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Staying Home Survival Guide Through The Eyes of A Flight Attendant

A couple years ago I found myself having to stay home due to an injury. I had spent over a decade in the air interacting with over 600 people a day, then one day, BOOM - isolation! The adjustment was HUGE. I quickly found myself in a dark hole. I didn't even understand how the lack of outside human interaction would cause my vision and outlook to darken. Unable to drive, unable to work, unable to even physically do many things that most of us take for granted, I needed to quickly figure out a way to keep my mental health, well, healthy. Through trial and error I did just that - not only survived but thrived. Here are some basic simple steps I took to make life roll on and forward in positive motion.

See the Quads

We all have 4 quadrants to our day:

Morning

Afternoon

Evening

Nightime

It is important to recognize those four and highlight them. Every day regardless if you are home or out and about, you still have those 4 quadrants. ​Write down on a chalk board, white board or piece of paper the four quadrants, or as I like to call them, The Quads. Make sure it is somewhere you can see it. It may help to make a pie chart, and divide it into 4 sections.

Now that we see these four quads, our day suddenly seems very manageable. We have just regained control by this simple step.

Make a List

(We call this our "Can Do" List)

*avoid "to do" list as that can trigger anxiety.

LIST EVERYTHING!

Example:

wake up

brush teeth

make breakfast

have coffee

shower

get dressed

call dad

put laundry in wash

read chapter 2 of book

make lunch (tuna melt? new recipe?)

walk around the block

watch remember the titans

put clothes in dryer

organize spice cabinet

go through closet

prepare dinner

dishes

mediate

make a vision board

check the mail

make a cup of tea

FaceTime a friend

stretch/exercise

practice duolingo

prepare for bed

relax and reflect

Ok, you get the idea. Writing down a list of all the things you may or may not do that day begins your day with purpose and clarity. As you move about your quads during the day be sure you scratch off the items you have done off of your list creating accomplishment.

Get dressed every day like you are meeting a friend for lunch. EVERYDAY.

It is very easy to stay in sweats, comfy cozies, or pj's while being stuck at home. While this is great to do on a weekend day while you are working outside of the house, or while you are sick, doing this daily without interacting with the outside world is a quick way to fall into a slump. Important! Dress everyday like you are leaving the house.

Think of your goals, hobbies or something new you always wanted to try.

It may not be possible during your home bound state to do a lot of things you would like, however there is nothing stoping you from planning out the future of when you return. Magic happens in our soul when we start to dream about the future. Is back packing through Europe on your bucket list? What kind of backpack would you take? What supplies would go in it? What shoes would you wear? What is the cost associated? What is the time frame you would need? What socks will keep your feet protected? Take the opportunity you have right now at home to really dive into the things you have said you always wanted to do or try.

Connection

Stay connected with the outside world. There are many ways to accomplish this: Email, text, phone, FaceTime, social media, or writing an ol' fashion letter. Relationships are our glue in life. Interesting enough, just making the initiation of contact fulfills our desire of that life glue. Reach out without the expectation of response. We do not want to create an unhealthy dependance on others responding to our every contact initiation. If we are dependent on the other end answering it could lead to disappointment and frustration.

Get Outside

Go outside regardless of the weather. Taking a walk or stroll, no matter the distance, is one of the best things you can do. Changing the air we breath and the environment we are in is essential. Everyday step outside and walk.

Celebrate

There is nearly a holiday everyday from National Doughnut Day (June 5th by the way) to Christmas, CELEBRATE them. Do you enjoy watching the Oscars? Have a party! Even if it is a party of one. Go into your closet, dress to the nines, decorate, poor something sparkly and watch the event. Celebrating things big or very small is a great reminder that life is worth celebrating.

Meditate

There are multiple benefits of meditation. I have found that even 10 minutes has a profound impact. Focus on your breath. Inhale … Exhale … In …. Out … Headspace.com is a great source if your new to meditation. Meditation can be done anytime, anywhere, and during any metal state. Bringing meditation to your day will keep you grounded during your current circumstance. Meditating is like someone is giving you a flashlight in a dark room. Yes, you can make it out of the dark room without it, but it may be difficult. When you have a flash light… ahhhh better, so much better. Meditating is just ahhhh better, so much better.

This is not an article full of suggestions of what to do when stuck at home, there are plenty of those. This is a survival guide. Staying at home for any reason can be mentally tough, so give your self a break! Just as with anything, sometimes you just need to give yourself a break, a cheat day. It is possible that you find yourself in bed all day binging a new show and That Is Okay. The important thing is that the following day you get up and enjoy the quads of the day.

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Vantage Point

Author Melissa Vida

What lens are you looking through?

