voidtalkerr

[voidtalkerr]

oh to be a decently likeable character in somebody else's story who is the last major death before the main antagonist's.

It's what I strive for.

[voidtalkerr]

I have proven unable to draw cool skies and landscapes with no references as of yet. I am not skilled enough.

I heard you can get better at art by tracing, but I don't want to rip off other people's art, so this presents an interesting problem.

I know what to do.

I'm going out in the field. I live in an area with a lot of visible sky. No mountains, barely any hills, and not very many trees. I have taken several photos of beautiful skies over farmland and in town. I'm gonna start tracing my own photos, and also taking new ones :)

[voidtalkerr]

not sure how this happened.

I clicked on one very safe for work, not at all sexual art made by a furry and now my entire page is massive honkers. I don't get it.

I can't tell if I'm complaining or not yet.

[voidtalkerr]

oh and while I'm getting back into things, I can thank the song Darlene by Slint for making me want to play bass again.

[voidtalkerr]

I've got the full piece I was talking about earlier laid out all nicely in my brain and all that's left is for me to translate what I'm seeing in my brain to be seen in aseprite. This is the hard part for me, it's where I tend to give up. but I've made more progress than before so I'm feeling good.

[voidtalkerr]

this is the kinda shit I strive for. so beautiful. Like this is exactly what I picture in my head and then I just kinda putz around a while and end up with exactly not this.

Hum

[voidtalkerr]

drawing

I said I wouldn't be discouraged when I started to struggle and so far I have stuck to my word. but I have several questions I have been unable to answer myself.

I am attempting to draw a landscape with large buttes in the background and I am struggling on how to give them a sense of scale. They're just kind of flat against the sky and while I'm happy with their shape, I've been unable to give them depth in a way that pleases me, and if I'm not pleased, what's the point.

I'm also unhappy with my color choices. I don't know how to keep the buttes to where they seem dark (it's night in the drawing) but you can still tell what color the layers in the rock formations are supposed to be.

Everything just seems flat and I'm not sure how I fix that.

not sure I want to post anything yet because this drawing is currently pretty unsightly. oh and it's pixel art, if that changes anything.

[voidtalkerr]

buttes are so cool

gotta be one of my favorite geographic features

[voidtalkerr]

for the first time in years

I have the urge to make some art.

I will do my absolute best to not get discouraged when I struggle, like what made me quit trying to learn last time. Maybe I'll start on that game I wanted to make if I keep with it :)

oh and I will post it if I end up finishing it. don't expect anything good, I'm only a beginner.

[voidtalkerr]

Part 2 of albums I wanted to talk about

So most of the albums I wanted to talk about in this series I'd only recently heard, but that is not the case for this album.

I first heard it a couple years ago.

If you know me, you know I love strange music. Weird music. The shit that tickles my brain in just the right way, and I'm gonna talk about an album that does just that.

Tweez, by the band Slint.

(Yes, I will be talking about Spiderland in another installment of this.)

This, despite being the first of two albums release by Slint, was the second one I'd heard from them, and, while I like both now, Spiderland needed time to grow on me, while this one I liked instantly.

Now, about the band at the time this album released, it consisted of David Pajo on guitar, Brian McMahan on guitar and vocals, Britt Walford on Drums and also vocals, and Ethan Buckler on Bass.

They recorded this album in 1987, but it would not see release until 1989. Bassist Ethan Buckler would leave the band, dissatisfied with the album, not long after it released.

Now, as I said, this album is odd. It's very raw, with spoken word lyrics and also yelling.

Each song is named after the parents of the members of the band, with the exception of the last song, Rhoda, which was named after Walford's dog.

Alright let's get to the songs, shall we?

It opens with Ron, named for one of Walford's parents. It opens up the album with three words. "oh, um, alright" before blasting you with some guitar. This song is aggressive, abrasive, and other words like that. Towards the end, they just start smashing shit, and leave it in the mix.

Up next is Nan Ding, named for one of Pajo's parents. This song starts off with some plucky guitar, but gets more intense before mellowing out, and it tends to switch back and forth. There's some chatter in the right ear I don't think you're supposed to understand much.

Then is the song Carol, named for one of McMahan's parents. While Ron ended with smashing stuff, this song begins with it. The bass in this song is fantastic. Buckler does a great job :) This is one of my favorites off this album.

Up next is Kent, named for McMahan's other parent. This song starts off with the sounds of drinking. I don't like this part. The sounds are too mouthy if you get me. But after the drinking comes a pretty nice little tune. It sounds almost unhinged in a way, but I like it. This is the longest song on the album.

Up next is Charlotte, named for Walford's other parent. This is the second longest song on the album, and it's a nice time. very chaotic but also... nah it's chaotic the whole way through I think.

