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3 EASY looks with the Alter Ego Artemis palette (dupe for the Natasha Denona Metropolis palette). by Valery Brennan

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Okay so I broke my no buy (blame covid) BUT because of that...now we get this video :) Instagram: https://ift.tt/2ckAcvH Facebook: https://ift.tt/2iK9DWf For more beauty tips and tricks and outfit posts, check out my blog! https://ift.tt/2ckAUZL by Valery Brennan

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What I’m Reading

I’ll be honest, it’s hard to write right now. Lately, I’ve spent a lot of time going through resources to learn more about being a good ally, and refreshing myself on a lot of history I learned in college. That being said – I’ve also been diving into my library list pretty hard.

One of my first blog posts EVER way back in 2014 was about ebooks and how to check them out from the library and, spoiler alert, that’s still how I get my books! Lately I’ve been loving audiobooks – my brain has been struggling a bit, so audiobooks are a great way to keep reading even when head isn’t in the best spot. I’m also focusing on books by Black authors right now, I try to have a nice variety of topics and I think I have a pretty good balance at the moment. Here’s what I currently have checked out.

Redefining Realness by Janet Mock (audiobook) – If you’re unfamiliar with Janet Mock, she’s an amazing trans activist, writer, director and more. This autobiography is so beautifully written but I’ll be honest, I had to take a little break due to some pretty graphic descriptions of child sexual abuse.

Eloquent Rage by Brittney Cooper (audiobook) – I haven’t started this one yet but I’m so excited to dive in. I’m actually reading it with a Facebook group and I’m eager to discuss it with them.

You Can’t Touch My Hair by Phoebe Robinson (audiobook) – I’m about halfway through this one and really enjoying it! It’s a nice balance of humor, pop culture, conversations about race, and autobiography. I have never listened to the Two Dope Queens podcast, but I’m glad I decided to pick this one up. It’s nice when I need something a little lighter.

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah (ebook) – I’ve been watching a lot of Trevor Noah clips lately and had the pleasure of seeing him live this past February so when I saw his book while I was browsing Libby I knew I had to place a hold! Thankfully I finally got my hands on a copy and am so excited to get started.

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston (audiobook) – Somehow I’ve never read this book, and what better time to start than now?

And just for fun, here’s what’s on my “Holds” list (but clearly I have enough to keep me busy for a couple of weeks with the above books!)

Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

Untamed by Glennon Doyle (not by a Black author, but it’s been on my list for some time now)

How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

How to Be Less Stupid About Race by Crystal Marie Fleming

White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo

And lastly, if you need some resources for being a good ally and/or learning more about racial injustice in this country here are some good starting points:

http://bit.ly/ANTIRACISMRESOURCES

https://alittlebrittoffun.com/anti-blackness

13th (documentary directed by Ava DuVernay) – available on Netflix or free on Youtube

What’s on your reading list right now?

xoxo Valery

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White People, It’s Time to Stop Saying “I Don’t Understand”

Lately, I’ve been trying to listen more. When I first became more “in tune” with social justice issues I was very LOUD. Always yelling (figuratively) about what was going on in the world, organizing protests at Texas A&M, etc. I thought that was what I should be doing. And I don’t think there’s anything *wrong* with that, it was part of my process. But now I’m trying to talk less. I try to amplify voices of Black and Brown people and let them tell their own story. I’m trying to make it less about me.

There’s a balance though, right? And I’m trying to find that. To speak out and be an ally, but not speak over Black and Brown people. To not be silent, but also to not seem performative. To educate white people, but not speak out of turn when others should have the floor. That being said, today I’m speaking out. 

With the deaths of George Floyd (suffocated while in police custody), Breyona Taylor (murdered by police during a raid….they were in the wrong house), and Ahmaud Arbery (gunned down by two white men who were FINALLY arrested three months later) in the news, I’ve seen lots of white folks say “I don’t understand.” And honestly….I’ve had enough of that. If you are a grown adult, and your response to this is “I don’t understand” then it’s time for you to do the work to understand. 

Please, please stop expecting Black people to do the work to help you understand. There are MANY resources out there to help you understand, but today I’m giving you the short version. It’s white supremacy. It’s white privilege. That is why you don’t understand. Because if you are white this COULD NOT happen to you. Not like this. You don’t understand because you won’t have to teach your child how to de-escalate a police situation and MAYBE avoid an unnecessary death. You don’t understand because you can walk freely in your neighborhood and no one looks twice at you. 

