utopiaxsehnni - Tumblr blog

[utopiaxsehnni]

it’s so strange to post to make after… what, a month of inactivity? which was not intentional, but bin’s passing was hitting…. a lot harder than even i expected, then kai’s sudden enlistment, then victon falling apart which was only semi confirmed by weverse. it was just a lot hitting in rapid succession and i was…. mentally not doing too great.

some days are easier than others bin… i miss you so much, and i think about your family, especially sua, all of your friends and your members every day. and knowing they all have each other helps a lot. plus all the little things that remind me of you. a dandelion in my yard, white butterflies showing up at your memorials, just these small beautiful things that remind me you’re still watching over them. i hope you’re having the best time wherever you are and that you’re enjoying your time. i love you so much my sweet boy

[utopiaxsehnni]

i love you and your precious smile more than words could ever express. the way you light up when you’re performing, the smile on your face when you engage with fans. the beautiful cat that you named after us ♡

[utopiaxsehnni]

Words from a Shawol to Arohas,

I know how you’re feeling. You don’t feel like it’s real, it can’t be true, you’re reading articles and watching videos about any possible updates. But it’s true and you feel like the ground opened up to swallow you. The unthinkable has happened, and unfortunately it happened to your beloved Moonbin.

I am not too familiar with Astro or Moonbin, but my heart is with you, and I know your pain. I thought I would give you some advice on how to get through this difficult situation.

This is all meant with love.

1, try not to watch videos with clickbait titles about him. There will be, and already is a lot out there trying to capitalize on this news, only take information from reputable sources.

2, the clickbait videos never really end. They use your dear idol to get views by saying rude things or making infuriating thumbnails. Try your best to ignore it and report the video and the account.

3, don’t feel bad if you can’t bring yourself to watch any funeral footage if there is any. It will be painful to witness, and you don’t have to put yourself through that.

4, it’s okay not to want to listen to his music for a while. Take your time and be kind with yourself.

5, find a way to remember him, if you feel it’s appropriate. For me, Jonghyun’s music saved me in a hard time in my life and I plan to get a tattoo in his honor, but I have also named my cat after his last album, Poet|Artist (we call him Poe), and every new years day I listen to a special song of his to welcome the new year.

6, find fellow Arohas to talk to. They need you as much as you need them.

7, when you feel like you can handle it, find joy in the moments Moonbin left for you. Like dance practice bloopers, photos of him smiling.. remember him on the anniversary if his last day, but celebrate him on his birthday.

8, finally, reach out for help if you feel you need it. It may seem silly to mourn someone you never met, but it’s still a very real loss with very real pain.

I hope this advice can help you find a little peace. I am so sorry for your loss.

-A Shawol

[utopiaxsehnni]

i’m sorry to anyone who might see me on here for the next…. little while

i may become a lot more active on here just to post content of bin. i’m taking this loss… hard. and it brings me comfort to just… talk about him. not inherently about his death, but just…. about all the things i love about him, pictures of him i just love dearly, just…. talk about how much i miss him, but other than the initial posts from yesterday and maybe this post, it’ll all be tagged for him if anyone following me wants to mute for any reason, but especially if you cannot handle seeing him or discussions about him right now

i’d post on twitter but i’m so exhausted already of the think pieces about mental health and how people treat idols when we’ve been asked not to speculate what happened to him and on top of that every person saying that seems to always be the first person to have made some nasty comments about idols already. can’t even scroll tiktok as a distraction right now without risking the people taking advantage of this to make their sad edits when they don’t even know or care about him and it’s just to get engagement. i feel like my mourning is being taken advantage of when right now i just want to cry and talk about him in positive ways. i want to remember all the good about this beautiful man and what he means to me and to so many others who love him.

and knowing that he’s going to be reduced to this makes me violently ill. this beautiful dancer, amazing vocalist, fantastic actor is being reduced to the final day of his life, the final hours. and all i want is to see people talking about my beautiful boy’s skills or personality, just anything but making him into these final moments of his life

[utopiaxsehnni]

binnie i miss you more than words could ever express.

i hope people remember you for your talent, for your constant love for everyone you care about, for you being such an amazing brother to sua, for that beautiful eye smile and every wonderful part of your personality

thank you for everything, for every wonderful and beautiful moment you gave us and i hope you’re at peace and that we can meet again in another, better life

sua my beloved girl, i hope you’re surrounded by people who love and support you. i hope one day you can at least have some semblance of peace and not hurt so deeply when you think of bin. he loves you so much, he’s proud of you and your accomplishments and he’ll always be there in some form, even if just a memory, and be your loudest cheerleader

my beautiful, precious moon siblings i’m so sorry

[utopiaxsehnni]

my beautiful wonderful talented boy i miss you more than words can ever fully express. thank you for existing, for being a wonderfully supportive older brother to sua, for just being a joy to those around you and who loved you. i hope you know you changed so many lives and that you are so very loved by so many of us. i’ve never for a day regretted knowing, supporting, and loving you. i hope you’re at peace and that you will forever know how beloved you really are.

i know i’m going to miss you every single day from here on out, i’m not religious in the least but i hope with everything in me you found peace and are resting and that we meet again in another life. i love you more than any word could ever explain and i’m grateful for the time i’ve had with you

[utopiaxsehnni]

and there was the company statement….. my boy…. god i’m going to miss you so much.

i keep trying to type out my thoughts but…. all i have is crying, then thinking of sua, and feeling like my world just fell out from under me then crying again.

[utopiaxsehnni]

sua…. oh my god sua

[utopiaxsehnni]

he can’t be gone…. please tell me this is a sick joke

[utopiaxsehnni]

oh my god i’m going g to throw up

[utopiaxsehnni]

moonbin…. what do you mean

[utopiaxsehnni]

look at her, the love of my life 🥺

[utopiaxsehnni]

rocky left astro…….

[utopiaxsehnni]

Overcoming the fear of heights. (And yeets)

[utopiaxsehnni]

just started CRYING watching the sound mv. i don’t know how to even explain it but something about seeing how far they’ve come in the 2 years i’ve been here, seeing innie’s constant improvement and how he was SO good in that video, it all just hit in a really weird way just how proud i really am of them all :(

[utopiaxsehnni]

i will not apologize for the human i will become when a.c.e start getting out of the military. best believe my brain chemistry will be SHIFTING

[utopiaxsehnni]

EXTENDED BAT-FAM??? 🥺 MY BABIES???