vajjaa

[vajjaa]

i can’t actually

　　　　.⠀⠀⠀ ू❀𝆬　𝐋𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑　．　∔

⠀ ⠀❜❀⠀˙⠀simon "ghost" riley x fem!reader⠀(❁ᴗ͈ ᴗ͈)⠀˚

░⌦⠀ synopsis.⠀ ⠀domestic life with simon. 𖧷⠀⁺⠀

⠀. ⏝ི𓏶. ゜ imagine ⠀　being⠀ simon's　⠀wife⠀ ⋮

Simon didn’t think he could be a father. Not because he didn’t want to be—he did. Quietly, painfully. But he never believed he’d live long enough for it. He didn’t think there’d be a version of life where he could sit still, trade gunpowder for cradle songs, or let something so fragile as a child curl up on his chest and fall asleep without fear in the world. But then you came. And then… she did.⠀𓆉

He was terrified.

When you told him, his first reaction was silence. Heavy, still—the kind that made your skin crawl even though you knew he would never hurt you. He stared at the floor for a long time. Not out of anger. Not even shock. Just a weight pressing down on every piece of him, trying to make sense of a life where he could deserve something this soft.

He didn’t say anything for hours. But that night, while you lay in bed pretending to sleep, you felt his callused hand over your stomach. Gentle. Reverent. Like he thought he might break both of you.

“I’ll keep you safe,” he whispered so quietly, it could’ve been a prayer.

He wasn’t there when she was born.

Mission delays. A storm grounded his transport. He’d torn through his comms trying to reach anyone, anything—cursing the universe for making him a soldier first, father second.

But when he walked into that hospital room with dirt still on his boots and shadows under his eyes, and saw you holding her… saw her pink and alive and real in your arms…

He broke.

He didn't cry, not really. But his shoulders shook as he sat by your side and pressed his forehead to your temple. He stared at her like she was a ghost haunting his past—something he never thought he’d be allowed to touch.

“She’s so small,” he murmured, voice cracking.

“Yeah,” you replied.

That night, he didn’t sleep. Just watched her chest rise and fall, afraid to blink.

Simon was awkward at first.

He held her like she might detonate—arms stiff, movements cautious. Changing diapers felt like defusing bombs. And baby talk? Forget it. He read her the back of his cereal box in a low, gravelly voice, and she cooed like he was reciting poetry.

He wouldn’t say much, but he did. Morning bottles already warmed before you woke. Midnight pacing when she wouldn’t stop crying. One hand rubbing small circles on her back, the other gripping the baby monitor like a lifeline when he had to leave.

He taught her to crawl by laying on the floor with her, inching backward like it was a stealth op. When she took her first steps toward him, he froze. It felt like watching a sunrise you never thought you’d see.

She follows him everywhere.

Like a little ghost of her own.

He doesn’t let many people see her. Doesn’t post pictures. Doesn’t talk about her on base. But he keeps a small photo tucked behind his dog tags. If anyone catches a glimpse, they know not to ask.

She’s curious. Smart. A little quiet—like him. She watches everything. Studies the way he moves, tilts her head when he speaks like she’s decoding him. When she starts copying his dry, deadpan jokes, you swear Simon almost smiles.

He lets her paint his face with glitter and stars when she’s bored. He sits there stone-faced, letting her stick pink butterfly clips into his blond hair. If you ask why, he just shrugs:

“She wanted to. Didn’t wanna say no.”

He teaches her how to be strong—not cruel, not hardened, just aware. He teaches her to pay attention to exits, to trust her gut. When she has nightmares, he’s there before she can even call for him.

And when she asks him why he wears a mask sometimes, he kneels down and explains it gently. That some things are meant to protect, not hide. That it’s okay to be soft, but it’s also okay to be careful.

And then he lets her try it on. It drapes over her face like a cape. She laughs.

“Look, Daddy. I’m just like you!”

“No, sweetheart,” he says, and this time, he does smile—small, but real. “You’re stronger than I ever was.”

Simon is a man full of ghosts.

But when he’s with her, they quiet.

You’ve seen it.

The way his shoulders relax when she’s in the room. The way his voice drops softer when he reads to her. The way he presses his forehead to hers before he leaves, and whispers, “You be good for Mum, yeah? I’ll be back.”

He hates going.

Every goodbye leaves a crack in him.

But every return—when she runs to him screaming “Daddy!” and tackles his legs with her little arms—that’s what mends it.

He doesn’t know if he’s doing it right. He’s always afraid he’s too broken, too cold, too late. But you tell him he’s the safest place she knows.

And sometimes, when the house is quiet and she’s asleep in the next room, he’ll hold you close and whisper,

“Thank you.”

She’s eight now.

She tells people her dad is a superhero.

Simon doesn’t correct her.

He doesn’t know what version of him she’s seeing—what stories she’s crafted in her head to explain his scars or the way he flinches when doors slam too hard. She doesn’t know what he’s done. What he’s capable of. To her, he’s just… strong. Invincible. Safe.

He doesn’t deserve it. But he lives for it.

There are nights when the house is quiet and warm and she’s tucked beneath her galaxy-print bedsheets, one arm flung off the mattress and glitter nail polish chipped from the day.

And he’ll sit outside her room. In the hallway. Hands clenched between his knees.

He listens to her breathe.

He doesn't know why he tortures himself like that—why he waits for nightmares that never come, or for screams she’s long since outgrown. Maybe he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe he’s waiting to fail her. Like he failed his family. His brother. Himself.

He’ll sit there until his knees ache. Until the silence starts to feel like mercy again.

Then he goes to bed, lays next to you, and stares at the ceiling like there’s a sniper on the roof. Like peace is a trap he’s too smart to fall for.

She was never supposed to see it.

An old flash drive. Left in a drawer he thought was too high. She’d plugged it into her school laptop, probably looking for cartoons.

She didn’t say anything until hours later. She was quiet. Paler than usual.

“Daddy… you hurt bad people, right?”

He froze.

“…What’d you see, love?”

“Some men. You hurt them. But… you were saving someone, weren’t you?”

There was no panic in her voice. No fear. Just a question, small and sincere, wrapped in child-logic and trust.

Simon knelt in front of her. Took both her hands in his. Looked her in the eye like it was the most sacred thing he’d ever done.

“Yes,” he said. “I hurt bad people. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. Things I’d never want you to see. But I’ve never hurt someone innocent. Never would.”

She nodded slowly. And then—God, kids are strange—she just reached out and touched the scar on his cheek, the one beneath the corner of his eye.

“I’m not scared of you,” she said softly. “You’re my hero.”

And that was the first time in his life Simon wanted to cry in front of someone.

He held her so tight that night, you thought she might get smothered. But she clung to him too—arms around his neck like an anchor, like she’d never let go.

She gets more clever every year.

She steals his hoodies. Starts hiding his mask in ridiculous places—like the freezer, or under her bed—just to see how long it takes him to find it. She claims it’s to “keep him home longer.”

He pretends to be annoyed.

“You’re a little brat,” he mutters, tossing her over his shoulder.

“I'm baby!” she giggles back, kicking her legs.

They have their own games. Their own signals. A whole silent language between them. When she’s nervous at school, she touches her wrist twice—it means “I wish you were here.” When he’s home late from a mission, she leaves a plastic dinosaur on the kitchen table—it means “I waited.”

She tells him she wants to be like him.

A protector. A fighter.

He tells her she already is.

But inside, the thought terrifies him.

You’re the one who packs his bag now. She won’t help anymore. Not since last time.

She’d cried so hard she threw up. Told him he promised he’d stay longer. That “longer” shouldn’t mean “only six days.” She was angry in that way only children can be—grief-stricken and pure.

“I hate the army,” she said, clutching the edge of his vest.

He knelt again. Always kneeling, always trying to shrink himself to meet her where she is.

“You don’t have to understand, love. But I hope one day… you’ll forgive me for missing things.”

She didn’t answer. Just turned and ran to her room.

He left anyway. And it broke him.

He kept her crayon drawing in his vest pocket the whole mission. Folded and faded. A stick figure version of him holding hands with her beneath a smiling sun.

It’s still there.

And when he comes back, It’s always late.

You’ll hear the gate creak. The boots on the gravel. She’ll fly out of bed before you can stop her—barefoot and wild-haired, running down the stairs.

He drops everything to catch her.

She wraps herself around him like a vine. He doesn’t even get the mask off before her little arms are around his neck and she’s whispering “I missed you I missed you I missed you” like a spell.

“I missed you too, sweetheart.”

He holds her like she’s the only thing tying him to earth. And maybe she is.

Teenage girls are loud in their silence.

Simon learned that the hard way.

She doesn’t slam doors or scream. She doesn’t yell “You don’t understand!” or throw things across the room. She just gets quiet. Withdraws. Answers in clipped syllables, disappears into her hoodie, headphones in, eyes distant.

She used to run to him the second he came home. Now she doesn’t even look up from her phone.

She’s fifteen.

And sometimes, Simon thinks she’s slipping through his fingers, and he’s got nothing left but shadows and memory.

It started small.

She stopped asking him to braid her hair before bed. Said she could do it herself. She stopped leaving dinosaurs on the kitchen table. Stopped leaving notes in his rucksack.

He knew it wasn’t personal.

It was growing up.

But that didn’t make it easier.

“Give her space,” you told him gently. “She’s figuring herself out.”

He tried. He really did.

But he couldn’t help hovering near her doorway some nights, watching her back hunched over a laptop, music playing softly. Wondering if she still remembered how he used to sing to her in a voice barely above a whisper when she couldn’t sleep. Wondering if she remembered why he was gone so often.

Wondering if she still thought he was her hero.

It came up one night, out of nowhere.

She was setting the table. He’d been home for five days. The air was calm, the routine safe. And then:

“Do you wear the skull mask because you want to scare people?”

He looked up from the sink, heart stalling for a second.

He turned off the water. Dried his hands slowly. Looked her in the eye.

“No,” he said after a long pause. “I wear it because I used to think I was already dead.”

She blinked.

Didn’t say anything.

He almost regretted being honest.

“But then…” His voice caught. “Then I had you.”

The silence that followed was thick. Fragile.

And then she whispered:

“You’re not dead.”

He cleared his throat, chest aching. “No. Not anymore.”

She set down a fork.

Walked over.

And, for the first time in months, hugged him without needing a reason.

He didn’t let go for a long time.

The hardest part of fatherhood for Simon isn’t leaving. It’s letting her live.

She’s starting to go out more now. With friends. Late bus rides. Music festivals. Sleepovers at houses he doesn’t know.

He doesn’t sleep well on those nights.

You can see it—the way his leg bounces, the way he checks the time every fifteen minutes, the way he keeps his phone unlocked, her tracker app open on the screen.

“She’s not a target,” you remind him. “She’s a kid.”

But in his world, innocence doesn’t mean safety.

And light doesn’t mean there’s no danger.

When she comes home, he does the same ritual every time:

One look over her face.

A glance at her hands.

Eyes flicking to her shoes, her wrists, her neck.

A checklist of survival. It takes seconds. She doesn’t even notice.

But he does.

Only when he’s sure she’s safe does he let himself exhale.

The first time she really breaks—it’s quiet.

She comes home from school, bags under her eyes, and says: “I don’t think anyone really likes me.”

Simon is at the table cleaning a rifle.

But he puts it down immediately.

And for a long time, they just sit on the couch. Side by side. She doesn’t cry. He doesn’t pry. Eventually, she says, “I feel like I’m too much for people. Too weird.”

He looks at her then. Really looks.

And in the softest voice he can manage, he says:

“You’re not too much. The world’s just too loud.”

She leans into him.

He lets her.

She’s taller now, but somehow still fits under his arm.

“I don’t know how to be normal.”

He smiles, brushing her hair back behind her ear.

“Good. Normal’s overrated.”

She laughs, watery and real.

It’s the sound of his heart stitching back together.

Simon isn’t great with words. Not the soft ones, anyway.

But he shows her love in the way he always waits up.

In the way he replaces the lightbulb in her lamp before it burns out.

In the way he gives her his old hoodie when she’s sick and lets her keep it.

In the way he memorizes the names of her friends. Learns their schedules. Watches over them from a distance like a silent guardian.

She doesn’t say “I love you” as often as she used to.

But when she falls asleep in the car and mumbles “Dad” like it’s home…

He knows.

He knows.

She’s not a child anymore.

But she’ll always be his little girl.

And he’ll always be the ghost at her back—quiet, watchful, loyal.

Not haunting her.

Protecting her.

Always.

He never taught her how to drive.

You did.

She insisted.

He didn’t mind. Truthfully, the thought of her behind the wheel made his pulse spike. Not because he didn’t trust her, but because he knew the world. Knew how quickly things turned. He could pull a man out of a wrecked Humvee, but the idea of her skidding into a light pole because of wet asphalt made his vision go white.

So he let you take her.

Watched from the window.

She waved at him once from the driver’s seat, grinning like she owned the road.

And he waved back. Small, barely-there.

But it was enough.

It was always enough.

The house is quieter now.

She’s twenty-three.

Lives two cities over. Has a dog. A job. A life.

She comes home when she can, which isn’t often. You say that’s normal. That’s what kids do. But he still checks the front window around five every evening. Still listens for the sound of a key turning in the lock that doesn’t come.

He still sets her place at the table when you aren’t looking.

You find the folded napkins sometimes. The extra fork. He never explains. You don’t ask.

She doesn’t call him "daddy" anymore.

That’s what time does.

It sands things down.

She calls him Dad now. Or Old Man if she’s feeling playful.

He likes it. But it stings in a quiet way. Like finding an old picture and realizing you don’t remember the moment it captured.

There are still hugs. Still warmth. But she doesn’t cling to him anymore. Doesn’t bury her face in his neck. Doesn’t fall asleep on his chest while he reads boring manuals aloud to lull her.

Instead, she brings over wine. Talks about work. Politics. The rent.

She’s brilliant. Composed. Fierce in a way that reminds him of a younger you.

And sometimes, when she laughs, he sees the little girl she used to be—cheeks round, eyes bright, hands sticky from jam.

Then the moment fades.

And she’s grown again.

He doesn’t go on missions anymore.

Retired now. Officially.

He didn’t tell her right away. Wasn’t sure how. He expected a celebration, or at least a toast.

But when he finally said it over dinner—softly, plainly: “I’m done. Hung it up.”—she looked at him for a long moment. Then nodded.

“Good,” she said. “You were always more than that.”

He looked at her then—really looked—and realized she hadn’t seen him as a soldier in years.

She’d seen the man.

The father.

The one who tucked her in and stitched her broken toys and waited outside ballet recitals with bloodied knuckles he never explained.

He had been trying so hard to protect her from the world.

But she’d been watching him—all this time.

Learning how to survive by the way he loved her.

One night he got sick.

It wasn’t life-threatening. Just a flu.

But he hadn’t been sick in years, and it hit him harder than expected.

She came home that weekend without asking.

Let herself in. Took one look at him bundled in blankets on the couch and said, “You look like shit.”

He coughed. “Nice to see you too.”

But her hands were gentle. She made him tea. Sat on the armrest of the couch, fingers brushing over his forehead like she was checking for fever the way he used to when she was small.

She stayed the night. Slept on the floor beside him like a sentry.

He woke at 3 a.m. and saw her curled up in an old hoodie of his, her phone clutched in one hand, screen still lit with some half-written message.

And for a second—just a flicker—he wished she were small again.

Not because he didn’t love who she’d become.

But because that time was so brief.

So unbearably sweet.

And it was gone.

It was raining.

She stood beside him under a grey sky, both in black, her hand tucked into the crook of his elbow.

It was his brother’s grave. The one he used to visit alone.

“I wish I’d met him,” she said quietly.

“He would’ve loved you,” Simon replied. “You’ve got his mouth. Same sarcasm.”

She smiled through the tears. Leaned her head against his shoulder.

“Do you ever miss being young?”

He didn’t answer right away. Rain hit the stone like fingers drumming.

“I miss you being young,” he finally said.

And she didn’t speak again. Just held his arm tighter.

One day, it happens.

She calls him—voice shaking, words rushed. Something about a near-accident. Someone ran a red light. Her hands were shaking. She didn’t know who else to call.

And Simon?

He was already in the car before she finished the sentence.

He found her on a curb, hands trembling around a coffee cup someone had handed her. He didn’t ask questions. Just crouched in front of her and pulled her into his arms.

She broke. Sobbed into his coat like she was twelve again.

Like she was small and scared and needed her dad.

And he just held her.

Kept one hand on the back of her head.

The other over her heart.

“You’re safe,” he murmured. “I’ve got you.”

Later that night, she curled up on his old couch, wrapped in his blanket, and whispered,

“I didn’t want to call you. Thought I was too old.”

He shook his head.

“You’ll never be too old to be my girl.”

And one day…

One day, it’s just the two of them on the porch.

You’re inside baking. The sun’s going down. Her eyes are softer now.

She says, “Do you ever think you could’ve had a normal life?”

He doesn’t answer at first.

Just watches the wind move through the trees.

Then:

“This is normal. For me.”

She leans her head on his shoulder.

He doesn’t flinch anymore when touched. Not by her.

“You were always enough, you know,” she says.

He swallows. Tries to look away. Fails.

And then she adds, quieter, “You saved me. Even when I didn’t know I needed saving.”

He closes his eyes.

Because in that moment, it doesn’t matter what he’s done.

Who he’s killed.

What haunts him.

Because this is what remains.

This girl. This woman. This life they made.

And that… is enough.

He never thought he’d grow old.

Never imagined it.

He used to think men like him didn’t make it past 40 — not without a bullet or a blaze or a quiet disappearance somewhere no one would bother looking. There was always something inside him waiting for it — like his bones expected to be abandoned.

But now?

Now his body aches in new ways.

His knees click when he gets up too fast.

The hair at his temples has gone silver, and his hands have lost their steady, deadly stillness.

But you’re still here.

Still brushing your teeth beside him. Still humming while folding sheets. Still asking if he wants tea or if his shoulder hurts when it rains.

And it guts him. Every single time.

That you stayed.

That you chose to grow old next to a man who never expected to live long enough to deserve it.

Your love has changed.

It’s not fireworks now. Not firelight and breathless kissing in hotel rooms after too-long deployments.

It’s quieter. But deeper. Warmer.

It’s how you always leave the light on for him, even when he forgets to ask.

It’s how he sets out your slippers without thinking, so your feet don’t touch the cold floor in the morning.

It’s how you never ask where he’s going when he disappears into the garage, and how he never questions the way you cry at old home videos, even though you’ve seen them a hundred times.

There’s a kind of intimacy now that goes deeper than touch.

A knowing.

A weightless ease, like your hearts have learned how to lean on each other without needing to speak.

You’ll brush past him in the kitchen, and he’ll place a hand on the small of your back — not to move you, not to guide you, but just to feel you. To remind himself you’re real. Here.

Still his.

Sometimes he just watches you.

He won’t say it out loud. He’s too old for poetry, and too hardened for flowery things. But sometimes, when you’re reading by the window, your glasses slipping down your nose and the light touching your cheek just right—

He stares at you like you’re something holy.

Like you're the last beautiful thing left in a world he once thought he’d never understand.

He’ll pretend to be half-asleep on the couch, or too focused on whatever’s in his hands — but he’s watching you. Memorizing you again and again, like a man trying to hold onto something too big to keep.

Because he knows.

He knows time takes things.

He’s lost too many people to pretend otherwise.

So he watches. And he commits you to memory. Every wrinkle near your eyes. Every gray strand of hair. Every sigh. Every smile.

You catch him sometimes. And he always looks away like a boy caught daydreaming.

“You’re staring,” you tease.

He shrugs. “I always do.”

He still has the mask.

It’s in a box now. Top of the closet. Buried under old jumpers and Christmas decorations.

You told him he didn’t need it anymore, and he agreed.

But he kept it. Quietly. Respectfully.

You found him once, years ago, just sitting with it in his lap. The house was silent. The air still.

You didn’t say anything. Just sat beside him.

He looked at you, eyes far away, voice quieter than you’d ever heard.

“I wore this to keep the world out,” he said. “But somehow, you still found your way in.”

And you leaned against him.

And he let you.

And neither of you moved for a long time.

He loves you differently now.

Not less. Not softer.

But heavier.

There’s a weight to it now. A depth.

He knows what it means to have someone for a lifetime. He knows what it costs to stay — what it takes to love a man who wakes from nightmares, who still pauses at loud noises, who forgets he’s safe even now.

And he sees what it cost you, too.

He saw it in your eyes when the baby was crying and he wasn’t home.

Saw it when you had to explain to your daughter why “daddy” missed her school recital.

Saw it in the way you smiled through the loneliness, always so patient, always so good.

He never said thank you. Not enough.

So now he shows it.

In every slow dance in the kitchen.

In every cup of tea made before you ask.

In every time he reaches for your hand during a movie, just to feel your fingers between his.

He asks you one night.

“Do you regret it?”

It’s late. The moonlight’s dripping through the window, and the sheets are tangled between your legs. You’re half-asleep, but his voice pulls you back.

You turn toward him. Find him already watching you.

“All of it,” he says, quietly.

And you reach for him, tuck your fingers beneath his chin like you did when you were younger. His beard is whiter now. His eyes softer.

“I’d do it all over again,” you say.

And he believes you. With every beat of his scarred, stubborn heart.

You fall asleep like that — your fingers in his, your breath slow against his skin.

And somewhere in the dark, in a house full of years and silence and everything you've both endured...

Simon smiles.

Because in the end, despite everything he’s done, everything he’s lost—

You stayed.

And that made all the difference.

It starts with small things.

Keys. Names.

What day it is.

Where he left his book.

At first, you joke about it. Call it “old man brain,” and he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck, muttering something about brain damage and too many concussions.

But then he starts calling the dog by the wrong name.

Asks where your daughter is — even though she just called.

He forgets the kettle is on.

Leaves the tap running.

Stares at the cupboard, confused, trying to remember why he opened it.

And one day, you find him standing in the hallway, still as stone, holding one of her baby toys in his hand.

“She used to chew on this,” he says, quiet, “didn’t she?”

You nod.

“She’s twenty-seven now, Simon.”

He blinks at the toy.

“Oh.”

You learn his patterns.

He doesn’t like loud noises anymore.

Doesn’t like too many people in the house.

Gets tired easily. Confused quickly. Frustrated at himself more than anything.

But he’s still him.

He still drinks his tea the same way. Still looks for your hand under the blanket when you watch old movies. Still walks beside you in the garden, pointing at flowers like he remembers what they’re called — even if he doesn’t.

“Is that one the… the purple one?” he asks.

You smile. “Lavender.”

“Right. Right, I knew that.”

He didn’t.

But he likes when you pretend he did.

Sometimes he has bad days.

Days where he wakes up and doesn’t know where he is.

Days when he looks at you and his face folds — not in anger, but in heartbreak.

“I’m supposed to know you,” he says once, voice shaking. “Aren’t I?”

You take his hands. Place them on your cheeks. Let him feel the shape of your face.

“You do. You always have.”

He breathes in, trembling.

“I’m scared, love.”

“I know,” you whisper. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

And you don’t.

You never do.

But there are still good days.

Days when he laughs at your terrible jokes.

When he remembers how to make your tea before you do.

When he tells you a story from the army — one he swore he’d forgotten.

And there are still evenings where he pulls you in, slow and careful, kisses the corner of your mouth and says,

“Still the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Even with the wrinkles?” you tease.

“Especially with them,” he grins.

You cry in the kitchen after that one.

Quietly.

Not because you’re sad.

But because you still get to have this.

And then one morning, he doesn’t know your name.

He wakes with a start. Looks at you.

And doesn’t say anything.

Not confusion. Not fear. Just… blankness.

You speak gently. Smile.

Tell him your name like it’s the first time.

Tell him you’re safe. That he is too.

And he nods.

“Alright. If you say so.”

But later — later that same day — when you bring him tea, he takes your hand and murmurs:

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

You freeze.

“Do you know who I am?”

He blinks. Thinks.

“No. But I know I love you.”

The days stretch longer now.

He’s quieter, softer — not from peace, but from the slow unraveling of time. There are whole mornings where he doesn’t speak at all. Just watches the trees, the clouds, your hands in the garden. Like his soul has moved somewhere deep inside, and he’s just floating now.

He forgets more often than he remembers.

But he still holds your hand.

Even when he doesn’t know who you are, he finds your fingers. Rubs his thumb over your knuckle. Leans into your shoulder like a man who’s known only one comfort in his entire life.

And he has.

You.

He sleeps more now.

Sometimes all day.

You sit with him. Read aloud. Tell stories he once told you. Some of them are true, some of them aren’t — he wouldn’t correct you now even if he knew.

But he smiles sometimes. At the sound of your voice.

Like part of him — the part too deep to lose — still knows you.

And when he wakes, slow and blinking, he always asks:

“You’re still here?”

And you always answer, soft and warm:

“I’ve always been here.”

It happens on a rainy morning.

There’s nothing dramatic about it.

No gasp. No panic. No final words.

Just a stillness.

You wake first. His hand is still wrapped around yours. His chest still, his face soft, relaxed — like he simply drifted somewhere quieter. Somewhere gentler.

He doesn’t look afraid.

He looks young.

Somehow.

Like the weight finally left him.

And for a long, long time, you don’t move.

You just rest your head on his chest, where his heartbeat used to be, and whisper the only thing that ever mattered:

“You made it, Simon. You’re safe now.”

You bury him beside the lavender.

The spot he always loved — where the bees hummed and the light hit just right in spring.

Your daughter helps. The grandkids each place a flower on the earth. You keep your hand on the stone long after everyone else has gone.

There’s no mask on it. No rank. No war stories.

Just:

Simon Riley

Beloved Husband. Father. Safe, at last.

And you keep living.

Not out of duty.

Not out of guilt.

But because he would want you to.

You still drink your tea the way he made it.

Still hum old songs while folding the laundry.

Still leave the porch light on, out of habit.

Some nights, you sit alone with the rain on the window and close your eyes — and you swear you feel it:

His hand on your shoulder.

The breath of him.

The warmth.

You speak into the dark like he’s still beside you.

“I’ll be there soon. Not yet. But soon.”

Because real love never ends.

And the life you built together — the quiet, the pain, the laughter, the child, the years — it doesn’t vanish when he goes.

It lives in you.

In your daughter.

In every soft, ordinary, beautiful thing he once thought he could never have.

Simon made it home.

And home was always you.

You can help me by reblogging my works with the tags and please do not repost, modify, translate or plagiarize in any way on any platforms.

[vajjaa]

first (try) at a fic ever! i went insane over superman and thought about this.. reader doesn’t know clark’s superman

summary: the whole week’s been off, and when it’s too much? he’s there. well, almost

______________________

mondays suck. well, every day seems to suck as of late. the whole week Y/N has been thinking of friday- finally getting together with her boyfriend clark. it’s been hell, clark’s work at the daily planet keeping him busier than ever, barely having time for his dearest :(

during the walk to work she thinks “just one more day.” not even a full day, right after work the world’s handsomest man would be coming to pick up Y/N… but until then..

already at the restaurant back doors she hears him. rick randy. the dickest dick there’s ever been, right as her lovely coworker!

“OI- Oi! Y/N! good mooorning, how’s my favourite gal? ya getting more exercise lately? looking tight!”

his balding head and gummy grin accompanied by that absolutely foul breath- does this man know of a toothbrush? anyway.. it all immediately rings in her ears like a fork in a garbage disposal fighting with a seagull

“hah.. morning rick..” she says with an awkward laugh and tight smile, wrapping her apron around her waist and fixing the few flyaway hairs in the breakroom mirror, seeing rick ogling at her backside behind her. is it worth risking ones job to punch a creep? there’s nothing to do anyway.. rick’s been here over a decade, she just starting. no power yet. as if being a waitress at one of the newest and busiest restaurants in NY isn’t hard enough, her favourite coworker tina has of course called in sick. apparently rick has come to cover. time to start the day!

“oh by the way beautiful, you’re at the bar today. dylan’s out today”

“what? can’t anyone else cover him? who’ll cover me?” she asks, frazzled. the bar being number one of her most hated places.

“nah sweetie, you’re in for dylan, i’m in for tina and we’ll get harriet in place for you. sound good?” and before you could even blink- “awesome! get on out there!”

*just take a deep breath.. count to three.. it’ll be okay. i’ll see clark today and he’ll fix it.*

after hours of yelling over customer noise, laughable tips and a few “swee’ heart, what’s a guy gotta tip to get a lookie under yer shirt?” she’s close to tears. hating the attention from strange smelly men, hating the passing comments from rick, amd hating how the tag inside the uniform’s shirt itches she finally gets out. ah, outside. fresh air, sun- oh it’s raining.

raining. clark and Y/N had been talking about a beach picnic all week and now it’s raining. well, you can have a picnic inside! just to get to clark’s car.. where is the car? huh.. he was supposed to be here at 7 right as she got off.

checking her phone, expecting a missed call, messages about being late she finds.. nothing. pressing on clark’s contact named “babes” she calls, only to receive his beautiful voice informing “hey! i can’t get to the phone right now! leave a message!”

after the 4th try, she gives up. however, too broke for a taxi the only way home would be to walk.. for 20 minutes in downpour rain and heavy wind? oh god, there’s gotta be some wa-

“sweetie ey! over ‘ere!”

rick waves from his car. oh my god. this can’t be. after 30 seconds of thought, the rain getting heavier every second she decides. it’s one ride.. right?

she sits down on the passenger seat, rick already waving his grubby hands too close when he starts driving, not leaving a second silent “ah, wouldn’t wanna get that pretty face all ruined from the rain would we? pretty clothes too, ya dress up for me princess?” followed with a cackle straight from the darkest point of his heart. this doesn’t feel nice, or right. something about rick’s smirk isn’t friendly, and-

“i live right there. thanks ri-“

she’s cut short when his stank mouth comes and places itself on her cheek, no permission asked.

she’s frozen. teary. oh no, this can’t be happening. the door won’t open, his lips don’t move, her breath comes faster, heart running like she wants to. just away.

she pushes until the larger man stumbles back into his seat and she jumps out of the car, running to her apartment with sobs.

in her home, she collapses against the front door with heavy sobs, trying to see if maybe clark would be there. maybe he’d just known. please? but no. it’s only her shoes at the door and all the lights are off.

after a bit, she gets enough energy to get angry. angry at rick. WHY DID HE DO- angry at clark. WHERE IS HE-. voicemail. sent to voicemail again and again and again until she finally passes out on the couch watching a comfort movie and hugging the most chocolatey ice cream tub she found in the freezer.

*11pm*

clark’s going insane. he knows he’s late. he knows she’s mad. he knows she doesn’t know WHY clark couldn’t come. how can he explain to an already sad girlfriend that “hey! i wasn’t ignoring you! i was saving a bunch of new yorkers from dangers you can’t even begin to understand! because i’m superman!”

he just has to get to her apartment, let her punch his chest and cry and yell, he wants to apologize and make it all up.

he opens the door with the spare key, finding all the lights off except the living room lit by the tv, now just playing some random movie on autoplay. the sight would make anyone cry. a girlfriend shaped lump on the couch cuddling ice cream, face messy and blanket wrapped around her tight. his blanket. obvious tear tracks on her face.

he carries her to bed, and just as he lays her down she wakes with a “hm? clar- clark!”

she sits up

“clark! you’re way too many hours late! you don’t even know what happened and-“

she’s interrupted by a sob she didn’t know she was holding. clark immediately sits next to her, wrapping her arms around her and bringing her messy haired head under his chin.

“shh, baby, m’so sorry, i know you probably hate me a bit right now but i swear i just had an emergency at work.. m’ here now.. we’ll go picnic tomorrow, yeah? got the whole weekend together.”

she slowly looks up at him, wiping her eyes. after explaining the whole week and night, he cups her cute face and wipes her little tears, laying down with her.

“babe.. i’m so sorry. i hate that rick so much. i’ll try to help you. anything you need, ask me.”

he presses gentle kisses all over her face until she giggles and finally presses a sweet and soft kiss to her lips

“i love you. i’m still a bit mad. a little more sad. but i’m glad you’re here.” her small voice admits

“i love you too. more than anything.”

he smiles and cuddles close. both falling asleep, finally calm

[vajjaa]

real I NEED MORE TREVOR🙏

is it possible to either request a fic or hc whatever you feel like doing of trevor?

something kind of like that college request with love sick smitten nauseating trevor and his sweet little girlfriend who walks in to them planning a heist. she knows what he does but she doesn’t want a part of it and neither does trevor but she still supports him. he does anything in his power to keep her out of it. but does he get turned on seeing her hold his gun? yes. will he eventually try to get her warmed up to straddling him with a gun pointed at his neck while she rides him? absolutely.

but putting her in danger is something that makes him physically sick. maybe during the heist she somehow ends up in crosshairs, similar to what trevor did in north yankton when he put that gun to the woman’s head “if you move i’ll shoot her brains out”

but trevor just sees red like his special ability. killing anyone who angers or threatens his baby.

HI literally making me absolutely feral i hope you enjoy <3 <3 Trevor you're such a real one

tw for guns, violence, vague sexual descriptions, typical trevor stuff

Trevor fell in love with you because of your innocence. All the girls who loved him where like him, something similar in their hard gaze, the smell of alcohol on their breath. Not you. You were different.

he swore it was a good thing, he promised Ron and Wade that you were happy with him.

they never believed him. it was hard to believe Trevor on a good day

but they could see from the way you were with him that he was telling the truth. You would sit in his trailer, gently cleaning up without being invasive, laugh at his dumb jokes, call him cute. There is no one someone who didn't love Trevor would do all that

He was nauseating about you. He talked about you all the time, bragged endlessly, always had your name on the tip of his tongue.

"Yeah, I brought her out to dinner last night. She tried to drink me under the table but I had to bring her home," he would say, with heart eyes.

"She didn't make me take down my posters. Would Amanda do that for you Michael?"

"We had lots of fun yesterday. Don't worry Ron, I cleaned the couch. "

He loved that he had something in his life no one else did. You were his unicorn.

Obviously spending so much time with Trevor, it was easy to know what he did for a living. He didn't like to hide anything from you and he didn't like to hide his job in general

Trust that he would be honest about everything. Down to the last penny, he would tell you what he did and why he did it (even if his reasonings were always a little skewed)

You didn't want anything to do with it. You had no interest in going to jail and he perfectly respected and appreciated that. He liked having someone on the outside anyway

Plus, you were the person he could go to outside of all of that. He had plenty of friends in the business, he wanted something that was normal and just for him

that being said

Trevor does love a little bit of corruption. He has never said no to taking you out shooting.

"Just...like that," he muttered. He had his hands on top of yours, his body pressed against your back. You had one eye closed like it would help you aim the gun in your hand. You starred at the beer can on the stump, breathing in and out evenly, just like he had taught you. "Whenever you're ready doll."

You pulled the trigger. Your ears rang out. Trevor didn't believe in ear protection (or any protection for that matter). You missed, just barely.

"Am I getting better?" you asked, hopelessly. You had asked him to teach you to use a gun just in case someone came home while he wasn't there. He agreed. You needed to know how to defend yourself.

"Oh so good. Honestly better than most of the men I've worked with." He loved seeing a gun in your hand. He loved when you brandished it, talking like it wasn't a fully loaded weapon in your hand. He liked when it got a little close to him, making him twitch a bit.

But that's a whole different battle.

Other than that, you avoided all of his lifestyle things. No heists, no ride alongs. He wanted you as safe as humanly possible.

Naturally, if you were around, you were bound to walk into a heist planning without meaning to. You didn't recognize the concentrated look on Trevor's face as he starred at the wall, full of papers and lines and pictures. You had just been grabbing some groceries before coming back to Wade's cousins.

Michael Townley was there, his eyes trained on the wall as well.

"He's no good. We need someone who's done this before Trevor," Michael was saying. You slowly closed the door, approaching the wall. Trevor was sitting on the arm of the couch.

"And Frank is? I mean, I like the kid, don't get me wrong. But can he handle all that?" Trevor's sounded unenthused. He turned to look at Michael and saw you standing behind him, grocery bags in your hand. He stood up quickly. His sudden movements caused Michael to turn around. "Hey baby. You're back early."

"The other store I wanted to go to was closed," you explained. "What's all this?" You asked even though you knew the answer.

"Nothin'," he promised, approaching you. He grabbed a bag from your hand. "You grab beer?"

"Course."

"Atta girl." He helped you put things down on the kitchen counter. Michael gave you a nod in acknowledgment. You returned it with a thin lipped smile.

"Are you guys planning a heist?"

"No need to worry about that dollface," Trevor said. "We can finish this up later." He turned to look at Michael, eyes like daggers, daring him to defy. Michael nodded once. He knew what it was like to want to keep someone out of the danger.

"Yeah, no problem."

but the information stayed up there. You could look at it while you watched the TV, making sense of the ramblings. They'd be down by the docks.

Trevor ignored any questions you asked about it. You didn't want to know, he knew that. You were just curious.

The day of, he planned a full day. Heist at 9, lunch with you at 1. You would come grab him from a safe point, he made sure of it.

Then things went array. His timing had never been great and honestly, he probably should have made sure the safe point was completely safe. It was the exit area, the place where everyone was supposed to meet up when things went well. Everyone showed, all the goods were there...

they were followed

You were already there, waiting with your car, sitting on your phone

You saw everyone rolling up, tires screeching and people running

Guns were going off. You ducked your head below your steering wheel and freaked out silently

Someone was running towards the car, grabbing your drivers door, opening it up because you didn't bother leaving it locked. You didn't even think

Someone pulled you out of the car, tossing you on the ground. You saw little to nothing for a moment, eyes blacking out as you looked around the soon to be chaos

You stood up shakily and saw the man who had pushed you down. Someone completely foreign and honestly scary looking. The second you registered his face, it had been blasted off.

You screamed, almost falling over and scampering away

Someone had grabbed your arm, keeping you up

"Right here doll."

You knew the voice well and almost melted into Trevor's touch, a heavy sigh of relief leaving your lips. Even if everyone was still shooting, you were safe with Trevor. He'd never let anything happen to you.

He dragged out of the fire and placed you carefully behind a car.

"Stay here till I get you." He gave you a gun and said nothing else until he had turned around.

You peaked over the car. There were dozens of men pointing a gun at him. He looked untouchable, guns in both hands, face hard, eyes red.

"Now who wants to fucking try it? Huh?"

You had never seem him move so efficiently. It was like he couldn't get hurt at all. His vision had slowed and everything in his way was gone.

He didn't stop until the very last man was under his boot and a gun was through their temple.

Then he ignored all of his comrades to run to you, skidding on his knees to make sure you were alright.

"You alright baby? They hurt you? I'm so sorry you had to be here."

His voice was rushed and honest. He had you in his arms, breathing harshly. You held him tightly against you, breathing in the smell of his shitty cologne. You had never been so happy to see him.

[vajjaa]

mitosis // peter parker

pairing: peter parker x stark! reader

summary: you and peter have a bio project on asexual reproduction; specifically, mitosis. the avengers believe there is a different type of reproduction going on, and hint hint, it is not asexual.

warnings: friends to lovers, mutual pining, tony stark is a FOOL, the avengers are horrible meddling matchmakers, swearing, mentions of sex but no smut, poor bruce just wants to help

w/c: 10.4k (i'm so sorry i got carried away)

“this might be a bad time to ask, but what… is…  that?” you slapped your hand next to a diagram of a cell splitting itself into pieces, like some fucked up version of a minecraft slime that existed in your body—no, was your body.

peter sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes, but you could tell he wasn’t actually upset. his lips were pursed and the corners of his mouth curved downwards, which was a telltale sign that he was holding back a laugh.

“you do realize that this project is due in a week, right?” peter, who had been lying on his stomach while studying, pushed himself off the ground to meet your eye level. he scooched a bit closer to you, pushing the textbook out from between you so he could get close enough for his knees to touch yours.

“duh, i totally knew that. it’s on my calendar and everything.” you and peter both looked up at the captain-america-holding-puppies themed calendar on your wall; peter raised his eyebrows, amused, when he saw that the entire month was blank.

“i mean my digital calendar. who even uses physical calendars anymore? that’s so stupid. i only bought it to support the puppies. not because steve looks really g- not because i wanted to use it, or anything. besides, it’s good decor.”

peter didn’t try to hold back his laughter this time. he pressed his hands to your cheeks, shaking your head. “you’re so dumb, you know that right?” you grinned, except not really, because your face was being squished.

“no! your fashe is shtupid!” you swatted at his hands, scrambling for the discarded textbook and holding it up in front of your face to shield yourself from his attack.

peter chuckled breathlessly, guiding the textbook down from between the two of your faces until it brushed against both of your legs, which hadn’t stopped touching. peter caught his breath and his playful expression from a minute ago softened into a look of adoration. you smiled faintly at him, eyes darting between his. sure, the two of you were friends. best friends, maybe—but you had always thought that was unfair to MJ and ned—but you weren’t the type of friends to hold each other’s faces (even if it was just a joke) or sit so close to each other (even if it was just for the convenience of sharing a textbook) or get lost in each others’ eyes (even if that’s what you were doing right now). 

you heard your father’s sing-song voice as his muffled footsteps (he was probably wearing his new iron man slippers) approached your door. “oh stark spawnnn… my favorite child…”

the trance that you and peter were in broke immediately. you smiled sheepishly and pushed yourself off the ground to go see why your father was calling you. you only took a few steps before the door flew open to reveal an energetic tony stark. 

“how many red bulls have you had today?” you sighed, having given up on trying to reduce your father’s energy drink dependency long ago.

“uh, five.” he checked his watch. “it’s only 11 though!” he shrugged his shoulders. “anyways, i need you to- oh hi spiderboy.” tony looked past your shoulder to see a pink-faced peter sitting awkwardly next to an open biology textbook and two backpacks. peter raised his hand in greeting, not wanting to push it by using words considering he was already in the daughter of his mentor’s room.

“you needed?” you prompted, stealing a glance at peter at the same time your father did. you were antsy, wanting to get back to doing whatever it was that you had been doing with peter as soon as possible.

“right. you know you’re my favorite kid, right? remember how i took you to mexico last month and let you buy as much street food as you wanted? you’re a really good, smart, cool kid, you know? i-”

“alright, spit it out. and don’t even get me started on mexico—that was because you had a mission. so,” you sighed, unable to stay mad at him after seeing the guilt creeping on your dad’s face. if tony stark was showing any emotion other than narcissism, something must’ve been seriously wrong. “what did you do?”

“okay, so i might have gotten into an argument with cap…” you looked at him suspiciously. that was a pretty normal occurrence. “…aaand i may have called him ageriatriccosplayerinspandex…. uh… wholookslikehecouldbeinasexyfirefightercalendar… but that he was sopurethathewouldprobablycombustjustlookingatthecostumes.” 

“dad. i- i have no clue what you just said and i don’t really want to, considering the only words i could make out were ‘geriatric, spandex, sexy firefighter, combust’ and that doesn’t sound very promising.” tony looked down at the floor in shame.

“so you came to me to help you to help steve to forgive you? aren’t you like, the adult here?” tony pushed his glasses up his nose, eyebrows furrowed.

“i, uh, can’t. because he’s locked himself into his room and the last time i saw him he was probably as red as my suit. and you know he’ll listen to you over me!” tony whined, pulling at his hair, distressed.

“okay, okay. yeah, i’ve got it. now can you go and eat something? all that redbull’s gonna kill you if you don’t have carbs to soak it up. or at least i think that’s how nutrition works. i don’t know. when you and steve finish filming your firefighter porno, you can ask him about it. after all, he’s a supersoldier.” you grabbed your father’s arms to turn him around, then dug your palms into his back to push him out the door. “goodbye favorite father!”

“i’m your only father!” you heard tony yell back at you as your door slammed shut.

“jeez, i’m so sorry about that peter.” you threw yourself onto your bed with a couple of bounces from the impact. peter laughed, coming up to meet you on the plush comforter. he grabbed a pillow and laid it under your head, which you raised gratefully so that he could slide it underneath you. as he fluffed the pillow, peter’s hand slipped behind your neck to pull your hair out from beneath you and ran his fingers through it absentmindedly as he splayed it out like sunbeams around your head. you hummed contentedly.

“so, steve’s a sexy firefighter, huh?” peter mused, his calloused fingers brushing gently at your hairline, pulling stray strands and baby hairs out of your eyes.

“i could see that,” you grinned. “he’s got the body to be a calendar model, for sure. i mean, he’s already got a puppy calendar. i wouldn’t be opposed to 12 different pictures of shirtless steve in my room.”

peter was silent for a moment before he cleared his throat. “your dad said something about steve listening to you?” he wasn’t jealous or anything, just curious about your relationship with him. i mean, steve was pretty nice. and chivalrous. and adored. and really, really, really ripped-

“oh yeah, he did say that. steve and i are kind of similar, you know? we’re just surrounded by tech geniuses and STEM minds,” you raised your hand to tap his nose, and missed, poking him in the lips, “like you. and it gets a little isolating sometimes, not being able to do that kind of stuff. steve’s a really talented artist, you know? but he doesn’t really show anyone his work because he feels like it’s not as important as what everyone else does. and, well, it’s not like i inherited my dad’s genes or anything.” your eyes were fixed on the ceiling. “sometimes i wonder if being tony stark’s kid is worth it, you know? maybe if i had been adopted by a normal family, i wouldn’t feel so inadequate all the time, surrounded by fucking superheros…” you trailed off, losing yourself to your own thoughts.

“do you really feel like that?” peter’s voice was laced with concern. he crawled over to you with as much grace as one could have when crawling around on a bed—which is to say, none—so he could look you in the eyes. you smiled at the bed creaking and sinking under his shifting weight, but it didn’t reach your eyes.

“is that really what you think of yourself?” peter had propped himself up with his forearm stretched your body, his other arm pressed into the space beside your head so that his face was floating just a foot above yours. you turned your head to the side, not wanting to get into all of your deepest darkest insecurities when you had originally planned on working on your biology project. you were not emotionally prepared for this.

“uh, i should probably check on steve. my dad is probably gonna keep interrupting us to beg if i don’t play peacemaker, like, right now. and interruptions would be really bad for, uh, our productivity.

‘cuz we have to work on that project about miosum. miolsis. mitosis.” you slipped out from beneath peter’s body, fiddling with the hem of your shirt as you lingered by the door.

“yeah, um, yeah. you’re right.” peter shook his head rapidly, trying to gain control of his thoughts and slow his racing heart. “yeah. and you were right, it’s mitosis. MJ and ned are doing miosis.”

he could tell that those words made no sense to you; that blank stare did not escape his watchful eye. “go see steve. i’m sure that… he needs you. he probably needs someone close right now, or something.” peter laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. stupid peter! stupid, stupid peter! why are you encouraging her to leave?