STOP saying you don’t understand because now you see it, so it’s time to get to work. 

Some resources to get you started:

White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice

Rachel Cargle’s Racial Justice Research Document

I don’t want to overwhelm you with resources, so just start there. Then do some more work and find more resources. Read, learn, follow Black activists and share their work. Pay for their work when you can. Talk to other white people about what you’ve learned. This is by FAR the hardest part of this process, but it’s the most important step.

White supremacy is OUR problem to fix, white people. So let’s fix it because every death is another one on our hands.

xoxo Valery

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Why I Left Youtube (and why I’m back!)

It’s been a long time coming but y’all…I’m back on Youtube! This is one of THREE videos I recorded Sunday (okay actually four, but one was too out of focus to use lol) so never fear, more content is coming SOON!

Give it a watch and make sure to subscribe if you like what you see. I’ll be posting all of my videos here on the blog too, but subscribers help creators A TON.

As always thank you SO much for reading (and watching) – I can’t do this alone.

xoxo Valery

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After 2.5 years.....I'm back! The beginning is a smidge out of focus but I promise it gets better :) If you want to catch up on my recent blog posts, visit valerybrennan.com and I will see you very very soon! by Valery Brennan

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Snowy in Aspen

Y’all I can’t even lie, I don’t really know where to start with this post. I took these photos (by myself! with a self timer!) weeks ago and I love them but like….how do I even talk about clothes anymore? It’s been so long since I wrote a “fashion” post but here we are. 

My no-buy has me focusing a LOT more on building looks I love with things I already have because (duh) I can’t buy anything new. This look is really the epitome of my energy lately and I’m kind of loving it. Strong. Classic. Neutral. But still with hints of edge and interest. I don’t think I’ll ever be a minimalist or fully neutral, but simple looks like this have made me feel more confident than ever, I just make sure to incorporate some of my personality so it doesn’t feel “drab.”

Outfit details:

Coat – thrifted Blazer – stolen from my mom’s closet

  Bodysuit – American Eagle Belt – thrifted Jeans – gifted from Stephanie Drenka Boots – Betsey Johnson Target (VERY old but maybe you can find on eBay/Poshmark/Depop

It’s been weird finding myself liking more classic styles because it’s so far from what I’ve always loved. In some ways it’s uncomfortable looking so “normal” (if you know have ever been an “alternative/edgy” person, you know exactly what I mean). And don’t get me wrong, there will always be hints of eccentricity in my looks, but I’m really enjoying more classic vibes too. 

I’m really curious to see how my style continues to evolve through 2020. That’s the beauty of fashion though, right? Those ebbs and flows that allow you to express yourself through your clothing? It’s fun, and I’m ready to take this journey. Who knows, maybe by December I’ll be weirder than ever

  xoxo Valery

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No-Buy Check In: February

It’s been one month since I started my no-buy! As part of my accountability, I’m going to touch base each month and share what I’ve spent. I’ll be honest, I feel kinda weird sharing these numbers but hey….this is what I signed up for!

Old Navy (Jan 1, before no buy started) – $77 on workout clothes

Boohoo (Jan 1, before no buy started) – $142

Home Depot – $40 on two plants

Sephora – $15 (renewed automatically)

Nails (2 appointments) – $57 + $62

Ben Folds book – $28

Beetlejuice ticket – $37

Kesha concert ticket – $75

Boxycharm – $26

Sally Beauty – $18 =$577

Wow, I’m going to be honest it really didn’t seem like I spent this much. I really regret the Boohoo and Old Navy purchases and it’s hard not to feel guilty. But hey, it was before my no-buy started, and what a way to go out lol. Plus, I already ripped one pair of workout leggings I bought from Old Navy. Sigh. BUT I’m going to just make sure that stuff gets lots of wear and not beat myself up over it. The pink suit above and outfits below were both in the Boohoo haul of stuff.

I’m technically only supposed to buy one plant per month but I cheated because Home Depot had a very rare DREAM plant of mine for a great price. 

I am SUPER annoyed my Sephora Flash subscription auto renewed since I likely won’t be using it at all this year. But I went ahead and canceled the auto renew so at least I know it won’t happen again.

I get my nails done every three weeks so some months will have two appointments and some just one. Right now I get gel polish on top of my acrylics but I’m planning on switching to regular which will save me $15/appointment.

