i think they'll love you. god, wes can only dream! nothing would be better than mom and dad washington loving him as much as he loves their daughter. even spending a second to fantasize about it is thrilling; what it might be like becoming a part of charlotte's home. thanksgivings, and birthdays, and family vacations -- how life is supposed to be lived, together amongst people loved most rather than every waking moment being dedicated to ones career. he's spent most of the flight over overthinking how exactly to impress mom and dad ( when it really isn't necessary, isn't flying halfway across the country enough of a grand gesture for them to be over the moon about him? ), but with charlotte's comment and the overwhelming desire to treat her like a princess, it really shouldn't be that hard. he knows all he has to do is showcase his love -- that being said, he doesn't know how ready he is for a one-on-one conversation with either of her parents yet, which is why he's happily following closely behind charlotte as she has quickly entered host-mode and is grabbing things to set a space for wes at the table and do last minute preparations to dinner. she's buzzing around the kitchen like a bumblebee, and appliances are flowers she's pollenating, checking in on things and glancing back over at him as if to make sure he's really truly there. he wonders for a moment as she's offering him a glass of wine if this is just how charlotte always acts around the holidays, or if she's a little on edge because of his unplanned arrival. he wouldn't blame her if there were nerves, besides, he thinks it's kind of cute anyway.
"wine isn't too bad." wes lies, taking a sip from a glass he's poured himself. all of a sudden charlotte stops in her tracks and turns to face him, and wes is about to say something so cheesy like call me a christmas gift, because i'm so wrapped up in you right now -- but she insists on warming him up and suddenly wes is setting down his wine glass on the kitchen counter and being whisked away by charlotte, past her parents sitting cozily on the couch, around a corner towards what appears to be a bedroom. wes comes to a quick halt in the doorway, even though charlotte has sauntered inside and begun rummaging through a drawer. instinct is telling him that this bedroom belongs to her parents, and while wes knows that the washington's are nothing like the nichols, he can't help but think he's not allowed inside. wes has only entered his mothers room ( at home or hotels ) a total of twice in his life, and both occurrences resulted in rather unfortunate consequences that have left wes under the lifelong impression that a parents bedroom is strictly off limits. the way that charlotte is freely able to wander through their room however, is rather refreshing.
here wes is thinking he's acting all weird by not following in after her, standing all vampire-like in the doorway waiting for an invitation inside, when charlotte announces that she's worried that she's the one being weird, handing him her fathers sweater. "you're only being a lot if in this context a lot is synonymous with extremely adorable." wes promises, slipping his arms into the sweatshirt she's provided and pulling it over his head, tussling his hair a little bit in the process. "you think i don't get it?" he smiles, tugging her closer, up against his chest. "i just flew halfway across the country because i couldn't wait another minute to see you. by all means, cling to me, please." this is all wes has wanted for months -- he doesn't need to kiss her, he doesn't even need to speak, but to have her in a close embrace like this... it's the perfect christmas gift.
charlotte's mother calls from the other room, inviting everyone to join her at the dining table, and the two are forced to put their embrace on hold again for a while and indulge in a home cooked meal like nothing wes has ever experienced before. in the matter of minutes that the two were in the other room, charlotte's mother has made the tablecloth look like something out of a hallmark movie that wes' mom would think he's too good to go out for. there are side dishes galore, gravy for days and a gorgeous roasted chicken right in the center of the table, looking juicy and cooked to perfection with charlotte's overflowing love. "wow, this looks incredible." wes thinks out loud, sitting down in the seat charlotte has set for him. it's unfortunately across the table from her, but at least there's a view.
"thank you so much for having me." wes says as they're all settling in and piling up their plates with what looks to be the most delicious thing wes will have ever put in his mouth before. "especially on um, you know, no notice." he smiles nervously, grabbing a scoopful of mashed potatoes and dropping them onto his plate. "i don't think i've ever had dinner like this before, so... it's really special, and i'm very grateful." wes tells them earnestly, looking at either end of the table to express his gratitude with not only his words but also eye contact. "and again... making space for me with no notice at all, it's really kind... thank you." he looks back to charlotte, his smile growing wider the longer his eyes are set on her. "i just really needed to see charlotte, it's been a long time now and... she's really, really important to me."
"i believe the last time we spoke you were quoted saying ' my favorite person on set '." mrs. washington chimes in, fork in the air and pointed in his direction. wes chuckles, nodding his head in agreement. "maybe i should've said favorite person on any set, ever, because that's how much i mean it." pouring a generous helping of gravy over basically the entire plate, wes notices his hand shaking a little bit as he attempts to muster up the courage to express in a more detailed way how much he loves their daughter without directly saying the words i fucking love your daughter. "really though, she um... she's makes that place bearable a lot of the time. and you know, i don't have to tell you this," he sets the gravy dish down, suddenly feeling like maybe he's rambling. "she's so talented that scenes together -- they're like three takes max. she's professional, brilliant, makes everybody laugh... yeah... yeah, she's pretty much perfect."
Ā Ā Ā it feels almost impossible not to cry, lottie's pretty sure she's embarrassingly teetering over the edge in the most embarrassing fashion as she looks back at him. it can't really be helped, not after all the time apart, not after the last time they saw each other. she doesn't want to be cliche and exclaim that it's a christmas miracle, but if the shoe fits... the sight of wes on her favourite holiday is the best gift she's ever received.
Ā Ā Ā he couldn't wait to see her. he pulled strings. this is the wes that makes her stomach somersault and her heart thump wildly in her ribcage, declarations of love fighting against the logical part of her brain to be let out. thankfully, his hands are on her cheeks and pulling her in, effectively shutting off the chance. she can pour it into her kiss, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck as she brushes her nose against his, tilting her head to deepen it a little bit. when they pull back, she's still too eager, pressing a quick peck to his cheek before he speaks as bright, excited eyes trace his expression, as if she's making sure he's real. charlotte grins at his words, head tipping to one side. "mm, i think i might have an idea." she laughs and there's some freedom to it, the loneliness she'd been contemplating on melting away. it still doesn't quite feel real, having wes there in her childhood home. it's not quite like having him in the townhouse, though those moments were just as special. this place is more real, more home than anywhere else she's kissed wes. it feels like it's sealing something, a stamp of authenticity on their romance which has been so up and down. lottie eases back a little bit, jokingly posing in her dorky christmas pyjamas as he admires them. "what? embarrassingly festive?" she jokes, but considering all the things he's told her, she's a little sadder at the idea that wes hasn't at least had some sort of lavish, warm christmas his entire life. it seems cold is more what he's used to.
Ā Ā he's inspecting her nails one second, where she's tried to draw little bows like she saw on a tiktok nail art video with slightly less success. it doesn't matter anyway, since she'll clean them off before she goes back to film. lottie's pretty sure that no matter how far her career takes her, she'll remain forever invested in giving in to whatever embarrassingly earnest traditions her family has instilled in her. that includes going overboard for the holidays in the most wholesome ways possible. "mm?" she prompts him quietly, her fingers curving over his so that she can gently rub the back of his larger hand with her thumb again. she caresses gently, her breathing stilling for a second as he mentions her parents. she doesn't respond at first, because if wes is about to ask her to not tell her parents anything when he's just showed up unannounced at her house for christmas, he might be asking too much this time. what he does say instead surprises her and it shows in the way her brows lift for a moment and she blinks, lips parting as she looks away. the smile on her lips is telling, even if she's trying to play coy right now. "yeah, i mean, i haven't told them everything, but they're definitely not stupid. i think they have an idea. i'd love to be able to tell them, at least the simple version, that there's... something between us."
Ā Ā Ā using the word simple when talking about their relationship is kind of laughable, but charlotte isn't interested in overcomplicating the conversation. she meets hie eyes with a confidence she feels like she hasn't had in a while. the mention of autumn prompts an eyeroll, though she knows it's a necessary thing to mention. "i think they'll understand it. and they know how to keep their mouths shut, it won't be some like, sharing gossip at the nail salon thing. they aren't like that. not that you seem worried." it's a point for him, that's why she points it out. lottie squeezes his hand back and then beams at him, one of her biggest smiles yet. to hear him so vulnerable, the intimidating, talented wes nichols timidly asking if her parents will like him. it's kind of funny. early days of little boxes charlotte would be very, very confused. "i think they'll love you." her free hand lifts, cupping his cheek so she can offer him a peck. "who wouldn't?" she teases.
Ā Ā Ā "i better set this place for you at the table, though. we're eating soon, then we watch cheesy christmas movies... and then we do one gift at midnight." immediately lottie recalled something, trying to keep her face entirely neutral as she slips from his grasp. immediately she's heading over to the cupboard to get him one of their fancy christmas plates, cutlery and a glass to make his spot at the table. there's a spare gold placemat since they always come in sets of four anyway, so she's thankful for that as she sets them down on the table. it doesn't take long, though she decides to hover back towards wes. "i'll check the food!" she drags him back to the kitchen, practically making him follow her around like a lost puppy. at this point, being apart for more than a minute feels like torture. "do you want some of this wine? it kind of sucks, but we might need the help finishing it?" she asks, indicating to the bottle before she goes to lean down in front of the oven, noticing that the roasted chicken and vegetables look perfect and ready to come out. "five minutes, i think! we'll set up!"
Ā Ā Ā she drifts back to him, taking a small sip of her wine and making a face before her attention shifts entirely. "i still think you need something warmer." lottie decides, tightening her grip on his hand as she leads him back out, past the back of the couch towards her parents room. once inside she drops his hand and begins to search for a grey sweatshirt she likes stealing that's far too big for her anyway. as she secures it and marches it over to him, she pauses, realising that she's kind of focusing on everything but him because she's not quite sure what to do with herself. "is this weird? am i being a lot?" she asks, eyes widening. they have to go back out and put all the food out on the table, but she supposes needing a second to come to terms with his sudden presence is fair enough. "i've just... i've missed you a lot. like an unbearable amount and i feel like if i stop it's just going to be a lot of tears and clinging to you like, way more than i am right now." / @violetleaves
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just wrote for the first time in like. six months. feeling : PROLIFIC
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Ā Ā despite sloaneās relatively tame dare, casper takes it rather seriously and she finds herself relatively impressed by the effort he seems to pour into this unscheduled performance that neither of them bought tickets to. sheās doubling over herself giving him applause, still laughing and then shifting uncomfortably as the reminder of the swiftly melting ice cubes in her bralette makes her squirm. of course, the distraction from the wet spots growing on her tank top happens to be flynn going through the works trying to light a cigarette with his feet, apparently due to his best friendās foot fetish. she watches both in surprise and slight concern, zoning out halfway through because unlike cas, she doesnāt have any interest in staring at the toes of the man sheās seeingā¦ even if itās a little impressive that heās managed it.
Ā Ā all of a sudden the attention is back on her and she feels her cheeks warm just a little, mostly because the ice cubes have since melted, leaving her nipples poking through the fabric of her top. āmm?ā her gaze flickers to cas and on instinct, she reaches to snatch the lighter, flicking it for him with the briefest of eye contact as she bravely (see: foolishly) selects dare. deft fingers reach for the box of cigarettes as she rolls her eyes, removing one and lighting it for herself. sloane hasnāt smoked in a while and only ever does it when sheās got some alcohol in her, but something about being the odd one out pushes her to do it. she brings it to her lips, considering her dare for a moment. āwell, iām gonna take this whole situation,ā she motions towards her chest with her hand. āto mean that youāve got a whole lactation kink going.ā rising up out of her seat, she makes some distance between them as she selects āher most tantalising fetishā from the reel of not so. āi donāt think this is going to be as thrilling as you think.ā she sighs, taking a puff from her cigarette before she promptly shuts her mouth.
Ā Ā Ā holding up her index finger, she indicates one word. then she stalls for a second, the alcohol not quite pushing her over the hurdle of acting this out in front of two alcohol filled gang members who just so happen to maybe still be her favourite customers. even if casper owes her a hundred apologies. her free hand slides up her middle, moving slowly as she draws it out unnecessarily, a wry smile on her lips as her hand wraps around her neck. a soft gasp leaves her, the theatrics coming out as she struggles not to laugh at herself, squeezing just a little as she tips her head back and mimics a noise of approval. āor, is that not tantalising enough?ā her brows raise and she turns to her side, using the wall for support as she leans against it, arching her back. she places the cigarette in her mouth and brings her hand back against her own ass cheek, giggling as she stands up again. āi better get an applause, even if mine arenāt as weird as casperās.āĀ
Ā Ā Ā returning to her seat, this time a little flustered by hiding it well, she narrows her eyes and then steadies her gaze onto flynn.Ā āyour turn again: truth or dare?ā at this point, theyāve been barrelling down a road of dare after dare and apparently flynn doesnāt want to stop the momentum. sloane narrows her eyes, trying to think of something that might entertain her after she just gave them a very clear insight into what she likes in the bedroom. maybe part of it is the fact that sheās getting a little too comfortable, but the dare comes out of her mouth before she can think. āi dare you toā¦ kiss cas. with tongue.ā she doesnāt know if she expects him to do it or drink, though sheās noticed the two of them are closer than most best friends.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā if casper wasnāt sure if sloane was okay with him after all this time, he sure is now as she reaches across the table to help him light his cigarette. he doesnāt show the excitement, the absolute joy rushing through him at such a simple act -- he doesnāt even say thank you, but his ego is soaring. he doesnāt have too much time to focus on they way heās working his way into sloaneās heart though, because sheās holding up a finger and wilder is calling out one word, and casper is watching closely, not just because he finds this to be undeniably hot, but because he has to be the one to answer first.Ā āchoking!ā and he is, shouting it out as soon as her hand begins to graze her collarbones. flynn rolls his eyes, but is quick enough to get the second one before sloaneās even brought her hand down on her ass yet.Ā āspanking!ā he says cheerfully, and as requested, the two boys give her an ample amount of applause for her valiant effort.Ā
itās flynnās turn again, and casper isnāt surprised that theyāre bouncing these truth or dares between the two of them, but he is pleasantly caught off guard when he learns that the dare his best friend has been given has to do with him. not so excluded this time, he thinks with an arrogant smile.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āyou fuckinā better kiss me with tongue.ā casper demands, his tone shifting from playful seriousness into one that oozes authority -- and while this isnāt the first time flynn has heard cas use it with him before, he blinks, all of the alcohol heās had tonight rushing to his head and heās suddenly nostalgic for nights heās spent pinned beneath casperās grasp. his eyes dart to sloane for just a moment before casperās lips are right in front of his, and heās wearing the devious smirk he always sports before heās about to make a move that often makes flynn like his heartās in a chokehold.Ā
casperās goal is to make this as captivating as possible, give sloane a performance equally as entertaining as the little solo show sheās just given them -- so as his lips meet wilderās heās slow, and intentional with his tongue, not just a sloppy, rushed makeout to get through this dare. casper needs this kiss to be so hot that sloane wishes she could be the one on the receiving end. he raises his hands, one hand cradling the cheek of his best friend and the other gripping onto his almost too greasy black mop of hair. heās not exactly paying attention to the way wilder has basically gone limp, turning to jelly under the power of casperās mouth, not when cas has to impress. the chase is on, and while it might be all in his head, sloaneās giving him signals... tonight might be the night. the one where everything changes -- the one where heās not excluded anymore. all he has to do is seal the deal with her and everything will go back to the way it used to be... plus with sloane in the picture, a little bit better.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā ābeen a while since we last did that, eh wilder?ā casper says as he pulls back, and he glances over at sloane to gauge her excitement over what sheās just witnessed, but thereās a gloss of confusion across her face beneath what he assumes is attraction.Ā āwhat -- youāre telling me youāve never told sloane about how much you love kissing me, wilder?ā casper teases, brushing his thumb across wilderās lip and leaving it to rest on his chin, keeping him close. heās looking a wide eyed, speechless wilder deep in the eyes before his gaze flickers back over to sloane, watching them.Ā Ā āi mean, uh...ā flynn stammers, unable to stop looking at casperās lips, inches away from him.Ā āwe donāt really... talk about you?ā a comment like this might set cas off, might make him jealous, or inspire him to whine about fomo, but instead he laughs it off and moves his hand from flynnās face and leaves it around his throat.Ā āahh, well sloaney, youāre missing out on some good stories. the kind where youād learn that you and wilder have a lot more in common than you think.ā he tightens his grip slightly, flynn whimpering in his grasp before heās pushed back in his seat and released from casperās clutches.
