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divorce themed restaurant menu

dessert: CUSTARDy Battle

yeah that's all i've got so far sorry

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Welcome

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whoever made the decision to make umpires wear cameras... you are a legend

this is genuinely the funniest thing i've ever seen

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The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

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OMG???? FUCKING EMERGANCY

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Popular Opinion

Mint Ice Cream and other mint flavored foods taste GREAT and y'all can’t change my mind

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little boy at work today knocked something over or didn’t do something right or whatever and immediately went “oh, MAGGOTS!” with all the rageful emphasis of a cartoon mobster. so anyway there’s so much good in this world

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saddest thing that can happen is a cat so delicately and cozy putting their small apple head on your leg like a pillow to sleep while fully unaware that in like five minutes you're going to get up to go eat because they don't know human language or how time works

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mmmmm plain whole wheat toasted english muffin with melted butter

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if we go out for a meal together and I suddenly space out for brief seconds before coming back from my trance it’s probably because they were playing a song I like

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you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.

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there should be an episode of Phineas and Ferb where Doof wants to take OWCA to court for entrapment specifically because they're making him fight a platypus, a species protected by law. and Perry just kinda raised a brow and goes with it because he wants to know how this plays out / he's playing a game of chicken with Monogram because he wants. like. better vacation time or paid sick leaves or something

Doof is fully aware that Perry is Letting This Happen. i dont know i think it could be really funny

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i love reading sad books bc when your own grief is stopped up inside you like a clogged drain you can grieve for a character on a page and understand that you're also grieving for yourself a little bit

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googling shit like "why do i feel bad after hanging out with my friends" and all of the answers are either "you need better friends" (i don't; my friends are wonderful) or "your social battery is drained, you need to rest and regain your energy levels" (i don't; i've got tons of energy, it's just manifesting as over-the-top neurotic mania). why is this even happening. it's like some stupid toll i have to pay as a punishment for enjoying myself too much

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why is it that every time you sit down to do something productive while watching your casual tv show, the episode you end up watching is always the best most interesting well written episode you’ve ever seen