Ben Folds was a once in a lifetime thing (I got to meet him and he signed the book!) and same with my Beetlejuice ticket since it’s leaving Broadway this summer. No regrets whatsoever. Plus, I bought a standing room only ticket and saved TONS of money over a regular ticket. (I’m going to do a full New York post and talk more about this, I promise!)

So that’s where I landed this month. I did have the flu for over a week in January, which I have to admit made it a little easier to not shop (even online…I had NO energy to do anything). I’m curious to see how things go during a more “normal” month. I’ll be traveling for work but otherwise will be home. Here’s to a more successful February!

xoxo Valery

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I have the flu.

Full disclosure, I am writing this post after spending five days in bed, courtesy of the flu. I just needed to write something, but my brain isn’t in the best shape right now. So…here’s a list of things I want to do right now but can’t, because I have the flu.

Laundry. Today I finally took some clothes down to the basement and then literally had to rest for an hour to recover.

Purge my makeup drawer. I have at least a few things I KNOW I want to get rid of, but I don’t want to get my germy hands on anything until I know I’m not contagious anymore.

Go buy Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Honestly, my plan was to send my husband to do this but he has been waiting on me hand and foot for the last five days, so this will just wait until I’m feeling better.

Exercise. I feel like I’m going CRAZY not being able to work out at all. I’ve done a bit of stretching here and there but my brain wants more.

Make my own food. Bless my husband for taking care of me (and he’s done an amazing job) but I’m so tired of feeling helpless.

Drive. I drove one mile to the doctor yesterday and I’ll be honest, it probably was not the safest thing to do. 

Clean the house. It’s a disaster, y’all.

Fix my hair/do my makeup/get dressed. Yesterday I did make it out of sweatpants (but it was into leggings and it was only to go to the doctor – ps it’s been over 24 hours and I’m still wearing the same leggings #glamorous).

Grocery shop. I have a full list of groceries but no energy to go get them (seriously considering doing the grocery store pickup just this once – usually I’m too cheap to spend the money on it).

Go see Uncut Gems. I’ve been DYING to see this movie since the first trailer came out and the stars just haven’t aligned. Y’all cross your fingers that it’s still in theaters when I’m feeling better!

Thank goodness I’m on the up and up now but y’all….I just want to feel normal again! This is definitely a MAJOR reminder to prioritize getting my flu shot every year. I work from home so I kind of shrugged it off and said “eh I don’t see that many people anyway” which is so ridiculous. Of course I still interact with tons of people, especially since I travel a lot! If you’re able to, please please get the flu shot. Don’t be like me. It puts you at risk, but it also puts people who can’t get the shot at risk. Do your part. Also wash your hands a ton, especially when you’re traveling (gross).

xoxo Valery

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Why I’m Committing to A (Very) Low Buy 2020

“I’m done with shopping in excess and done with filling any emotional void that I have with stuff.” – Christina, aka Style Apotheca

Y’all, I have to admit something…I have an unhealthy relationship with shopping. I’ve known this for a while. Although I am very thrifty and try to spend wisely, I still buy too much. I am a “pack rat” by nature and my house always feels cluttered. Yet, I always want more.

I first heard about people doing “no buys” a few years ago and my first thought was “wow I should do that” and my second thought was “no way in hell I can do that.” I knew my spending was out of control, but I wasn’t ready to face it. I didn’t want to stop. Shopping makes me feel good. New things make me feel better. Even if once I get those new things I only use them once or twice and then they just take up space.

BIG YIKES.

As I started to think more about what I wanted from this year, a sense of calm is what I longed for most. Serenity. (Read more about why I chose it as my word of the year here). And I knew I couldn’t have a sense of calm with the current state of my house. So I committed to a declutter (and it’s been going great! More on that sometime in the future) but deep down I knew I would fill it back up with more stuff. That was a hard realization to face.

The idea of doing a no buy year popped back into my brain so I started to do a little research. I watched HOURS of youtube videos from folks who have done them before. Why they did it, tips and tricks, success stories (and things that were tough) and I decided it was finally time. So this year, in 2020, I’m buying less. Like….WAY less.