It has been so eye opening reliving memories from the past with my adult children. We could be discussing the exact same event, the exact same memory but due to our different perspectives it is as if we are reliving them through an entirely different lens. When I first noticed this happening I was so frustrated. How could a memory I hold so near and dear to my heart be something my daughter hardly can even recall, let alone have an feelings of fondness of. How could my son not recall a monumental teaching moment I orchestrated when he was 10, something I was sure directed his entire life path. I began to reflect on the memories I had of my own childhood. What lens do I wear when I recall them? Are my own childhood memories even real? Am I missing out on some precious memories that as a kid I held no value to?

According to wikipedia:

Memory is the faculty of the brain by which information is encoded, stored, and retrieved when needed.

Memory is vital to experiences, it is the retention of information over time for the purpose of influencing future action. If we could not remember past events, we could not learn or develop language, relationships, or personal identity

Memory is not a perfect processor, and is affected by many factors. The manner information is encoded, stored, and retrieved can all be corrupted. The amount of attention given new stimuli can diminish the amount of information that becomes encoded for storage.

Ok, so let me make sure I got this. Our past memories are vital to our future, however our memories can be corrupted. Well then. Ok . Time to dive deep.

Memories are my own, only mine. The memories I have from my childhood and the memories I have of my own children. I own them. Others may have a different vantage point of the exact same thing, and it is all ok- that is their memory. They get to have that and hold it. I may have chosen to not remember certain things to create a healthy future for myself, or I may have chosen to remember a painful thing to protect my future self. Without getting into the medical reason for all of this, I simply am willing to accept that our memories are perfectly imperfect. The line from point A to point B is NOT straight, and that is beautiful.

Sharing our memories create phenomenal stories. Some stories are happy, some sad, some loud, some annoying, some painful, some full of pride, some full of joy. The consistent thread is that memories invoke feelings and those feeling mold and shape our future. In the spirit of creating a happy, positive vibe to my being, I'm going to continue to recall the happy memories I have from my childhood, like riding my red bike to the corner market and buying a chico stick, or making perfume from the flowers in my yard. Of course, the plethora of beautiful memories I have from raising my children will forever be cherished. Just remembering my daughter barely old enough to walk and her wanting nothing more then to style my hair for hours, awe. Precious. Or the time my preschool son wanted to marry me, awe. So cute.

Memories. Although we may all remember the same events differently, the purpose of our memories are consistent; Regardless of our vantage point, memories overall help us along on our journey.

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Fall Back

Author Melissa Vida

Fall back in love with yourself. While Spring is a great time to clean and refresh, Fall is a great time to nest and surround yourself with warmth and love. Fall back, fall back in love with you and your world.

Take the start of this season to grab your favorite pumpkin spice, your cozy sweater or blanket and just sit with gratitude.

Just sit and reflect.

Fall back. Fall back into that great t.v. series or that terrific novel. Fall back into candle light. Fall back into comfort food and recipes of hearty deliciousness. Fall back into the warm colors and cool days. Fall back into fog, rain, snow and chill. Fall back into a crackling fire and hot cocoa. Fall back into boots and scarfs. Fall back into tea and cider. Fall back into football. Fall back into longer nights and that extra hour gained. Fall back into the holidays that are now days aways. Fall back into friends and family. Put away the to do list and just fall back. Stop any deep cleaning and/or organizing and just fall back. Relax and Fall back.

Relieve the pressure of must and have to. Just take a moment to reset yourself into love and give. Fall back into generosity. Fall back into walking instead of running, stretching instead of lifting. Fall back into going to bed early and sleeping in late . Just for a moment at the start of this Fall, allow yourself to Fall back.

Fall back. Fall back in love with the art of nature, from the smallest changing leaf and to the array of popping colors on the shortest of drives. Fall back into the nights of soothing storms that lull you to sleep. Fall back into smells of cinnamon and apple. Fall back into you.

May this Fall be a reminder to surround yourself with you.

May you Fall back in love with you.

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Respect the Curve

Author Melissa Vida

Things seem important in the moment, but life is bigger than those small moments. Respect them for what they are, but do not weight the importance of them merely by the feeling they create in the moment.

A great example of this is a high school break up. When we experienced that break up, that moment in time seemed like the end of the world. (If your reading this as a high schooler and just went through a break up, I am not minimizing your current perspective, I know it hurts.) Being on the other side of the break up, many years later, we look back at that break up as a minimal moment. We may even laugh about it.

Our lives should be graded on a curve.

It is really important to keep our struggles and trials that we are experiencing now, in the now and not in our future.

Life is ebb and flow. There has to be those "down moments" so we can appreciate those "up moments." If every song we heard was in that awesome high note we love, every word sung in that high note, every pitch in that high note, we would start to not admire that high note. In fact we may get bored of that high note, or even worse begin to be annoyed by the high note we loved. We need all the low notes and the high notes to make us appreciate and love that high note.

Live in the moment, yes! BUT that does not mean to dwell in the moment. Being stuck in the lows of life will do a number to your mental health.

A great exercise to maintain a balance is "High Low" - Take a moment daily to think about your highest moment of your day, and yes your lowest moments. Take a moment to reflect and appreciate both, for with out one you would not have the other. This is also a great exercise to do with a family member or friend. Connection between our friends and family really increase the opportunity to see the brighter side of life.