“yeah, that’s a good idea,” your hand was on the doorknob, but you made no indication of wanting to leave. “yeah, he’s really important to me, and i wouldn’t want to see him upset. so i should probably be a good-” you coughed, “friend. a good friend to him.” why did you do that? friend? why friend? friends plural? what about friends? why about friends? what does that even mean? with one last glance over your shoulder, you ripped open the door and slammed it behind you, fast-paced steps echoing in the hallway as you practically sprinted away from your room, and from peter. 

as soon as he heard your footsteps recede, peter flopped onto your bed much as you had done just a few minutes ago. he groaned, flinging his arm over his forehead with dejection. why was he always screwing things up? he had been so close to you, twice, and both times he had managed to break the tension before it could go anywhere. well, the first time was tony’s fault. but the second time was all on him—he had upset you to the point where you literally ran away from him into the arms of the person he was jealous of. 

the door flew open again. what now? why is there no privacy around here?

“i thought i heard something!” sam and bucky stood in the doorway, the former leaning against the frame with a smirk and the latter behind him with his arm crossed and his permanent grimace affixed to his face.

“h-hey! uh, what are you guys doing here?” peter stuttered, pushing himself off the bed and standing with his arms pressed flat against his sides, eyes darting around the room as if he had just hidden a corpse under the bed.

“i could ask the same,” sam probed, easily seeing through peter’s poor attempt at nonchalance. “stark’s kid, huh?” sam nodded, looking peter up and down appraisingly. he elbowed bucky, who had not been paying attention whatsoever, and the two of them whispered to each other furiously before turning back to peter, who was extremely confused and a bit uncomfortable.

“uh, yeah. we were just-” peter’s arms peeled off from their aggressively straightened position as he tried to conjure up an explanation as to why he was in your room, in your bed, without making it seem like he was a perv digging around your personal belongings.

“so, where’s your other half? hiding under the bed? in the closet, maybe? no need to be embarrassed kids, we all saw it coming.”

“what are you even talking about- there’s nobody- what?” peter gulped, watching as bucky shoved sam to the side, striding menacingly towards him. oh shit. were they going to kill him because they thought he was a stalker, or something? wait, what if bucky thinks i’m trying to steal steve’s girl? oh god, this is it. this is the end. bucky’s metal hand wrapped around peter’s tense shoulder. peter shut his eyes, preparing for the worst. instead, bucky’s flesh hand ruffled peter’s hair; and to peter’s shock, the grumpy supersoldier’s face was bearing the faintest hint of amusement.

“you two stay safe, alright?” bucky extended his hands, much to peter’s further confusion. a box of extra large condoms with a stick-on bow landed in bucky’s hands. he promptly handed the gift to peter.

peter’s eyes flickered from the festive condom box to sam, who was mimicking a basketball shoot, to bucky, who was trying his best to paste his frown back on, but clearly struggling as he took in peter’s bewilderment and sam’s ridiculousness.

“right, we’re done here! and you can come out from under the bed, we don’t care.” sam yelled back to peter as he dragged bucky away, muttering something that sounded like “horny teenagers…”

obviously, there was nobody under the bed. you were probably busy consoling steve in his bed. not that peter was thinking about you being in beds, of course. i mean, sure, he was, but in a purely innocent way. like, you were sitting on a frame you got from IKEA. super pure and stuff.

peter blinked a few times, swaying dazedly in place before resigning himself to brainstorming project ideas. he probably should’ve been mad that his project partner didn’t even know what mitosis was—the topic they had been studying for two weeks now—but he knew he could never be upset with you. instead, he pulled out his laptop and started taking notes for you. he had the material down, but after hearing how you’d felt inadequate around science and technology-oriented people, he’d be damned if he made you feel like you didn’t understand the material. (even if you didn’t.)

peter was so swept up in his work that he nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of you hissing at natasha as she laughed. it wasn’t like he wanted to listen in on your conversation or that he was a creep—he couldn’t help it! he had superhuman hearing, after all.

“—sleeping with him! i knew something was going on.” natasha wasn’t even trying to be quiet, and even with his hands over his ears, he could hear every word. he cursed his unnatural hearing

abilities. sleeping with someone? who were you sleeping with? why didn’t he know about this? peter wasn’t sure if he wanted to know anyway.

“i am not sleeping with him, you creep! since when did you become a conspiracy theorist?” peter heard natasha’s amused snort.

“riiight. so you just so happen to smell like cologne and you have bedhead in the middle of the afternoon when you and i both know you were up at 7:30 today?”

you groaned. your voice was pretty close to the door now, and peter nearly slammed his head down into the textbook so it wouldn’t look like he’d been intentionally eavesdropping.

“goodbye, natasha.” the door swung open to reveal a disgruntled figure who indeed had bedhead. shit. you were sleeping with steve. and he had basically encouraged you to. peter had never wanted to get punched in the face more.

“hey,” you sighed, collapsing dramatically next to peter’s side. his back was hunched over in concentration, but as your body brushed against his arm, he stiffened. you looked concerned. “everything good?”

 peter thought he was going to be sick.

“yeah! yep, i’m totally good. really great, actually, because i just remembered that may said we were getting thai tonight! so i should probably get back earlier.” he forced out an unconvincing laugh. “uh, i took notes for you. i’ll just share the document when i get home, or something. okay! bye! see you tomorrow! i’m super excited to work on our project!” peter rambled as he shoved everything into his backpack, zipping it up with unnatural speed and running out of your room without so much as a look backwards.

-- 

sunday morning was rainy and humid. peter steeled himself before knocking on your bedroom door, squeezing out the last of the water in his floppy hair. 

“pete!” you squealed, happy to see him. after his abrupt leave yesterday, you thought you might’ve done something wrong and spent the night restlessly wracking your brain for anything that could’ve upset him. you never ended up figuring it out; your brain only stopped it’s churning after the first glimmers of sunrise peaked through your window.

you threw yourself into peter’s chest, knocking the air out of him. after a second or two, peter wrapped his arms around yours and rubbed his hand up and down your back soothingly, making sure it didn’t slip down further than would be platonically acceptable. your arms clung around his waist possessively, clinging onto him as if he was going to run away again.

“you’re gonna get all wet if you keep hugging me like this,” peter chided, craning his neck to rest his chin on the crown of your head. you were a bit too short for it to be a comfortable position, and the two of you had always laughed about it, but the truth was peter enjoyed the closeness of it. he felt your warm breath against his damp shirt as you mumbled something with your face pressed into his body. it tickled.

“hm? what was that?” just like yesterday afternoon, he stroked the back of your head and ran his fingers through your hair. you sighed, melting into his embrace even more.

“i said your chest is too hard. i feel like i’ve given myself a concussion.” you scoffed. “you’d make the worst pillow ever. absolutely horrible at cuddling,” you mumbled, pressing your face back into his chest and inhaling deeply, “and you’re like the worst hugger.”

peter laughed and you could feel his body vibrating around you. you unwravelled yourself from him but kept your hands on his biceps so you could pull back steadily. you looked him up and down and frowned when you saw his sneakers, which had left squeaky puddles of water outside your room.

“ew, look at the mud.” you poked his shoe with your fluffy-sock covered toe. “c’mon, i’ll find something for you to wear.” you pulled peter inside, your eyes fixated on your dresser with such determination that you missed the dopey smile on peter’s face as he trailed behind you, kicking the door shut once you were both in.

“take off your sneakers, they’re nasty.” you tossed a pair of bundled socks at peter with your back still turned as you dug through messy heaps of clothing. it hit his arm with a soft bump and another as it fell to the floor. you swung your head around, watching as he bent down to pick up the socks, already knowing what you were about to say it.

“i’m not even going to say anything.” you smirked. “i’ll save the peter tingle jokes to may.”

he pursed his lips together to try and suppress the grin that threatened to spread across his face as he sat on the edge of your bed and started untying his shoes. i have to control myself around her. she’s already taken—i think—and it would be so unfair for her to find out that i like her too. i can’t put her in that position. just act natural, peter. no pining.

“uh, all your shirts are in the wash.” you cracked your neck. “great. the minute i decided to wear them is when you need them the most.”

“you wear my clothes?” peter croaked, trying to fan away the image of you in one of those stupid science pun t-shirts he’d worn so often that they had softened from their original stiff, boxy, cheap structure into something comfortable enough for you to wear, apparently.

“yeah, sometimes. to bed, and whatever, you know?” you fiddled with a bundle of fabric in your hands bashfully.

why are we always talking about beds.

you cleared your throat. “anyways! i found this. if it doesn’t fit, i’m sure i can scrounge for something else.” this time, he caught the shirt when you tossed it over to him. crossing his arms, he pulled off his damp shirt in one sweep, much to your horror.

jesus holy shit fucking christ. no wonder his chest is so hard. oh god, i said that out loud to him, didn’t i? that’s so embarrassing, oh my god. why am i like this? i’m staring. it’s not just embarrassing anymore, it’s creepy. but look at him! the rainwater makes his abs look like they’re-

your ogling was interrupted by the sight of the new, dry shirt covering up his bare skin. you shakily met his eyes, praying he hadn’t noticed. of course he fucking noticed. peter pushed the curls from his forehead to reveal the shit-eating grin pasted across his stupid, perfect face.

“uh, i’m glad it fits!” you squeaked, spinning around as quickly as you could. you busied yourself with digging around for more clothes as you heard peter’s chuckle approaching you. he wrapped his arms around you once more as he nuzzled his nose into your hair.

“oh, you’re wet!” peter unstuck his shirt from your damp one. you spun around, ears burning and eyes wide open. “oh my god! sorry, not like that! no, i mean,” he gestured wildly to your torso, “your shirt! you hugged me and now you’re w- damp.” he forced himself to make eye contact with you and not linger his gaze too long on your thin, semi-translucent top.

you spun around again to face your dresser, letting out a deep breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding before resuming to your digging. you held up a shirt proudly. “hey! i found another one of your shirts.” you held it up triumphantly. “i didn’t even know this one was here.”

peter examined it. “i haven’t seen this thing in ages. i can’t believe it was you that’s been stripping my closet barren. i thought they just kept getting lost in the wash.”

stripping. that doesn’t mean anything. this is peter. peter is not a stripper. you would not strip for peter. or strip peter. 

the two of you laughed awkwardly before you began to take your shirt off too. peter didn’t find it so funny now. “ah- are you going to ch-change here? should i- um- do you want me to leave? i’m so sorry ididntmeantolook i-”

you couldn’t see the bright red flush blooming on peter’s cheeks, as you were currently stuck in your shirt.

“shit. um, peter?” you wriggled around, trying to free yourself.

“y-yeah?”

“i’m stuck.”

“you’re… stuck?” peter turned around to see you half-shirtless, your hands held over your head as you tried to pull the damp shirt off your head unsuccessfully. he prayed that you wouldn’t ask him for help, because he thought if he had to look at you a minute longer, he’d do something incredibly stupid.

“yeah. the shirt was tight to begin with and then the water made it stick and i must’ve- anyways, uh, can you help me?”

peter gulped. “are you sure?”

“please,” you begged. “this is so embarrassing already, please just help me get out of this. it’s not like you haven’t seen me in a bathing suit before and it’s like the same thing, right?”

yeah, it is the same thing, peter thought. and that’s the problem. seeing you in a bathing suit and seeing you now make me the same amount of nervous.

peter’s fingers tentatively brushed your ribcage and you shivered.

“i think it’s because my elbow is stuck in one of the sleeves.” you muttered from inside the shirt. “jeez, you’d think for a designer company, the clothing would be a bit more practical. i’m never letting dad buy me clothes ever again.”

peter gave your top a bit of a tug and you giggled in surprise as his fingers dragged up your chest, tickling your bare skin. he couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips at the sight of you. you grinned once your head was free, and peter tossed the shirt behind him as he bore his eyes into yours, refusing to give in to his instinct to look down. the two of you stood like that for a while, your chest heaving as you caught your breath and peter’s heart pounding as he caught the movement from his peripheral. 

“the fuck?” scott lang stood by the door, frozen in shock as his grip on his chocolate croissant loosened. the pastry fell to the ground with a sad thwap. “wow. i didn’t think i’d been gone for that long. it’s like all the interesting things happen when i’m away.” scott grumbled, scraping the chocolate off the floor.

“alright, i’ll leave the two of you to it. and next time, lock the door, goddamnit!” scott shook his head as he shut the door—properly this time—and walked away mourning the loss of his snack.

“i’m sorry, i must not’ve closed the door properly-” peter stuttered as you panicked. “i’m so sorry, this is so embarrassing i can’t believe everybody’s just seen me topless-” you rambled, pacing the room until you shivered.

“shit! i’m still not wearing a shirt!” you grabbed peter’s shirt—the one you had just been looking at—and slid it over your head in record speed.

peter barked a fake laugh. “that’s so funny!” he said, dead serious. “everyone’s… seen you shirtless? ha, ha, ha!” what the fuck.

“no, no that’s not it!” you fretted, taking his hands in yours. “no! i meant you and scott. and tony, obviously. and like, bruce. and wanda and natasha because we go shopping all the time, you know? not steve, though. i think he’d pass away on the spot.”

“oh! that’s… nice!” peter choked. so me and scott and tony. that makes sense. and bruce, maybe he was doing some medical thing? well, at least steve wasn’t on that list.

“...i realize now how weird that must’ve sounded.” you gulped. “i swear, i’m not stripping for the entire team. it- it makes more sense in context. i swear.” you rubbed his arm comfortingly, praying that he wouldn’t think the way you treated him was the same way you treated everyone else. no, the way you treated peter was very much different. maybe it was stupid to expect someone to be able to read your mind through your behaviors (well, not in wanda’s case), but you were terrified to cross any sort of boundary with peter, much less tell him how you’d been feeling lately, so you’d stick to, well, whatever this was.

“we should probably work on our project,” you commented.

“that’s a good idea.”

you hummed in agreement. “mitosis, right?”

“yep. cell division. did you get my notes?”

“yes,” you were unnervingly still as you stood by peter’s side, refusing to meet his eye. all of a sudden, you felt him take a sharp breath and fall into a seated position on the ground, tapping a spot next to him. the two of you rummaged around for your textbooks and notes, getting to work on a project that the subject matter of which you had no clue.

the downside of peter’s freaky spider powers was his insane metabolism, and it probably didn’t help that he was a growing teenage boy. peter’s stomach was growling loudly after a few hours, and he’d insisted he was fine. after the third dull roar, you jumped up.

“alright, you masochist. you’re not starving to death on my watch. you stay here and do the work because that’s what you’ve been doing the whole time and i’ll go make us something to eat.” he smiled as you left, watching you leave, clad with his shirt.

“you guys done?” scott pulled up beside you, cracking his knuckles.

“holy shit!” you screeched, not expecting the presence of the man who had not only snuck up on you but had also just seen you half-naked.

“sorry, i didn’t mean to startle you. are you kids hungry? i always get tired. it’s a lot of physical exertion.” he winked, poking around the cabinets with carelessly loud clatters.

“we’re probably gonna need another few days to finish,” you spoke absentmindedly, standing in front of the fridge as you investigated for anything with potential. “it’s turning out to be harder than i thought.”

“jesus, kid, you two are freaky! i never knew peter had it in him to- or should i say-”

“please do not finish that.” natasha swung herself over the countertop and settled into a relaxed slouch, her quiet entrance startling both of you.

“why are all of you so damn quiet?” you rolled your eyes, cutting up slices of different fruits.

“i could ask the same of you, we haven’t heard a peep. i thought tony was installing the soundproofing next sunday?” bucky trudged through the door, his footsteps loud and for once you were grateful. he leaned his hands on the counter and shared a look with natasha that you couldn’t quite decipher.

“trust me, i’m bitching and moaning plenty. this is taking so long,” you drawled, extending the vowels of your last word as you arranged the fruit onto a tray with a flourish. “alright, i’m out.”

you could hear the three avengers whispering loudly behind you as you made your way back to peter. “i can hear you, you know. why are all of you here anyways?”

“uh… we’re having a tea party?”

--

“okay, i cut out all the diagram parts last night. i didn’t start assembling them because i was pretty sure i’d end up gluing my hands together or putting it together wrong, so i figured we could just do it together.” peter had been coming over almost every day so that the two of you could work on your biology project. it turned out that as much as you hated biology, it was a lot more enjoyable when you got to work with peter.

“ooo, i love this part. it’s like assembling IKEA furniture.” the two of you looked over to your bed, remembering when peter had been visiting tony and found you in the middle of a pile of wood pieces, looking absolutely lost. he’d spent hours helping you undo the mistakes and put it together properly, and that’s when you knew that your feelings for him had changed.

you laughed at his excitement. charged with happiness, you rested your head on his shoulder without thinking. the two of you went silent almost immediately after comprehending the situation, and you moved to pull away, face burning. before you could, though, peter had slung an arm around your shoulder and pulled you in closer. you turned your head and buried it into his neck, your smile uncontrollable as you relished his touch.

“we should probably get the glue,” peter noted.

“good call.” you mumbled into his shoulder, warm breath drawing shivers from him.

“thank you.”

you stared at the diagram pieces. “glue is very necessary component.”

“for sure.”

neither of you made any effort to get glue.

“anyways!” peter broke the silence by nudging his shoulder to probe your head out. “i’m gonna be honest, we could probably finish this today if we really tried. i mean, we’re literally a floor away from the most advanced technology lab in the entirety of new york, surrounded by the greatest scientists and innovative minds of the century, so-”

“please do not inflate my dad’s ego any further. against all rules of logic and science or whatever, that thing will never stop growing. it’ll grow until it swallows all of north america.”

“gotcha…” peter’s voice became softer, eyes growing a little hazy as he stared to the side of your face. his hand stretched out, fingers quivering ever so slightly, and for just a second, you thought that maybe he was going to take your chin in his hands and kiss you. but that’d be stupid, because you were just friends and kissing was decidedly non-platonic. instead, he brushed a strand of hair behind your ears.

“sorry, it was distracting me,” he confessed bashfully. “but i was gonna say is how i think it’s kind of funny that we’re making this 3-d cardstock diagram of the mitosis process when honestly? we could probably be testing mr. stark’s updated blasters or making lightsabers or something.”

you looked at peter for a second and then burst into a guffaw. “our project seems so trivial compared to all that, but is it weird that i actually think of this as my baby? we must’ve spent at least eight hours on this—yeah, i know we probably could’ve gotten away with finishing something simpler in half the time, but i really enjoy spending time with you—” you rushed, taking a breath after realizing what you had said, and then continuing just as quickly as you had been speaking before. “but this?” you picked up the meticulously cut components to your diagrams made of cardstock detailed with fine-lined sharpie drawings of spindly kinetochore-microtubule, cleverly crumpled cellophane chromosomes and little buttons for the chromatids. 

“it’s not stupid!” peter blurted, quick to reassure you. “i’m pretty proud of it too. now let’s go use some of banner’s precision glue and assemble this bad boy.”

by the time the two of you had finished putting together every 3-d replica of the six stages of mitosis, your backs were sore from how long you’d been hunched over. you rolled your head and heard your neck crack loudly.

“holy shit, how long have we been here?” you mumbled, blinking forcefully to escape your fuzzy state of concentration. “FRIDAY? what time is it?”

“it is 7:45pm. you have not yet eaten; would you like me to place an order for dinner?”

peter’s head perked up at the sound of dinner. “DELMARS?” he looked at you with puppy-dog eyes even though he knew you wouldn’t need any convincing.

you sighed sarcastically, throwing your body across your chair as if you had just fainted. “if you insist,” you groaned. you raised your voice a bit to signal FRIDAY. “can i get the fried avocado tacos? two- nah, three of them. and please specify that i do not want them smushed down real flat.”

“hey, i’ll have you know that flattened sandwiches are more efficient and less messy to eat. and-”

you lost focus on peter’s words as he listed off his usual order; instead, you found yourself admiring his side profile. even from the lab table diagonal from him, you could see the brightness of excitement in his eye that you always found endearing. you loved watching him so happy over something as simple as sandwiches, and you felt honored that you were the one who got to experience that happiness. you wondered what it’d be like if he looked at you with that sort of gleaming adoration one day.

“right! i’m basically done; i just need to figure out how to do the cytokinesis shape.” peter announced, taking a peek at your three perfectly done models. you always had a better instinct for solutions, and creating what was essentially a three-dimensional figure eight with convincingly spherical outsides was something peter was scared to approach altogether.

“i’ve got you, pete!” you kicked off from the legs of your table and slid towards peter on your wheeled chair. perhaps you had used too much force because the momentum of your path sent you tumbling straight into peter’s chair, where you jolted forwards. you swore you could see each second ticking by in slow motion as your heads came closer and closer to collision, and your hands frantically reached out in front of you for something to prevent the impending bump and potential concussion. one of your flailing hands landed on his shoulder, which you squeezed hard until your nails dug into his skin. the other found a home on his upper thighs, where you tried to find a stable grip. almost immediately, peter’s eyes went wide, and his cheeks flushed a dark shade of red. 

he gulped. “t-thank you! i actually have to go to the bathroom, so maybe could you finish this one for me?” his eyes darted around the room frantically, looking anywhere but at you. “and i’ll pick up the food while i’m at it! bye!” peter tugged his shirt down as he bolted through the automatic glass doors, leaving you alone and a bit hurt.

you fiddled with the model for a bit before you were able to arrange it in a shape you were satisfied with. setting everything aside and admiring the six perfectly made representations of mitosis, you let out a long, satisfied breath. finally, the worst of the biology projects for this year was over. it’d be smooth sailing from here on outwards. you’d be lying if you said you would miss peter’s presence in your room on chilly new york nights with cups of coffee beside you as you finished homework for non-bio classes. though the boy had been working with your father for a while, you never connected with him until partnered for this project, and you weren’t sure where that would leave you after the project was over. would he still come over for study sessions? would you go back to your individual friend groups? would he even be bothered to spend one-on-one time with you anymore?

peter returned with two paper bags in each hand and a triumphant smile on his face. you pumped your fist excitedly.

“yesss,” you hissed, jumping up and grabbing the bag with your name. “i feel like my stomach is eating me from the inside out. can we move up to the kitchen? don’t tell dad, but i’d kill for a coffee right now.”

“you’re drinking coffee? this late? that’s a bad idea, and you know i won’t hesitate to get mr. stark involved if y-”

“oh no, he doesn’t care about how late i drink coffee. he just thinks it’s a sin to pick coffee over redbull,” you shrugged, scooping up as much of your project as you could in one arm. “c’mon bugbaby!” you spared him a look before disappearing through the door and upstairs, absolutely ravenous.

peter stood there for a couple of seconds, feeling stupid, before he caught himself in the act. he forced his lips, which had been quirked up into a dopey smile, into a stoic line. he squished his face together to rid himself of his pinched eyebrows and dazed stare. and the sigh of adoration he had let out became a coughing fit. peter thumped his chest a couple of times to rid his throat of the imaginary block, but he couldn’t lie to himself. the thing making him choke up was his feelings for you, which had been shoved down for so long that they seem to have compressed themselves into a little ball that was now trying to escape through peter’s esophagus. well, shit!

by the time he had made it to the kitchen with the rest of the project in his arms, you were already perched on the countertop, swinging your legs contentedly and chewing your sandwich, which was decidedly not squished down real flat. your face lit up when you saw peter and you waved enthusiastically; in doing so, you knocked down a couple of the figures that you’d set down behind you tumbling to the ground.

“shit! peter! oh god,” you squeaked, putting down your sandwich on the wax paper and trying to scramble off the counter. peter dropped his bag on the ground and came to help you down, grabbing your waist and lifting you up before softly resting your feet on the floor. you giggled; his hands on your waist were tickling you. he smirked, realizing his opportunity to instigate a tickle war.

“don’t even th-” you warned him before your eyes widened as you remembered what you had come down for.

the two of you raced around the counter, terrified at what you might find. to your relief, the project was in perfect shape. the two of you were panting—peter was heaving with shock still painted on his face while you had your hand clutching the fabric of your shirt over your heart.

“i can’t breathe,” you confessed, laughing through your gasps as you tried to calm yourself down. you collapsed to the ground with a moan.

peter crouched down beside you, picking up one of the figures tentatively and examining it for potential cracks or weak spots. there was nothing; if the two of you hadn’t been there yourselves, you never would’ve been able to tell they’d dropped.

peter held the figure closer to your face, turning the model around so that you could see what he was referring to. “you’re so good,” he marveled, admiring the meticulous glue work that you’d done. he smiled with a sigh. “no one else could do it like you.”

you rolled your eyes. “come here.” you patted the floor next to where you were laying, but instead of joining you, peter grabbed the fallen figures and walked away. you whined.

“i’m coming, give me a second,” peter delicately arranged the fallen figures alongside the ones still on the counter. then he flopped down on the floor next to you, but instead of lying parallel to your body, he dropped his head on your stomach.

“peter!” you cried, smacking his forehead. “ugh, i hate you,” you groaned, trying to sit up so you could shove him off of you.

“no, you don’t,” he rebutted. peter wasn’t going to back down in a fight, so instead of allowing you to sit upright, he rolled the rest of his body on top of yours, effectively flattening you. you wanted to laugh, but your stomach was being pushed down by peter’s back.

“why… are you… so…” you heaved, “heavy?”

peter laughed evilly, rolling his body around so that his back was no longer on you; rather, so that you were stomach-to-stomach. he propped himself up on his elbows, letting his chest hover over yours. he smirked as he watched you grumble from underneath him. “i gotcha,” he whispered, face just a few inches from yours.

“why is this your go-to when fucking with me,” you poked his cheek with exasperation, making no effort to do so gently. “there are literally an infinite amount of things you could do to me and it’s always the one that ends up with me sore and unable to breathe.” you kicked your legs around threateningly before peter could open his mouth.

“i have knees and i’m not afraid to use them,” you taunted, deadly serious. you pushed your knee up, dangerously close to his upper thigh.

“nope! i’m done, i’m off! i concede!” he yelled, scrambling to escape. in his frantic movements, he ended up full-force dropping on you with no arms to soften the impact, and you both groaned. you turned your head, to avoid a forehead collision. also to avoid your lips from touching. that may have happened if you hadn’t turned your head, and having lips on lips is not very platonic.

“i swear to god, if you gave me a concussion, i’m gonna-”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?” tony raged, storming into the kitchen with his hands thrown up in the air. “WHERE ARE THE DAMN CHILDREN?”

scott stuck his head out from behind a corner to investigate the drama. (he loved drama.) “oh, your daughter? yeah, last time i saw her was in her room with peter; i think they were changing or something.” 

“excuse me?” tony looked furious.

bruce arrived. “no, i actually let them use my lab. didn’t wanna disturb them. they’ve been working really hard on their bio project on reproduction so i just let them have the place to themselves.”

tony’s mouth dropped. “banner, are you shitting me? we all know what happens when two teenagers are alone in a room together! and we all know reproduction project does not mean… what it’s supposed to mean! you just let them? and in the lab too? did they even have safety goggles?”

bucky and sam, who never passed up the opportunity to hear fresh gossip and had crept in a while ago, gave each other knowing grins.

“don’t worry, tony,” sam held back a laugh.

“they’re definitely… safe…” bucky wheezed, the two of them struggling to stay upright as they watched tony’s rage slip into confusion.

natasha strolled in casually. “you got them protection?” she snorted. “cute.”

you and peter were frozen in your places. so frozen, in fact, that peter’s cheeks resembled the flaming red of anna’s hair and your knuckles had gone as pale as elsa’s snow. neither of you wanted to go out and face the crowd, so the two of you stayed extremely quiet as you prayed nobody would look over the counter.

“they’re right there,” clint yelled from his perch, pointing you two out.

tony stalked over, fuming. when he saw the situation, he was no longer fuming, but on fire. “PETER PARKER, GET YOUR STICKY, PUBESCENT HANDS OFF OF MY DAUGHTER.” 

“i’m so sorry, m-mr. stark! i- we’re not-”

“it’s not what it looks like!” you exclaimed, pushing peter’s chest in an unsuccessful attempt to get him off of you. curse his perfectly chiseled 6-pack abs and his weird super-spider strength. just fucking move!

as tony panicked, you hissed at peter. “move!” he realized he had remained in place and clambered off you instantly, the two of you crawling over to separate corners to put as much space between your bodies as possible.

the crowd of avengers struggled to hold back their laughter. well, sam and bucky weren’t trying to at all. but the rest of them (unsuccessfully) attempted to stifle their roars.

“does anyone want to explain why i found two children committing unholy acts in the middle of my million-dollar kitchen?” tony seethed.

natasha raised her eyebrows. “you could’ve at least tried to keep it down, you know.”

“but we weren’t even-”

sam rolled his eyes. “no point in excuses not; you weren’t even trying to be discreet.” he pitched his voice up to imitate the two of you badly. “‘peter! oh god!’ ‘i’m coming!’ ‘you’re so good, no one else could do it like you!’”

“c’mon, and in a common area too? it’s my bad i barged into you guys before, but this one’s your fault, dudes.” scott scolded.

tony’s face was almost entirely red. bruce’s face was also red, for a different reason. tony pulled peter up by the collar. the two of them were shaking, also for very different reasons.

“so, not only are you sneaking around with my daughter behind my back,” tony poked peter in the chest. “but you’re doing… you’re doing the nasty with her too? and you have the nerve to defile my kitchen?” he shoved peter off of him, who stumbled backward.

tony kept creeping closer. “i should take away your suit. clearly, you aren’t trustworthy or responsible enough for this. you know, i had a lot of faith in you kid,” tony looked murderous. “and you screwed up big time.” he took a deep breath to compose himself, and his next words were low and threatening. “i don’t want to see you near my daughter ever again.”

you jumped to your feet, furious. “are you insane? peter and i are just friends!”

“oh yeah? explain why you were on top of each other, a- and all the things that sam said!”

your voices had raised considerably since the start of the confrontation. the onlooking avengers no longer found this very funny, and trickled out slowly.

“we’re friends! we’ve always been friends! you guys are just jumping to conclusions because peter just so happens to be a boy and i just so happen to be a girl!” peter had backed away a bit, which gave you the chance to get into your dad’s space.

“i don’t care what you are, there is no way i’m letting my daughter be with some sticky, hormonal, lit-”

“stop!” you shook your head, unbelieved. “stop it! you don’t get to talk about peter that way. peter and i are just friends, we have always been just friends, and we are always going to be just friends. so either you apologize to him, or you can go f-” you hesitated. “you can go fuck off.”

it might’ve been inappropriate timing, but peter’s heart broke.

tony silenced, his eyes narrowing at your outburst. he opened his mouth to snap back, but you grabbed peter’s hand and dragged him off, not bothering to look back. tony angrily stared at your intertwined fingers.

you and peter had retreated to your bedroom, where you slammed the door and threw yourself onto your bed, tears already beginning to well up. peter sat by the foot of your bed, not daring to come any closer.

“i’m sorry,” peter croaked. he instinctively reached out to rub your leg consolingly, but pulled back just as quickly.

“don’t apologize. you didn’t do anything wrong,” you sniffed. “dad’s just being an asshole. a huge asshole. god, he can be so-” you shoved your face into a pillow and screamed. you sat up to face peter. “i’m the one who should be sorry. he- he had no right to treat you like that. absolutely none. and none of the things he said about you were true.”

you tentatively extended both your hands, palms up, and he took them in his. “i think the two of us just have a tendency to get caught up in arguments. we always say things we don’t mean. and i promise, the whole suit thing was a lie. he really loves you, pete. i hope you know that.”

a quiet tear rolled down peter’s cheek. you brushed it off gently. “i just- i don’t know what i would do if i couldn’t see you anymore,” he choked. “and this is all so stupid, you know? it was embarassing, but kind of funny at first, but now i’m realizing-” peter looked down, shaking his head and laughing quietly to himself.

“what is it, peter?”

he looked up at you from beneath wet eyelashes. “i’m realizing that, i guess, i kind of wish what everyone was saying was true.”

you furrowed your eyebrows. “you wish dad would take your suit away?”

“no, i mean-”

your eyes widened. “you wanted us to fuck in bruce’s lab? peter, there are some of the world’s deadliest chemicals in there and i have a perfectly functioning bedroo- oh shit.”

the two of you looked at each other wordlessly.

 i basically just told peter that i wanted to fuck him in my bedroom.

she literally just told me she wants to fuck me in her bedroom.

“yeah, i mean- no! i mean, yes, your bedroom is definitely safer and more practical but that’s- what i’m trying to say is-” peter stuttered. “yes, i would love to have sex with you! but that’s- holy fuck. oh shit.” peter let go of your hands immediately and practically threw himself off the bed onto the wall. “no! not that i want to have- no, not that i don’t want to, but i was trying to say was that i wish, you know, that we weren’t just friends. like they were saying, you know. or, i guess insinuating. well, they were insinuating that we were having unprotected sex in the lab, but that implies that we weren’t just friends, but that could mean we were just friends with benefits, and i’m not trying to say that i want to be friends with benefits with you-” peter gasped for air.

you interrupted him. “i think i know what you mean.” you swallowed thickly. “remember when i said we were just friends and only ever going to be just friends? and uh, do you remember what i said earlier about saying stuff in the heat of the moment?” peter nodded furiously. “that was just the heat of the moment.”

peter stopped nodding. he looked at you, absolutely lost. you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“i think what we’re both trying to say—or at least, i really hope this is what you’re trying to say too—is that um, neither of us wants to be friends.”

you winced.

“wait, no, that came out wrong. we don’t want to be platonic. or, i don’t, at least. i like you romantically, peter. is this a bad time to say that? considering you just got threatened by my dad for supposedly hooking up with me.”

“no! no, it’s not a bad time. and i like you too, actually. i’ve liked you for a while. i-” peter laughed breathlessly. “i actually kind of thought you were with steve.” he scratched the back of his neck, blushing.

“steve? dude, he’s like 106!”

“i know, i know! i don’t know what i was thinking,” peter huffed.

“c’mere,” you opened your arms for him and he climbed beside you, accepting your embrace. you could feel his warm breath on your face.

“your breath smells like pickles,” you murmured, nestling your head into his chest.

“sorry.”

--

tony was about to bore holes into the expensive tiled flooring with all of his pacing. bruce was the only one brave enough to come back into the kitchen.

“what do you want?” tony grumbled, refusing to look at the scientist.

“tony, take a look at these models.” 

“i don’t want to take a look at whatever it is my daughter and that sinful spider boy produced,” he whined.

“no, look. the figures—they’re not just reproduction. they’re asexual reproduction. a very well-done representation of the mitosis process, actually.” bruce held up some of the models in awe. “these are really well done! letting them use the lab was worth it,” he muttered to himself.

tony raised his head, glaring. “what are you talking ab- oh.”

on the countertop were six intricate replicas of cell division. “this is what you meant by ‘reproductive project?’” tony whispered, horrified.

“i mean, i wasn’t exactly sure, but i figured-”

“oh my god,” tony paled. “i can’t believe i thought- all this time it was mitosis- god, and these models are beautiful too…” his jaw clenched, thinking back to the things he had said as he yelled at you and peter.

bruce sighed, giving tony a pointed look. the billionaire couldn’t meet his eyes.

“don’t look at me like that,” tony whined. “in my defense, all the evidence was stacked against them! what was i supposed to do?”

“hear them out?” bruce raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by tony’s immature self-soothing methods.

tony hid his face in his hands. “she must be so upset with me now. and the spider boy… jeez, i’m a fucking douche, aren’t i?”

bruce patted tony on the back consolingly. “well, you heard the girl. you can either apologize or fuck off, and i think you’ve tried and failed at fucking off. so you might as well go with the first option.” the scientist walked away, leaving tony alone to soak in his own guilt.

bruce is right. i can’t ever own up to my mistakes, can i? first i make my daughter patch things up with steve for a comment that i made, and then i go and accuse her of something she didn’t do without even giving her the chance to speak? god, if i had just shut up for a minute, she could’ve explained everything and none of this would have happened.

tony rubbed his temples, exhaling heavily as he found himself standing in front of your door. he knocked softly, but heard no verbal response. maybe you had left the tower? before he could ask FRIDAY for your location, he heard the shuffling of sheets. oh no, did i make her cry?

tony cracked open the door and peered in. “favorite spawn? are you there?”

when he opened the door fully, he watched as you and peter peeled yourselves away from each other again, breathless and flushed. his eyes flickered between the two of you before he noticed your puffy lips and your avoided eye contact.

“peter parker, have you been kis-” tony raised his hands and pinched his fingers together, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to calm himself down. he tried talking again, but slowly and more thoughtfully. “using context clues, i have come to the hypothesis that the two of you had previously been k- kissing.” he fought the urge to gag.

“i also observe that the two of you are on my daughter’s bed. alone, with the door closed. and that is… okay. because… the right to privacy is protected by the 14th amendment. unfortunately.” he said the last word under his breath. you and peter looked at each other, perplexed.

“in the kitchen, i discovered six models of… the mitosis sequence. footnote: they are very well constructed. uh, i realize now that perhaps i had… overreacted. and unjustly threatened peter. and also jumped to conclusions. and i also had not trusted you. all of which are… mistakes… that i made. and for that, i am… i am… s-sorry.”

you raised your eyebrows. “did you just… apologize?”

tony nodded his head hesitantly. you jumped out of bed, making your way over to him. tony gulped. this is it. this is the end. 

you slapped tony across the face.

“oh my god!” you screamed. “i’m so sorry! holy- i’m so sorry, dad! i didn’t mean that at all, i thought you were a hologram! i was trying to see if my hand would go through, you know?”

tony chuckled. “i- i probably deserved that.” he rubbed his cheek which was now growing pink.

peter hopped off the bed to stand hesitantly behind you, not fully confident that tony wasn’t going to castrate him.

“so, you and my daughter, huh?” tony crossed his arms, leaning his weight onto one foot.

“y-yes, mr. stark.”

tony sucked his teeth and sighed. despite his nerves, peter straightened his back and came to stand firmly beside you. you looped your pinky around his.

“well, as you are aware, i do have multiple suits with blasters capable of melting iron, ironically.” peter steeled himself. “and you are currently standing in my billion-dollar tower surrounded by earth’s mightiest heroes who will not hesitate to decimate you should anything happen to my daughter.” peter gulped.

“but i am also aware that you are…” tony pursed his lips in resignation. “you have proven yourself more than capable on multiple accounts, and i was wrong to question you.” tony wrung his hands. “and you have saved my daughter and your classmates and even that asshole teacher about four times now. and i see the way you look at her; how you’ve always looked at her—which by the way, is a really embarrassing, dopey look on you, boy—and my head was too far up my ass to realize that you two are big boys and girls now.”

tony sniffed emotionally, blinking back proud dad tears. “and obviously my daughter doesn’t need any protecting, because she’s a stark and she could whoop your ass in her sleep, but i know how much you care for her and i know you’ll look out for each other. so… i give you my blessing.”

you looked confused. “dad, you know we’re not getting married, right?”

tony took a step back and waved his hands around. “dear god, no! i don’t want to hear about marriage until at least 30 years later! you guys are too young to be mouth mashing anyways and i’m already being very lenient with letting you have the door closed!”

“uh, thank you, mr. stark. it really means a lot.” peter bit his lip to hold back what you knew was going to be a brilliant grin.

“don’t get used to it, kid.” tony rubbed his hands together. “well, in a few years or so i’ll have bruce teach you two about the birds and the bees. for now, um, wash your hands for at least 20 seconds, kids.” tony shot you two thumbs up. “alright, peace out.”

when tony’s footsteps receeded, you turned to peter and threw your arms around his neck. “you have a look for me, huh?” you spoke into peter’s shoulder.

“i guess i do. i guess i always have. you’re hard not to look at, do you know that?”

peter could feel the vibrations and your warm breath as you laughed into his shirt.

“no, i don’t think you know,” he insisted. he threaded his fingers through your hair and closed his eyes, comfortable. “everybody sees you- you’re stunning, and not just in the physical way. you have this weird talent—it’s like you’re a light—and everything is just so much better with you. y’know, i hated coffee until you made it for me. and i dreaded spanish until i found out you were in my class, so i think… i think i’ve lo- liked you, felt this way for you, for longer than i’ve known.”

he could feel your lips curve into a smile. “you’re such a goddamn sap, pete,” you muttered, nuzzling his chest. “you know i hate sappy stuff. but i could make an exception for you.”

“oh really?” he placed one purposeful kiss on the crown of your head. “i think…” he began leaving kisses more sporadically until he reached your temple, then your cheek, then the tip of your nose. “i think that i’ll just have to be extra sappy. you know, to see how much you like me.” he pulled you away from his chest and held you at an arms length with a smile that could rival the sun.

“and in that case…” peter got down on one knee. you gasped theatrically.

peter pressed his palms together and opened them like a ring box. “will you be my girlfriend?”

you wiped away fake tears and you squealed, “yes!”

a distant voice that sounded suspiciously like tony’s interrupted the romantic proposal. “i said 30 years until marriage!”

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

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we are not alone | steve harrington

Summary: Your whole life, you felt like you crash-landed on Earth from another planet. It's just another summer where you know that should be somewhere else. Then you meet Steve Harrington.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Word count: 15.8k

Warnings/tags: reader struggles to identify platonic vs romantic feelings. she feels very different/isolated from people. steve's a cutie patootie as usual. reader loves aliens (who doesn't?!) everyone lives. summer fic. post s4 volume 2. not explicitly romantic but a happy ending nonetheless.

A/N: omg it's been so long since i wrote for my bf steve<3 I started this fic last year LOL she is a labor of love. hope u enjoy (and if u do, please reblog and comment. u make writers' days when u tell us what u think!)

divider by firefly-graphics

The woods by Hunter’s Creek are still tonight, save for the chirp of crickets and the occasional car ambling down the road. Now seems as good a time as any to record what data you have. You have very little for the amount of time you’ve been out here. Of course, it’s a waxing gibbous moon tonight, and you’ve taken that into consideration—extraterrestrial activity is harder to detect during this phase. 

But still. You thought tonight would be more fruitful than this, especially since it’s Memorial Day weekend. Almost everyone is either vacationing at Torch Lake or getting drunk at a barbeque. Perhaps that’s what scared off all the aliens.

You put your night vision goggles on your head and press record on your tape recorder.

“8:54pm. May 30th, 1989. Location: Hunter’s Creek, approximately fifty yards from Skull Rock. No alien activity detected. Purple finches, AKA, Haemorhous purpureus, have been silent for many hours. Reason for this is unknown, but could be a sign of a possible disruption in the atmospheric pressure. Moon is in its waxing gibbous phase. Sky is clear but there is a distinct scent of—”

Across from the thicket you’re hunkered down in, there’s a rustling. You click the off button and pull on your night vision goggles. You grab your backpack and camera, then creep through the woods towards the sound. It’s probably some kind of wildlife, but every bit of information counts. Animals are imperative to understanding extraterrestrial patterns and landings. 

There’s more rustling as you approach Skull Rock. You go around slowly, so as not to startle anything. Someone moans. A red windbreaker lands a few feet away. What…?

You get to the front of Skull Rock. Through your goggles, you see two heat signatures that are definitely not wildlife. One of them screams. 

“What the fuck?!” she yelps, and you watch the left blob of color separate from the right blob. 

“Holy shit,” the right blob says. A boy. 

“Did either of you notice any birds or insects exhibiting unusual behavior?” you ask.

“Unusual behavior?” the boy blob repeats. 

You lift your goggles, annoyed. “I said, did—”

“Were you fucking spying on us?” the girl yells. 

You sigh and walk past them. “Never mind. You’ve probably frightened all the creatures away.”

“What kinds of creatures?” the boy asks.

“Steve, are you fucking serious?” she snaps. 

“She didn’t interrupt us on purpose,” ‘Steve’ says. 

“How do you know?”

“I mean… she’s wearing those army goggles.”

“To creep on us!” his less-than-lovely companion screeches. 

“Thermal night vision goggles,” you say without turning around. “But yes, the military is known to use this technology. And I wasn't spying on you. I didn't know anyone would be out here.” 

You kneel at the mouth of Skull Rock, studying the dirt. It rained recently. That could also be why tonight has been so inactive.

“You’re a freak,” the girl says behind you. “Something’s seriously wrong with you, walking around with–with army goggles in the woods. I don't believe you weren't spying.” 

Freak makes you swallow hard, makes your heart beat faster. You haven’t been reminded of your freakish status in a while. You almost forgot you were one. Almost. 

“Casey, relax. She wasn’t spying on us. She’s obviously doing science… stuff,” Steve says behind you. 

Your heart slows. Slightly. 

“You’re taking her side?”

You open a test tube and scoop dirt into the tube, then cap it. Steve and Casey continue to argue—well, Steve tries to reason with her. Casey just screams at him. You tune them out; you’re not keen on hearing the other mean names she’s likely calling you. And anyway, you have work to do. 

Then the shouting stops. You stand and turn. Casey is stomping away and she disappears among the trees, heading toward the main road. You turn on your flashlight.

Steve is Steve Harrington, whom you last saw six months ago at a Wegman’s in the frozen food aisle. He had three frozen pepperoni pizzas in his cart, a bottle of Schweppes, and two bags of Cool Ranch Doritos. You wonder how he stays so athletic. You'd hidden behind the fish sticks then and you wish you could hide now. He stands six feet away from you in a short-sleeve navy polo and light wash jeans. His hands are in his pockets, and they come out to shield his eyes when you shine the light on his face. 

“Hey, quit,” he says. 

You set the flashlight on the ground so it’s not shining on his or your face. It casts funny shadows and makes the legs of Steve’s jeans glow. 

“You upset her,” you say. 

He sighs, puts his hands on his hips. “Yeah. No kidding.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your intercourse, for the record.”

Steve grimaces. “We weren’t doing it, we were just making out. And it’s—ah, it’s fine. I’m sorry she called you a freak. That wasn’t cool at all. I didn’t know she was like that.”

“Like what?”

“Y’know, mean. It’s clear you weren’t spying on us. You have, like, military equipment for God's sake.” 

This is the strangest encounter you’ve ever had. And you found a nest of alien eggs last year. 

“You didn’t have to defend me,” you say. “It seemed like she really enjoyed your tongue in her mouth.”

It’s quiet for several seconds. Then Steve snorts in laughter.

You frown. “What?”

“I don’t–I don’t even know,” he says, still laughing. “Just… just the way you say things is funny.”

Your expression flattens. You grab your flashlight and turn on your heel, stomping back to where your stuff is.