Here are the main reasons why I’m committing to a (very) low buy:

To break my bad shopping habit and (more importantly) stop relying on it as a temporary fix for emotional and mental problems

To reduce clutter in my home

To appreciate and use what I already have

To save money and pay off debt

To lessen my environmental impact

To push myself to value experiences over things

Now the thing about a no (or low) buy month/year/life is that you have to set your own ground rules. Not everyone’s will look the same and that’s a good thing! Clothing is the main thing I want to reduce, but there are other things to keep in mind as well, so here’s where I landed with my rules.

No NEW clothes in 2020. Nothing that’s brand new. I’m giving myself ONE exception here and that’s to purchase a pair of Doc Martens. I’ve wanted them for years and I don’t want to buy used because an important part of having them is breaking them into your own feet. I’m comfortable with this purchase because I know I will have them for many many years to come.

If I NEED something (all of my jeans rip, my workout pants don’t fit, etc) swap or buy secondhand.

I have to abide by the “one in, one out” rule.

And if I buy something, it must be purchased with money I make from selling other items on Depop. This is a toughie but I’m confident it won’t be a problem…I have lots of clothes to get rid of.

No new makeup except replacements for things I don’t have more of (foundation, concealer, etc). I’m keeping my Boxycharm subscription through April, and then I will cancel that for the remainder of 2020.

No home decor purchases unless it’s agreed upon with my husband that it’s something we need.

So what CAN I buy?! Here’s what I’m okay with:

One plant per month (maximum). I love my plants and since they require care, it’s not something that just sits in a dark closet.

Experiences (concerts, trips, etc) I have a “personal spending” budget each month, so experiences are okay as long as they fit into my budget.

Small (useful) souvenirs from trips I take. I have a terrible memory, and it’s really important for me to have small mementos of vacations. I will set a budget for this before each trip.

I have an Alamo Drafthouse season pass, so I will continue to pay for that monthly and see movies on a fixed budget.

Candle-making supplies are okay, because that’s a date night (at home) for me and my husband. But only buy more when I run out.

What do I do now? It’s weird because this is a massive goal but I really don’t have to do much, it’s more what I have to not do. But here are a few things to get the ball rolling for me:

Take photos and list all unwanted clothing on Depop (my username is valerybrennan if you want to follow along!)

Go through closets (again) to make sure there’s nothing else to list

Open a savings account specifically for “emergency clothing” and put Depop sales money into that account

Enjoy all the things I CAN do and fall in love with the possessions I have

Take photos of my outfits. I plan on snapping daily outfits to see if I can keep the creative juices flowing all year long! Not sure what I’ll do with the photos, we’ll see how that goes.

So….who’s in!? It’s okay if you’re reading this and you’re like “you’re crazy.” I get it! This is a super personal decision and this year is the right time for me. If you’re doing your own low/no buy, let me know! I’d love to encourage you (and maybe call on you when I’m super tempted lol!)

xoxo Valery

ps I can’t stop laughing about the fact that I came back to blogging and then immediately decided I wasn’t going to buy any more clothes lol.

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Serenity Now!

If you’ve been reading blogs for the last few years, you KNOW coming up with a word of the year is the thing to do! I’ve done it for the last five or so years, and I’ll admit sometimes it’s helpful and sometimes it’s not. Last year, I really derailed my own goals when I made a decision to close my store. I scrapped all goals I had, ignored my word, and went into survival mode. Things happen!

This year looks completely different. All of my goals (I’ll share them next week) are more about my quality of life than the number of sales I’m making or (gasp) whether or not I’ll finally hit 10k on Instagram. I’m not saying this to judge people who have those goals, of course, but that’s not me anymore. At least not this year. This year is a year for peace. For serenity.

Serenity: the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

Boy, does that sound nice. I’m tired of feeling stressed out all the time. Of not taking care of my mental and physical health. Of having a messy house because I have too much clutter. Of having debt and not much savings. I want peace.

I know Lloyd Braun says “Serenity now, insanity later” but I believe 2020 will be the year I create a sense of serenity in my own life to prevent insanity later. Not everything will be perfect, but I’m looking forward to changing my life so that when the world throws punches at me, I have a place to go (both physically and mentally) that feels peaceful.

xoxo Valery

ps at some point I want to start using original photos, but for now, stock photos are keeping this blog moving so that’s what I’m going to do!

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Reflecting on 2019

AKA where have I been since the end of 2018.

