe by newsguard) and said this was their proof on why I was an idiot. I then asked for peer reviewed scientific papers on the effectiveness of either makes, immunity, etc. Their only response - there is no time for science we have to do what they say because science takes too long to be useful.

:: head scratch ::

Not one person wanted to engage in any conversation on this and instead just used twitter as a platform of outrage - using it to shout their insults with confidence that no one should even have the right to talk counter to them. They were the law - and I had to bend to their will - and if I didn't - I was an intolerant evil biggot because I dare say that I will take my business elsewhere. It would’ve been one thing if they engaged in a conversation about why I said I was taking my business elsewhere - but nope - just a quick jaunt from taking my business elsewhere to your a dirty nasty Mexican. (BTW my twitter handle is @averagehalfmex - my old twitter handle has been archived and I have reserved it in case I want to use it again)

I got all of this and to thank those involved - I tagged all the most vile people in the threads in one tweet - and I was rewarded. I had a very nice moment of schadenfreude. These people started going after one another - accusing each other of being hateful conservatives and how they dont deserve to have opinions, and they were less then human, and many other insulting things. They didn't realize they were all on the same side - and instead just went after one another. One person responded with "Did i just get punked?" because I thanked them for sharing their opinions with another going "oh you god a podcast - that’s nice - all your X number of twitter subscribers" - again I point back to the fact that only 7% of Americans use twitter to begin with and only the very loud vocal minority tend to be there.

I started out this experiment with the thesis that social media was toxic, but one of the people (as they were trying to backpeddle and insult me at the same time after I said I was going to do a podcast on this) convinced me on something - it is not social media that is toxic - it is people that are toxic - specifically the intolerant Karens/Kens that congregate on twitter.

So what can you do to not be part of the toxic online culture? Good question.

The first thing is to assume that the intentions of the person posting something comes from a place of good. Now obviously if someone is saying to kill yourself, or other things along that line you can't assume anything about that is good - just ignore those people - they are too far gone to be able to do anything about. In fact they are just looking for other people to react to their content as they enjoy the attention - the best way to destroy a troll is to just ignore them. But for everyone else - if they post an opinion that you do not agree with - assume they are coming from a spot of good intention. They have an opinion that you do not agree with - but does that necessarily mean that they are bad? No. It doesn't - I'm sure you have opinions that you hold that they would disagree with an would want them to show you respect as well if they knew about it. Social media (especially for people we don't know personally) gives us just a small glimpse into the other person's life - we don't know the full story behind why the person may hold that opinion - we all come from a variety of backgrounds which shapes our views and opinions. Plus in order to have a tolerant society - we must allow for others to have different opinions then us - show me a family that all people in the family have the exact same opinions on everything and I'll show you a boring family that is lying to everyone else and keeping their opinions secret.

Second thing to do - ask questions. Try to get to know why the other person has the perspective they have. They may have a great reason to think like they do - and once you know why their opinion might shift to the "oh that makes sense" category instead of the initial emotional based ranking of that opinion.

Third - know that people are people - they are going to have differing opinions - and this melting pot is what makes life entertaining and interesting. Everyone having the same opinions is boring - and a big red flag - group think is a dangerous thing and that is how people abuse power by using social manipulation to make group think the norm.

But above all - be good to people - don't immediately cuss someone out or insult them just because they have a different thought then you - take the opportunity to learn why they think the way they do, because when opinions are brought into the sunlight - things that are incorrect and toxic not only are exposed but are disinfected - you are unable to change a person's mind with insults - however engaging in a relationship with a person and making connections with them on a personal level is the most effective way to change a person's opinions.

By the way - I will not be releasing the screenshots of those that tweeted at me. They didn’t know they were going to be part of this experiment - and I don’t believe anyone deserves hate/cancel no matter how off base they may be at times.

Links:

https://www.omnicoreagency.com/twitter-statistics/

https://www.convinceandconvert.com/social-media-strategy/7-surprising-statistics-about-twitter-in-america/

https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2019/04/24/sizing-up-twitter-users/

Paul

[useyourwordspodcast]

California Has Gone Crazy

I have always thought California was a little odd regarding some of the crazy things coming out of that state - but I have to admit they have done a few things right throughout the years. If you remember a little while ago I did a video called "Stop Being My White Knight" saying let me prove myself based on the merit of my work - and don't give me special favor just because my skin has a little more melanin in it then other people. Well the state of California did just that, back in 1996.

In 1996 California voted on and approved an amendment (referred to as Prop 209) to the state constitution to prohibit state government institutions (schools, government contracts, etc) from considering race, sex, or ethnicity when making their decisions such as school admittance, granting the contract, or anything else related to the public institution. When this amendment was created, it was based on the Civil Rights act of 1964 - and was approved by the residents of the state of California.

In the past few years, a new amendment (ACA-5) has passed through the state legislature and is pending a vote by the general population of California in November, 2020. This new amendment was written with the express intention to role back the protections provided by Prop 209 - once again allowing for race, sex, and ethnicity to be used in consideration by public institutions.