Life is not a stream of pure bliss and that is the most beautiful thing I have learned to accept. My life, just like yours, is graded on a curve and I am grateful for that.

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Unseen Scars

Author Melissa Vida

I was five years old and spotted a ring pop. It was perched on top of the T.V., which was sitting on top of the dresser. My brilliant five year old self spotted a way to be tall enough to grab it. My red tricycle! I rolled my tricycle straight over, climbed up and stood on the seat. I wasn’t tall enough so I went as high as I could on my tricycle. I stood on the handle bars and stretched on my tip toes. In one swift motion my bike flew one way and my chin went down on the corner of the dresser. That’s when it happened, my first physical scar. Around the same time my first emotional scar happened as well. I was sexually abused by my grandpa. Grandpas are supposed to be the ones that protect their granddaughters, not the one that granddaughters need protecting from. Although he was technically my step grandfather my love for him was no different.

My first day of first grade I was excited and nervous. I was also scared. I was scared the other kids were going to see my scars, both internally and externally. What would they think if they saw my scars? Would they think I was a freak? Would they make fun of me? Would I live my entire first grade friendless? My fears created anxiety. To survive my first grade school year I did my very best to hide my scars.

With each scar, scar tissue would happen.

Scars are adhesions on tissue in the body that form after trauma.

Scars create new fibers that align themselves in a random, mismatched formation which can reduce flexibility in the area and cause dysfunctional movement.

Scars are formed as part of the body’s repair process, new protein (collagen) fibers replace the injured tissue.

Scars effect the sensory feedback with the connecting tissue. This connecting tissue is also referred to as our our facia. Our fascia surrounds all of our muscles, organs and nerves, similar to a web

There is functional fascia and dysfunctional fascia.

-Functional fascia is like taking your jazz hands and sliding your fingers straight into each other and having them fit together perfectly. Think of a tightly woven basket.

-Dysfunctional or interrupted fascia is like doing the same thing but having your hands at an angle. Your fingers will not slide in and out as easily, there is more resistance in the second set of jazz

hands.

Scar tissue can disrupt our fascia.

Our fascias biggest role is transmitting force through the body so when scar tissue disrupts our fascia, force will impact a single spot along our kinetic chain. Over time hitting that signal spot (scar tissue) can be as impairing as the original trauma that caused the scar. It is important to understand that over time scar tissue can be routinely damaging.

As life progressed I would end up having many more scars. Each one just as painful and exposing. Each one acquiring scar tissue. For way too long I thought that scar tissue impairment, both physical and emotional, were a certainty. I was wrong.

Although you cannot erase your scars, you can nearly eliminate the scar tissue that effects our fascia through massage thus improving the flexibility around your scars. This can be done regardless of the age of your scar or scar tissue and with time your scars will fade and scar tissue can be eliminated.

Our emotional scars parallel our physical ones. Although it may be painful, through work, therapy and emotional massage, we can improve the scar tissue and increase flexibility around our scars and with time our emotional scars will also fade and our emotional scar tissue can be eliminated.

Personally, the scars I acquired when I was five are now barely noticeable. Forgiveness and acceptance were my biggest massage tools, they were paramount in increasing flexibility in the areas surrounding my scars, eliminating my scar tissue, and creating my own functional fascia.

-Scars are evidence of our pain and evidence of our life -

-Our scars do not define us, they are us-

-We have lived and survived our trauma-

Deleting or improving the evidence of scar tissue can be a very difficult process, sometimes as painful as the trauma that caused the original scar. Before working on your emotional scar tissue, seek professional assistance for help. If your emotional scar tissue has taken you to great despair, please reach out. (Below I have listed the suicide prevention line.)

Recently I experienced a trauma which resulted in an additional scar. This new scar is on the front of my neck and is approximately 3 inches in length. It is the largest scar I have. It is the most visible scar I have. Yet, I am no longer nervous or anxious what my friends will say. I no longer try to hide my scars. Today, I am grateful for all of my scars as they make up who I am. To be in the place of acceptance of all of me is a great place to be.

Suicide Prevention Line

1-800-273-8255

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Reality T.V.

Author Melissa Vida

Anyone remember America Funniest Home Video? It was the beginning of the era of video recording for public viewing. This was a time when VHS, VHSc and 8 mm film was capturing every second of our baby millennials.

Then came along digital cameras, making the act of preserving memories more convienent and easier. Next cameras were added onto our mobile phones.

Now we've done it.

The digital era has progressed so quickly that we now can record our life and every second of it. (In fact, if you haven't checked it out the App, 1 Second Everyday, is a great app for this purpose.)

Record your life one second at a time.

This digital era has become a measuring stick. We are able to record where we have been and where we are going.

"Life is like a movie, write your own ending.

Keep believing, keep pretending." - Jim Henson

We can use social platforms to take a look at our life and reflect.