Up Next is Darlene, named for Pajo's other parent. (man when are Buckler's parents going to show up) It's a very bass forward song, which if you know me, you know I love. Buckler does great in this one.

Up next is Warren, named for one of Buckler's parents. (Oh there they are) It's the heaviest song so far. It's pretty good, yeah.

Then is Pat, named for the other of Buckler's parents. It's an odd song. Might be my least favorite but I still like it.

Then it closes with Rhoda, named for Walford's dog. It's a song focused on the drums and Britt does a great job in the spotlight. Solid closer.

I like this album. It's a little gross in spots, sure, and it's pretty short, at just under half an hour in length, and the lyrics are mostly nonsense, and and and and and, but it gets my brain happy when I need it to, so I like it.

If you're going to listen to this album, be prepared for it's weirdness. Like more than you think you'll need to be. This shit is impossible to dance to, I think.

Anyways up next will be an album I've listened to more recently.

Thank you for being my void to talk into.

[voidtalkerr]

scroll tumblr then play casual tf2 for that good whiplash

[voidtalkerr]

Part 1 of albums I wanted to talk about.

Today's album I'm gonna speak about is Rubberneck, by Toadies.

Or is it The Toadies? I don't know, I see both around. It says toadies on the cover so I'm gonna keep saying that.

Anyways, if you were alive during the 90s, like I wasn't, you've probably heard one of the songs off this album. Hell even I'd heard the song in passing before.

That song being Possum Kingdom, which, to my understanding, is a song about luring someone into the forest around Possum Kingdom lake in Texas, and either killing them or turning them into a vampire. It's been debated which is the true meaning. I like the song well enough, but it never made me check the rest of the album out.

That was until this week. I was looking for albums to listen to and I'd heard good things about this one.

A little background on this album before I get too into it,

This album released in 1994, not long after the death of Kurt Cobain, only a few months, and it would be the most popular Toadies album released to date.

It features Vaden Lewis on rhythm guitar and vocals, Darrel Herbert on lead guitar, Mark Reznicek on drums, and bassist Lisa Umbarger.

I am a big fan of the low end so Lisa on bass is the part that stands out the most to me, other than vocals of course.

Alright,

Overall this album is very nice to listen to from start to finish. I'm not good at reviewing stuff, so I'm not going to be able to convey what exactly I like about it, but I'll try.

It opens with three very high energy but somewhat short songs, in Mexican Hairless, Mister Love, and Backslider.

Of these songs, Backslider stands out to me, as it seems to be about wanting to be a good man of faith, but being unable to do so due to being a backslider (in other words, someone who keeps relapsing into bad habits)

Then it slows down a bit, with Possum Kingdom being a lower energy song and also the longest song on the album. (though at 5 minutes, it's still not suuper long)

Then the next song is Quitter, which just sounds like Nirvana to me, but that's not a bad thing. I like the song a lot.

Then is my favorite song on the album, Away. I think this song is about escapism, which I can relate to. The bass in this one stands out to me, it's very nice. I like playing it, myself. I think Lisa's bass, Vaden's vocals, and Darrel's lead guitar all stand out in their own good ways in this song.

Up next is a very interesting song, I Come from the Water, being a song about a Christian man still believing in evolution. It doesn't explore this conflict very much, but I like it for what it is.

Up next is by far the creepiest song on the album, Tyler. The instrumental is a very easy to listen to song, which is odd because the lyrics tell the tale of a stalker breaking into a house to do very very fucked up things to the woman who lives there. When I read the lyrics I interpret it as a man who knows what he is doing is wrong, but he also doesn't know why they are, he seems almost too oblivious about his wrongdoings up until the end where he seems to snap and finally make his presence known to the woman.

Then the album makes a sharp left turn from creepy to angry, with Happyface and Velvet.

Both of these songs have anger seeping through them. I think Happyface is about putting on masks around people you despise, but those masks start slipping. It's my least favorite song on the album but I don't think it's bad in any way. But I am a historically easy man to please when it comes to music.

Velvet seems even more angry, which makes you think it's leading up to some big explosion in the last song, and it's even titled I Burn, so you'd be shocked when Velvet ends, and I Burn plays, only for it to be... acoustic? That's right. The album ends with a mostly acoustic song, except for towards the end of the song, when it gets a little bit more energy. The song is about self immolation in an attempt to become pure.

Anyways all that is to say that I loved this album, and it will be added to my rotation. I don't think I'd skip any song on it, and Lisa Umbarger will be added into my mental list of favorite bassists.

Anyways I have many more albums I'd like to talk about, so stay tuned if you care or don't if you don't. I don't mind. Thanks for being my void to talk into.

