vampiricjester

[vampiricjester]

I have successfully hacked into the north poles databases and am in posession of the 2024 naughty list. I will be leaking it at 2pm eastern time. Watch this space- the truth is coming out.

[vampiricjester]

she asked me if i cain kill her with a rock i said i might be abel to

[vampiricjester]

Jerking off is incest

Sometimes I feel like you guys say things because you're bored

[vampiricjester]

So-called "free thinkers" when their friend has to pee

[vampiricjester]

STOP kicking the yolk out of egg recipes to reduce the saturated fat or whatever. you're hurting her. and making scrambled eggs without yolk is demonic

[vampiricjester]

White boy shocks everyone at the restaurant by emitting a massive electromagnetic pulse

[vampiricjester]

im tired of people being mean to me for liking asmr. i got anxiety dude. if i can watch a silly little video of a pretty girl putting on my makeup and trick my brain into calming THE FUCK down for 20 minutes? im doing it 2 - 3 times a day.

[vampiricjester]

“Hot and bothered” in the sense that it is 90 degrees out and I am extremely annoyed

[vampiricjester]

getting big 45 minute vibes from this 15 minute recipe

[vampiricjester]

first base is ripping each other's throats out second base is fucking and then pretending it didn't happen after it's over. third base is falling unconscious from blood loss in the other's arms

[vampiricjester]

I love the salute emoji. Im your loyal something

[vampiricjester]

it's like the old saying goes, The customer is always wrong and it's legal to kill them

[vampiricjester]

Shut the fuck up

I needed this. thank you so much

[vampiricjester]

can i chew on it

[vampiricjester]

it actually completely unironically pisses me off that there was times when i wasn't alive and there will be times when i'm not alive. i should have been there for everything

[vampiricjester]

<3

[vampiricjester]

“the heart wants what it wants”? okay well the heart is fucking stupid can we let someone else have a turn? maybe the spleen wants to have a go?