brain still buzzing, flynn is trying his best not to appear so clearly vulnerable, even though it feels like casper has just laid every card flynn has been neglecting to show sloane right out on the table. she already knows that heās bi, thank god, but he wasnāt sure when -- if ever, he planned on telling her oh yeah, sometimes cas tops the fuck out of me, no biggie, like casper is so casually spilling right now. but flynn doesnāt have the time to ruminate on this, not when theyāre still playing a game and itās his fucking turn. āso, wilder, you gonna dare sloaney to kiss me now, or what?ā cas asks, wearing a cheshire smile as he looks directly at sloane across the table, wondering if perhaps sheās thinking the same thing.Ā āācause i canāt imagine after watchinā that little show we just put on that she isnāt fiending to find out what itās like.ā caught in between the haze of a kiss with his best friend and the knowledge that sloane still isnāt the biggest fan of casper, flynn is momentarily perplexed, his eyes darting between the two of them before landing on sloane.Ā āummm,ā he starts, lazily raising his hand from his lap and pointing at her beside him,Ā āiām going to take a wild guess that youād like to pick truth?āĀ
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Ā Ā Ā the very idea of not being home for christmas after the year sheās had makes charlotte want to cry. she canāt imagine spending her holidays without the smell of her motherās snickerdoodles and her fatherās jokes that are always a hair too stupid to be funnyā¦ and yet somehow funny regardless. she likes los angeles, but thereās a loneliness sheās encountered there, one that sits in such stark contrast to the homey, warmth of her childhood home. sheās grown up lucky and she knows it, which is why sheās relieved to be on break from filming her movie. sheās spent her first couple of days at home playing her old keyboard and looking through her old songwriting books and though her parents refuse to throw any of her old things out on their own, she does the work for them in getting rid of old school books and sorting through her bookshelf and wardrobe to make a box labelled donations. a trip home has swiftly become days filled with intent to rejuvenate herselfā¦ and maybe pause on being so miserable every time she thinks about how much she misses wes.
Ā Ā Ā christmas eve has been spent baking and cooking and wrapping presents for the extended family that theyāll see for a late lunch the next day. now that sheās twenty-one, she and her mother have been sharing an expensive bottle of red wine that they donāt like all that much and joking about how next time theyāll just buy the boxed stuff. she feels more adult than she ever has, with her money and her job and her show that her dad keeps putting on when sheās not looking, just to see how long he can get away with it. she plans to text wes before bed, maybe see if they can have a call because she misses the sound of his voice, but sheās trying so hard to not think of him.
Ā Ā Ā of course, that backfires on her, because it means sheās wholly unprepared when she hears someone at the door. and when her father calls her over and makes a weird pun she doesnāt quite register.
Ā Ā Ā the sight of wes nichols on the front porch of her childhood home, poorly dressed for the weather is just about the last thing she expects on christmas eve. āwes.ā she says his name softly, coating it in surprise as she blinks and smiles uncertainly. it doesnāt make sense, how heās made his way here, but she chooses not to question it, instead flinging her arms around him despite the shock still rippling through her. āoh my god!ā she exclaims finally, as she buries her face in his neck. āi wish i wasnāt wearing these stupid pyjamas!ā she giggles, shutting her eyes for a moment before she forces herself to pull back. āyouāre freezing, come on. we have a fire i can sit you down in front of.ā she ushers him in, standing back and taking the door in her hand so she can shut it behind him. itās only then she notices her parents joined in the hip, looking at them both in amusement.
Ā Ā ācan wes stay for dinner?ā and maybe forever? sheās tempted to never let him leave and go all kathy bates in misery right about now. āof course, honey. long as you set another place at the table.ā her mother eyes her carefully, indicating she plans to chat to her about this later. for now, all charlotte cares about is the fact that wes is here, standing in the open plan living room and dining area of her parentsā house. nodding, they pretend to be interested in whatever christmas movie is playing on the television while lottie leads wes towards the kitchen. āare you still cold? i could get you a sweater or something? you probably wouldnāt fit into any of mine, but you could borrow one of my dadās, i guessā¦ iā¦ā she loses her breath as she turns to look at him, finding that her cheeks have warmed and she almost feels awkward. she doesnāt know what to do with herself, her confidence needing time to build back up. charlotte hasnāt seen him since their last night together, since he kissed her fucking breathless and things finally seemed to smooth out for them.
Ā Ā Ā her brows knit together as she watches him, holding his hand tightly in her hand as she looks down at it. her thumb is gentle, running over the skin of his hand in small, nervous but soothing motions. āhow did you get here? i meanā¦ i didnāt think i was seeing you for anotherā¦ā she shakes her head. āi canāt even do the math.ā she laughs and blinks and her tendencies towards emotions taking over fight their way to the surface and of course sheās bleary eyed. ākiss me so i know iām not having an elaborate hallucination?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā the look on her face, combined with the delicious way she always says his name is worth all the effort heās put into this. cherishing her expression doesnāt last long though, because in a second her arms are around his shoulders and suddenly itās like heās no longer freezing. charlotteās embrace is instant warmth, spreading across his whole body, and he hugs her back tighter than he ever has before.Ā āwhatāre you talking about,ā wes laughs, kissing the top of her head.Ā āyou and your dad look awesome. kinda wishing iād given a heads up to secure myself a set too.ā he doesnāt want her to let go, but they have the opportunity to be close all night now, and as she tugs him into the home wes is tempted to let his eyes wander and soak up charlotteās childhood, but for now all he can do is stare at the beautiful woman heās been reunited with. she looks so excited, and he wonders if she was wearing that look of joy before heād shown up -- it is chrstmas after all, but heās selfishly going to take all of the credit.
as charlotte asks her mother if he can stay for dinner, he finally takes a moment to glance around a home that feels ten times more lived in than his own. that smidge of jealousy he once felt when meeting charlotteās parents for the first time is starting to creep back in, but how can he be jealous when heās about to be included in their christmas? he follows her into the kitchen, reaching for her waist to pull her in closer now that the eyes of her parents are no longer on them.Ā āno, no, no. donāt get me anything.ā wes insists, not wanting her to go anywhere. heās unable to stop smiling and she turns around in his grasp, wes sighs, so incredibly thankful that heās managed to pull this off so far and he hasnāt even been here five minutes yet.Ā āi pulled some strings. i couldnāt wait the full six months, and i knew you werenāt filming right now so...ā thereās a look in her eyes that wes hasnāt seen before: happy tears are brimming, and theyāre incredibly contagious. heās grateful that sheās asking for a kiss, because if she keeps looking at him like that for another second heās pretty sure there are going to be waterworks for the both of them.Ā
how on earth could wes have ever thought he could survive the entire six months without the feeling of her lips pressed against his? he grips her face in his hands, his fingertips still chilled from the outside heating up almost immediately against her warm rosy cheeks. wes doesnāt need the fireplace, or one of her fatherās sweaters -- all he needs is her heart to warm his, and his body temperature is right back to normal and steadily rising. wes does not want this kiss to end, but at the same time, he doesnāt really want to run the risk of one of charlotteās parents walking in on them, so when the moment feels right, he slowly pulls back, that big smile still spread across his mouth.Ā āiām so happy iām here right now, you have no idea.ā not just because heās back in charlotteās presence again. the alternative is christmas alone in his bedroom. thereās no familial party to attend, as wes doesnāt know any of his extended family. itās always just been wes and his mother, and until charlotte entered the picture, thatās all he thought it would ever be.Ā ādonāt think iāve ever really done christmas the right way... at least, not like this.ā he drops a hand from her cheek to tug on the collar of her pajama set, and it slowly travels further down to take her hand in his. he stares at it for a second, still smiling as he admires the festive nail polish sheās adorning.Ā āso, um...ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āi donāt know if youāve told your parents anything...ā he doesnāt think so, but he definitely wont be upset if she has.Ā ābut they should know. if you want them to know.ā wes thinks if he explains the importance of keeping this on the down low, perhaps theyāll be understanding and maybe even welcoming of him into the family. family... heās already imagining it like theyāre a real couple -- like thereās a serious future awaiting the two of them. he hopes so, at least. āplus, i mean... i just kinda showed up here. iām sure theyāre in the other room assuming things as we speak.āĀ
his free hand throws a thumb over his shoulder and he makes an effort to look her in the eyes again, wanting her to know that he means it. that heās not trying to hide them from everyone anymore, that heās making that effort he promised he would in the steps towards the two of them actually having a future together.Ā āi know autumnās still in the picture, and thatās probably going to make things confusing... but i want them to know how much i care about you.ā he squeezes her hand, nodding his head seriously.Ā ādo you think theyāll uh... like me?ā
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season one break: day 86... christmas eve -- aka, the christmas special
location: charlotteās childhood home
time: 7:20pm
for: @thursdaygrlā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā the probability of this not completely blowing up in wesā face is not in his favor. there are so many different aspects of this that could go wrong --Ā whether it be his mother finding out his true intentions, or charlotte not being happy to see him, or something like a cruel act of god shooting a bolt of lightning at his private jet, itās highly unlikely that he will make it out of this weekend getaway without something going horribly wrong. how, exactly did wes manage to get himself on a solo flight to charlotteās hometown to party crash christmas at her parents? itās partially due to the perks of having a jewish pilot fly his private jet, and the other part is all wes and his masterful scheming. if he thought he was good getting that photoshoot set up, now that heās forty thousand feet in the air he thinks he just might be a connoisseur.Ā
however it was not easy tricking his mother into thinking that wes has an audition in the midwest on christmas day, but his determination to see charlotte made it all worth it. he spent most of the day researching casting calls that would be filming in denever, and with luck on his side heād managed to stumble across one having open call auditions just thirty minutes outside of charlotteās hometown. he made a few fake emails, pretending to be the director inviting him to attend, and shot them off to his mother who he knew was going to be preoccupied the entirety of the following day and would not be able to join him on this trip.Ā āiāve set up an audition for you tomorrow.ā sheād said, not even looking up from her phone as she sent back an email confirming wes would be in attendance.Ā āyouāll be taking the jet tonight and will be back home tomorrow by the end of the night. you have an appearance on kimmel on the 26th so we need to squeeze this in as quickly as possible.āĀ
one night is all he needs. just one night with charlotte in between this six month break will at least sooth the voices in his head that beg him to get closer to charlotte every single day.Ā
immediately as wes steps off the plane he realizes he didnāt even think to check the weather. this christmas in california happens to be a particularly warm one, and while wes is wearing a cushy green sweater... thatās it, and the only thing heās brought with him on this spontaneous adventure is charlotteās christmas gift. no overnight bag with extra clothes, or even a jacket in case he gets chilly. itās not snowing right now, but it seems like the sky could open up any second, and as wes scurries across the tarmac to the car heād ordered heās starting to wish heād maybe prepared a little bit more.Ā
itās a lot warmer in the sleek town car thatās escorting him to charlotteās childhood home. another showcase of wesā excellent scheming skills is in his procuring of this address. he was only able to get it a few hours ago, once heād decided that he had to go through with this crazy plan, through jack. a simple, hey, merry christmas! text along with the lie that he wanted to have christmas cookies last minute delivered to charlotteās house was enough to get jack to send it on over immediately.Ā
but wes has not ordered christmas cookies. heās brought himself instead. and now that his driver has dropped him off, heās standing outside of charlotteās childhood home, shivering his ass off.Ā he waits a beat -- nervous for a second like maybe he wants to turn around and throw this crazy plan out the window but heās come so far, done so much scheming that he canāt turn back now. taking in a deep breath, wes lifts his hand and musters up the confidence that he only ever feels while acting and finally knocks on the door. thereās voices on the other side, chattering about who could be at the door unexpectedly on christmas eve, and while wes hopes that it will be charlotte who is the one to greet him, instead itās the head of charlotteās father, poking out and smiling before he opens up the door a little bit further. the man is dressed in brightly colored christmas pajamas, green and red plaid from the cap on his head to the slippers on his feet. he recognizes wes, not just from the show he and charlotte star in together, but from their one brief interaction a few days before his daughters birthday. he doesnāt loudly announce wesā presence at the door, which wes is grateful for, but instead he smiles, and nods.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ālottie, honey, i think itās for you.ā mr. washington calls over his shoulder,Ā ālooks like youāve got a present from old saint nichols.ā the joke doesnāt exactly land, but it still makes him laugh, albeit anxious laughter. charlotteās father disappears, leaving the door cracked open, but he doesnāt exactly invite wes inside. thatās charlotteās job, if she wants him here, that is. she approaches, looking angelic as ever dressed in the same plaid pajamas as her father, and his heart skips a beat. he canāt believe heās seeing her right now. itās been almost three months, and he still feels the same: hopelessly, hopelessly in love with her.Ā āhey, uhhh...ā he starts, shifting his weight between his feet as he looks down at the snowy pavement. heās shivering his ass off, unprepared for the cold weather.Ā āi know this is probably really weird... but any chance you have room for one more at dinner?ā
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season one break:day ?? aka wesā 23rd birthday
location: wesā house
time: 4:56pm
inspired by: never ask by shayhanĀ
for: @thursdaygrlĀ
wish it was temporary ( canāt contain whatās said )
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā wish it was easy ( canāt contain --Ā obey )
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā is there a possible way? ( got to be a way )Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā to leave your feelings ( thereās got to be a way )
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā wes is by no means a birthday hater, but heās never exactly looked forward to his own. if he isnāt busy filming on the big day, his mother would have something big planned. something publicized, to boast their wealth and status. these events are never actually catered to celebrate wesā birthday; theyāve never been full of his friends or cast mates ( not like heās ever had any friends or cast mates heās gotten along with to come anywayĀ )Ā -- in fact most of the time theyāre filled with people twice his age with names he doesnāt know or care to, just like tonight. there are nearly a hundred people, not including the staff, filling the nichols home for the first time in practically a year and wes can name all of the people he knows here on one hand.