“Wait! Shit. Wait, sorry! Hold on! I’m sorry.”

Steve jogs ahead of you, blocking your path. You shine the flashlight in his face again. He grunts and puts his hands up to block the light. 

“Jesus. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I like the way you talk, is what I was trying to say. I wasn’t making fun of you, okay? Can you please not blind me?”

You shine the flashlight onto his chest. Steve looks at you. There's a smudge of red lip gloss on his chin.

“You have lip gloss on your chin,” you say, stepping around him.

“I–oh. Thanks.”

He follows you down the path, twigs crunching under his shoes. You turn around, glaring. 

“Don’t follow me,” you say, voice stronger than you feel. “If you want to make fun of me in private, then go. In fact, go chase Casey, apologize to her, and then talk about what a freak I am. But don’t follow me, or I’ll use my flamethrower on you.”

His eyebrows go to his hairline. “Where did you get a flamethrower?”

“I made it.”

“Are you allowed to make flamethrowers?”

“There’s no explicit law against it. I checked.” You’ve decided that the mayor doesn't know won't hurt him. Besides, he’ll be the first to go when aliens take over Hawkins.

Steve takes a careful step forward, eyeing your flashlight. Your eyes narrow.

“I’m not gonna make fun of you,” he says slowly. “And I don’t care about Casey, not anymore. I didn’t realize she was so mean. I don't like her anymore. I'm serious.”

“So why are you following me?”

“I wanted to make sure you got back okay to… wherever you’re going.”

“I’m fine,” you say. “I’ve been out here plenty of times before.”

“Oh. Studying animals?”

You shrug. “Sometimes.”

“That’s cool. My friend Dustin also likes science stuff. I don’t know what the kid’s talking about ninety percent of the time, but he’s really smart. You seem really smart too.”

You look away, shifting your weight between your feet. You don’t know what to say. Why is he saying that to you? 

“So what kinds of animals do you study?” Steve asks.

“All kinds. I’m not really focused on the animals, though. They’re only one component of my research.”

“Huh. So what’re you out here for?”

Past experiences have taught you that generally, the people of Hawkins aren’t very open-minded about life beyond Earth. Or anything, really. Historically, Steve Harrington has shown himself to be one of those people. You've never been personally victimized by him or his stupid friends, but you've known people who were. You know what he's about. 

And making out with a pretty girl at Skull Rock is exactly what you would expect from him, so logically, your observations are sound. But he didn’t follow Casey when she stormed off. He defended you. And he has kind eyes.

The last observation isn’t rooted in any logic. You don’t know where it comes from.

“I’m studying…” You take a breath and lift your chin. “I am studying extraterrestrial life. I came out tonight hoping to find more of the foreign isotopes I collected last month.”

“Whoa,” says Steve. “That’s so cool. Like UFOs? Aliens? You really think there are aliens here?”

You blink. “...Well, um, potentially. Probably not landing in Hawkins, but a lot of ufologists theorize that alien debris can penetrate our atmosphere. I think aliens have definitely flown over this area.”

Steve shakes his head in awe. “That’s amazing. Have you ever seen an alien?”

“No, but I’ve found an alien egg nest.”

“No kidding? Do you have pictures?” 

“At my house,” you say, fiddling with your flashlight. 

“That’s really cool.”

His watch beeps. You both jump.

“Uh… oh, shit. Sorry, I gotta go. I have to pick up my friend from work. She’s got the closing shift. But I can give you a ride home, if you want.”

“What about Casey?” you ask.

Steve shrugs. “She ditched me and walked up the road to David Quentin’s house. He’s having a Memorial Day party.”

You should definitely put that in your notes. No wonder there’s no activity tonight. Aliens are frightened of inebriated young adults. 

“I don’t want a ride,” you say primly. You certainly don’t want anything from the likes of Steve Harrington. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I live nearby.”

It’s a mild night, and it’s not even dark yet. Steve seems to realize this too. 

“Okay, if you’re really sure.” He smiles. “It was nice to meet you.”

You nod. You don’t know yet if it was nice to meet Steve or not. You’ll have to think about it. 

Steve disappears among the trees. When he’s completely out of sight, you return to the rock to check once more for wildlife activity. There’s none, but there is the same red windbreaker from earlier. It has the initials S.H. embroidered in white on the sleeve. 

You pick it up and give it a cautious sniff. It smells like jasmine and boys, but in a good way. Steve smells very nice, and you’ve smelled a lot of people in your day. 

You remember Steve’s old cologne as he'd passed you in the hallway at school. He’d smelled different, overpowering. You neatly fold the windbreaker and tuck it into your backpack. 

The Harrington residence has a planter of tulips on the front windowsill. You’ve never seen Mrs. or Mr. Harrington in person. There was a photo of them in the newspaper years ago. Mrs. Harrington wore a lot of pearls and had a thin, severe mouth with inoffensive pink lipstick. Mr. Harrington had a gold watch and looked like he was trying to sell something. You remember wondering where Steve had been when they’d taken the photo.

The tulips are a healthy, blushing pink. Someone takes care of them. 

Steve’s windbreaker sits like an anchor in your backpack. It was easy to find his address in the phonebook. You'd washed the jacket yesterday after taking some hairs to test for alien DNA. Can’t be too careful. 

It would make sense if Steve had been replaced by an alien. An alien with kind eyes. An alien who offers girls like you a ride home.

The lawn is mowed. A white picket fence surrounds the house. You pick up the latch and walk up the neat pathway. You take out the plastic Kroger bag with Steve’s windbreaker and place it on the top stair, on the welcome mat. The windows are dark, but Steve’s car is in the driveway. He and his family must be asleep.

You wonder if they’re the kind of family to have pancakes with expensive Canadian maple syrup on Saturday mornings. They could probably have sirloin steak for every meal if they wanted. 

Mr. and Mrs. Harrington would probably like Casey. You wonder what they'd think about Steve defending freaks in the woods. 

There’s a bin of junk on the curb in front of Steve’s house. It's the only unsightly thing on the block. Loch Nora has the best junk. You’ve been to just about every garage and yard sale in Hawkins. But the one thing you’ve learned is that rich people buy a lot of crap and a lot of it goes to waste. Summertime is the best time to root through their junk, because usually, people spring clean and then go on vacation. That means there’s less of a chance you’ll get yelled at for rooting through bags of stuff that didn't make the spring cleaning cut. 

You check the windows with the tulips. Still dark. 

The first thing in the bin is a Walkman. You press the on button. It beeps once, then goes silent. You put it in your backpack. There’s a broken hairdryer and a toy racecar. You take those too. The rest of the stuff is true junk. You look anyway. 

There’s a paperweight in the shape of a Mallard duck. Stacks of business magazines. A makeup bag filled with Estee Lauder and Clinique compacts and tubes. You open a lipstick and twist it to the top. It’s a bland pink, nowhere near as vibrant as the tulips. It’s unused, like it was bought and forgotten. 

There’s a mug with a child’s handprints in green and purple paint. Father’s Day 1976 is written on the bottom in an adult's handwriting. You quickly return it to the stack, heart pounding like you’ve touched a cursed artifact. 

You dig through the rest of the stuff. It’s all mostly in good condition. Rich people are wasteful. Perhaps you weren’t as wrong about Steve as you thought. 

“Uh… hi?”

You shoot up and back away into the street. Steve’s in a worn lifeguard shirt and black basketball shorts. He’s at the doorway, door half-opened.

“It’s all junk,” you say before he can speak. Steve has long legs. Long, hairy, and tanned. You quickly look at his face. “You left it on the curb. I wasn’t stealing.”

Steve opens his mouth, then closes it. He doesn’t look angry, just confused. But you don't always guess people's feelings correctly. Maybe this is where he joins Casey and shouts at you and proves you right.

“Oh. The stuff in the bin? You were looking through it?”

“Loch Nora has the best junk,” you say.

Steve smiles, still looking confused. His hair is sleep-ruffled. “Ha. Yeah, I guess we’re known for our junk, huh?” 

“You left your jacket at Skull Rock.” You point at the bag at his feet. 

He looks down and takes the bag. “Oh, man! I was looking for this.”

You make fists and squeeze repeatedly. 

“I washed it,” you say. “With a cotton breeze scent. That one smells the least like chemicals.”

Steve looks up. His smile grows. “Thank you. That's really nice of you.” 

You want to rock on your feet but people treat you like you’re stupid when you do that. You want to rock so badly, though. Rock the nerves away.

“D’you want something to drink?” Steve asks. 

Your shoulders go tense, rising up. “Why?”

He blinks like he hadn’t been expecting that question. “Uh, because we… drink things?”

“Why would you want to serve me a drink?” 

“Well…” Steve scratches his head. “I thought you might be thirsty?”

Oh. That seems reasonable. 

“What are the options?” you ask.

“I have orange juice, chocolate milk…”

You hate those options. But you can never tell someone that you don’t like what they’re offering. They get very mad. 

“No,” you say. “I’m… allergic to those.”

Steve stops. “Oh. I also have apple juice. Robin—my friend—she’s been on an apple juice kick.”

You don’t know how one kicks apple juice. You elect to not ask.

“I will have apple juice,” you say. 

Steve nods. “Okay. Wanna come in?”

You’re back to hunching your shoulders. “Absolutely not. I don’t want to enter your house.”

Steve’s smile slides off his face. “What? Why?”

“Because you’re a stranger and if I went inside, no one would hear me scream. I will have apple juice outside your gate or nothing at all.”

His eyes widen. “That’s—I wouldn’t do anything to you.”

“We aren't friends,” you say crisply. “I don’t know you well enough to trust you. That’s my rule, and if you don’t like it, then I’ll leave, Steve Harrington.”

“No, it’s–it’s okay.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry. Um, you have a point, I guess. I’ll get your juice and come back.”

Steve goes inside. You stay outside of his gate and put your backpack on the ground. He returns a minute later with two juice bottles. He goes to the gate and hands you one. 

You open it, listening for the click of plastic. You drink. It’s a nice juice brand. One that doesn’t taste like cardboard. It's cold too. The perfect juice state. 

“It’s very good,” you say. “Thank you.”

Steve smacks his lips, looking at the juice. “Right? I haven’t had apple juice in ages. Robin’s girlf—” He looks at you and coughs. “Her f-friend really likes apple juice, so I’ve started keeping it around. But I haven’t had it since, like, kindergarten. Remember they used to give us apple juice and cookies or whatever for snack time? I think it’s an underappreciated combo, apple juice and cookies.”

“I like grape juice with cookies,” you say.

“Yeah? Huh. Haven’t tried that before.”

The two of you stand like that for a bit, Steve on one side of the fence, you on the other, in the budding morning heat. It smells like freshly mowed grass. 

Once or twice you let your gaze roam too far and you notice Steve’s legs all over again. His calves are so muscular, and you see the muscles jump when he shifts his weight. It doesn’t repulse you, just fascinates you. You’d like to hold his calf, feel the tendon and muscle and bone underneath twitch and flex. You’ve never held a boy’s leg before or seen one up close. You imagine Steve can run impressively fast and for a long time. You'd like to time him, measure his endurance. 

You finish your juice. Steve takes your bottle and puts it in the recycling can outside the gate. 

“I can give you your junk back,” you say when he returns. You want to beat him to it, before he has to ask and embarrass you. 

Steve shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. Are you worried about that? Take whatever you want.”

“I didn’t take any makeup,” you say. “Or magazines. I only took the stuff people won’t want.”

He shrugs. “Take all of it. My parents left a bunch of crap after they moved away.”

They what?

“Moved? Where did they move to?”

“Uh.” Steve rubs the back of his neck. It causes his t-shirt to ride up and show the smallest belly pudge and a trail of dark hair around his belly button. You had no idea boys could have soft bellies. Your chest feels funny. Perhaps you have an arrhythmia. 

“I don’t really know, to be honest. Somewhere in New Hampshire. Concord, maybe? My dad’s family lives there.”

“Why aren’t you there?”

Steve glances at the junk. Shit. You’ve asked too many questions. You always ask too many questions.

“Never mind,” you say quickly. “I don’t need to know.”

Steve looks at you. “I—”

“I have to go,” you say, far too loud for a Saturday morning. You swing your backpack over your shoulders. “I have to go feed my bird. Goodbye, Steve Harrington.”

You bolt down the street, backpack banging against your spine. You don’t stop until you’re three blocks away and gasping for breath at the bus stop. Your feet ache in your sneakers. 

When you get home, the first thing you do is run to your room and check your test tube with pickle juice, rainwater, and three long brown hairs. The hairs are still intact. You frown. Negative. The only alien here is you.

Unbidden, Steve’s long legs flash through your mind. You dump the mixture down the toilet and flush. 

Concord is six hundred miles from Hawkins. For his sake, you’d hoped Steve was from another planet. A planet where mothers plant pink tulips and fathers keep their gift mugs.

You haven’t gone to Skull Rock in two weeks. You’re not sure what or who you’ll find, and for once, curiosity isn't enough to move you. In the meantime, you’ve charted more of the Hawkins woods, marking weather patterns, stars, and wildlife. You’ve also begun to tinker. 

Steve’s Walkman is easy to fix. You spend less than a day on it. As soon as you fix it, it starts to play tinny music, cassette whirring. Someone forgot to take out the tape.

“I’ve been waiting for so long, now I’ve finally found someone to stand by me.”

You hold it up to your ear, hunched over your desk, listening to the man sing. You understand the words, the music. You know songs. But you don’t know this one. And you don’t know where the tape came from.

“Saw the writing on the wall as we felt this magical melody.”

A woman and a man. It’s a duet. Is this… Steve’s tape?

You listen to them sing, the man and woman. They sing about passion and feelings and want. 

Have you ever wanted anything the way these two want? You don’t know. 

Does Steve want? You don’t know that either. What could he want? Doesn’t he have everything?

You look at the junk, at the Walkman. Steve’s probably already bought a new Walkman, so it doesn’t really matter that you’ve fixed this one. You don’t own many cassettes anyway; it’s not like you’ll use it frequently. 

“This could be love, because…”

Could be? Well, is it love or not? Don’t they know?

You curl your arms around the Walkman and bury your head in your arms, so that the music echoes and is channeled into your ears. You stare at the dark, feel your hot breath on your skin. Moisture gathers on the desk top and on your cheeks.

How does Steve listen to music?

Instinctively, you picture music washing over him only in someone’s living room, at a house party, a place you’d never be invited to, when he’s three drinks in and maybe has his legs out for a pretty girl to touch. 

“No, I never felt this way before… yes, I swear, it’s the truth…”

But then a new image comes into view: Steve’s eyes, sober, kind, looking up at the ceiling. Maybe he’s lying on his bed. His bed has stripes, or maybe plaid bedding. Not little green aliens like yours does. No, Steve acts his age. He does age-appropriate things like kiss beautiful, mean girls at Skull Rock. He drives his BMW and gets and gives anything he wants. He's absolutely awful and he served you apple juice. 

You jerk back as the music swells, startled by how you’ve lost time. Why are you even thinking about Steve? You don’t know. You hate not knowing. 

“I’ve had the time of my l—”

You stop the Walkman and remove the tape. There are probably more songs, but the thought of listening to the same music that Steve does frightens you. You open your drawer and shove the tape inside, burying it under notebooks. 

“And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack.”

A blast of cool air from the AC hits your face, drying the sweat on your forehead instantly. You make a beeline for the fridges at the back of the store, bobbing your head in time to the music. You haven't had a Cookie Day in a long time. You used to have them all the time, especially in high school. 

“And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile.”

There’s no grape juice. You search three times and flick through every bottle on the shelf. Nothing. 

“We’re all out, babe!” Sheila calls from the cash register. “We’ll get more tomorrow.”

You frown at the empty shelf. What are you supposed to drink? Orange juice? As if.

And how are you supposed to eat your Mrs. Fields chocolate chip cookie? Juiceless? Pop makes your brain hurt, milk is too thick, water is boring, and any other juice would be a crime to pair with cookies. 

“And you may ask yourself, ‘Well, how did I get here?’"

Sheila whistles to the music. You glumly take your cookie and go to the register. Sheila smiles at you, her teeth slightly yellow. She wears blue eyeshadow and bubblegum pink lip gloss and her breath always smells like mint gum, but her clothes smell like Marlboros. But it's okay, because you only really smell the Marlboros when Sheila hugs you. And Sheila always asks first before she gives you a hug. 

It was Sheila who taught you that it's okay to refuse hugs if they make you uncomfortable. And it was Sheila who said that Cookie Days chase the clouds away. She swears that a little treat is the best medicine. 

And you're in need of good medicine. 

“Find any aliens this week?” she asks as she rings up your cookie. “No drink?”

You decide to answer the second question. “There’s no grape juice. Anything else would taste funny.”

Sheila nods, smacking her gum. Her sandy blonde perm bounces. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Like, when I’m watching Wheel of Fortune, I gotta have a cigarette. Watching that Vanna White makes me need a cigarette. What a woman. You saw that pink dress she had on last week? Sweet baby J in Heaven!”

You’ve seen Wheel of Fortune once; you think it’s the most boring show on the planet. The answers are too easy. You don’t tell Sheila that, though. You like Sheila. When you like people, you don’t always tell them what you don’t like. 

“No, I didn’t see her,” you say, watching Sheila tap the buttons on the register. You give her a five dollar bill and she hands you your change. 

“You wanna sit with me for a little while, baby?” Sheila asks, patting the stool behind her. “Today’s slow.”

You open your cookie and walk around the register, then climb up on the stool. It’s hard to do with one hand. Sheila helps you up so you don’t tip the stool over.

“There ya go. You want Dr. Pepper? Oh, wait, you don’t like pop, right? Makes your brain feel funny?”

“Yeah.” You take a bite of your cookie and remember Sheila’s first question. “I found an alien egg nest last month.”

“No shit?” Sheila pulls her hair into a ponytail with a beaded green hair tie. “What kinda alien?”

“I’m not sure. When I go to UFOCon, I’ll ask. I suspect it's an avian hybrid.”

“Like the water?”

“Like birds.”

“Oh! You’re such a smarty, using those big words.” She smacks her gum. “Good, I’m glad you’re so smart. Us girls need to be smart in this world.”

“People think I’m weird.”

“Letting the days go by, letting the water hold me down.”

Sheila opens her Dr. Pepper can. The carbonation hisses. She takes a sip and her mouth screws up. 

“Whew! That’s strong. Yeah, I know, baby. People think I’m pretty weird too. Y’know, when I was your age, I almost got married to this boy. He was a decent guy, wouldn’t have hit me or nothing. Son of a farmer. And I, well, who the hell was I, y’know? Nobody. 

“So my mama was thrilled I was getting married to anybody. And then on the day we were meant to be married, y’know what I did? I ran out. Climbed through the bathroom window. Didn't stop till I got to my sister’s house. She hid me for a week, till my mama cooled down.”

“Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground.”

You swivel to face Sheila. “Why’d you do that? Isn’t getting married good?”

“Ha! No, there’s about ten million people who’d tell ya that marriage is so very not good. I didn’t wanna get married, bottom line. Some people do, and that’s well and good, but I’m not them. This kid’s name was Carl. Baby, he couldn’t even shave! His daddy shaved him the day of our wedding. We had no goddamn business getting married. You got chocolate on your lip, hon.”

She hands you a napkin. You wipe your mouth. Sheila gives you a thumbs up and takes another sip of pop. 

“Shit, still strong!” She smacks her lips. “Anyway, where was I going with this? Oh, yeah! Y’know, people will say you’re weird ‘cause you don’t fit in. But fitting in is usually a load of BS. And when you’re weird, you’ll find other cool people you like and who like you. Like my roommate, Carol. Carol and I are best buddies. She thinks I’m swell and I think she’s pretty fucking cool too.”

“But there’s no weird people in Hawkins,” you say, looking forlornly at your cookie. You know. You’ve been searching for a long time. Sheila isn’t weird, but she doesn’t mind that you are. 

“Are you kidding! There totally are. And you know something? Sometimes you meet people who aren’t weird like you but who like you exactly as you are.”

“Time isn't holding up, time isn't after us.”

The AC drones on. You finish your cookie and crumple the wrapper, then throw it in the small garbage can under the counter. Your mouth is so dry, but there’s no juice you like.

“Sheila, have you ever been wrong about somebody?”

“Definitely, honey bunches. Plenty have been wrong about me too. My mama was the first.”

“Have you ever been wrong in a good way?” you ask.

“You mean did I ever judge someone too quickly and then realize they’re actually good people?”

You nod. 

“Sure I have.” Sheila peers at you, lashes thick with black crust. “Have you done that recently?”

“I don’t know. I’m usually good at making observations about people, but so far, I’ve been wrong all the way.”

“Sometimes you just gotta get out of your own head. It's scary as shit but it's so worth it. Carol's my good friend. I love her to death. She's helping me to quit smoking. And I trust her to keep liking me even when I fall off the wagon. When I first met her, she scared me. Honest to God. I’ve never felt like that about anyone, y’know? Like I’d found my soulmate.”

You look at her. “How did you feel exactly?”

“Well, I felt jittery and a little nauseous. Couldn’t stop thinking ‘bout her. She’s a cool lady, y’understand. Works with rock stars and folk singers and circus people. Plans concerts and stuff. And who am I? I work at some convenience store. I thought, shit, Sheila, what’re you playing at? Lotta people would think I’m weird to feel this way about Carol. But y’know somethin’? Carol liked me just the way I am. Still does.”

“Oh.” 

You’re so thirsty. Your feet move of their own accord, back to the fridges. Sheila pops her gum.

“Where ya goin’, babe?”

“Get a drink,” you say, though you don’t know what. You’ve never drunk anything but grape juice with your cookie. 

You open the fridge and take out a bottle of apple juice. It’s the same brand as the one that Steve gave you. The same brand he poisoned you with.

Except you’ve done extensive testing since. You went to the doctor twice. There’s no sign you’ve been poisoned. Your best guess is still aliens. As usual. 

“Didn’t know ya liked apple,” Sheila says as you return to the register. She waves away your money. “Nah, keep it. These cameras don’t work anyway.” She winks.

“I don’t usually drink apple juice,” you say. “But someone told me that it’s good with cookies. Like in kindergarten.”

“Is that what they fed you kids back then? Man! They fed us sawdust in kindergarten. I remember the teacher too. Mrs. Pip. She was okay, ‘cept she liked to chain smoke when we were having naptime, and…”

You drink the juice. It tastes exactly like it had with Steve. It tastes better than grape juice. 

“—Anyway, the kid was fine. He didn’t eat the whole cigarette. Built up his immune system, if you ask me. How’s it taste, babe?”

You nod. “I like it.”

“Always nice to find something new to like, right?”

“Yeah.” You stare at the bottle. “It is.”

Used bookstores are truly the most perfect places on Earth. 

Not only are they respite from the hellish weather currently plaguing the Midwest, but they're also filled with books. Cheap books. And books have knowledge. Knowledge that you really need.

Hawkins Local Books is the only used bookshop in Hawkins, but it holds its own in your tiny town. It smells like paper and book spines. You take deep lungfuls of the smell, happy that hardly anyone is here. Most people are out enjoying the heat. But you have work to do. 

First, you check the single shelf that sometimes has books about planetary systems and extraterrestrials. There aren't a lot of books on aliens, at least not at Hawkins Local Books. If you had a car, you'd drive to Indianapolis and take advantage of what is no doubt an extensive bookstore inventory. 

“Hi, girly.” Cora has spiky green hair and a tattoo of Frankenstein’s monster on her shoulder, which she showed you the second week you stopped by. She works on Saturdays and is three years older than you. She calls you girly and has never asked your real name, but you think she’s nice. Sometimes she gives you discounts on books. She also doesn’t care that you flip through books without buying them. Mostly, she blasts music that’s full of yelling and plays on her Gameboy. 

“Do you have any books on boys?” you ask. 

Cora squints. “Boys? Like male authors?”

“No, like, um… boys. And girls feeling… weird about boys?”

“Oh. Sure. Look back there. That’s where the romance shit is.” She points to the second room that’s equally cluttered with books. 

Romance? You could be dying.

You go anyway. Cora has never steered you to the wrong shelf before. You go and find that the romance books fill six shelves, which is overwhelming. Then again, that bodes well for you when it comes to research. There’s a sticker that says ROMANCE on one shelf. The one next to it says HARLEQUIN. You wonder what that’s about. As far as you know, ducks aren’t related to romance. But you look there first, because that shelf must be about romance in nature, and that’s exactly what you’re looking for. 

Except many of the covers feature long-haired men clutching women in odd poses. How do their necks bend that way? Why are the men so shiny? Steve isn't shiny… except for his hair. He has very nice hair. 

All you want is something that will tell you why you keep thinking about Steve Harrington’s legs and hair and eyes and why you’ve been ill since meeting him. Luxurious hair seems to be exclusive to these men, so maybe Cora is onto something. Maybe the illness part comes later for the women on the covers.  

Obviously, a part of your new feelings is that you're a scientist and Steve is a new specimen, so your brain is stuck on him. Understandable. It's just like when you found those alien eggs. But it's more than that. Your body feels clumsy and hot when you think about him, weird in a way that it doesn't when you think about the eggs. You went to the doctor for a checkup, but the results were normal. You'll have to find your own answers. 

You recall a girl in tenth grade who'd described in excruciating detail what kissing her boyfriend under the bleachers felt like. Far too much saliva for your taste. But you remember the feeling she'd described: butterflies in her stomach. Which doesn't make sense, considering butterflies would melt from stomach acid. 

No, of course you're not in love with Steve Harrington. But these new feelings require research, and perhaps books on the human condition of love can provide that. There might just be a link. 

You scan the books. Many of them have frightening titles like Held Captive or Prisoners of Love. You hope no one will try to imprison you out of love. That would be unfortunate. 

One makes you pause. Curing the Heart. Perfect! Exactly what you're looking for. A cure. 

You pull it out and flip to a random page. The cover is bent like its owner read it frequently. That seems like a promising sign.

Teresa had never been alone with a man before. She was nervous, her heart beating rapidly. 

A-ha! So this feeling was common. And you were just like Teresa. You've also never been alone with a man before, except for that time you got detention for hitting Martin Baker's hand with a biology textbook when he called you a baby and poured water on your sneakers. You hadn't even bruised the skin—Martin was the baby. 

But being with Steve hadn't felt like detention. Still, your heart beat rapidly just like Teresa's. You keep reading. 

“This pill you've given me… are you sure it will work?” Teresa asked. She followed Dr. Chase as he approached. He was bare-chested and glistening with sweat. His legs were sculpted and tanned. 

A pill! Of course. That explained the physiological reactions. But Steve surely hadn't given you a pill. Although… the juice. Had you been drugged? No, it would've worn off by now. 

And why was Dr. Chase naked and sweaty? No respectable person of science would carry themselves that way. You understood Teresa's admiration of his legs, though. 

“Certainly, Teresa,” Dr. Chase purred, his voice like whiskey and honey. “It's the best protection on the market. Do you trust me?”

Teresa thought so. Dr. Chase had been kind to her, given her all that she needed. She felt quite hot now. She'd been married for six years and had never felt this way with Ralph. She desperately wanted to remove her clothes. It would give her everything she wanted. 

Hmm. Teresa had lost you there. Removing your clothes in front of Steve was out of the question, even if it would cure you. 

Dr. Chase smirked. “Are you feeling… passionate, Teresa?”

“I'm so hot, Doctor,” Teresa whined. “Help me.”

“I know, my love. Let me help you feel more comfortable.”

This was wrong. Teresa was married. Dr. Chase was only meant to be treating her foot fungus. But… perhaps her ailments were more than skin-deep. At this moment, Teresa felt like Dr. Chase was the only man who could cure her. Cure the hole in her heart.

Teresa had a hole in her heart? Well, why wasn't this Dr. Chase fixing her? Although… he wasn't a cardiologist if he specialized in foot fungus. Still! He should refer her to one of his colleagues. What a terrible, selfish man. 

You wonder what Steve would do if you had a hole in your heart. He'd probably drive you to the hospital, at least. Better than this Dr. Chase, who was only getting sweatier. 

“Are you ready for me, Teresa?” Dr. Chase asked.

Teresa nodded. 

“Lie down on the table. The doctor will see you now.” Dr. Chase smirked again.

Hmph. He smirked a lot for a man who had drugged a dying woman. 

Dr. Chase unbuckled his belt. Teresa held her breath as she cast her eyes upon Dr. Chase’s huge, throbbing—

You drop the book. What on earth! What was intercourse going to solve when Teresa had both feet in the grave? You pick up the book and stare at the title. This had nothing to do with cures. Was Dr. Chase even a real doctor? 

You return it to the shelf with a disgusted sigh. Romance was clearly the wrong section. You've no idea what Cora was thinking, directing you here. As usual, you'd have to find sources alone and start with real science. 

You spend an hour searching the other shelves, hunting for something to explain your reaction to Steve. There are books about anxiety and its physiology, but you've felt anxiety before. You know it well. This isn't that. Really, the only possible explanation is aliens. Maybe you inhaled an otherworldly dust that's making you behave oddly around Steve. 

Hours pass before you decide that today has been a waste. You'll have to find answers elsewhere. You leave the bookstore, humid air hitting your face. You despise the heat. May has been a ridiculous mix of rain and heat. It's not too far of a walk to the bus stop, but you're not looking forward to waiting. 

Down the road, a maroon BMW moseys up the hill. Steve. You hide behind a tree. 

The car pulls up to the front of the comic book store down the block. But instead of Steve, a boy with curly hair gets out of the passenger side. He looks like a teenager, with his gangly limbs and Star Wars shirt. He's wearing a baseball cap that says Camp Know Where.

“Yeah, I got it, Steve!” the boy says impatiently. “Dude, I got it. Yeah, three o’clock, sure. Bye.”

He slams the door. You watch in awe as he climbs up the stairs and the car pulls away like nothing happened. Like this kid didn't just snap at The Steve Harrington. 

You follow him into the comic book store. He goes directly to the X-Men section. A kid with good taste. You're intrigued. You follow him on the opposite side of the bins, pretending to look through comics. He moves on. You follow him. Then he stops. You stop. He looks at you.

“Hey! Why are you following me?” he whispers fiercely.

You look around. Then you look at him. He nods. 

“Yeah, I'm talking to you! What gives?”

“Do you know Steve Harrington?” you whisper. 

He squints. “Steve? Yeah, I know him.”

You sigh and walk around the table of comics to join him. He blinks at you.

“How do you know him?” you ask, crushing your hands into fists.

“He's my friend. Wait, are you into him? Look, if you want his number, just ask him. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to give it to you.”

You pull a face. “I don't want his number.”

“You don't?”

“Why would I want his number?”

He tilts his head. “Um… to go on a date?”

Your entire body flinches. “What? No! What? That would—no. Absolutely not.” 

“Okay, jeez.” 

A date? With a boy? With Steve Harrington, no doubt. This kid thinks that you would go on a date with Steve? There’s no possible way that you look like the kind of girl to go on a date with a boy like Steve. Unless the mystery alien dust you inhaled that’s making you think strange thoughts has also warped your appearance to others. If that’s the case, then this is much more serious than you thought.

“Hey!” He waves at you. “Hello? I’m asking you a question. What's your name?”

You tell him. 

He nods. “I'm Dustin. Dustin Henderson.”

Dustin. This must be Steve's friend who likes science. But… surely, Steve wouldn't be friends with a kid his junior who doesn't match him in social popularity status. Bizarre. 

“Why do you wanna know about Steve?” Dustin asks, squinting at you. 

“Does he bully you?” you ask. 

“What? No way! Steve's nice. I mean, yeah, he can be kind of a loser, but he's cool.”

“How is he a loser?” And how can he be a loser and cool?

“Well, like, he listens to Madonna and sings along terribly, and sometimes he says things like, ‘Let's get ready to rock and roll!’ which is so old man of him.”

You have no idea what any of that means but you nod along anyway. 

“I met him a few weeks ago,” you say. “And he was different than I expected. I don't understand why. I knew him in high school. He wasn’t… like this.”

Dustin shrugs. “Yeah, he had his head up his ass back then, y’know? But now he's really nice. I promise.” He points at your bag. “Cool pin. Truth is out there, right?” 

You hum. “Yes, the truth is out there. You like aliens?”

“Do I like them? I subscribe to UFO Monthly! I went to UFOCon last year.”

“No way,” you say. “I want to go to that.”

Dustin nods eagerly. “They're having it in Indianapolis this year.”

You frown. “I know. I don't have a car.”

“Duh. Steve would take us! Me and my other friends are going. You could come.”

“You're inviting me?”

“Yeah,” he says, beaming at you.

“Why?” 

“Because you seem interesting and I'm pretty sure you're not a serial killer or anything.”

“I'm not.”

Dustin shrugs. “Good enough for me. I'll tell Steve when I see him.”

You shake your head. “No! No, don't. I'll… I'll tell him.”

Your palms feel clammy. You want to rock on your feet. You can’t. Not in front of Dustin.

“Don’t tell Steve that we talked,” you say.

“Yeah, sure.”

You step closer. “I mean it, Dustin. Please. I don’t want you to tell him. Alright?” 

Dustin holds up his hands. “Okay, okay! Jesus. I won’t tell him.”

You haven’t done nearly enough research to be able to go anywhere with Steve Harrington. If anything, you’re more confused than when you started. You have to prepare. 

“Are you o—”

“I have to go. Bye,” you say, then turn on your heel. 

You walk past the bins, past the new X-Men releases, and back into the humidity. You plop yourself down onto the rickety bus stop bench and wait. 

Your stomach churns. You feel like you ate too much. Maybe the juice that you had at Steve’s house had a delayed-release poison. From space. That must be it. 

On your way home, you stop at the drugstore and buy a bottle of Tylenol. You swallow two outside. You’ve neutralized foreign substances in your body before, stopped a fever in its tracks. This is no different. You feel better as you walk home. 

But then Steve’s legs pop into your head again. The slope of his throat and the freckles on his nose also infiltrate your mind. Sweat beads on your neck. You look around like you've been caught. Furiously, you shove the Tylenol into your backpack. Whatever ails you will require a stronger prescription.

“June 15th, 10:23am,” you say into your tape recorder. “Subject has left work and is now walking to Burger King.”

Marie coos in your ear from where she's perched on your shoulder. You pet her feathers gently, then pick up your binoculars. Steve is in his Family Video vest. He's wearing jeans, unfortunately hiding his legs, but his arms are on show and those are also tanned, toned, and equally as hairy. 

“See, Marie,” you say, putting the binoculars to her face. “That's my latest subject. I'm still not sure he's not an alien like me.” 

Marie pecks the lens. You quickly move it away and put it back on your eyes. Steve’s gone inside. You turn on the recorder again. 

“Subject walks very fast. Approximately double my stride.”

You stay low, creeping up to the Burger King windows to get a better look. Marie goes low with you until she sees a burger wrapper on the ground and she decides to go pick at that instead. Steve is ordering inside. Two teenagers approach him. Neither one is Dustin, but Steve seems to know them well. One is a girl with red hair and she's in a wheelchair. The other is a boy with short, dark hair. The girl talks to Steve. Steve puts his hands on his hips, looking mildly agitated. She shrugs. Steve turns back to the cashier and points to the teens. They add their order before Steve pays. Huh. 

Marie is trying to rip the wrapper into edible pieces. You take the wrapper and throw it away in a nearby trash can. 

“Don't do that, Marie,” you say, and return to watching your subject. She decides to play with her harness leash instead. 

Steve waits at the counter with the teens. When they get their food, they stay with Steve until he gets his. Steve and the other boy play around, miming basketball. You press Record again. 

“Subject is…” You watch them laugh. Steve says something to the girl that leaves a quiet, fond smile on her face. “Um, subject has many friends. He's well-liked. He’s nice to non-Caseys.”

You stop recording. The three of them leave Burger King, and you crouch further behind the side of the restaurant. Marie is hopping around on the ground so you return your attention to Steve. 

“Okay, but don't forget,” the girl says. “And don't spoil the surprise like last time.”

“I didn't spoil anything!” Steve says. “Robin can't lie to save her life.” 

“You told her about the party, dummy.”

“Well… she pulled it out of me.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, sure. Just be there before the party starts, okay?” 

“Yeah, I'll be there. Of course I will.” 

Steve claps the boy on the shoulder and squeezes the girl's wrist. They leave in the opposite direction, away from the Burger King. You let go of Marie's leash and put your things away in your backpack, searching for your camera. This is a perfect photo opportunity. 

It happens in a moment. You've only just looked away when Steve yelps. You look up and see Marie on Steve's shoulder, insistently trying to take a French fry from his hand. Her leash dangles behind his shoulder. She's flapping her wings, making Steve's hair fly up. Steve squirms, trying to block her with his elbow.

“Jesus!” he shouts. You sprint to them. 

“Marie!” you say, hands extended. “Stop that!”

You grab Marie from Steve's shoulder with both hands and set her back on your shoulder, wrapping her leash around your wrist so she can't fly off again. You hold her in place with your hand. Steve is staring at you, eyebrows at his hairline. 

“I'm sorry,” you say tightly, and turn around, ready to run. 

“Wait!”

You turn around to face Steve. He looks dazed but he's smiling a little. 

“Uh,” he says. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“So… that's a pigeon.”

You nod. “Yes. This is Marie. I let go of her leash for a moment. I'm sorry. She's domesticated and she doesn't have any diseases or anything. Did she peck you?”

“No, she didn’t. It's fine. I've handled way worse than a pigeon.” Steve puts his hands on his hips and leans back, shrugging like he wasn't close to fighting a pigeon. “I was just a little caught off-guard. Is she friendly?”

“Yes, she's very friendly. She likes French fries and mango, so she got excited. But she's a very good bird. I wouldn't have trained her any other way.”

Marie coos. Steve holds out a French fry. 

“Can I feed her?” he asks, eyeing Marie. You nod. 

Steve gives her the French fry. Marie eagerly gobbles it up. He steps back and dusts his hands.

“So how did you get a pet pigeon?” he asks, flattening his pigeon-swept hair. 

“I found her when she was a squab. She had an injured wing. Pigeons aren't as wild or dangerous as we think. Many people used to have them as pets.”

“Really?” Steve asks. 

You pet Marie's feathers thoughtfully. “Yes. We used them as messengers. And then we decided we didn't want them anymore. So we released them into the city. And by then, pigeons were so domesticated that they didn't know how to act like real birds. They can't make nests. They build them out of garbage. They can't survive in the wild. We did that to them.”

“Wow. That’s really shitty of us.”

You shrug. “It’s not unusual for humans, discarding what they don’t need.”

“Yeah, guess so. It’s cool that you took Marie in. Does she know tricks?”

“Sometimes she’ll find loose change around my house,” you say. “Mostly, she keeps me company. She’s my friend.”

Steve smiles. “I used to have a goldfish named Benny. But he didn’t do much. Having a pigeon for a friend sounds awesome.”

You nod. You don’t tell Steve how badly you want a human friend, how you used to cry to Marie over not having one. 

“Dustin told me he saw you at the comic store last week.”

You look at him in alarm. “What did he say?”

“Just that you guys met. I didn’t know you liked comics.”

You exhale, relieved that Dustin didn’t tell Steve you want to go somewhere with him. “Oh. Yes, some of them. I like X-Men.”

“Yeah, I, uh, don’t know a lot about any comics. I didn’t even know Star Wars had comics. I only saw the movie with the teddy bear.”

“Chewbacca?”

Steve snaps his fingers. “That’s the one. See? Nothing. Maybe you could give me some comic recommendations.”

You squint. “Why wouldn’t you just ask Dustin?”

“Oh, uh… well, that kid refuses to give me suggestions. He says I’ll be bored. But I would give comics a chance! I’m open-minded.”

“I guess I could write you a list,” you say.

Steve grins. “Cool. Hey, you like stars, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, there’s supposed to be a comet sighting next Friday. Berg–Barfen—”

“Bertenstein’s Comet,” you say. “Yes, I know of it. You follow comet orbits?”

“Psh, are you kidding? I love that stuff!” Steve says, waving a hand. “I’m actually gonna meet friends at the park to see it. Dustin’s gonna bring his telescope. It’s gonna be, like, a picnic. At night.”

“Okay. Have fun. I’m also going to observe the comet. I have to go feed Marie now. Goodbye.” You begin to walk past Steve.

“Wait, uh—” Steve jogs backward to stop you. “Sorry, I was trying to invite you.”

You tilt your head. “To the park?”

“Yeah! Dustin’s telescope is super powerful. You can see Pluto, or something.”

You squint. “There are very few telescopes that can see Pluto.”

“Oh. Well, anyway, it’s a strong telescope. Do you wanna come?”

You pet Marie and look at Steve unsurely. “But you’ll be there with your friends.”

Steve nods slowly. “Yeah…”

“We aren’t friends.”

He sags. Instantly, you feel dread. You’ve said something wrong. As per usual.

“I… thought we could be friends,” Steve says. “I wanna be friends if you do.”

You should warn him, before he goes and recklessly makes an offer like that. “I don’t have many friends.”

Steve smiles. “That’s okay. I don’t either.”

“You did.”

He shakes his head. “Not really. I just had people I was around. These days, I make friends with people I actually like.”

And you’re one of those people?

“Okay,” you say quietly. “I will watch the comet with you and your friends, Steve.”

He brightens. That fluttery feeling in your gut returns. 

“Cool! So we’re meeting on the field, by the pond. I can pick you up around eight if you want.”

“The park is close to my house,” you say. “I’ll walk.”

“Oh. Okay. No problem. Lemme give you my number in case anything changes or if you have any questions.”

Steve takes out the receipt from his Burger King bag. He digs into his pockets for a pen. You watch him, limbs feeling slightly numb. Why is he giving you his number? Did Dustin tell him you want to go on a date? Or is this just to make fun of you later, to laugh at you for thinking that Steve—that anyone—would actually give you their number? 

“Here,” Steve says, handing you the receipt. There are three orders, two of which aren't Steve’s. Below the total, he’s written ten numbers and a smiley face. Marie tries to take the receipt. You put it in your jeans pocket before she can. 

You shouldn’t fall for this. You know better. You’ve studied people like Steve your whole life. 

“I’ll see you there,” he says, turning to go. His smile is quite beautiful. “Okay?”

Your mouth is dry. Another symptom. “Okay.”

You toss your bag on your couch when you get home and make a beeline for the fridge. It’s either ketchup and macaroni or a peanut butter and Captain Crunch sandwich. Tough choice.

You settle on the sandwich and take out a plate. The picnic is tomorrow and you have no idea what to bring. You should’ve asked but you were so stunned by the invitation, you lost all ability to ask logical questions. It’s not like you.

You angrily spread the peanut butter. The receipt is in your pocket. You scowl. How stupid does Steve Harrington think you are? Here’s my number! You might be weird and uptight and a freak. But you’re not an idiot. You can imagine Steve laughing at home now about how he gave you the number to a mechanic or a pizzeria. 

But then… you keep thinking about his kind eyes and how he ran after you. And how he was nice to Dustin and those other kids and Marie, even when she messed up his hair. And all that seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through just to bully you. He could’ve easily joined in with Casey. Called you more names. You’re sure Steve Harrington knows a lot of ways to insult someone, cut them to the bone. You’re sure there’s a lot of things Steve could say that would cut you to the bone. 

You put down your butterknife and get the receipt. Then you go to the phone and punch the numbers in. 

It rings once, twice, twice and a half—

“Hello?”

Steve. That’s Steve’s voice. 

You have no idea what to say.

“Uh, hello?” he says again. “Who is this?”

“It’s the girl from Skull Rock.” You pause. “Not the one you made out with.”

“Oh! Hi. Yeah, no, I figured. How are you?” 

“Fine.”

“Cool. Find any alien stuff lately?”

“Not tonight. But I collected a rock sample to study under my microscope.”

“Wow. You’re like a scientist.”

You pause. “I… guess so.”

No one’s ever called you a scientist. Your cousin called you a nuisance when you wanted to look at kelp and dried sand dollars under your microscope at the shore instead of play volleyball. And you should've played volleyball because everyone else your age was playing it but you're terrible at volleyball, at anything requiring hand-eye coordination, really. And you'd just wanted to do something quiet. Something that didn't make you a burden. 

“So where did you—”

“It’s a picnic,” you blurt. You cringe. “I’m sorry. I interrupted you.”

“That’s okay. Yeah, tomorrow, you mean? It’s a picnic.”

“Yes. So what should I bring?”

“You don’t have to bring anything,” Steve says. “It’s okay. We don’t expect you to.”

No, you know this trick. You know it’s impolite if you only bring yourself. People always expect more than just you, to make up for yourself. 

“I can bring food,” you say. “Really.”

“Okay, if you want to. Mike’s allergic to peanuts. But everything else is fine.”

“Is anyone bringing cookies?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

You rock on your heels. “Do you like chocolate chip?”

“I love chocolate chip,” he says. “It’s the best cookie.”

“It is,” you say. 

There’s a pause. Then Steve says, “I’m glad you’re coming.”

You swallow. “Okay.”

That’s the wrong thing to say. You often say the wrong thing, and that’s nothing new, but this time, you really wish you had a book to tell you what to say to boys who think you’re a scientist and who want to be your friend and who are glad you’re coming.  

“Well, bye,” you say. 

“Good night.” Steve sounds warm. 

You hang up. You really need to figure out what mystery alien powder you inhaled. The symptoms are getting worse. 

Steve is exactly where he said he’d be at the park, with several people your age or close to your age. The teens from Burger King and Dustin are there, as well as a few others. There’s an older girl and a boy who you immediately recognize as Eddie Munson. He wears the ‘freak’ label proudly. You’ve always been jealous.

There are a few other small groups here to see the comet, but they’re sitting far away. The sky is purple, kissing the night. It’s a waxing gibbous moon, the same moon you first met Steve on. The grass is dry from days of heat, but the air is cool now that the sun has gone down. It’s the perfect night to look at the sky and try to find where you belong.  

Steve sees you first and he jogs to you. 

“Hey,” he says, grinning. “Hey, you made it. And you brought cookies!”

You nod, giving him the plastic tray. “Meijer’s didn’t have Mrs. Fields in bulk, so I got the next best cookie: grocery store cookie.”

“They look great, thank you.” Steve leads you to the pool of blankets and people. Dustin has his telescope set up and he’s showing Eddie something through it. 

“Guys, hey!” Steve introduces you. “And this is everyone. You know Dustin, and that’s Eddie. That’s Robin, Max, Lucas, El, Mike, and Will. And Nancy and Jonathan might stop by, but we’re not sure.”

“Hi,” you say weakly. There’s no way you’re going to remember all those names. 

