virtual-garden - Tumblr blog

[virtual-garden]

Today was better.

I freaked out after purging yesterday (my first purge ever) so I restricted today. Finally back to restricting. At last.

Today's food: two small apples and a bit of pho broth. And warm milk before bed for comfort.

I wrote some kind of safety plans/step-by-step guides to follow when I'm overwhelmed: one for binging to prevent it, and what to do and NOT do if it happens, and one to prevent purging.

If I have energy i'll write it all pretty and share it here but right now I'm drained. Rn I'm just happy the day is over and happy i didn't go above 500 cals.

Hopefully tomorrow i can restrict the same. I got so scared yesterday, I'm still in my emotions from what happened but it's also a lesson i think. I hope i can carry this hopeful spirit with me now. ♡

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online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.

and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.

there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.

i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.

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I purged after a binge yesterday. It's the first time in my life i do this. I'm so scared, am I going to spiral down further and make my teeth rot?? Is it the beginning of something even scarier?? I'm so confused and scared, purging is so dangerous I'm so scared I'll do it again now. My partner didn't even notice, I was so quiet and I felt like I couldn't stop... I kept making myself puke and puke and I had a moment of lucidity and I was like "wtf stop" but I could have kept going. What's going on?? I'm so scared...

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Idk i need to be triggered back into restricting wtf were these recent binges & maintenance wtfff i feel gross but also i can't stop eating shit... Please send me your favourite triggering youtube videos i need to restrict again i can't bear being a piggy anymore

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Been binging for 3 days straight. I'm not ok.

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big masterlist of ed media

- (i found this on another site and figured some of u wld like new triggering things to watch) -

~ movies where ED’s are the focus

Criminally Insane [Crazy Fat Ethel] (1975)

The Best Little Girl In The World (1981)

Kate's Secret (1986)

The Brief Life Of Catherine (1988)

The Secret Life Of Mary Margaret (1992)

For the Love of Nancy (1994)

Danse avec la vie [Dance With Life] (1995) - French

Dying to be Perfect (1996)

When Friendship Kills [A Secret Between Friends] (1996)

Hunger - Sehnsucht nach Liebe [Hunger - Addicted To Love] (1997) - German

Perfect Body (1997)

Schlank bis in den Tod [Slim Until Death] (1997) - German

Sharing the Secret (2000)

Dying To Dance (2001)

Hunger Point (2003)

Maybe (2003)

Primo Amore [First Love] (2004) - Italian

Briciole (2005) - Italian

Malos Habiticos [Bad Habits] (2007) - Spanish

DISFigured (2008)

The Solitude of Prime Numbers (2010) - Italian

Maledimiele (2011) - Italian

Just Ate (2012)

Delicious (2013)

Starving In Suburbia [Thinspiration] (2014)

Veiled Reality (2014)

My Skinny Sister (2015)

Abzurdah (2015) - Spanish

Crazy Fat Ethel (2016) - Criminally Insane (1975) remake

Little Miss Perfect (2016)

The Wasting (2017)

Feed (2017)

To The Bone (2017)

May I Be At Peace (2018)

Taste Of Emptiness (2018) - Japanese

Body Of Water (2020)

Swallow (2020) - about Pica

Parachute (2023)

Dying In Plain Sight (2024)

TV Shows with ED(s), eating habits, dieting and weight loss as the main focus:

Overshadowed

Binge

Supersize Vs Superskinny

What's Eating You

Starved

Freaky Eaters

Fat Families

Secret Eaters

Starving Secrets

My 600lb Life

My Mad Fat Diary

My Big Fat Diet Show

Biggest Loser

Supersize Vs Superskinny Kids

Too Fat For 15

My Diet Is Better Than Yours

Heavy

I Used To Be Fat

Diet Tribe

Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition / Extreme Weight Loss

Celebrity Fit Club

Dance Your Ass Off

Fat March

Shedding For The Wedding

It's Your Fault I'm Fat

Cook Yourself Thin

Diets That Time Forgot

Family Secrets

Superskinny Me

Superslim Me

The truth about size zero

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Everyone I loved left me to rot

Now they think that I've forgot

But while I was so d@mn alone

Someone found my heart their home

She's beautiful and sharp and bony

And with her, I'm never lonely

She holds my hand and leads me true

Not on the path you wanted

But where were you?

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Hello,

A little while ago, I suddenly had this realization.

If I truly want to be thin, if I truly want to be pretty, this isn't a diet.

This is a lifestyle.

Gone are the days when I resign myself to starting tomorrow.

I am starting strict rules and habits. Hell, this is my new religion.

I will be thin, I will be beautiful, and I will be devoted.

I have never, in my life, committed to anything.

But now, I am determined.

If being delusional will make me thin, I'll take it.

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PLEASE drop the stretch mark routine 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

❦𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕤/𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕤𝕜𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕚𝕡𝕤❦ ੈ✩‧₊˚LOOSE SKIN ༊*·˚

Derma-rolling~

You can find derma-rollers on amazon! basically all u do is apply vitamin C serum to the targeted area, use the derma-roller and roll it all over the area for about a minute, apply more vitamin C serum and repeat once every two weeks! this promotes collagen and tightens the skin but DO NOT DO THIS EVERYDAY u need to make sure u give ur skin time to heal! i highly recommend this, it takes a few months to start seeing a difference!

B-flat~

So this is a little more on the pricey side. basically what it is, is a cream that u apply to the targeted area and u will feel a burning, tingly feeling which only lasts a few minutes! u apply twice a day for best results and it will tighten your skin and also reduce stretch marks!

