vampiremonarch-offical

[vampiremonarch-offical]

why confront your issues when you can just diy renovations in your ancient castle?

in other news, i need a contracter to help fix the stone walls around my castle

[vampiremonarch-offical]

i should send you to the dungeons for this exclusion

WHAT HAVE I DONEEE

this isn’t fucking ok

I SWEAR IF I FIND ONE MORE OFFICAL I will gladly follow them! But still

my hubris has blinded me 😔

[vampiremonarch-offical]

somedays, i just want to drink someone's blood while they have their thighs wrapped around my neck

[vampiremonarch-offical]

a bit ooc, but, hi i'm [currently unsure of a name, trying to pick one :)] and in my first year of highschool, my friend group started ignoring me. it was like i didn't exist, and it went on for ten months, with people i'd been friends with for about six years. they either completely ignored me or made fun of me and my lifestyle choices

i brought smarties

I have no idea if someone has already done this on tumblr but..

TRAUMA CANDY SALAD 😀

*clears throat* My name is Leelee and last year this kid in my class grabbed my behind and said he got tickets to gyattown. aNyWaYs I brought the bowl ><

@axisssss @teenagechildtyphoon @aroacegrimreaper @how2beanerd @cabin13winion @cherryblossomflowers444 @pinkxpxnda @epik-bylerfan + anybody who is interested / wants to join

[vampiremonarch-offical]

i've had freshly turned vampires ask me how being a vampire works. how to hunt, how to feed, how to live, stuff like that. every so often i get asked how to kill a vampire. it's always quite odd to me to be asked this, because what do they think im going to do, tell them my weakness just because they asked nicely?

[vampiremonarch-offical]

there's nothing creepier than small children.

i was just out, taking a walk in the abandoned ancient village over which my castle resides, and a five year old wandered over to me and touched my leg.

she only wanted help finding her mother, but i nearly shouted for all my guards to come and take the child away.

Me, the fourth oldest vampire in existence, terrified by a small child. It just appeared out of nowhere!

[vampiremonarch-offical]

Whenever I go to my coffin to go to sleep, I give a "pleasant" smile to whoever's nearest to me and whisper "Good morning" before gliding away for my rest. I like seeing the horrified looks I get from the dungeon lads

[vampiremonarch-offical]

I pass waters to all the members amassed in my ballroom.

We have a lovely conversation before they eventually move on to their next destination

Jimmy.

-@thejimmycultoffical

Sorry. I only worship myself. But if you'd like to come in, we can share a drink. I have water... somewhere.

[vampiremonarch-offical]

I'm always looking for allies.

Jimmy seems to be an interesting figure, and I look forward to seeing what she makes of herself and her people in the future.

I offer everyone pure, distilled water, and drink a wine glass of blood myself.

Jimmy.

-@thejimmycultoffical

Sorry. I only worship myself. But if you'd like to come in, we can share a drink. I have water... somewhere.

[vampiremonarch-offical]

Jimmy.

-@thejimmycultoffical

Sorry. I only worship myself. But if you'd like to come in, we can share a drink. I have water... somewhere.

[vampiremonarch-offical]

I am a millenia old vampire and have been ruling the vampires for most of my life.

I am very involved in the modern world, because the only way for vampires and our culture to survive is by understanding the ever changing human society.

DNI:

Pedophiles/MAPS/Child attracted people

Homophobes/Transphobes

Racists

Sexists

Antisemites/Nazis/Neo Nazis

Trump-supporters

Porn-bots

Antifeminists

Anyone who supports any of the people on this list

I'm sure there's more I can't think of at the moment that will be added later. Failure to adhere to this will result in being blocked

Keep all responses to my posts SFW. There are born vampires who are minors who will be seeing your replies. If you're unsure about anything, don't let it touch my posts.

[vampiremonarch-offical]

@satan-offical can you please send a dream demon to earth? i have an orange problem i need to scare away from the leadership scene

[vampiremonarch-offical]

Better than me. I don't even have a name anymore

My fellow Americans, we need to come up with better names for our presidents

[vampiremonarch-offical]

All human chefs sick and tired of laboring for hours over your meals; come on down to the vampire monarch castle, where you'll be fed, clothed, paid, and housed, for the small price of letting a vampire drink your blood once a week. Why toil over a steak for some human when you can laze around and feed vampires for money you can actually afford to spend on yourselves?

[vampiremonarch-offical]

remember kids; betrayal only works if the person trusted you for a long time first!

[vampiremonarch-offical]

speaking from experience, witches know how to party and its amazing

[vampiremonarch-offical]

and donate the blood to your local vampire!

How to get away with murder!!

Eat

Eat th

Eat the b

Eat the body

Eatit

Eatit