valdomarxxx

[valdomarxxx]

Oh, hello 👀

I already like Valdo with evil moustache 😂

[valdomarxxx]

Just because I "long for their undivided attention" and "daydream about pinning them against a wall" doesn't mean I'm gay that's just how rivalry works.

"homoerotic undertones" my ass I just want my rival to be down to fuck

[valdomarxxx]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present – Valdo Marx, troubadour of Cidaris.

[valdomarxxx]

I AM NOT ED SHEERAN

thank GOD

[valdomarxxx]

In parting, please enjoy this lovely portrait-card Jaskier sent us from his travels, as he so did so regret not being able to see you all off. The message on the back is rather mysterious, perhaps he (or his paramour) meant to send it to Geralt instead? 

~ Dandelion

(this beautiful collaboration is brought to you by @srapsodia, @rebrandedbard and @julek) 

[valdomarxxx]

The Valdo Marx-ter list

Some highlights from the various misadventures of @valdomarxxx, in chronological(ish) order. Enjoy!

Valdo introduces himself

... and immediately begins antagonising Jaskier

Val is "dominating"

Did you fuck my Witcher, Valdo

Valdo & Jask have a spat about... blowing an instrument

More fighting (Friends to what)

Deny the feelings, Val

why did you draw hearts around Jaskier

......and the follow up, in which Jaskier squirms beneath him

"what started the rivalry" pt 1

"what started the rivalry" pt 2

Valdo talks about "daggers", and gets poetic

Valdo discovers Joey Batey

(and his arse)

...much to everybody's amusement

Stage names

Valdo and Merry get into a fight (and I truly lose my mind)

Valdo gets a new icon (again; thanks to @srapsodia who genuinely had no idea who Valdo really was)

On being a bard

Valdo meets Eskel & passes on a message

Did you always want to be a bard - Pt 1

Love triangles

WATB DAY ONE - Giving Gifts

WATB DAY TWO - Meeting after a long time apart

WATB DAY THREE - Sex with a "stranger"

Why would you cling to someone for twenty years who never even loved you...

WATB DAY FOUR - Witcher discrimination

Favourite/least favourite things about Jaskier

WATB DAY FIVE - Hades & Persephone

"If you break their heart, you break mine too"

WATB DAY SIX - Dancing

WATB DAY SEVEN - Sharing something vulnerable (Essi poem)

WATB DAY EIGHT - Bedtime stories

Valdo tries and fails to flirt with Geralt

Having highly erotic fantasies about your bros is normal, right

More denial (now Jaskier is involved too)

WATB DAY NINE - Role reversal (Valdo gets dumped)

Valdo has fun with innuendo

WATB DAY TEN - There was only one bed

Valdo gets drunk (and refuses to confess)

Valdo is still drunk (and writes a limerick, badly)

WATB DAY ELEVEN - Sex pollen

Valdo is drunk and horny on main

Valdo realises he might have to do something about this mess

Jaskier in a dress

Valdo struggles with WATB DAY TWELVE, "deadly serious curses"

...and Geralt is typically cagey with the information about a very specific curse

Valdo decides to tell Jaskier how he feels

....and then someone sends him a video of Jaskier wishing for his death.

And then the second S2 trailer drops, thank you Netflix.

WATB DAY FOURTEEN - Hands and hand injury (check out the tags too)

Beetle!Valdo, my beloved. Thank you @flowercrown-bard!

Valdo writes a poem in response to Jaskier's confession

WATB DAY FIFTEEN - VALDO CONFESSES ALL!!

And messages Jaskier to tell him how he feels (with a happy ending)

Wrapping up/revealing who Valdo really was

[valdomarxxx]

Can confirm: it was Merry

IT WAS YOU????????????

IT WAS ME

[valdomarxxx]

Well this has been an enlightening experiment, to say the least. And successful, I think.

Very successful.

But now it is time to end it. I am exceedingly busy and important, after all, and soon I must return to the academy, and to court, and the road.

And... other places. I have someone I desperately need to see, and I hope to be far too distracted for blogging. I'll send him your regards, hmm?

What an odd couple of months it has been. And wonderful, of course. Thank you to all my steadfast followers for their devotion, and to every Anon, even those who sent me strange messages. It has certainly been an experience!

My sincerest congratulations to the wonderful people assisting our mutual - ah - friend - who organised and ran the @whataboutthebard​ event. I wish to stress that we are in no way affiliated.

No, really. They weren't expecting me either 😘

I shall leave this blog live for posterity's sake, just in case any of you wish to read back on my misadventures on this blue hellsite.

Adieu,

P.S.

I had nearly forgotten! One more thanks is needed, of course. I express my humblest gratitude to @a-kind-of-merry-war​  for all her assistance in setting up, establishing, and running this  blog for me during this turbulent time. I'm sure she'll be more than  happy to field any of your remaining questions 💕

[valdomarxxx]

How did I get so invested in your prose.

What the fuck. What

I didn't think I would care so much about a character bard I know, ultimately, so little about (I suppose you would consider me part of "the masses", as it happens) but reading your blog has been an absolute treat these past few weeks.

I guess I got attached to the man as well as to the poet (which are, in this case, the same person. Of course.)

Wish you the best my dude

Thank you, My Dude. It is a testament to my writing that you feel so attached, and I am grateful to you for telling me!

It has been an interesting few weeks, hasn't it? I think I have found myself more attached to the man behind the bard as well... if that was at all possible.

I am glad I could bring you such joy, and I wish only the best for you too 💕

[valdomarxxx]

[valdomarxxx]

Now what, Val?

Good question, Anon. I can't say I know for sure. You could claim that's what makes it so thrilling.

I can guess at what our future holds... but that isn't for me to share anymore. I suppose I will have to wait and see.

[valdomarxxx]

Cornish Breakers, David James, 1893

Oil on canvas 25 ¼ x 50 in. (64.2 x 127 cm)

[valdomarxxx]

your new header!!! it's lovely! and congrats for making us all cry haha

Ah, someone noticed. I thought I was being sneaky.

[valdomarxxx]

I am so happy for you!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Well isn't this sweet. Thank you, Anon.

[valdomarxxx]

Reblog to send every single person who has read one of your stories a forehead kiss

[valdomarxxx]

Everytime I hear the phrase "Great Minds think alike" I am inevitably reminded that the German equivalent is "Zwei Dumme ein Gedanke" (Two Idiots same thought)