ventsandrambles

[ventsandrambles]

my sister leaves in 20 days moodboard

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so apparently you genuinely lose your ability to do anything when you want to kill yourself

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uh oh i miss something i can’t name again. i want to go home to something that doesn’t exist again. does anyone have a gun

[ventsandrambles]

in another universe i wasnt silently hoping youd call on my birthday

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weird day. im so fucking tired of people online. my sister moves out on august 20th. ill see her again though. i think. no one knows anything like literally no one has any fucking clue. i need to go outside so fucking bad and so does everyone online. just go fucking breathe.

[ventsandrambles]

[ventsandrambles]

basically i really wish the situation was different

[ventsandrambles]

shoutout binders that my ex gave me! sometimes im scared that ill never stop loving her even despite everything that happened because she was the first person to really actually see me and thats humiliating. anyway my chest is so flat now how cool!!

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over a skateboard? at your grown fucking age? what is wrong with you holy fuck. youre an adult and she was a whole fourteen years old. god damn.

[ventsandrambles]

[ventsandrambles]

suggested photo memories be like remember when you bled out all of your innocence

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[ventsandrambles]

A few years ago while trying to find ways to commit suicide as painlessly as possible, I came across a PDF of Dr. Paul Quinnett's The Forever Decision. Thinking it might go into actual methods of suicide (I read an article once that actually did that and was trying to find it again) I started to read it, and I think I only got about two pages in before I was crying too much to actually see the words.

I downloaded the PDF to my hard drive and I open it again whenever I'm feeling too suicidal to do much else, but not enough to start booking a ride to the hospital. And every time without fail I only go up to a few pages before backing off and choosing to live another day just because suicide suddenly seems even more unbearable than whatever the hell upset me in the first place.

All the book really does is [I'm pulling a summary from GoodReads here as, again, I've read no more than 5 pages] "discusses the social aspects of suicide, the right to die, anger, loneliness, depression, stress, hopelessness, drug and alcohol abuse, the consequences of a suicide attempt, and how to get help."

But it also starts with the author kindly asking the reader to complete the book before going through with anything, and for some reason I'm compelled to really just try to read it all before finalizing everything. Despite not yet completing it (hopefully never will) I think I can safely say it's saved my life at least a few times now.

It's intentionally legal to copy and redistribute this book to keep it as accessible as possible, and it's very easy to find, but here's a link for it anyways.

[ventsandrambles]

imsorry

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[ventsandrambles]

„Suicide is selfish“ let me be selfish for once in my life.

[ventsandrambles]

i will die your daughter