Goal making is great, and now is the season to look ahead BUT how often do we take the time to actually reflect? We spend so much time go-go-going that we don’t appreciate how far we have come. I’m not going to lie, making this list really brought me a lot of pride and gratitude. 2019 was a big year is growth for me! So here are a few things I accomplished in 2019:

A costume department from a network tv show (Madam Secretary) bought shirts from my shop. I don’t think they ever made it on camera, but I was still so proud that they even considered my work for something like that! 

I packed my car FULL, drove it to Vegas and sold my goodies at a comic con. (I also made money at that con, even after all the major travel expenses!)

I turned 30 and didn’t freak out about it too much!

I took two different trips with friends

After the Vegas con, I stayed a few extra days and my besties Sevi and Stephanie came to Vegas to celebrate my 30th birthday! It was such an amazing time especially since I don’t live in Texas anymore so my time with them is limited.

In October, Lindsay and I went to Chicago for Ace Comic Con! More on that in a bit.

I told myself I wanted to meet Taron Egerton and I did it! Rocketman was easily the most important film I saw this year so after my first viewing, I told Lindsay we would go to a con if he was ever announced. Sure enough a few months later he was added to the Ace Comic Con lineup so Lindsay and I started planning our trip! I’ll write a full post about the con because it was AMAZING!

I closed my business. This was super bittersweet but I’m proud of myself for doing it. Click here to read why.

I sold Fiercely products at a bunch of markets (before I closed it down, obviously).

I went full time at my job (and it’s a job I love and am passionate about!)

I went to a Paul McCartney show (my fourth one I think) and sat on the floor alone. It was magical.

I went to more social events in Denver to meet more people

I saw my first Broadway show (actually three! Tootsie, Network and, unfortunately, King Kong)

I met and shared my tattoo with Bryan Cranston. Of course he was an absolute angel about it. Read the whole story here.

I started training on Aaptiv and (related) made major strides in relationship with food and exercise!

I started thrifting first instead of just periodically for random things

I spent more quality time with my husband 

We fostered three wonderful puppies (and I am really itching to foster more – just have to stop traveling for a bit).

I would really encourage you to sit down and think through your year – what did you accomplish? I bet it’s a lot more than you give yourself credit for

xoxo Valery

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Goodbye, Fiercely.

Hey y’all! This post was written in the summer of 2019. I wanted to go ahead and put it here since my shop blog no longer exists but this is a very important part of my story.

Well y’all, I’ll go ahead and rip off the bandaid – Fiercely is closing down. Yep, the big sale we’re having isn’t just a “summer sale” it’s a big ol’ “going out of business sale.” *cue the tears*

Why?!

I know this is going to be the big question so let’s hit it first. Why? Because I’ve been running a business of some kind since 2009. All while having a full time (or 30+ an hour part time) job. It’s been hard. It’s been wonderful. But I’m exhausted. I’m ready to spend more time with my husband and my dogs. I’m ready to finally meet some people in Denver outside of business groups and networking. There’s a little more to it than that, though.

Anxiety. Ohhhh the anxiety.

Apparently working 30-40 hours a week at a “day job” and then spend every other minute working on your side hustle is not great for your body. Who knew?! Also when I was not working, I was suffering from crippling anxiety about the things I should be working on. It was a LOT. It has been constant for the last 18 months and enough is enough. 

Finding myself.

As a society, we have fetishized “the hustle”/entrpreneurship/girlbossiness in an unhealthy way. Life doesn’t have to be about grinding 24/7 and I think a lot of us are realizing that. (I could go on and on about this, but this blog post is already plenty long enough.) About a month ago, I had a little mini breakdown and realized I hardly know who I am outside of “business owner.” Talk about an existential crisis. People who haven’t known me long probably just know me as someone who is always doing something, someone who is always busy. And I realized I don’t want to be JUST that person. So it’s time to, quite literally, find myself again. (Fun fact, I learned that I still REALLY love playing Mario! I haven’t done that regularly in YEARS.)

Money.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room – money. This is not meant to be a sob story but I think it’s important to be totally transparent with you guys and just say that I was never able to make the money I thought I would with Fiercely. And that’s totally okay! Sometimes things just don’t work out and that’s fine. I’m thankful I’m not walking away with a ton of debt or anything, but I did some calculations on what I made hourly last year and it’s….haunting lol.