autumn, of course, thereās no way she would miss the twenty third birthday of her herĀ ā boyfriend.Ā ā his mother, obviously, because itās her party after all -- wes honestly isnāt sure if most of the guests are even aware that this is actually his birthday party. and emilia, a wildcard guest who wasnāt exactly picked by wes to attend, but heās glad sheās here nonetheless. his gaze has landed on emilia pretty much anytime heās looked up from his phone when heās not playing brickbreaker, which he happens to be doing right now, sitting all lonely-like on a bench beneath the staircase, nearly out of sight from most party guests. emilia has spotted him though, and despite the fact that heās made himself appear unapproachable, she still decides to saunter up to him and lean against the staircase, blocking view of him completely from anyone else who might be passing by.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āfigured i should come say happy birthday.ā emilia says, inspiring wes to look up from his phone and see an awkward smile on her face as she stirs her drink with the little red bar straw.Ā āyou donāt uh, really seem like youāre having that good of a time? isnāt it your party?ā an eyebrow raises and she laughs a little.Ā āi mean, cry if you want to, by all means, but like whatās your deal?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āi mean, emilia, come on. when have you ever seen me look excited to be somewhere?ā he counters playfully, which causes emilia to roll her eyes and take a seat beside him. pushing on his arm a little, she continues to press:Ā āokay, fair. but like, for real: i feel like i havenāt even seen you bring out the fake charm like once tonight. what gives?ā he tilts his head towards her, wearing a skeptical look, unsure if he wants to explain himself. but emilia is trustworthy -- sheās always been trustworthy. sheās had months of opportunities to spill about himself and charlotte, about the autumn ordeal, and sheās kept it to herself. sheās getting a little tired of waiting, clicking her tongue and adding:Ā ālook, i know iām not lottie, the only person you like to open up to apparently, but iām the closest thing youāve got, so... whatās. up.ā
wes hides a laugh and shakes his head, giving in and telling her what she wants to hear. āitās a combination of the fact that i donāt know anyone here and that this is not exactly my dream choice for a birthday celebration.āĀ
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āyeah right, you totally know people here.ā emilia argues, looking over her shoulder and glancing around the party to see if even she can name drop a few faces.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ānah, just you. and...ā he sighs, pointing across the room at autumn, who is currently leaning against his grand piano, swinging her drink around carelessly and nearly spilling its contents onto the shiny black surface.Ā āautumn, obviously. and i mean, youāre only here because of autumn, really.ā wes elaborates,Ā āmy mom said i could invite one person, and autumn said it could be you, so...ā he looks back at emilia, biting his lip as he realizes that may have come off as a little rude.Ā ānot that i donāt want you here,ā he rushes to add,Ā āiām actually really glad you are.āĀ
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āiām sure youād much rather have lottie here.ā emilia smirks, but she notices the look on wesā face and the way he opens his mouth to give her more than one reason why she couldnāt be.Ā āi know, i know, autumn would never let it happen. sheās not the biggest charlotte washington fan iāve noticed... iām guessing it has to do with... you?ā her head cocks to the side and an eyebrow raises inquisitively.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āshe thinks thereās something going on between us.ā wes says quietly.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āuh, yeah, probably because there is!ā emilia laughs, but wes waves his hand seriously to stop her.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āwe really, really, cannot be talking about this here.ā he mumbles, aware that absolutely anyone could be listening to them right now. heās picked a secluded spot, but that doesnāt stop the people who want to hear gossip from finding a way to listen. emilia drops it, and the two sit quietly for a second before wes decides to change the topic entirely.Ā āgod, any minute now my mom is gonna call me over and insist i play chopin or grimuad to show off to her guests and iām gonna wanna pull my fucking hair out.ā wes complains, leaning forward and resting his face in his palms. emilia looks around for a second, almost embarrassed for wes and his little pity party.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āokay, so... letās ditch before she has a chance?ā emilia suggests, but wes just groans in his hands and shakes his head.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āditch where, i canāt leave the party.ā he moans -- but then it hits him, and he springs back up again, jumping to his feet and holding his hand out to emilia.Ā āactually, wait, you wanna see something cool?āĀ
hesitating at first, emilia leaves her hand hovering above wesā for a second as she eyes him suspiciously,Ā ādefine cool?ā but she does give in, and wes drags her through the party to the back of his home, towards the elevator.Ā ājesus christ, you have an elevator?ā emilia scoffs, incredulously staring at him for a second before reaching out to push the button, but wes grabs her wrist.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āyeah, but weāre not taking it. someone might notice the doors open and follow us down.ā wes leads her down the stairwell into the basement, down to the recording studio that is now a hub of memories of charlotte.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āoh my god, as if i couldnāt get any more impressed. this house has a goddamn recording studio?ā emilia is looking around like sheās about to pull something down off the wall and play it, but wes is beckoning her over to one of the swivel chairs and holding out a pair of headphones.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ālisten...ā wes lowers his voice to a whisper, even though thereās zero chance of anyone hearing them down here. even the sound of the party above them has been quieted by the sound proofed walls.Ā ācharlotteās agent might kill me for letting you listen to this, but...ā as soon as emilia slips the headphones onto her head wes is enthusiastically tapping the spacebar to allow the song that he and charlotte have createdĀ
this is probably the thousandth time wes has listened to it. other than charlotte and her agent, heās the only person that has access to it at the moment and heās almost reveling in the fact that right now, itās just theirs. but he doesnāt mind sharing it with emilia, and heās sure charlotte would approve of her ears getting a taste of the song theyāve put together. he relaxes in the chair, eyes closing as he takes in every note of the song. charlotteās voice fills the two sets of headphones and wes doesnāt even bother to look to see what the look on emiliaās face is like. heās too deep in his head, reliving the sweetest moments of the day when theyād recorded this song. he can see everything so clearly, the look of joy charlotte showed when theyād finished the song, the passion in her eyes as she sang into the microphone ... her sitting on his lap at his keyboard. all of it. itās why heās listened so many times -- itās the quickest way to relive every second of that day.
when the song ends, the two of them remove their headphones and wes eagerly waits to hear what she thinks of the song... however the words that come out of her mouth are not words of encouragement about the track, in fact the question she asks comes entirely out of left field:
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āso like...ā emilia spins around in her chair, raising an eyebrow as wes meets her gaze.Ā āhow in love with lottie are you, exactly?āĀ
his face must be as red as a tomato, and heās frozen in shock wishing he were looking anywhere other than emilia but heās stuck staring at her like a deer in headlights, not even sort of expecting those words to be coming out of her mouth.Ā āiām sorry... wh-what?ā he finally stammers after ten seconds too long of trying to figure out if sheās really just asked him that.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ācome on, wes! she wrote a song about how you basically broke her heart and your response was: let me produce and mix it for you.ā she rolls her eyes, spinning around in the chair once again. āand if you think i didnāt see the look on your face just now when we were listening, youāre sadly mistaken. i know the eyes of a lovesick puppy when i see them.ā emilia accuses, and while her tone is playful and friendly, and wes knows that all emilia has ever been is trustworthy, wes feels absolutely mortified. he shrinks in his chair, leaning back and trying to spin away slowly but emilia places her hand on the arm to stop him, forcing him to turn back and look at least in her direction.Ā āi know you think everyone is out to get you or whatever, but iām not everyone. i love lottie, and i care about you too. not just because of her, because weāre friends.ā she must notice the look of skepticism on his face, because emilia smirks, rolling her eyes.Ā āi know i can be hard on you sometimes but itās only when you deserve it. and even after all of the times iāve seen you be a dick to lottie iām still rooting for you guys so...ā sighing, she releases the chair from her grasp and leans back in her own.Ā āi just want you to know iām here for you, if you wanna gush about her. because i get it, sheās fucking incredible. and what you tell me is in confidence because i am your friend, wes nichols. i may be autumnās choice as your only guest tonight but i think you wouldāve picked me anyway.āĀ
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āspeaking of her we should get back up there before she thinks something is going on between us too.ā wes grumbles, pointing at the ceiling in disappointment. itās a way out of answering the question, which emilia recognizes and doesnāt push him any further to answer. wes isnāt about to tell emilia how in love he is with her best friend, not because he isn't ( he absolutely fucking is ), but he wants the first person to know to be the girl in question. iāve never loved anything more than i love charlotte, is what he would tell emilia, but heād rather say: iāve never loved anything more than i love youĀ first much, much more.Ā
they return back up to the party, and thankfully no one has noticed their disappearance for the most part, other than his mother, who grabs his arm the first chance she gets and says:Ā āiāve been looking for you everywhere, weston!ā she squeezes him tightly, as if to scold him for not being more accessible, but she grins wide as there are people watching, and begins to escort him over towards the grand piano that wes is surprised isnāt covered in autumnās cocktail.Ā āeveryone has been dying to hear you play grimaud.ā his eyes flicker to emilia, not too far off, and she flashes him a sympathetic look, well aware that this is exactly what he was trying to avoid happening.Ā
but wes must play. he must entertain. itās all heās ever done, and maybe all heāll ever get to do.Ā
another birthday goes down the drain, and as wes performs for the crowd of strangers, he wonders if heās a step closer to the freedom heās been craving for years now. if twenty-three will finally be the year he breaks the chains that lock him to the woman who forces him entertain -- to constantly and willingly obey.Ā
with charlotte as his motivator, he think it may very well be.
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Ā Ā whatever romantic experiences that charlotte has had prior to wes, they truly do pale in comparison. merely his ability to read her alone, his hand taking hers to try and ease the thrum of anxiety in her, a gentle motion soothing and easing the thoughts racing in her mind, about whether her experiences taint her somehow. sheās sure heās not expecting some blushing virgin, but if sheās completely honest, she doesnāt think she has a true handle on what good sex is supposed to be like. she has an inkling, an idea made up of stories from friends and smutty books or fanfiction consumed in youth, but depictions of intimacy donāt quite match up to the real thing, at least not as far as she can tell. she can see them in words, hear their moments in songs, but the feelings arenāt quite so easy to put into words. lottie might spend a long, long time trying, thoughļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ and sheās just fine with that. kissing him still makes her feel dizzy and she wonders if thatāll ever fade, that heady excitement she feels every time their lips connect.
Ā Ā as wesā arms tighten around her, she smiles wistfully, leaning in to kiss his cheek sweetly, though she hasnāt quite wrapped her head around the fact that theyāve reached this place together again only for her to have to leave for so damn long. āi donāt like thinking about it either.ā she complains, sighing as her eyes flutter shut, trying to commit the feeling of him so damn close to her to memory. if she ends up snuggling a pillow thinking of him for the entire production of the movie, then so be it. she hates that he confirms that she needs to go, hands tightening on his shirt and itās her turn to hold on tighter to him. sheād stay forever in this house if it meant getting some more time with him, as excited as she is about shooting a movie. her career is taking off and she knows she canāt sacrifice it for anything, not even him. not that she thinks heād ever want her to. besides, the issues of autumn and his mother havenāt yet disappeared. theyāll pop back up again, once this blissful, affectionate moment has to come to an end. āyouāll text me a lot though, right? as much as you can? and maybe i can call every now and thenā¦ and facetime, ācause that long without your voice or your face seems unfair.ā
Ā Ā her head tilts, leaning heavily into his palm with a tender gaze and she completely melts as he once again tries to convince her that she canāt leave him just yet. her own ability to resist is fragile and getting more weak with every second, but she tries to clench her jaw. āwesā¦ā she trails off, but then his lips have found hers once more and she canāt say or do anything but let her eyes flutter shut, kissing him back once he lingers a little longer than a moment. her fingers brush his cheek, reaching for the side of his neck as she kisses him back. itās slow but eager, her head tilting as she deepens it once more, but she manages to stop herself, her nose bumping into his as she smiles. āwhy do i feel like weāre gonna go in circles of you doing that over and over again, honey?ā she murmurs, lips brushing over his as she tempts herself, or maybe him. the pet name slips out, feeling comfortable but thrilling once itās said.
Ā Ā ākinda donāt mind, thoughā¦ā swallowing, lottie sits up a little taller, using both of her hands to push his hair back off his face, getting a good look at him while her cheeks flush and she feels the squeeze of her heart. he tortures her with the look in his eye over and over again. from the moment things started up between them, heās been doing it. sheās so unbelievably weak for it that sheās kissing him again before she even knows it.
Ā Ā this time when charlotte stops, itās more abrupt, her hand on his chest, easing him back. her stomach twists with anxiety as the time ticks closer and closer to when theyāll absolutely be pushing it in terms of her flight and him with his mother coming home. āpromise me you wonāt get tired of waiting six months for us to be like this again?ā she feels silly for asking, especially considering the fact that wes is in a pr relationship heās not even happy to be in and has never indicated interest in anyone else. her anxiety is spiking the more she realises she actually does need to leave and fairly soon. āiām not ready to lose you again.ā she admits, the vulnerability only making the anxiety worse, but she needs some comfort before she can untangle herself from him.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āabsolutely.ā wes smiles, fondly thinking about the phone calls and long text conversations the two shared over the mid-season break. only, that break was just a couple of weeks, this one is going to be a lot more difficult.Ā āand for the record, youāre welcome to blow my phone up whenever you want.ā he assures her, knowing that anytime her name pops up on his phone screen thereās a swarm of butterflies in his stomach. āreading a twenty-text, stream of consciousness from you would definitely light up my day.ā it would likely be the peak of his day, if wes is being honest. there wont be much to look forward to without charlotte around, and he knows heāll be looking to her messages and tik toks for comfort more often than he should.