Everyone waves at you. Steve points to his blanket. It’s big and blue-checkered. 

“I’m sitting there. You can sit with me and Robin.”

You shake your head. “I want to sit on my own blanket.”

“Oh.” Steve nods. “Sure, no problem.”

You’ve missed something. Maybe you can explain and fix Steve’s face. Explaining doesn’t always work, but maybe Steve will understand. 

“I don’t like sitting by a lot of people,” you say. “But I’ll put my blanket next to yours.”

Steve smiles. “Got it. I can move my blanket further away. We don’t have to sit next to everyone.”

“But they’re your friends,” you say.

He shrugs. “Eh, I see ‘em all the time. Plus, once the comet passes, they’re gonna be loud as hell and crowd around the telescope to get a look.”

Something is very different about this new friend you’ve made. This boy with nice legs and kind eyes, who doesn’t mind moving his blanket for you. 

Steve moves his blanket away from the cluster of teens. You put your blanket down next to his and you both sit. Steve sits back on his hands, legs extended. You stare at his legs again. 

“So are comets connected to aliens?” he asks.

“Sometimes,” you say. “You can use them to hypothesize a species’ flight pattern. But they’re no more significant than stars or planets.”

“Aliens are so cool,” he says. “I hope if they ever visit us, they’re friendly.”

You hope that Steve thinks you’re friendly. 

“Oh, shit.” He sits up. “I didn’t get you anything to eat! I packed sandwiches. Cheese, ham, turkey… Dustin brought Doritos. Lucas brought Moon Pies. Eddie’s in charge of the drinks.”

“Um…” You hate when you have to eat other people’s food. It’s a gamble every time. Drinks are the only safe option. 

But Steve had invited you to a thing that friends do, and you want friends. You want Steve to be your friend. You can’t let your stupid freak self get in the way of that.

“I’m allergic,” you say. “I can’t eat those things. Sorry.”

Steve tilts his head at you. “Oh, really? Shit. You could’ve told me, I would’ve brought something you’re not allergic to.”

“It’s okay,” you say, guilt twinging in your chest. “I like being here. The food doesn’t matter.”

Steve half-smiles. He looks so much like a boy. He looks like a handsome boy that wears shades and drives a cool car and kisses a pretty girl, like in a movie, but for some reason, he’s here, offering you ham sandwiches. He smells good too. You like sitting next to him.

“Next time we have a picnic, you tell me your favorite foods and I’ll pack all of them,” he says.

“Okay,” you say, your neck getting hot. Why is he saying those things? Is that something friends promise? Is that something that you deserve?

Someone plops down next to Steve. A girl. She lies on her stomach. You wrack your brain, trying to remember her name. 

“Hey,” she says to you, waving. 

“Hi,” you say, looking at Steve, hoping he’ll say her name again. He doesn’t.

“So Steve says you have a pet pigeon,” she says.

You nod. “Marie.”

“That’s super cool. Can I meet her sometime?”

You blink. You’re not used to being cool. “Oh. Um…”

“No pressure,” Steve quickly says. “Maybe you can stop by Family Video sometime. That’s where we work.”

She groans. “The worst fucking place in the world. Next year, we’re working at the roller rink.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “You can’t skate to save your life.”

“Who says I would skate? That’s your job. Pick up the kids that fall. I’ll be safely behind the counter, renting skates.” She scrunches her face at him. Steve gently shoves her. 

She rolls onto her back, looking at you. “So are you dating anyone?”

“A-hem!” Steve elbows her side. She punches his shoulder.

“No,” you say. Since when is everyone so interested in you dating? 

“Interesting,” she says. “Steve here is also not dating anyone, and hasn’t done so for a month. Fascinating, right?”

“Why don’t you go get a Moon Pie?” Steve says, practically shoving her off the blanket.

She obediently goes, winking at Steve. He grumbles, turning away from her. 

“I’m really sorry about her,” he says. 

“Why?” you ask.

“Just…” He shakes his head. “She’s just being dumb. Anyway. You can definitely stop by Family Video. I’ll give you free rentals.”

You raise your brows. “Why would you do that?”

“Because, uh, that’s what friends do.”

“Oh. Like you and…” You gesture at the empty space on Steve’s blanket. “Her?”

“Robin?” Steve grins. “Did you forget her name?”

You scowl and tuck your knees into your chest. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“No, I’m not! Sorry. I know I introduced everyone quickly and there’s a lot of us. You can always ask me someone’s name if you forgot.”

“Oh.” You relax your legs. “Okay. Yes, Robin. You two are also friends. Does she get free movies?”

“Well, she works there with me. But even if she didn’t, there’s no way I’d give her free movies. She’d just abuse it.”

“And I’m… different?” you ask carefully.

Steve smiles slowly. His lashes are very long. He looks like he knows a secret. Your heart pounds.

“You’re special,” he says. “So you get free movie privileges.” 

No one’s ever called you special. Or a scientist. Or cool. Or a friend.

“It would be okay if I went to Family Video and rented a movie from you?” you ask.

“It’d be more than okay,” Steve says. 

“Even without Marie?”

“Definitely. You only have to bring yourself.”

His gaze is locked on you. You look away first.

“Oh.” You swallow hard. “Okay.”

He stands suddenly. “Wanna go look through Dustin’s telescope?”

You glance at where a few of the kids are huddled around it. “Well…”

“I’ll go with you,” he says. “They won’t crowd you. I’ll shoo ‘em away.”

Steve holds out his hand. You take it. It’s rough with calluses and cool. He pulls you up easily, because he’s got strong legs and strong arms. A chill shoots down your spine.

You let go of his hand as soon as you’re standing. You follow Steve to the telescope.

“Make way, Wheeler,” he says to one boy. “My guest wants a look.”

“Yeah, dude, you’re hogging it,” the red-headed girl says.

“What’s her name?” you whisper to Steve. 

He leans in to whisper back. “Max. And the one hogging the telescope is Mike.”

You nod. Mike goes to get a drink from the cooler. Steve gestures for you to look through the telescope. 

“Dustin,” you say, looking up. 

“Oh, hey,” he says, drinking a 7-Up. “This is the newest Levenhuk model! Cool, right?”

You nod. “It’s very good. But I think you’re twenty degrees off. You should be looking at Cassiopeia.”

“But the comet’s gonna pass at 340 degrees. That's what the report said.”

“In California,” you say. “You have to adjust for the—”

“Latitude,” he finishes, thwacking his forehead. “Duh! Okay, you’re right. I’ll change it.”

You step back while Dustin adjusts the telescope. 

“See, told you she was smart,” Steve says. “Like a scientist.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dustin says distractedly. 

Steve looks at you. “You’re a genius.”

You nod, overwhelmed. Are you? You don’t feel very smart right now. You feel a little dizzy with Steve’s attention on you. Another symptom, probably. You’ll be dead in a week. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Steve asks. 

You hesitate.

“I brought grape juice,” he says. “That’s your favorite, right? With cookies?”

“Yes,” you say. You don’t tell him that apple juice has been your most recent buy. 

“It’s in the cooler. Wanna meet Eddie? We kind of have no choice.” He laughs.

“Okay,” you say, even though you don’t really want to be with anyone but Steve. 

You and Steve go to the cooler. Eddie’s lounging on a lawn chair, his curls tied up in a ponytail. He’s talking to the boy from Burger King.

“That’s Lucas,” Steve says before you can ask. You smile gratefully. He winks. Your stomach flips.

“Thirsty customers!” Eddie says, gesturing to you grandly. “Please, step forth and receive your beverages. Pick your poison.”

“Coke,” Steve says.

“I would like grape juice,” you say.

Eddie gives you a thumbs-up. “So you’re the grape juice girl. Sir Steve told me to guard the grape juice with my life. They’re strictly reserved for you.”

“What–why?” you ask, looking at Steve. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“You’re a very special lady,” Eddie says, winking. “Steve-o made that clear.”

You wonder if you’re special like how Sheila’s friend Carol is special.

“Munson,” Steve says sharply. “Subtlety? Find it.”

Eddie shrugs, still grinning. “Not my style.” He digs through the cooler filled with ice and water, pulling out a Coke and your juice. “Here’s your drinks. You kids have fun now.”

Steve quickly steers you away, mumbling something about some friends. He flips the tab on his Coke and takes a sip. You watch, mesmerized, at the way the long, freckled column of his throat bobs while he swallows. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. If Steve was an experiment you could take home, you’d like to feel his throat with the palm of your hand. 

“Are you working tomorrow?” you ask.

Steve nods. “Yeah, why?”

“To see—I mean, I’d like to rent a movie.”

He drinks again. You watch the muscles in his jaw work. Steve smiles.

“That’d be great,” he says, and you feel like he means it.

You’ve been waiting across the street from Family Video for fifteen minutes. It’s less hot today, which is why you haven’t just gone home. You’ve been working up the nerve to go inside. 

No one is inside except for Steve and Robin, and they’re talking. You don’t want to interrupt. You wish you had Marie with you. 

You haven’t even planned out what you’re going to say. You didn’t really want to rent a movie. What movies have come out recently? You don’t know, except for a few that are still in theaters. And if you don’t have a movie to rent, Steve will know why you’re really there. He’ll know it’s because you don’t have a human friend, a friend who invites you to things, a friend who will give you free rentals.

Steve walks around the counter and out the door. He waves at you. Fuck.

“Hey!” Steve says. “Hey, you can come in, you know.” Then he jogs across the street and stops in front of you.

You step out from behind the tree you thought was hiding you well. “It seemed like you and Robin were having a conversation. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Oh, no, we were just talking about, uh…” Steve hesitates. “Dating… stuff. Anyway, you can always interrupt me. I don’t mind.”

That can’t be right. People hate when you insert yourself somewhere you don’t belong. The trouble is that you never quite learned where you do belong. 

“People hate being interrupted,” you say, expecting Steve to realize his mistake.

“Well, I—okay, yeah, not, like, cutting me off. I meant that if you see me somewhere, you can always come over, even if I’m talking to someone. You're not, y’know, interrupting.”

This is a very strange rule. No one’s ever invited you to do such a thing. 

“Okay,” you say. 

“Okay.” Steve nods, then smiles. He runs a hand through his hair. “So, uh, I actually wanted to ask you something.”

“Alright. Wait.” You pull out his Walkman. “I fixed this for you.”

“Holy shit, really? How’d you do that?”

“There was some faulty wiring, so I replaced it with wiring from the toy car you left.”

“Oh, wow. Wow, you’re amazing.”

You shrug. You don’t know what to say. Again. Steve stares at the Walkman for a few seconds. Then he looks at you. And looks. And looks.

You squeeze your hand into a fist. “Aren't you going to ask your question?” 

“Right! My question. My question is… well, I was wondering…” He peters off, chewing his lip. 

You frown. “What’s wrong?” 

Steve runs a hand through his hair. “Nothing! Nothing, sorry. I just, uh, I’m usually better at this.”

“Better at what?”

“Better at… talking. Hm. Yeah. Okay. Would you like to go out sometime?”

Steve watches you like you’re the only person in the world. His shoulders are tense. You don’t understand why. 

“You mean just you and me?” you ask.

“Yeah, you and me.”

Well, you suppose it’s significant that this would be your first time hanging out with Steve alone as your new friend. But he hangs out with Robin all the time. Surely this is no different. 

“Okay,” you say.

He straightens. “Really?”

“Yes.” 

You’ve been out with Steve before. Just last week. And you’ve been to his house, technically. You’re not sure why he’s so excited. 

“Great! Oh, that’s great.” He pumps his fist. “Awesome. Hah. That’s really great.”

“Where will we go?” you ask. 

“Anywhere, we can go anywhere. Uh, movies, mini-golf, dinner… Do you have a preference?”

“I like movies,” you say. “I want to watch Back to the Future: Part II.”

“Yeah! Yeah, totally, we can do that.” Steve is giddy. He must be a huge Marty McFly fan. “Cool. This is so great. So how ‘bout I pick you up at seven? This Saturday?”

You can get to the movies perfectly fine on your own, but you guess it wouldn’t be so bad to not have to walk. 

“Alright,” you say. “Saturday at seven.”

“Yes. Good. Great. I’ll see you then. I—”

Someone bangs on the windows of Family Video. You both jump. Robin is inside, pointing impatiently at her watch. Then she waves at you. You wave back.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Sorry. She’s hangry. Hasn’t had her break. I gotta go back to work. But we’re on for Saturday, right?” 

“I already said yes,” you say.

“Yeah, sorry, just… just confirming.” 

He grins, walking backwards towards the doors, and makes finger guns. You wince as the handle pokes his back. Steve grimaces, rubbing his back, then gives a thumbs-up.

What a bizarre reaction to going to the movies. Sequels usually aren’t even that good. 

Halfway to the bus stop, you realize that you didn’t even try to rent a movie. You hope that Steve didn’t notice. 

Steve’s car seats are soft and squeak when you move around. You’re focused on staying perfectly still due to this. 

“So did you see the first movie?” Steve asks.

“Of course,” you say. “You can’t watch the second without seeing the first.”

“Really? I saw the second Star Wars first. Didn’t really matter to me.”

“That’s very unusual,” you say, and look out the window. You watch the houses pass by. 

Steve is similarly dressed to how he was that night at Skull Rock. His hair is coiffed higher than usual. You want to ask him about it, but you’re not sure if that’ll anger him. Sometimes when you ask questions, people think you’re being rude. You’re always guessing. 

“I like your jeans,” Steve says. “I like the stars on the leg. Did you add those?”

“No, they came like that. Thank you.”

You look at the yellow star patches sewn on the bottom of your left jean leg. You’ve had these jeans for years. You don’t think there’s anything particularly nice about them. Especially compared to the kinds of clothes Steve wears. 

Steve parks close to the theater. It’s moderately busy inside. You feel people looking at you. You can’t imagine why. You’re at the movies just like them. Are you walking funny? Do you have something on your face?

“Do I have something on my face?” you ask Steve.

He shakes his head. “Nope. Your face is pretty as always.”

You look away, heartbeat ratcheting. You took another Tylenol today but it didn’t help. You kept thinking about Steve’s legs.

Steve buys your tickets and then you go to the concession counter. 

“Want anything?” he asks. 

“Why are you making purchases for me?” you ask. “I will pay you back for the ticket.” You take out your little green money purse. It has a UFO on it.

“What? No, no, I’m taking you out, remember? It’s all on me. Seriously, pick whatever you want.”

“But then I will owe you money,” you say. People can get very mean when you owe them money.

Steve shakes his head. “You don’t. Do you like popcorn?”

“Yes… Okay, I will have a small popcorn.”

“Or, um, we could share,” Steve says. “Get the big bucket?”

This is true. Plus, getting the big bucket is better worth your money. 

“Good idea,” you say. Steve smiles. You turn to the worker. “And can we get two empty nacho boxes?”

“Sure, dude,” he says, shoveling the popcorn into the bucket.

“Why the boxes?” Steve asks.

“So we can share the popcorn.”

“Oh. Well, I thought we could just share the bucket. Y’know, with our hands.”

“No, that wouldn’t work because one of us would inevitably end up getting more popcorn than the other, and that wouldn’t be fair. Besides, we’d be touching the fresh popcorn with the same hand we use to eat. Our saliva would mingle.”

The worker gives you the popcorn and the boxes. 

“Thank you,” you say, and go to the napkin counter to divide the popcorn. 

“See?” You hand Steve his box. “Now it’s even. And sanitary.”

“Uh, yeah. Good thinking.”

Steve buys slushies: cherry for him, blue raspberry for you. Then you go into the theater. It’s fairly empty since the movie came out three weeks ago. You’re happy that the theater is empty. You tell Steve as much. 

“It makes for a much more enjoyable experience,” you say.

Steve grins. “Yeah. Yeah, definitely.”

You get comfortable as the previews begin. 

“Want some of my slushie?” Steve asks you halfway through.

“You want me to use your straw?” you ask.

“You can use yours, if you want.”

“But then you’d mix cherry with my blue raspberry slushie. That wouldn’t taste good.”

Steve shrugs. “It’s okay, it’s not a big deal.”

Slushie flavors should be kept separate. Why doesn’t Steve know this?

“I’m allergic to cherry slushies,” you say. “So we have to keep them separate.”

“Oh…” Steve looks at you like he’s figuring something out, then smiles. “Okay. We don’t have to share anything.” He settles back in his seat. 

The movie begins. Steve's already shoveling popcorn into his mouth. Your eyes are glued to the screen, not wanting to miss any details.

“Hey, Alex P. Keaton!” Steve whispers when Marty comes on. “Wow, they made another one of these?”

“Yes,” you say briskly, trying to cut the conversation short. 

“The first one was weird. He kept trying to bang his mom.”

“No, he didn't. If anything, she tried to have intercourse with him,” you say. 

“Still a weird as hell story.”

“That isn't the story.”

“Then what's—”

“Steve.” You look at him in the dark. “I want to watch the movie. We can talk later.”

“Oh. Sorry.” 

The movie ends up being decent, even if the plot is a little convoluted and there are plot holes. You prefer the first. The lights come on. You blink at the sudden brightness. 

There's only one other couple in the theater. They're locked in a wet tongue-kiss three rows in front of you. You make a face. 

“Why would they waste money just to kiss here?” you whisper to Steve. 

“They're probably on a date. Or dating.”

“That's dating?” 

Steve laughs a little, rubbing his neck. “Sometimes.”

Dating looks horrible. 

You and Steve get up and leave the theater. The couple doesn't even come up for air. 

“How’d you like the movie?” Steve asks, throwing your cups and containers out. 

“It was alright. Not as good as the first one.” Steve follows you down the hallway. You keep talking. “And there were a lot of unresolved plot points. For example, there was no disruption of the time-space continuum. But Marty going to 1955 and seeing himself from the first movie would’ve unraveled time as we know it. They severely understated the disastrous effects. Doc Brown should've known better.”

Steve nods as he holds the door open to the exit for you. “Oh, yeah. Definitely.”

“Also, what stopped Biff from killing George McFly in the first movie? He was more successful than George then too, and clearly just as big of an asshole. Was it the almanac that was the deciding factor? Did it make him more confident? We should’ve been given more psychological analysis. And what about the multiple timelines theory? Why did—”

You stop. Steve’s linked your hand with his. You look down at your joined hands, then back at him. 

“Why have you done that?” you ask.

Steve looks like you just accused him of murder. He drops your hand. “Oh! Sorry. Do you not want to hold hands? We don't have to.”

Well, you really don’t know, to be honest. No one’s ever tried to hold your hand. Certainly no boy. 

“Um.” You look at your hand. Bizarre. “I suppose it’s okay.”

Steve takes your hand again and gives you a small squeeze. “Yeah?”

“Yes. It’s alright. I like when people ask me before touching me.”

“I’ll ask from now on. Okay?”

“Okay.” 

He smiles. “Keep telling me what you thought about the movie.”

“I’m not annoying you by picking the movie apart?” you ask.

“No, I like listening to you. You're so smart.”

Your face gets hot. Bizarre, indeed. 

So you keep talking. You talk all the way home, in fact, going through the mental list of plot holes you made in your head. Steve responds a little but mostly, he lets you talk. And he doesn’t get frustrated or bored. 

Steve stops in front of your house and gets out to open your car door. He walks you to your front step. 

“Well,” you say. “Despite all of my criticisms, I did have a nice time. I enjoyed going to the movies with you.”

Steve beams. “I liked going out with you too.”

You nod. This is satisfactory. You have done a good job at going out with a friend. A friend who’s a boy, no less. A boy friend with long legs who’s not an alien and just likes spending time with you. 

“I’m really happy you agreed to go out with me,” he says, suddenly shy. “I, uh, wasn’t sure if you liked me that way.”

“We’ve been out before,” you say. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I know, but it’s just… different, you know? And I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship if it didn’t pan out.”

Wow. Steve sure put a lot of pressure on Back to the Future Part II. You don’t know if you’d do that to a sequel. 

“It would’ve been fine if it hadn’t been a good movie,” you say. “I wanted to watch it. I wouldn't have blamed you for it being bad.”

“Oh… uh, yeah. I mean, it’d be a letdown, but yeah, of course.”

You nod, fiddling with the pocket of your jeans. You don’t know why you’ve both been standing here so long. 

“You look really pretty,” Steve says.

You don’t know why he says that. You didn’t put extra effort into your appearance tonight. You simply checked the weather and dressed accordingly. 

“Thank you,” you say, to be polite, even though you’re doubtful. “You’re handsome. But that’s nothing new.”

Steve laughs, cheeks turning pink. “Ha, wow. You sure know how to compliment.”

“It’s a fact.”

He smiles. “Yeah, I know you wouldn’t lie about that. That’s why it’s so nice, I guess. And that’s why I, uh…”

Steve leans in, eyes beginning to close. You freeze, watching his mouth approach your mouth area. Your heart pounds, realization dawning on you. What’s wrong with Steve? Doesn’t he know that you don’t know how to do this? Doesn’t he know you don’t belong here?

You don’t think. Your hand comes up and blocks his face. Steve’s eyes fly open. His lips are on your palm.

“Oh no,” you say, and swing open your door. 

It slams shut in Steve’s face. You rest your head on the wood. It would appear you’ve miscalculated. 

Sometimes, you wonder what your home planet is like. 

You imagine that it's always a little cold because you’re hot even when no one else is, and you get impatient in the summer. On your planet, no one reads something in your tone that isn't there. You never make anyone unnecessarily upset and they never make you upset either. Earth isn't ideal because so many things make you upset or nervous or afraid. People scare you. You don’t think an Earth native is this afraid all the time. 

Above all, on your planet, you'd know when a boy likes you like a friend and when he's asking you on a date. You'd know when and how to kiss. You wouldn't run away. You wouldn't lose.

Steve stops by your house three days later. You see his car outside and you watch him from the upstairs window as he comes to the door and rings the doorbell. He calls your name. You go downstairs and stand behind the door.

“I’m really sorry,” he says. “I don’t know if you’re here or if I’m just talking to a door like an idiot… but I see a light on so I think you might be here. Anyway, I’m really sorry about Saturday. I thought you knew what I meant but you didn’t and that’s on me.”

You open the door. Steve steps back, startled.

“Hi,” he says. His voice is so soft. You don’t think anyone has ever spoken to you so softly.

“Hi,” you whisper. 

“Hey, God, I’m so sorry. I was so dumb, seriously, and—”

You shut your eyes. “I thought we were friends.”

“What? We are.”

“I didn’t understand,” you say.

“Hey, we are.”

You open your eyes. “I didn’t understand. I never understand. I always mess it up.”

“No, hang on—”

“I thought we had a good time.” You wrap your arms around yourself. “I thought that was enough.”

“It is! We did.”

“I thought…” You will not cry. “I thought you liked me as I am.” Your voice is small. People take advantage of your small voice. You hope that Steve won't. 

“I do,” Steve says. “Hey, I like you a lot. Listen to me, please. I wasn't a good listener because I didn't try to find out what you wanted. I thought, ‘okay, I'm good at taking girls on dates, so I can do this.’ But you're not like most girls, are you?”

You turn around. Why is he doing this? Why is he reminding you of how much you don't belong here?

“Please don't be mean," you say. “I really like you. I thought you were nice, Steve.” You don't know what else to do but beg. “No one ever tells me. I’m always guessing and pretending. I always guess wrong. I pretend wrong. I don’t know what to do, Steve.”

“Hey, no, no, it’s okay. It's okay that you're not like everybody else. It’s not a bad thing. I'm the dummy for not understanding that. I should've been clear and asked if you were interested in going on a date with me. I should've let you lead. Can I touch your shoulders?”

You sniffle and nod. Steve gently turns you around, hands on your shoulders. You bow your head. You can’t bear to look at him, but Steve leans in and tries to find your gaze. His voice is still so gentle.

“We don’t have to be more than friends,” he says. “You don’t have to guess. We can be whatever you want.”

“I don’t—I don’t know,” you say. “I’ve never had this happen. I don’t know how to behave around a boy like you. I think that I like you as more than a friend, but it’s confusing. I thought we were friends.”

“We are friends,” he says. “We don’t have to stop being friends. We can figure it out. We’ll do as much as you’re comfortable with.”

You cover your eyes and try to keep years of hurt in. “You're pretending.”

“I'm not pretending. Why would I pretend?”

You drop your hands. Steve is blurry. 

“Because no one has ever liked me enough to accommodate me.” 

Steve stands there for a second as you cry and wish that the aliens would take you then and there.

“This is wrong,” you say, breathing getting tight and fast. “This–this isn’t what happens to me. You aren’t supposed to like me. I shouldn’t want more.”

“I like you,” Steve says quietly. “You like me. I think that’s enough.”

You shake your head. There’s so much noise between your ears. Static and frequencies and wrong words. What are you doing? You have never known. You will probably never know. 

“I don’t know—” You heave gulps of air in between cries. “I don’t—Steve, I don’t know."

“Is it okay if I hug you?” 

You nod. Steve pulls you into a hug. You don't hug a lot of people; you can't remember the last time you got a hug. Maybe months ago, from Sheila. They're not typically your favorite. But right now, it's good. It's peace. It feels like Steve knows the right thing to do and you let him do it, and maybe that really is enough. You cry harder and Steve rubs your back. 

“I'm really sorry,” he says. “I'm sorry. I like you a lot. I want to accommodate you.” 

“I'm sorry that I don't know how to kiss you,” you say through tears. “I don’t know how to identify this feeling. I didn’t know we were supposed to kiss.”

“What? No, that's okay. We aren’t supposed to do anything. It's fine, you don't need to know.” Steve pets you between your shoulder blades, like how you pet Marie when she gets nervous during a storm. You can feel the heat of him, the warmth that emanates even when you aren’t touching. He smells even stronger like this. 

“But you like kissing,” you say, voice wobbly. “You like girl tongue.”

“I, uh—I’ve never heard it called that, but, um, no, it really doesn’t matter. I didn’t go on a date with you to get your tongue in my mouth. That would’ve been super shitty of me. I just wanted to hang out with you because I like you as a friend and as something more, yeah. And I misread the situation and thought you wanted to kiss, but you didn’t, and that’s fine.”

“I ruined it,” you say, face hot and wet. You clutch Steve’s nice hairy arms, feel the biceps twitch. “This isn’t how it should go.” 

“You didn't,” Steve says, easy as anything. “It can go any way we want it to. I want it to go your way.”

He feels so good. A boy you like has his strong, warm boy-arms around you. Have scientists discovered this yet? Perhaps only the writers know.

“I always ruin things,” you say. You don't know how to put a lifetime of crash-landing into words, but Steve seems to understand. He steps back and wipes away a tear on your cheek with his thumb. 

“It's shitty that people made you feel that way,” he says. “But you don't ruin things. Okay? That's bullshit. I like you. You didn't ruin anything.” 

“I thought we were just seeing a movie,” you say. 

Steve nods. “I know. It can just be that if you want. We can just be friends, it's okay.”

You shake your head. “No. I think… that I reciprocate your feelings.”

For years, it felt wrong to like a boy. You didn't want to subject anyone to that. You can't act like a girl who likes a boy; you've never been able to. Everyone has told you that you don't act right, no matter how hard you try to copy them. 

“That’s really nice if you do," Steve says. "But you don’t have to like me like that.”

“Is it okay if I do?” 

“Definitely.”

You stand there for a few moments. You wipe your cheeks. Maybe this world is yours too.

“What do you feel like doing?” Steve asks.

You take a deep breath. “I would like to get a Mrs. Fields cookie and a bottle of apple juice. And go somewhere cool.”

Steve offers his hand. You take it. He squeezes.

“We can definitely make that happen.”

[vajjaa]

greta was time's person of the year a few years ago. she was adored by all liberal world leaders and parties. and when she learnt about people's struggle under occupation and colonialism, she stood in solidarity with them . she now stands with palestine and armenia and kashmir and every oppressed person in the world. she could have been rich as fuck by simply remaining as a climate activist. yet she chose to do the right thing. i love her for her integrity.

[vajjaa]

price with a sensitive little bird who cries too easily (me)!!!! let's think about it....

Maybe you've worked so hard to always be so tough for everyone else :( stiffening your lip every time you get even an inkling that you might cry, running off to the nearest bathroom to gather yourself so you can come back out with the pretty smile that everyone else seems to love so much.

And maybe you do the same thing with john when you first meet him - hiding yourself away the moment you get even the tiniest bit emotional because you don't want to scare him off with your 'dramatics,' as everyone else calls it. You just want him to like you! And you just assume he'll be like everyone else - rolling his eyes and telling you to get over it if you ever cry in front of him. It works for a while, and he seems happy with you, so you make sure to keep it up for months.

But one day, you have nowhere to run.

The two of you are driving home after a night out together - John in the driver's seat as your head lolls against the passenger window, eyes blinking heavily as you try not to fall asleep with John's thumb rubbing small circles on your thigh. You're about to give in to the heaviness pooling behind your eyelids when you see it on the side of the road - a tuft of feathers from what used to be a happy little duck, now flattened by some driver who couldn't get out of the way fast enough, or someone who just didn't care to.

The calm, sleepy energy in the car suddenly shifts, and John steals a glance over at you only to take a double-take when he sees your lip wobbling as your eyes grow glassy. You try to tilt your head away from him to hide yourself from his view, but he's quick to gently squeeze your leg to try to pull your gaze over to him.

"Sweetheart? Hey, what's wrong, love?"

His tender coo is enough to send you over the edge, making your shoulders shake as a soft whimper escapes your lips. You try to choke out the words, but you're so ashamed to be crying in front of him that you can't even speak - so you just point lamely out the window before you bury your face into your hands and let out a sob.

"What?" His brows furrow in concern as he tries to discern what it is that's upset you. He tries to glance in the rearview mirror as he continues driving, but he's at a loss as you continue to let out the most heart-breaking sobs he's ever heard. "Love, what's happened?"

"T-The d-duck...." You manage to blubber out between tears, growing more and more embarrassed with each tear that rolls down your cheek. You're just waiting for him to degrade you, to tell her how silly you are for crying over something so stupid.

"Duck?" He doesn't seem annoyed with you, though - just confused. His hand hasn't once left your thigh, and he only pulls his eyes away from you to keep his attention on the road as he tries to soothe you with his touch. "What duck, my love?"

"S-Someone hit the-" Another little sob escapes from your lips, and he swears he feels his heart break when you bring your teary eyes up to look at him. "-the d-duck. On the road."

Oh, you soft, sweet little thing. His poor girl with an aching heart that harbors so much love and care that it can't help but spill over - making those pretty tears slip down your cheeks as you cling to his hand. The same hand that has spent its life torturing and killing, trained to hold a gun like it's second nature for the past two decades. Yet you still hold onto it like it holds the comfort you seek. And John? He'll do anything to give it to you.

He spends the rest of the night soothing you, trying to comfort you as you cry to him about how 'he must've been so scared, crossing the road all by himself. What if he has a duck family out there waiting for him? Maybe he was crossing the street to get to them...

And John never once teases you or criticizes you - he just holds you a bit closer as he brushes your tears away. It breaks his heart to see you so upset, but a part of him preens at the thought that you finally felt comfortable enough with him to show him the soft, vulnerable parts of you that you had hidden away forever.

The next day, he takes you to the park so you can feed the ducks in honor of their poor, fallen soldier - and he makes sure to hold you again when you start crying about the cute, baby ducklings trailing after their mom.

"They're just so cute...and small...and I can't help them! They could get hurt!" You blubber quietly, tucking your face into his shoulder as he runs his hands down your back to calm you. "I know, my love. I know. But mama's watching them, yeah? They'll be alright."

It's like you've broken a dam. Because now you can't seem to stop crying about every little thing around him. Broken plates, sad news articles, stained laundry, an empty restaurant with a 'grand opening' sign in the front. All of it sends you over the edge in an instant, and you always end up seeking John out for him to soothe you.

You're just waiting for the moment that he tells you that you're too much. He comes home after a hard day of work just to have to take care of you the second he gets back - of course he'd get tired of you at some point! Nobody has ever been kind to you when you showed them such an unguarded version of yourself, and you've just thrusted it upon him with no warning.

But he seems to revel in it. The thought of being the only one that you trust to see you in such a vulnerable state - soft belly exposed for him to take care of - it's like a drug he never knew he could get addicted to. You're a soft, sensitive thing, and he's more than happy to be the one to protect you from the harshness of the world, even if that means he has to soften himself up to meet you at your level.

He's never spoken to someone so gently in his life - kissing your tears away and cooing sweet words at you as he holds you on his lap, making up stuff about whatever you're upset about just so you can calm down - no, love...fish don't feel any pain, so fishing is alright. How do I know?....I read about it...yeah. See? They're fine...no need to cry, love.

And him being soft with you makes you cry, too. But those are his favorite tears to see - red rimmed eyes filled with relief and glistening like glass as you curl yourself closer to him, grateful to have finally found someone who will catch you when you fall into your feelings.

He'll never admit to it, but sometimes he sets you up to fall just so he can be there to catch you. He'd never make you sad on purpose, of course not, but when you come to him in tears because he left you a little love note on your favorite coffee mug before he went to work? Well, what kind of man would he be if he didn't kiss your damp, splotchy cheeks until you tire yourself out and fall asleep in his arms?

Not one he'd want to be, that's for sure.

[vajjaa]

realest

When it hits 9 pm and I pull out this combo:

Ps: I have severe writers block. Help

[vajjaa]

NYMPHETAMINE !

ft. trevor philips x fem!reader

tags. established relationship, minor drug use, like one reference to violence, mostly fluff actually wow, super short..

note. this title was actually meant to go to a soldier boy fic that I had on my wip list last year and I’m still mad I can’t bag this username on tumblr HOWEVER it makes more sense for trevor bc um he does meth.. so now I have an excuse to use it.. this is sooo clunky… have not written in a hot minute and have been directing my attention mainly 2 lovey dovey so yah… honestly don’t have a clue on how to write trevor’s character so this was mostly just practice but yah.. it gets disjointed like halfway thru howeverrrr umm .. hopefully… hopefully it makes sense!! please ignore typos! and as always feedback/rbs are appreciated :3

“C’mon, baby, don’t you want to get out of here for a little bit?” You unzip a compartment in your suitcase to find a safe place for your bargain bin flip-flops.

“No,” Trevor says with a childish shake of his head, “you’ve got sun, sand, and sea right here.”

“It's not sand, baby, it’s dirt and dust, we’re in the middle of the fucking desert.” You look over to where he’s draped over the patchwork couch like an oversized house cat, one of his hands is gripping a pipe and the other is tucked away in his boxers.

“Sandy Shores,” he tells you matter of factly, “you hear that, sugar? We’re in Sandy Shores, it is literally fucking sand.”

“Yeah, but I can’t get away with wearing this—“ You wave around a high-cut bikini thong, “—In Sandy shores because it’s full of freaks.”

“Hey, watch your mouth, those freaks are my—“ A flash of red peaks his interest. “I can fly us,” Trevor says, leaving no room for argument, he’s sitting up straighter and his wide eyes are trained on that stupidly skimpy thong, “right now, let’s go, get up, let’s go!”

“Trevor…” You warn in a voice a school teacher would use - it's the only way he listens, “I’m not letting you take us that far.”

“You don’t trust me?” He scowls at you, looking more bulldog than human. “You think I can’t do it?”

“No, baby, I just have a lot of luggage.” It’s a convincing lie, but he’s still pouting at you—Well, it’s more of the thing upset dogs do, baring his teeth like he’s about to snap his jaws and bite your head clean off.

“You’ve got no clothes in there!” He points at your suitcase, and he’s not wrong, you can’t really call barely-there string bikinis and short shorts clothing, but come on, you’re not getting in that rickety little plane to fly all the way to Cancun. “Michael’s heavier than that and he—“

“Trevor.” You level him with your gaze, shaking your head in disapproval like he is nothing more than a petulant toddler.

He makes a noise somewhere between a groan and a whine.

“Trevor.”

He storms out and comes back an hour later with another questionable stain on his dirtied white shirt, this stain differs a little from the other ones because it is bright fucking red and his knuckles are bruised, but he looks infinitely calmer.

Temper tantrums are good for him, gets everything out of his system.

You don’t say much, watching him quietly from your perch as Trevor packs a duffel bag, rifling through his wardrobe as if there’s enough clothes to rifle through.

“I packed,” Trevor says, holding up the bag for you to inspect.

“Is that… Is that enough for you, baby?” You ask, using two long nails to grasp the dirty pair of boxers he’s balled up and tossed inside.

“How long are we going?”

“A week.”

Trevor scoffs. “Don’t need that then,” he mumbles, taking the underwear from your hand and throwing them on the ground where they land beside a sticky-paged Hustler magazine.

“But there’s no other—“

“I’ve got some on.”

“Trevor.” You sigh, and for some reason it doesn’t even disgust you at this point. “No, baby, just move out of the way—Oh, and you owe me an apology for walking out like that!”

He moves aside, backing himself into the wall of the tiny bedroom like a good boy. “I’m sorry, okay?” Trevor grumbles, watching as you dig out a polo shirt, sniffing it and recoiling immediately.

“That doesn’t sound very convincing, baby.” You click your tongue, methodically folding the small amount of clean clothes you do find and creating a small pile.

Trevor suddenly smacks his knees with the palms of his hand, letting out an exaggerated moan of pain. “Ohhh, fuck! You’re so mean to me, babe!” He tips his head back, eyes squeezed shut like he’s in complete and utter anguish, clutching at his chest like you’ve put a bullet through his heart. “I said sorry, baby! What do you want from me?” He sinks to his knees, positioning himself at your feet like a kicked puppy.

You blink at him once, twice, and thrice, startled for maybe a second before you giggle and sit down on the edge of the bed. “T—“

“No! Don’t ‘T’ me!” Trevor takes your foot in his hand, still kneeling before you while he kisses just below where your ankle juts out. “I know what you’re trying to do to me! You wanna get out, and you’re gonna find some rich fuck when we step foot on that fat cat resort and leave me—“

“Trevor!” You try to hold back the laughter as he peppers kisses on the sole of your foot. “I would never, you know that!”

“You don’t have to lie…” Trevor whines, pressing his face into your foot, you wiggle your painted toes as his breath tickles your skin. “I can feel it! I can see it in your eyes—You’re pullin’ away from me, you’re gonna find some dick in a suit, and, and I’m the one that cares—“

“Oh my god, T!” You’re laughing at his absurd display of love, affection and pure stupidity, he simply won’t let you get a word in.

“You don’t need a private jet, I can fly ‘em, sugar, I can do it better—“ Trevor wails as you try to shake him off your leg. “—No! Don’t push me away, baby, I love you! Let me make it up to you, sugartits, my baby, my angel, my cute, perfect little pocket pussy—“

“Trevor, that’s not even—“

He gets up to launch himself on top of you, you squeal and hold your arms out, bracing for impact, but it never comes. You smell the alcohol on his breath as he hovers over you, and you stroke the little hair he has left as he nestles between your breasts. “Go on, sugar, punish me—Do it, hurt me, smack me, punch me, kick me, chain me up! Make me bark like a fuckin’ dog, I can do that for you—I can bark real good.”

“Trevor, baby, I really don’t want that!” You giggle, pulling down the front of your tank so he can feel your plush tits, smush his face into them.

Skin to skin contact is good for babies.

“You could take me outside, baby, make me crawl around, make me shit in a diaper—“

“Ew! Oh my god! Are you done?” You smack him lightly, and then find yourself giggling again. He’s fucking ridiculous, utterly insane, and he’s all yours because nobody else in the entire world would be willing to put up with this.

(It’s all worth it in the end, he loves like no other.)

Trevor’s voice is muffled into your chest. “No…”

“You’re insane, Trevor,” you mumble, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head

“Are you still mad at me?” He peeks up at you hesitantly, you feel his pout against your nipple.

You roll your eyes. “No.”

“…Will you fuck me now?”

“Only if you pack first.”

(When you make it to the airport a few days later, Trevor has to be told four times by four separate security guards to remove his boots. He gets into an argument over the bottle of tequila he snuck into your hand luggage, calls it a medical necessity, lets them toss it out only after you remind him that Cancun is in Mexico and tequila isn't exactly a rarity there—Then he calls a TSA agent a fascist and claims that getting patted down after the metal detector beeps not once, but twice, is a violation of human rights, he announces to the entire security line that you’re smuggling goods while looking right down your shirt.

He grumbles the entire time, and when you ask him, smiling fondly and leaning over to place a kiss on his scruffy cheek, “Then why'd you even come, T?”

Trevor blinks like an idiot because he hasn’t shut his mouth long enough to even consider that.

“Huh.” He rubs the spot where you kissed him. “I guess it’s ’cause I’d follow you anywhere, sugar.”)

[vajjaa]

➤ sweet

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read it on ao3

SUMMARY ↳ Peter Parker is sweet. The kind of sweet you can't get enough of. It kind of ruins your life. One day, during lunch, it’s the same as any other. You three are sitting together, not really eating your food, too focused on talking. Then, Peter speaks up, and it kind of throws off your whole existence. “Did Liz get a new top?” His face is resting on his hand as he stares at the girl. You’ve always thought Liz was pretty, and what makes that even more unfair is that she’s nice. She helped you find your way to your class on time, and you have a bad habit of being willing to die for people once they show you even the smallest amount of kindness. pairing: tom!peter parker x fem!reader warnings: just reader having to watch the person she loves not love her. so basically all of us with our fav fictional characters tags/notes: MAJOR pining on reader's side, (not actually) unrequited love, 7k of this is just straight yap my bad, happy ending! wc: 8.5k

Peter Parker is a sweet boy.

He always has been. Even when people shunned him for no reason, he never shed that kind demeanor. He has remained unwaveringly gentle and compassionate.

Your first interaction with him is simply asking him for a pencil. You’ve just rushed into class, barely making it before the bell rang. As you fumble through your bag, you realize you forgot to pack a pencil. Hesitantly, you turn to the boy sitting next to you.

"Hey, uh, do you have an extra pencil I could borrow?" you ask, trying to sound casual.

Peter looks up from his notebook, his eyes meeting yours with a friendly, albeit slightly surprised, expression. He quickly reaches into his bag and hands you a pencil.

“Uh, yeah. here,” he smiled unsurely, handing you a pencil.

“Thanks,” you smile. You notice how he keeps his gaze on you for a moment before turning away.

The rest of the class goes by smoothly, thanks to Peter's pencil. As the teacher drones on, you can't help but sneak glances at Peter, noticing his focused expression as he takes notes diligently. There's something about him that draws you in—a quiet determination mixed with a genuine kindness.

When the bell rings, you suck in a breath and turn to him. “Hey,” you start, extending your hand holding his pencil. “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

Peter takes the pencil, his fingers brushing against yours. “Uh, yeah. Yeah! No problem.” You think the way he stumbles over words is pretty cute.

Time to be bold. Go for it, [Name]! “Can I sit with you at lunch?”

Peter's eyes widen slightly, caught off guard by your request. He hesitates for a moment, then nods with a shy smile. “I just, I don’t really sit with anyone and you seem nice so–”

“Yes,” he blurts out, wide-eyed. “That’s cool.”

You feel a mix of relief and excitement. “Okay, see you then?”

He nods, a little late. You smile and walk off to your next class, feeling buzzy. You really are looking forward to knowing Peter.

You didn’t really notice him before. He was always in the background, never too far but never too close. He was just a boy you didn’t know, but knew of. But you saw, saw how he was always there, saw how he held the door open for others, saw how he kept his head down and never bothered anyone.

As you anticipate lunch, you imagine conversations, shared laughs, and maybe even a little bit of awkwardness, but in the best way possible. The anticipation grew with each passing period.

Woah, maybe you’re getting ahead of yourself. He might think you’re, like, weird. You really hope he doesn’t.

As lunch finally approaches, you gather your things and head to the cafeteria, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. You scan the room, looking for Peter, and spot him sitting not alone at a table near the window. There’s a boy next to him. His friend probably (who else would it be?). Taking a deep breath, you make your way over.

"Hey, Peter," you greet with a smile as you reach his table.

Peter looks up from his tray, his eyes lighting up when he sees you. "Hey," he responds, a bit more confidently than before.

You turn your attention over to his friend, who is looking at Peter, a bit surprised. “Hello.”

“Hey,” he greets you, discreetly elbowing Peter. “I’m Ned.”

“[Name],” you say.

“Why are you sitting here?” he asks bluntly. You blink at the abruptness of it as Peter hisses, “Ned!”

“Uh,” you stutter, suddenly feeling out of place. “I can go if you want–”

“No!” yelps Peter. “He’s just being stupid. What he means is that, well, we don’t really have any friends. But we’d–” he spares a subtle glare at Ned, “–like to be yours. If that’s what you want.” 

His eyes bore into yours earnestly. “Please stay.”

You pause for a moment, processing Peter's earnest plea. Ned looks a bit sheepish now, realizing his bluntness may have come off the wrong way. You glance between them and smile, feeling your nerves ease a bit.

The three of you start chatting, and you quickly find yourself laughing at their silly and nerdy jokes. You learn Peter is really into science and chemistry.

“You know Peter has an internship at Stark Industries?” says Ned, leaning in.

Peter stares at Ned hard. “Oh, really?” you hum.

Peter quickly tries to downplay it, waving his hand dismissively. "It's not a big deal, really. Just a lot of organizing and data entry," he says, clearly trying to stay humble.

You shrug. “I think it’s cool.” You do, you’re impressed.

A hint of a smile crawls on Peter’s face.

When the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch, you feel a pang of disappointment. But Peter looks at you with a hopeful expression. "Um, do you want to sit with us again tomorrow?"

You stare at him earnestly. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Okay,” he nods, more so to himself. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.”

From then on, you become a part of their group, officially Peter’s friend. You learn that Peter is not just smart, but also incredibly kind-hearted. He always goes out of his way to help others, even if it means sacrificing his own time. The bond between you strengthens, and soon you're sharing inside jokes and stories about your classes.

You somehow manage to land yourself a spot on the Academic Decathlon (no, not because Peter’s on the team). But, to be honest, you wouldn’t have tried if not for him. You’ve never considered yourself all that smart, you don’t really try that hard in school. Peter says you’re ‘naturally smart.’ You never gave it much thought, but a compliment from him makes you happy.

“You got this,” Peter assures you before every practice.

One day, during lunch, it’s the same as any other. You three are sitting together, not really eating your food, too focused on talking. Then, Peter speaks up, and it kind of throws off your whole existence.

“Did Liz get a new top?” His face is resting on his hand as he stares at the girl. You’ve always thought Liz was pretty, and what makes that even more unfair is that she’s nice. She helped you find your way to your class on time, and you have a bad habit of being willing to die for people once they show you even the smallest amount of kindness.