That being said, I beg of you to support small businesses you love with your dollars. And again PLEASE do not think I’m guilt-tripping you because money is a very small part of this decision. But I just want to reiterate how important it is to financially support businesses you love because they will die without it. I’m very thankful that I’ve always had a “day job” and never had to panic about money, but it was still brutal working so many hours for so little return.

I love my “day job.”

Here’s something you don’t hear from a lot of small business owners – I LOVE my day job. I seriously have one of the coolest jobs I could ever imagine for myself. I work for a small marketing firm with some fabulous coworkers. I’ve known my boss (and worked with him in some capacity) since 2007. Since we’re a small firm we all do a lot, but the majority of my time is spent with two main clients – one is a performing arts center in one of the top luxury travel destinations in the US, and another is a Broadway-level touring show that’s based out of the UK. I get to be creative and flex my talents on a daily basis. I get to travel. I get to go to cool shows. I am immersed in the arts. I have literally NO desire to quit my day job (and yes, I’m fully aware of how blessed I am).

I am working my life away.

I kind of already mentioned this, but honestly the breaking point for me was when I realized I was quite literally working my life away. Maybe it’s because I just turned 30 but I definitely had an “aha moment” where I asked myself WHY I was doing this. Working countless hours a week, running my own business and also working for someone else with no end in sight….why?! I had to revert back to my “why” and remember why I started Fiercely in the first place (and reflect on where I am now). 

Reason #1 – to give myself a creative outlet (at the time I was at a job that wasn’t challenging me and my brain felt stifled) – this was great for a time, but I don’t need it anymore

Reason #2 -as a place to express my frustration and anger with *gestures wildly* the general state of the world – I feel like I did this and I’m in a bit of a different place now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still angry but Fiercely made it really difficult for me to be “an activist” in the way that I’m feeling called to be now. 

Reason #3 -to give other people the opportunity to express themselves too – I’m honestly so proud of the fact that I gave so many people a shirt to wear that makes them feel empowered, emboldened, and like part of a community. This is for sure the hardest “why” to give up.

Reason #4 -to make some extra money – we’ve already been over this one

Reason #5 -to raise money for some amazing organizations – we did this! I’m really proud of the donations that were made because of you guys, so THANK YOU for making this possible.

I know this is long but hey, you guys deserve an explanation because you are truly the reason I have kept this going as long as I have. It honestly devastates me to leave behind this little community and I REALLY HOPE you will all stay in touch via my personal Instagram, @valerybrennan.

Closing Timeline

So here’s what the timeline looks like for Fiercely. I can’t just cut the cord so it’s going to drag out a little more than most people would lol. 

We’ll be running a big closing sale now through the end of August on some of our styles. The sale might end sooner if we run out of stock before then.

The online shop will remain open (with limited items available) until October 15 so make sure you get your orders in before then!

Social media is going to slow down A LOT. Please don’t DM me on Instagram if you need help with business stuff, send an email to hello (at) shopfiercely.com. I’m not going to say I won’t be on Instagram at all because I probably will, but it will be sporadic.

I love you guys so much. Let’s keep changing the world together, okay? (And don’t forget to stay in touch with my personal Instagram, @valerybrennan!)

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Baby Come Back (okay, I did)

I’ve been “going to get back into blogging” for about three months now. I am fairly certain everyone around me is tired of hearing me mention it….I know I am. So here I am. I’m blogging!

As you may already know, I closed down my shop in October. I announced it a few months before that, so it was a slow change. That’s how I like to operate. I make decisions quickly, but I prolong the process. When I did it, I kind of figured I would start blogging again but to be honest I don’t really know what that’s going to look like yet. I’ve been doing this for a while (since 2014??!) now, I know what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to relaunch with a bunch of great content, a lead generator, a shiny new theme, all that jazz. But life isn’t always that pretty.

So I’m taking my own advice that I used to give people….just freaking start. You want to blog? Cool, write some posts. You’ll figure things out along the way and you will hone in on what you want to do. The last couple of years I felt kind of pigeonholed by my business and now that I have the freedom to write whatever I want, I am crippled by that freedom. I am exhausting.

So thanks for joining me on this journey as I rediscover my love for blogging and dust off the ol’ camera. Here’s a little bit of what to expect, this list might shorten, expand or change at anytime.

Thrifted fashion (honestly this is my number one priority for the blog currently)

Lifestyle 

Thrifted home decor and projects

Beauty (maybe more on Instagram but it will probably make its way here, too)

Denver local spots

Maybe some concert reviews? 