Ā luckily for wes, charlotte doesnāt need much convincing to stay a little longer and makeout, and when she calls him honey, his expression becomes one of absolute delight.Ā āhoney, huh?ā he chuckles, looking up at her as she pushes his hair out of his face.Ā āi should be the one calling you honey,Ā ācause i really canāt get enough of that sticky sweet.ā lost in it once again they become, their mouths moving with a fiery passion that wes has only ever felt when heās with charlotte. no stage kiss, no one night stand, no one could ever compare to the way it feels when he kisses charlotte washington. when she breaks their kiss, hand against his chest, wes falls back into the pillows with a sigh, his brain, heart and cock all still buzzing a little bit from her affect on him. heās about to say something silly and mildly possessive like: i hope you donāt have to kiss anybody like that in your movie; if you thought i was jealous of jordan... but charlotte gets the first word, and as the query leave her lips, he blinks, a little shocked at the question after all of the begging and pleading wes had done earlier in the night.Ā
Ā Ā Ā āi promise.ā he whispers, leaning back up again and pressing his lips to her cheek.Ā āyou are worth waiting for, charlotte. nothing is ever going to change how i feel about you, how much i want this -- you and me. especially not time.ā charlotteās lips are like a magnet, and he is a flimsy piece of metal being pulled into her field. there isnāt much time left for the two of them to spend lip-locked, but wes treasures every moment, every smack of their lips, every single breath they have to take before they dive back in again. but time moves faster when you want it to stop, and before they know it, itās nearly ten oāclock, and charlotte has to say her goodbyes. they take their time getting charlotteās stuff together, theyāre handsy as they head down the stairs and wes steals as many possible kisses as he can before his hand hits the doorknob and she steps out onto the dimly lit front porch.Ā āsix months is going to fly by.ā wes tells her, lying through his teeth. he knows this is going to be the longest six months of his fucking life. this is the first time heās ever felt anticipation, thereās never been something to keep himĀ feeling giddy about the future. he kisses her forehead, wearing a sad smile that he almost wishes charlotte didnāt have to see.Ā āiāll see you soon.ā
wes lingers in the doorway, his shoulder pressed against its frame, arms folded across his chest, waiting patiently for the moment when charlotte looks over her shoulder one last time to give him a smile. but when she does, itās not enough. sheās already turned around and wes canāt hold it together.Ā āhey -- hey.ā he calls out, and itās only half a second before she stops in her tracks and turns around again, facing him completely this time. he shakes his head, lifting one hand to rub the back of his neck.Ā āiām gonna miss you like crazy.ā her pretty little head tilts to the side and she rolls her eyes, like sheās giving into the voice in the back of her head thatās saying: just one more kiss goodbye -- because she marches right back over to wes and throws her arms right around him.Ā
if wes could hold her like this forever, he would. itās safe here, in her arms. itās not safe behind his back, in the home he hardly grew up in, where his mom will return soon enough to keep him on his strict regimen. exhaling a shaky breath, he runs his fingers through charlotteās curls one more time, and she lifts her gaze to look back up at him.Ā ālike crazy.ā he reiterates.Ā ādonāt forget that.ā one more kiss goodbye -- and he makes sure itās worth it, one that sheās not going to forget anytime soon. one that will make the next one even more delicious and rewarding. he cradles her face in his hands and holds on until neither of them have any breath left in their lungs. and then itās goodbye, for real this time. no calling out and beckoning her back for one more... just standing in the doorway, watching her leave. he waves one more time as she exits the driveway, but heās not really sure if sheās noticed or not. and then he heads back inside the empty mansion.Ā
alone again. he should relish this alone time, away from his mother who should be back in just a few hours. he could mess around a little longer in the studio, or play his heart out on his keyboard in his room but instead the only thing wes wants to do is look at charlotte. and since he canāt do it in person, he figures heāll get his fix another way, doing something he never thought he would do: watch the shitty teen soap opera the two of them star in. he heads into his bedroom first, grazes his fingertips over the spot charlotte had been in his bed and with absolutely no shame at all picks up the pillow sheād rested her head on and gives it a big whiff. it smells like her, but itās not nearly as good as the real thing. he tucks the pillow under his arm and grabs a throw blanket off the end of the bed, looking around his room for his phone which appears to be nowhere in sight. it must be in the kitchen, he thinks, and so he heads downstairs, the blanket trailing down the steps behind him. there it is, sitting on the counter where heād left it when he and charlotte had their little disagreement, and when he taps on the screen his heart sinks into his stomach when he sees how many notifications heās missed from his mother over the past couple of hours. he makes his way into the living room as he opens the messages.Ā
kathleen [ 8:07pm ]: Weāre spending the night in Napa. Iāll be home at noon tomorrow. You have an audition at 2:30. Iām forwarding you the script now.Ā
kathleen [ 8:45pm ]: Confirm that youāve received the script Weston.Ā
kathleen [ 9:25pm ]: Why arenāt you responding?Ā
missed call from kathleen at 9:37pm
missed call from kathleen at 9:44pm
missed call from kathleen at 9:55pm
Ā Ā Ā Ā āfucking bitch.ā he says out loud, tossing his phone onto the couch before he miserably throws himself on as well. so charlotte couldāve stayed over after all. well, not really, since she has to leave in the morning, but wes thinks if heād checked his fucking phone and seen that she wasnāt going to be home tonight wes couldāve persuaded charlotte to stay the night. he pulls his cozy blue blanket over his body and sinks deeper into the couch, clutching the pillow to his chest, wearing a look of disdain all over his face as he flicks on the television and scrolls until he finds a place to watch their show. he starts with the pilot, even though heās already watched it at charlotteās viewing party. rehearsing this new audition piece is the last thing on wesā mind as he begins the episode, ready to relive their first few moments together on set. he still has to text his mother back though, and while it always makes him nervous to do so, he sends her a little white lie:Ā
wes [ 10:07pm ]: was working on liberace. will take a look at the script now.
kathleen [ 10:08pm ]: Good. Have it memorized before I return tomorrow.
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Ā Ā Ā itās somewhat of a relief to know theyāre on the same page, especially since this development between them is so fresh. it doesnāt feel like theyāre repeating the past, not like other times theyāve kissed and crashed headfirst into all the rules theyāve set between the two of them. charlotte believes that this is an inevitable path the two of them are finally on once again, in that hopeless romantic brain of hers. despite everything that stands in their way, including a girl who proclaims herself his girlfriend in front of cameras, theyļæ½ļæ½ve finally reached something real. admittedly, she kind of wishes sheād known this was going to happen today, maybe she would have used more of her time alone with him instead of getting stuck on still toeing that line. she canāt take back how theyāve gotten here, though. she wouldnāt. āthatās all i want.ā she agrees, finding comfort in how gentle heās being with not only his affection but with her heart.
Ā Ā theyāre both fragile and raw after everything between them, with pasts edging their way to the surface as they continue to grow close once again. lottie is a little more relaxed, now that theyāve broached a subject thatās new territory for them and boundaries have been set, even if theyāre the kind they can very easily rub up against. with months stretching out after this where itās highly likely they wonāt see each other, itās also probably for the best they donāt get so carried away. distance makes the heart grow fonder, sure, but it also makes communication more fraught when the situation is as delicate as theirs. all of that is on her mind and not the words sheās let slip, assuming the general knowledge that plenty of girls have less than stellar experiences with sex. most people, really, especially when dealing with domineering men. sheās spoken about these kinds of things nonchalantly to jack and emilia, thrown in vaguely her own stories and itās not like they havenāt been kind to her about it. sheās just never thought of her sex stories as being particularly atypical. thatās probably why sheās not expecting wesā words, nodding as he requests to ask her something. āof course.ā the question he tentatively provides surprises her and she blinks for a second, her mind going blank. āumā¦ā
Ā Ā does charlotte particularly want to have this conversation now? not really, but she supposes she brought it up, walking about her less than stellar sexual past and what she presumes to be normal straight man behaviour when it comes to getting into bed. sheās hesitant to answer, her first instinct being to brush it off casually, but something stops her. heās being so delicate with her once again, assuring her that heād never make her feel like that. āi know, wes. you really havenātā¦ you let me initiate and you always make me feel safe, itās notā¦ā her brows furrow. āi donāt want it to sound like something itās not. everything iāve ever done was consensual, like, i wanna make that really clear, itās just, i donāt know. i feel like that happens to everyone, or at least it was happening to plenty of girls i knew at the time and iām talking likeā¦ high school. sex was supposed to be this thing you were coaxed into doing. i didnāt know how to get comfortable enough to enjoy it, then. maybe thatās part of why i like the idea of going slow, of learning each other.ā she wants something that feels equal, that values not just his desires but hers as well and from the second they began to discuss what they wanted itās been clear to her that wes finds that just as important. sheās still a little unsure of what to say, tucking her hair behind her ear as she gives him a soft smile and then focuses her gaze on smoothing out his shirt against his collarbone with her fingers. āmy ex-boyfriend from back then still lives out here in la.ā she adds, thinking about the time she accidentally scrolled on her for you page on tiktok and was accosted with his naked torso as he mimed to an audio of some damon salvatore line. sheād blocked him immediately. āwe moved here together, actually. we both wanted to pursue our dreams, him with social media, me with acting. we broke up pretty quickly. well, he broke up with me.ā she regrets that it wasnāt the other way around, but unfortunately it took him leaving her for lottie to see their relationship for what it was.
Ā Ā charlotte still isnāt looking him in the eye. āanyway, i think he just liked it like thatā¦ just, rough, aggressive. lots of guys do, youāve never heard locker room talk?ā her fingers continue to fiddle with his shirt, until she thinks sheās going to wear a hole into it by sheer force of will. āthat was a dumb question. sorry. just, yeah, i mean, my answer to your initial question i guess is yes. i appreciate that iām not worried about that with you and i promise, iāll never rush you either.ā she confirms, leaning into him and finally feeling fully confident to lay on that eye contact. the question of his experiences rattles around in her mind, but she doesnāt ask him just yet. she needs a second to not think and sheās already distracted now that her gaze has flickered down to his mouth. lottie closes the distance between them at a glacial pace, until her lips press against his and she finds herself once again getting carried away. it builds up as her head tilts and once again her tongue is sliding against his mouth, her ability to breathe going to the back of her mind until she absolutely has to consider it.
Ā Ā reluctantly, as her nose brushes against him, she thinks of the time. āi know i have to leave soon, but i really donāt want to.ā she complains, brows furrowing in frustration. āthe second i get to have you iām supposed to fly off and film a movie.ā she scoffs, unimpressed by the timing of the universe.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā maybe wes shouldnāt have asked her this question, because the startled expression she briefly sports has wes concerned that he may have overstepped. but he couldnāt not ask, not when he wouldāve spent the rest of the night overthinking what sheād said the moment she wouldāve stepped out the front door. but charlotte begins to explain, and wes listens thoughtfully, nodding along as she describes what her high school experience with sex was like. wes canāt relate, considering all of his schooling was done on sets in between takes, taught by very highly paid prestigious tutors his mother had hired to make sure that his education would still be top notch whilst he was becoming a rising star in television. the only high school that wes can say heās experienced would be the moments that have been written for him over the past decade. charlotte continues, but sheās not just talking about high school anymore -- she brings up her ex, and even though wes knows that this man is very much in her past, something within him begins to burn hot with jealousy.Ā
the urge to cyberstalk the fuck out of this ex-boyfriend that supposedly still lives in los angeles is running ramped through wesā mind. this is probably something that he shouldnāt do, but the moment that charlotte leaves he knows heās going to be tapping and scrolling until heās learned every last detail about this man so that if he sees him in the street he can treat him like the scum of the earth. wes wants to start talking shit, but he bites his tongue. thereās so many negative things he wants to say: make fun of the fact that heās pursuing social media as a career, that he canāt properly please a woman, that he would ever consider leaving charlotte, the most incredible woman on this planet. but wes keeps his pessimistic thoughts to himself, knowing that saying any of them ( except for maybe the last one ) isnāt productive to their conversation.Ā
sheās extra fidgety, and since she wont meet his gaze, his eyes are stuck on the way sheās playing with the fabric of his sweater and once the action has gone on for just a little bit too long, wes reaches to take her hand and stop her, rubbing his thumb in slow, soft circles on the palm of her hand in an attempt to calm her down. he shakes his head when she says it was a dumb question, because while yeah, he hasnāt actually heard locker room talk, there is a television equivalent and heās certain that dressing room talk has to be just as bad. once she finally locks eyes with him after what feels like ages of avoiding his gaze, it feels like his heart is fluttering in his chest. āiām glad that we can trust each other.ā wes starts, but he notices the way charlotte has now begun looking at his lips, and his train of thought is screeching to a halt on its tracks.Ā āand i uh,ā heĀ smiles.Ā āiām excited to see... what we learn about each other...ā he would go on, but charlotte is kissing him again and all he can focus on is how perfect the rhythm between them is. how together, they are the most passionate song ever written. when she pulls back too quickly, wes frowns, and the expression only grows more sad as she mentions that sheās going to have to leave soon.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āi donāt want you to.ā he whines, holding on tighter.Ā āi wish you could stay over. and in the morning iād take you to the airport, and weād have one of those cheesy airport goodbye scenes -- the kind that iād usually hate to film, but i wouldnāt hate this because iām not going to see you again for six fucking months and it hurts so bad to think about.ā he nuzzles his head into her neck, breathing in her pheromones and wes doesnāt know if heās going to be able to survive half a year without getting to hold her like this again, kiss her like he did, simply just smell her again. six months of uncertainty leading up to another six months of waiting. itās a terrifying thought, but wes is a whole lot more hopeful this time around. sure, autumn will still be a roadblock when they reunite again in the spring, but all of the cards are on the table now. theyāve said everything they can up to i love you to make it clear how serious a relationship between them means.Ā ābut i know you have to go.ā wes whispers, defeated.Ā āand i know you couldnāt stay here.āĀ
pulling back out from the safe space that is the crook of charlotteās neck, he lifts his hand to cradle her cheek in his palm.Ā ābut you donāt have to leave right now, do you?ā he asks, a softness to his voice that almost sounds as if heās about to start begging her to stay again. he controls himself though, smiling and letting his eyes wander to her lips, leaning in to kiss her but stopping just before their lips meet.Ā ādonāt you wanna stay and make out with me for a little while longer?ā he asks, licking his lips.Ā āmake up for lost time, or tide each other over for the next six.ā he gives her a peck on the lips,Ā āfucking.ā another peck.Ā āmonths.ā one more, but this time he lingers for a while, kissing her sweetly but seductively, encouraging her to stay for maybe a little longer than sheād intended.Ā
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Ā Ā Ā despite best intention, slater recoils at the notion of her being dramatic. her expression shifts quickly, between a resigned polite smile, to vague annoyance and back again. her gaze flickers to her shoulder, her lips pressing into a firm line.Ā āiām so not being dramatic.ā itās strange for her, to feel even remotely riled up by something someone else has done. itās unusual for her to even have fallen into a relationship like she has with natalia, which maybe speaks to why sheās feeling uncomfortable.Ā āshe didnāt even look at me.ā she grumbles, seeking out her drink.Ā Ā āand she kept laughing. you didnāt even say anything funny.āĀ
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āshe said hello. probably wouldāve asked your name if i hadnāt said it first.ā thereās no real reason to defend her, natalia doesnāt really know why sheās doing it at all but the words come tumbling out anyway. perhaps reveling in the feeling of someone being jealous over her for the first time in her life.Ā āiām sure it was just nervous laughter.ā shrugging, natalia looks around the engagement party, stopping when her eyes fix on her ex girlfriend embracing one of the brides to be. she only looks for a moment before turning back to slater, a smirk forming on her lips as she eyes her up and down.Ā āand she should be nervous. i brought the hottest girl to the party and sheās here alone, so...ā confidently, her hand slips around slaterās waist, pulling her in closer as if theyāre the only two in the room.Ā āignore her.ā she insists,Ā āiām gonna. letās get drinks.āĀ
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{ for @felteverywhereā im sorry ive been gone im tryin to get back into it xoxo }
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āi think youāre being a tad bit dramatic.ā quietly is how the words are intended to come out, spoken in a way that wonāt make nataliaās new girlfriend feel as though sheās looking to scold her, but in reality they slip from her tongue with attitude and even though she lovingly slips her hand onto the other girls shoulder, the words are still paired with an eyeroll.Ā āwe were just being friendly.ā her hand wisps through air, brushing the moment aside.Ā āshe may be my ex but itās nothing that you need to be worried about.āĀ
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Ā Ā charlotte wants to commit the soft whimpers that leave wesā mouth to her memory permanently. she almost canāt believe it, her mind feels fuzzy as much as she tries to hold on to the sound of it, replaying it over and over as he kisses her temple and reassures her that she has a place in his mind the way he does in hers. all her embarrassment and bashful tendencies ease as he begins to try and explain himself, stopping and starting and pausing until she finally feels him pull back. it removes his shoulder as her hiding place, her hair falling into her face until heās pushing it away and her eyes are open and vulnerable as she watches him. she canāt believe he wants to make eye contact with her while he explains what he likes in bed, but it inevitably turns her on just that notch more than sheās already been feeling.
