vilesssserpent

[vilesssserpent]

“women hate it when you tell them to calm down” is technically correct but has the odd implication that men like it when you tell them to calm down

[vilesssserpent]

first one at the bay gar gets to fuck me

[vilesssserpent]

[vilesssserpent]

Shout out to that guy from Florida talking to my coworker about wanting to take his sail boat through Lake Superior in November. He was planning on a little trip and my coworker was like hey man I don't know how to tell you this but you will Actually Die

*Lake Superior, in the far distance*: yes yes yes yes yes do it yes yes

[vilesssserpent]

god actually baited us into creating the tower of babel so that He could create His most beloved children: autistic linguistics enthusiasts

[vilesssserpent]

It’s so infuriating that teen smoking rates were at an all time low in the US and we were on track to basically eradicate smoking and nicotine addiction in teens like it was flat out uncool to smoke and then They came out with nicotine injector flash drives that light up and taste like cotton candy. And have lead in them.

[vilesssserpent]

YOU know him as the human pet guy, I know him as the "modern militaries need medieval armor cuz they reflect bullets" guy. We are NOT the same.

[vilesssserpent]

Ace hardware store guy: "Anything I can help you find?"

Me: "I need caulk"

Ace hardware store guy: "Sorry, I'm not really into women, or anyone actually, so I can't help you with that. Tracy over in the pipes section can though"

Me: "What?"

[vilesssserpent]

you guys will reblog anything istg

this is an image with exactly 1x1 pixels. come on, reblog it. i fucking dare you.

[vilesssserpent]

I am incredibly amused by these random Japanese women for scale with prehistoric creatures

[vilesssserpent]

what’s the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?

[vilesssserpent]

[vilesssserpent]

🌟💫⭐️

[vilesssserpent]

now !

[vilesssserpent]

Despite the name, most hagfish cannot cast spells or brew magical decoctions in caldrons.

They can, however, produce copious quantities of slime, which in some ways is just as good.

[vilesssserpent]

on my knees begging pls 🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿

[vilesssserpent]

Can we make out under the People's bus stop, Comrade?