vivianzane

[vivianzane]

Something I want white trans & intersex people to know is that trans and intersex people of color are not held to gender norms in the same way that white trans & intersex people are, because our race is treated as a sex characteristic. By existing as POC, we are gendered a certain way by race before anything else.

Race is gendered, and gender is raced. (Ruby Hamad, White Tears/Brown Scars)

"Man" and "Woman" are defined by whiteness. Concepts of passing, stealth, and gender presentation will look different if you are not white, and for many of us "being stealth" or "passing" is not something we have access to because of the racist expectations of gender we are held to; we could present extremely stereotypically feminine or masculine and will still have our sex permanently under suspicion because of our race. POC are hypermasculinized, hyperfeminized, hypersexualized, and emasculated.

Black & brown POC are seen as "sexually ambiguous" and masculine by default, which often overrides any other presentation of gender or features that white trans people may utilize to their advantage in order to pass or stealth. This is also the reason why white intersex babies are operated on more frequently than black & brown intersex babies - We are seen as inherently "sexually ambiguous", however a white baby's whiteness must be reaffirmed by its non-ambiguous sex. (Celeste E. Orr, Cripping Intersex)

I'm so tired of watching white trans & intersex people have debates over passing privilege and who is "CTF/CTM" intersex and what it means to be raised or socialized into a certain gender role and who is excluded enough from whatever gender to be able to claim transfemininity/transmasculinity and who experiences what kind of transphobia at what point in their transition. I am so tired of all the "stealth" and "passing" tips that aren't about how to stealth/pass as a man or woman, but about how to stealth/pass as a white man or woman. I'm so tired of all of the discussion around the differences in how men and women are treated under patriarchy (and, by extension, how trans men & women are treated) being specifically centered around the differences in being a white man vs. being a white woman.

I am excluded from womanhood (and, honestly, manhood as well) because I am a intersex and trans woman, yes, but even before that, I am excluded because I am brown.

Even if I were cis, perisex, thin, and able-bodied, I would be excluded because I am brown.

I am not a white man or a white woman, and therefore I am not regarded as a man or a woman at all. The ways in which I am treated, the ways in which I navigate gender, the ways in which I may or may not ever "pass" or have the option to "stealth", will look different because I am not white.

[vivianzane]

Knowing that trans women of color started the movement in the united states and were literally immediately erased and excluded from what they started is the most deeply jading knowledge.

It is the original sin of the so-called queer community and it damns it from the cradle.

[vivianzane]

Thank you so much! I'll check them out ASAP!

I almost never post my own stuff here because I never feel like I have thaaaat much worth putting out into the world for others to scrutinize, but I need to fuckin' vent about this.

So I'm doing studies into mental health conditions for a novel I'm working on, right? And you know, while looking into conditions like BPD or DID, I've found that there may be a stigma against them you can tell from the articles themselves, you can actually find online resources for how to cope with them. Never had an issue for attachment disorders. I haven't dug into all conditions yet, but for the ones I've seen, their stigma doesn't make it an utter nightmare to seek help.

Not for NPD tho, apparently!!!

I try my hardest to search up a simple thing: "how to heal as a narcissist". I search it up a thousand ways. Eventually, I start getting more obtuse with my searches, like "what does it take to heal from narcissism" or "how to push past narcissism" and other obtuse and weird ways of searching. I start getting petty and search stuff like "can you give me anything about coping with npd" and shit like that.

You literally cannot search up anything about narcissists without it being a hit piece.

That sentence was another search result, by the way, and although the fourth result on DuckDuckGo confronts the myths about NPD folks being the fuckin' devil incarnate... the first three were treating them like they were exactly that.

The more successful ones I tried were "how to handle npd as someone diagnosed with it" and "how to deal with your own narcissism". These still had smarmy articles poisoning the search results, but at least some articles were on the right track of self-help. Even so, I found only one that was on a commonly used website (Psychology Today, written by Elinor Greenburg, Ph.D).

Like, I get it, right? NPD is a rough condition, and it's one that many people struggle to identify on their own.

But like, it's still a mental health condition people struggle with and suffer through. Why the actual fuck can't I find a single damn thing that simply says "Hey, are you a narcissist? Here's how to recover!"

I feel really sorry for everyone who suffers with this condition, because honestly, it seems so browbeating. I was about to type "you'd have to get professional help just to get the resources you need to improve", but like... if I were a narcissist looking for answers to cope with my condition, and this is the common consensus online, I'd be more than a little worried about what the doc would say. Would you get the resources? It's probably a better chance, but the risk is there, and I can see why folks are intimidated by the prospect.

This is all my experience of course, but damn... That's a tragedy, frens. You all deserve better.

[vivianzane]

I almost never post my own stuff here because I never feel like I have thaaaat much worth putting out into the world for others to scrutinize, but I need to fuckin' vent about this.

So I'm doing studies into mental health conditions for a novel I'm working on, right? And you know, while looking into conditions like BPD or DID, I've found that there may be a stigma against them you can tell from the articles themselves, you can actually find online resources for how to cope with them. Never had an issue for attachment disorders. I haven't dug into all conditions yet, but for the ones I've seen, their stigma doesn't make it an utter nightmare to seek help.

Not for NPD tho, apparently!!!