[voidtalkerr]

Music

Alright I just had to talk about music more.

Over the past few weeks I've been listening to albums from bands I've heard of but never gave them a fair shot. Just to expand my horizons.

I'm not going to fool anyone and claim I listen to all sorts of music, because I don't. I have a preferred genre, (alternative rock) and I don't go too heavy. I like a little heavy but not too much.

My music tastes recently have resided in the years 1987 to 2003.

So when my mother was a teenager and young adult up to when I was born. Gee I wonder who I get my music tastes from.

I just really love that era of music, more specifically, the indie rock and alternative rock scenes.

I have listened to 7 new albums this week.

I'm gonna go through them one post one album for the next while.

stay tuned if you care, don't if you don't, you get the picture.

[voidtalkerr]

Sexuality

For the overwhelming majority of my life I was under the impression I was straight. I had no reasons to think otherwise.

Maybe I had moments where I thought I was asexual or aromantic because for some odd reason I almost never had crushes growing up.

I had one in elementary school (on a younger teacher, and that one faded quickly, obviously.) Then I didn't have another one until I was in college, and that one also faded when I learned there was no chance it would work.

I doubt either of the people I had crushes on even knew I had one on them, because I never told anyone about either of them. I kept it to myself.

Either way, I thought I was straight because my only crushes I had ever had were on women.

That was until recently. I was talking to a male friend of mine a few years ago when he mentioned he might be gay. I didn't think much of it for a while, but I guess that conversation implanted itself into my brain because that night I had a rather gay dream. It was very strange, as in the dream, I wasn't really opposed to the gay stuff I was doing, and when I woke up, I didn't feel weird or gross about it. I should add that the dream did not involve the friend.

After I woke up from this dream, I wrote it down, like I always do, and did some thinking for a while.

I came to the conclusion that I am not straight, but I'm not gay either. I figured since I have been attracted to women in the past, and am feeling a certain way towards certain types of men now, that I'm probably bisexual.

I have a type in men that I prefer over others. Like I'd prefer them to be on the feminine side, but they don't have to be full femboy y'know.

but then I started questioning even further.

Like recently, about when I started questioning myself, I realized that I am an incredibly lonely individual. I haven't had physical contact with anyone in as long as I can remember, outside of the occasional handshake at work.

I don't mean to get sad all of a sudden, but I wondered if it meant that I wasn't bisexual, I was just desperate enough for romantic contact that I would be fine if it were from a man even if I wouldn't be otherwise if you get what I'm putting down.

Though my romantic situation hasn't changed, I'm more confident that I am indeed at least somewhat bi.

It is strange, though. I'm not much in to sports but the two sports I do enjoy a lot would probably be very opposed to a bisexual, or any queer, person being a fan lmao. like the southern good ol' boy fanbase of NASCAR (though I think that's been changing some in recent years) and the Trump Supportin' MAGA fanbase of the UFC and MMA in general (I don't think that will ever change.)

Anyways that's why I have never and likely will never come out to anyone I know personally unless I am forced to. Like if I ever get a boyfriend or something like that. I think my parents would be cool with it, but everyone else? idk if I want to risk it.

I will come out to the void, though, so thank you for being my void.

[voidtalkerr]

Horror and Minecraft

Today I'd like to talk about digital horror and analog horror. Two recent-ish horror trends that I really love, and maybe some other things too.

A couple years ago, I and the world was introduced at large to analog horror, which to my understanding is basically taking things that were nostalgic to those in their 30s and 40s and making them scary.

stuff like VHS tapes and media from those eras. I quite enjoyed that trend. Stuff like the backrooms and the Mandela Catalogue were very interesting to me. I'm not usually a horror guy, but this stuff just intrigued me. But then I was introduced, by Youtuber Sagan Hawkes, to another type of horror, coined as Digital Horror by Sagan himself.

Essentially it takes the concept of analogue horror, and changes the dates from the 90s and very early 2000s, to when I was a child, the early 2000s to the mid 2010s. So basically when Computers started being in almost every home and when children like myself at the time had unfiltered access to them.

Now I'm gonna talk about Minecraft, I promise I'll loop back around to digital horror eventually.

Turns out, the highest selling game ever has a lot of people nostalgic for it, who knew!

I am one of those people. I first played the game in around 2010-2011

I still play it occasionally today.

While I don't know exact hours, it is in all likelihood the game I've played the most.

but I never really found it that scary. Sure the cave noises made me jump every now and again but I never really felt too uneasy playing it.

That was, until I'd heard of Herobrine, and being an impressionable child, I ate that shit up. Nowadays I obviously know it was just an urban legend, but before I knew that I'd make worlds just to search for evidence of him.