I find this odd that some of the politicians in California want to repeal a law based on the civil rights act and once again legalize discrimination. Back in 1996 they did it right - they amended the constitution to make it illegal (at least in the public sector) to judge if a person could attend a school, be awarded a government contract, or get employed by the California government based on things they cannot change - how they were born. A person cannot change their racial heritage, how much melanin is in their skin, or what sex/gender they were born as no matter how much they try and the fact that the public institutions can’t use any of these innate traits to discriminate is great - it puts everyone on an even playing field where the output of their work is the sole judging criteria. (We are not going to get into people who identify as different races/genders right now - but they should be happy about this as well as they can say that they are legally not discriminated against since only their work is used as the judging criteria.)

The law as it stands now allows for equal opportunity for access to public institutions - however the lawmakers that want to repeal Prop 209 no longer want equal opportunity - they instead are looking for equal outcome. There is a big difference between these two phrases - although they both use the word equal - which by default makes us feel all nice and fuzzy inside. Equal opportunity means everyone gets a chance to apply to the public institutions, compete for the contract, or have equal chance at engaging with the state government with the only distinction between them being how effective they are at the work needed for the position/job. With equal outcome, they are instead looking for everyone to get the same results - no matter how effective they are at the work necessary for the position/job.

As Haibo Huang - co-founder of San Diego Asian Americans for Equality - said: "Race is a forbidden classification for good reason, because it demeans the dignity and worth of a person to be judged by ancestry instead of his or her own merit and essential qualities"

https://lasentinel.net/the-california-assembly-voted-to-pass-aca-5.html

https://www.financegeek.org/politics/aca-5/

https://openstates.org/ca/bills/20192020/ACA5/

https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/opinion/story/2020-06-09/california-repeal-prop-209-affirmative-action

https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/opinion/story/2020-06-09/california-keep-prop-209-affirmative-action

https://www.sfchronicle.com/opinion/openforum/article/Preserve-Prop-209-Don-t-let-racial-15293612.php

https://www.sfchronicle.com/politics/article/California-s-affirmative-action-ban-15121025.php

[useyourwordspodcast]

Self Care In 2020

I was recently interviewed on another podcast (links to come when it is published) and one of the questions that came up was how I am taking care of myself mentally in this time of Covid and forced isolation. I thought this was a good question - for a multitude of reasons - some of which I will get into below.

I have not been shy recently about my struggle with mental health issues - both past and current - and how a lot of the issues that came about from it is (honestly) are a result of me not learning at a young age how to process things correctly as well as how to care for myself mentally. And I will not lie - this Covid time really did have the potential to be very bad for me - and at the start of the isolation I was starting to feel the impact of isolation and seeing the same four walls day after day.

Covid has shown an increase in suffering - and we see people suffering from the forced isolation. Suicides, self harm, alcohol sales, drug use and depression have increased across the board in the United States across all age ranges. This is scary - yes we need to keep people healthy from the virus - but at the same time we also need to figure out ways to keep people mentally healthy as well.

So how do you keep mentally healthy in these days? Honestly this is going to be different from one person to the next - but there are some things which are consistent and applicable to everyone and self care/mindfulness is probably one of the most important parts of the equation that can benefit everyone.

If you searched on the web for a definition of self care you would find the medical terminology of self care being tied to ADLs - or activities of daily living. These ADLs include such things as eating, showering, brushing teeth, wearing clean cloths, and attending to medical concerns. But when talking about mental health self care - it is a little more focused and slightly different. While the things listed above are important - there are additional and varied steps you can take with self care to help keep yourself mentally healthy.

Self care (when talking about mental health) is an overarching idea and is not something that is the same for everyone - what I may do for self care may be completely different then what someone else does. The goal behind self care is to do something that you enjoy that is within your control - and typically it is something that will keep your mind busy and away from the troubles of the world. Now you may hear that and think - ok cool so what I enjoy - yes and no. Typically you want something that will busy your mind to keep it from dwelling on whatever is bothering you at the time - so sometimes just listening to music and letting your mind wander may not be the best thing to do.

You want something that takes your full attention - and again that is going to be different for each person. For me - listening to music can take my mind fully away from whatever is going on. I have a background with music - so not only am I listening to the words but I am listening to the interaction between all of the instruments as well. But those times when I just want to put music on as background music - that doesn't help.....and why is that? Well one of the secrets to self care is mindfulness. Now mindfulness is not the only method of self care that one can use - it is just one tool to keep in an arsenal to help out with keeping mentally healthy.

Mindfulness is essentially being present in the moment - both the good and the bad. Seems simple huh? Wrong. Mindfulness in other words is focusing on what is going on in the moment and not worrying about the other things in the future or in the past. Taking time like this allows you to experience your emotions and the things going on around you and be present in what is going on - this helps you not only be aware of your emotions as they change based on what is going on around you but also what is going on around you as well and the subtle things that may be missed while being busy with other things. Some examples of mindfulness (at least on the pleasure side) is taking time to enjoy the sunlight against your skin, the sound of the wind as it goes over the grass outside, the interaction of the music in the room, and whatever else is going on around you. And I'll be honest - this is not an easy undertaking - being mindful and living in the moment is a hard skill to learn and implement. It takes times and practice - and I will admit it took me many months to learn how to put this method of self care into practical practice - and I am still learning how to do this properly.