Movie reviews?! I go to the movies all the dang time so that could be fun

I’m really really glad to be back. I’m terrified. But I feel at home. Thanks for having me.

xoxo Valery

ps I have a lot of work to do on the layout of this blog so just….bear with me, okay?

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Get more information and buy your tickets today at aspenlaugh.com! by Valery Brennan

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How New Pants Changed My Life

Make sure to scroll down to the bottom of this post for Black Friday sale details!!!

It’s amazing what a pair of pants that fit you can do for your confidence (or in my case, like four pants). I’ve been out of practice here on this blog for a while and I couldn’t really figure out why. I was busy, but I’m always busy so that’s not really anything new. And then, I saw this tweet from my friend Kim.

And I thought about how I was always squeezing into my pants. Feeling like I was “too big” for everything and hating how I looked. I’ve tried to thrift some pants lately but I haven’t been successful (sizing on vintage jeans is RIDICULOUS) so I decided to just bite the bullet and buy some new jeans. I’d love to tell you I bought one pair of really great jeans but let’s be honest, that’s not my style lol. Instead I bought four pairs of jeans at Target (including another pair of my favorite jeans, but in a size down because these bad boys stretch out a lot).

And WOWWWWW I feel like my life changed. My confidence skyrocketed and I was COMFORTABLE. I seriously forgot what it felt like to have jeans that fit me. It sounds wild, but I bet a lot of you have experienced this too.

I’ve been thinking about my body a lot lately as we enter the season of “don’t overeat” and then (shudder) the season of “you need to lose weight.” I’m fighting HARD to love my body as it is and not worry about things being flattering. I’m going to wear stuff that fits me so I can feel comfortable and I’m going to keep wearing interesting things because no one should have a boring wardrobe. Unless you’re into that kind of thing. Which is totally fine, too.

A few pieces of advice for surviving the holiday season:

Eat those rolls if you want ‘em. Same goes for dessert, mac and cheese, and whatever else is served.

Get you a pair of pants that fits GREAT.

Stay off the scale.

Exercise because it makes you feel good, not because you need to “burn off” your meals.

Don’t let anyone shame you for your size, your weight, what’s on your plate, or how many servings you’ve had.

Eat small portions because then you get to have like four dinners and that’s just plain fun.

xoxo

Valery

ps it’s Black Friday, so of course we’ve got a big sale going on at Fiercely! Buy one, get one 50% off all (adult size) shirts and sweatshirts! Yep, including the one I’m wearing above. Click here to shop!

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An Open Letter to Survivors | Guest Post

Hello, friends – Valery here! Today I am so excited to have another guest post to share with you. Tori is an AMAZING woman that I’ve had the privilege of getting to know here in Denver. Also one quick note since tomorrow is election day….PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get out there and vote. It’s so important, it’s your civic duty, and if you’re a woman and/or person of color there are so many people who have come before us to fight for our rights to vote! We owe it to them AND ourselves!

An Open Letter to Survivors

By Tori Nicole, Women’s Sexual Health Educator

I have sat staring at this screen for a solid 20 minutes trying to figure out where to begin. I had a completely different topic planned out about orgasms and why they are good for our mental and physical health, but then events happened in our country last week* and I felt called to address that instead. I thought about what I might want to hear right now if I were in a different place in my journey. I’m not sure exactly, so I’m going to start with what I know, my experience. Don’t worry, I won’t be sharing any details, that isn’t what this post is about.

Over a decade ago I went through Hell. And I suffered through it mostly alone for two years. I didn’t know how to talk about it. I didn’t know how to keep functioning like a normal person. I remember thinking it was like I got initiated into some really fucked up club: “The People Are Really Shitty and You Can Never Unknow That Now” Club. I was angry and not kind to myself.

I don’t tell you this so you feel sorry for me. I don’t tell you this to remind you of your own experiences. I tell you this because my greatest wish for you is to find hope; to know you are not alone. I know how awful it can be to face the world after something like this happens. I know how hard it is to not give up on humanity. I know it feels like your very choices and how you treat yourself doesn’t matter.

But you do matter and how you treat yourself is the road to healing.

I promise you, you matter so very much. Now I’m not here to tell you that it’s easy. It’s far from it. Over a decade after my rape news like last week still sends me reeling. It seems like every time I think I’m “over it,” something comes up to show me I have something more to learn. And that is really what I want to share with you today: a few learnings so that maybe you can cope better.

