vanshikagera - Tumblr blog

[vanshikagera]

i left and maybe now I'm just adrift

i agree, our love was definitely a gift

i miss the midnights, talking about our dreams

my mornings all about you too, all those daydreams

well but now what's left for me to do?

overthink nd feeling so askew

I wish I'd spoken and not felt so needy

but when I did everything went so speedily

was I jus crazy or were you playing games

towards my heart, your lethal arrow aims

wheres the truth in what you say?

I trust you still, my minds in disarray

i spend hours tryna know the truth

hoping you're right, might help my heart soothe

but you were wrong with excuses so new

yet I trust you maybe you're what u say is true

why would you think I'd go so low

to sexualize you, you should've known

I'd never do that, but now you twist your words

"i never meant that". haha okay alright my love

my bad, that I asked you

you seemed to mean it before though

my bad that i overthought about it

because at the end, it's probably my fault

flirted with my friend didn't know until it was over

never blocking your ex, you both might just become better lovers

Following her private too, the reason's unclear

forget it though, my bad that i had so much fear

but ig friendships with exes are your decree

then why not with me? Explain that to me?

just hid your story, not wanting to talk

replied to others, I recall it all

there's never a point in saying sorry later

what do I do with it love? doesn't make shit better

I said my feelings faded the reasons, they're clear,

You can't hurt me now, I've lost the fear

but honestly, I miss the guy I once knew,

The love and peace, forever true.

not sure when I'll move along,

so I'll cry the nights away, missing our song

you'll find a new girl, won't take you long

i hope ur treated right, I hope she feels like she belongs

you're amazing, you deserve the love

but only if u be the guy you once were,

i honestly wish you the best even if u dont

i hope shit works out at home

I'm sorry for everything I did wrong too

and I guess this is goodbye, so i love you and I'll miss you

thank you for existing every time I told you to

[vanshikagera]

i hate you

i hate you and the way you speak

i hate the way you keep your hair

i hate them, the dimples on your cheeks

i hate the fact i thought you cared

why would you care?

i am no bright star midst the darkness

something everyone loves to stare at

someone who'd leave you breathless

i hate that you made me feel flattered

i hate all the hobbies we shared

i hate the way your opinion mattered

i hate the way you would get me scared

so scared that you might leave me

scared that you'll hate me

scared that you already do

scared that it's all untrue

i hate the way you had that hold on me

i hate the way you made me feel

i hate that nobody else can do it

touch me and get my skin lit

made me feel like a fool

also made me feel so lucky though

made me feel so cool

you made me feel so pretty too

i hate the way if i see you again

and you say the words I want to hear

I'll let you do it all over again

even if it's something my heart can't bear

even though you left me there

with a broken heart, in a broken state

struggling for air, eyes blurred from tears

my fault I guess, I took the bait

and god knows why I'm willing to take it again

i hate everything and everyone

but there's one thing i hate most

i hate the way I could never hate you

i hate that without you I feel lost

i hate it, i hate that i love you

and how i love the way you speak

love the way you keep your hair

love those dimples on your cheeks

i will never hate you

my hearts too adamant

it's still thinks it's you

the new asshole inside your skin

low effort poem bcs why not 💪

[vanshikagera]

*pata nhi kya bakchodi likh di*

not so long ago

I'd wait for your call

a simple hello

made me feel so loved

the way you looked at me

it was something different

somehow you could see

things never said or shown

just that look of yours eyes

could keep me up at night

i would get so mesmerized

your eyes could hypnotize.

but today i sit and look

as you give the same smile

while i stand there; shook

because your eyes aren't on mine

admiring the other woman

unaware of my presence

boiling rage inside me

unseen for i stay silent.

the same look i loved

the one that felt like paradise

was being desired by her

a devil in disguise.

i felt betrayed but more shocked

i had the urge to ask

how could someone be so fake

heartless monsters under pretty masks

not so long ago

I'd loved him; trusted him

let him see through me

my demons and my hurt

all the trust drowning in an ocean

an ocean of lies and fake promises

the betrayal broke a part of me

the love of my life was a menace

all your twisted games

all your twisted lies

made me wanna walk to her

save another heart's cries

[vanshikagera]

i saw a star.