Supplements~

I suggest taking collagen supplements while doing these things! u can get it in powder/pill/gummy form! i use the powder in my smoothies :)

Excercise~

There are different workouts u can do to reduce the appearance of ur loose skin by building muscle and leaning out to fill where ur loose skin is! ੈ✩‧₊˚STRETCH MARKS ༊*·˚

Oils~

Coconut oil: THIS is what originally faded my stretch marks and i used to have deep purple stretch marks. i massaged it into my stretch marks every day after i showered and after a few months they were pretty much gone!

Massage oils: u can find different massage oils on amazon for cellulite and stretch marks i use the M3 NATURALS anti-cellulite massage oil and i put it on everyday after my showers and it smells summery!

Vitamin E oil: u can mix this with the coconut oil!! vitamin E is known for anti-aging and its very moisturizing!

Vitamin C oil: u can also mix this with the coconut oil! i personally believe vitamin C is the most effective along with the coconut oil!

Bio-oil: im sure you’ve heard of this one, many women use this during/after pregnancy! this is very effective as well, i definitely recommend this!

Lotions~

Palmers cocoa butter formula: this stuff is super affordable on amazon, and it works AMAZING!

Any other lotion: u can really use any lotion as long as it’s moisturizing! its super important to keep your skin moisturized!!

🦄 these are all things i have used over the past 2 years, if u want any brand recommendations i have a ton of those too and feel free to comment any other tips yk! 🦄

[virtual-garden]

"ugh but it's going to takes so long!”

that time will pass regardless.

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some little things that i look forward to with wl!

-finally being able to see my abs

-my hands being skinny and not looking stubby

-looking cute with messy hair and oversized clothes

-being able to be carried

-not having to worry about my double chin

-my facial features coming together and finally looking pretty

-looking cute in crop tops/tank tops

-smaller cup size

-my issues being taken seriously

-not feeling embarrassed while eating

-thigh gap <3

-my muscles being more defined (i weight lift)

-not feeling huge in form-fitting clothes

-pretty privilege

-being smaller than whoever im dating

-to look pretty and floaty in dresses

-for pants to fall off my hips

-to finally feel worthy of love

-to turn heads when i walk in the room

-to go from loud and annoying to cute and outgoing

-for people to ask if i've eaten today and not just assume i have

-to feel cold

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I keep going from high highs to low lows... One day i'll be like "i'm so blessed to have my partner in my life" and the next day i'll be like "oh shit we will have to breakup it's not working".

One day i'll eat nothing and feel like god and the next day i'll binge like a pig and cry over it. Why is my mood like this??

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List of vitamins and minerals that help you lose weight

1. **Calcium**: Helps in maintaining optimal body weight by regulating fat metabolism and reducing fat absorption. It also plays a role in appetite control.

2. **Vitamin D**: Aids in weight management by influencing the storage and release of fat, and it may also help in reducing appetite.

3. **Magnesium**: Regulates blood sugar levels, which can help control cravings and hunger, thus supporting weight loss efforts.

4. **Iron**: Essential for carrying oxygen to cells, aiding in energy production and metabolism. Proper oxygenation helps in burning fat efficiently.

5. **Vitamin B12**: Assists in converting food into energy, which can help in burning calories and maintaining a healthy metabolism.

6. **Vitamin C**: Supports the synthesis of carnitine, a compound involved in the transport of fatty acids into the mitochondria for energy production. Additionally, it aids in reducing oxidative stress during exercise, potentially enhancing weight loss.

7. **Zinc**: Essential for the proper functioning of hormones involved in metabolism and appetite regulation.

8. **Chromium**: Helps in stabilizing blood sugar levels, reducing cravings, and regulating appetite, thereby supporting weight loss efforts.

[virtual-garden]

Hey there, I'm feeling so much better today and I have a lot more mental clarity.

I weighed myself this morning and the weight is finally coming off. I'm so relieved.

I asked my partner to stop buying muffins. They would buy them once or twice a week but I can never control myself around them. They agreed. I told them "you can buy muffins for yourself, but hide them and don't let me know they're in our home or else I will 100% eat one", and they laughed and agreed.

I think they started noticing that I was seriously distressed by my recent weight gain after travelling to my home country, so now I have a little bit of slack to ✩rve. I'm glad I'm not buying food i used to binge on anymore (last year I binged so often on peanut butter & cereals it was really bad... Now I don't buy that anymore and it's such a mental relief tbh).

I saw a very interesting video recently titled "willpower is for losers" and it was extremely insightful and helpful. Basically, now that I don't buy binge food anymore, I don't have to constantly battle with my brain saying "i want the food... Come on..." And me saying "no i shouldn't". It helps with gaining mental clarity and lets you have space for other thoughts than food-related stuff.

I walked a lot today. I enjoyed the sun. And tonight, it's avocado and salad so I'm happy because it's so yummy!

Today went well and I'm feeling better. Thank you for reading. ♡

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i'm dead serious i'm thinking about breaking up with my partner because they won't let me starve and they feed me a lot, i'm reaching a breaking point i can't stand myself anymore i can't stand having to compromise on home decor and food with them.

i want to be able to decorate my apartment how i want and starve to my heart's content and focus on work, sleep, starve, friends & repeat.

They're so kind i don't deserve them, they support me through my illnesses and trauma but i don't want that anymore i hate myself so much i want to be alone.