And see here is the thing - you might be thinking right now - But Paul you have some mental health issues so of course you need to do that - true - but I have found that even people without diagnosed mental health issues right now are looking for assistance on how to navigate through these times of covid and remain grounded mentally. People who used to be able to hang out with other people to recharge their mental batteries may no longer be able to do that - and they may not know how to handle this change. I'm finding that even teens who are used to living their entire life online are having issues as well - and are saying how they miss the in person interaction. It would be one thing if this was a slow change in the way society worked - but this was effectively a light switch being flipped with people being able to interact socially to all of a sudden being told to stay home - sometimes even with threat of jail or financial penalty.

Some practical examples of self care besides mindfulness include: getting a massage, cleaning your room, taking a shower, going for a walk, playing with your pet, journaling, enjoying a snack you like.

Now at the start I said that this was a good question to have asked during the podcast interview- and here is why. When people are willing to have this conversation and they ask others about how they are keeping themselves mentally healthy it reduces the stigma of mental health issues as a whole. It doesn't lower it by orders of magnitude, but just slightly - and even slightly is a great start. We have gone way too long as a society where we keep mental health issues as almost a secret thing that we deal with in the shadow - afraid to let others in. We are afraid to be vulnerable with others about our struggles - and being vulnerable about our own mental health issues is harder (at least for me) then being vulnerable about other areas of our life.

Life is hard, and sometimes we need support. And that brings me to the last thing I want to talk about today.

If you need support for a mental health issue, there are a multitude of resources available to you. If you or someone you know is in an immediate crises where there is the potential to harm - then call 911 or get them to an emergency room. The person may not appreciate it at the time - but you know - someone living is better then someone appreciating what was or wasn't done. That being said - if someone needs help and it is not an immediate sense of danger - there are a multitude of resources. There is always https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ which has a phone number as well as a chat resource available for those looking for help or those looking to find help for others.

There is also heartsupport.com. Heartsupport.com is a site which offers hope for people dealing with a whole host of things - addiction, depression, suicidal ideation, and other hard things that life throws their way. They have live streams, texting options, and a web based forum to seek and give encouragement. They also have links to youtube videos from various bands, medium articles, and books/devotionals. Check it out - I will be on there posting and responding on the wall a little bit more frequently now - but I will talk more on that at a later time on why that is.

Take care of yourself out there.

Paul

[useyourwordspodcast]

Vulnerability

Use Your Words was founded amongst a group of friends that have - for the longest time - been vulnerable with one another in many areas of life. The conversations that we had formed the basis for the idea for this podcast, and continues to be at the very core of what we do. That is not to say that this has been an easy thing - and there have been multiple times through our friendship that awkward and hard conversations have been had. We have learned, through multiple experiences, how hard it can be to be fully open and vulnerable with others - especially when letting others into our deepest and darkest parts of our lives which we would normally want to keep hidden. Through this we have learned some important life lessons, and this week - we talk about what we learned, and why vulnerability is such a hard thing to do.

[useyourwordspodcast]

Josh and Woodworking (Bonus Episode)

This is a bonus episode this week. While we were recording the episode on Heaven Paul made a joke about Josh buying stuff when not knowing how to use it - referring back to how Josh wanted to learn how to grill and never doing it. Well unknowing to Paul - this is happening with a saw. This led into a conversation about how Josh used a saw recently - in a very dangerous manor.

[useyourwordspodcast]

Aaron wanted to talk about Heaven

Aaron this week wanted to talk about Heaven. This is a continuation of our conversation from last week regarding Christians and judgment. In this week, Aaron once again brings up The Holy Ghost Notes podcast - and how one of the guests in there talked about at the end of his life if he didn’t do enough good things and was told he had to go to hell - he would be fine with that. Aaron being Aaron, this made him a little sad - and wanted to talk about what it means to believe in living a life in order to go to Heaven and what that means. Join Paul and Aaron (with a few interjections from Josh) as they discuss a quick and dirty overview of merging reality with the belief of sin, atonement, and how to have eternal life according to the Bible.

[useyourwordspodcast]

Thoughts on mentoring

We recently took part of a podcastathon to help raise funds to feed families in Wisconsin. During our portion of the stream we talked about mentorships and going from mentee to mentor, and what that was like. This then got Paul to thinking about how there is a lake of mentorship in the world right now - and prompted this Monday podcast.

[useyourwordspodcast]

Aaron and Josh reflect on getting older

Both Aaron and Josh recently had birthdays, and as they have gotten older have started to reflect on things as they have changed. We tell Aaron what his birthday surprise was supposed to be and how he ruined it.  Aaron then goes on to talk about how he is feeling like an old man now that he is a quarter of a century old.  After this revelation that is a quarter of a century old, Paul prods them for what they have learned growing older and how their expectations have been with getting older versus reality.