always lit; always stood out

in a sky so vast and dark

it's presence would shout

a healing to the eyes

a cure to my pain

looking at it

made me feel sane

i built a way to reach it

so I could know it; see it

but with every step closer

increased the reddish hue

the closer i got the more it hurt

under the pretty view

was hiding a raging monster

it all felt untrue

i was on fire, burning helplessly

the thing i wanted most

was now hurting me

that's when I died; almost

that day was astounding

my hardwork , now hurt

in form of ashes infront of me

not just physically i was mentally burnt

the star wasn't perfect

beautiful but lethal

attractive but dangerous

enchanting but evil

you were that star

[vanshikagera]

failed.

everything has a result

you will live the dreams you see

i tell myself every time

from all the pain you will be free

i work for it; i yearn for it

the sweetness of success

but after every step forward

i fall back to the mess

feeling like a blunder every night

the air filled with anything but vanity

hatred for oneself; aftermath of failure

no words for oneself but profanity

what i could have done

what all i couldn't achieve

though i did my best

there was nothing i recieved

:)

[vanshikagera]

teenage love doesn't end pretty

everyone says that, it's correct

feels like heaven; ends like hell

you break into pieces you can't collect

you love; knowing the future

knowing the person you hold will leave

knowing you'll be different; grown

it's all a game of make-believe

you hope for a happy ever after

you hope of the teenage dream

grow old and get buried alongside

but that's not as easy as it may seem

streams of tears down my cheeks

drifting into the arms of morpheus

just to end up in a nightmare

broken over that angel face

overthinking every single instant

knowing it won't matter one day

for the love is so great that you remain

aware that its going to end anyway

if there was a way to remain

in your arms with your love till our end

i would obey to every torture you name

if that's what it took? i wouldn't be scared

[vanshikagera]

shielded from pain, a girl grew.

sunshine and love

they described her well

until life gave her a shove

she was hit with burdens

heartbreak and harshness

unable to think

unable to process

she broke down into pieces

to the point where she

was shook and gloom

she had no energy to be.

what she needed was care

where she had always been

but her comfort was gone

she was drained within

but the craziest part

of this anecdote is that

she didn't let anyone know

the place she was at

she still loved she still hugged

people unaware of her hurt

her struggle unknown

her tears soaked by her shirt

she grew up though

stronger with her mended scars

she didn't change a bit

she still smiled at twinkling stars

life still hurt her a lot of times

but she didn't let the downs

define her whole life

for she was tired of the frowns

the girl was back

strong and grown

sunshine and love

they described her well

[vanshikagera]

reminiscence

I think back to the 25th of July I sat on the passenger seat, my head feeling light two kids in love; both of them high speeding through the city in the dead of night out of nowhere, there is a downpour of rain you park at the side of an abandoned road I could smell the scent of wet dirt and cocaine we got out of the car while the road overflowed you pulled me to the middle of the empty route then bowed and asked for my hand like in shows we danced in the rain and it was honestly so cute I loved being with you, especially this close we went back to the car, cold and wet clothes dripping with water, bodies shivering aware of how we would be sick with zero regret I held your hand and felt it quivering the memory of the day is carved in our head and whenever it rains the memory recollects every time it happens i wanna hug you again and unlike most tear-jerkers, you're always there

[vanshikagera]

amaranthine love

oh darling where are you? it's been a year, and I'm feeling a bit alone everyone seems to have forgotten you but I'm still waiting for your phone why is everyone saying you're gone wasn't it just yesterday? we were walking and laughing from dusk till dawn. I don't believe them, you'll show up one day. so hence I wait, I long for your presence in your favorite park, on the wooden bench A bird's chirp breaks the silence I hear someone singing, probably french "tu me manques mon amour" sings an old man reminded me of you, you'd know what it meant a brown-haired, 5 feet 4 Frenchwoman why would god want you dead? you were my world and i miss you even your scent I can no longer smell i miss it, your generous soul you were so lovely. so benevolent. "Please come back, I beg you" i sob while i hear the musicians i see the bench i sit on, our acronyms carved by you i imagine im touching you as i touch the etched initials.

[vanshikagera]

what changed?