“No. We’ve seen that before, but never with that skirt,” replies Ned.

Liz waves at a couple of girls that greet her. You think her voice is pretty.

“We should probably stop staring before it gets creepy though,” notes Peter, still looking at her.

“Too late,” comes a voice at the end of the table. A girl, unbothered and doing her own thing. Oh, that’s MJ. “You guys are losers,” she says, unapologetic. “Except for [Name]. Hi, [Name].”

You wave at her. “Hi, MJ.”

Peter raises his hand in confusion, looking at you for answers. You shrug, not having any. That’s just how MJ is.

“Well, then why do you sit with us?” asks Ned.

MJ flicks her hair out of her face. “Because I don’t have any friends.”

And ain’t that the truth.

“Let’s move to the next question,” hums Liz, flicking through index cards. “What is the heaviest naturally-occurring element?”

You’re not really paying much attention to practice, even though you really should be. You’re too busy staring at Peter.

“Peter, it’s nationals,” you hear. “Is there now way you could take one weekend off?”

Wait, Peter’s not going to nationals?

“I can’t go to Washington. If Mr. Stark needs me, I have to make sure I’m here.” Well, you do like a man who has his priorities straight.

“You’ve never even been in the same room as Tony Stark,” says Flash, doing absolutely jack shit across the room. His voice grates your ears.

“Wait, what’s happening?”

“Peter’s not going to Washington.”

“No, no, no, no.” Felt that.

“Really? Right before Nationals?” asks Liz, wincing at him disapprovingly.

“He already quit marching band and robotics lab,” hums MJ, reading her book. Your fellow members turn to look at her. You know that, but why does she? “I’m not obsessed with him. Just very observant.” Well, you are obsessed with him. Just a little. A healthy amount.

Liz says something to Flash, and at the mention of him you automatically zone him out. You spend the time staring at Peter, who briefly glances at you before looking behind him at the ticking clock.

The rest of the day he’s tapping his fingers against the desk and moving his leg up and down. You barely manage to catch him at the door before he runs off. Peter looks at you, momentarily startled as you catch up to him. He gives you a quick smile, though you can tell his mind is elsewhere.

“Peter,” you say, frowning slightly. “Why aren’t you coming?”

He shrugs, trying to appear casual. “You know already, [Name]. The internship is really important. I gotta be ready at any time.”

“Tony Stark can’t spare you one day?” You raise a brow at him. “I think that goes against some kind of labor law.”

Peter furrows his brows, taken aback. “No, it’s not like that,” he defends quickly, shifting uncomfortably. “Mr. Stark… relies on me. I don’t wanna let him down.”

You give him a sympathetic look. “You’re really smart, Peter. There’s no way that’s possible.”

His gaze softens, smiling secretly to himself. You lightly punch his shoulder, and he gives you a mock offended look. “You’re the whole reason I even joined, and now you’re bailing on the most important day? Fake friends, I swear.” You’re mostly joking, it’s not that big of a deal. But you still would’ve liked him to be there with you.

He chuckles softly, rubbing the spots you hit him (dramatic, you barely touched him). “You’re smart, [Name]. You don’t need me.”

Yeah, you don’t need him, but you want him.

He grabs your hand and squeezes it tightly, briefly, before turning and walking away. “I’ll make it up to you, promise!”

Your heart skips a beat, at both his gesture and his words. “Okay,” you say softly, knowing he’s already gone.

“Hi. I’m Captain America. Whether you’re in the classroom or on the battlefield…”

You wonder how they convinced this guy to stand in front of a camera and yap to a bunch of high schoolers who just simply don’t care. Peter and Ned are mumbling about something, too hushed for you to hear.

“Isn’t he like a war criminal, now?” you mutter. Peter leans in to you to hear better.

He chuckles softly, breath tickling your ear. His proximity sends a warm shiver down your spine. “Sucks, he’s kind of cute.”

Peter chokes, looking at you in surprise. “In, like, a celebrity crush kind of way,” you shrug.

Peter’s face flushes a soft pink, and he clears his throat, trying to regain his composure. “Yeah, um, I guess? I didn’t think you’d like older guys…?” He trails off, fumbling with his fingers. His awkwardness only makes him more endearing.

Ned snickers beside him. “You’re not wrong. Captain America’s got that whole classic charm thing going on.”

Peter shoots him a look. “Dude.”

It’s only natural you and MJ pair up for the exercises. Though, to be fair, you’re not really doing much exercising. Instead, you’re too busy ogling Peter.

“You’re down horrendously bad,” says MJ, unapologetic.

You blink, looking down at her. “Huh.”

“You know what I’m talking about.” She looks unimpressed by your attempt to seem unaware.

The way Peter effortlessly does pull-ups is doing something to you, and it’s really embarrassing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, you do,” she snorts. You watch as Peter flicks his attention over to… Liz. Always Liz. Never you.

“Is he staring at her again?” MJ asks, looking over. Your heart sinks a little.

“Doesn’t matter,” you mutter. “He’s just my friend.”

MJ raises an eyebrow, studying you for a moment before shrugging. “If you say so.”

“Peter knows Spider-Man!”

The entire gym looks over at Ned and Peter. Um. What was that, Ned? Peter gets up, sputtering and denying Ned’s claim.

“They’re friends,” says Ned.

“Yeah, like Coach Wilson and Captain America are friends.” Your nose scrunches up at Flash’s words. MJ catches it and nods her approval.

Peter glances around nervously, his eyes meeting yours for a split second before darting away. You feel bad for him, even if he doesn’t have need for anyone’s pity. Peter is cool, and really smart. He’s also really cute, and he bites his lip when he’s focused on something. He can’t sit still for very long, and he has a bad habit of running his fingers through his hair when–

Yikes, girl. Focus.

Wait, Liz’s party?

“Yeah, I’m having people over tonight. You’re more than welcome to come,” she nods, demeanor kind of shy.

“Having a party?” Peter’s voice is breathy, and it makes your fingers clench.

The bell rings before Peter can decline (or accept, because why would he ever decline?) and Liz spares him a look as she walks away. Peter looks up at the ceiling in frustration, turning to Ned to snarl something at him.

Probably upset because Flash made fun of him in front of the girl he likes, you think miserably.

You help MJ up off the floor, waving her goodbye as she leaves. Your legs are barely able to talk you towards the door, wanting to go over to Peter. You can’t take your eyes off him, but you know you have to, so you tear them away and walk out.

As you walk away, you can't help but feel a mixture of emotions swirling inside you. Peter's feelings for Liz are clear, but you can't deny your own growing affection for him.

“[Name]!” Peter’s voice is very recognizable (to you at least). You hear his footsteps rush over, coming to a stop by your side. You turn to face him, your heart pounding. "Hey, Peter," you say, trying to sound casual.

He looks at you, his expression a mix of frustration and something else you can't quite place. "Hey, uh, I just wanted to say... about what Ned said earlier. I mean, he's just being, you know, Ned."

You nod. “It’s okay Peter, I think it’s cool you know Spider-Man.” Everything about him is cool.

Peter’s eyes widen slightly at your words. "Really? You do?" He seems both relieved and surprised by your reaction. He crosses his arms, trying to seem casual. “And, uh… what do you think about Spider-Man?”

Peter's question catches you off guard. You stare at him, a bit taken aback by his curiosity. “Well, I think he’s a hero,” you shrug. “Reliable.”

Peter kind of… stares. In awe of you. Then he snaps out of it, cheeks flushing as he looks down.

He clears his throat, changing the subject. “So, uh… you going to Liz’s party?”

You hadn't considered it, but the idea of spending more time with Peter, even if Liz is there, is tempting. Even so…

You purse your lips. “Probably not.”

He furrows his brows. “What? Who am I gonna go with?”

You snort. “Ned? Who else?”

“You.” He says it so absolutely it almost makes you fall to your knees. The idea is both thrilling and a bit nerve-wracking. The last thing you want is to feel out of place at a party, especially with your growing feelings for Peter.

“You want me to go with you?” you ask, trying to sound nonchalant even though your heart is racing.

Peter nods earnestly, his gaze locking onto yours. “Yeah. I mean, if you’re up for it. It’d be… nice.”

“I’ll… think about it.”

Peter’s face brightens up instantly, a mixture of relief and excitement evident. “Ok. Cool! I’ll, um. Hope to see you there.” And then he’s off to do his own thing.

When you arrive at Liz's house, you immediately spot MJ, and it puts your mind at ease. She’s in her own world, happy to snack on the foods there. She looks up as you approach.

“Sup.”

“Hi.”

You stand together awkwardly. Well, you’re awkward, and she’s cool. The party is in full swing, with music playing and people milling about, making the large living room feel even more crowded.

It’s embarrassing how fast you spot Peter. It’s as soon as he arrives. He’s decided to keep it casual, but you think he looks good. Really good. God, MJ was right, you are down bad.

Speaking of which, she nudges you and nods her head in Peter and Ned’s direction. “You should go say hi to him.”

“But…” Liz is there. To be fair, she’s probably only greeting them. Saying ‘thanks for coming’ you know. But even so… you’re not sure you want to watch Peter’s attention stay on Liz when you’re also there.

You take a deep breath and muster up the courage to approach Peter. MJ gives you a supportive nod, and you make your way over to them.

“Hi, Peter,” you greet, trying to sound casual despite the fluttering in your chest.

Peter turns to you, his face lighting up with a genuine smile that makes your stomach flip. “[Name]! You’re here.” His eyes are warm and welcoming, and for a moment, you forget about the rest of the party.

You nod, peering around him to greet Ned. “Hi, Ned.”

He gives you a small wave. “Hey, [Name].”

Peter's smile widens as he steps a little closer to you, clearly excited that you're there. His eyes roam your figure. “You look good.”

Your face warms. “Thanks. You too.”

“Dude. Peter,” says Ned, grabbing Peter’s arm. He begins to pull Peter away. “Sorry, [Name]. Gotta talk to him about something.” Peter looks affronted by Ned’s behavior, sending an apologetic glance your way.

You watch as Peter and Ned head off to the side, leaving you standing by yourself. A little awkwardly, you try to blend in with the crowd, scanning the room.

“Penis Parker, what’s up?”

Ugh, Flash. Who let him on the sound desk? He says a few mocking words, and suddenly Peter’s walking off somewhere.

You jog to catch up to him. “Peter, please don’t listen to Flash. He’s just an asshole.”

Peter stops in his tracks, looking back at you with a mixture of surprise and frustration. He opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it, clearly struggling to find the right words.

“[Name],” he starts, voice honey sweet, “I’m not worried about Flash, I just…” He looks around for a moment, searching for whatever words he wants to say. “I gotta go do something. I’ll be back.”

You watch as Peter rushes out of the house, deflated. You feel a mixture of concern and confusion. The party goes on as if nothing happened, but your thoughts are entirely focused on him.

In a moment of impulsiveness, you decide to follow him. The cool night air hits you as you step out onto the porch, scanning the surroundings for any sign of Peter. Damn, where did he go? He’s fast. You walk down the front steps, glancing around. “Peter!” you call out, trying to catch his attention.

A movement catches your eye. Around the side of the house, on top of the neighboring ledge, there’s someone there. Your ears can barely pick up the rustling of clothes. Weird place to change clothes. How the hell did that guy even up there?

Wait a damn minute.

That guy is Peter. How the hell did he get up there so damn quick?

You keep yourself pressed against the wall, peeking around the corner. Why the hell is Peter even changing his clothes? He looks fine. Good, even. Wait, he’s changing his clothes. Maybe you shouldn't be spying on him, that’s weird. Oh, wait, he’s wearing something underneath. Something red and black, with web patterns on and a spider symbol on his chest.

…

Oh. Oh!

What the fuck!

As Peter pulls his undershirt off, you get a glimpse of him in his full Spider-Man glory. Holy shit, Peter Parker is Spider-Man. You knew there was something special about him, but this? This is a whole different level. The red and black suit, with its sleek, form-fitting design, is unmistakable. The spider emblem on his chest is a dead giveaway.

You swallow down the knot in your throat, willing your body to turn and go back inside.

He doesn’t come back.

You leave when Flash starts his ‘when I say Penis, you say Parker’ chant.

The yellow blazer feels tacky, but you’re required to wear it as part of the Academic Decathlon. Though, MJ isn’t wearing hers, so maybe you can get away with taking it off until you get to D.C.. But MJ is MJ.

“Hey, it’s Peter!”

What.

You turn around, seeing Peter run up to your group. Peter’s face is bright with excitement as he approaches your group. His usual nervousness is replaced by an eagerness you haven’t seen before. It’s like a different side of him is on display.

“I was hoping I could rejoin the team,” he says, looking at Liz.

And he’s welcomed back with open arms. He decides to sit next to you. You’re pretty sure because it’s closest to Liz, and because Ned has decided to sit in the back. You wonder if Ned knows his identity.

He nudges you with his arm. You’re snapped back to reality, looking at him. He’s staring at you, brows furrowed just the smallest bit. You feel your traitorous heart skip a beat, like it always does when he’s around.

“You okay? You’re quiet,” he murmurs, voice low.

You manage to nod, not having much to say. Are you mad that Peter kept this secret from you? No, of course not. There was never any obligation for him to tell you, or even anyone. It’s a pretty big secret to have, after all. Though, now you wonder if him being Spider-Man has something to do with that Stark internship…

Peter’s eyes linger on you, a mix of concern and curiosity. You can sense he’s trying to gauge how you’re feeling. It’s a little uncomfortable, you’ve never really had to lie to him before, and you’re not sure if you’ll be able to. You’ve just discovered one of the biggest secrets in your life, and it’s about someone who’s become so important to you.

His phone starts ringing. You peak at it, someone by the name of ‘Happy’. Weird name, but okay. He moves to the back of the bus to take, settling in next to Ned.

You sigh, slouching in your seat. You can’t believe your life.

At least you get to room with MJ. You’re just about to fall asleep when Liz comes knocking on your door, saying that she and the rest of the team are going to sneak down to the pool. MJ decides she’s going to come. For ‘enrichment’ she says. You on the other hand… kind of just want to stay inside right now.

Until another knock on your door rouses you from your would-be sleep. Again . You grumble as you make your way to your door, opening it to find Peter, his face a mix of uncertainty and hopefulness. “Hey,” he says, looking nervous. His hood is over his head. You think he’s got his suit under there.

You don’t bother trying to fix up your appearance since you truly doubt he doesn’t see you like that. “Hello?”

“Uh,” he mumbles, gesturing away from him. “You… weren’t with the others. Are you not going to go with them? To the pool?

You shake your head. “No, not feeling it.”

“Oh,” he nods, like it was obvious. “Are you, sick or something?”

“No.” You don’t mean to be blunt with him, but you don’t really know how to act around him anymore.

“Oh, Okay.” He shifts back and forth on his feet. “Can I come in?”

You open the door wider to let him in, never able to say no to him. Peter steps are hesitant and awkward, deciding to sit on the leaning against your bed, while you sit on the mattress.

“So..?” you prompt.

Peter licks his lips, looking down to fiddle with the hem of his hoodie. “I, um, wanted to talk. About... the party. Liz’s party.” For a moment, your heart races. Did he know you were there? He glances up, his gaze meeting yours with a mix of vulnerability and determination. “I didn’t mean to, uh, leave you hanging. I just... had to go take care of something.”

You nod, understanding differently to what he knows. “It’s okay, Peter. I get it. I mean, you had... you had something important to do.”

Peter takes a deep breath, clearly relieved by your reaction. “I just... I didn’t want you to think I was avoiding you or anything. I shouldn’t have left you hanging like that.”

Peter’s earnestness tugs at your chest. He’s going to give you a damn sweet tooth. You can’t help but feel a mix of admiration and frustration. “Peter, it’s fine,” you say softly. “You don’t owe me any explanations.”

He shakes his head, his expression earnest. “But I do. I care about you, and I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings between us.”

Your heart skips another traitorous beat at his words. His sincerity is disarming, and you find yourself wanting to reassure him, even though you’re the one grappling with this newfound knowledge about his double life. Why does he have to say things like that?

“Are you not going to the pool?” you ask, gesturing to his get-up.

He scratches his cheek, shaking his head. “No I… gotta… do something.” His voice gets quieter the more he speaks, realizing he’s just quoted the very thing he just apologized for. You snort, unable to help yourself in reaching out a brushing a curl away from his face. His eyes soften, and he reaches out, tentatively taking your hand.

Your fingers brush against his, and there's a moment of silence as you both just look at each other. Peter’s grip is gentle, as if he's afraid of pushing too much, too soon. You feel the warmth of his hand, and for a second, you forget about the secrets and the confusion.

After a moment, Peter clears his throat, his expression shifting back to a more familiar, awkward smile. You snap back to reality. “You should, uh, probably go do that thing.”

He nods, not meeting your eyes. “Yup. Gonna go do that thing now.”

He’s out the door before you can blink.

Peter doesn’t come back in time for the Academic Decathlon. MJ wins you the last point, anyway.

You’re just out of earshot as Ned talks to what you assume is Peter on the phone. You look away when Liz takes the phone and begins to speak to him.

Your coach decides it’ll be fun to have a tour of the Washington Monument. You zone out during the long elevator ride, thoughts drifting to Peter. Always Peter. You wonder if you were his girlfriend, would he look to you to patch him up when patrol gets rough? Would he take you away, swinging through the night while he tells you how pretty you look–

There’s a bright light, and everything goes deafening as a loud sound explodes within the elevator. Everything comes to a stop. Ned throws his backpack on the ground, frightened.

“Oh my God. Look at the ceiling.” There’s terrifying scorch marks on it.

“Just stay calm, everyone.”

“Oh, we are all going to die here.”

You don’t listen to anymore of what anyone has to say, too focused on steadying yourself against the wall. Holy shit. Peter better be hauling ass back here, now .

Security pushes the failing doors open, and the elevator hatch is opened as your group is prepared for evacuation. It’s a scary process, and you feel like you’re just waiting for the elevator to give up and start plummeting.

Flash, always an asshole, shoves Liz out of the way, taking the trophy with him. You scoff in disbelief as he says, “Take my trophy!” ready to give him a piece of your mind, because by God, you are in a life or death situation and he still finds the time of day to be himself–

Speaking of death.

The elevator just gave up.

You are actively falling to your resting place right now.

You can’t hear anything over the sound of everybody else’s scream. You can’t even bring yourself to scream. Even as you’re about to die, you hold yourself back, just as you always have. You’ve held yourself back when it comes to school, not putting in as much effort as you could’ve, and you’ve held yourself back from telling Peter how you feel.

Now you’ll never get too.

Except the elevator jerks to a stop, almost sending you to the floor.

There’s a web attached to the top. You can barely see a red clad figure connected to it.

Nevermind, maybe you will get to.

And then the doors he’s held up against break off the hinges and you’re falling again, spider included like a package deal. The damned box catches itself on something, and the love of your life has a rough landing as he falls into the elevator with you. Oof.

Unfortunately his impact knocks the elevator off, and you’re falling. Again. If you make it out of this alive, you’re going to take a five year nap. Peter, with all of his amazing smarts, sends a web to the top of the shaft and plants himself upside down in the elevator, stopping the thing.

He clears his throat. “Hey, how you doing? Don’t worry. I got you.” Why do you love this loser.

You stand with your whole body tense as Peter makes the perilous journey of dragging your group back up, slowly and steadily. You’re gripping the handrail so tightly your knuckles turn white. Every jolt and creak of the elevator feels like a death sentence. But Peter – no, Spider-Man – is pulling you up, inch by inch.

Ned is out first, then Mr. Harrington, and Liz clutches your hand tightly as it’s just the two of you left.

But then the floor shoots out from under your feet. Liz, ever so pretty and ever so brave, jumps out, reaching a hand for Spider-Man.

She misses, and for a split second it’s just you and her falling. And then there’s a thwip sound and suddenly you’re not falling. You’re just hanging. Hanging by a thread. Or a web, you should say.

“You’re okay. You’re okay.” It’s the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard.

Spider-Man grips Liz’s hand so tight and so assuredly, you feel like everything’s okay. Liz’s hand feels warm. Really warm. Probably all the sweat from it.

The sweat from it.

Sweat that’s making your grip come loose.

Liz looks down, terrified. “She’s slipping.”

“What–” chokes Peter.

And your hand falls from her grip. This time, you let yourself scream. The mask Peter wears gets tinier and tinier as you fall. The sensation of free-fall is overwhelming. It’s like you’re completely weightless. You wonder if this is how Peter feels when he’s swinging through New York. You also wonder he ever feels the twisting of your stomach.

You feel something wrap around your waist tightly. You’re yanked back up with a sharp tug. The warmth of an arm is something you’re not all that foreign to. You’ve been hugged by your family and friends before. But not like this. It… kind of feels like home.

“I got you, [Name].” Is whispered in your ear like a prayer. “I won’t let you fall.”

Peter’s voice in your ear is like a lifeline, pulling you out of the chaos and fear. The sheer relief of his presence makes your heart pound in your chest. You cling to him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck as he swings you both out of the elevator shaft and onto the relative safety of the doorway.

You can hear the panicked voices of your friends, but all you can focus on is Peter, his breath coming in quick gasps, his suit slightly torn but his grip on you unyielding. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, voice trembling slightly.

You can only nod, your throat too tight with emotion to speak. Tears blur your vision as you look at him, your best friend, your hero, the boy you've been in love with for so long.

"You saved me," you whisper, your voice breaking.

Peter tilts his head, voice  a little wobbly but genuine. "Couldn't let you fall," he says simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

He gently lets go of you, leaving you to connect back to the real world again.

“So, uh, is everyone okay?” And just like that, things go back to the way they were.

Then the piece of metal he’s hanging upside-down from breaks off, and he’s falling down the shaft.

He’ll be fine.

The school news plays on a nearby team, retelling the events in which you almost died. Weird flex, but okay.

You’re on your way to your next class when arms suddenly wrap around you. You blink. Uh…

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” says a sweet voice. Ah, Peter. Who else but Peter? You smile and melt into his embrace. “Hi, Peter.”

He pulls back slightly, his eyes scanning your face as if checking for any hidden injuries. “You sure you’re alright? That was... intense.”

You shrug. “Yeah.” Then, you feel like being mean. Only a little bit. As a treat. “How would you know, though? You weren’t there.”

Peter’s eyes widen in confusion, a frown pulling at his lips. “What do you mean? I was there. I–” Then he stops himself. He was there, just not as Peter. You raise a brow.

Peter’s face goes through a series of expressions—confusion, realization, and finally, a nervous chuckle. “Oh. Right.” He scratches the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just–”

You roll your eyes halfheartedly. “Had to do that thing, I know.” Maybe you’d be more upset if you didn’t know any better, but you do. Maybe you’re just tired from everything.

Peter’s apology falters as he looks at you with those big, apologetic eyes. He seems so earnest, so genuinely concerned. He gives you those puppy dog eyes, filled with guilt and embarrassment.

“Look,” you say, taking a deep breath to steady yourself, “it’s fine. Really. I’m just glad you’re not hurt.”

“Come on,” he whines halfheartedly. “Let me make it up to you.”

You look at Peter, a mix of exhaustion and affection in your eyes. Despite everything that happened, you can’t help but find his earnestness endearing. “Alright,” you say, managing a small smile. “Here’s my proposal.”

Peter's eyes light up with a hopeful glimmer, and he leans in closer, eager to hear your proposal. You take a deep breath, feeling the weight of the day lifting off your shoulders as you prepare to make your request.

“If neither of us get a homecoming date,” you begin, watching as Peter’s eyes flick back and forth between yours, “we’ll go together.”

Peter's eyes widen with surprise and a hint of nervousness. For a moment, he seems lost in thought, processing your proposal. He takes a deep breath, as if trying to steady his racing heart, and then he nods with a flushed face.

"Deal," he says, his voice steadying. "But let's hope neither of us ends up dateless, okay? I mean, it's homecoming. It should be fun."

His words kind of sting. He basically just said he hopes he can find a date that’s not you. You’re not sure if the fact that he’s willing to go with you if things don’t work out is a good thing or not.

“Yeah, let’s hope,” you reply, trying to keep your tone light. Peter gives you a reassuring smile, though there’s an awkward tension between you now.

“Parker, my office.”

Peter looks at you exasperated. You shrug. Looks like Peter has detention.

The next couple of days, Peter looks down in the dumps.

He just seems… less like himself. Still as sweet as ever, holding doors open for you and carrying your bag. It’s hard to miss the way his usual enthusiasm is replaced by a constant air of melancholy.

You notice him moping in the hallways, his usual banter replaced by awkward silences. In class, he doesn’t seem any different, but you can tell the way he zones out when he’s not answering a question.

You try to give him space, but it’s hard to ignore the sense of worry you feel. You don’t want to pry, but you also don’t want him to sink into a deeper funk. Perhaps it’s in your nature to want to make him happy.

May greets you with a smile when she sees you on your doorstep. She’s always been kind to you. Maybe too kind. May always let little teasing comments about you too getting together slip. Peter always waved away her comments, chuckling awkwardly and saying ‘she’s just kidding’. Not very healthy for your heart.

Peter’s sitting on his bed, lost in thought. He jerks up as soon as you enter, staring at you in surprise. “[Name]!”

“Hi,” you greet, coming to sit next to him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Well, I can leave if you want,” you hum, point a thumb out the door. It’s mostly a joke, you really hope he doesn’t actually want you to leave.

Peter looks a bit flustered by your presence. “No, no, don’t go. I just… didn’t know you were coming.”

You lean back on your hands. “Well, when you’ve been acting weird the last couple of days, I’m gonna get worried.”

Peter slumps in on himself, sighing. He contemplates for a second before meeting your eyes. “I lost the internship.”

The internship. The Stark internship. The one you’re pretty sure is a cover for him being Spider-Man. Who hasn’t been active in a couple of days. Oh.

You give him a sympathetic look. “Peter, I’m so sorry.”

Peter nods, his gaze dropping to the floor. “Yeah, well, it’s my own fault. I was… I messed up. Tried to overcompensate, and it didn’t work out.”

You can see the frustration and disappointment in his eyes. He’s always been so driven, so dedicated. To see him like this, struggling with something that clearly matters to him, tugs at your heartstrings.

“It’s not your fault,” you say gently, trying to offer him some comfort. “Sometimes things just don’t go as planned, no matter how hard you try.”

Peter offers a small, bitter smile. “I guess. It’s just… I don’t know.” He looks in a faraway corner. “It was all I had.”

You purse your lips, wanting to scream ‘you have me!’, but you can’t bring yourself to.

Peter clears his throat. “At least I got that date with Liz.”

…Huh?

You think there’s a ringing in your ears. Your heart sinks as Peter mentions Liz. It feels like a punch to the gut. You try to mask your surprise, keeping your tone steady. "Wait, you got a date with Liz?"

“Yeah…” he chuckles shyly. “I asked her to homecoming. She said yes.”

You nod slowly, trying to process this new information. It's not exactly a blow to your heart, but it's definitely unsettling. Peter, the person you’ve had feelings for, is going out with someone else.

Though, you shouldn’t be surprised, really. You knew Peter liked Liz. If the way he stared at her wasn’t obvious enough, then the fact that he asked her to hoco is. And the fact that she said yes… God, you need to get over yourself. It’s not the end of the world. You just…

You really wanted to go with him.

“So… who’s your date?” he asks, oblivious to your inner turmoil.

You bring your legs up, wrapping your arms around them. “Nobody. I think… I’m not gonna go.”

Peter’s face falls at your words. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but then closes it, clearly at a loss for words. “Why not?”

You shrug. “I don’t have a date. Don’t wanna go alone.”

He furrows his brows. “I thought you did.”

Now it’s your turn to look confused. “No. Why did you think that?”

“You…” he trails off, looking lost. “I heard you. Talking about your crush”

“When did you hear that?”

He gulps, turning away guiltily. “In. Gym… class.”

You take a moment to think back. The only time you ever talked about your crush in gym was with MJ, that time Ned mentioned Peter knows Spider-Man. But that time…

“How did you hear that?” you ask, kind of knowing the answer. “You were, like, twenty feet away from me.”

He blushes. “I, uh… have really good hearing?”

You squeeze your eyes shut. Whatever. At least you didn’t mention Peter’s name. “Yeah, well, he doesn’t like me back. So.”

Peter’s face softens as he processes your words, a mixture of guilt and concern evident in his expression. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

“Don’t be. He likes someone else. Can’t be helped.”

Peter is silent for a moment, his eyes searching your face as if trying to gauge your feelings. There’s a tension in the air, a weight that seems to hang between you. He opens his mouth to say something, but no words come out.

You breathe, patting your thighs as you stand up. “Hope you have fun, though.”

Peter watches you go, feeling like he missed something.

True to your word, you don’t go to homecoming. You spend the night watching a movie and eating popcorn. You don’t cry, but you do sniffle.

You catch wind of the battle between this guy (Liz’s dad , holy shit, you hope she’s doing okay) and Spider-Man. The next time you see him at school, you run up to him.

“Peter!” you shout.

Peter snaps out of his thoughts, turning to you. A small smile creeps up on his face at the sight of you. “Hey, what’s up–”

His words stutter to a stop as your arms wrap around him. Peter freezes for a moment, clearly taken aback by your sudden hug. Slowly, his arms come up to return the embrace, holding you tightly. He feels warm and solid against you, a comforting presence despite everything that's happened.

“What’s wrong?” he asks softly.

You melt into his embrace. “Just glad you’re okay.”

He pulls back to look at you, arms dropping to hang around your waist. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

You can’t help yourself, cupping his cheek gently. Peter's eyes widen slightly at the tenderness of your touch. For a moment, he just stares at you, as if trying to decipher the reason behind your concern. He ever so slightly leans into your hand, doe eyes looking into you.

“You’ve just… been through a lot lately,” you decide to say.

Peter takes a deep breath, his gaze dropping to your hands resting on his cheek. He seems to be grappling with his emotions, his usual composure wavering. “I didn’t realize you were so concerned,” he admits, his voice barely above a whisper.

You smile gently, brushing your thumb across his cheek. “Of course I am. You’re important to me, Peter.”

Peter’s mouth opens and closes, unable to form words. He gulps, shifting on his feet. The tension in the air is thicker than it’s ever been, though you can’t tell why.

Peter thinks he just had an epiphany.

He takes a deep breath, hands on your waist tightening. “Hey, um. Can I… can we talk later? After school?”

You nod. “Yeah, of course.”

Peter nods as well. “Cool, cool.” His hands fall from your waist when his phone buzzes, and you finally feel like you can breathe. “I gotta take this,” he says, already walking away from you.

Peter texts you before the last bell rings, saying that something came up and if you can push your talk a few hours ahead. Your fingers shake as you type out your reply agreeing. You do your homework in silence, foot tapping up and down nervously. The sun is on the cusp of setting when there’s a knock on your door.

“Hey,” Peter greets you when you open it. He looks out of breath, like he just ran here.

“Hey,” you respond, trying to keep your voice steady.

Peter shifts nervously on his feet, glancing around before focusing on you. “You’re parents home?”

You raise a brow. “No..?”

“Good.” He moves past you, making his way to your living room. You close the door and follow him, heart pounding in your chest. Peter paces for a moment before taking a deep breath and turning to face you.

“I,” he starts, voice unsteady, “have been doing a lot of thinking.”

You remain silent, waiting for him to continue. Peter runs a hand through his hair, clearly struggling to find the right words. “I’ve been focused on the wrong things. I know I haven’t really… been there. So, I’m sorry for that.” He wrings his hands together. You watch Peter with a mixture of anticipation and concern, your heart racing as he continues to struggle with his words.

“And, um, I guess, what I’m trying to say is…” He looks directly into your eyes, a mixture of vulnerability and resolve in his expression. He takes a deep breath.

“I–”

“–Know,” you blurt.

Peter’s mouth flops open like a fish out of water. “Uh. What?”

You purse your lips. Cat’s out of the bag. “I know you’re Spider-Man.”

Peter stares incredulously at you. “I… saw. When you went outside to change at Liz’s party. You just left, and I followed you, and for some reason you were changing in front of a big ass window without your mask on? So, literally anyone could’ve saw you, so that might be more your fault than mine–”

“[Name].” Peter's voice cuts through your rambling, and he takes a step closer, hands coming to grasp yours. “You… know?”

You gulp. “Well, yeah? That’s what I just said.”

He lets out a breathy chuckle, shoulders hunching. He brings your hands up to his mouth, lightly kissing them. It sends your heart cracking through your ribs. “[Name], that’s not what I was gonna say.”

You look up at Peter, confusion and anticipation mingling in your eyes. He seems almost relieved, a soft smile gracing his lips as he holds your hands close. The moment feels suspended, and you can hear the quiet hum of the evening outside, adding to the atmosphere of calm and intensity.

“I like you. I really like you.”

You feel your breath catch in your throat, the words sinking in as if time has momentarily stopped. Peter’s eyes are locked on yours, filled with sincerity and a vulnerability that’s rare to see from him. The warmth of his hands around yours feels electrifying, grounding you in the moment.

“...I thought you liked Liz,” you whisper.

“I thought I did too,” he mutters, close. “But I was being stupid. I thought you liked someone else, so I stayed away.” He shakes his head. “But I can’t anymore.”

“How do you know it’s you I like?” you croak.

“Apart from you basically just admitting it?” He smiles cheekily. “MJ told me.”

You click your tongue. “Meddler.”

“She said she got tired of our bullshit.”

You giggle quietly, head dropping. Peter doesn’t take his eyes off of you, biting his lip in anticipation. You squeeze his hands gently, still processing the whirlwind of emotions. “So, what now?”

Peter’s expression softens, and he takes another step closer, his gaze never leaving yours. “Can I… can I kiss you?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your heart flutters at his words. “Yes,” you say, almost breathless.

Peter leans in slowly, his eyes fluttering shut as his lips meet yours in a gentle, tender kiss. It’s a kiss filled with all the unspoken emotions, a release of the tension and a celebration of what’s finally come to light. The world outside seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you in this perfect, shared moment.

As Peter's lips linger on yours, the kiss deepens, becoming more passionate yet still tender. You feel the warmth of his body, the soft pressure of his lips, and the gentle caress of his hands around yours. The kiss seems to hold everything that had been unsaid, all the confusion, the longing, and the relief of finally being on the same page

When you finally pull back, both of you are smiling, the weight of recent days seeming lighter. Peter’s eyes are full of warmth and affection, and he holds you close, his forehead resting against yours.

“Will you, um… be my–”

“–Guy in the chair? Sure, Pete. It’d be my pleasure.”

Peter hides his grin in your neck. “Sorry. Ned beat you to it.”

“Barely seconds into this relationship and you’ve already betrayed me,” you scoff playfully.

“So we’re dating now?” His voice sounds hopeful.

“Duh.” You’ve never been more sure. “Pete, I’ve been down bad for you ever since you gave me that pencil.”

He pulls back, looking at you with heartbreaking eyes. He leans in to kiss you on the forehead, then pulls back slightly, his expression soft and sincere. "I’m really sorry about homecoming. I’ll take you to prom and we’ll have the best night of our lives.”

You’re pretty sure the best night of your life will be when you and Peter get married, but maybe you’re getting ahead of yourself. “I heard you dumped her there as soon as you got there, anyway. If you ever do that to me I’ll make sure you can never be Spider-Man again.”

He nods his head seriously. “Yes, ma’am.” Then he grins, giddy with the outcome of the situation. “I’ll still make it up to you.”

“I can think of a few ways.”

He blushes, scandalized. “[Name]!”

“Down bad for a long time, Pete,” you remind him. “Like I said, my parents aren’t here…”

He scoffs, shoving you away slightly before pulling you back to him, not willing to let you go after he finally has you. The two of you stand there, holding each other, savoring the quiet and the closeness. The weight of the past few days lifts, replaced by a renewed sense of connection and possibility. It feels like the beginning of something new and wonderful, a chance to explore this newfound closeness and see where it takes you both.

“Can we just. Go out to dinner or something?” he asks, thumb rubbing at your waist. “We could use some celebration, I think."

You smile, feeling a surge of warmth at his thoughtfulness. "That sounds perfect."

As you both head out the door, hand in hand, the evening feels full of promise. With the uncertainties of the past few days behind you, you're ready to embrace whatever comes next—together.

notes: i wanted reader to drop the "i know ur spiderman" bomb and somehow find a way out of the conversation and now peter has to try to confess to them but he just cant get a hold of them for whatever reason. but that would be like a whole nother 3k or more words and like... this fic already too long LOL

thanks for reading !!

[vajjaa]

THE BEAR AND THE BEE HIVE

summary: in which carmy falls for the sweet café owner that supplies him with endless americanos

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

word count: 14.4k

warning: it's a little bit of a slow burn. sorry. i'm a sucker for it and i feel like carmy is a slow burn kinda guy. 18 +, cursing, smut, p in v, oral (m. receiving), fingering, they use protection guys! i deserve a pat in the back. nothing too wild. oh, and very brief mention of suicide.

a/n: i started writing this way back in october and then it was nearly done and i abandoned it. well i finally got around to completing it tonight!

this is my first time ever writing for carmy and i tried my best writing this. i love carmy and the show but i didn’t expect it to be hard to write him as a character. i wanted to get him right so i took my time with it and didn’t rush it. hopefully you guys like my carmy. enjoy!

i think i've had this stored in my drafts for like 4 months and it's time for me to set it free.

The cigarettes were not enough anymore. No matter how many smoke breaks Carmy took, he still felt the edge on his shoulders. A fear laced with anxiety that overtook him.

After deciding that blowing through yet another wall in his restaurant was the way to go, Carmy took a break. He needed it before he used the sledgehammer to destroy the restaurant in its entirety, along with his dream.

He remembers a coffee shop only a block away from The Bear and thinks he could use a coffee right about now. Maybe the mixture of caffeine and nicotine will be able to relax his shoulders, if only for an hour.

As soon as he opens the door, the smell of ground coffee beans greets him. He looks around, taking in the cozy ambiance the decorative wood brings to the place and the splashes of warm yellow that lighten it up.

Then he sees you, and his focus shifts entirely. His eyes only see you.

"Hi, welcome to Bee Hive!" You chirp with a small smile.

Carmy freezes, forgetting why he's there in the first place. He slowly steps up to the register, where you patiently wait for him. It's just after the lunch rush, so you're in no hurry.

He finds he's acting like a teenager who has just seen a pretty girl. Only he's not a teenager, and you're more than a pretty girl.

"What can I get for you today?" You ask, not noticing the effect you've had on him. You take a sharpie out of your yellow apron, preparing to scribble down his order in a cup.

Carmy has perfected the empty on the outside but screaming on the inside face. Strangers don't tend to know he's almost always losing his shit.

"I-I don't…sorry," Carmy looks at you briefly before diverting his eyes. He apologizes in a flurry, looking for an excuse for his weird behavior, "Uh, it's my first time here. What do you recommend?"

"It's not a problem," you say softly as if to calm him, "I'm a simple girl. I love the latte, but if you're looking for something stronger, the americano is one of the favorites."

Carmy nods as you ramble about the drinks, where the coffee beans come from, and the different notes of each blend. He hangs onto every word that slips from your lips. The static in his brain clearing up for the first time in hours.

It ends too soon as you realize you're talking too much and probably overwhelmed him. You sheepishly smile at him and trail off, but he continues to stare, waiting for you to continue.

"I'll take the Americano," Carmy nods, giving you a tight-lipped smile. Although he had been hanging to every one of your words, he was too focused on the shape of your lips and the sweet tone of your voice.

"Good choice," you nod, grabbing a cup from the tray beside you, "What's your name?"

Carmy looks up, slightly alarmed, as if you've asked for his social security number. "What?" He thinks you'll be forward and ask for his number next, seemingly forgetting how coffee orders work.

"Your name? For the order?" You explain, trying to ease his worries. He's odd, but in an endearing way. You believe this is his first time here because you're confident you would've remembered him.

"Fuck, right, yeah," he nervously says, pinching the bridge of his nose, "My name's Carmen."

"Your Americano will be right out, Carmen," you tell him, capping your sharpie back up.

Carmy quickly pays and stands to the side to wait for his order. He forces himself to not look at you or in your direction as you take other customers' orders. He just knows he's made a fool of himself already. Not that it matters. Why would it matter? He's there for the coffee. Nothing else, no one else.

As he walks out of Bee Hive, he sips his coffee. His shoulders instantly drop, and his fear-induced anxiety starts to dissipate for the moment. He's unsure if the effect is because of the caffeine or the thoughts of your pretty smile.

Visiting your coffee shop becomes routine for Carmy. Whenever things at The Bear become crazy -or he starts to lose his fuckin' mind- he makes his way to Bee Hive with a cigarette hanging from his lips.

For twenty minutes, he's free of Richie's constant hounding, Sugar's struggles with the permits and scheduling, and Sydney's disappointment because the menu is still extremely underway.

Each time he's stopped by, you've been there to greet him, and each time, you've left a little heart by Carmen's name, which makes his heart race in a peculiar way. His hands would touch his chest to check if it was heartburn, but it didn't feel like that. It's not anxiety either cause he knows pretty well how that feels.

All he knows is he hasn't done anything to deserve such a gesture. He's convinced himself you draw little hearts for everyone because he's not special.

One Thursday afternoon, Carmy realizes he doesn't know your name. He looks for a name tag, but you're not wearing one on your yellow apron. He should know your name if you insist on making small talk despite his short answers.

He can't help it. He gets too in his head to answer like a normal person, so his answers come out choppy and dry.

"Alright, Carmen, your order will be right out," you say, handing his cup to one of the baristas. You always hold out and ask him what he wants to order. He has the right to change his mind anytime, but for now, he's stuck with the americano, which he drowns in sugar.

As curiosity eats at him, he gathers the courage to ask. "Thanks. Hey, uh, I've-I’ve never gotten your name…” Carmy says, cursing at himself for not formulating the question correctly. His hand comes up to grip his hair instinctually.

Your smile widens when he asks your name. The silly crush you've developed for your customer fluttering to life. It's just a crush over a stranger, nothing to write home about.

You tell him your name but follow it with "-call me Honey. Everyone knows me by that name. I'm sure if you ask my friends about me with my real name, you'll throw them for a loop."

You're rambling, hoping he doesn't think calling you by your nickname is weird. Then again, how can he judge when he has a sister people call 'Sugar' and he and his siblings also don the nickname 'Bear.'

"Honey." Carmy repeats your nickname, smiling as he finds it fitting. "In that case, call me Carmy."

"Nice to properly meet you, Carmy," you say, grinning.

Like all the days before, Carmy steps aside and waits for his coffee. He doesn't let himself continue the conversation or ask more about you even if it’s everything he wants to do.

It's rare for Carmy to be in a good mood, and whenever it happens, it doesn't tend to last. His goal of opening a restaurant in 12 weeks makes it impossible for him to relax and enjoy the ride. To prolong this unusual feeling, Carmy stops by Bee Hive on his way to The Bear.

"Have you made your boss angry, Honey?" He asks as he pulls out his wallet to pay. He ordered the americano as he always does.

"No…why do you ask?" You ask, tilting your head in confusion.

"Uh, 'cause you-you're always here. Do you not take days off? Not that I'm complaining. I-I like seeing you here." Carmy's words get quieter as he speaks, red creeping up his neck. So much for trying to make a joke.

You look around the room and tell him, "Imma let you in on a little secret."

Carmy follows your hand, waving him to get closer. The smell of cigarettes invades your senses as you get close to him. You'd never admit that the mix of his cigarettes and your coffee is addicting. As both lean over the counter, you whisper, "I'm the boss. I can't run away even if I wanted to."

"You own the coffee shop," Carmy pans in shock.

Carmy is more than surprised at your words. Especially now that he knows how expensive it is to open a business. You can't be a day over 25 and own a successful coffee place. There is hope, after all.

"I do," you nod, standing straight once more.

A couple of years ago, you had inherited a hefty amount of money from an estranged aunt. Fresh out of college and with no real plan, you thought it would be a good moment to follow your dream and open the cozy café.

"How do you do it?" Carmy asks, amazed at the girl smiling at him. "I don't know if you know, but, um, I-I'm opening the restaurant around the block. Used to be The Beef?" He finishes grimly as he points to his side of the block.

"Oh, yeah. The guys who worked there helped me move some equipment when I first opened two years ago," you reveal, "Tell you what, whenever you have a break, come around. I'll give you a free americano and tell you all about it. Neighbor to neighbor."

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Carmy agrees. "I'll take you up on that."

Weeks go by, and Carmy seemingly forgets about Bee Hive and your pending conversation. You try not to overthink about his absence or how you might've scared him away. He's probably just busy remodeling his restaurant. You know better than anyone how much time that takes.

Still, his presence has become part of your routine, and you can't help but look at the door each time the bell rings. You expect to see him walking up to the counter, the remnants of cigarette smoke coming out his nose as he breathes.

You're pretty close to your assumption because Carmy has been dealing with the fire suppression test. They didn't fail the test once but twice, and if they didn't pass it on the third try, their plan to open the restaurant in 12 weeks goes out the window. Fak has tried everything, and nothing works.

He'd sent Richie once on a coffee run, but the fuckin' idiot went to the nearest Starbucks. Carmy had been looking forward to tasting your coffee and seeing his name in the cup with the little heart because he's 100% sure he's the only Carmen you know. It's not a common name in these parts of town.

One very early morning, he's walking to work, and as he passes Bee Hive, he sees you inside, wiping tables down before you open at 6:30.

Impulsively, he knocks on the glass, not giving himself the time to overthink things. You turn to look at the window and see him standing outside, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his familiar plaid jacket to protect himself from the chilly March air.

"Hey stranger," you greet him, opening the door and inviting him in.

"Hi," he breathes out, staring at you, "you're here early," he tries to casually mention.

You roll your eyes dramatically and say, "It's a downside of the job. Did you know people want coffee at the crack of dawn?"

You try acting as nonchalant as possible. It's not like you missed seeing one of your favorite customers, his beautiful blue eyes, or the way he rocks a simple white t-shirt.

"I had no idea," Carmy smiles, bringing his tattooed hand up to his lips, "I, uh, usually drink mine at night." That much is true. On those sleepless nights when insomnia takes over him, the best remedy is coffee.

"Would you make an exception and join me for a morning coffee at the crack ass of dawn?" Anxiously, you play with the rings on your fingers. It feels like you're asking the guy on a date when it's just a friendly coffee.

"As long as you have some business advice to spare?" Carmy responds shakily. He briefly looks down the street to glimpse at his restaurant. It's too early for anyone to be there yet.

"Deal."

Throwing the towel over your shoulder, you make your way behind the counter. Carmy attempts to make small talk with you as you prepare both drinks.

