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“We live as we dream - alone. While the dream disappears, the life continues painfully.”

— Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

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ch. 2 - the woman interviews the singer (p. 36~37)

“the thing about loneliness is that, i don’t see it as something simple that will just disappear once it’s been appeased. you could say it’s like a shadow that walks with you for all your life. still, once in a while i feel the need for something to comfort me — but as the things i mentioned to you earlier are embracing me so fully*, i’m going through a healthy loneliness right now.”

at his self-assured response, the woman stopped typing and looked up to meet his eyes.

eyes that, without a trace of wavering, showed only conviction. she kept seeing the image of another man overlap with the one before her. could that have been the reason? she wanted to find out more about what loneliness meant to people like them.

“a healthy loneliness, you say. that’s an interesting way to put it.”

“is it? i think that sort of thing is necessary. a method of consoling yourself that only you can understand, and no one else. some days you feel lonely, some days you feel worn out, and some other days you might feel idiotic, or pathetic, even. though of course, there are also many days where you feel cheerful in between. the important thing is that since the remaining days of our lives stretch out so far that they seem to have no end, there needs to be something that can neutralize whatever emotion you might have. whether my day is a happy or sad one, i don’t filter any of them out. as my tumultuous emotions quietly subside, the graph of my condition for the day returns more or less to average, you see. i enjoy dramatic remedies, but the beginning and end would probably be better off as something neutral. for you, too — anything will do. it doesn’t have to be something complicated like mine. whatever the method, if you wrap up your day in a similar way each time, it will ease your mind.”

* “the things i mentioned to you earlier” is a reference to the things and people that comfort the singer, including his mother, sister, and pet dog.

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Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today, but eventually.

(via love-diaries)

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If you want to be happy, you have to be happy on purpose. When you wake up, you can’t just wait to see what kind of day you’ll have. You have to decide what kind of day you’ll have.

Joel Osteen (via themotivationjournals)

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How to be hoshi?🤣

hosh & josh being soft ✨

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to early emphasis: dear cloud’s nine has confirmed that she was asked by jonghyun to post his final note before passing to fans. she has also confirmed that she was given the blessing from his family to share it with the world. you can find confirmation of this here. below will be proper triggers for this post as it is not easy to read. i will also leave nine’s comment that she left on her post as it is important in regards to why she was asked to post it. if you feel that i have missed any please do not hesitation message me on my personal blog (jaekyung) and i will add them as quickly as i am able to. also thank you to sonexstella for translating. —- trigger warning(s): death tw, depression tw, suicide ideation tw, suicide tw nine: i said my final goodbye with jonghyunnie. even after seeing his smiling portrait of the deceased, it still feels like jonghyunnie will come to me and smile as if all of this was a dream. starting from awhile back, jonghyunnie told me his dark and deep internal stories. i think each day was very difficult for him. i kept having uneasy thoughts so i made it known to his family and tried my hardest to capture his heart but it only ended up postponing time and i could not block his last (action). i still cannot believe he is not in this world and it’s so painful. i’m still afraid, not knowing if it’s the right thing to upload these words but jonghyun himself asked me to please upload these words if he disappeared from this world. i wished this day would never come … after discussing with his family i am uploading his final note, according to his last wishes. i think that there must be a reason why he left this up to me. i worry that there will be controversy. however, i think that he predicted this and asked me, so i decided that i will do the one last thing i can do for jonghyunnie. i hope everyone knows now that jonghyun was not alone and that he worked hard … that he did really well … please thank him for withstanding well … beautiful jonghyun, i really love you a lot. going forward, i will love you a lot. in that place, please don’t be in pain and i hope you will be peaceful … —- i am broken from the inside. depression that slowly ate away at me ended up swallowing me. i couldn’t beat it. i hated myself. i held onto memories that have died out and, even though i shouted to snap out of it, there was no response. if suffocating breaths will not open up it’s better instead to stop. i asked who can take responsibility for myself. it’s you. i was completely alone. it’s easy to say you’ll end it. it’s hard to end it. i lived up to now admist that difficulty. you said i wanted to run away. that’s right. i wanted to run away. from myself. from you. i asked who was there. i said it was me. again, it was me. and once again, it was me. i asked why i kept losing memories. it’s my personality. i see. in the end, it’s all my fault. i hoped someone would notice, but no one knew. never met me, so of course, no one knew i was there. i asked why i was living. just. just. everyone just lives. if i asked why someone would die, you would say you’re exhausted. i suffered from concern. i never learned how to change tiresome pains into joy. pain is just pain. i urged myself not to be like that. why? why can’t i end it according to my own will? i tried to find out why i was in pain. i knew too well. i am in pain because of myself. it’s all because it’s my fault and because i’m foolish. teacher, did you want to hear these words? no. i did nothing wrong. when he blamed my personality with a quiet voice i thought it was so easy to be a doctor. it’s fascinating to see why i’m in this much pain. people who have more hardships than i do live well. people who are weaker than me live well. maybe that’s not it. of people who are alive, there is no one who has more hardships than i do, and who is weaker than i am. despite this, i was told to live. i asked why this is the case a hundred times, and it’s never for me. it’s for you. i wanted it to be for me. please don’t say things you don’t know. find out why it’s difficult. i told you many times why it’s difficult for me. with that, is it not possible for it to be this difficult? does there need to be more concrete drama? are you wanting more of a story? i already told you. did you not pay attention? what i can overcome doesn’t leave a scar. colliding with the world must not have been my fate. being known to the world must not have been my life. that’s why everything was difficult. colliding, and being known was difficult. why did i chose that. it’s a funny incident. it’s commendable that i was able to withstand up to this point. what more can i say? just tell me i worked hard. that i did a good job. that i went through a lot. even if you can’t smile, please don’t send me off in blame. you worked hard. you went through a lot. goodbye.

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Is there anyone out there, from our Blue Night family, that is crying alone tonight? Not crying out of pity for something or someone, but instead because they cannot help asking why they are living in the way that they are? Is there anyone that is feeling sentimental or guilty, needlessly? Don’t be like that. I hope that you believe that these bitter days of crying alone will prove to be the most beautiful days of your life. You’ll realize, with time, that your life is actually pretty alright. I promise you. In fact, I’ll write you a guarantee! The most beautiful thing in all the world is right now. This moment. You. Don’t ever forget that.

Jonghyun’s closing words on ‘Blue Night’ on the 11th March, 2014.  (via hwaitinghwaiting)

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Holy shit. These took way way way too long. You’d think they’d be easy but no, these were SUPER hard.

JJ and Victor, you’re on notice especially.

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Historic home in The Netherlands

Follow Gravity Home: Blog - Instagram - Pinterest - Facebook - Shop

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/ highlight reel /

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seungcheol + tumblr tags ♡ (happy birthday! ~ 950808) ♡

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‘What is depression like?’ he whispered ‘It’s like drowning. Except you can see everyone around you breathing.’

(via @sturzpoesie-blog)

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Yoo Yun Suk for Singles Magazine

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