Ā Ā Ā being a little hot and heavy is one thing, but this conversation is new for them, a ground they havenāt yet covered in their time together. interruptions and fractured moments havenāt allowed them to reach this beforehand, but nothing really prepares her for his answer to her question. she blinks, looking back at him inquisitively for a moment, as if sheās not quite sure what sheās hearing. wes liking being told what to do seems a stark contrast to the burdened, trapped reality he seems to live in, but as he elaborates on it she thinks maybe she understands it. or at the very least, sheās starting to. āahā¦ā she makes a noise of understanding, watching as he begins to melt into the nervous person she was a moment earlier, as if the two of them reflections of one another. her hands rest against his shoulders, rising up to his neck to find his warm skin as she watches him begin to unravel just a little bit, rambling on. she thinks it just might be the cutest thing in the world, seeing him be so shy about enjoying her bossing him around a little bit. she wonders idly how deep it goes, but it seems like something to explore down the line and not right this second. though, the going down on her for hours thing piques her interest in a way thatās visible on her face, brows raising, cheeks flushing. she vaguely recalls a comment from her birthday, a drunken, hot admission that she canāt remember the exact words from. āwes.ā she says his name in a smile and then pouts. āheyā¦ā
Ā Ā she matches his movement from earlier, brushing hair from his forehead and then cupping his cheek, leaning in for a peck rather than telling him to shut the fuck up like heās asking her to. āitās new, us talking about stuff like this. itās totally normal to feel a little weird about it, butā¦ i like being the first one you told about that. i like it when you trust me and let me in.ā lottie pauses, something overtaking her as her gaze sweeps from those thoughtful, beautiful eyes of his to his lips. her hand shifts, her small hand taking his chin with all the confidence of someone double her height. āif we were doing that, you doing everything i saidā¦ youād need to trust me, wouldnāt you?ā she asks, fully aware that sheās teasing him. maybe itās unfair but she doesnāt allow him to complain, leaning in for yet another kiss, this time softer and more adoring than the last. sheās thinking about his question, his wondering what she likes and she finds that sheās probably as mortified as he was a second earlier at the idea of sharing her fantasies. swallowing the lump thatās formed in her throat, she pulls back, staring at his shoulder as her hand slides down it, fingers sliding underneath the sleeve of his shirt mindlessly as she thinks. āi like what you said about going down on me. thatās definitely something iāve imaginedā¦ more than once. probably lots of times. itās stupidāā lottie meets his gaze. āi just think youād be really good at it? something about being a musical prodigyā¦ and a hard worker.ā thereās an amused grin on her face thatās hiding her slight embarrassment saying all of that aloud. ābut, other than thatā¦ā she pauses again, still on the fence about exactly what she wants to tell him.
Ā Ā thereās a brave girl inside her, someone who eagerly gets on top of him, who exudes a confidence people donāt expect from such an innocent looking face. this feels different, though. itās far more than that. āi guess sometimes i imagine what it would be like to give head without being rushed or like, having my head shoved down. and i like imagining itās you. getting to go slow, teasing, surprising you. today has inspired some really good sounds to replay in my head for that andā¦ literally anything else.ā she licks her lips and knows that sheās plucked a thought from her mind that she thinks he might like. she trails off, her mind going elsewhere as she looks up at the ceiling. as if her cheeks werenāt warm a second ago, theyāre far worse now. āi like the idea of learning each other slowly, of like, lavishing and adoring and worshipping. i likeā¦ early morning and late night stuff too. anything that includes spooning and maybe being half asleep. or at least i think i would,ā her brows furrow together as she pauses, her hand turning to a fist that leans against his chest. āi havenāt had a whole lot of enjoyable sex.ā the admission surprises her, but sheās feeling like she may as well just keep being honest with him.
Ā Ā āi donāt know why iām telling you this, i guess because i know we havenāt really talked about this until now and i donāt wanna get carried awayā¦ as much as i actually do kind of want to.ā she smiles, but itās resigned, sheās still focused on what she needs to say. āi donāt wanna do anything stupid. i donāt wanna rush in, especially not right now when weāve just kind of, sorta figured some of our stuff out. and i know i brought it up, obviouslyā¦ but i justā¦ā she realises then that she hasnāt been looking at him and her eyes find his, knowing sheāll find acceptance and kindness there, even though sheās nervous in the seconds before she looks for it. āas much as i want you, i also donāt wanna fuck this up. you mean way too much to me.ā
Ā Ā he means everything to her, she wants to say, but that might be too close to the thing she keeps thinking she should tell him. throwing that statement around when they have so much to figure out still seems like just the same as jumping into bed together, though and thatās enough to stop her from taking the leap. pursing her lips, she shoots him a hopeful smile. āi also think missionary is underrated, with lots of eye contact.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā all fears are washed away as soon as wes hears the tone of charlotteās voice. her gentle touch, brushing hairs away from his sweaty forehead is just another way to ease all of his nerves. sometimes wes thinks that she can read her mind, considering the way every time he feels overwhelmed she seems to calm him almost instantly with the smallest of gestures. she does things heās never even told her will make him feel safe -- things that even he himself didnāt know could put out the fires inside his head. it could be the action, the kindness and consideration put into every touch to unravel him from his spiral, or it could just be charlotte. either way, there is no one out there that seems to know wesā needs the way that she does.Ā āyeah i...ā he starts, but he notices the way charlotte breaks their gaze and begins to focus on something else.
thereās a shockwave of electricity sending rapid fire shivers down wesā spine as soon as she takes his chin between her fingers and stares him down. his lips part slightly, and he holds her gaze, absolutely mesmerized by what heās seeing before him. she gets it -- she gets him. thereās no judgement, nor does she even question his desires and sheās already attempting to get into the role that heās described and wes cannot believe that heās so lucky.Ā āuh-huh.ā he stutters, not daring to break eye contact with her to emphasize how serious he really is.Ā āi trust you. completely.ā in every aspect. thereās never once been a situation in which charlotte has broken his trust ( unless wes counts the time she was photographed kissing jordanās cheek, but now that theyāve reached this point, heās pretty sure even that was a misunderstanding ), and now that heās revealed his most shameful wants to her, it feels like the faith he has in her will only continue to grow. his thoughts are distracted by her kiss, sweet and inviting just the way he likes it. he doesnāt feel so scared anymore -- like if she were to ask him more questions he wouldnāt be a blubbering rambling idiot, he might actually be able to get into the details, even though wes doesnāt even know exactly what the details are.Ā
but when charlotte pulls back, sheās prepared to tell him her own desires and wes is attentively ready to listen. almost immediately, wes finds his lips curling into a wide smile, his eyes twinkling with delight at the thought of charlotte also fantasizing about him going down on her -- and that she thinks heāll be good at it. he laughs, leaning in to kiss the corner of her mouth before she continues. charlotte going down on him has definitely been something heās thought about, not nearly as much as heās thought about doing the same for her, but when he has imagined it, itās exactly as sheās described. slow, teasing... his cock twitches a little in his sweatpants and he kind of hopes that she hasnāt noticed even though he doesnāt think sheād be upset with him. his brows do pull together in a curious thought for a moment at the mention of charlotte not wanting to be rushed, and he wonders if someone has ever made her feel this way before. he canāt fathom the idea of anyone ever trying to pressure someone as wonderful and loving as charlotte into doing something that she doesnāt want to do, and while he wants to ask her if this is just a one-off comment or if itās something sheās experienced, he decides to put a pin in it while charlotte continues discussing what sheād like.
i havenāt had a lot of enjoyable sex both answers his question and causes him to have a whole new set of them at the same time, but when it comes down to it, wes is not very different. thereās never been a real connection, not like this at least. thereās never been full blown love, although it may be unsaid, or even the slightest semblance of safety with anyone else heās been with. patiently and quietly, wes waits his turn to speak, soaking up every last idea that charlotteās giving him in the hopes that maybe after this season break, when the two come together again he can actually put them into action. he nods occasionally, and squeezes her gently from time to time as if to encourage her to go on, but soon itās his turn to say something, and wes exhales and content sigh. you mean way too much to me will live on repeat in his mind until he sees her again.Ā āi donāt wanna fuck this up either.ā he agrees, cupping her face in his hands. āmaking sure that youāre comfortable, and happy and... satisfied is the most important thing for me.ā wes expresses, stroking her cheek with his thumb.Ā āeverything youāve said sounds perfect to me. so letās take it slow, and keep talking about things and... find out what works for both of us.ā the sudden mention of missionary causes wes to laugh a little, biting his lip to stop himself from smiling so hard.Ā āi mean, any excuse to look in your eyes. and i do love the idea of you wrapping your legs around me.āĀ
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ābut um, can i... ask you something?ā wes whispers, a little nervous again now that heās about to take down that pin from a few moments before.Ā āhave you been.... rushed in the past?ā he dares to ask, his voice wavering a little bit at the prospect of pushing her to talk about something that she may not want to.Ā āi only ask because you mentioned having your...ā he frowns, not liking the way sheād put it.Ā āyour head shoved down. did someone try to.. pressure you? because i never, ever want to make you feel like you have to do something you donāt want to.ā he promises, projecting devotion through his eyes. ālike, you could tell me you would only ever wanna kiss me and iād still be grateful just to be close to you.āĀ
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Ā Ā itās almost difficult to stay so still, but necessary as grayson blinks and stares back up at the blonde, wondering what on earth she calls this strategy. cajoling him into submission isnāt going to work, at least he thinks it doesnāt and he assumes the alcohol sheās got her hand wrapped tightly around is to blame for her behaviour. he inhales through his mouth, feeling the shakiness all through his body. thereās no one around to catch them, but that doesnāt mean he feels safe doing something like this. he feels so far from safe he canāt believe it.
Ā Ā grayson spends most of his nights staying late at the campaign office, working hours he definitely shouldnāt for his own peace of mind. the pay is good enough to cover his rent and then some and it seems to satisfy both his roommates that heās almost never around, though his work schedule has made quick work of his semblance of a social life. maybe thatās why he finds himself regretfully enjoying the ridiculous back and forth with madison, who is one of the people in the office closest to his age but in no way could or would ever want to be his friend. sheās the middle child of his boss and until recently was technically his co-worker, until things went belly up with their social media presence. her replacement isnāt even half as competent, which has made their engagement plummet recently, but senator thorpe seems to be a fairly rigid woman. no matter how much he tried to convince her they could come back from a meme the media took wrong, she doesnāt value his opinion the way she does people with more years in the game than he has. despite his disappointment in madisonās mother for the choice, that doesnāt mean heās willing to risk his job for some stupid prank she wants to pull. still, he doesnāt quite have the strength to send her out and order a car for her.
Ā Ā scoffing at her words, he sighs and sits back, putting some distance between them. thereās a temptation to ask for a sip of her drink, but he drove to the office and he can only imagine how that would look, if his car was there overnight. āsheās my boss.ā he replies simply to the question of why heād want to be in senator thorpeās good graces. this job is his most important position in his career and he hopefully has a long, full one ahead of him. making connections and impressing now will make all the difference later. if he wants to reach the white house, he needs to show that heās a valuable asset. madison doesnāt factor into that equation, though her words still him as he looks from her bottle to her eyes as she tells him she wants to kiss him. āyou donāt mean that.ā he replies plainly, shaking his head. heās reached a logical explanation for all of this now. she doesnāt like him or even really want to kiss him, sheās just grumpy and bitter, toying with him for her own amusement. standing up, he reaches for the bottle so he can take it off her. āyou donāt want to kiss me, youāve just had too much to drink and youāre mad at your mother. weāve all been there, but you donāt have to get back at your mother for anything. she might let you back onto the team if your replacement keeps being so awful. iāve been working on it.ā itās a half truth, he just wants to try andā¦ soothe her, though sheās acting like she doesnāt want the womanās approval. heās closer to her again, trying to take the bottle completely out of her grip. āyou just need to drink some water and iāll get you an uber.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āyou donāt know what i want.ā madison snaps, pulling back on the bottle to keep it close.Ā āi donāt want to work here again, i never wanted to work for her in the first place. sheās the woooorst.ā she presses the bottle against her cheek, the cold glass causing her to shiver a little. madison has always felt that the expectations her mother has upheld for her have been completely unachievable, but working on her campaign felt like she was drowning in responsibility that there was no way she could never live up to. like sheād been setup to fail, even though her downfall was entirely her own, but it was just a fucking joke.Ā āyou donāt know how impossible she is. or maybe you do, you work close enough with her to know that stupid tone she uses when sheās disappointed in you.ā she rants, unscrewing the cap on the bottle and going to take another swig of it, but grayson snatches it back again, stopping her and she pouts.āhey!ā she gently pushes his shoulder and then goes on again:Ā āyouāve only had to deal with that disappointed tone for like, what?ā she squints, trying to remember when heād first started working here, but sheās unable to place the date.Ā āhow long have you been working here? like six months? whatever -- iāve had to deal with that tone for twenty years! and itās insufferable!āĀ
heās right that she needs to drink some water, but going home is out of the question, not when the last thing she said to her mother included the words unlikeable and fucked. āno, no, donāt get me an uber.ā she whines, grasping at the collar of his shirt to pull him in closer again.Ā āi canāt go home like this anyway. my momās gonna kill me.ā madison exaggerates, pleading with him.Ā ācanāt we just hang out here?ā she asks, her bottom lip jutting out as she attempts to look innocently persuasive. āor... take me home with you?ā perfectly curled eyelashes bat at grayson and she flashes her million-watt smile ( or at least, the drunk equivalent of it ).Ā āi promise i wonāt put my fingers in your mouth again.ā she says, though part of her feels like that might not be true.Ā ānext time i do will beĀ ācause you asked me to.āĀ
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āand just to circle back real quick,ā she holds up a finger and narrows her eyebrows at him. āmaybe i do want to kiss you. come on grayson, donāt you know in vino veritas?ā she giggles, her hand raising to run her fingers through her silky blonde hair.Ā āmaybe i just donāt have the courage to tell you when iām sober.ā thatās not exactly the case. when sheās sober itās a lot easier to focus on the things she doesnāt like about grayson, unlike right now as she stares at him, suddenly finding herself fixated on the intricacies of his face. there are so many freckles that sheās never noticed before, or at least never been close enough to notice, and sheās counting each one, her eyes darting around his face before they meet his again and she keeps saying things sober madison never would.Ā ābut we donāt have to go back to your place and kiss. we could go and play, i donāt know -- boggle? that seems like some kind of lame game that youād be really into.ā maybe there is a balance after all, because thatĀ is the madison that heās used to around the office, the one whoās always picking on him. maybe now heāll put the pieces together that itās because she likes him. but itās complicated, he loves her mother, and she is indifferent towards her.Ā ācome onnnn,ā madison continues to beg.Ā āhang out with meee.ā
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Ā Ā this casual closeness goes further than they have in a long, long time. itās not even necessarily about the position charlotte has put herself in, perched on his lap so comfortably that she can remember what it used to be like, when it was easier and she was clueless about all the things wes held inside him, suffering all alone. itās almost like nothing ever happened, but not quite that much. she feels like she knows him better now and she appreciates every second of his cheek pressing into her arm and his fingers hovering over hers, helping to guide her as he teaches her the song. the corner of her mouth lifts in thinly veiled flattery when he explains that every song in the notebook heās got in front of them is about her. butterflies are running rampant in her stomach and she shakes her head, unsure what to say in response. of course sheās written so many damn songs about him in return, about things that have happenedā¦ about things she wished could happen. there are half-finished melodies and verses written in her notes app that he may never even know the existence of. there have been times since they met where lottie has believed somehow that he doesnāt feel as strongly as she does, but this is evidence to the contrary all along and that is both nerve-wracking and thrilling.