"I love you so much," you said I believed you, I did too but something is changing I can tell whatever you say seems untrue dark skies, tearful eyes I cry in bed unsure what to reply because I just got a text I have nothing to say, so I sigh now whenever it strikes midnight I gather myself up ready to cry ready for you to tell me something new like "did you know, my ex said hi" I love you but I hate your white lies   I deserve to know so much but you love to hide the truth, I wonder why. so for the old you, I will search. I search day and night I miss the man who had nothing to hide who hugged me when I was not fine who showed me off full of pride I can't ignore my care for you I adore you no matter what you do I hate it, I hate myself for it "she loves me" tell me something new. of course, she loves you, but wait. wasn't it you who got her to? so why do you add fuel to fire is my love for you too few?

[vanshikagera]

him

I love the time we spend together every moment amusing. forgetting about all the pain his presence genuinely soothing. I don't know how he does it his words have some occult power the feeling of love is superior. you don't believe in love? coward. I can never be sad around him my smile secure and permanent his company I always long my comfort around him abundant honestly, I'm such a fool for him and everyone says we're too young for this but I don't think I really care because every second with him is bliss we are inseparable, our love immeasurable love can be destructive, love can be scary but I will take the risk if one day maybe it's beside him where I will bury.

[vanshikagera]

by my side

loneliness is something I hate I try so hard to fit in but being alone is my fate. I make friends easily, I don't find it hard. still the next second I'm left out am I that easy to discard? help everyone, it's how I am. but when I need a hand why does the door slam? I need a friend who will care if I die someone with whom I can share my joy not one who laughs when I cry it really hurts I won't lie I won't ask for much but, I just need someone by my side.

[vanshikagera]

The scars you left

I'm so drained, everyone tires me. I'm done being used and feeling stupid. Drinking in private, parties aren't really me. I should have just stuck to being the cupid.

I remember not being so fucked up. Were you at fault or was it me? I'd rather be your backup than be your enemy.

I really don't recognise me. I've changed, agreed. Why do I let you define me? By the way, it's not you that I need.

I just need you to realise. You really hurt me. It's me who you despise but i really don't deserve it.

I hate the way I could never hate you. If you come to me, id hug you still. Though you don't deserve it, ill still forgive you because the void you left will then fill.

But we have now perished. So i guess this is the end. Our memories I will forever cherish. Will the scars you left ever mend?

[vanshikagera]

The night that destroyed me

I will never forget that night,

For it was the night that destroyed me.

Those words filled with abhorrence,

came from someone who once treasured me.

 For a minute, my head was in chaos.

Next minute? emotionless.

You demolished my soul.

Oh, how could someone be so heartless?

 The world moved on with life.

And so did you, but me?

I’m still hurting in that cold, dark room.

I still am right where you left me.

 Do you maybe regret it?

Was it maybe my fault?

Will I ever be able to love again?

Questions that will forever haunt me.

 I want to be happy again.

Explore every place and not stare at this ceiling.

But every place in this town,

Only reminds me of our being.

Now every person I love,

Doesn’t see me the same way as before.

It makes it all worse.

I just want to feel adored.

[vanshikagera]

The way I was

He didn't see the tears I cried, his words still stab me like a knife. He probably thinks I never tried but hell, he literally ruined my life. Oh, how did I love you so much, change to she was ugly anyway? Was there ever any love as such? Or was it a game you liked to play? The face I found so pretty is now the one that disgusts me. It's really such a pity. because that face isn't yours, it's me. The face in the mirror seems too flawed. I remember loving the way I was. When I didn't care if my shoulders were broad, back when I was blind to all my flaws.

[vanshikagera]

Under the Stars

Late-night picnics under the stars, the icy breeze making us shiver. Talking and laughing hysterically, surrounded by bottles of liquor.

We were young, chipper, and free. What the world thinks? We didn't care. We just wanted to be distracted, and didn't want to be in despair.

We couldn't stay like that forever. We grew up, I'm afraid. But our bond was unbreakable. The love will never fade.

I wouldn't say we grew apart. You're still my best friend. You saw me cry, laugh, embarrass myself but everything has an end.

I miss you under the stars, shivering as I feel the wind on my skin. It reminds me of you and us. I cry but it's all within.