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End of a decade

2019 is coming to a close and I have nothing better to do than type up this entry in what is basically an electronic diary at this point. Nevertheless, here are my year thoughts on everything that has happened and what is to come. 2019 brought a lot of traveling; I’ve never traveled so much in my life. I made three full tours around the United States and have a European tour coming up in a couple months. It’s all so exciting and humbling to get to travel the world and put on rock shows for a living. Doing this has definitely changed the way I perceive the world, people, and ultimately myself. This year I think I’ve made a lot of positive progress managing my depression and anxiety. I think that touring has to do with it slightly, constantly being put in uncomfortable situations. But I haven’t had any major breakout since April (8 months) which is pretty good so far. As I get older I’m starting to realize how my mental illness doesn’t define me and simply just a condition I own. Coping is getting easier as time goes on. I still think of her almost everyday though. And sometimes I’m mad at myself for doing that. But I can’t help it. Catching up would be cool, but I’m not going to count on it.

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If there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call?

Ghostpuppers!

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Steve & Nat’s relationship : a summary

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relationship status: (drives through the night while 80s synthpop plays in the background)

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“Most of the time, everyone deserves more than one chance. We all do things we regret now and then.”

— Celeste Ng, Little Fires Everywhere

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I’m at a wealthy middle-aged christmas party with my best friend a woman came up to me and said “you have to try the gouda” and I said “is it firm?” and she said “yes I wouldn’t have anything less” and we both threw our heads back and laughed and I’m still not sure why

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Marvel Studios 10th Anniversary - Class Photo ‘There was a ton of fanboying and fangirling going on in that room, with each other.’

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oh my god do people here like toto’s africa ironically? but… i genuinely love it. jt’s so good.

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My biggest regret was pretending like everything was okay

When it fucking wasn’t.

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Marvel Studios 10th Anniversary - Class Photo ‘There was a ton of fanboying and fangirling going on in that room, with each other.’

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unlike hopper, david breaks no promise 😂

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Master of None season 2 episode titles

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2018

Here we are again. Per usual, it’s been about 6 months since my last life update and wow have things changed. Well I’ll just cut to the chase, I have officially moved back to Vacaville from Los Angeles. All in all, this decision came about due to my deteriorating mental health. Working at a record label was fun, exciting, fulfilling my career goals, etc. but it was draining the life out of me. I had a moment in November where I realized that all I do is work. I have become the Class A Workaholic. There’s nothing wrong with that per say, but I had become so anxious about the workload and my lack of friendship/love/support (pretty much everything in life not related to work) that I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had this moment after coming home from Thanksgiving break and I really looked around my apartment and it all just felt empty. I had no friends or family to share anything with. “I had everything but nothing.” It was a bleak day. But this all wasn’t just based off that one moment. I was even reading my last post and I mentioned I was torn between moving home or not back then. This is something that I’ve been struggling with for almost all of 2017, it just took me this long to finally come to peace with moving home. I accomplished my goals in the music industry and honestly just want to take a break so that I can finally take care of myself properly, mentally and physically. It was kind of weird saying goodbyes and stuff to those in LA. I saw this whole part of my life just detaching from who I was. I packed up my desk at work, I hung out with True North for the last time, took one last trip to Malibu (my favorite beach, screw Santa Monica) and just like that I felt like this different person. I’m no longer that guy in LA who works at a record label and plays in a band. This might sound weird but now I’m just Victor. I have no obligations or commitments or anything happening right now and for the first time I’m actually okay with that and not knowing what’s going to really happen next. But I do have a plan so that I’m not just freeloading and wasting time while home. I started off the year going back to therapy. I have my second appointment on the 16th. We’re going to discuss and try different medications this time and really work together to get my brain in the right space. I found an incredible doctor named Nikhil who has already open and willing to help me through this. I have a feeling that this time that the help is going to go a long ways especially with the support from family back at home. I’m currently job hunting. I’ve had a couple interviews already with a third one on Tuesday. I’m not really worried about finding a decent office job. I know my worth in an office and am consistently getting hit up for interviews so whenever the right jobs fits, I’ll take it. Once I’ve been in Vacaville for some time, settled into, working/saving money I’m going to enroll at Berklee College of Music to pursue my Bachelors Degree. I’m actually kind of excited to go back to school. I’ll get to sharpen my music business skills and take some more music theory classes, which is always fun. But that’s what 2018 is looking like so far. Living at home, Working, and going back to School. It’s like I’m taking a step backwards but I think this is what I need to get my anxiety under control. I’m excited for the simpler life. I’m extremely excited to not be glued to my phone because of work anymore. So FYI you probably won’t see any activity on FB and IG anymore. I’m just gonna use Twitter cause it’s just a thought dump. Other than all those things, everything is same. My last few months in LA felt like they did at the beginning of the year: lonely and empty. I guess the last thing is my cousin and I plan on moving in together once I get settled so that’s cool. Oh and still on the search for a girlfriend find me on OkCupid lol (i’m so lame, help) Until June.

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this is now a complete adult lunchable