Ā Ā sheās dazzled by the way his hands seem to move so comfortably and she has to fight to focus on playing the notes as he touches her so gently. her eyelids flutter shut as he kisses her shoulder and she has to swallow the lump that forms in her throat. āiām probably not doing it justice.ā she replies bashfully, but then tries to focus harder, preoccupied with impressing him to distract herself from the urge to wrap her arms around him and refuse to let go. the sound of his voice saying her name and his hand urging her to stop draws her attention back in. turning her head, she feels almost dizzy as she looks at him. even more so when he asks what he does. can i please kiss you?
Ā Ā a question uttered with such tenderness that for a moment sheās stunned, lips parting but no words come out. lottie surpasses the need for answering with words and instead suddenly sheās kissing wes. itās not an impulse out of frustration, not something brought on by feeling herself pushed this way and that by the things that have happened between them. their relationship is intricate and complicated, but at its very core thereās a simple want: to be as close to wes nichols as fucking possible. the second he told her he wanted things to change, that she made him want it, charlotte has had something new to hold on tightly to. she has a hope, one that she pours into this kiss she shares with him.Ā
Ā Ā Ā a small gasp falls from her lips as he scoops an arm underneath her and lifts her up from the piano bench. her arms reflexively reach to wrap around his neck as he guides them over to the bed. her mind seems to blank for a moment, watching as he shifts back on it, making space for her to come right back to him, her knees on either side of his body. itās a surprisingly comfortable position, despite the fact that they havenāt done this in a while. their lips connect again and thereās a little less innocence in it now, her head tilting to the side as she deepens it. in between breathless kisses she hears him trying to check in and appreciates the gesture, giggling softly as he elaborates, her hands resting comfortably on his chest. āyeah?ā she whispers back to him, eyes glittering with amusement.
Ā Ā āi really like you.ā she replies, simply. āi like being able to show you how much i like youā¦ and i like being on top of you.ā lottie exhales through her nose and then leans forward to kiss his cheek. now that theyāve thrown the whole imaginary rulebook out and heās spurring her on with wandering hands, sheās trying to avoid any thought of the fact that they wonāt get another moment like this for a long while. when she leans in again, her lips connect with his jaw and they part, another couple open mouthed kisses making their way down, her nose and her lips brush over his neck as she pulls herself closer to him. itās somehow familiar and yet so different to the way it used to be, with no explanation how that could be possible. thereās an urgency that lottie feels almost embarrassed over, a heat taking over her body and her cheeks flush. her hands shift down towards his torso, though they donāt do anything nefarious. charlotte is just touching, maybe testing her luck as she pulls back and looks wes in the eye again, her lips pink and wet as she leans in on instinct. she doesnāt think she can look at him and not kiss him at this point, but she has to pull back to say whatās on her mind. āwes, when youāre aloneā¦ā her eyes remain closed as she speaks, shut tight although their lips are barely an inch apart and heās not likely to notice how nervous she looks speaking. āwhat do you think about? what are we doing?ā her heartās beating harder and sheās immediately feeling like she shouldnāt have asked, considering theyāve just barely gotten to a good place after so long forced apart.. although wes is the one who wanted her on top of him. lottieās experiencing a brainfog of want built up from trailer make out sessions and moments cut short that were so long ago now, so she thinks she has her excuses for her mind being in the gutter. āassuming you think about me, that isā¦ and i hope you do.ā she tacks on, lowering her head so she can press her forehead against his shoulder to hide from his reaction.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā moonlight spills in through wesā bedroom window, casting an inexplicable glow all over charlotte as she peers down at him from above. instantly, his heart rate picks up as soon as she expresses that she really likes him, and while wes thinks it would be crazy to drop the hard l word right now, thereās a part of him that wants to throw all caution to the wind and proclaim: i really love you. not only does wesā anxiety prevent him from saying so, but as soon as charlotteās lips begin trailing down his jawline and reach his neck, itās like his mind has gone absolutely blank. all he can focus on is the softness of her lips against his skin, and his head instinctively tilts slightly to allow her more space to leave her delicate kisses. he feels almost over-stimulated, in all the best ways; the firm weight of her on top of him, the tickling but tantalizing feeling of her neck kisses, her hands exploring over his chest and stomach, and the way he can still hear the song heās written for her playing on a loop in the back of his head. the way heād describe the way feels beneath her right now is on fire, and for her he wants to burn, burn, burn.Ā
wes has been suppressing a moan for a while now -- the heat of everything has him extremely worked up, but thereās a small fear that showing too much enthusiasm may lead charlotte to believe that she has to do more than just shower him with kisses right now. sure, the thrill of getting into something more intimate with her is definitely on his mind, the last thing he wants to do is put any pressure on that happening right now. he wants to move at her pace, because really, deep down, wes doesnāt even think heās ready for them to do anything further than this without them seriously talking about it first, but he canāt help but whimper softly when charlotte takes her lips away from his skin and moves to stares down at him. she speaks, and the way she says his name elicits yet another whimper, but he manages to overcome all of this overstimulation and pay close attention to what sheās asking. the question is so simple, yet so complex at the same time. it feels like it should be easy to tell charlotte exactly what he imagines, but for some reason itās the exact opposite -- his mouth has gone dry and heās completely tongue tied. until she suggests that maybe he doesnāt think of her when heās alone and buries her face in his shoulder.Ā Ā āof course i do.ā wes smiles, pressing a quick kiss to her temple.Ā āsometimes i worry maybe a little too much.āĀ
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ābut um, i guess i, um....ā he tries to go on, but the words just wonāt come to him. maybe itās because sheās hiding, and the lack of her eyes on his is hindering his confidence, or maybe itās because heās ashamed to admit what heās into, either way, right now, wes is unable to explain himself.Ā āi think i like... i uh,ā he shakes his head and decides itās confidence that he needs. so he takes his hands out of her back pockets and moves to putĀ his weight on his elbows and shifts them up so that heās sitting up straight and able to look in her eyes. one hand rests on the small of her back and the other moves to tuck strands of loose hair behind her ear before ultimately cradling her cheek in the palm of his hand. it should be harder this way, now that their eyes are locked, but for some reasonĀ it really is the exact thing to give him that boost of courage. āi... think about doing anything and everything for you. whatever you say, i... i want to do it.āĀ
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āi know that first night we talked, i said that i didnāt like to be told what to do, and i think itās pretty clear that iām really not into controlling relationships but uh, when it comes to this...ā wes exhales an embarrassed chuckle, and tightly shuts his eyes in an attempt to avoid seeing charlotteās reaction.Ā āthatās not exactly the case.ā one eye opens, peeking to see what she thinks. his entire body feels white hot, like he said something he wasnāt supposed to say, something thatās going to get him in trouble -- something thatās going to make charlotte change her mind about him. āaaaand youāre the first person iāve ever actually admitted that to, and i donāt know why but i feel all mortified saying it out loud. like i... never thought i would tell anyone that, but of course if iām going to tell anybody, itās gonna be you...ā heās rambling now, filibustering the space so that charlotte canāt shut down what heās into -- not that he thinks she will, if anything she would gracefully turn him down and heād still be madly in love, but heās pathetically scared to find out what she thinks. because to wes, this kink, or whateverĀ it is, is downright humiliating and he can hardly imagine what others might consider it.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āand iāll also add that i really like the idea of going down on you for hours and just like in general treating you like an absolute princess... you are one, and i... you know, you deserve... i wanna treat you like that.ā his hand lifts from her cheek, moving to wipe a bead of sweat that has formed on his forehead. he canāt tell if itās their body heat increasing his temperature thatās causing him to perspire, or the thrill of this conversation thatās heating him up.Ā āiām sorry, now i feel like i canāt stop talking for some reason. why is it so hard to talk about this kind of stuff?ā he covers his face with his hand for a second, wearing an embarrassed smile behind it. ācan you please tell me to shut up already and tell me what you like so that i can stop rambling like a nervous wreck?ā
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Ā Ā the food is packed back away, the possibility of them revisiting their first night hanging out, slips away with it, but so does the game of pretending that things are okay between them. it wasnāt easy to confront the feelings she had swirling in her chest, to actually express all the things sheād been holding back for so damn long. sheās relieved to see that he looks a little more at ease now, holding out his hand so he can lead her to the bedroom as she nods slowly, accepting the offer. it feels a little like whiplash, switching so quickly between her emotions, but sheās seen a wes so painfully open to her that she canāt quite resist staying with him a little longer. thereās a cynical part of her in the back of her brain thatās still sure itās too good to be true, this sober promise of things changing, but lottie wants to believe it. she wants him to mean it more than anything and she wants him to act on it even more. maybe thatās why sheās still willing to listen to this song and likely have her heart flutter and skip a beat in the process. it doesnāt surprise her that he likes to play his music in the sanctuary of his room. feeling his hand firmly in hers, she follows as he walks her up the stairs, keeping her eyes on him cautiously as they make their way to his bedroom once more. this time feels different, though, itās not full of uncertainty or with eyes searching for the wes in this house thatās supposed to be his. this time when she sits down on his bed, her eyes only travel around the room for a few seconds before they land on him at the keyboard, watching as he flips open a notebook.
Ā Ā the mention of the ferris wheel has her raising her brows, wondering what the content of this song will hold, her lips pressing together to not smirk at the idea of him typing up lyrics about her the second he got a chance. ānoted.ā she replies, punctuating it with a tilt of her head as she waits for him to begin. she canāt pin point the beginning of writing every song sheās written about him, many of them are undated, small pieces of songs that come together later. lottie isnāt messy in most of her life, but in song writing she likes to think of every song as her little frankensteinās monster. she shifts points of view, shifts moments, jumping back and forth from one to the next and back again. it seems that wes is more particular than her in that regard, something that doesnāt surprise her in the slightest. this is wes, after all.
Ā Ā as the song opens, sheās dazzled by the easy way his fingers dance over the keys. it comes across like heās been doing this his whole life, thereās something so natural about his playing ability, but then she hears his soft voice singing out to her and the little sway sheās been doing to his opening pauses as she listens to the lyrics. itās impossible to not read everything into them, but as he plunges into the chorus, his confidence seems to crescendo and sheās in complete awe. everything sheās ever felt for him comes rushing back. adoration wraps around her heart, making a cushion for how much it has ached over the last few hours. sheās been cautious, even when she wrapped her arms around him and soothed him with her words she wasnāt quite sure what she was doing, but his song reminds her. theyāve lit fires within one another. he inspires her to be great, to work hard and develop her talent and she thinks she inspires him too, that she makes him realise something more than what he has right now is entirely possible. she watches his eyes shut tight as he sings and she smiles, longs to walk over and throw her arms around him. itās not till heās finally done that she says anything, though her hands come together in an excited, one woman applause.