Exercise:

Scroll through what social pages you have and scan the photos you have taken and posted. Do they reflect who you want to be? Are they snapshots of who you truly are? Do they reflect where you see your future self?

Project:

Create and produce your own Reality T.V. show in 4 steps.

Your reality t.v. show has probably already been started via the many different social media apps available. Facebook, snap chats, vines, twitter, instagram, and YouTube are examples of some of the platforms we use. You may have one, some, or all of these applications, if you do, visit your pages with a fresh look. These platforms are what we use to create and produce our own reality t.v. shows.

1. Your reality show should be reflective of you.

Scan through and delete, archive or hide past post that are no longer a representation of the current you.

Think: transparency and accuracy.

Since social media platforms have been in play for over a decade, this project may take some time but the reward will be well worth it.

2. Your own reality show should spark joy.

As with all things in your life, your social media pages should also spark joy. There may be a picture you have of an adorable kitten you saw, however every time you see that picture it reminds you of the speeding ticket you received on the same day. Delete it! Regardless of how many likes the picture has. Your pages should be a place you can go to spark joy.

3. Your reality show should protect the star, YOU.

Gone are the days of scrap booking and photo album making where most of our lives were kept to ourselves, only sharing to who and when we wanted to. Today we live in a day where our digital imprint can expand to our most outer social circles of life, so be cautious of what your putting out there for the world, (strangers and future employers included.) Also, there is a possibility of oversharing your life. I have definitely been guilty of this. If you have overshared your life in the past, now is a great time reflect and revise. With our current privacy laws, it is now easier than ever to clean up your social sharing.

4. Review and rewatch your reality show.

After many weeks and possibly months of working on your social platforms, you should be able to view them and feel that they are a snap shot of the true you, and most importantly they should give you a feeling of peace, happiness and fulfillment.

We are evolving humans. No one or nothing ever remains the same. Each and everyone of us is constantly changing. It is very important to review your reality t.v. show from time to time to make sure you are staying accurate and in line with your vision of your truth.

With technology speeding forward with warp speed it is important to slow down for a moment. Just a short 20 years ago I would take pictures with a camera and film. I would drop off the film to be developed and wait a week. When I would pick up the pictures I could barely wait to see them, it was nearly as intoxicating as having fresh french fries in your car from a drive-thru. Once I was home I would go through each picture to see how they turned out. I would chose the best ones to place in a photo album. I would chose which ones I wanted blown up for sharing or to place in a frame and proudly display on my walls. A lot has changed. There has been a removal of moments of slowing down and reflecting. By using the steps of creating your own reality t.v. show, we can bring back a little bit of reflection and slow it down just enough to appreciate our lives.

"There is more to life than increasing its speed." - Gandhi

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Y.O.L.O

Author Melissa Vida

You Only Live Once: although its popularity has come and gone, the truth in this statement carries on. It was a phrase that captured the millennials. Some believe that YOLO encourages recklessness. I disagree: YOLO is about living your day to the fullest.

That is the message here. It is about the experience of your life. It is about capturing the spirit of living. Not throwing caution to the wind, but pulling your sail up and riding with the wind.

Finish this sentence, I have always wanted to ____.

For example: do a stand up comedy show. Well, you only live once. Find an open mic spot and do it!

But I'm too old. I'm shy. I'm busy.

Not an excuse! You’re still breathing. Taking and making opportunities, and then acting on those opportunities, carves our facets. Our facets are what make us. They shape our lives. Without facets we lack dimension, spark, and uniqueness.

YOLO can sound like just going out and doing whatever you feel in the moment, but there are three steps to any action: having the idea, creating a plan, and going through with your plan. There are two proven and effective techniques I use to activate a YOLO mentality:

Use a Dream Board

Whether you use something physical, like a poster board or whiteboard, or go digital with an app (I like VISUAPP and Pinterest), dream boards can be an effective way to get you motivated and help open up your creative self to explore new directions. Plus, seeing your visions for yourself on a regular basis can help keep you focused and remind you of what's important, which takes us to the next step...

Create S.M.A.R.T. Goals

Specific: Be specific and detailed.

Measurable: How will you measure your completion?

Attainable: Is it realistic?

Relevant: Will it create a facet to your life?

Time-Bound: Give yourself a deadline.

Once you have a vision and a goal, the third step it to actually DO IT. Let's go back to our stand up comedy dream. We...

... created a dream board with some of our most admired comedy shows, venues and jokes.

... are specific about the details of the show: Where and when? Who will be there? How we will perform it?

... are going to use social media as our measuring stick and our accountability tool.

... set a venue and time that was attainable. We have realistic expectations for meeting our goal.

... chose a short mic time slot that will empower us and create a facet to our life.

... set a time and date, with makes us time-bound.

Now, it’s time to…

Just Do It

On the days or weeks leading up to your YOLO moment, it is important to keep yourself engaged and on track. This is your moment! But some things are easier said than done; as you head into this last step, remember to:

Find Inspiration: Look around and what inspires will be revealed.