I try my hardest to search up a simple thing: "how to heal as a narcissist". I search it up a thousand ways. Eventually, I start getting more obtuse with my searches, like "what does it take to heal from narcissism" or "how to push past narcissism" and other obtuse and weird ways of searching. I start getting petty and search stuff like "can you give me anything about coping with npd" and shit like that.

You literally cannot search up anything about narcissists without it being a hit piece.

That sentence was another search result, by the way, and although the fourth result on DuckDuckGo confronts the myths about NPD folks being the fuckin' devil incarnate... the first three were treating them like they were exactly that.

The more successful ones I tried were "how to handle npd as someone diagnosed with it" and "how to deal with your own narcissism". These still had smarmy articles poisoning the search results, but at least some articles were on the right track of self-help. Even so, I found only one that was on a commonly used website (Psychology Today, written by Elinor Greenburg, Ph.D).

Like, I get it, right? NPD is a rough condition, and it's one that many people struggle to identify on their own.

But like, it's still a mental health condition people struggle with and suffer through. Why the actual fuck can't I find a single damn thing that simply says "Hey, are you a narcissist? Here's how to recover!"

I feel really sorry for everyone who suffers with this condition, because honestly, it seems so browbeating. I was about to type "you'd have to get professional help just to get the resources you need to improve", but like... if I were a narcissist looking for answers to cope with my condition, and this is the common consensus online, I'd be more than a little worried about what the doc would say. Would you get the resources? It's probably a better chance, but the risk is there, and I can see why folks are intimidated by the prospect.

This is all my experience of course, but damn... That's a tragedy, frens. You all deserve better.

[vivianzane]

so i just got yelled at by my mother to "get out of [her] house". and scolded for every single little thing i do, even shit i dont do. and my sister is lying about me to our parents. so uhh

help if you can i guess.

not if youre one of my friends tho i cant let yall do that.

[vivianzane]

If you’re european and can vote please sign!

In any case, share as much as you can

[vivianzane]

idk if i told the full story on here but i signed up for a research study where they were testing a new opioid, and it was supposed to be up to 5 injections increasing the dose to see what people could tolerate

i got the first dose and almost immediately fainted. they had to call in a whole medical team and it was a huge fucking deal

i was kicked out of the study and got a phone call later where they were supposed to tell me what the drug was, so i could avoid it in the future. they told me it was saline water. a placebo. i fainted from the placebo effect.

anyway, it's been a few months and i just got an email from the same department asking me to be a research participant in a new study: testing the effects of open-label placebo.

open label placebo is when the subjects and the researchers all know it's a placebo. they're testing the power of my mind. my power to imagine anything.

i like to think that they chose me for this specifically based on their past experience with me. "get the guy who fainted like a little bitch boy from saline water." anyway i just submitted all my info and i'm looking forward to getting started.

[vivianzane]

I figured you gays like knives you you'll love this

[vivianzane]

so can we start hunting down white liberals now or what

[vivianzane]

[vivianzane]

my rouge & shadow gijinkas serving face

[vivianzane]

Important post

I was getting suspicions but now I'm very 100% sure that most of this website's userbase hates Palestinians and not passively. I'm now fully 100% comprehending that the vast majority of this website's userbase passes by any mention of Palestinians and seethes to their core and the only reason little of it came out was because you thought there might be social repercussions for attacking Palestinians in our time of need. All it took was an easily debunkable false accusation to get people to attack people undergoing genocide as well as a genocide survivor, and now he's been stopped from doing the work he has spent months doing. I will not allow this experience to go undocumented or forgotten. Those who partook in the harassment know what they've done and the unspeakable repurcussions of it. I expected this honestly, because that is exactly what happened to BLM and other Black rights activists since 2014; a cycle of unbelievable praise before horrendous abuse and harassment once they stopped being deified. I also saw the way people treated Moataz Azaiza after he evacuated Ghazzah, and expected the same to happen to Ahmed, who also survived unspeakable things for months in an accelerated genocide, and got harassed and attacked by the THOUSANDS on tumblr after this harassment campaign was put out. I will not forgive any one involved, especially not for what they've done to Ahmed.

Here's a collection of links to posts about the issue in the past couple of days, in chronological order I think. And under the cut will be screenshots of the initial post that I saw that brought this to my attention.

[Post 1] [Post 2] [Post 3] [Post 4] [Post 5]

[Post 6] [Post 7] [Post 8] [Post 9] [Post 10]

[Post 11] [Post 12] Edit: forgot one [Post 13].

These links are absolutely non-exhaustive and there's more shit these people have said that I don't have the patience to go collect and link here.

Honorable mention for white victim-playing after leading a hate-campaign against Palestinians surviving genocide:

[vivianzane]

By the way, if you post about being a trans ally, but only ever talk about trans femmes and trans women, we notice. If you never include trans men in your activism, we notice. If you imply trans men don't "need" your help and activism like trans women, we notice. You either care about all trans people, or you don't actually care about trans people.

[vivianzane]

it was not on wheat...

[vivianzane]

Hi. You may be reading this at work, at home, or with loved ones. Meanwhile, I’m writing these words after being forced to flee my home under heavy bombing—just to survive.

I didn’t leave for a better life, only for a chance to stay alive. Now I’m living with fear, hunger, and thirst. Our life here is beyond words—it must be lived to be understood.

If you can donate, please do. If not, just share this message. Maybe it will reach someone who can help. Even a small act can bring hope.

@ezrazone @determinate-negation @tamamita