This is the first time he's watching you in action since you tend to stick to the cash register when he's around. It's not a coincidence. After the first time he came to Bee Hive, you wanted to see more of him, so you stationed yourself at the register where you'd be sure to see him, and he'd see you.

"Here you go." You place his coffee mug on the table along with yours before disappearing momentarily and returning with an orange soufflé coffee cake. You're pulling all the stops for Carmy to leave a good impression.

Carmy thanks you and sips his coffee, "Wow, this is fire!" He expected to taste an americano, but what you prepared was entirely different. He can make out hints of hazelnut and caramel in the coffee.

"Thanks. I took the liberty of changing your order. You can always come back to the americano, though…" you shrug shyly, looking at him over the rim of your mug.

"I-I appreciate it. Thanks." Carmy throws you a nervous grin. He gestures with his tattooed hand to dig into the cake you brought out. He shouldn't be the only one eating.

You and Carmy share the cake as you talk about yourselves and the crazy businesses you own. Somehow, talking to you comes easy to him. He's still nervous and scared to fuck things up, but the warm coffee and your even warmer smile ease him into it.

"How do you do it? This place is always packed, and you seem like you run a tight ship," Carmy wonders, playing with the fork. The cake is long gone, although the notes of orange remain on his tongue. Would you taste the same?

"It wasn't without mistakes. I had to learn a lot from my fuck ups and listen to my team because although I'm the owner, they are the ones doing most of the work. Whenever there's a flaw, they are the first to know," you speak softly, afraid of ruining the calm ambiance you've set up, twirling the small amount of coffee left in your mug.

It's your favorite part of morning coffee. When you have just the smallest bit of coffee left, and you know you'll never drink it because it's cold, but it gives you an excuse to remain where you are.

"So, all I gotta do is listen?" It's funny you say that because Carmy listens, but his friend's voices get muddled somewhere along the way. As much as he tries to focus on them, they merge together and form a cacophony in his head.

"A lot of listening and a lot of experimentation. I've been open for two years, and it's only been in the last six months that I can confidently tell you we found our groove," you admit with a grimace.

Bee Hive is your baby, but bringing it to life was everything but easy. You messed up so many times, costing you so much money. You didn't know shit about owning a business or building one from the ground up. Doing research and putting your pride aside to ask for help got you through it.

"I've only been doing this for, like, less than a fuckin' year, and I already want to pull my hair out," Carmy admits with a pitiful laugh.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you it gets better soon," you say apologetically, reaching for his hand that rests on the table.

Carmy freezes, glancing at your hand on top of his. He hasn't got a clue what to fucking do with the display of affection. Was it a display of affection? He doesn't fucking know. "It's, uh, it's, uh, it's alright. As-as long as you give me coffee, I think I can make it through," Carmen furrows his eyebrows as he stutters through the sentence.

"I can't wait to see what the award-winning chef does," you say, bringing your hand back to your lap, none the wiser to Carmy's internal struggle.

He should've done something to keep your hand on his. Place his other hand on yours or fucking turn his hand around to grasp it. He liked feeling your warm skin on his. It hasn't been a minute since you pulled away, and he's craving it already. It's ridiculous. Is he really that touch-starved that he's seeking affection from a near stranger?

He coughs and darts his eyes between the wooden table top and you, "Fuck. You-you know about that?"

"I might've done some research after finding out you're opening the restaurant. I got curious. I'm sorry." Apologizing is your default thing to do. Messing things up is your area of expertise. You really didn't think he'd mind you mentioning it.

"No, no, no, uh, you don't have to apologize. You just caught me off guard," Carmy shakes his head, reassuring both of you.

"Okay, good," you lightly smile at him, averting your eyes when your gazes meet.

If there's a time for you to make a move, it's now. Taking a shaky breath, you speak up, "I was wondering if you'd ever like to-."

A loud knock on the glass door interrupts you. You and Carmy jump and look towards the source of the noise. It's one of your regular clients, waving at you to open up. Looking at your watch, you see it's 6:30 already.

"Shit. I'm-I'm sorry I took so much of your time," Carmy apologizes, picking up his mug and the plate to put away.

You grab his wrist to make him stop in his tracks, "Relax. I enjoyed talking to you. Maybe we can do it again soon?"

Carmy nods wide-eyed. He likes the idea just as much as you do. You take away the mug and plate with a soft 'okay.' He then follows you to the door as you unlock it and turn the sign to 'open.'

"I, um, gotta go work on the menu. I'll probably be back later for another coffee?" Carmen asks you as if he's asking for permission, which you find adorable.

"I'll be behind the register," you say, watching him walk away. He turns his head back for a moment, and you catch the smile gracing his lips as yours turns to mimic him.

"Oh, he's cute," your customer, an older lady, says, watching him go along with you. "It's about time you got a boyfriend."

"Mrs. O'Hara, here for your tea?" You ask her, ignoring the comment about your love life. That woman will set you up with anyone. She does love her tea, though, and expects you to provide it on time.

It's slow, but Carmen warms up to you. Instead of grabbing his coffee to go, he now drinks it at the café, coincidentally around the same time you take your break.

He's been hesitantly opening up. It's not like he's telling you about how fucked up his family is or how his brother committed suicide. More often, it's about the restaurant and his work as a chef, the struggles of getting every permit they need on a tight schedule since they are supposed to open in about four weeks now, or the occasional childhood memory. It's everything you need to know at this stage.

You love listening to Carmy talk, even if you have to coax it out of him sometimes. He's passionate about the restaurant despite all the stress that comes from it, and he adores the people he works with. He's shy but not in a dorky way because he's actually fascinating. Before meeting him, you never knew that collecting denim was a thing.

The smell of cigarettes that clings to him is also tightly laced with his character. When you step outside to get some sun and the scent of someone smoking hits you, your heart instantly speeds up, hoping it's him coming for his daily americano, or to come swoop you away into a sunset.

"-I fell on my ass in the middle of the street. I was freaking out, thinking I was gonna get run over by a car," you exclaim as you tell Carmy about the crazy Christmas you spent in New York last year.

"It's New York. You probably would have been run over," Carmy chuckles along with you. "There was this one time I was running late and-" His phone vibrating interrupts him.

"Sorry, it's just the fridge guy," he tells you with a furrow of his eyebrows. You notice he does that a lot when he's thinking deeply. Carmy silences it and looks back over to you.

"You should pick that up. A busted fridge is the last thing you need. Trust me. Been there, done that." You encourage him to take the call. The restaurant is more important than your story about how you bruised your coccyx in New York.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Carm! Call him back before you forget," you insist, grabbing his empty cup to trash it. You don't give him any other option, leaving him there to help your employees with a faulty machine.

He watches you closely, closer than ever before. He allows himself to watch how you frown at the machine and how your ringed fingers fumble with the knobs. His eyes keep trailing down involuntarily, and they take in how nicely your jeans hug your ass.

He goes into a spiral into these old pair of Levi jeans popular in the 90s and how they would fit nicely with the shape of your hips and legs. Carmy continues on the tangent, imagining himself peeling them off your body.

The phone vibrating in his hand snaps him out of it. Clearing his throat, he picks up the phone and walks outside. He waves at you through the window as he makes his way back to The Bear. Your frustration at the machine vanishes momentarily as you wave back, except the machine splatters, forcing you to redirect your attention. When you look outside again, he's gone.

Stakes are high at The Bear. There's less than four weeks until Friends and Family, and there is much to do. Marcus has returned from Copenhagen and is working on the desserts. Tina is doing her job as the new sous chef. Fak and Sweeps are helping out wherever they can. And Richie is being Richie, trying to be open but resisting change.

"I need coffee or a pop. Anything with caffeine," Sydney says, throwing her head back. She and Carmen have been working on the chaos menu for hours, and she keeps messing up. Carmy insists that it's okay that they'll adjust and get it right soon, but she's beginning to lose hope.

"Me too. I'd kill for an espresso," Natalie agrees, softly rubbing her hand over her growing bump.

"I thought you couldn't have caffeine cause of the baby," Richie mentions, remembering Tiff's time while pregnant.

"I don't need you to fuckin' tell me what I can or can't eat, Richie," Natalie yells, glaring at him. Although he's right, the doctor told her to limit her caffeine intake. Hard to do when she's up all night thinking about everything she needs to do for The Bear.

"Shit. I'm sorry for fucking caring," Richie screams back, lifting his hands up in defense.

"I can go to the coffee place down the block. Get everyone something," Carmy pipes up, looking forward to seeing you today.

Natalie is quick to shoot that idea down, "You can't. The fridge guy is coming in 20 minutes."

"Fuck, that's right," Carmy groans, digging his head in his hands. His fingers rake through his hair, messing up his curls. He wanted to see you and talk to you, even if it was for five short minutes.

"I'll go," Sydney sighs. She needs to leave the kitchen for more than five minutes, or she'll go crazy, "Just tell me what you guys want to order."

Natalie grumbles about getting decaf, Richie orders a plain black coffee, and Carmy asks for his americano. As Sydney leaves to ask Marcus, Carmy yells after her, "Please, go to Bee Hive. If you get Starbucks, I'm gonna fucking lose it."

Richie and Natalie exchange a look. Richie because he's confused, and Natalie because she knows something is happening with Carmy. He's never been picky over coffee. In fact, they have an old coffee machine in the office that now goes unused because he's always at that coffee shop.

"Sorry, I didn't get the fuckin' memo. Since when is Starbucks bad?" Richie frowns, looking to get a rise out of Carmy.

"I don't think it's about the coffee, cousin," Natalie responds, directing her gaze towards her brother, who is hunched over the counters, chopping vegetables.

"If it's not about the coffee, what is it about?" Richie questions, crossing his arms.

"Shut the fuck up, Sugar," Carmy grumbles, looking at his sister with a glare. He already knows where she's going. She tried to bring it up a couple of days ago after she walked by the coffee shop and saw him being friendly with you.

Natalie smiles and responds, "Carmy has a crush on the barista."

"That's ridiculous. I don't have a crush on her." Carmy shakes his head, avoiding Richie and Natalie's eyes on him. They always do this. They gang up on him if he shows even the slightest interest in a girl. They think they can help, but all they do is embarrass him.

"Come on, Bear. Why else would you go almost every day to get coffee?" Natalie asks, giving him a look.

"Because it's good fuckin' coffee. Jesus, it's not that deep." Carmy grabs the veggies he chopped and drops them into a container to use later.

"It's okay to admit you like a pretty girl, cousin! I'm excited for you! Makes you human and not a lonely hermit," Richie jokes, pushing on Carmy's buttons. "When was the last time you got laid?"

"I swear to God, Richie. Shut the fuck up," Carmy points at him angrily.

"No, I should go with Sydney and see who this girl is!" Richie says, walking out of the half-built kitchen.

Carmy follows him instantly, "You're not going fuckin' anywhere, fuckin' jagoff." He's turning red from anger, seeing Richie with his mocking smile. Natalie follows behind them, amused at the situation. It reminds her of the banters they used to get in with Mickey.

"Admit that you like her," Richie shrugs, giving him a choice.

"No, I won't," Carmy refuses. "You always do this shit."

"Then, I'm going," Richie nods, stepping towards the door.

"Fuck! Shit, alright. I like her, okay? Don't fucking go anywhere," Carmy yells, rubbing a hand on his face out of frustration. It's like he's not allowed to keep anything good to himself.

"Was that so hard?" Richie grins, clapping a hand on Carmy's shoulder.

"Don't fuckin' touch me," Carmy grumbles, walking back to the kitchen. Natalie follows him with a smile, shaking her head at Richie.

Carmy sighs and squeezes his eyes shut. He has yet to admit that he likes you more than he should. He's been avoiding it, afraid of what it might lead to, or rather, what it might not.

He couldn't let Richie go see you. He has a big fuckin' mouth and will tell you Carmy has a crush on you whether it's true or not. Just like that, he feels the sour taste in his mouth, his heartburn making an appearance. Carmy should go look for his pepto before it gets worse.

Unaware of the argument back at The Bear, Sydney walks to Bee Hive. She's walked past many times but has yet to have the time to stop and try it out.

As she waits in line, she reads over the drinks menu. It's clear that it's been carefully curated. Starbucks has nothing on this menu. She can see why Carmy would prefer to come here instead.

When it's her turn to order, Sydney takes out her phone to recite everyone's drink order. She also points to a few pastries, thinking Marcus would like to try some of them and get inspiration. That and she knows Natalie will enjoy them as well.

You're sitting at a table close to the pickup counter. You often find yourself all over the store, ensuring everything goes smoothly. Sometimes, you stop to talk to your regulars and see how they're doing.

You notice Sydney struggling with all the cups she has to carry. It's proving difficult despite the to-go trays your barista put them in. Deciding to approach her, you ask, "Do you need help?"

"Oh, no. I'm fine, thanks," Sydney responds with a nervous smile. She's trying hard to grab everything, including the box with the pastries.

You continue watching her struggle because you know she needs help. You let her try and figure it out for one more minute before stepping in again when she almost drops two of the drinks, "Need some help now?"

"Yeah," Sydney sighs, "I guess I can leave one of the trays here, go to the restaurant, and come back for the rest," she speaks mostly to herself.

"Are you going far?"

"No, just the restaurant down the block," Sydney responds with a sigh, scratching her eyebrow as she tries to figure out the logistics of carrying the drinks. She could get a box to put everything in.

You perk up at her response. The only restaurant down the block is Carmen's. Could she work there? "Carmy's restaurant?"

"You know Carmy?" Sydney asks, tilting her head. Maybe Nat was right. Carmy spends his time here because of the woman in front of her.

"He comes here often. Anyway, I can go with you to help you out. It's not far, and I'd feel bad if your drinks got cold." You offer to help her out because you're a nice person. Not because you want a chance to see the curly-haired man you are developing feelings for.

"You really don't have to…"

"It's really not a problem," you press, grabbing one of the to-go trays and motioning for her to lead the way.

Sydney sighs in defeat and nods, "Thanks. I'm Sydney, by the way."

"I'm Honey," you smile, following her outside.

You chat all the way to the restaurant with Sydney. She reminds you of Carmy in some ways, so you can see why they are friends. Before arriving at the restaurant, Sydney apologizes in advance for any sort of mess there might be, including yelling.

As you near the building under renovation, your palms start to sweat. Maybe you shouldn't have come. You're showing up unannounced, and he's probably too busy to talk to you anyway. You can slip in and out without him noticing. That's the goal now.

You open the door for Sydney, letting her go through first, and quietly follow her into the restaurant. There's no time to escape, as all eyes are instantly on you.

Richie is arguing with Fak when he sees you walk in. He narrows his eyes as Carmy looks in your direction from the kitchen. With just one glance to Carmy's face, he knows who you're supposed to be.

"Guess I didn't have to go anywhere. She came to me," Richie whispers, rushing out the door.

"Shut the fuck up. Where are you going? Don't embarrass me!" Carmy whispers out to Richie unsuccessfully.

"Oh, you'll do that all by yourself," Richie throws over his shoulder.

"Honey, hey, what-what're you doing here?" Carmy speaks, not giving Richie a chance to open his big mouth. He stands between you and Richie, blocking him for the time being.

"Sydney needed help with the drinks," you answer nervously, averting your eyes.

"Oh, thanks for that. You didn't have to," Carmy approaches you and takes the drinks from your hands. His fingers brush with yours momentarily, causing you both to blush.

"I did, or else you probably wouldn't have anything to drink," you whisper to him.

Sydney, Fak, and Richie all watch the interaction amusedly. Richie has a big teasing grin on his face as he makes a plan in his head.

"Hi, I'm Richie! Carmy's cousin," he introduces himself, shoving Carmy to the side and shaking your hand enthusiastically. "I gotta say Carmen right here is obsessed with your coffee. He's banned us from getting Starbucks."

Carmy curses under his breath as Richie does precisely what he tells him not to. He has the urge to throw the coffee at him and run away.

"Is that right?" You ask, amused, looking over at Carmy with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh yeah," Richie answers for him as Carmy tries to find the right words to say. "Cousin, why don't you give the nice lady a tour of the place?"

"It's not done yet. Could be dangerous," Carmy hopelessly says with a gulp.

"Nonsense! You'll take care of her!" Richie insists. He takes the coffee from Carmy's hands and pushes him in your direction. "Go give her a tour."

Richie, Sydney, and Fak all disappear to the office to stay out of the way and try to snoop simultaneously. Fak sends Carmy a not-so-discreet thumbs-up that makes you giggle.

He's internally screaming at his so-called friends but is glad to see you. It was all he wanted before Sydney left to get their drinks. It's strange having you here at The Bear, though. He's so used to seeing you in your own space back at Bee Hive.

Trying to make things better, you say, "Sorry you've been roped into this. You probably have better things to do. I can go-"

Carmy doesn't let you finish. "No, stay. I want to show you around."

"Let's see what you got then, Berzatto," you grin, following him to the kitchen.

Carmy takes his time showing you The Bear. He wants you to stay. He wants to spend time with you but doesn't really know how to say it. So he takes it slow, answers your questions about the restaurant, shows you the front and how everything will be laid out, and introduces you to the ones around, including the fridge guy working on the handle.

Sadly, you get a call from Bee Hive asking you to come back. Carmy walks you outside, dreading having to say goodbye.

"I'm really excited for The Bear to open. You have a great place and team," you tell Carmy.

"I really got lucky with them, huh?" He asks, playing with a dish towel.

"I gotta go. I'll see you later, Berzatto." You don't know where you got the guts to lean towards him and kiss his cheek.

Carmy stays still as his face heats up. You start walking away and throw him a smile over your shoulder. When you're a distance away, he touches the cheek you kissed. Back inside, Richie runs over to Sugar to tell her what he just witnessed.

It's late when Carmy leaves The Bear. As he walks to the train station, he has his hands stuffed in his jacket pocket. On his way, he sees a lone light turned on in your café. Crossing the street to check it out, he sees you're still there with glasses perched on your nose in front of the computer.

He tries the door, and to his luck, it's open. You look in his direction, startled, but relax once you see it's him.

"Nice glasses," Carmy teases, pulling out a chair to sit.

"Are you making fun of me?" You purse your lips, propping your chin on your palm.

"No, I…I think you look cute with them," Carmy admits. After a stern talk from Sugar and Richie, he's realized he should probably make a proper move on you because if what they say is true, you also have a crush on him.

"Thanks," you blush, the light from your screen making it obvious to Carmy, who can't stop the corners of his lips from turning up into a smile.

"Late night?"

"One of my baristas is moving out of state. I have to find someone new, preferably who has experience," you say with a sigh. Glancing at him, you add, "Are you perhaps interested in the position?"

"Poaching me from my own restaurant, nice. I'll let you know I'm an excellent worker," Carmy jokes, tapping his fingers on the table.

There's no doubt in your mind he's an excellent worker. He has to be if he's considered one of the best up-and-coming chefs. Or to work in one of the best restaurants in the world with three Michelin stars.

"I don't know. I'll need references," you speak as if not believing him.

Carmy smiles and softly chuckles, "Fair enough."

There's a moment of silence between the two of you that Carmy is quick to fill, "So, uh, have you had dinner yet by chance?" This is it.

You shake your head no and look at him with hopeful eyes.

"Wanna go grab pizza? I know a place," he asks, finding your gaze on him.

"Say no more," you say, closing your laptop and taking off your glasses. "I'm starving."

Carmy waits for you to lock Bee Hive and grab your things. Then, you both walk to the pizza place. To pass the time, you and Carmy talk about your days and anything that comes to mind. Nothing serious as you get to know each other.

Waiting in line to order the pizza, you tell him all about your nickname and how you were donned 'Honey' to everyone who knows you. In return, he tells you about his nickname 'Bear' and why his restaurant is named as such. For the first time, he dares mention Mickey.

"Best pizza in Chicago," Carmy says, taking a slice of the pie and placing it on your plate.

"I'll see about that," you murmur. You wait until he has a slice of his own and dig in simultaneously.

"It's good, but this is not the best pizza place in Chicago," you say after chewing the first bite, "I'm gonna get your chef license revoked."

"Are you? With what proof? Have you tried all the pizza places to know?"

"I don't have to because I've tried the best," you hum, taking another bite. The cheese stretches as you pull it away.

"Oh yeah? Which one?" Carmy questions you, taking a drink of his beer.

"Mine. The pizza I make is the best," you shrug modestly.

"Wait. You cook?" Carmy asks, giving you a look of surprise.

Cooking is a universal thing. Most people know how to cook up to a degree, yet only some are as confident in their skills as you are. You know you're definitely not up to Carmy's level, but if there is something you know how to do properly, it's pizza.

"Yeah! You're not the only good cook here, Berzatto," you sass back at him, dipping the pizza crust in the marinara sauce.

"Sorry for assuming," he raises his palms.

"You're forgiven," you chirp.

"When will I try this famous pizza of yours then?" Carmy wonders. An attempt to see if you'd like to see more of him.

"I promise I'll make it for you once you open The Bear. You're too stressed to fully enjoy it now," you respond. You were reaching out. Throwing hints that you want this to continue in the foreseeable future.

The conversation continues to flow with an empty pizza box in front of you. Customers come and go until it's only the two of you and a drunk customer picking up his pizza.

"Tell me about your tattoos. Were they an act of rebellion or something else?"

It's an excuse to touch his hands. You reach for them, turning them to see the black ink on his hands and fingers. You gently trace over them with the pads of your fingers. Over the hand that's stabbed, the letters S.O.U. on his knuckles and the forget-me-nots. The one you're dying to touch, though, is the one on his bicep; you'd give anything to feel the hard muscle underneath the rolled-up sleeves of his white t-shirt.

"Uh, my first tattoo is the 773. Got it when I left Chicago for the first time. After that, I sort of became addicted to them. I found they helped my anxiety when it was becoming too much. The pain distracted me and made me feel stronger than I actually was," he says, letting you touch him. He finds that he likes it. Your touch is soft and warm. Comforting.

"So what you're trying to say is you're a masochist," you say, bouncing your eyebrows at him. Your touch goes further up his arm to turn it and look at the fish tattoo on his forearm.

"I guess so," Carmy responds with a breathy laugh, "Do you have any tattoos?"

"Maybe…" You shrug as the pads of your fingers trail back down to his palm until you pull them back towards you. Carmy instantly misses the feeling, opting to cross his arms to retain the warmth you left behind.

"It's bad, isn't it?" He says knowingly. Your reaction told him everything he needed to know.

"The worst," you grimace, shaking your head at the memory of you getting it.

"So, rebellion or something else?"

"Rebellion. For all the wrong reasons," you groan, burying your face in your hands, "Growing up, everyone saw me as a good girl because that's what I was. Breaking the rules terrified me. So, as a teenager, I didn't want to be seen as a goody two shoes, so the summer before I went to college, I decided that getting a tattoo would make me a badass."

"Did it work?"

"God, no. I only got the outline done 'cause it hurt like a bitch. Then I went crying to my parents, fully having a meltdown, apologizing for disappointing them," You scrunch your nose as you say the following words, "They laughed in my face, called me a wimp, and told me to suck it up."

Carmy fully laughs at your story. Head thrown back, eyes closing, "What did you get?"

"That's a secret, Berzatto," you purse your lips, avoiding responding. You just know he'll make fun of you for it.

Everyone who has seen your tattoo has made fun of you for it, yourself included. It's so silly and not badass. Carmy will have to wait to see your tattoo, and you hope this continues so he can see it up close.

"Really? That bad?" Carmy stares wide-eyed.

"It's terrible," you nod, leaning on the table. "We should probably get going before the waitress throws a fit."

Carmy looks over his shoulder to see the waitress glaring at them. It's five minutes till close, and they've made no move to go. He turns back to you and nods towards the door. Carmy helps you with your jacket and leaves a tip on the jar for the waitress. At that, she happily calls after them with a 'Good night!'

"Do you live far?" Carmy asks, seeing how dark it is now that most places have closed. There are too many lamp posts that aren't working. He'd feel better if he could walk you home or you called an Uber. Preferably the former.

"Only a couple of blocks away. Why?"

"It's late. Let me walk you home," Carmy says decidedly, not giving you much of a choice.

"Thanks," you respond with a small smile.

The pace you set is slow. You don't want your time with Carmy to end just yet. He's such an interesting and sweet guy. He's a little awkward, but it adds to his charm, and you can see he's trying.

Somewhere along the way, his hand brushes against yours briefly. Then, it happens again, and you decide to bite the bullet. You grasp his hand in yours.

"Is this okay?" You ask when he falls silent.

Carmy doesn't have a lot of experience with girls. He can't even remember the last time he held a girl's hand. All he knows is he doesn't remember ever feeling this good. "Yes, uh, this is okay."

Carmy walks you up to your front door when you reach your house. You unlock the door but stay outside face-to-face with Carmy.

"Thanks for the pizza," you say, fiddling with your fingers. You were about to make one more move for the night. Because as long as Carmy allows you, you'll keep pushing for more.

"Sorry, it wasn't the best," he retorts, rubbing his jaw with his hand. You notice he does that a lot when nervous.

"Your company made up for it," you reassure him, "g'night Carmy." You kiss his cheek goodbye, watching as his cheeks blush.

"Night," he whispers.

As you turn to leave, Carmy stops you by grabbing your wrist, "Wait-uh, can I? Uh-shit. Fuck it." For a second, Carmy shuts out the excessive thoughts in his head and does what he's been dying to do for weeks.

Carmy cups your jaw and kisses you. It's soft and slow. He gives you enough leeway to pull away if it's something you don't want, but you reciprocate eagerly. You've been waiting for this all night.

As confidence surges through his body, Carmy throws an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. You wrap your arms around him, one of your hands resting on his neck, tangling on his curls. The tug of your fingers feels like heaven.

The kiss turns needy and desperate, your lips moving perfectly in sync. His tongue brushes over your lip; Carmy has been dying to test a theory. Are you as sweet as your name?

He's rewarded by a little noise in the back of your throat as he slips his tongue into your mouth. It's endearing, and he finds a way to make you do it again. With heads tilting to deepen the kiss, he concludes he was right. You're pure honey. Sweet and addicting.

When Carmy returns to his apartment, he gets the urge to create, to cook. He wants to bring your taste to life with his cooking. Something with honey.

"I was wondering if you'd want to come to the restaurant for Family and Friends."

You and Carmy are in your little office at Bee Hive. He stands between your legs as you sit on the desk. His lips are slightly red and swollen, and the hair at the nape of his neck is messier than usual.

"Hm, I could be persuaded," you pretend to think as you play with the golden chain around his neck, pulling him towards you.

"Yeah?" Carmy laughs, leaning to brush his lips against yours. When he feels you nod, he closes the small gap between the two of you.

His hands hold your hips, pulling you impossibly closer. He tastes like coffee, which is to be expected from the discarded cup beside you. It's funny how your relationship, if it could be called that, has moved all around Bee Hive from the register to the front and now to your office.

You're at a weird spot where you're not exactly friends because friends don't kiss, but you're not a couple either. It's a situationship for sure. You're content with what you have now, although you'd also love it if Carmy were to ask you to be more. You pin it on him being shy. He'll get around to it.

"What do you say?" Carmy questions as he kisses a trail from your cheek to your jaw.

"Consider me in," you giggle when he kisses a tickly spot.

Carmy brushes a strand of hair out of your face, remaining close to you. This is what he needs. After months of stress and anxiety of having to deal with The Beef, now The Bear, he needed you and your calming presence. Someone removed from the chaos, a safe haven.

He's quiet as his thoughts consume him, and you take the intimate position to fix his gold chain. Turning it so the clasp faces the back instead of the front. "I'm excited, Carmy," you say with a smile, brushing his cheek with your thumb.

"You can bring someone with you," Carmy offers nervously because he realizes he probably won't have the time to spend much time with you. "I-I don't think I'll be around much. I'm sorry. I'd understand if that makes you change your mind," Carmy drops his head as he braces himself for disappointment.

As the weeks pass, you learn more about Carmy and his insecurities. It doesn't deter you from wanting to be with him. Everyone has their issues. "Berzatto, stop. Look at me," you softly divert his attention, "I'd love to go and support you even if it's from the sidelines."

"You sure?" He asks once more.

If reassurance is what he needs, that's what you'll give. "Don't worry about me. This is your moment, Carmy. Enjoy it. I'll be around afterward."

"Thank you for understanding," Carmy responds, stealing one more kiss from you.

When he returns to The Bear, he helps Sydney prep the dishes they finally chose to serve. He notes how everything is laid out and anything they should fix before opening.

Richie struts into the kitchen with a suit on. Apparently, it's his thing now. Carmy figures staging at Chef Terry's restaurant had a good impact on him. All Carmy wanted was to show Richie he had what it takes. That he's not a fuck up.

"Glad to see things are going well with Honey," Richie thunders.

"What are you talking about?" Carmy says in a rush as he plates the lamb expertly.

"That thing on your neck," Richie says, motioning to his own neck. He has a smug look on his face.

"I don't have time for this, cousin," Carmy grumbles, wiping the plate where the sauce might've splattered.

Groaning, Richie grabs one of the new pans and holds it in front of Carmy. "I don't see anything," he frowns, looking at Richie for an explanation.

"Right here," Richie points towards the edge of his t-shirt around his neck.

Carmy pulls it back and finally spots what Richie has been referring to. There is a fading purple bruise on his skin, a hickey. You must've done it when he was back in your office. He'd been too busy touching you to notice.

Sydney, silently watching, pipes up, "No wonder he hasn't been as on edge lately." Carmy shoots her a glare, which causes her to shrug and laugh with a, "What? It's true."

"Ay, yo, Sugar, get in here!" Richie yells down the hall to the office.

"What is it?" Natalie barges in, afraid something went to shit.

Carmy ignores Richie as he babbles to Natalie what he found. His face is red, though, as Sydney nudges his side.

"That's enough about me. We have shit to do," Carmy shouts in his chef's voice.

Everyone in the kitchen, including Richie and Natalie, repeats, "Yes, chef!"

Walking out of the kitchen Richie, 'whispers' to Natalie, "I've always wondered if he likes to be called chef in bed."

"Fuck off, Richie," Natalie glares, but then it falls, and it's replaced with a teasing grin, "He definitely does."

"I heard that! Don't you two have better things to do?" Carmy screams at them.

"Yes, chef!"

Carmy keeps hearing Cicero's 'Uh-oh' throughout the whole day. He understands Cicero, he really does, but to call you a distraction?

His work with The Bear is only starting. They managed to make it to Friends and Family. Now, they have to keep up their best work to fill up the restaurant daily and have a waiting list. His work is far from done. He should listen to Cicero.

Cicero said it with the best of intentions. He doesn't want the Berzatto siblings to fail. He wants to believe they'll succeed and, most importantly, get him his money.

If there is something Cicero has learned throughout the years, it is that girls are distractions. They mean well, but oftentimes, they keep your eyes off the ball. Especially when it's a new relationship like Carmy's. Ultimately, it's up to Carmy to decide what he wants to do. Cicero has played his part by giving him his advice.

One last delivery is made to the restaurant an hour before opening. Richie is the one to receive it and place it in front of Carmy. "She's a keeper, Cousin," he says with a pointed look and a nod. He also wants the best for Carmy, and yet it doesn't align with Cicero.

You knew Carmy would be too stressed and all over the place to eat or drink, so you sent everyone at The Bear a drink and a pastry. One of the cups has Carmen's name with a little heart and 'good luck' written on it.

"Yeah, she is," Carmy sighs, turning the cup in his hands to look at the message. His thumb brushes over your handwriting longingly. Is listening to Cicero the wise thing to do? He's one of the most successful men he knows in his family.

When it's 10 minutes till open, Carmy changes into his uniform and looks in the mirror. His heart is racing, begging for Friends and Family not to be a complete failure. Walking out of the bathroom, Carmy is a man on a mission.

It starts relatively well, but like everything in Carmy's life, the kitchen starts welcoming in the chaos.

They are too slow getting the orders out, which causes Sydney to start doubting herself and asking Carmy to step in. He reassures her she's doing good. They just have to keep up the pace.

Then, one of the new chefs disappears mid-rush. Forcing Tina to work two stations and Marcus to step out of his to help Sydney. Carmy ignores some weird tension between them as he works on ensuring the dishes are good to go.

Next thing he knows, Sugar is rushing into the kitchen, yelling at him about forks. It's wasted time, as he can't do anything about it. A shrill reverberates inside his head as he looks at the ticking clock. It's enough to give him a headache.

With no one to take a dish to its table, Carmy takes it upon himself to do it. There's no time to re-fire or wait for someone. He places it on their table and pours the tea into their cups before retreating with an 'enjoy.'

He looks at his restaurant, and suddenly, the ringing in his head gets louder. Sitting in a booth is his old boss, staring back at him like he did back in New York. Like he was waiting for Carmy to fail.

His voice echoes in Carmy's head. Why are you so fuckin' slow. Hurry up. Go faster motherfucker. Talentless piece of shit.

Right before Carmy spirals, it all goes away. His focus shifts entirely as he sees you taking your seat for the night. The one he chose because he'd be able to see you from the kitchen. You have successfully blocked the mirage he'd conjured up.

You're there with your brother as Richie talks you up, thanking you for coming. As if sensing him, your eyes lock with Carmys. Shyly, you send him a wave, which he returns, thanking you in his head for getting there at the perfect time.

Carmy ducks back to the kitchen with newfound energy. Richie enters shortly after him.

"Chef, your girl is here."

"Thanks, Chef, um, do you have the notepad?" Carmy asks as he continues cleaning dishes and making sure each one is up to par.

"Here you go."

Taking the notepad from Richie, he begins scribbling. I love- No, too fuckin' soon. Thank you for- Nope, it's too stale.

I'm happy you're here, Honey. Wait for me after you're done? -Bear

"Here," Carmy hands it to him without even looking at Richie.

"Keep up the good work, Chefs," Richie yells out to the room before disappearing to the front of the house. The door swinging shut behind him.

"Yes, Chef!"

Something isn't working in the kitchen. They're too backed up, and no matter how hard they try, they're always a tad too slow. Through Sydney surrounding the wheel to Richie, Carmy steals glances out the kitchen window. You're smiling at whatever your brother says, your lips sipping the wine he chose. Carmy can get through this night because, in the end, you'll be waiting for him.

"There he is," you sing as you spot Carmy walking out of the kitchen. The chef's whites back in his locker as he sports his white t-shirt, jeans, and jacket.

Fak, who kept you company while Carmy finished up, speaks up next, "My brother, I'm gonna grab a sandwich and head home. Honey, it was a pleasure meeting you."

"You too, Neil!"

"Thanks for everything," Carmy tells him, giving him a hug and a pat like dudes do.

Carmy turns and grabs your hand to pull you close and kiss your cheek. "What did you think?"

"It was the most delicious thing I've ever tasted," you tell him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

There's a reason Carmy has had so many accolades despite his young age. He has a gift in the kitchen. The moment his food touched your taste buds, your life changed. He and Sydney outdid themselves, and the way everything flowed showed how much work they put into the restaurant.

"You're exaggerating," Carmy modestly says, his arms wrapping around your waist.

"I'm really not," you shake your head, pursing your lips. Carmy can't resist placing a small peck on your red-painted lips.

"What about your famous pizza?"

"No, it might be the best pizza in Chicago, but whatever I ate today topped it," you smile at him, scrunching your nose. "Consider your chef's license reinstated,"

"Thanks," Carmy laughs breathily, "Do you mind if we walk? I feel some of the rush still."

"Lead the way, Mr. Berzatto."

Carmy grabs your hand, leading you to the streets of Chicago. It's silent momentarily as the wind cools Carmy's heated face. He places his hand along with yours into his pocket.

"Did your brother like it?" He asks, breaking the ice.

"Oh yeah. I'm officially like the best sister ever," you respond, squeezing his hand.

You had accidentally forgotten that your brother had passed the Bar exam. So, you didn't have time to get him anything in celebration. You figured dinner at a lovely new restaurant would help while you got him a proper present.

"How did you feel throughout, though? It looked intense." You often found yourself looking through the small glass window into the kitchen. They were always on the move, looking for the next thing to do.

"It didn't just look like it. I'm used to it, though," Carmy admits with a sniff. Everyone's best and worst habits shone through for those couple of hours. It's an environment he's all too familiar with, in and out of the kitchen.

"That rough," you grimace.

"It's fine. We have a lot to work on, but it's a start, and it wasn't entirely terrible," Carmy says, thinking back on tonight. Before coming out to meet you, he wrote down a couple of things to go through with Sugar and Sydney.

"Good, 'cause I hope The Bear sticks around the block," you say, bumping your shoulder with his.

You invite Carmy into your house when you arrive. He takes up your offer, holding your hand to help you balance as you take your heels off. It reminds Carmy he forgot to mention how beautiful you looked today.

He follows you to the kitchen, watching your hips sway and your dress skirt swishing. Padding to the wine fridge, you pick out a bottle of red to celebrate.

Carmy indulges in looking at your legs as you stretch up to reach for the glasses of wine up in your cabinets. His blue eyes darken as your dress hikes up, exposing your pretty thighs.

His gaze darts back up at you when you turn around to place the glasses on the kitchen counter. You hand him the wine opener so he can do the honors because you suck at taking the cork out. It's why you mainly stick to cheaper wines with twist-off caps.

"Here is to The Bear and its amazing owner," you say, lifting your glass in front of you.

"Here's to not fuckin' it up entirely," Carmy follows, making you giggle. Your wine glasses clink, and you take a drink.

Placing the glass back down, Carmy pins you against the counter, his strong hands resting on the edge of it. You look at him through your lashes, a hand coming up to his chest to feel the steady thumping of his heart.

"You look beautiful. I like the dress," Carmy murmurs. It's better late than never.

The dress you wear is a pretty shade of light blue. Simple yet dressy. The neckline gives him a good view of your cleavage and has long sleeves to compensate for the shorter length. They currently cover the goosebumps lining your skin.

"Yeah? I picked it out thinking you might," you reveal, biting your lip. The shade reminded you of his eyes.

"You were right," he whispers, cupping your jaw. As pretty as the dress is, he's sure it'll look so much better on the floor.

Carmy closes his eyes as he leans down to kiss you. He's always struggled with words, so he hopes it's enough for you to catch what he's trying to say.

You smile into the kiss, blindly leaving your glass to the side to be able to touch him. Your palm presses against his chest and taut abdomen. He hides a nice amount of muscle under his t-shirts, a pleasant surprise.

Carmy easily lifts you up to sit down on the kitchen island. He steps between your legs, never breaking the heated kiss. The hands on your waist trail down to your thighs and under your dress. Carmy's tattooed hands squeeze your ass and thighs, earning him a moan from you.

This is the farthest you've ever gotten, and you're more than ready to have all of him. Carmy knows this, which leads to his thoughts getting out of control.

He has to make a decision now. Does he allow himself to be with you, or does he remain by himself like always? Richie's, Sugar's, Cicero's, and Sydney's voices all shout at him different things. Some are in favor, and others are in opposition. 'Uh oh.'

He can't lead you on and sleep with you if he will back out tomorrow. The voices become deafening in an instant, ripping him away from your embrace. His emotions bubbled over and spilled all over the place.

"Wait, stop, I just-" Carmy breathes heavily, taking a couple of steps back from you. Carmy's hand comes up to his forehead as he attempts to organize his thoughts.

"What's wrong?" You ask worriedly. Did you do something wrong?

Carmen's thoughts spill out his mouth without making much sense as he paces in your kitchen. "I can't stop thinking about it and owe it to my team..."

"Carm?" You slide off the kitchen counter, approaching him slowly.

"-keeps saying it's a distraction," he rambles mostly to himself. His heart is pounding painfully in his chest. If he didn't know any better, he'd think he was having a heart attack.

"Hey, hey, hey. What's a distraction?" Softly, you grab onto his arms, stopping him in his tracks, trying to find his lost gaze.

"You. Whatever this is," Carmy breathes, finally meeting your eyes, which he instantly regrets as your eyes turn sad.

The watering of your eyes is unintentional, as is the knot forming in your throat. "You think I'm distracting you?" You question barely above a whisper.

His response is instant, "Fuck, no, the opposite. W-When I'm with you or-or think about you, things get clearer, and it's-it's when I feel the most focused." Carmy holds your shoulders, comforting you because he never meant to hurt you. He can't stand the sad look in your eyes.

Slowly, you begin to piece together his rambling and conclude that other people have been telling him you're a distraction. You wonder if they don't want him to be happy. The Bear is the center of Carmy's life, and before that, it was the restaurant in New York. He deserves more than this crazy job.

"Then fuck what others tell you, Carmen. You deserve to have a life outside The Bear." Maybe you're selfish because you don't want to lose him, but you hope he believes your words.

"I-I don't. I don't deserve all your attention or your affection. I'm nothing special. I don't deserve you." Carmy says, shaking his head with furrowed brows.

Weeks ago, he had no source of enjoyment. He said it himself at the support group. Now, he has you, yet he can't bear the thought of you wanting to be with him. He feels like he's tricking you into a bad deal. That's what he is, though, isn't he? An overachieving fuck up with tons upon tons of baggage.

Carmen Berzatto is an anxious person with too many problems in his life. He has a fucked up family. His mother is a mentally unstable alcoholic. His brother was addicted to painkillers and decided that shooting himself on a bridge was better than living this life. That's without mentioning all the trauma he has from his job and the terrible people he's worked with.

What good does he have to offer you?

"Yes, you do," you reassure him, placing your hands on his cheeks. The cool metal of your rings soothes him somewhat, grounding him. "You deserve all that and more, Carmy. You're so sweet and kind and hard-working. You've been through shit. You deserve something good in life. Maybe it's me, or maybe it's not, but don't close yourself off."

You're begging at this point. Whatever this relationship is, it's just starting. He's not giving himself a chance. You like Carmy so damn much. He's funny without knowing it and thoughtful, too. There are so many qualities he doesn't realize he has.

His eyes watch you as tears line them. He's silently pleading for you to convince him. To get him out of his own head and forget the expectations others have on him.

"I'm not going to force you into anything, Carm. It's your call, but I've enjoyed our last couple of months together. I know we don't know each other completely, but I want to know everything about you. I have feelings for you, so whatever you decide, I'll support it."

Being honest is all you can do at this point. You pour your heart out and hope Carmy chooses you.

You and Carmy stand in the middle of your kitchen. Face to face, reaching out towards each other. It's clear as day that you want the same thing. It's only a matter of taking the right steps now.

"I can't let you go," Carmy responds, grabbing the hand on his cheek. His thumb brushes over the back of it.

"Then don't."

Carmy's decision is made. Without another thought, he smashes his lips against yours. He grabs the back of your neck, tilting your head to meet his heated kiss.

It's more intense now that the cards are on the table. Nothing to hold him back.

Tongues clash together as your bodies seek each other out. The temperature rises when Carmy lifts you up to wrap your legs around his hips. His hands are on the back of your thighs, holding tight onto you.

"Bedroom?" He asks, breaking the kiss, a trail of saliva between the two of you.

"Down the hallway," you breathe heavily, kissing down his neck.

Carmy makes it to the bedroom, opening the door with a bang. He spots your bed, placing you in the middle with him holding himself up on top of you.

He watches as your back meets the bed and your fair fans around you like a halo. The curvature of your breasts accentuated even more from the position.

Carmy hikes your leg further up his hips as he dips down to kiss a wet trail down to the neckline of your dress. He leaves open-mouthed kisses on the rounded flesh, nipping at the skin playfully when you arch your back to push more into him.

"Carmy," you breathe, cupping his jaw to pull him back to your lips. Grinding your hips, you manage to graze against his bulge.

"Shit," Carmy shakily curses, thrusting his hips to meet your touch once more.

Curiously, your hands wander across his body. Carmy's moans in your ear make your panties wetter than they already are.

You grasp the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and off. You're desperate to have him, your cunt aches for him. Your nails scratch down his firm stomach when he bites into your earlobe, softly calling your name.

"Unzip me," you pant, pushing him away and pulling your hair off to the side.

Carmy grabs the small zipper, pushing it down and exposing your pretty skin. As he slides the fabric off of you, he kisses your shoulders and back, taking note of the goosebumps on your skin.

His mind is in the present, and nothing can take it away from him. It's like a switch he managed to turn off in his brain. No more family drama, no more The Bear. It's just you...and him. Honey and Bear.

You stretch your neck to the side, giving Carmy more space to pepper kisses across the delicate skin. The dress pooling at your feet exposes your chest, and Carmy's hands come up from behind you. His fingers shyly brush up your stomach, tickling you, until they find your breasts.

He draws a moan from you as he squeezes them in his palms, pushing you back to meet his chest; turning your head to the side, you find his lips.

The kiss breaks when he slides one of his hands into your underwear, dipping his finger to feel your wetness. Your arm reaches back to dig your fist in his curls.

"You're soaked, Honey," he moans, finding your clit to tease it.

"Been waiting for so long, Carmy," you whine as your hips stutter along with the flicks of his wrist.

"I'm sorry. I'm here now," he purrs into your ear.

Carmy can hear the distinct 'shlick, shlick, shlick' of his fingers against your clit. It spurs him on as he slips a finger into you. He can't wait to have his cock inside of you, snug and warm.

"Oh my god, Carmen," you gasp when he prods another finger into your entrance. Hanging onto his arm across your chest, you roll your hips against his fingers.

"I got you," he says, digging his fingers deeper into you and curling them.

Your knees buckle as the tips of his fingers curl and hit your g spot repeatedly. If it weren't for him, you'd be on the floor. With your tummy tensing under the weight of the pleasure, you stutter out, "I'm gonna cum."

Carmy's hand is wet from your juices as he ups the ante. Just as your walls begin to squeeze around his fingers, he pulls them out to circle around your clit.

"Oh, f-fuck!" You squeal, throwing your head back onto his shoulder.

The way your clit softly twitches under the pads of his fingers fucks with Carmy. It makes his cock throb and leak into his jeans.

Untangling from his embrace, you place a breathless kiss on Carmy's lips. His slick digits dig into your hips as he prolongs it.

Blindly, you find the edge of his jeans and unbutton them. If Carmy notices, he doesn't say anything. You want to give him one more reason to stay with you.

He moans into your mouth when you grasp his length through his boxers. He's rock hard as he desperately ruts against your hand.

With your hold still on him, you push him to sit on the bed. Carmy looks up at you lustfully. You plant a single short kiss on his lips before kneeling on the floor between his legs. You leave love bites down his chest while looking up at him through your lashes.

Carmy brushes away any hair that falls on your face, his blue eyes focused solely on you. When you reach the waistband of his pants, you pull them down along with his underwear.