Get Excited: Use any tools you have available to get excited.

Build Anticipation: Talk with your support network, or build a support network.

Ebb and Flow: Realize that you will not be "pumped" 100% of the time.

Squash: Squash negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones.

Every one of us is given this one life to live. Time does not stand still: like a river, it continues to flow and move. Sometimes it flows like a small babble and other times it moves with a full roar. Regardless, living each moment of life with a YOLO mentality will keep your life driven with purpose.

The ripple effect you will create by living a purpose driven life echos through eternity. It doesn't take a grand gesture to start; you can begin by implementing even the smallest thing. You have the power to change right now — live your life and YOLO.

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Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway

Author Melissa Vida

While researching fear, one thing that was consistent over and over again was the word perception.

Fear - An unpleasant feeling triggered by the perception of danger, real or imagined.

Fear - A feeling induced by perceived danger or threat.

Fear - An unpleasant emotion caused by a response to a perceived threat of danger, pain, or harm.

Fear is the number one thing that will hold you back from being everything you want to be, from having everything you want to have. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Fear can make you sick. Fear can prevent your raise. Fear can create bad habits. Fear can leave you lonely. Fear can act as your friend but truly be your enemy. Fear will destroy your optimum you. Feel the fear and do it anyway. People try to blame ambition or laziness as to why they have not been able to achieve their personal greatness. It is ambition or laziness, it is FEAR.

An easy way to combat fear is to do as the old saying goes - “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

Many believe this quote was written by First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt when in fact it was not, it was Mary Schmich.

Mary Schmich is a silent instrument that inspires people to take a leap, to face your fears and to just jump.

“DO ONE THING EVERY DAY THAT SCARES YOU”

-Mary Schmich-

That phrase alone evokes energy. Creates feelings. Challenges complacency. It is a corner stone to our internal power. Almost every reward that comes from life is scary at first. If we don’t take the leap and do that one thing that day that scared us, our reward will be wasted and gone. Opportunity is all around us. But taking the opportunity can be scary.

Mary Schmich’s column “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young” was published in the Chicago Tribune on June 1, 1997.

In the column’s introduction Schmich presents the essay as the commencement speech she would give if she were asked to give one. In the speech she insistently recommends the wearing of sunscreen, and dispenses other advice and warnings which are intended to help people live a happier life and avoid common frustrations. She later explained that the initial inspiration for what advice to offer came from seeing a young woman sunbathing, and hoping that she was wearing sunscreen, unlike what she herself did at that age. There are many take aways from such a simple song/newspaper column. However the hidden power to this is actually in the author. Mary Schmich was 43 at the time she wrote this column. Mary wrote this column, which is now known as “Wear Sunscreen” in just a short 4 hours. Mary didn’t hesitate for even one second. She just wrote and jumped.

The column caught the attention of Australian film director Baz Luhrmann and was mastered and released into a spoken song and it became known as “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”

In 1999 the start of our millennials were graduating. This song was played at most graduations and was played on nearly every radio station across the nation. Each millennial, x-gen, and baby boomer alive today had an exposure to this song. The impact of this song continues to linger and hold truth to each of us today. Here is a link to the song. Take a moment to stop and listen for a trigger of wellness to your soul.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJew4fxHl1U

By doing one thing everyday that scares you, you are training yourself to overcome your objections and climb your obstacles. We were born to feel the fear and do it anyway, we were born to do one thing everyday that scare us. As we took our first steps in this world we fell, we cried, we were scared, but we naturally continued to do it everyday until we were running. As children we lived feel the fear and do it anyway, why as adults do we hesitate? The answer is not the importance, change is.

Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You

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Imprints of Life and Death

Author Melissa Vida

The pain, the pain that happens when we lose someone we love is so deep. The bigger the imprint they have left on our life the deeper the ache is, the longer it takes to breath again. Sometimes when you lose someone so close to you, your breath never becomes the same again. You are permanently changed because of the imprint that they have left. The feeling of loss is not exclusive to people, there can be an equal feeling of loss with a job, a pet, a sports team, a home; it all comes down to the imprint. There are many topics on grieving and if you have recently lost something or someone please seek support. The focus of this written piece is my personal experience with my loss and where I have chosen to place my heart via words.

I have lost all of my grandparents. I have lost friends young and old. I have lost children. I have lost jobs. I have lost marriages. Each so painful that I thought I would never make it through to the other side, many very dark days.

While preparing for my daughters funeral, I was going through her items and found one of those clay hand imprints of hers and it hit me like a ton of bricks. IMPRINTS - the pain of my daughter losing her life hurt so much because of the gigantic imprint she left on my soul, on my life. I instantly felt so much peace and calm, like everything just clicked, like a lego piece, or the feeling of placing the last piece into the jigsaw puzzle you've been working on for weeks. Ahhhh yes. Clarity.