Ā Ā Ā āwes, itās beautiful. i donāt say that for nothing. youāre soā¦ effortless when you play. itās really, really special. you looked so wrapped up in it, like you loved doing it.ā lottie explains, only realising now that sheās blushing a little bit over all of this. she loves her song, but his song is special. or at least, she supposes itās easier to pile on the praise for him because itās him. āi loved it. iāve neverā¦ i didnāt know you saw me as so motivating.ā she jokes and then, because she just canāt resist, she lifts up off the bed, making her way over to him in slow steps, cautious as she regards him. something in her is feeling bold, recalling the stretch of time that sits between this night together and the next time theyāll see one another. now that theyāve had a real conversation and her feelings are so squarely on the table, sheās doing things she usually wouldnāt. as she gets close, she signals for him to move back a little, helping to push the stool at the keyboard back a little bit too before she slides in beside him and then confidently sits herself on his lap. it almost feels like the old them, the two of them sneaking around and pretending they werenāt possibly going to be serious while spending all their time alone at her house party, getting ridiculously carried away. lottie looks down at him, a coy, hesitant smile on her lips before she focuses her gaze on the keyboard. āshow me how to play the first part, please.ā
Ā Ā while waiting for him to indicate where her fingers need to go, tendrils of her hair fall into her face, her gaze flickering over to the notebook he clearly didnāt need when he was playing. āhow many songs might i find about me in there?ā she asks, indicating to it with her gaze, pleased with her position there above him. maybe she wonāt get to see him for a little while, but he wonāt forget this day with her, thatās for sure.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā there really isnāt any reason that wes should be nervous to learn what charlotte thinks of his song. this is the woman whoās been a fan of him since she was in middle school, and back then she likely dreamed of a moment like this. deep down, wes knows that she loves it -- probably just much as he loved writing it... but heās still trembling, palms sweaty as he meets her gaze and asks her what she thinks. as soon as she begins clapping, his cheeks are turning a deep shade of pink, and wearing a bashful smile, he whispers:Ā āthank you.ā heās a little lost for words, focusing on her wide smile and the peach colored blush thatās overcome the majority of her face. at least theyāre both turning pink, wes thinks, feeling his face getting hotter by the second as she refers to herself as motivating.Ā āyeah, i...ā he starts, but the words get caught in his throat when charlotte rises from her seat at the edge of his bed and begins to slowly move towards him. something has shifted, he can feel it.Ā āi want to change and... and youāve been the main catalyst for that.āĀ
at first, wes thinks that she wants to sit beside him, and he slides to the side to provide room on the bench, but sheās gesturing for him to move back and he does as instructed and suddenly -- veryĀ unexpectedly, wes has charlotte sitting on his lap again for the first time in what feels like forever. well, maybe since her birthday, a revelation provided by the pictures from the photobooth, but he doesnāt really remember that. this, however he will never forget. wes tries not to get lost in how good she smells, how soft the skin of her arm feels as he presses the side of his face against her shoulder and reaches out to guide her hands to the right notes. a content sigh leaves his lips as their fingers briefly intertwine as he shows her around the keys; sheās getting the hang of the intro, and beginning to get into further chord progressions without much of wesā help, but he still leaves his hands ghosting above hers. his gaze has been focused on watching her play, but as soon as charlotte asks him a question, his attention is completely taken to look up at her, eyes locked on the chords before her.Ā āin this notebook?ā wes reluctantly lifts his hand from atop hers and reaches out to brush the pages of the composition book sitting on the music stand in front of them.Ā āum...ā he lets out an awkward laugh, hesitating before confessing this, apprehensive of whether or not charlotte will find this romantic or obsessive, but after a second he finally whispers:Ā āevery song in this notebook is about you.ā heās lucky that right beside them on the shelf are dozens of composition notebooks, so maybe she wonāt think itās so crazy that he has one dedicated to only her.Ā
itās simply impossible to follow any boundaries right now. heād keep his hands on the keyboard, but thatās where her fingers are, and now that heās looked down, his eyes are fixated on the perfect spot on her thigh. one hand rests there, and the other swiftly travels up her arm, his fingertips dancing their way up in a similar manner to the way her own are on the keys. wes swears to himself as heās tucking her hair behind her ear that heās doing this to help her and not for an excuse to touch her. but he does linger with his movements, reveling in it, the softness of her earlobe, the silkiness of her curls... wes sighs, leaning a little closer and pressing his lips to her shoulder.Ā āgod, i... kind of canāt believe youāre playing my song right now...ā and playing it so remarkably. he always knew she was talented but to immediately be able to pick up on the intricacies of his songwriting is rather impressive.Ā
by the time sheās reached the chorus, wes doesnāt know if he wants to sing it again, softly beside her ear or abruptly stop her all together and profess his love for her. instead, wes does neither -- but he does lift the hand from her thigh to interrupt her playing, slowly reaching forward to take her hand and inspire her to turn to look at him. when she does, it feels like heās forgotten how to breathe.Ā ācharlotte...ā green eyes dart between her own and perfectly supple lips, begging him to experience their softness for the second time today. but he doesnāt think that he possesses that particular boldness, the one that is confident enough to see that this moment surpasses their boundaries and just make the move. he tightens his grip, licks his lips, and decides to ask:Ā ācan i please kiss you?ā
she gives him his answer by closing the gap -- and for the second time today the two of them are swept up in a passionate, devoted kiss. cradling her cheek in his hand, it feels like wesā heart is doing cartwheels in his chest. this is not the angry kiss that it was earlier. this is not a sad, last kiss high in the sky, or one lost in a night of drinkingĀ -- this kiss is hopeful, this kiss is a promise. there is love in this kiss, and it doesnāt feel like itās just on his end.Ā wrapping an arm underneath her knees wes seamlessly lifts her into the air, carrying her off of the piano bench and over to his bed. but wes is not the type to throw her down on the bedding and cover her body with his own. instead he sits down on the bed, allowing himself to get comfortable in the pillows and charltotte to adjust herself to properly straddle his lap again, placing his hands on her hips, wes grips her tightly, kisses her fervently, and thinks to himself: you have got to be fucking dreaming right now.Ā āi um,ā wes starts, pulling back to take a breath,Ā āi hope this is okay.ā his hands slip back farther to grab her ass, gently slipping his hands into the pockets of her jeans.Ā āi just... i think i really like it when youāre on top of me.ā he laughs a little, almost awkwardly, like heās embarrassed to admit this, even though he knows itās something that he should share with her. she should know what he likes, considering right now ( and many, many other times before this ) wes canāt stop thinking about what she might like, what he can do to to make her happy.Ā
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Ā Ā itās not like charlotte wants to cut down this rare stretch of alone time short, not deep down, but sheās overwhelmed and has clearly hit her breaking point. sheās saying things she knows sheāll regret, throwing her feelings at him to provoke rather than to just be honest. this whole day feels like a charade now that everything is out on the table and maybe thatās another reason why she runs, because if sheās going to get her heart broken once again, sheād rather not have him see the pitiful look in her eyes when he does it.
Ā Ā when he stops her, of course her feet stop moving. sheās rigid, glued to the spot as she sniffs, reaching with her free hand to wipe away a stray angry tear. āwesā¦ā she says his name abruptly, planning to tell him to just let her go, but the sound of his voice suppresses the rush of adrenaline sheās been feeling since she kissed him. her heart seems to slow and the room stops spinning as she reluctantly turns her head, eyes watching him as he pitifully apologises. a shaky breath leaves her as she watches him, brows knitting together and her lips parting, but nothing seems to come out. sheās not sure what to say to him or what to do, that urge to run not completely squashed. seeing him like this, begging her not to go, apologising with everything he has. thereās no facade, no pretend confidence, itās as raw as sheās ever seen him and what she feels most deeply is empathy. it feels like sheās looking at the boy who maybe once believed that it was better this way, for him to do as his mother decided so he would be safe and successful. heās never looked so young to her before and she canāt help but think that even if heās not breaking her heart the usual way, itās still doing the same thing to her. as he reaches for her other hand she remains reluctant, turning to look at him with a cautious sadness in her eyes. Ā Ā
Ā Ā somehow this makes her words more true. iād pick you over everything. she meant it when she said it and she feels it now, looking at him. she manages to hold herself together for about twenty seconds longer, seeing him begin to spiral, but thereās no more weighing up her options. lottie drops wesā hands only so she can wrap her arm around his torso, her other hand finding his hair, coaxing him down to hang over her and bury his face in her shoulder despite their size difference. āiāll stay.ā she tells him softly. āiāll stay for a little bit longer. okay? i stillā¦ i actually do have to be out of here at some point, though,ā she laughs gently, though she still feels so emotionally drained and shellshocked. on top of never being able to fight off the urge to let him in time and time again, charlotte is scared of leaving him alone like this. itās enough to make her regret lashing out, even if some part of her knows maybe he needed to hear it. ābut for now iām here. okay? iā¦ i know this is complicated, but i believe youāre trying. i believe you. as long as you try to let me in, i can do that, wes. i just need you to tell me youāre trying, to show me. i donāt wanna be here in the dark and i donāt really wanna play pretend anymore.ā she admits, feeling that based on his reaction, he wonāt take her words poorly. she can give smaller, kinder doses of truth now, to give him a little because sheās pushed him harder today than she intended to.
Ā Ā even as she speaks, she doesnāt pull away from him, her eyes barely taking in the room as she holds onto him. one of her hands had been idly running through his dark locks, soothing him as best she can. turning her head towards him, she gives herself permission to kiss his cheek comfortingly. this is lottie at her core: an outpouring of affection, the kind of love that overcomes even her own doubts and setbacks. āi feel like such a wasteful asshole saying this, but umā¦ iām not really hungry anymore.ā she admits softly, her breath tickling his cheek. āwhat if you played me that song you owe me and we justā¦ sat down together for a little bit, hm?ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā charlotte drops his hands, and for a split second wes thinks that itās all over. tears are brimming in the corners of his eyes and heās nearly about to drop down to the floor just like he said he would -- but charlotte doesnāt waste a moment once she realizes that heās beginning to panic, and returns to giving him the love and affection heās always needed. he pulls her in close, wrapping his arms around her middle and burying his face in the crook of her neck. the tears finally escape and drip down his cheeks, landing in charlotteās curls and wes wishes that he could wipe them away but thereās no way heās moving with charlotte in his arms right now. the sensation of her hand caressing the back of his head, moving gently through his dark locks is a nice touch, and wes sighs, nodding his head slowly at her responses. sheāll stay. sheās not going anywhere... yet.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āthank you.ā wes whispers, hugging her a little tighter as he speaks.Ā āi promise youāll see. i promise. things will change...ā he inhales a shaky breath, still trembling a little in her arms.Ā āthey have to. they will.ā the temperature of his body drastically changes when her lips are pressed to his cheek, everything is warm. he knows this is just a comforting gesture, but part of wes wants to turn his head too, meet her in that kiss and seal that promise with his lips. but he doesnāt. he only pulls back slightly and lifts his hand from her waist for only a moment to wipe his damp cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater.
his attention is brought back to the basically untouched food on the counter, and wes cracks half a smile and nods in agreement. āyeah, i donāt think i really have that much of an appetite either.ā wes says, quickly moving to secure all of the lids back onto their sushi and store it back into the fridge for later. as soon as it looks like theyād never been eating at the kitchen island to begin with, wes washes his hands and then extends one out towards charlotte.Ā ādo you mind if i show you in my bedroom?ā he asks, nodding his head up towards the staircase.Ā āitās the only place i really feel comfortable playing my own stuff.ā and with her hand in his, wes takes her back up to his room, and with each step up wes feels himself becoming more and more nervous. performing for charlotte was not something he had expected to do today -- this day was supposed to be about her, and her music, and now heās about to be more vulnerable with her than ever before. wes has had fantasies of this moment, but those dreams heavily feature an aura of romance, and wes doesnāt really know where they stand right now.Ā five minutes ago she was kissing him, and three minutes ago she was upset with him, and now sheās sitting on his bed and heās at his keyboard and heās about to pour his heart out through his piano keys.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āso, um.ā he begins awkwardly, clearing his throat. he flips open one of his notebooks, still looking at her while he gets to the right page. he doesnāt really need it, heās played this song so many times now he could play it with his eyes closed, but he doesnāt necessarily want to show off.Ā āi wrote this one um... after the ferris wheel. like... immediately after,ā he explains, wearing an embarrassed half smile.Ā ālike as soon as autumn wasnāt paying attention i was on my phone typing up lyrics.ā wes thinks that the backstory is necessary, or at least that she might be curious -- heās dying to know when she had started composing the song theyād worked on today, though wes is pretty sure that she began writing it the night of the series premiere.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āanyway. here it goes.ā wes takes a dramatic opening pause, his fingers hovering above keys like heās debating whether or not he wants to back out at the last second. he does not let the hesitation overtake him though, because the patient, devoted, excited look on charltoteās face is enough for him to let his fingers drop and begin playing the song. wes dances across the keys, heās breezing through the opening piano solo like itās one of the classical pieces his mother has engrained in his memory, but the moment he actually has to start singing, he begins quietly, uneasily, his eyes darting from her back to the lyrics heās written on the page like heās forgotten his line. he hasnāt though, and as the lyrics approach the chorus, the confidence follows, and before wes knows it, heās belting out the words.Ā āwild like a dream, ignite my brain. my house is on fire, sheās the kerosene. donāt put me out, donāt put me out -- for her i wanna burn, burn, burn.ā his eyelids flutter shut as he continues on singing, but his fingers never once stumble over the keysĀ āset ablaze, wonāt lose this feeling. smoke in my lungs, donāt call for help -- in the ashes iāll find new meaning.āĀ
three minutes of a love song feels a lot longer when itās being performed for the very first time in front of the person itās been written about. wes canāt remember a time where he ever felt like this song would never end -- most of the time he can spend all night with his headphones on playing it over and over again, singing quietly to himself and think for a moment: maybe it needs another verse. but now that heās finally finishing up the bridge, and moving into the final chorus, wes canāt wait for it to be over already. not because the nerves have returned again, but because heās desperate to see charlotteās reaction, to finally open his eyes again and see if she loves it the way he always hoped she would. his fingers fly through the last few keys, his voice fading out along with the sound of the piano, and once he lifts his foot from the sustaining pedal and the music has ceased, wes finally looks back at charlotte and, wearing a shy smile, he asks her:Ā āso... what did you.... what do you think?ā
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Ā Ā all things said and done, telling wes the truth isnāt half as hard as charlotte thought it was going to be. she doesnāt know what she was imagining he would do, be shocked or angry with her, maybe. the idea of telling him what they did and what he said has felt so humiliating and shameful, like sheās having to ask him to want her enough to mean what he said that night. at every turn sheās been told that thereās no chance for them, that he canāt go against his mother and he canāt take a real risk for her. sheās been trying to give up hope for so long and this is just another instance of her trying to shove those pitiful feelings of want and not being good enough down inside her. of course, rather than being annoyed or questioning her or at the very worst, not believing her, he just looks sad. wes refutes the way she narrows it all down to something miniscule, a drunken night to forget. pursing her lips, she shakes her head, feeling bad that he seems so upset by the fact that he hasnāt necessarily stuck to his word. āwes, you didnāt rememberā¦ā she reminds him softly. āitās okay.ā
Ā Ā her lips lift in a slight smile, her head beginning to nod in agreement. she canāt give him a real yes, because she knows today is a fluke. a one off chance at time together, not necessarily something he purposely carved out, at least not as far as she can tell. and while sheās glad that heās giving her this day and doing this song for her, she feels terrified to latch onto any gesture. shooting a sideways glance at the food, her mouth opens and then she shuts it. āitās fine.ā she reaches out, taking her own piece from the roll she recognises as that one he got her to try but she doesnāt eat it, just places it on a secondary plate in front of her, gnawing on her bottom lop until he speaks again.
Ā Ā as wes begins to apologise she looks up at him, feeling a strange buzzing in her body. she feels like theyāre so stuck, rigidly in places across from each other. sheās frustrated, hearing about autumn, about the contract. sheāll never understand the appeal of pr dating these days, but she has the wicked thought that autumn doesnāt want a real boyfriend but rather a puppet to lug around and do as she says. itās just not fair, that heās so controlled by a stupid contract that he canāt even utter a word to her. it doesnāt compute in her brain, because he means so much to him that she risks everything including her weak heart by being around him all the fucking time. āi justā¦ā sheās staring at a spot on the floor, her chest beginning to rise and fall more rapidly. there are so many things she wants to tell him, things she wants to yell at him and in some ways it feels like talking to someone completely irrational. her fingers start to tingle and she finds herself staring at his shirt, itching to do something she definitely shouldnāt. and she wonāt do it. she canāt justā¦ she has to maintain some level of self control.
Ā Ā then again, where has that gotten her?
