#vampire problems

[fledgling-of-the-cold-ones]

I feel my only concern about being a vampire is that I might never enjoy pasta dishes anymore because of the use of garlic in many of them. Would I be OK? Is it simply a myth? Sigh... Well, at least I can still enjoy some cheese, crackers, and meats.

[superbeans89]

When there’s a vampire problem and you’re being real subtle about it

[count-not-dracula]

I thought he was going to peg me but it wasn’t a strap in his bag. It was a wooden stake.

[custardconsumer]

Trying to lay down and slumber in my coffin with my arms crossed over my chest (the traditional vampiric pose of rest), but my fat fucking vampire tits are in the way and making my arms slide towards me so it just looks like im choking myself.

(written from a vampire’s pov, not my own ofc haha…𝓾𝓷𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼)

[keepingupwiththecullensblog]

My Twilight Saga Mystery List: Questions Without Edward's POV

As I dive back into the Twilight series, I'm finding that without Edward's perspective, a lot of things just don't add up. I'll be adding to this list as I continue rereading the series, so stay tuned for more mysteries to solve!

Why is Edward so obsessed with math?

Did Edward vomit back the piece of pizza he pretended to eat with Bella?

(*Midnight Sun* did answer many unanswered questions fans have had for years, but these two still remain a mystery!)

The Perfect Summer: What made Bella and Edward’s summer together “perfect”? What were they up to during those sunny days in Forks?

Jasper’s Distance: Why does Jasper keep his distance from Bella after the birthday incident, especially after spending time with her in close quarters during the trip to Phoenix?

The Three-Day Wait: After the party incident, why does Edward stay three more days, basically ignoring Bella? Was he waiting for a sign to leave or hoping she’d break up with him if he ghosted her?

ESPN with Charlie: Why does Edward spend time watching ESPN with Charlie when he’s about to leave Bella? What was going through his mind?

The Woods Breakup: Why does Edward choose to break up with Bella in the woods? What’s the significance of the setting?

Coming soon...

Coming soon...

[elvishdemigod]

Imagine being some vampire who has his own island in Fallout.

You go out, feed, meet some people, buy some things. You go back home, you go to take a nap.

Your naps are short, but they're long to humans. So you wake up like 300 years later, go to get a little snack and-

Wait WTF happened while you were passed out? What are they all wearing? Why did places names change? Where's the nature? What the hell is a deathcla- Oh, that. Aw, it's adorable! Maybe you'll like this new world after all?

[celestial-vampiress]

Born to be a mysterious countess living in a big dark castle.. Forced to be an underpaid babysitter living in a prissy neighborhood.💔

[they-call-me-veral]

Callisto may not be Astarion's biggest fan but she would never let anyone go hungry, even if they are a pompous windbag

[fledgling-of-the-cold-ones]

A group of cats have been taking interest in my house recently. Am I in danger?

[vampiremonarch-offical]

would someone please tell the museum people that took my jewelry to give it back. I miss my eleventh century necklace worth more than the peasants I drank from.

[count-not-dracula]

When I’m angry I like to bite the drywall

[sendmebacktonowhere]

*18th century vampire voice* fortnight? the game really takes that long?

[keepingupwiththecullensblog]

🎬✨ Welcome back to "Keeping Up with the Cullens," where this week's drama revolves around... a khaki skirt? Seriously, guys, I just found out about this whole debate, and I'm not laughing. I'm fed up! 😡

Bella's gearing up to meet Edward's family, and she chooses an outfit that somehow sparked an entire fan debate. I mean, come on, folks, it's not that deep! Even without knowing Edward's point of view from "Midnight Sun," it was pretty clear to me. In relationships, we often wear things our partners like. I know I do! 👗❤️

Edward has already commented on Bella's blue shirt before, saying he likes it. It’s mentioned right there in the "Twilight" text! In "Midnight Sun," we find out he’s captivated by how the color complements her skin tone. 😍 So, Bella decides to pair it with a skirt because, duh, meeting your boyfriend’s vampire family is a special occasion. 🧛‍♂️🎉

And yet, some fans have gone off the rails, debating whether Bella's khaki skirt was a nod to Stephenie Meyer’s religious background. 🤯 Seriously? We’re diving into fashion conspiracy theories now? 🤦‍♀️ Some thought Bella’s fashion choice was influenced by Meyer’s membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, where modesty is a value. But really, it’s a skirt, not a manifesto. ✋ Let’s not overthink this. It’s a practical choice, not a religious statement! 🙄

Let’s set the record straight. Bella mentions this is the only skirt she owns, and it’s from thrift shopping. 🛍️ Why? Because our girl Bella is tomboyish, not a fashionista. Her closet is more “comfortable tomboy” than “modest chic.” She’s not making a statement; she’s just meeting the parents! 👖 She probably didn’t care about the style as long as it ticked the “decent” box. Seriously, can we let Bella live? 🙌

Bella probably needed a skirt for a special occasion like this. As a tomboy myself, I only own a few dress-up and professional outfits. Has anyone thought of this... what if she needed it for Renée's wedding to Phil? Renée's not that fancy, but... 🤔

This has nothing to do with Stephenie Meyer’s religion or any hidden messages. Bella doesn’t even specify the skirt’s length, and Stephenie didn’t even realize the skirt caused so much controversy because, for her, it was always about the shirt! 🧥✨ Thank goodness "Midnight Sun" clears this up. 🙏 It's such a non-issue. Sorry for dumping on fans, but let's move on to more pressing debates—like why does Edward need math to learn how to cook? 🤔 Is he solving calculus problems to boil water? 🍲 Come on, people, let's focus on the real mysteries here! 😂📐🥘

[flirting-with-suicide]

Being a vampire goth is having all my colleagues gather round me in fascination at how pale i am and then have them gasp in horror when i show them how pale my skin that doesn't see sun is

[weird-tea]

Thinking about that trope of someone coughing up blood and being like 'oh that's not good' but then it's a vampire so like are they coughing up their own blood which would be a bad sign for their health and stuff or is it just their lunch repeating on them? Like did you just spew because the roller coaster was a bad idea or are you maybe dying?

[celestial-vampiress]

Went to the dentist today, fangs hurt now.💔