Our earthly life was never intended to be everlasting. We all have an expiration date, some sooner than others, but regardless each of us will die and leave this world. It is the imprints we leave and the imprints we allow to be left with us that matter.

Knowing this brings a perfect calculation that allows me to feel pain with joy, to cry with sorrow and laugh all at the same time. It makes my feelings have validation. I am who I am because of the imprints that have been left on me. Knowing this gives me a secret and a gift I can give. I can also be an imprint on the people that are in my circle and even to people that I may not be aware of. Leaving an imprint is just as important as allowing imprints to be left on you. Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to live. I've heard it before, the dates on the grave stone does not matter, but it is the dash in between that does. I get it. This doesn't take my pain away but it does give my pain purpose and validation.

To all of those I have lost, thank you for leaving such a big imprint on me, in return I will try to do the same to others.

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Trees can be inspiring

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Everyone Gets A Trophy 🏆

Author- Melissa Vida

The year is 1982. My cousin who is the same age as me has his peewee football party that I go to for the free pizza. Time for the trophies to be announced and handed out. We all draw our attention to coach. The name called for MVP, Vincent. That was it. Back to pizza. There was a team trophy that was there that had the division placement noted. But that was it. No individual trophies, no multiple categories, no speech about how everyone deserves a trophy and recognition. That was it. The team gathered at the end the of the season to celebrate playing football together. To celebrate being a team. They recognized one player that went above and beyond and that was it. No one cried because they didn’t get a trophy. In fact quite the opposite. Everyone appreciated being part of the team and  just playing football. We finished our pizza and ran outside to play.

Now fast forward to 2001. My son is 10 years old. I am taking him to his peewee football party. We walk into a banquet room and there is a table with a cake and 16 trophies. Pizza comes and the kids dig in. With the exception of one child who wasn’t allowed to have pizza because he was a vegetarian and no veggie pizzas were ordered. Luckily his parents had anticipated this and brought him a veggie snack so he wouldn’t feel left out. Then finally the moment the kids have been waiting for since they stepped foot into that banquet room. Cake! Yup, not the trophies, the cake. With plates of cake dished the coach finally steps up and begins to hand out the trophies. Parents are seated around the room with camcorders and their cameras, myself included. This is the moment we have been waiting for. When someone other than ourselves talk about how special our child is. The coach proceeds to go through each child in alphabetical order and say a special blurb about them and have them come up receive their trophy and get their applause. With the event over everyone heads home and proceeds to place the trophy on their children’s dresser.

Many people claim that everyone getting a trophy created an unbalanced sense of worth. It has been said that handing out trophies to everyone became the start of the downfall of a generation, yet today that same generation is thriving. 

Taking my son home with his trophy in tow was special. More for me than him. I was able to document proof via video and photos my son’s accomplishments. I had a tangible item to prove how special my child was. It gave me  platform to let my son know that he was unique, special and could do anything he put his mind to. I gave affirmation that just participating was worth celebration. It wasn’t the millennials that demanded a trophy for participation. It was us, the Baby Boomers and Generation X. I have gone back and forth on whether this was good or bad of us to do. I have come to the conclusion that it is both.  

“CONSTANT AFFIRMATION OF HOW SPECIAL AND UNIQUE OF AN INDIVIDUAL YOU ARE CREATES A SPECIAL AND UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL.”

Every participant is first place 

Being told over and over that you will never amount to anything, your lazy and worthless, will affect you in one of two ways. 

1) You will harbor resentment and live your life to prove the opposite.  

2) You will resolve into a life of what you are being told. 

Taking the same rules and applying them to being told you are special and unique and that you can do anything you put mind to will render different results. 

1) You will resolve into becoming unique and special and doing anything you want. 

2) You will feel inadequate and strive to achieve being special and unique. 

Even though the results are not entirely positive from having years of positive affirmation. I still choose it over the alternative. Here we have an entire generation that was raised being told that they deserve everything in life. That they have an opportunity to be anything they want because they are unique and special. The best part of that is that it is true. It is true for each and every one of us not just our millennials. Our finger prints are not identical. Our stories are all as unique as our DNA. We all can really do anything. Believing it is the tough part. 

“Create the highest grandest vision possible for your life because you become what you believe.” - Oprah Winfrey

We become what we believe. This is Great News. It means we have an actual choice in who and what we become because we are the only ones that get to chose what we believe. Two steps can help you be consistent in your positive belief flow.

Step One - Decide confidently that you BELIEVE in yourself .

There are many podcast, books, blogs, and seminars that are dedicated to finding that fire inside of you to have longevity in your self belief. Research and find what works for you.

Step Two - Give yourself a trophy, you earned it, simply by participating.

Believing in yourself and living life is an accomplishment, an accomplishment that you should recognize. Yes, I mean an actual trophy, something that will visually remind you that you are special and unique.

Continuing reaching, continue growing, because you are the person that will change the world. 

