vatermutterkarkasse - Tumblr blog

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in 2019 can we stop acting like someone talking or making art about their pain is some sort of fake deep cringe factor can we let traumatized people hurt and heal in peace

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honestly i think the most validating thing ive ever heard was “good parents don’t have to try to convince their children they weren’t abused” so yknow. remember that.

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and then god was like let’s not give this bitch a break

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sometimes i have to stop myself from literally begging people to understand me lol

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I just wish you’d look for a second

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not since you, not even since birth

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recognizing a coping method as damaging is important but it’s also important to forgive yourself and not think poorly of yourself for using that method in the first place. you were in situations that no one should ever be in and there was no one to tell you how to handle it so you figured it out as best you could. it’s easy to look back on things you’ve done and become frustrated with yourself but you survived and there weren’t a lot of options for that survival.

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so how can i hate her?

…. am I the monster?

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(sidenote; relying on people as emotional crutches is a bad coping mechanism and i do NOT condone it, for the sake of yours and your peers' safety)

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I wonder when I will stop hearing “but you were mature for your age!” as an excuse for neglecting me as a child/teen.

Just because I was “smart” and said big words didn’t give you a free pass to ignore me and my basic fucking needs.

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So much me right here.

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why dad, why?

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friendly reminder you do NOT need to forgive your abusers. you do not need to “see things from their side.” you do not need to “respect” them. you do not need to humanize them. no matter what ANYONE anywhere says, you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT NEED TO

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lies abusive parents make children believe:

my parents couldn’t have known they were hurting me

my parents would never do something that hurtful on purpose

my parents are good people, they do good work and they can’t be abusive

my parents only meant the best and it would hurt them if I accused them of abusing me

my parents already deal with so much it would be selfish to accuse them of anything

my parents would have stopped if they knew they were traumatizing me, it’s not their fault

my parents just have some trouble taking responsibility for their actions

my parents would be too hurt if I didn’t think they were good parents, I have to reasure them I only think well of them

If I say anything against my parents, I’ll end up being ungrateful, selfish and spoiled, I have to think of everything they did for me and if they ended up hurting me a little that should be fine

if my parents didn’t do what they did, I would end up a monster

it was only because of my actions my parents acted as they did, if I was a good child none of it would happen

it was me giving my parents a hard time, not the reverse, I was making them feel bad, they had to go as far as they did to show me how horrible I was

my parents would have never done anything I didn’t deserve, and I deserved everything they did

my parents just tried to make me stronger and prepare me for life

my parents just thought they were doing the right thing, that I needed to be treated this way to not grow up into a horrible, spoiled monster

my parents made me and know me the longest so they must be right about me, and everything they think and say about me must be true

my parents would feel so awful if they knew how much they hurt me

i’m responsible for protecting my parents from the knowledge of what they did to me

I don’t want my parents to suffer and if they knew I was holding something against them it would hurt them so much

These are all false. All children let their parents know when parents are hurting them, and its completely impossible to be hurting a child without knowing it, even if children are doing their best to hide it. Parents who hurt children are no longer good people. Social status of parents doesn’t affect weather they’re abusive or not, what they do to children says it. Parents who convince their child that the child is the last and least important priority and should move all their emotions aside in order to not bother parents, are abusive. Parents who force the child to believe that holding them responsible for their own actions is equal to hurting them, are lying - if they were hurt by implication that they’re hurting children, they would be extremely careful not to hurt children! Instead they’re careful to keep hurting children and to not be called out. Parents who use children’s inexperience to convince them they would in fact, become horrible if not for abuse, are actual demons. Parents who can say to their child that being hurt as a tiny, helpless human being in development, is making them stronger, are malicious liars who want to keep destroying their child, while having the child pretend to be strong. If parents convince the child that the child is deserving of pain and to be hurt, they’re demons. Any parent who makes excuses for abusing a child and tries to justify it and make the child take blame for what happened, is abusive. They’re an adult who was facing a child and took the chance to hurt, torture, and permanently traumatize a small, helpless human being who couldn’t defend or strike back, or even process what was going on. There are no excuses for this. There are no reasons for this. There are no justifications.

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if your child wishes to die only to get the hell away from you, you’re an abuser.

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