vanillash0r3s

[vanillash0r3s]

look u guys a rat ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[vanillash0r3s]

doctor kidori desu

[vanillash0r3s]

The minute I get that birth time

[vanillash0r3s]

The relation between nature and human being: Agnieszka Lepka

[vanillash0r3s]

Flowers by Stephen Doherty

[vanillash0r3s]

metronome of anxiety

I really wish I could stop the ticking in my ears.

I hear the ticking constantly; its sound is the same as a clock, yet there's no physical clock present.

It seems as though every time I blink, yawn, or sneeze, another month passes by.

I can’t keep up with the constant metronome.

Every memory is encoded with the ticking; I feel like it's mocking me.

I hate the ticking so much; I can never relax.

Is this karma from a past life?

The ticking knows I lack the energy; it knows I struggle to keep up with my goals.

I was 14, I was 11, I was 8, and I was so many different people.

I’m sure if I took my brain out and analyzed it, I would find a little timer or a tiny hourglass.

My hands are so sweaty, I can’t grab onto anything.

Every day ends the same, disappointing and time ticking away.

I really wish I could control the ticking.

[vanillash0r3s]

can you guys watch my squab for me im gonna go on my smoko

[vanillash0r3s]

things to do when your day's been bad

lie down on the floor beside your bed

take a shower, use the good soap

listen to a song you liked ages ago

write your thoughts out in all caps

draw a head and then 'decorate' that head however you're feeling (I drew a man with a hole for a face. It worked)

listen to a song and try to focus on one (1) instrument at a time, baseline, drums, guitar, another guitar, repeating sound effect

wash your face

take a nap or go to bed early

call someone. tell them about your horrible day or let them talk about theirs or both

go through your camera roll (specifically the screenshots folder)

go through your saved instagram posts / tumblr likes

watch That One Really Great Live Performance of That Artist You Love, then read the comments of everyone having great taste like you do

cry a little about it

remember that this day will end and another will begin. it'll be all new, never experienced before, no bad things will have happened, and you'll be okay.

[vanillash0r3s]

looking at the moon and experiencing a very deep yearning

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[vanillash0r3s]

life is junk food

My living room walls are filled with grime and fading pictures. The floor is filled with absolute trash, old food wrappers, and thousands of bins, all with miscellaneous items. This house isn’t empty; it’s far from that. A man and a woman sit on the couch; bugs hide in every corner and crevice.

Yet, it feels empty. There should be light in here, and it should feel warmer. Family photos cover the cracks and debris on the walls. The people in the photos seem like ghosts; those people aren’t here anymore, just shells.

The smell of everything melts my brain. Rotting food, clothes washed with zero detergent, sweat, and the heat of electronics.

This feels like a bad dream; a family isn’t supposed to be this way. We need to change.

Can we change?

It’s been like this for years; this way of living is a part of us. A tiny piece of me doesn’t want to change; the dirtiness is what I’ve grown up with. But, if I don’t change, I will end up like the old wrappers on the floor. Still and unmoving.

The food we have rots my soul; it hurts me. The house is filled with brightly packaged foods. Chips, chocolates, cookies, popsicles, candies, fried chicken, and french fries. I think about outside and how much fresher things are out there.

I would rather eat handfuls of soil than live like this a moment longer.

[vanillash0r3s]

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”

— Khalil Gibran

[vanillash0r3s]

serpentmancer theme

[vanillash0r3s]