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Babies + Millennials = Choice

Author - Melissa Vida

Sex. Millennials grew up with sex being portrayed in a casual liberating movement. While millennials were in their formative years the generations that were raising them had experienced the consequences of casual sex. Diseases that cultivated fear. Scary diseases such as Hepatitis C, Herpes, or becoming HIV positive. Even worse there was Aids which was a death sentence. Date rape drugs were moving onto the forefront and another consequence of casual sex was unwanted and unexpected pregnancies. Plan B really wasn’t a viable option until 2006.

We, the generations giving millennials advice, were determined to cover this topic of sex better than any other generation in the past.

When I was about 12 years old my mother sat me down on the bed and brought out this big book. In the book was a picture of a girl and a boy and it showed all the different phases of life. Cartoon drawings from puberty to geriatric. My mom let me know that I will become a women soon. I was told how babies were born. I was told that I was a precious flower and I should give my special flower to my future husband. That was it. She asked if I had any questions. Of course I didn’t have questions. Ew! After that conversation I learned from friends at school.

Yes, we, the generations raising these millennials, were determined to do it different. We didn’t impose fear. We provided information. We paired our desire of hope and admiration in respect to sex. It came down to choices, empowerment. While our millennials were in high school we requested that they consider waiting. Just wait, not for forever, but just until they were done with high school. If they chose to have sex, be responsible. This was out of desire to want more for them than what we had for ourselves.

Information that was (and still is) available on the internet about sex is abundant. This helped our millennials become the first generation that is doing it right. Teen pregnancy is down by 64 percent since the millennials have been on the scene.With lowering teen pregnancy rates, our millennials are having a choice. A choice of when or if to have kids.

Many claim our millennials are self centered and this is the reason more of this generation is either delaying having children, having fewer children or making a choice to not have children at all. (the last option being my preferred advice I give millennials that cross my path.)

Let’s take a quick glance at what our millennials are looking at when they think about procreating.

Childcare Cost

College Debt

Political Atmosphere

Terrorist

Health Insurance

Flexibility

Unpaid Maternity Leave

Environment

Over Crowding

Financial Limitations

Self centered? NO. If anything it is opposite. I implore you think opposite from the general population. Having a child to use them as another type of selfie, to push your own failed hopes and dreams onto, to fill an empty spot you have, or to do it because you think you have to? These have been actual reasons new humans have been created. I believe our millennials are being selfless. They are choosing education and careers. They are choosing to make an actual impact in our world. They are choosing to make a difference. They are choosing to impact our humans and animals that currently occupy our planet. They are choosing to be a part of finding a cure for so many diseases of the body and mind that plague our lives. They are choosing to take care of our elderly. They are choosing life

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The Consequences of Being a Successful Parent

Author ~ Melissa Vida

I raised three beautiful children. I sacrificed my entire life to make sure they became successful adults. Everything I did was for them.  I worked multiple jobs to make sure they had all of their needs and wants fulfilled. I encouraged them to be confident and strong, yet sensitive and guarded. Why then am I surprised that my adult children are all these these things. I guess because I didn’t realize that raising them this way would mean that our future relationship would be a choice and not a given. I had three children by the age of 24, and then gained three step children by the age of 27. Six kids, I was molding six kids, I was helping encourage six kids to be everything they wanted or could dream of. Now I am peeking around the corner at turning 50 and its a struggle to know what is happening in my children's lives. I sit here surprised and I am truly shocked I am surprised. This is exactly how I raised them. TO BE INDEPENDENT and self sufficient. It hurts, I envisioned I would get a calls from my daughter daily, that my son would cherish me always. I envisioned Hollywood’s version of an adult child parent relationship. That we would all have our weekly dinner and stay connected. Real life is not a TV show or a RomCom Movie. I didn’t realize the consequences of being a successful parent. I reflect and wonder what I would do different, what I would have done to create a lifetime close relationship with these adult children. My answer, nothing. They turned out perfect. Each of them are on their own journey. I’ll just continue to sacrifice. My children are leading their best lives and although I may not be included the way I want to be, they are including me the way that works for each of them. As a parent your sacrifices for them should never stop. With that said, my sacrifice for mine won’t either. 

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Fine Tune Your Radio

Author Melissa Vida

Life can be full of static. Static is what can stress us all out. The noise becomes overwhelming. A knee jerk reaction to to the static is to turn it off. Everything off, to “unplug.”

Unplug. Thats what people do right? They will take a vacation and leave it all behind, or simply have that glass of wine as a night cap. They will watch mindless television or follow the rabbit hole on reddit. They will scroll social media and click their many likes. None of these things are bad actions if done on a limited basis, however if on repeat you may be missing out on opportunities that life is ready to present you.

Daily, simple practices can limit our need to completely unplug, therefore keeping us engaged in the ability to enrich our lives. “…but the static,” you say. I know. It is so loud and gets louder everyday. Unplugging the radio of life is also turning off the music of life. The music of life is what feeds our soul. When you hear (or feel) the static of life, let it be a cue to do a fine tune. A small fine tune can bring in a clear station full of beautiful life music that will enhance your journey. What and how to tune your radio station is up to you to find. Here are some examples.