His length pops up from its confines, slapping against his tummy. Its tip is a pretty pink shade, with a thick length and a slight curve to it. You salivate instantly at the sight of it.

Carmy's nervous under you. It's been a long since he's been with someone else, and he's never been the most confident.

"Relax," you say teasingly, kissing around his lower tummy to calm him.

Finally, your hand wraps around his cock, lightly pumping it. Leaving sloppy kisses down his happy trail, you feel Carmy's stomach taut in anticipation.

It's been so fuckin' long.

With your eyes staring into his hungry ones, you kiss the pink head that glistens with pre, teasingly brushing it against your lips. Keeping eye contact, you lick his length from base to tip. You alternate between kissing and licking for a minute, enjoying watching Carmy squirm.

"Fuck, Honey," Carmy throws his head back at your torturous pace.

"Look at me," you sweetly say.

Taking mercy on him, you part your lips to take his length into your warm, wet mouth, bobbing your head to a steady rhythm. Prying one of Carmy's hands from the bedsheets, you place it in your hair, encouraging him to use you.

"Good girl," he moans, fisting your hair to force you to take more of his cock. You let your hands rest on his thighs, feeling the strong muscles underneath.

Carmen observes you with hooded eyes as you hollow your cheeks, sucking him expertly. He's obsessed with how your lips leave behind a tinge of red lipstick on his skin.

"Shit-Fuck me," he yells into the room when you swallow around him.

You want him to cum, but Carmy has other plans. He doesn't think he'll last long if you make him cum now, so after the stunt you pulled, he pulls you off his sensitive cock.

The sight in front of him is erotic as a string of saliva connects you to his cock. The tears lining your eyes and blushed nose add to that pretty picture.

"c'me 'ere," he says, helping you up and kissing you as he leads you back to the bed. He tugs off your wet panties, throwing them somewhere in the room.

You lay back on your pillows with Carmy slotted between your legs. It's torture having him so close and yet so far. Now that you've gotten a taste of his cock you need more.

Carmy touches the inside of your thighs, inching his way closer to your cunt. He instantly notices how fuckin' wet you are. You're dripping even more than before.

"Sucking me off, got you this wet, princess?" He asks, leaning his forehead against yours.

"Mhm, Carmy, wish you would've cum in my mouth," you admit, tilting your head up to brush your lips against his.

"You have such a dirty fuckin' mouth," he chuckles darkly.

Where did this side of you come from? You're usually so sweet and delicate. He should've known you would be a freak in bed. To think he almost let this all go.

"Carmen, please."

"Please, what?" Carmen teases, lining his cock against your opening, wetting his cock.

"Fuck me," you moan, kissing his jaw.

"'m gonna fuck you good, princess," he promises, with a shaky nod before he remembers, "Fuck! I-I don't have a condom with me."

"I should have some in my drawer," you mention breathlessly.

Carmy opens the condom in record time but is surprised when you take it from his hands and roll it down his shaft yourself. You just want an excuse to keep touching him.

With your leg hiked up, he aligns himself and slowly pushes in. You both gasp at the sensation. Carmy, for one, is trying to not bust a nut so soon because you're so tight and warm.

Meanwhile, you hold onto Carmy's back as he stretches you out. It's been so long, and your toys aren't nearly as thick as him. You breathily moan in his ear, which he takes as a good sign as he begins thrusting more forcefully and deeper.

Carmy hopes this isn't a dream, and if it is, he hopes he doesn't wake up anytime soon. He has one hand holding onto your thigh and the other holding himself up. His gold chain dangles above you as he picks his head up from its spot on your shoulder. You take the chance to tug on it, returning his attention to your lips.

"You feel so fuckin' good, princess," Carmy groans, squeezing your thigh.

"I love your cock, Carmy," you whine, feeling the drag of his cock on your walls. The pleasure is all-consuming, leaving a fuzzy feeling in your brain.

"You like when I fuck you like this?"

"Yes, yes, yes, keep going."

His hips snap hard against yours, hitting that spot each and every time. His pelvis hitting your clit. He squeezes your thigh, hips, and sides before his hand squeezes your tits, too, playing with your nipples.

Suddenly, he straightens up, pulling you down the bed to have you flushed against his pelvis. He's a sight for sore eyes that forces you to keep your eyes open.

His thrusts are more forceful like this, where he digs his fingers into the fat of your hips to pull you towards him with each snap. It makes your tits bounce, hypnotizing him.

Through your lustful gaze, he looks like a marble statue. His chest glimmers under the lowlights of your room as sweat clings to him, his chain jumping against the blushed skin of his chest, and his fucking hair falling over his pretty eyes. The set of his jaw could've been sculpted by Michaelangelo himself.

Your hands indulgently reach down to touch him in any way you can. You can only reach his stomach, where a nice pair of abs appear due to the effort.

"You like what you see?" Carmy teases. He's entirely lost on you because otherwise, he wouldn't be as cocky to say that.

"You're so handsome," you pitifully say. Your brain not computing as it should, but how can it when it's being fucked out of you?

Carmy doesn't know how to respond. It's not often he's called handsome or looked at as lustfully as you're looking at him. Thankfully, he doesn't need to say much as your eyes roll back and you squeeze your walls around him.

"Carmy, I'm so close," you pant, trying to find any part of him to hold. He offers you his hand, lacing your fingers together.

"Just a little longer, princess," Carmy groans as you clench around him. "Fuck, don't do that to me."

He glances down at the spot where you and him meet to see a ring of white on the base of his cock. He's enthralled with the way you stretch to accommodate him and the way your pink walls drag along his length when he pulls out. Fuckin' beautiful.

Putting all his knowledge to use, he thumbs your clit, making you jolt. He needs you to cum now, or he won't make it. His balls feel like they're about to burst.

"Carmy," you cry out, tightening the hold on his hand.

You teeter on the edge for only a second until you cum, waves of pleasure washing over you. Carmy curses from above you as your tightening walls choke his cock, making him cum too. He stutters his hips a couple more times, riding out his orgasm.

He leans back down again, catching your lips in a small kiss. His body slowly relaxes against yours as his head rests on your neck, breathing in the scent of sweat and perfume.

"That was good," you breathe heavily, rubbing your hands up and down your back. You're just starting to think clearly.

"Fuckin' amazing," he adds.

There's a beat of silence before you both burst out laughing.

A bubble encases you, and it can't be popped as long as you stay in your bedroom. Carmy doesn't want to leave; it's late already, and in a couple of hours, he has to get up and go to The Bear to repeat the process.

For once, he forgets about that and focuses solely on you. He has a couple of hours to spare. Sleep is overrated.

You face each other on the bed, talking in hushed whispers. Your fingers trace the '773' tattoo on his bicep like you've always wanted to do. It tickles Carmy, so he grabs your hand and kisses your palm.

"Now that I'm thinking about it. I didn't see your tattoo," he whispers to prevent disturbing the peace.

Your face warms at his words. You had forgotten about that. He's seen a lot of you in the past couple of hours. What's a bit more of skin?

"You missed my big bad tattoo?" you joke, poking his nose.

"Show me," he says with a lopsided smile.

You make it dramatic, rolling your eyes and giving him a big sigh. Sitting up on the bed, you peel the bed sheets from your body. Carmy props himself up on his elbow in anticipation.

Right there, on your left side and under the curve of your breast is a small outline of Winnie the Pooh's face. Carmy touches it, biting his lip to hold back a laugh. Unsurprisingly, it's precisely what he expected from you.

A few chuckles pass his lips as he pulls you back into his arms.

"Don't laugh. It made sense at the time," you whine, covering yourself back up.

Carmy pulls you to his chest, kissing your temple, "I'm sure it does. Pooh Bear loves his Honey," Just like he does.

"Exactly! Someone gets it!"

And he does because Carmy, aka The Bear, is quickly falling for his Honey.

A couple of days later, Carmy is back at your house helping you prepare the famous pizza you promised him. He lets you take the lead on everything, preferring to follow your instructions rather than let his mind run wild. It's not like you'll let him do most of the work anyway; it's your recipe, and you're protective over it.

"Can you chop up the veggies?" You ask him as you lay down the dough in a pan.

"Yes, Chef," he nods, kissing your cheek as he digs through your kitchen drawers for a knife.

"Oh, I like the sound of that," you muse, shaking your shoulders as you knead the dough to spread it.

"Don't let it get to your head, Hun," Carmy smiles, slicing the vegetables expertly.

Cooking with Carmy is surprisingly easier than you thought. He's not controlling over the kitchen or judgy. He lets you do your thing in peace, following your orders no matter how strange they might be. This is your kitchen, not his.

As you spread the sauce and cheese over one of the doughs, Carmy gets a call. He wipes his hands with a rag and picks it up. You only hear his side of the conversation.

"No, I'm off tonight. I'm with my girl. Call Sugar. She should be able to help you with that. Great. Thanks."

Carmy had promised himself that he would try to balance it all better. He has his team to help each other out. The Bear is a priority, but so are you because you help him keep whatever sanity he has left.

Carmy hangs up, and when he returns to you, he notices the grin on your lips as you put the toppings he chopped on the pizza.

"What's with the smile?" Carmy stands behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he props his head on your shoulder. Your hair tickles his nose, smelling the notes of coconut of your shampoo he digs his head farther into it.

"I'm your girl?" You ask, the smile still present on your face. He'd missed your initial reaction when you heard him call you 'my girl.' You almost dropped the container of pepperoni that was in your hands. It's a shock cause he never asked you to be his girl.

Carmy pauses and tenses up against you. "Uh, yes? Hold up. Turn around," he orders, as he places his hand on your hips to turn your body around.

"Yes, chef," you respond cheekily, your arms around his neck, careful not to touch his sweater with your messy hands.

"Aren't you my girl?" He frowns, rubbing a thumb over your hips.

"I could be, but I don't remember you asking," you pretend to think.

Carmy never directly asked you to be his girlfriend, and you never asked him to be your boyfriend. You might as well be a couple since you've been dating long enough. You decide to seize the opportunity now to get it out of him. Having a proper anniversary day would be nice because you hope this lasts.

"I see, my mistake," Carmy nods, catching your vibe, "Honey…"

"Yes, Carmy?" You blink innocently at him.

"Would you do me the honor of becoming my girlfriend?" He finally asks.

You could joke around but decided against it cause the moment is perfect, "I'd love to," you nod, giving him a small kiss.

When the pizza is cooked, you bring it over to the dining table. Serving Carmy a pretty slice. Excitedly, you wait for him to bite into it and taste it.

"What do you think?" You ask expectantly.

"You were right. Best pizza in Chicago," Carmy agrees with an unbelievable laugh. He's got a lot to learn from you. It's the truth, or maybe he's blinded by his feelings. Only time will tell where you and Carmy will end up.

The End?

thank you guys for pulling through and reading! i know it's a slow burn but i hope you liked it! i certainly enjoyed writing it even though it took me like 4 months.

if you liked it, i would appreciate you liking it, commenting or reblogging. if you have some feedback feel free to send it my way too. i wanna get better at this whole writing thing!

thank you! bye xx

[vajjaa]

Chalkboard Hearts - Pt IV

Pairing - KindergartenTeacher!Steve Harrington x SingleMom!Reader

WC - 5.6k

Summary - A snow day prompts Steve and Abbey to spend a little one on one time together.

AN - sorry this one took a little longer! being creative is hard when the U.S keeps sucking me of all my joy. thanks for the patience, love y’all! ~ emma

Three weeks ago, your daughter’s kindergarten teacher gave you his phone number in a chilly, deserted diner parking lot, and every weekday since that night, Abbey has had to all but drag you from his classroom when you go to pick her up in the afternoons. One topic leads to another and another, and before you realize it, you and Steve have been chatting in his mostly empty classroom for over an hour. But this morning, you’re dialing those digits he gave you on your landlines keypad for the first time with shaky fingers. You’d spent the past hour exhausting all your other options. Your mother? Working. Your sister? Out of town. Your usual babysitter? sick.

Steve was the only person you knew for a fact wouldn’t be working today.

It wasn’t for a lack of wanting to that you hadn’t called yet. Every waking hour since that night, you had been wrestling with yourself about what an appropriate reason would be. Was he flirting with you? Did he genuinely just want you to have access to him in case of an emergency? Both? Your inner dialogue was deafening– like a squawking bird in the back of your brain.

The intrusive volume of your thoughts seemed to quiet now as your leg bounced impatiently– anxiety over the prospect of having to call into work outweighing your trepidation– waiting for him to pick up the call on the other line. 

He finally answered halfway through the fourth ring, “Hello?” Despite the early hour, Steve sounded wide awake. Probably rousing at the same time you did, not expecting to be temporarily blinded by three feet of bright, white snow piled on top of his car. On the kitchen radio, you can hear the newscaster announcing a closure of the local schools.

“Steve, it’s Y/N,” your voice cuts through the static.

He pauses briefly, yours probably being the last voice he expected to hear when he picked up his phone, “Hey, morning–” he clears his throat, “everything alright?”

“Yes– well– I don’t know.” You rub the tips of your fingers restlessly over your closed eyelids, “I don’t have anyone to watch Abbey with the school being closed, I've tried everyone and I really hate to ask but–”

“Of course, I can be there in thirty. Can you give me your address?”

“Are you sure, Steve? I can just call out if–”

“Don’t be ridiculous, just give me your address,” his incredulity and lack of hesitation sends the wings fluttering about in your stomach again, while cementing the reassurance of his words. You gain the courage to repeat your home address for him to write down.

You can hear the sound of pen hastily scratching paper, then after a few beats of silence he speaks again, “It’ll take me a little bit to clear off my car, but I’ll be there as soon as I can,”

“Thank you so much, you have no idea.”

“Don’t mention it,” you can hear the grin in his voice, can picture the flash of perfect white squares, “see you soon,” you breathe a heavy sigh of relief at the click of the receiver being placed back in its cradle. Abbey is bundled up on the couch watching Rugrats, a bowl of cereal in her lap. Normally, you wouldn’t let her eat in the living room, but you needed respite from her usual game of 20 Questions to make some phone calls.

“Hey, Ab,” you say as you approach her, thoroughly engrossed in her cartoons, “Is it okay if Mr. H comes over and watches you today while mommy goes to work?”

The question is more than enough to pull her focus from the television screen. Her face lights up like the Fourth of July as she nearly spills her cereal with the force of her straightening on the sofa, “Really?” She asks hopefully.

“Yes, grandma is working and Julia is sick. Is that okay?” As excited as you know she is, you want her verbal confirmation. Mostly because you’d never put your child in a situation she’s uncomfortable in; but a smaller, more selfish part of you wants to be absolved of the guilt you feel for having to leave her all day.

Your wish is granted almost instantly as she squeals and hops off the couch where she’d been lounging, placing her bowl on the coffee table. Halfway to her room, she calls, “Mommy! Where are my coloring books?”

“They’re on top of your bookshelf,” you call, “don’t make a huge mess, please!”

“I won’t!” She replies, muffled through the drywall separating you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You hadn’t had time to tidy the house or make yourself look even remotely presentable before Steve arrived. If it weren’t for the relief that floods your body upon seeing his car pull in the driveway, you might even be a little embarrassed. Booted footsteps shuffle up the porch as you’re shoveling things into your bag at the last minute, followed by three light knocks on the door.

“Coming!” You shout from where you stand in the dining room.

Before you even have the chance to reach the foyer, Abbey is darting from her bedroom in plastic play shoes and throwing the door open with immeasurable enthusiasm.

“Hey–” Steve starts, expecting it to be you before he realizes who’s greeting him, “Oh, hi Ab,” he waves to the little face staring up at him, “Where’s your mom?”

“Mommy!” Abbey calls, “Mr. H is here!”

Steve spots you holding two pieces of notebook paper clad with chicken scratch scribblings. You look frazzled– hair thrown up hastily and scrubs wrinkly. He scours the place where he would normally find an emotion akin to pity for your distressed state, but in its absence, he only feels endearment laced with a little concern.

He doesn’t get a word in before you’re shoving the papers in his hands and spouting off information that he’s praying is already on the sheets you’ve given him.

“I should be home by five, if anything happens, this–” you point to a barely legible number, “--is my work phone. This is her doctor’s phone number and she’s allergic to peanuts. There aren’t any peanuts in the house but–” you sigh, exasperated with yourself, “just in case.”

The rest of the pages are filled with ramblings about which channels Abbey likes to watch and how to work the television. How, in case she needs a bath, you have to pull and then twist the knob for the hot water to run. That she is not, under any circumstances, allowed to put nail polish on by herself and where you keep her Epi Pens.

Steve’s surprised at how many of these sentiments he already has catalogued. He’s required to know Abbey’s emergency contacts and that she has a nut allergy for his job, but he knows that channel thirty-seven has the best cartoons because Abbey once told him that Power Puff Girls was her favorite– and you’d already relayed to him the hilariously tragic tale of what happened the last time Abbey attempted to paint her own nails.

Despite this revelation, he doesn’t dare interrupt you. He indulges your ranting, a grin creeping involuntarily along his face.

“-- sorry, I’m rambling– I’ve just never left her with someone who wasn’t my mom or her sitter before,” you’re a little breathless after two straight minutes of talking.

“Hey, hey– you’re okay,” he wastes no time reassuring you, “you know I’d never let anything happen to her.” You nod your understanding, “Besides,” now he’s speaking to Abbey, “we’re gonna have a super fun time right?”

She shouts, “Yes!”

He looks at you with his brows raised, amused, “See?”

“Okay, alright,” you kneel down, chuckling, “do I get a hug? Or am I chopped liver?”

Giggling, Abbey wraps you in a suffocating embrace, like always. Her excitement for Steve has never quelled her affection for you, and you can tell that she’s still hesitant to see you go. You smack a kiss on her cheek, grabbing your bag from the floor as you rise again.

“Swear you’ll call me if anything happens?” You ask him one more time, already knowing the answer.

“Cross my heart.” He smiles fondly, stoking the flames burning bright around the cage that your heart inhabits.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Your home is cozy, much cozier than anything Steve had growing up. He’s warmed at the idea that Abbey has the privilege of growing up in a house that feels so lived in– stains on the carpet, soft edges and yellow lighting. There’s clutter on the kitchen counter by the microwave and colorful alphabet magnets securing several bright pieces of artwork to the fridge.

“Are these the pictures you drew in art class last week?” He asks Abbey, who has been trailing behind him all through the house, pointing things out to him as they go.

“Uh-huh, Mrs. Morse helped me with that one,” she points to what Steve thinks is probably supposed to be a zebra.

“Well, you’re very talented, I love them,”

“Can we go play outside?” She asks, drawing out the last syllable and completely ignoring Steve’s compliment.

“Sure we can,” he chuckles, “where do you keep your snowsuit?”.

Abbey takes Steve by the wrist and leads him to the coat closet by the front door. Similar to the rest of your house, it’s stuffed to the brim– full of puffy nylon and heavy winter boots. He catches a glimpse of a familiar brown and green jacket– his jacket. You’d promised to wash it and return it to him, but it must’ve slipped your mind. He grins to himself at the reminiscence as he fetches Abbey’s snow gear and shuts the door.

Steve hadn’t dressed appropriately for a morning rolling around in the cold. He had slipped on a pair of your mittens, probably meant more for fashion than practicality, because his fingers were already completely numb. But he can’t seem to deny her when Abbey pleads with him to make snow angels. They’d just spent the past half an hour building two snowmen– one short like Abbey and one tall like Steve, she insisted, as she wrapped her scarf around the snowman that resembled her.

“Please, Mr. H?” She begs when she notices his hesitancy.

“Alright, alright,” he chuckles, “but then we’re gonna go inside and have lunch. Deal?”

That appears to be a good enough covenant for her, “Okay!” Abbey exclaims, falling fairly harshly to the cushioned ground. Steve braces himself for tears, but Abbey only keeps laughing in that contagious way as she begins spreading her arms and legs out beside her in a repetitive motion.

“Are you gonna make one?” She questions from her place on the ground.

He grunts as he reluctantly lowers himself down next to her, anticipating the icy wetness waiting underneath him. The snow seeps uncomfortably through his jeans, but the sound of Abbey’s unbridled joy nearly makes up for his soiled clothing.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

What’d you want to eat, Ab?” Steve calls from the pantry while Abbey changes out of her wet clothes in her bedroom.

“Not hungry!” She calls back.

He sighs, expecting her stubbornness– she was nearly as mulish as you.

“Remember the deal we made earlier?” He asks, “That if I made a snow angel with you, that you’d have to eat something for lunch, right?”

She emerges from her room, pout prominent on her strikingly adorable features, “But I wanna keep playing,” she whines, giving her foot a little stomp on the linoleum for emphasis.

“We can keep playing after, I promise,” he knows he’s not winning this battle without a compromise, “does your mom let you eat in the living room?” He asks with a lilt to his voice that makes him sound conspiratorial.

“Sometimes…”

“How about…” he pauses as if thinking, “I make us some food and we watch a movie while we eat?”

He can tell he’s got her after that– hook, line and sinker. She still pretends to mull over his proposition for a moment before agreeing, “Hmm…I think that sounds good,” she settles, trying and failing to mask her elation.

That’s how Steve ended up, plates of grilled cheese sandwiches in hand, dodging barbies and miscellaneous stuffed animals on his way to the living room a few minutes later.

“Have you found a movie yet?” He asks Abbey as he sets the plates down atop the coffee table.

“Yes but–” she jumps on her tiptoes, “I can’t reach it,”

Steve walks over to the towering shelf of VHS tapes in front of her, “Which one are you trying to reach?”

Abbey points at the tape in question, “Home Alone,”

“Alrighty,” Steve says as he grabs it with ease, “Your foods on the table, go sit while I put it in,”

Abbey, for once, does as he asks– bounding over to the coffee table with the excitement typical of a five-year-old who has an adult's permission to break a house rule.

While Steve eyes your VCR, he catches a glimpse of a photo out of the corner of his eye, causing him to pause. It’s you, no older than twenty, holding a swaddled baby in a sterile hospital room. He doesn’t recognize the picture as one he’s seen before.

Of course you’ve never seen it before, he thinks, you barely know her. Get a grip.

You’re filled with such youthful brilliance in the shot, despite the underlying weariness of having just given birth; your hair tied messily into a bun at the nape of your neck, sweat beading on your brow bone. It’s just you and Abbey, Steve thinks her father must’ve been the photographer.

He can’t help but think of himself at that age and all the stupid shit he was doing. How, if you had handed him a baby then, he wouldn’t have known the first thing about what to do with it– but here you had raised such a bright, healthy daughter and largely alone. He was struck by such a sudden and overwhelming admiration for you that he nearly forgot what he was supposed to be doing.

“Mr. H?” Abbey asked, mouth full, “When are we gonna start the movie?”

Her question sends him hurling back to reality. A reality where he’s your daughter’s kindergarten teacher, and the two of you are friendly with each other at best.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

At some point during the movie, once their lunch was reduced to crumbs on empty plates, Abbey had hauled out her box of coloring books and crayons that she had been looking for this morning.

Steve, the less creative of the two, was coloring in a cartoon illustration of a fairy while Abbey was making her own drawing on a piece of white construction paper. The lack of constant chatter is a welcome reprieve, but he knows that Abbey only becomes quiet when she’s particularly concentrated, so he chances a peek to his right at what she’s working on.

She got a death grip on a brown crayon– shaved almost down to the tip– with her tongue sticking ever so slightly between her lips as she focuses intently on her art.

The picture is of three stick figures– two tall and one significantly smaller in between them. It’s set at what looks to be a playground, a bright yellow sun in the sky and blue scribblings around white clouds. Swings, slides and even a little blue dog adorn the rest of the background.

Pleasantly surprised at her artistry, Steve says, “That looks amazing, Ab!”

She’s snapped out of her stupor, her face split with a wide toothless grin. She doesn’t thank him, only lets out a few bashful giggles at his praise and says, “I like yours too,”

“Is that you?” He points at the littlest figure.

“Mhm, see? I made her hair curly like mine!”

“It looks just like you,” he agrees, then draws her attention to the other figures, “Is this your mom and your dad next to you?”

“This is mommy,” she points, “I put her in the blue clothes she wears at work,” he knows she’s referring to your scrubs, but the phrasing makes him chuckle.

“And this is you!” She circles the figure she’s drawn with the tip of her finger. She’s included his voluminous chestnut hair and his silver wire-framed glasses, even one of the stupid striped polos he wears at school. Looking at it now, it’s obvious who it was supposed to be– but it’s so unexpected that he feels his face heat up at the realization.

“Oh, wow, Ab– That’s–” he grapples to find the words to express the juxtaposition he’s found himself in. He’s honored, truly, to be included in this portrait Abbey’s made of herself and her mother– her family– but there’s a gnawing guilt he can’t seem to shake. The fear that, in some way, he’s replacing her father.

“I love it, Ab, thank you,” he smiles fondly at her work, the proud grin she wears slowly melting the flash freeze of trepidation that encased his conscience.

“Can we hang it on the fridge for mommy to see when she gets home?” She asks after a moment.

“That sounds like a great idea.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Around four o’clock, Abbey begins asking what they’re having for dinner. Steve wonders briefly if you always have to deal with her being so ravenous.

“How about we start cooking now? That way it’ll be ready for your mom when she gets home,”

“Okay,” Abbey concurs. Steve wouldn’t consider himself a Michelin star chef by any means, but he can make a mean chicken parmesan.

A trip to the grocery store was needed to grab some ingredients. After scribbling down the required items on a crumpled receipt, and struggling for ten minutes to get Abbey’s carseat in the back of his BMW, they’re on their way.

He meets her eyes in the rearview mirror, “Do you want me to put on some music?”

“Christmas music?” She asks hopefully.

Steve isn’t the biggest fan of Christmas music– Christmas in general, really– but he obliges her request and turns the dial to their local channel, soft bells and a choir of voices begin to flood through the interior of the car. She really is so harmlessly manipulative with her saucer eyes and round button nose, he can’t seem to refuse her anything.

Steve drives more cautiously than he thinks he ever has, even more so than when he was sixteen and learning how to drive with his family’s Pontiac as his father stared harshly at him from the passenger seat. He comes to a full halt at every stop sign, and he never takes his eyes off the road.

After fighting some early rush hour traffic, they make it. Without a second thought, Abbey grasps Steve’s hand while walking through the parking lot. He tries not to look startled at the sudden contact, recalling how she always seems to have a firm grip on your hand in public spaces too. Steve’s just glad she feels comfortable with him.

“Can I help?” Abbey asks as Steve grabs a cart from the corral.

“Course’,” he smiles, “do you wanna grab the ingredients and put them in the cart for me?”

She bounces excitedly, “Sure!”

Wandering through the aisles, Abbey never strayed from Steve’s side. Every time he read off an item, she would dutifully fetch it and throw it into the cart with a little more force than necessary, but Steve didn’t mind.

“Do you live by yourself?” She asks out of the blue as they peruse the store.

“I do,”

“Then how come you know how to cook?”

He laughs at her inquisitive nature, “Well I have to eat don’t I?”

“Yeah…” she ponders, “I guess so,”

“Alright, the last thing we need is breadcrumbs,” he informs her, scanning the shelves.

Like earlier, Abbey attempts to stand on her tiptoes to try and reach the can in question, “I’m getting it,” she mumbles in determination, very much not getting it.

“Here,” Steve says as he lifts her up by her waist like it was second nature to him.

“Got it!” She exclaims, tossing it in with the rest of the groceries. “Can I ride in the cart now?” She yawns with a polite hand over her mouth. He supposes grocery shopping takes a lot out of you when all the shelves are at least five feet taller than your head.

“Sure,” Steve chuckles as he slots her little legs through the designated holes.

Despite the ride home only being about ten minutes long, Abbey manages to doze off– lulled to sleep by the subtle hum of the car's engine. Steve veered as gently as possible into the driveway, careful not to disturb her even though he was about to wake her up anyway.

“Abbey,” he shakes her softly, “we’re home,”

Abbey rouses, but only slightly. She yawns again and stretches with her arms over her head before extending them out, silently motioning with her eyes still closed for Steve to carry her inside.

“Okay, c’mon lazy bones,” he grunts at the angle but lifts her from her car seat nonetheless. After unlocking the door one-handed, he sets her carefully on the couch and covers her with a plush throw blanket before heading back outside for the rest of the groceries.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The first thing you notice when you approach your front door is the savory smell of something cooking. Inside, the TV is off and your daughter is sleeping soundly on the couch. Quiet clattering noises flood from the kitchen.

The sleeves of Steve’s burgundy sweater are rolled up to his elbows and the kitchen smells of roasting chicken and mahogany as he stirs a simmering pot of homemade pasta sauce. He’s humming some tune softly under his breath– Bob Segar, you think.

“Hey,” you greet with a grin as you set your bag down on the dining table. Steve turns around to meet you as you ask, “What’re you doing?”

“Cooking?” He replies.

“No, really?” You deadpan back, eliciting an amused chuckle from the man standing at your stove.

“Abbey was asking about dinner,” he pauses, “we were gonna do this whole thing– we were gonna make it for you together, have it ready by the time you got home, but,” he gestures with his arm to the living room where Abbey is napping. Steve Harrington is nothing if not expressive– talking with his hands, eyebrows always either furrowed in concentration or raised in amusement. It’s one of the most charming things about him, you think.

“Well, thank you,” you say, “you didn’t have to do that,” you feel a blush heat your cheeks at how domestic this feels– like you come home to Steve cooking dinner for you and your daughter every night. You can picture it as easily as if it were your actual reality and it leaves you feeling briefly vertiginous. You’re not sure Jeremy ever cooked even one meal for you in the entirety of your relationship.

“The chickens almost done and then I'll get out of your hair,” he assumes a teasing lilt to his voice to disguise the fact that he feels like he’s overstepping– overstaying his welcome or crossing some invisible line.

“Are you kidding?” You scoff, “You’ve gotta at least stick around long enough to see how it came out,”

“You don’t mind?” He asks hesitantly.

“Steve, of course I don’t mind,” honestly, you think you’d start a fire and burn your house to the ground if it meant getting him to stay just a little longer to help you put it out, “plus, I’m sure Abbey’ll be stoked.”

“Alright, well,” he smiles warmly, “it’s ready if you wanna go wake the gremlin up,”

At the table, Abbey insists on sitting next to Steve in the chair across from you.

“This is delicious, Steve,” you compliment.

“Best you ever had?” He teases, but his phrasing makes you choke a little on your pasta.

Abbey makes a twisted face, “The sauce tastes funny.” Saved by the bell.

“Abbey!” you scold playfully, poorly concealing a laugh behind the back of your hand, “Sorry– I think she’s just used to eating Prego,”

“That’s okay– I think she’s right, actually,” he assures you, twisting his expression into something sour and causing Abbey to giggle. His eyes are the color of rich soil as he sends you an oh, so familiar look across the table, communicating another silent thought to you. One that says, I don’t mind how blunt she is, I think it’s endearing.

When dinner is finished, Steve insists on doing the dishes for you too. “You cooked, Steve, let me–” you try to barter.

“--You do enough as it is,” he counters simultaneously.

“You watched my child all day!” You laugh at his stubbornness.

“I do that everyday anyway!” He argues, beginning to fill up the porcelain farmhouse sink with hot, sudsy water.

“At least let me help,” you give him that wide eyed look you always seem to be giving him lately. God, you’re no better than Abbey. “You wash, I’ll dry?”

“Fine,” he tries to frown but his smirk betrays him in his act of faux annoyance.

After a few minutes of stuffy silence, you ask, “She wasn’t too much of a pain in the ass today, was she?”

“Not any more than usual,” he jokes and a plate slips through his fingers, causing a small splash of water to coat your face in dishwater. You gasp at the sensation.

“Oh– Sorry!--” he tries to apologize, but you take your dishwater soaked fingers and flick them in the direction of his own face– small soapy bubbles clinging to his lashes and eyebrows.

“I cannot believe you right now,” he says, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

“There, now we’re even,” you smirk.

“I’ll let it slide. This time.”

“Mommy!” Abbey rushes into the kitchen, “Can Mr. H stay to watch a cartoon before bed?”

“I don’t know, baby, it’s getting late,” you can just barely see the flash of heartbreak in her gaze before Steve interjects, “It’s okay, I don’t mind staying for a little longer,”

You send him a skeptical glance over your shoulder, but he just nods and asks Abbey what she’d like to watch.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The end credits for an episode of The Rugrats flashes across the screen, illuminating Abbey’s sleeping face in muted shades of blue and orange. She snores, slumped against Steve’s chest with her arms wrapped around his torso. You sit propped against the other arm of the couch watching them intently– trying to memorize the sight before you. You’ve never seen Abbey cradled like this before by anyone else except you. It wasn’t something you felt you craved until recently.

Steve turns, catching you staring but not calling attention to it. He can count on several hands the amount of times he’s done the same to you– Steve Harrington is many things, but he is not a hypocrite.

“Did you know the guy from Devo wrote the theme song for this?” He gestures towards the television.

“Really?”

“Mhm,” he replies, “I can’t remember who told me that,”

After a few beats of hushed silence, you say, “Should probably put that one to bed– unless you wanna be here all night,” you try to joke but your voice shakes.

He would if you were sincerely asking. He’d stay right here on this uncomfortably worn sofa, with your daughter whom he has such an affinity for, sleeping against his chest for the next millenia. He’d fossilize here if he could– your presence beside him calm and grounding like an anchor in a storm.

He voices none of this. Instead he says, “Do you want to take her?”

“It’s okay,” you wave him off, “I’ll just come with you.” The three of you slowly make your way to Abbey’s bedroom, Steve carrying her bridal style against his torso and the door creaks on its hinges when Steve pushes it open with his hip. She stirs only a little when he sets her down, but is soothed quickly with a firm palm stroking her back a few times.

The door clicks behind you as Steve leads you both back to the living room.

“I should probably–”

“Do you want–”

You begin to speak at the same time, awkward chuckles leaving both of your nervous lips.

“You first,” he offers, scratching the back of his neck.

“I was– just gonna ask if you wanted some wine, but I know it’s late–”

“Wine sounds great.” His lips form a line across his face as he grins.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Half a bottle of wine split between the two of you, and your hands were tingling from the effort it was taking not to reach out and card your fingers through the hair of the man sitting across from you.

“How come you never called?” He asks suddenly, but not unkindly.

“Hm?”

“You never called– well, not til’ this morning at least,”

“Didn’t know what counted as an emergency, I guess,” you shrug, the alcohol shaking your nerves loose.

He must’ve been feeling in a similar way to you– speaking freely in a way he wouldn’t have before, “Just wanted to talk to you,” he smiles fondly.

“Oh,” you whisper, and when you don’t say anything else, Steve changes the subject.

“I like that photo of you on top of the entertainment center,” he says contemplatively, “you looked really…peaceful,”

“Well, raising a miniature version of yourself tends to age you a bit, I suppose,”

“Can I ask you something?” He asks, testing the waters.

“Always”

“Where was Jeremy in the picture?”

“We always talk about me,” you roll your eyes spiritedly and release a contented sigh, “Tell me why you really came to Maine,”

“Don’t deflect,” he teases.

“C’monnnn,” you draw out the last syllable, “answer,”

“I asked you first,” Steve chuckles.

“Jeremy wasn’t at Abbey’s birth,” you admit, it's immediately like an aching weight removed from the length of your spine– one that's been there consistently for years. “He didn’t even want me to have her,” you scoff humorlessly.

You had told almost no one this before. For the sake of keeping appearances, even after he passed, only your mother and sister knew that Jeremy had pushed for you to terminate your pregnancy when he’d found out; and that only once your daughter was actually born did he want to be involved in her life. The burden felt shockingly easy to lay at Steve’s feet, like someone might confess to a priest. This tender man sitting across from you– whether it was the wine or simply his presence, you aren’t sure– but it felt so effortless to be vulnerable right now. Your soft, white underbelly on display for him to do as he pleases, trusting him to have a gentle touch.

“That fucking sucks,” he knows you well enough by now to understand you’ve never cared for empty platitudes, so he doesn’t bother schooling his bitter, empathetic expression, “M’ sorry,”

Not wanting to dwell on it any longer, you say, “Your turn,”

“My old man was an abusive, drunk asshole,” he says frankly, “I don’t know if I ever saw him sober,” he huffs a laugh but there’s no humor behind it. “I needed to get out– to see what else there was, you know?” He asks, and you nod, “He died in my sophomore year of college. Didn’t even go to the wake.”

“Well, I’m really glad you ended up in this shithole,” he laughs at that, “I think you’re pretty neat, Harrington,”

“Thanks,” he deadpans, “Juries still out on you,” he pokes your side and you giggle like you’re a damn teenager again.

You swat him lightly on his bicep in retaliation, and before you know it, you’ve both succumbed to a fit of contagious laughter. When it begins to die down, you’re closer to him than you’d been before. It steals the breath from your lungs and your heart thrashes inside your ribcage like a wild animal.

You’re gazing at each other now, heads light from the alcohol and dizzy with proximity. His heavy lidded gaze lands on your lips for a second too long, and then he’s pulling your face flush to his own by the sharp edge of your jaw.

It’s a soft kiss, but it’s maddening nonetheless. His lips are plush and smooth– malleable against yours. You huff a surprised breath of air, but don’t pull away. One of his calloused hands is resting firmly on your waist while the other one snakes up tenderly to hold the back of your head. You feel that familiar itch to bury your fingers in his brown tresses, so finally, you do. What realistically only lasts a moment, feels like hours before he’s pulling away, nearly frightened.

When he looks at you, his doe eyes are wide with fear, glassy with the impending fallout of what he’d just done. He stammers, “I’m sorry–that was–” he runs his hands down the length of his guilt twisted face.

“No– Steve, It’s okay, I–”

“I should go–” he says quickly as he slips his shoes and coat on, not even bothering to tie the laces, he grabs his keys, “I’m sorry I’ll– I’ll see you on Monday,”

He’s closing the door behind him before your mind gets the chance to catch up with your mouth. You wished to tell him that it was okay, that you liked it– that you wanted him to stay and never leave again.

But it’s too late. You’re left alone in the stifling air of your living room, half a bottle of wine on the coffee table and your heart on the floor.

taglist - @soulxiez @sadieshairbrush @the-witty-pen-name @ilovetaquitosmmmm @mrsnarnian @negomi123 @micheledawn1975 @cherryc1nnam0n @paleidiot @adaydreamaway30 @twinkling-moonlillie @royalestrellas @jamdoughnutmagician @cali-888 @kolsmikaelson @1deverland @borhapparker @alexa4040 @chiliwhore @weonlysaidgoodbyewithwordss @paddockspookie42 @foxes-n-frogs @j-mlover383

divider cred - @cafekitsune

[vajjaa]

Pictures

How the 141 boys got their favorite picture of you + where they keep it when they’re away on missions.

Wc: 1.9k

Simon “Ghost” Riley-

You had been taking pictures all day on your date. Blown through at least 100 pieces of film. After all, the zoo was quite the place.

Decidedly, your favorite place had been the reptile house. You stayed in there longer than any other exhibit. While you were watching the reptiles, Simon was watching you. The way your face lit up when you found a hidden snake or learned a new fact about them. The way you’d laugh at all the stupid jokes the staff put up around the exhibits. He stared at you like he was trying to memorize every detail of the day.

Before you left, he bought you a snake plushie. It was long enough to wrap around you, very soft, and a little weighted.

When you got back home, Simon decided to stay for a bit. He sat in your computer chair and talked to you. You sat on your bed, your head hanging off the side, just flipping through the pictures you had taken, admiring your trophies. The snake plush lay behind your neck and off your shoulders.

After thinking back on the day and how much he wanted to remember it, Simon had gotten an idea. “Gimme tha’ camera”

You sat up, moving so aggressively the plush almost fell off your shoulders. You put it back. “Why? What's wrong?” You handed him the camera off the bed. He took it and looked at it, trying to figure out how it worked. Once he was confident he knew, he turned it on you.

“Go on, lovie.” you look at him “What do you want me to do, Si?” you sit criss-cross on your bed

“Pose for me” he mutters. You tilt your head, scrunch up your nose a bit and giggle. It's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard, no matter how many times he's heard it.

Flash.

You raise your eyebrows as he takes the picture and begins shaking it. After a moment he looks at it, pausing before… “That’s the one.”

“That's the picture?” You raise your eyebrows, “I didn't even get to pose” you whine. You try to take the picture from him, but he won't let you get it. He holds it above your head and shakes it more, hoping to make it finish developing faster. When it does he looks at it.

“Nah, ‘m gonna keep it. ’S wha’ I want to remember.” after he chuckles, and it’s deep and rumbly.

Simon keeps the picture in the right side of his vest, always keeping you close to his heart. It’s the first thing he looks at when he wakes up, and the last he looks at before he goes to sleep.

Captain John Price-

John was always excited to come home to his wife after a particularly taxing mission. You were in bed, cuddling and talking about whatever was on your minds when you both heard a crash. John was instantly on edge, ready to investigate.

He signals for you to stay in bed and be quiet while he looks.

When he gets back, he’s less stressed and more sad. “ ‘m sorry…” he holds up your broken Polaroid, the same one he'd gotten you for your birthday a year ago.

“No…” you whine, more than a little upset. You look from the device to him. “I'm sorry John.”

He sighs deeply and looks back at you, putting the camera on the desk before crawling back into bed, and pulling you against him. “I have the day off tomorrow…maybe we could get another one?”

In the morning, you guys go shopping at the mall. The first place you go is the shop John had gotten your camera from last year. After getting it, you immediately open it and load it with film.

The camera and film were the only things you had gotten before going home.

“This is exactly like my last one,” you say, sitting on the couch, playing with the camera. John sits next to you settling into the comfort of your presence. “Yeah? Is that alright?” you pull the camera away from your face, looking at him. “More than alright. It's perfect.” you say before backing up a little bit before snapping a picture.

“Wh-what was that for, darling?” he asks, still blinking from the flash

“Just to have…” you say, shaking the picture. You put the camera on the couch between the two of you before looking at the picture. While you were distracted he picked up the camera and turned it around on you.

“Hey-” he calls out, trying to get your attention

You look at him.

Flash.

You blink away the spots in your vision before finally seeing him again.

“And what was that for?” you ask. There's no accusatory tone, only curiosity.

“Just something to have…for when I'm away from home.” He looks at the picture before handing it. “If you don't like it I can take another, but….” you take the picture and look at it. It wasn't that bad. You hand him the photo back. “If it's the one you want, who am I to deny you?”

You pause and smirk a little “Maybe I'll let you take another to keep you better company on…lonelier nights.”

“Tha’ right?” he asks, already dragging you to the bedroom.

He keeps it on the inside of his hat. When he first got the picture soap annoyed him for looking at it so often.

Johnny “Soap” Mactavish-

You first came to the base to help the 141 with paperwork and clerical tasks, soon you became a very valuable member of the team, and a friend to most on it. Johnny especially had taken great strides in ensuring you felt as welcome as possible. This would include sitting with you in the cafeteria, sitting in your office during the long nights, or just talking when you needed a distraction.

Soon, daily walks became a habit. He would meet you at your office on your lunch break, and the two of you would just walk and talk. It was during one of these walks that you got the text Price needed you to look over something in his office. Johnny decided to walk with you there.

The two of you made haste, but you stopped before a seemingly impossible choice, either you take the elevator, or the stairs.

“You want to risk the elevator today?” You look at him, truly leaving the decision up to him. You were in heels that made going upstairs hurt, but the elevator was super sketchy with a tendency to break down…it also had some really weird stains.

He thinks for a moment. “Aye, let’s dae that” you hesitate, glancing between him and the rickety elevator. He tilts his head a little “Should be fine, eh?”

“Apparently they just fixed it…so maybe?” you look at him, then to the stairs. “I’m following you, Johnny.” you say to the Scott. He nods at you, a smile flashing across his face.

He gets on with far too much confidence, almost a scary amount. You follow him, being sure to avoid those stains that definitely look like blood, but Johnny swears aren't.

When you get in and the doors shut, Johnny, ever the prankster, decides to mess with you. He looks you in the eye. “Hey, lass.” You look at him. He has a mischievous smile. ”Johnny, I don’t know what you’re planning, but no.”

“Don’ worry, Bonnie, we’re fine.” He smirks

Famous last words.

He jumps in the elevator, as soon as it starts moving. If it were anyone else, it probably would’ve been fine, but his 200 pounds of muscle might have been a little too much for the poor elevator.

There’s a loud SNAP and the elevator jerks up. You stumble, but Johnny catches you.

I pull back quickly when you realize how you’re looking up at Johnny right now.

You make a terrifying realization. The elevator is not moving anymore...

You two were stuck on the elevator for 4 hours. Of course, it was during this incredibly opportune time that he decided to ask you out.

When Price texted Johnny, asking if he had seen you, Johnny took a selfie with you and sent it to him explaining that the two of you were stuck in the elevator.

Three months later, you're his girlfriend. And that selfie? It’s a keychain that’s attached to Johnny’s belt loop. Easier to look at his Bonnie lass that way.

And the elevator? It’s been closed since.

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

This dinner had been planned months in advance. It was one of the nicest restaurants in London and he would sooner cut off his hand than forfeit the reservation.

It was your anniversary, and he would be deployed…or so you thought. Turns out, the mission ended early, at least that's what he would later tell you, and he was already on his way home to you.

You were sitting on the couch, watching TV when there was a jingle of keys at the front door. You were immediately on alert, no one has keys to this place other than you and Kyle, and Kyle was supposed to be gone…right?

You watch as the door opens, the fear immediately dissipating when you see that familiar hat accompanied by the smile that made you swoon. Instead, your fear is replaced with an overwhelming joy. As fast as he gets the door open youre barreling towards him. He catches you into a crushing hug, laughing into your hair and giving you kisses on the crown of your head, muttering about how he missed you too.

He checks the time, cursing under his breath. “You need to get ready, love.”

You look at him for a few seconds before you remember what the day is.

“Kyle, you’re probably tired…I don't want to-” Kyle cuts you off.

“I slept on the plane. We're going.” he says with an air of finality.

You try to argue more, but he's ignoring you and shoving you towards the shower.

When you finally get to the restaurant, you realize how much planning Kyle had put into this. He has specifically reserved the table you had ranted about to him on one of your first dates. He also made sure they had your favorite wine, which was put down as soon as you sat at the table.

When you look at him, it's nothing but stars in your eyes, and that to him makes everything worth it. Everything he had to do to get home, to get to you. (even if that does mean he owes Soap a favor now.)

As the night continues, you notice his usually calm demeanor change to one a little more on edge. You've never seen him this nervous, not since he first asked you out anyways.