Words Matter:

I have found it immensely powerful to speak my story, but I’ve learned the words I use to tell it matter even more. I used to say “I was a victim of rape.” I’m no longer a victim. I am a survivor. You see, something beautiful happens when you start seeing yourself as a survivor and not a victim. It’s a small step, but for me, was one in the right direction. It’s a start to taking your power back.

Its OK To Ask For Help:

You don’t have to carry this alone. I say this a lot because not only is it my personal experience; its statistically relevant. Sex crimes are often under reported and survivors express feeling isolated. Your friends you choose to confide in may not know what to say, but its ok to just have someone listen. For me, that was a good place to start. If in college, reach out to wellness centers and see if you can speak with a campus therapist. If that isn’t an option, call the National Hotline at 800.656.HOPE, its open 24/7 and completely confidential.

Not Everyone Is Bad:

This seems logical, right?  I know it’s not a matter of logic. I know that trust is hard to give strangers when someone (stranger or not) took some humanity away. It was, for me at least, an act of sheer will to make myself trust people. I needed a reminder that not everyone was bad for a long time too. It’s like working out, an emotional muscle I exercised daily. Of course, listen to your gut if someone gives you any sort of creeper vibe, but don’t listen to that voice that tells you to shut yourself off from the people you love, the world in general. It is still beautiful out here.

Treat Yourself Well:

THEY hurt you. You don’t have to carry that trend on. I completely understand that it’s hard to treat yourself like the queen (or king) you are (because yes, you are) when someone else treated you so much less than you deserved. I know how our self-worth takes a real hit. But you have to separate what they did with how you view yourself and ultimately, how you treat yourself. You have the hard task of loving yourself more than ever.

It Gets Easier, At Times:

I think the biggest thing I have learned is to accept that I’m never going to truly be “over it.” It’s a part of my journey and it’s something I choose to own rather than let it own me. There will be times something comes up to make me realize I still have some baggage, and that’s ok. These feelings are valid. I think it’s partially related to grief, but that’s another topic for another day. Point is, it will come and go, honor those feelings when they come, be kind to yourself and try to learn what you can from it.

Trust Yourself:

There will be times you doubt yourself and how events played out. ‘If only I did this instead of that, if I was here instead of there, etc.’ Don’t do that to yourself. What happened, happened. It isn’t your job to try to explain or rationalize it away. It’s your job to heal and that’s it. You heal how you want, do what you need to do. Just please, be kind and trust yourself. Don’t take on the blame for someone else’s actions. That isn’t yours to own.

Love Yourself:

This one is sort of on here twice, because it’s so terribly important. You didn’t cause this pain, but it is now your responsibility to heal it. No one is going to be able to do that for you, unfortunately. If I could, I’d take it away in a heartbeat. Maybe that’s the mom in me, or the empathetic response from someone who gets it – I can’t tell. But I want you to know you are so worthy, regardless of trauma you have experienced. You are worthy of love, especially from yourself.

I feel like I could keep going for days, but I’ll stop here. I just had to let you know that you are not the broken one. You are strong and whole, even if it feels like you aren’t. You are not alone, you can reach out if you ever need support (IG is a great place to reach me). You don’t have to feel defeated.

It’s ok if you feel all of these things by the way. It takes time, as cliché as that sounds. I just wanted to give some perspective on the topic. I wanted to let you know there is hope. There are ways to turn the hurt into something productive. I’m a women’s sexual health educator because of my past traumas. I have to help women get past their hurt. My point is, there is hope, there is light.

It is in you, Beautiful.

With so much love, Tori

*This was originally written the week following Justice Kavanaugh’s nomination and Dr. Ford’s testimony. It is still relevant today as survivors of sexual assault can use these tips regardless of what is happening politically, however we want to remind everyone to make their voices heard and to vote. It is vital, no more than ever, to make some noise.

About the author:

Tori works with women to overcome sexual trauma and is in the process of becoming a certified sexuality educator. She’s currently working on her first book and starting a non-profit. Her passion for helping women is outshone only by her exhaustion from chasing around her two small children; and she wouldn’t have it any other way. She loves the ocean, cheesecake and has an affinity for dropping f bombs.

She can be reached online at www.empoweredboudoir.com or on Instagram at @empowered.boudoir

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