Ā Ā lottie half rises out of her seat, hand reaching out to grasp his shirt right in the centre of his chest. her fingers are wrapped in the fabric, her eyes burning as she half tugs him forward and half meets him in the middle. her mouth is awkward and heated at first, meeting his with an impulsive need. she should have asked, she knows it and yet sheās not exactly thinking clear enough and even if he said yes sheās not sure she would have done it. kissing him is intoxicating, but as she tilts her head and deepens the kiss, letting herself get carried away in the moment, the anger seems to take over. her hand flattens against his chest, moving up towards his shoulder and she shoves him back with two hands. shaky breathes leave her as she stares at him and the look on her face is some mix of ashamed and bitter. lottie licks her lips, looking away. āyou make me feel crazy.ā she exhales, eyes shutting for a moment. she has to force herself not to look at him. āiām still here in your orbit, every time i try to stop iām drawn back here waiting for things to change and they just donāt. a contract doesnāt feel like enough for me, it doesnāt feel like enough now and it didnāt then, not to explain the way things went. no one would have ever known anything. they have no idea what i know, what emilia knows.ā she stands up now, pacing away from him, her hands running through her hair in frustration before she turns away. her heart tightens in her chest, the words spilling out though she doesnāt mean for them to. āi would pick you over everything. do you understand that?ā her throat burns with the need to cry that sheās so determined to fight off. thereās enough distance between them that she wonāt close it again. her arms cross over her chest and she takes another half a step back. āi feel like i should go. iām gonna go. i haveā¦ a flight i have barely packed for.ā she laughs humourlessly. āthank you for the song, wes. i mean it, but i justā¦ need to get out of here.ā the composition notebook goes abandoned, as do the pictures, sheās too busy on getting the hell out of there after her outburst. Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā itās hard to gauge charlotteās reaction from his explanation of the contract. obviously sheās known for some time now that the autumn and wes relationship is a sham, but now he hopes that she understands that thereās more weight to it than just a pr stunt -- there are rules and expectations heās required to follow that could hypothetically ruin everything heās made for himself if he were to go go against them. wes doesnāt elaborate the rules, or how seriously they could affect him -- but charlotte hasnāt exactly asked. in fact, she hasnāt really said anything, and her silence is starting to worry him.Ā
closely, wes studies her, and eyebrows pin together in confusion as it appears sheās hyper focusing on something on his shirt. he peers down, afraid maybe heās spilled soy sauce on it, but as heās looking up again charlotteās hand is reaching out to grasp the fabric. his mouth drops open in surprise as her fingers graze his chest and she takes hold of him, pulling him out of his seat and thrusting him into a heated kiss that he was not expecting whatsoever. despite the sudden start his hands find their place on her hips and wes holds on tight. melting, thatās what it feels like. his whole body is on fire, and the source is her hand on his chest. wes doesnāt know what this means for them, but heās sure it has to be a good thing, because the heat is so undeniable -- the passion, the love the fucking devotion. he feels all of it coursing through him with her lips crushed against his. every second longer it goes on his heart soars... until it abruptly ends with her hands pushing hard on his chest and suddenly it doesnāt feel like it is a good thing after all.Ā
wes is lost in a haze of bewilderment as he stumbles back slightly, grabbing the counter for stability. heās struggling to speak, still stuck in that kiss they were so deep in a moment ago and wes opens his mouth to ask why sheās stoppedĀ but charlotte hasnāt even given him a second to take a proper breath before she starts going in on him. frozen, he looks anywhere but at her. itās so funny the way things were so hot just a second ago and now wes is ice cold, unable to move as charlotte makes it clear that his excuses are not enough. for a moment he wonders if heās in a nightmare, because he never imagined that opening up to charlotte like this would result in her not immediately understanding and accepting him with open arms. words just wont come to him, and he tries to take a step forward but itās like his feet are glued to the floor and all he can do is stare at her like heās a puppy being scolded for jumping on the bed. that is until she decides that sheās going to leave, and wes is instantly snapping out of it because heās prepared to do anything to stop her.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā ācharlotte -- no, please.ā wes pleads, following after her and reaching out to take her hand. he holds it tight, but softly, unwilling to let it go and have this be the end of their first day alone together.Ā āplease, please donāt go. please, i-i...ā he stammers, heart racing, unsure of what he has to offer other than apologies and honesty.Ā āi know iām a coward. iām pathetic and itās embarrassing the way i canāt stand up for myself when my mother makes me do something i donāt want to. iām an adult who should have his shit together and i donāt -- because iām scared. and iām not trying to say this to make you feel bad for me, i just want you to know that i know... and i really am working on it, iām trying. i know you canāt see it but i am.ā even if working on it means in his head and not actually practicing it in real life yet. heās getting there though, working up the courage to defend himself when it counts, and one day he really will put it into action. wes is a little nervous that sheāll pull away at this move, but he tries anyway and reaches to take her other hand, holding them both like they are his only lifeline. āand if it werenāt for you charlotte, i never wouldāve wanted to try. i wouldāve kept living on like this, miserable and mean and untrusting until iād burn out or go fucking crazy or something...ā he shakes his head, his gaze falling to the floor. āand i donāt want that to be me anymore. i want self respect... and i want to be happy and... and...ā it feels like this speech is not going to be enough, and as wes looks back up to her and their eyes meet, he thinks he might just break down crying if she doesnāt accept him for the mess that he is.Ā āand i want you, charlotte. more than anything iāve ever wanted in my entire life. i promise that youāre all want -- the only thing i want to pick. iām just scared... and i need...ā he sighs, hating the next words that are about to come out of his mouth: āmore time...ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ājust please, please donāt go. iāll tell you anything youāve ever wanted to know -- anything, iāll play you every single song iāve ever written for you. please, charlotte, iāll get down on my knees and beg if i have to!ā he cries, his legs quivering a bit like heās about to fall to the floor and do as he promised he would. āplease stay. this canāt be how our day ends.āĀ
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Ā Ā as he directs her attention to the staircase, she perks up, nodding eagerly. āitāll probably make less mess that way.ā she jokes, somewhat awkwardly and then lifts up from the couch, pushing her hair back off her shoulders. she keeps accidentally oscillating from one end of the spectrum to the other, uncertain and then suddenly perfectly sincere. thereās no real explanation for it, maybe the impending doom of six long months without seeing one another is slowly turning the screw in her. maybe sheās been one stop away from crazy for a while, or maybe that unsaid between them actually needs acknowledgment before they can accept parting until they come back for season two. though, accepting is a strong word. it may be closer to begrudgingly giving up or in. itās times like this she almost wishes she didnāt have to deal with any of it at all. āsounds perfect.ā with that, sheās gone from him, meeting his gaze one last time before sheās going up the stairs, disappearing in the direction sheās pretty sure is where the dining room was when she got her little tour of the place. once again her gaze is met with the almost blinding, brilliant whiteness of the whole house. it really does look like an ad for cleaning products and she wonders quietly how hard his mother must work their cleaners, considering how hard she works her son.
Ā Ā pulling out a chair, she stands there for a moment, eyes scanning over the spread of food. admittedly, she doesnāt really know what sheās looking at or if she should start without him. lifting her pair of chopsticks, she glances over at the direction she came from and figures he wouldnāt expect her to wait, though sheās sure heād like to introduce her to some of the stranger looking items scattered across the table. lottie selects something pink which looks like the safest bet for tuna and groans approvingly when it seems to almost melt in her mouth. lifting up her phone, she sees a chain of emails she has to tend to and focuses in, losing track of time as she types out replies, including one to her mother who has sent her a detailed account of her great aunt bellyās ninetieth birthday party which sheās not so sad to not have attended upon reading about how grumpy the old woman was the entire party.
Ā Ā by the time she hears footsteps again, sheās placing her phone down on the table face down, figuring sheāll want to focus on her time lest with wes. what sheās not expecting is for him to look so dejected as he approaches the table with something in his hand. at first it doesnāt quite register what heās holding, nor what heās talking about. āwhat?ā she blinks and then suddenly the photobooth pictures from her birthday are on the table in front of her and she stares down at them for a moment, eyes wide. āiā¦ā she almost lets some ill timed, inappropriate joke go about how they havenāt aided his memory about the night, but instead she stays tight lipped, looking from the photographs up to wes as he sits down. her heart sinks hearing him ask her to tell him and she rethinks every choice sheās made since, although she canāt truly imagine telling him the things he said and he did. a breath leaves her, eyes shutting for just a second before she places her hand on the table, fingers brushing the bottom of the photobooth strip. āyou have to understand that i donāt remember all of it, either, butā¦ you were drunker than i was, i think. not as bad as autumn, unless you ended up throwing up later, butā¦ā sheās having flashes of memories, of the two of them at the bar and the impulsive decision on both their parts to keep drinking and see where it leaves them. āthings got out of hand. neither of us was thinking straight, honestly. yāknow you might remember taking that shot and slipping away? or maybe not. we were hiding from autumn and emilia like children.ā she smiles ruefully.
Ā Ā āit was likeā¦ the alcohol made it all easier, ignoring the responsibilities and the rules. you were so happy, flirting with me, hiding in that hallway, you gave me my gift and then i guess i was asking you about what my birthday would be like if we could um,ā she shakes her head, feeling silly as she says it now that sheās stone cold sober. ābe together. and you kissed me, or maybe i kissed you. that part isnāt exactly clear.ā she decidedly skips the part where he said something about dropping to his knees for her. āyou were so confident, telling me things i didnāt expect you to, doing whatever you wanted. i donāt really know who was following whose lead at that point. i think i suggested the photobooth. i think i wanted proof that the night was actually happening.ā the more lottie explains, the bigger hit her appetite takes. her stomach is turning with every word she says, two warring ideas fighting in her head. the whole truth or a truth that wonāt change everything?
Ā Ā Ā āright after those photos were taken was when emilia found us. she kind of yelled at us about it all, wellā¦ mostly you, which was somehow worse than her yelling at me. honestly, most of this had to be confirmed by emilia so i knew i didnāt hallucinate it because somehow you donāt remember a word you said, but you yelled back.ā theyāve reached the crux of the night, the thing worse than just playing at foolish, adorable fun together, but the thing that he admitted to emilia. the thing that changed her friendsā perspectives on him in more ways than one. āyou said that autumn wasnāt your girlfriend, which was confusing at first, for herā¦ and then you just kind of said that i was important to you and that you were going to āget your shit togetherā.ā somehow she canāt bring herself to mention the line about standing up to his mother or to really go into detail about what he said about her. it feels like bragging, even if itās the truth and even if a sober wes might agree with it. ādrunk promises, yāknow?ā lottie smiles, but it doesnāt even almost reach her mournful eyes, threatening to grow watery as she thinks about the fact that despite however true his words felt in that moment, in his sober actions heās continued to be as dutiful as possible, except for today. today is the first time sheās seen a glimpse of her wes once again in a while and itās going to be taken from her far too soon. āiām really sorry i didnāt tell you, wes. honestly. i guess i just didnāt want to screw everything up, since you didnāt remember. i didnāt want to hang all these expectations on you or anything. really though, hearing all of it aloud like this, itās not even that big a deal.ā she begins, brows furrowing as she stares at nothing in particular. āitās the same thing weāve been doing, just with some picturesā¦ and i promise emilia hasnāt told anyone except for jack, but you know theyāre a package deal.ā
Ā Ā some part of her is tensing, preparing for him to be angry at her about all of this, which is why her hands have found their way to her lap where they clench together, her thumb rubbing against the back of her hand. āi hope you get now why i tried to just make this a friendship. unfortunately i just think weāre really horrible at it.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā wes braces himself as charlotte begins to recant the night of her birthday. heās prepared for her to tell him that he did something wildly inappropriate, something so unhinged that it will explain why the sneaking around, as minimal as it had become, has ceased. but as she tells the story, wes canāt seem to figure out what exactly he did that wouldāve been so bad. at first it sounds like theyāre having a wonderful time, almost like itās something out of a dream heās had... but as she goes on, wes is starting to put the pieces together of what exactly sent their night on a downward spiral. when she explains that he yelled back, wes shifts awkwardly in his seat, straightening up a little, embarrassed with his actions. at first heās worried that heād said something horrible to emilia -- that seems like something that would make charlotte want to take a step back, but... no. apparently wes has violated his contract -- it feels weird at first to find out, but more thrilling than anything to learn that itās been weeks since charlotteās birthday and after revealing that autumn is not in fact his girlfriend the topic has yet to start trending on twitter. wes has gotten away with it, the whole opening up thing. part of him wants to keep doing it, tell charlotte every secret heās not supposed to spill and see how far he can push it. but heās too distracted by the next thing charlotte says to try and up the ante.
drunk promises... he sees the cheerless smile sheās putting on and wes looks down at his hands in his lap, balled up in fists in preparation to continue his bad habit, but he doesnāt. not with charlotte here, not when autumn has told him how weird it is. he feels like he needs to say something, like charlotte has been talking for too long and he needs to contribute an apology or whatever, but he remains silent -- lost in his thoughts. he wishes he could remember the night, even if it was at the same level that charlotte does. he wants to be able to close his eyes and picture the two of them in the photobooth -- see the look on her face when she opened her present. heās cursing at himself in his head, frustrated and disappointed in himself and pissed off that his mother has been right about the four drink limit all along. five and heāll black out, five and heāll spill precious nichols secrets -- five and he might actually have a good time.Ā āit is... kind of a big deal.ā wes says softly, finally saying something. he lifts his shoulders for half a shrug, unable to meet her gaze.Ā āi said i was gonna get my shit together and i...ā shaking his head, wes looks to the array of food heās purchased for them, irritated with himself that he brought this up when he knows how hungry charlotte must be.Ā āi havenāt even... sort of shown you that i mean that.āĀ
but does wes even have it in him to prove it? itās a question heās struggling to answer with himself now that he knows he had promised charlotte. he wants to -- absolutely wants to, being with charlotte is the only real thing that ever consumes his mind. but the sheer concept of changing, of rebelling seems like itās both within arms reach and miles and miles away. it only feels so close now because sheās so close right now. the moment charlotte leaves tonight it will go right back to feeling impossible again.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āi mean, we did pretty good today, didnāt we?ā even though they still have his song to get through, which could ultimately change things completely. nonetheless, he laughs a little at the fact that that they really are horrible at it.Ā ābut really though... iām not upset that you didnāt tell me. or that emilia and jack know. if you trust them, i trust them.ā he tells her honestly, his lips curling into a half smile. āi just appreciate that youāre telling me now.ā his eyes shift to her hands in her lap, and wes has an intense urge to take her one of them in his, and he even lifts his own out of his lap to do so, but he stops himself. aimlessly in the air it hangs for a second before he points at the food in front of them.Ā āsorry, i... really didnāt mean to keep us from eating. you can totally dig in if you want.ā he offers, reaching forward to grab one for himself as if to signal to charlotte that he wouldnāt be upset if she did the same. but he watches her for a second as he picks up a piece from the futomaki roll, the first type of sushi they ever shared together, worried that maybe sheāll be a little disappointed about the way heās so quick to drop the topic. so wes decides that he wonāt just drop it -- if he was able to get away with opening up while he was drunk and nobody spread the gossip, it shouldĀ be even easier to do when itās just the two of them.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āiām uh... sorry that it took me being drunk to tell you the truth about autumn.ā wes says, picking up a another piece from a different roll and placing it on the small plate in front of him.Ā āif iām being completely honest with you, iām under contract to not say anything and i...ā he sighs, shaking his head.Ā āi really canāt risk anything going wrong with that. iāve wanted to tell you from the moment i was forced to sign it. fuck, i wanted to tell you about how the original relationship with her was a sham -- and i was going to! i had it all planned out if you ever asked, and then she...ā frowning, wes picks up a piece from his plate and before he pops it in his mouth he says:Ā āthen she just fucking showed up. and ruined everything.ā
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