I used to watch videos, that while obviously fake now, were real to me back then.

Hell, even when I'd learned he was fake, sometimes I'd play along with people who didn't know, just to keep the dream alive for them.

I remember being on the bus to school with someone who genuinely believed in Herobrine, given that we were both like 8, and I did too.

We'd share stories about "Sightings" that we'd both had. We were both genuinely afraid he'd show himself in one of our worlds and delete it or something.

But eventually you stop believing when you get smart enough, and as more and more updates came to the game, I started playing less and less, and that sense of unease was almost completely gone. almost.

I wouldn't say I'm scared of the game, but I'd be lying if I didn't psyche myself out every now and then.

You know, like you think you see a figure in the dark in a cave but it's just a zombie or a block at a weird angle.

Now time to loop back.

There were two specific ARGs and unfiction projects I wanted to talk about from Sagan Hawkes' videos, and they are

Old Minecraft Reuploads

AndrewGaming67

OMR tells the story of two friends who unleash something malicious by digging through the games files in an attempt to find cool stuff

AndrewGaming67 is about a guy trying to relive the old days by exploring a world he used to play with a friend of his who's been mysteriously inactive online.

Given that I used to play Minecraft a lot, and still do to an extent, these two stories drew me in. They held me with an iron grip.

OMR was abandoned 3 years ago as far as I can tell, and AndrewGaming67 is still ongoing (I think) I'm waiting for more videos so I can watch all of them at once.

But these stories had me thinking. Why can't I make my own.

Well there's several reasons. I have ideas for them but I lack the editing skills, the friends I'd need to help, and the technical skills for any modifications I'd need to make to the game.

But to say I was inspired would be true. I just didn't do anything with the inspiration. I'm still to this day thinking of neat little ideas for digital horror projects in many different games.

But these Minecraft horror projects have inspired... other.. stuff.

When it became popular to do so again, the urge to make Minecraft more spooky hit a creator named Gargin, who once (unintentionally) had the Gmod Workshop flooded with nextbot slop because he dared to make an actually good png nextbot.

And he proceeded to do almost the same thing with minecraft.

He made a somewhat well made horror mod called the cave dweller and (unintentionally) caused a wave of samey and boring "dweller" mods to flood the modding community.

Kinda feel bad for the guy.

Anyways, I just wanted to talk about horror and minecraft. Thanks for being my void to talk into.

[voidtalkerr]

Car crash videos.

One of the longest constants of my online life has been youtube. It first became a thing when I was 2, but I have been watching videos on the platform for over 15 years. Many of the videos I watched when I was younger were car crash videos. I don't know why I liked them. Maybe I just liked watching the cars go flying, and I didn't understand death at the time? I do remember that the first video I ever watched was a NASCAR crash compilation that contained 3 songs,

Kenny Wayne Shepherd's Alive,

Edgar Winter Group's Free Ride,

and the song that would go on to be my favorite song for a good 10 years,

Slow Ride, by Foghat.

Nowadays, I know what that song is about, but back then I thought it just meant to drive slow so you didn't crash your car, given where I first heard the song. I still listen to the song pretty frequently, it just has a different meaning in my brain now.

I remember finding a monster truck toy that played Slow Ride when you pressed a button on it in a store when I was a kid. Given that this toy combined two of my favorite things ever as a child, I, of course, begged my parents to get it for me. Which they did! It's probably in a box somewhere, or it broke at some point and was thrown away, but I cherished that toy for a long time. Nowadays I'm wondering who approved putting a song about sex in a toy meant for children.

Anyways a couple years ago I was thinking about that video, and I had a thought.

Could this video that I had so many good times with as a young child, watching cars go flying and breaking into tiny pieces, have featured deaths? In other words, did I get a lot of enjoyment out of watching people die?

So I had to know, and I spent a month searching for that same video. And I found it! I thought I was gonna have to verify each individual crash wasn't fatal, and given the fact that I had started to take an interest in watching cars turn left, an interest I still carry today, I knew modern NASCAR drivers, but didn't know a lot of these older ones at the time, given this video had crashes from the 80s and 90s, I thought I was gonna have to do some sleuthing. But then I checked the description and felt more relief than anything, as I read the words "non fatal crash" and realized that no, I did not watch people die when I was a child. At least not in that specific video.

That video now resides in my nostalgia playlist. Alongside two other car crash videos, but these were crash test videos I used to watch a lot when I was young, so I knew nobody died in them.

Anyways, thank you for being my void to talk to.

[voidtalkerr]

Tried so hard not to make another music post

can't do it three days in a row, even though I have a lot to say about music.