Finally, after a couple of hours, the desert gets brought out.

Written on the plate, in curly, chocolate writing was a single question that would forever change your life.

Will you marry me?

You look at Kyle, he's holding a ring box, looking especially scared, his eyes only daring to meet yours when you place your hand on his.

When you nod with tears in your eyes he stands up, hoists you to your feet, and brings you in for a kiss.

Little did you know, right then, there was a picture taken by the restaurant staff. The picture would quickly become his favorite. He printed it before his next deployment to keep with him.

He keeps it right under the Union Jack velcroed onto his vest to remind him of what he's fighting to return to.

(Just a little Drabble while I work on my larger projects- got some bangers coming out in February if I do say so myself- Hope you enjoy!)

[vajjaa]

Idgaf if you don't want to write essays for school. I don't care if you don't want to write corporate emails yourself. I don't care if you can't draw well, I don't care if you can't write well, I don't care if you just really really want to talk to your favorite fictional character but don't want to RP with a real person because you have social anxiety or whatever

If you're still regularly using generative ai, chatgpt or midjourney or character.ai or literally whatever the fuck, im personally blaming you when my utility prices start going up.

[vajjaa]

part one ||  part two ||  part three || part four || this is part five

You were Simon Riley's first proper girlfriend. Obviously there was that girl from year 2 at school who he 'married' in the playground, as well as numerous failed attempts at dating, but you? You were different. The thought of committing to you made him nervous, but in a fuck, I'm head over heels way. The thought of not committing to you, on the other hand, made him feel sick with the idea of you not being around.

You'd made it official about a week or two ago, and had been taking it slowly since then. Nor you or Simon wanted to rush into anything, but after a few dates it started to seem so... real.

The most recent date is what really made up your mind about the soldier (who had already pretty much written out your wedding vows). It had made you realise quite how strong your feelings were. It was a romantic night... Ghost had spend hours sifting through his phone for restaurants in the area; it had to be faultless... the lighting couldn't be too bright, it had to be great food, he wasn't going to let it be a busy place, et cetera...

Once he had found the flawless place he booked a table for two, and on the actual day he got dressed hours before he needed too, picking out his best clothes. He was wearing black jeans and a slightly unbuttoned shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, because in all honestly he was a little hot from nerves. He wanted the night to be perfect.

You were also nervous... the afternoon was spent on facetime with your friends, debating over what jewellery went with what dress and whether to wear makeup and if so what eyeshadow and which lip gloss and... it was all a blur, really. By the time you were ready both your dressing table and bedroom floor looked like bombs had gone off; clothes were everywhere and there was a mess of makeup wipes from when you'd aggressively scrubbed off your full face again and again to re-apply with pin-point intricacy.

Finally 7 pm had drawn around. You'd arranged to meet outside of the restaurant, so you walked over from your place. Simon had arrived 20 minutes early so he stood outside awkwardly, rocking on the balls of his feet and nodding uncomfortably at people passing by who gave the skull mask a weird look. He knew it made him look a bit odd... he wasn't used to wearing smart clothes and the scars and tattoos on his arms as well as the balaclava were a stark juxtaposition to the slightly fancier setting.

As he saw you walking over, he straightened himself up, brushing invisible dust from his attire and lifting his hand in a mechanical looking wave. You giggled slightly, looking down and grinning. "Hello," You say, voice warm.

"You..." Simon starts, eyes round beneath the mask. "You look absolutely stunning," He mumbles, voice gravelly as hooked his arm around your back before you and him start to walk towards the restaurant. He held the door open for you before nodding at a member of staff in the entrance. "I... er I got... I mean, have, a reservation for two," He stutters, fumbling around with the rolled up sleeves as he tries to pull them down.

"What name is that under?" The waitress asks, smiling politely. You try to hold back your smirk, yet again staring at the floor.

"That's under Gho- no- fuck-" He falters, expression embarrassed. Just the sight of you alone had sent him into flustered and in love mode. "It's under Riley," You chime in, taking Simon's hand and squeezing it gently. Once sat down at a table with menus, you burst into laughter, clapping your hand over your mouth as you attempt to compose yourself. "It's great to see you again," You beam, eyes glistening as you see Ghost's eyes crinkle in the corners with happiness. It only took a little smile from you to make everything feel lighter for the man who had once been so emotionless.

At the end of the meal, Simon refused to let you even just consider paying the bill. As soon as the the card reader was presented he swooped in with his card, smiling smugly under the mask at your protests. You fold your arms and pout with mock anger, but soon your were grinning again as he held out your jacket for you and slipped his arm around your waist as the two of you walked out.

You make your way into the night, streetlamps gently lighting the paved street. Simon nods forwards and you cross the road as he begins to speak. "We should go on a little walk, eh?" He tilts his head at you, smiling under the mask.

"That sounds nice," You said, taking his hand as you start to walk. Ghost knew just where he would take you, so he guided you to a small, pretty bridge going over a gentle river.

"This is so pretty," You murmur, stopping in the middle of the bridge and leaning on the railing. "Mhm," Simon replies, his eyes set firmly on you and only you... the way the moonlight washed over your face in that way. He wraps an arm around your waist again, pulling you in as your hands shift to gently rest on his chest. "Mhm," He repeats, moving his spare hand to tug at the balaclava. He grunts, flushing red under the fabric from a mixture of anticipation and embarrassment "Can you just..." He pulls at the mask again and you huff with laughter.

"Sure..." You whisper, tugging the fabric to his nosebridge.

"All the way off," He mumbles, suddenly feeling that feeling.

Your eyes widen slightly and you nod, gently pulling the whole mask off. You lean backwards for a moment, running your eyes over his flushed face. Every scar was like a location on a map, dotted around his face and sloped jawline. You feel your breath hitch slightly as you take him in, your eyes round with adoration and cheeks becoming hot.

Simon tilts your chin up as you stretch onto tiptoes (what with the large height difference) and he pulls you in closer, smirking slightly at your fixed gaze on his face. "Creepin' me out..." He chuckles, just standing there for a minute, not wanting to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. "Simon hurry up," You giggle, finally breaking the silence and blinking.

"Hurry up and what?" He furrows his brows, a look of genuine confusion flashing over his face. "Oh..." At that point, his cheeks might as well have been scarlet. "Shit." Ghost whispers to himself before taking a deep breath and leaning in to kiss you, his arms wrapping around your frame as his slightly chapped lips brushed against your soft lips. He quickly pulls backwards, expression concerned. "That's what you meant, yeah?"

You just giggle, tiptoeing again to loosely place your arms on his shoulders and around his neck, the mask still bunched up in your palms. "Of course it was, silly," You murmur, stretching to kiss him again.

Simon's heart rate was racing and his eyes fluttered shut, kind of just accepting his amazing fate. Even though he could feel his palms growing clammy, he slid a hand to cup the back of your head, his fingers raking into your hair.

Your first kiss. And oh, what a kiss it was... calm yet passionate, lips connecting in a way that ensured nor you or Simon wanted to pull away. You'd kissed other people in the past, sure, but nothing was like this. You could have sworn you felt your whole body buzz because in all honesty this was new; nothing like those mediocre kisses that it was safe to say you had left in the past.

This? This was love.

Simon pulls away, catching his breath as he strokes your hair with his thumb. "That was..." He stammers, looking away slightly.

He was not used to being this vulnerable, especially without the balaclava on. He felt exposed, but in a weird safe way. It was new, as were a lot of these feelings, all caused by you, but he was strangely welcoming to every single on of them.

"Yeah it was..." You respond, a smile pinching at the corners of your mouth and eyes.

"That was perfect," He manages, looking back at you, his ocean blue eyes that were once so haunted softening. Ever since he first set eyes on you, through the window, you had this exact effect on him. The one that made his whole body feel light and made him feel so at home, because, in all honesty, you were... you are his home.

hope you enjoyed pt 5!! I'm so sorry for the lateness... I've been SO busy ;w;

anyways, if you have any suggestions or rq's for a possible pt 6 or for anything else, make sure to comment or leave me an ask!

[vajjaa]

Gym bro Soap x reader

4k | fluff After a month away, Soap came back to a pleasant surprise

Your new building was a little far from everything. Sure, the walk to the bus stop was longer, but it meant fewer speeding cars or drunk people yelling in the wee hours of the night.

But it wasn’t what sold you on the studio flat. When the polite landlord took you there for a viewing, you passed the gym, tucked away at the end of the building. It wasn’t fancy – probably why it wasn’t advertised it in the first place, but it had all the necessities. You couldn’t ask for anything better for the price.

You weren’t into body building, but it was high time you made exercising a habit, especially now that you had no excuse to skip working out anymore.

In comfy shirts and leggings, you started going. Some days were easier, but you managed to visit the gym at least twice a week. You were proud of yourself for sticking to your commitment despite the circumstances.

See, you didn’t expect much, but the other gymgoers didn’t return your smile even when they would chat and giggle amongst each other. Needless to say, it wasn’t the most welcoming feeling. It didn’t take long for you to learn to keep your head down and stay out of everyone’s way. You started going in at odd hours for a little peace and quiet, so you didn’t feel judged and silly for even trying.

So one early Sunday when you pushed the door of the empty gym open, a relieved smile bloomed on your lips only to drop when grunts and heavy breathing greeted you. You paused in the doorway, spotting a man in a hoodie on the reclining bench.

Maybe another day.

You began your session: warming up on the elliptical before heading to the dumbbell rack. But oh, the only other man there, the same grunting one was there reracking his massive weights. Your steps slowed.

He was huge. He’d taken his hoodie off; his black undershirt didn’t leave much to the imagination. His shorts couldn’t hide his muscled thighs either. He had an interesting hairstyle - a mohawk, as if he didn’t command enough attention without it.

You spun on your heels; you could do something else meanwhile. You made your way to the pulldown machine only to realise the rope attachment was missing. You scanned the room, discovering that it was on the ground next to the cable machine… Which the man was now using.

Well, you certainly didn’t want to disturb. What if he was using it? You contemplated before he let out another strained grunt. That was a territorial display, wasn’t it? A stern warning for you to not bother him. You decided to use the bar already attached.

You’d never used this attachment - always in popular demand, but at least you’d seen people using it. You did your best; a set of 8 was a good start. As you shook off the strain in your arms between sets, you noticed the man walking over in your direction in the mirror.

Was he still using the machine? Or was your technique atrocious? It was a little heavy for you, but you controlled the negative, not letting the weights fall back and slam. Oh dear, you must have done something, judging by the frown on his face.

“How many sets left have you got on this?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to jump in,” you squeaked, jumping off the seat.

“No, no. If you’ve got sets left we could work in together.” He gestured for you to sit back down.

You didn’t know where to look. He had such clear blue eyes, trimmed dark stubble lining his shapely jaw. He was far more muscular up close; his wide shoulders only emphasised his tapered waist.

His hips canted as he casually shifted his weight. “And whilst I’m here, I can spot you too if ye’d like.”

With his frown gone, coupled with his Scottish accent, he appeared far more sociable.

“Oh…” You slid back into the seat.

He pulled the bar down for you. “I like a wider grip,” he said, pointing further down the curved bar. “But ye should see which grip is most comfortable. Lean back a bit. Keep yer chest up, and pull.”

You did as instructed.

“Nice an’ slow on the way back. There you go.”

You grinned. “Oh, that’s a lot easier now!”

“Let’s do a set of ten. That’s three… Four…”

After your last rep, he helped you with the bar again as you got off the seat. “Thanks so much!”

“Am Johnny by the way.” He full stacked the machine before grabbing the bar and taking the seat. “If you need help, feel free to ask.”

You would have loved to return the favour, but with the way he made his set of twelve look like nothing, he probably didn’t need the help.

You did two more sets after each other before you headed to the cable machine. He showed you his favourite exercises there, adjusting the height and weight for you. He didn’t make you feel small about making mistakes, instead encouraging you and helping you.

After your session, you thanked him again for his help.

“Don’t mention it. It was my pleasure,” he answered with a smile before taking a swig from his water bottle.

“See you around, Johnny!” You waved at him.

When you walked back to your flat, it dawned on you that it was the first time your workout didn’t feel like a chore. It was then you realised why people preferred having a workout buddy.

It was silly, but Johnny’s little crush on you made him feel like he was in primary school all over again. Because… Well, he wasn’t sure you were even aware of his existence before that Sunday morning.

He saw you first last month after he got back from a mission. It wasn’t often that he saw a fresh face in the gym so you didn’t go unnoticed, especially not when you looked like that. You always had your head down, as if you were trying to be invisible. You might have been to others, but not to him. Sometimes between sets, you’d smile at your phone, maybe even let out a small laugh. The little he saw intrigued him.

It was irrational - he was a grown man. He could just talk to you, but he didn’t, content with simply admiring you from afar. He wasn’t your type anyway. A sweet, quiet lady like you wouldn’t like a brash man like him. And so over the weeks, if he was lucky enough to encounter you, he’d steal glances.

Johnny always preferred his workouts at an idle gym, so when he went on an early Sunday, he didn’t expect anyone to walk in on him and his ratty hoodie. He was supposed to have a run after and didn’t bother wearing anything nicer than the hoodie he went to bed in. But when he realised it was you, he ripped it off immediately. He’d never let you catch him looking like he was allergic to the shower.

He didn’t know what came over him – maybe because he was feeling ballsy with his deployment coming up later that month. But before he realised what he was doing, he was walking over to you, armed with the absurd question of how many sets you had left. It was just as well no one else was there so there would be no witnesses to the devastation, but it wasn’t one. Far from it, in fact.

When you smiled, his stomach flipped – his first time seeing it up close, and directed at him. And that smile remained for the most part until you excused yourself back to your flat.

He swore to never leave his flat looking less than immaculate. It was a good decision, because two days later, he saw you again. He made a beeline to you at the pulldown machine as you finished your set.

“Hi,” he said, helping you with the bar.

“Hi, Johnny.” You smiled up at him. “Thanks.”

Catching you wasn’t hard after that. You told him your schedule and he tried his best to match it even when you didn’t always show. This went on for another week before he finally mustered enough courage to make his move.

“Want to grab dinner after this? Am leaving fer a trip tomorrow so I’ve got nothing in the fridge anymore.”

That wasn’t a lie, but why did he make it sound like he usually cooked his own food? He hated cooking.

“Oh, sure. I was planning on getting something too. What were you thinking?”

He made you choose the place and insisted on paying, mumbling something about you picking up the bill next time. While you appeared to be timid, it was evident it was only because you needed the right company. Over the meal, he enjoyed listening to you talk about your interests. You shared a similar taste in films and recommended each other a few titles.

When he revealed his hobby of sketching, you lit up. Upon your request, he showed you some of the drawings he’d made on his phone.

“Oh, these are wonderful!” you cooed, admiring them. “I used to draw when I was younger, nowhere near as well as you though.”

“Maybe we can sketch together.”

“I must be really rusty by now.” You let out a small laugh, handing his phone back to him. “Unless you want to teach me?”

His eyes sparkled. “Of course.”

The conversation drifted to the best restaurants in the area before he told you he was SAS. He vaguely mentioned that he dealt with demolitions, and that he’d be gone for about two weeks. You seemed impressed by this, and he found it adorable how you kept rewording your questions, as if they were going to offend him. He reassured you you could ask anything and he’d tell you what he could.

At the end of the night, he walked you to your door, and you wished him all the best for his mission with the kindest smile. He promised himself he’d be back soon to see it again.

As Johnny drove to base the next morning, still buzzing from the night before, he kicked himself for forgetting to get your number amidst his excitement.

But maybe it was just as well he forgot.

Countless times he’d been described as a mutt by people on base – too eager and impatient. Gaz had told him he pushed women away with his unfiltered enthusiasm. It was a concept he’d never been able to completely grasp: why would you want people to not show you how much they liked you? He knew he preferred that over someone who played games.

But over the years, he’d been rejected and left hanging. Perhaps there was some truth to what Gaz said. Surely, he was willing to accommodate you as to not put you off. He could be patient and match your pace.

So the morning after he came back, he trimmed his stubble to a presentable length (unfortunately he couldn’t do his own hair so the mohawk was still overgrown). He told himself to not look like he missed you too much as he entered the gym. Alas, he couldn’t hide his excitement from the sheer occurrence of seeing you.

“You’re back!“ You grinned before your gaze dropped to his neck.

The tan lines from his throat mic must have looked apparent. It was a recurring problem.

“I am. Hi,” he said, searching your face. He’d missed you.

After a warm up, he picked up a pair of dumbbells.

Next to him, you smiled. “Looking big, Johnny!”

He paused. Was he, even in his oversized shirt? Oh, you were going to make him blush.

“Ye got plans today?” he asked between sets.

“Just need to do my weekly shopping.”

“My mates told me about this place. S’not too far, think you might like it. Also I can give ye a lift. I need to do some shopping myself.”

“Oh, that would be nice. Thanks so much!”

“I feel I should have got yer number so I didn’t hav to ambush you like this.” He shrugged, pulling out his phone.

You laughed, typing your number in. “Don’t worry about it. I got no plans,” you said as you handed it back.

After his shower, Johnny flexed in the mirror. While he was away, more often than not, he would lose weight. Perhaps you meant to say he had more muscle definition, but it didn’t matter. You noticed. You shouldn’t have given him that compliment because he’d spend days thinking about it with a toothy grin.

You emerged out of your flat wearing a shirt, leggings and canvas shoes while he wore a sweater with jeans and boots. Okay, maybe he was a touch overdressed for a quick lunch and a shopping trip, but you looked so sweet in your casual attire, he couldn’t help but smile.

“I watched some of the films you recommended. You have good taste,” you quipped over lunch.

He grinned. “I’ll be sure to recommend more.”

“And I drew again last week. A castle – a bit ambitious, I admit.” You chuckled.

“How did it turn out?”

“Could have been better, but I enjoyed the process. I think it’d be nice if we could draw something together, and maybe you can give me a few pointers.”

You didn’t have to ask twice. “I’m free this afternoon.”

After the trip to the supermarket, Johnny invited you to his place to sketch. Accompanied by tea and biscuits (something he never ran out of due to his chronic sweet-tooth), the event stretched into hours as you chatted and laughed. You were a good student - following diligently and learning fast, but if he was honest, you weren’t half as bad as you said you were in the first place.

As the sky darkened, you excused yourself back home for dinner. He could have offered to cook, but he decided otherwise as he didn’t want to come off too strong (mostly because he wasn’t ready yet to reveal that he lacked the skills to).

Johnny didn’t mean to, but ever since, he made sure to go to the gym the same time you’d be there. You kept each other accountable with your workouts, reminding each other of the agreed schedule. Not like he needed the prodding - getting to see you was all the motivation he needed, but anything for an excuse to talk to you, right? Besides, it was nice when you texted him, letting him know you were heading to the gym. If he let himself fantasise, it was as if you missed him.

You’d workout together two to three times a week. You’d tell him about your day and he’d listen with a grin because why did it feel so good just to be around you? You’d ask about his day in return, and he’d talk about his mates, mostly the silly stories so he could watch you light up with that melodious laughter.

On the days in between if he couldn’t physically wait to see you again, he’d borrow some milk or eggs. If you didn’t have any either- well, I think were due for our weekly run to the supermarket anyway. Don’t worry, he’d help you carry all your shopping like always. What use were his muscles if they weren’t to help you?

Sometimes when the mood struck, you’d sketch together on Saturday afternoon after shopping. It also became a ritual to take you to dinner before his deployments. He didn’t like to show it, but he still had nerves to be calmed even after many years in the job.

When he came back – he didn’t realise it at first, but he hung around at yours as long as you allowed him to stay. Before you, he preferred to lock himself in his flat when things were fresh. It was then he noticed that he’d been falling asleep thinking of you, especially when he was away – his much needed tranquillity in the chaos. He found himself doodling you in his down time.

However, as well as things were going, it didn’t seem like they were progressing. Working out, shopping and the occasional takeout from down the street in hoodies and sweatpants seemed to be the most he could get.

Of course Johnny adored any minute he had with you, even if it was doing mundane activities. There was something weirdly intimate in seeing the everyday you, that you didn’t need anything grand to enjoy each other’s company. It made him warm and fuzzy inside, but he wanted more. You were more than a gym buddy, or someone who lived in his building. He didn’t want to imagine things with you – he wanted them to be real.

Was he not good enough for you? Was he not your type? Did he annoy you with his excuses to see you? He just wanted to feel useful.

“I can drive ye t’yer friend’s later,” he said as he helped to rerack your weights.

“I can’t let you do that.”

“I don’t mind. Will be on my way out fer lunch anyway.”

Later when you answered your door in a pretty dress, he tried to not gape. He’d never seen you dressed up as you were usually in your oversized shirt and leggings when you worked out, or anything comfortable for the shopping trips and humble meals. Still, in any state, you couldn’t get any cuter in his eyes.

When he pulled up at your friend’s, he turned to you. “Let me know if you want me to pick you up, and maybe we can grab dinner after? There’s a place I’ve been meaning to try nearby.”

“I appreciate it, really. But I don’t want to bother you, Johnny. You’ve been way too nice!”

“Is no bother. Got nothing to do today.”

It was his go-to excuse. Innocent, open-ended, welcoming. It served him well - you were always so grateful for any help from him.

He grinned when you nodded. He needed to show you off, especially when you were so cute that day. Later, you thanked him again for picking you up and insisted you pay for dinner, which he agreed to.

While the restaurant had lovely décor and beautiful, warm lighting, it was crowded that Saturday night which meant the service was slow. It didn’t matter though if he could sit there and watch you smile. Oh, you were so sweet in your outfit, your glossy lips pink and soft. If he asked nicely, would you let him hold your hand?

A voice calling for you interrupted his daydreams. You looked up at the figure approaching before a grin broke out on your face.

“Bella! Hi,” you squealed and jumped out your seat to giver her a hug.

He knew Bella. You’ve mentioned her over the months, one of your cousins. You were going to catch a film with her next week.

“What a lovely dress.” She gave you a once over, rubbing your arms before turning to him with a friendly smile. “And who’s this?”

“Oh, this is Johnny, my friend.”

He tried to hide his eye twitch as he forced a smile.

“Ah, nice to meet you.“ She clasped her hands in front of her. “Right, just wanted to say hi. We’re still on next week, yeah?”

“Yes, of course. See you soon!”

She wrapped an arm around you for another squeeze before heading back to her group of friends a few tables over.

With a giggle, you said something about Bella living nearby, but Johnny barely heard it. The fleeting exchange sent a twinge of irritation to his chest.

Friend? If he was fair, he shouldn’t have expected anything other than the generic introduction. Things had been respectful and platonic so far, which he was fine with, so why would you describe him as anything other than a mere friend?

Okay, so you took things slow, perhaps you were even a little oblivious. It was fine - it really was! It was just he wasn’t used to any of this. Much like fireworks, the crushes he’d had were usually explosive with him charging on and ending as fast as they started.

Not you though. You lingered, hiding and burrowing in the nooks and crannies of his chest like an infection. Not like he wanted you to leave, he wished you never would. Whatever this was, he’d been enjoying it, even if it was just the simple act of doing chores with you every Saturday. In fact, it was the highlight of his week. You had grown to be more than a muse, a constant company in his lonesomeness.

Sergeant John Mactavish, a sniper and demolitions expert, had an abundance of patience - usually. He thought he could play along, but perhaps he wasn’t as patient as he thought he was.

When the bill came, he swiftly sent the waiter away with a wad of cash.

“Johnny, you said you’d let me pay!”

“We’re friends. It doesn’t matter who pays,” he said, shoving his wallet back in his pocket. It was immature, but the sarcasm couldn’t help but bleed through.

He didn’t miss the way your gaze dropped. He walked you to your door, but you didn’t say much the rest of the night.

Johnny’s infuriation hadn’t dissipated by Monday morning. If any, it had thickened and hardened and stuck to his teeth.

He couldn’t believe it. Did you earnestly not realise how foul the F word you used was?

He headed to the gym on base the first chance he got – his sanctuary. The frustration that crawled under his skin was the infamous forbidden pre-workout.

“Gaz,” Johnny called as he laid on the bench, in position for a bench press. “Can ye give me a spot, mate?”

Kyle made his way over with an amused smile, standing over him by the heavily loaded bar. “Going for a PR, eh?”

“Aye,” he grunted, gripping the bar, his thumbs tucked back.

“Oi, oi! The fuck you doing, mate!” He smacked his hand.

“Need to feel something,” he said as he repositioned his grip, before puffing his chest up for the set.

Kyle pushed the bar down, preventing his teammate from lifting it off. “Not from the bar crushing your fucking windpipe though, is it?”

Johnny’s arms flailed to his sides. He sighed as he stared blandly at the ceiling. “I think my heart is broken.”

He grimaced. “Did you get dumped? I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.”

“Ah don’t think… she even sees me as a man.”

“Friendzoned then, innit?”

Johnny had never been friendzoned, because no such thing existed. The term was for cowards who couldn’t take rejections, and he was no chicken. A no was a no, and he never took it to heart.

“Ye know I hate that word.”

“No, no! It’s a good thing. It means there’s still hope.”

His blue eyes sparkled, the first since the dinner. “Wait, really?”

He nodded. “You just need to be clear with your intentions. Be physical, flirt, give her compliments.”

“I thought I’d been doing all that! Also, wasn’t it you who told me I was always too eager?”

“Sometimes when you’re too polite, birds think you’re just being friendly.” He shrugged. “You might need to be a bit bolder to get the point across.”

Was this his green light? He’d waited forever to finally wear his heart on his sleeve.

“If that doesn’t work either, then what’s left is to just be honest. But if she’s not interested, you have to be ready to walk away.”

Poor Kyle – his words fell on deaf ears. With the silly grin on his face, the Scot had stopped listening as he fantasised about shamelessly flirting with you. Oh, he was going to have a mighty good time.

Masterlist Possessive best friend Soap

@tiredmetalenthusiast @sofasoap @astraluminaaa

[vajjaa]

Chalkboard Hearts Pt III - S.H

Pairing - Teacher!Steve Harrington x Single!Mom!Reader

WC - 4.3k

Summary - A winter dance recital prompts you and Steve to spend a little more time together outside of the school.

AN - here they are again! the crowd favs it seems. thank you all so much again for the love on previous parts, i’m so excited for everyone to see where the story is headed and what these two losers get up to next. ~ emma <3

Outside the door labeled with a plaque that reads ‘Mr. Harrington’ in neat font, you can just barely make out the faint hum of a distantly familiar song. The door is slightly ajar but you still give a soft knock before entering to announce your arrival.

“Mommy!” Abbey shouts as she barrels towards you; whatever activity she was previously occupied with long forgotten.

“Hi, bug!” You greet through a quiet grunt as you hoist her up. “How was your day?”

Steve had taken to tutoring Abbey after class most days. He had originally offered under the guise that she was falling behind some of the other kids, and while that may be true, you suspect that he really offered because he noticed how guilty you’d been recently for being late picking Abbey up from school. Your job has been keeping you past three, despite having told them repeatedly that you have to clock out by two. You can’t afford to lose said job– rendering you both effectively homeless– and embarrassingly enough, Steve knows this.

“Good!” she wriggles out of your arms, not too partial for physical affection these days, “I was showing Mr. H my dance for the recital!”

“Is that so?” You ask, amused.

“Yes, but Mr. H is not very good at dancing–” she makes a pitiful face that she unsuccessfully hides from Steve.

“--Hey!” Steve laughs, “I think I’m pretty good!” Trying to sound confident but faltering, it elicits a boisterous laugh from you.

“Show us your moves then, Harrington,”

“Fine,” he huffs defiantly and hilariously contorts himself into what he thinks is a correct position for a pirouette. He balances on one foot– the other one tucked clumsily into his knee– and brings his arms up and over his head like one of those spinning jewelry box ballerinas.

“No, that’s really good. You should keep going,” you try to trap your giggling between your teeth, but Abbey doesn’t spare him such mercy, as she is literally doubled over in a fit of laughter watching him.

“Jerks!” He stops his sorry excuse for a twirl long enough to take in the sight of Abbey, who’s still cackling so much she doesn’t even notice he’s done with this antics. A knowing, affectionate glance is shared between you two at the sight of her.

“Whaddya think, Ab? Am I ready for the big stage?” He motions towards himself flamboyantly– striking a pose with his hands on his hips. Not sensing his sarcasm, she exclaims, “No!” incredulously through her gasping, trying to catch her breath. You imagine this isn’t the first instance of this happening today.

“I guess I’ll leave the dancing up to you then, huh?”

Suddenly, her expression erupts with a look of joy that only comes from a great epiphany,

“Can you come to my recital?!”

–

“Mommy that hurts!” Abbey whines from where she’s seated on the bathroom counter.

“Just a few more minutes and then we’ll be done, I promise.”

Trying to tame her unruly curls into a slicked and gelled ballerina bun was proving to be more challenging than you originally thought. Her dance teacher's instructions were very clear, however– the hair must be in a bun, accompanied by the most ridiculous amount of blush you’ve ever seen on a child, so that she doesn’t look pale under the stage lights.

One entire bottle of hair gel and several broken hair ties later, the updo is as neat as you can possibly manage, “Alright, girl, you’re all set. Let’s go get your costume on, yeah?”

She nods as you assist her off the counter and onto the tiled bathroom floor. She books it to her room and you follow suit, but when you look in her closet where you could’ve sworn you left her costume– it's nowhere to be seen.

“Abbey… where’s your costume?” You ask through a tight lipped smile, suspecting you know exactly what happened to it.

“I don’t know…” she answers mousily.

“Were you using it to play dress-up?”

She breaks instantly– her guilty conscience making it impossible for her to lie to you for very long, “Yes but!--”

“--Abbey!”

“I put it right back where I found it!”

You take a deep, grounding breath before you truly start to overreact, “Well obviously not, Ab. Just help me look for it, okay?”

Twenty excruciating minutes later, you’re sweating and on your hands and knees tearing through your daughter’s closet; the mess you’re making is a problem for your future self. Every item of clothing starts to look exactly the same– just an amalgamation of pink and glitter and blinding sequins.

“I found it, mommy!” Abbey yells triumphantly from the hallway as she sprints into her room– beaming and holding the tutu like it's a gold medal.

“Yes!” You gasp with relief and haphazardly crawl in her direction, suddenly thankful that no one else can witness you in such a state, “Hurry, let’s put it on.”

You slip the sparkly red and green costume on her as quickly as possible without damaging the bun you just spent at least an hour on. She does a little twirl, grinning ear to ear, “I feel like a princess!” She exclaims.

In the car, you struggle to buckle her seatbelt over her frilly tutu. After a little finessing, you figure it’ll be fine for the drive up the road to the local high school where the recital is being hosted in their auditorium.

–

In the lobby, you’re looking as disheveled as you feel. Abbey held one of your arms, and in the other you carried a small duffle bag full of extra hair products and a spare set of tights. She’s bouncing with nerves beside you, and asking you for at least the fifth time in ten minutes, ‘Where’s Mr. H?’

“I’m sure he’s here, Ab, we just have to find him,” you reassure her again, anxiously chewing the inside of your cheek as you scan the room for a perfectly manicured head of chestnut colored hair.

And as if he’s got some powerful sixth sense for knowing when he’s needed, you spot him timidly entering the double doors, dodging stray children and looking a little out of place. He holds a small bouquet of red roses that match the shade of his cheeks and nose– tinted red from the biting chill of early December winds.

“Steve!” You call from where you and Abbey stand near the makeshift dressing rooms– waving frantically to get his attention for your daughter's sake just as much as your own, “Over here!”

A look of recognition and then relief passes over his features when he identifies where his name is being called from, and slowly but surely starts to make his way over to you both. If he was just smiling before, he was positively beaming when he caught the sight of Abbey for the first time. His strides increase in length to catch up to you faster.

“Abbey! Look at you!” He compliments, and suddenly she’s all bashful. The man she looks up to almost as much as her own mother is here to see her perform for the first time, with a bouquet of flowers and an unrelenting grin plastered on his face. The sight does nothing to extinguish the steadily growing fire that’s made a home in the pit of your chest the past four months.

She shyly eyes the flowers in his hands– the bouquet almost the length of her own torso, “I brought these for you,” he extends them out for her and she accepts them timidly, swaying on her feet like she can’t stand to be still, “Thank you,” she all but whispers.

“Of course,” he squeezes her little hand as he straightens back to his full height. He directs his attention to you, “How are you? Did everything go alright?” Now you’re sure you look as frazzled as you feel.

“We had a mishap or two, but nothing we can’t handle. Right, Ab?” She’s not paying the slightest bit of attention– too busy observing the older kids as they mingle in front of the auditorium with their friends, “I’ll tell you about it later,” you give him a lopsided grin.

“Yeah, okay,” he nods, “when does the show start?”

Checking your watch, you reply, “Just a few minutes. I’m going to drop her off backstage, stay here.” He gives a two finger salute and you recapture Abbey’s focus enough to guide her down the hall where dozens of other dancers in identical costumes were congregating.

You kneel down to her eye level, “I’m so proud of you, you’re going to be amazing,” gently pinching her blushing cheek for emphasis, “Mr. H and I will be right up front, okay?”

She nods once, “Okay, momma,”

“I love you, Ab,” you give her one last squeeze before sending her off, albeit begrudgingly. You know she’s in good hands with the instructors, but lately it seems like the universe keeps finding new ways to shove in your face just how quickly she’s growing up.

When you relocate Steve, he’s standing exactly where you left him.

“You ready?” He asks as you approach.

“Mhm,” you nod and smile in response, suddenly too nervous to meet his gaze. Being around him with Abbey is one thing, but without her as a buffer, you find yourself getting increasingly jittery.

An usher hands Steve a program for the recital, which he promptly passes to you before thanking the woman. You can feel his right hand just barely hovering over your lower back with a featherlight pressure to guide you through the swarms of families attempting to enter the auditorium. You don’t think it’s even a conscious act, but the touch makes your heart– for lack of a better phrase– drop into your ass. You come to the stark realization that to the untrained eye, you must resemble two doting parents here to watch their child perform.

“Alright, where are we sitting?” He asks, breaking you out of your stupor.

“Oh–uhm,” trying and failing to speak around the dry muscle that sits in your mouth like lead, “Row C, I think,”

When you reach your assigned seats, he waits for you to go ahead of him, holding his arm out as if to say ‘ladies first’, just like he did that day on the bus. It makes you swoon just as much now as it did then. The auditorium feels sweltering.

“Hey,” he places a clammy hand on your knee when he notices you zoning again, “You okay?” Oh my God get it together, you think.

“Oh, yeah, it’s just,” you pull at the neckline of your wool sweater, “It’s a little warm in here, isn’t it?”

“A little bit, yeah. Long morning?” He asks with an empathetic wince.

“You could say that,” you chuckle breathlessly, “With her? Every morning is a long morning,”

“You can say that again,” he shares in your laughter, “keeps me on my toes, alright.”

“I don’t know where she gets it from,” you sigh introspectively, “some days I feel like she couldn’t be less like me even if she tried.”

“I beg to differ,” The way he smiles at you sets you on fire from the inside out, but the lights dim– signifying the beginning of the show– before you get the chance to ask him what he meant. It’s only then that he removes his palm from your leg, and you immediately miss the weight of it resting there.

The Nutcracker theme plays over the loudspeaker as a group of ten or so little girls perform a haphazardly put together ballet number. Almost all of them are doing something different, but with huge, toothy smiles on their faces nonetheless. Originally, putting Abbey in dance served as a way to tire her out before bedtime and give yourself a measly hour of alone time, but seeing how much effort she’s put into practicing and how much joy she takes in performing cements your decision to keep her in class.

She performs wonderfully, just as you suspected she would. Always your little perfectionist. You may be biased, but you thought she was the most elegant and beautiful little girl on that stage.

When the company takes their bows, you and Steve both shoot up at the same time to give a standing ovation. Everyone else stays seated, which would have been embarrassing if you weren’t so filled to the brim with pride for your daughter. There was simply no room in your body for any other emotion.

“Yay, Ab!”

“Let’s go, Abbey!”

You both shout simultaneously, clapping your hands ecstatically.

–

Back in the lobby, your arms are overflowing with Abbey’s things from the dressing room along with the flowers Steve brought her.

“Did you see me?!” She asks expectantly, as if you could’ve seen anyone else up there except for her.

“Of course we did!” Steve assures her quickly, “For a second I thought I was watching the real Nutcracker,”

She blushes wildly, “Really?” If you didn’t know better, you thought you could’ve seen stars reflecting in her pupils.

“Totally! You were the best one up there,” he takes his forefinger and mimics drawing an ‘X’ shape over the left side of his chest, “Cross my heart.”

Abbey tugs on the hem of your sweater you were starting to become too warm in again, “Can we still go get milkshakes?” she asks. You had forgotten all about her stage fright induced breakdown two days ago, during which you promised to get her a treat if she went through with performing.

Checking the time, you saw it was already well past eight o’clock– but what would one late bedtime hurt?

“Sure, that sounds yummy. Say goodbye to Mr. H, then we’ll go,” she barrels into his legs at full speed– her signature– and wraps her arms tightly around his knees.

“Bye, Abbey, I’ll see you on Monday, ‘kay?”

She reluctantly loosened her grip on his legs and made her way back to her designated spot next to you.

 “Goodbye, Steve, thanks for coming.” You give a small wave accompanied by a tender smile.

“Thanks for having me.” He said, returning the gesture.

Feeling a little reluctant yourself, just as Steve was crossing the threshold of the double doors, you called,

“Hey, Steve?”

He turned back at the sound of your voice, looking at you over his shoulder just enough for you to admire the straight slope of his nose and the twin moles on his cheek. He was giving you that warm, anticipative smile you were beginning to grow particularly fond of.

“Yeah?”

“Would you–uhm,” Don’t get nervous now, “Would you want to join us?”

–

At Benny’s, Abbey insists on sharing a booth with Steve while you sit opposite of them on an uncomfortable, sticky vinyl chair. Steve orders a basket of fries to share and shakes for the table. Strawberry for Abbey, and chocolate for the adults.

At one point, Abbey lifts the straw from the old fashioned shake glass and attempts to spoon the whipped cream into her mouth, consequently dripping the frozen treat all over the front of her sweatshirt. You try not to fuss, even though you’re plagued with the fear that you won't be able to get the stain out of her brand new hoodie. Such is having a five-year-old, you suppose.

Steve was quick to grab the napkins at the far end of the table, surprising you with his reflexes– like he knew the mishap would occur before it actually did. 

As he’s dabbing Abbey’s shirt dry, she studies his hand and asks, “Why don’t you have a wife Mr. H?”

“Abbey!--” You scold through a poorly concealed laugh. Steve barks out a shocked huff of laughter himself.

“How do you know I don’t have a wife?” He asks, looking a little dumbfounded at the suddenly intrusive line of questioning, but amused nonetheless.

“Well, mommy used to wear a ring for daddy, but you don’t wear a ring.” She observes, “Aren’t grownups supposed to be married?”

“Ab–” You grow quickly embarrassed by your child’s lack of a filter and social cues. Again, such is having a five-year-old.

“No, that’s okay,” Steve chuckles, only slightly reassuring you, “I guess I–” he contemplates, choosing his words carefully, “I just haven’t met anyone I want to marry yet,” the only thing giving you solace is the knowledge that he probably deals with children asking him much, much more embarrassing questions, all day long.

“Oh,” Abbey says, doing some of her own contemplation, “that’s okay, Mr. H,” she comforts, like a little therapist, patting his back twice before refocusing her attention back on her milkshake.

You send Steve a look across the table, trying your hardest to convey ‘I’m so sorry my child says the shit she says, forgive me?’ with just your expression. He seems to understand what you’re attempting to get across, because he simply shakes his head and smiles like he’s trying to tell you ‘I spend everyday with her, I get it. Don’t worry about it.’

You spend the next half hour or so swapping your funniest workplace stories with each other.

“So then, we’re in the middle of a quiz right? This kid, he just–” he motions with his hands near his mouth, “projectile vomits all over the desk and the kid sitting in front of him,”

“Oh…” you wince with second-hand disgust, “that’s brutal,”

“I know!” he laughs, “I literally had to evacuate the entire classroom,”

“I feel like I remember Abbey telling me about that, actually,”

At the mention of her, he glances to his side, “Speaking of,” he chuckles.

You follow his eyes to find Abbey slumped over into Steve’s side– completely dead to the world. You can tell she’s asleep by the rhythmic rise and fall of her breathing.

Steve carefully fishes a twenty dollar bill out of his jeans pocket– careful not to disturb her– and places it on the table underneath a sweaty glass that at one point contained a diet coke.

“Oh, no you don’t have to–” you say, reaching for the bill when he delicately grabs your wrist to stop you from trying to shove it back towards him. His palms are much softer than you anticipated, and the sudden movement of his arm sends a wave of his scent straight up your nose– nearly suffocating you. What a lovely way to go, you think.

“Hey, it’s okay. I want to,” he reassures you as he pushes your hand he’s still holding back in your direction. You oblige him, only because you don’t have the energy for a chivalry competition. You make a promise to yourself that if you’re ever fortunate enough to do this with him again, that you’ll foot the bill.

When you try to gently shake Abbey awake, he stops you again, “I got it,” he says, as he hoists Abbey up and carries her bridal style out of the diner and to your little sedan; you wish the waitress a good night as you exit. It’s a dark night outside, no moon or stars to be observed. The navy velvet of the sky is completely blanketed by heavy clouds. It’ll probably snow soon.

You open the rear passenger side door for Steve as he sets Abbey in her seat and fumbles a little bit with the seat belt mechanism. As he’s ducking back out, he rises just a second too early and rams his head on the top of the car with a harsh ‘THWACK!’  You try to stifle a surprised laugh behind the back of your hand as he groans and shuts the door as softly as he can.

“Oh my God, are you okay?!” You take a step closer to him as he scratches at the back of his usually perfectly coiffed locks, having lost its usual volume.

“Don’t laugh!” He playfully scolds.

“You’re laughing!” you quickly retort.

“Because you’re laughing!”

Once you’ve calmed a bit– reduced to just quiet giggling– you ask, “Can I look?” With that, he turns to give you a better look at the back of his head.

From this angle, you can unabashedly blush and grin at him and not have to worry about him seeing you. You relish in it for as long as possible, as well as the excuse to touch him, even for a moment.

“How do I look, doc? Am I gonna make it?” He says with a faux grim tone to his voice.

“Well, I’m just the receptionist– but you’re not bleeding, no cracks or contusions, either. I think you’ll be alright,”

You grin when he turns back around to face you again, this time with less space separating you, accounting for how closely you were inspecting his head. You stay like that for a moment too long, giving you just enough time to count the freckles spattered across the bridge of his nose like constellations lacking in the sky above you, and how his lashes kiss at the corner of his eyes.

He harshly clears his throat– a nervous habit, you’ve noticed– and looks down at the pavement where you stand, inches from each other.

“I’d better let you get her home, it’s getting late,”

“No yeah– definitely uhm…” you struggle to find your words again, “I’ll see you Monday?”

“Yeah,” he smiles fondly, “Oh, I uh– I wanted to give you this,” from out of his coat pocket, he pulls a crumpled piece of paper and hands it to you. It must’ve been in his pocket for at least a few hours, maybe even a few days– the ink smudged like he’d been nervously fidgeting with it before he gave it to you.

It was his phone number.

“You know, in case you ever–” he clears his throat again, “in case you ever need anything, or there’s an emergency, or something…” he trails off at the end of his thought like he’s completely regretting the gesture and already trying to figure out a way to back track, but before he can get the chance, you embrace him in a grateful hug.

“Thanks, Steve,” you say, slightly muffled by the hood of his coat, “I really appreciate everything you do for Abbey,”

He doesn’t mention how he gave the number of his landline to you in case you ever needed anything, he just takes the win for what it is. You have his phone number, and you’re hugging him. The perfect floral scent of your shampoo and whatever perfume you’re wearing flood his senses, and he immediately misses your touch when you pull away.

“Mommy?” Abbey croaks tiredly from the backseat, “Are we going home?”

“Yes, baby, one second,” you smile apologetically at Steve for what feels like the hundredth time tonight, “I’m gonna get her to bed.”

“Of course, go,” he says as he ushers you around to the driver's side door. As much as he craves to, he doesn’t open it for you. Maybe another time, he thinks.

“Goodnight, Steve.” You say before you pull the door closed.

“Goodnight, drive safe,” he aims his sights for the backseat, “Goodnight, Ab. You did awesome today,”

“Bye, Mr. H,” she waves, eyelids heavy with the exhaustion of being everyone’s favorite five-year-old all day.

Steve waits until you’ve pulled out of the parking lot, hands shoved tightly into his jeans pockets, before walking to his own car across the parking lot.

–

About halfway home and in between bouts of nodding off, Abbey asks quietly from the backseat, “Can Mr. H be like daddy?”

Startled and slightly by the nature of her question, you lock eyes with her through the rearview mirror, “What?”

Even though you fully heard her the first time, she reiterates, “I mean like, because we don’t have a daddy anymore,” she pauses– thinking, “maybe he could come live with us?”

“Oh, I don’t know, baby. It doesn’t always work like that, you know?” It breaks your heart to break hers.

“But–” she pouts in that adorable way that she does when she’s trying to lure you into giving her something she wants. Though this time, you can’t tell if it’s genuine or not. “He said he doesn’t have a wife!”

You can tell she’s too tired to have a productive discussion about this, and frankly– you have not a single idea of how to approach this subject, “Tell you what– how about we talk about it tomorrow when you wake up, yeah?” You try to reason, but secretly hoping she’s too drowsy to remember this conversation in the morning.

Mid-yawn she responds, “Okay…” clearly losing her battle with the hypnotic hum of the engine lulling her softly back to sleep.

–

At well past eleven o’clock, you find yourself sinking into the cushions of your thrifted sofa, staring at the faded piece of paper with Steve’s phone number scrawled on it so hard you thought it might burst into flames and disintegrate.

The drone of black and white reruns playing on the television was your only reprieve from the rushing spiral of your rumination, as you fought the urge to call Steve and ask what counted as ‘an emergency or…something.’

You wondered, against your better judgement, what you’d be interrupting if you gave into your temptation. You wonder if he, too, is lying restless somewhere in his house just like you were– if he has someone there to keep him company, and maybe you’d gotten this all wrong. You wonder if his walls are filled to the brim with photos of his life before Maine, and what brought him here in the first place. You wonder if he sleeps with the fan on or off.

You wonder if you should even be feeling this way at all.

But somewhere, in a mostly empty house on Ashburton street, Steve is staring at the white expanse of his popcorn ceiling of his bedroom pondering identical thoughts about you.

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