-The Triple 7:

7-730 7 days a week. Use the time of 7-730, 7 days a week to completely unplug. Turn off your phone, music or tv. Just get lost in your thoughts. Listen to the sounds around you. It is a great opportunity to let creativity flow to start your day.

-Mediatate:

There are so many benefits to meditation. Meditation can happen while completing every day task. Being present and mindful clears away the clutter. Headspace https://www.headspace.com is a great app to help get you started if you have not been able to successfully meditate.

-The UNnotifications:

Take control back of your phone. Turn off all notifications. Check your email when you chose to. We are in a time when our cell phones are dictating when and how we use them.

-Walk Out Song:

Imagine for a second that you are about to give a TED like talk. There is a HUGE crowd waiting to hear you speak. You get one song to chose to walk out to. This is a song that has a great opening and encourages you, motivates you, inspires you. Now take a moment, put your headphones in and play your “Walk Out Song.”

-Scents:

Aromatherapy. Smells can carry us away to a mini vacation. There are oils and creams that can deliver a calmer us, but oils and creams are not the only way. Grab and orange and peel it. Take in its refreshing scents. The smells from your spice cabinet, or from your office coffee machine can deliver similar results.

-The Tennis Ball:

Having a tennis ball around can help you free the static that is felt in your body. Use it to roll on your back leaning against a wall. Use it on your hips while in a seated position. Use it to increase the patine energy in your body buy rolling your feet on it. You can also use it to just squeeze tension out.

There are many ways to find your own way of tuning your radio station so it is free from static. The main take away is to simply do it. We have been catapulted into a world that keeps increasing the amount of static that surrounds us. The yearly “unplugs” are not going to suffice any longer. A healthier you means taking the cue and fine tune. Enjoy the music of life.

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Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway

Author Melissa Vida

While researching fear, one thing that was consistent over and over again was the word perception.

Fear - An unpleasant feeling triggered by the perception of danger, real or imagined.

Fear - A feeling induced by perceived danger or threat.

Fear - An unpleasant emotion caused by a response to a perceived threat of danger, pain, or harm.

Fear is the number one thing that will hold you back from being everything you want to be, from having everything you want to have. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Fear can make you sick. Fear can prevent your raise. Fear can create bad habits. Fear can leave you lonely. Fear can act as your friend but truly be your enemy. Fear will destroy your optimum you. Feel the fear and do it anyway. People try to blame ambition or laziness as to why they have not been able to achieve their personal greatness. It is ambition or laziness, it is FEAR.

An easy way to combat fear is to do as the old saying goes - “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

Many believe this quote was written by First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt when in fact it was not, it was Mary Schmich.

Mary Schmich is a silent instrument that inspires people to take a leap, to face your fears and to just jump.

“DO ONE THING EVERY DAY THAT SCARES YOU”

-Mary Schmich-

That phrase alone evokes energy. Creates feelings. Challenges complacency. It is a corner stone to our internal power. Almost every reward that comes from life is scary at first. If we don’t take the leap and do that one thing that day that scared us, our reward will be wasted and gone. Opportunity is all around us. But taking the opportunity can be scary.

Mary Schmich’s column “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young” was published in the Chicago Tribune on June 1, 1997.

In the column’s introduction Schmich presents the essay as the commencement speech she would give if she were asked to give one. In the speech she insistently recommends the wearing of sunscreen, and dispenses other advice and warnings which are intended to help people live a happier life and avoid common frustrations. She later explained that the initial inspiration for what advice to offer came from seeing a young woman sunbathing, and hoping that she was wearing sunscreen, unlike what she herself did at that age. There are many take aways from such a simple song/newspaper column. However the hidden power to this is actually in the author. Mary Schmich was 43 at the time she wrote this column. Mary wrote this column, which is now known as “Wear Sunscreen” in just a short 4 hours. Mary didn’t hesitate for even one second. She just wrote and jumped.

The column caught the attention of Australian film director Baz Luhrmann and was mastered and released into a spoken song and it became known as “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”

In 1999 the start of our millennials were graduating. This song was played at most graduations and was played on nearly every radio station across the nation. Each millennial, x-gen, and baby boomer alive today had an exposure to this song. The impact of this song continues to linger and hold truth to each of us today. Here is a link to the song. Take a moment to stop and listen for a trigger of wellness to your soul.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJew4fxHl1U

By doing one thing everyday that scares you, you are training yourself to overcome your objections and climb your obstacles. We were born to feel the fear and do it anyway, we were born to do one thing everyday that scare us. As we took our first steps in this world we fell, we cried, we were scared, but we naturally continued to do it everyday until we were running. As children we lived feel the fear and do it anyway, why as adults do we hesitate? The answer is not the importance, change is.

Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You