volunruud

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when the autism is being an actual mental health problem instead of making me obsess over fictional characters again:

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LOL but seriously release the hounds

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how could i be autistic? i share knowing looks with ppl all the time.

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Caria chrysame psittacus, a type of metalmark butterfly known for its shimmery green markings. Photo credit: Kim Garwood

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You don't have to be hot to transition. Like obviously the girl pills will make you hotter, but also you're allowed to just be an average looking girl. Girls are even allowed to be ugly! It's chill. Cis girls do it all the time.

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Jennifer’s Mind

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"Bloodthirsty" filet crochet piece ♡

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okay, how do i put this? there are many cases where i've been SO in love with someone and desired them desperately, and after so much time of loving them i feel differently. some examples: when i was a little girl (11-15 or so) i was desperately in love with the guys from 1d, but nowadays i still have love in my heart for them but i no longer have a desire for them. i see them more as friends now. and this is basically my only "real" example, this mostly applies to fictional characters. like, ratonhnhaké:ton from ac3. i was completely obsessed with him for years of my life, and now i just see him as a good friend (although if he was real and asked me to fuck then yes i would obviously). this is kindaaaaa how im starting to feel about astarion, and ive only known him for a couple years now! like i still have STRONG feelings for him but i see him less romantically (even though i almost always romance him) and more as a close, best friend. this is how i feel about marcurio, i still love my sassy diva wizard but i see him more as a best best best friend! FARKAS AND VILKAS, HOWEVER, CAN GET IT

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Through has got to be my least favorite way out

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something i talk about a lot is how my dreams depict my alternative realities. yes i know this isnt true and i dont fucking care if ppl dont believe me. of course yall dont believe me im talking about my dreams being alternate versions of me. thats insane. and i believe it. and every once in a while i will have a super vivid dream that seems to have some sort of narrative. a few of these have stuck with me, these are the ones that i know are me in a different realm of existence. the main one i can remember is when i was probably in middle school, i dreamt a vision of myself standing at the ocean shore in the water, and a man chasing me. i know this man was meant to be my husband. and i kept moving further into the sea, until i was lost. and a handsome merman found me and was able to save me, and i know in my heart there is another me out there who is married to a merman who saved me from being trapped with a terrible man. i have a ton of recurring dreams as well, and many many many recurring themes. most of my recurring dreams will be the exact same dream, and most of the time it will not occur again until years later. sometimes i dont remember the dream in the first place until it comes to me again. these are usually complete nonsense, as far as an explanation could go. a theme that has happened a lot in my dreams is i'll be in a car in the passenger seat or backseat and i'm on the road trying to drive bc no one is in the driver seat so im trying to drive and control the pedals from a different seat. idk how i got into that situation. another thing that happens to me a lot is when im driving on a really tall bridge, it suddenly ends and i go flying off. or the bridge will have a very steep basically totally vertical decline. ive had that dream where im interacting with people and i look down and im naked, always in a different situation though. another one is being chased and found again, running from something and i can never fully escape from it. i have gone to new locations and realized it's a place from my dreams. this has happened many times to me. and there have been times my dreams showed me what was to come, but i never realize this until after usually. the most recent one i can think of is that the other day, i dreamt my shark tooth necklace broke at the tip. and that day i went to my jewelry box and opened it and the tooth was broken, only in a different spot. i didn't even think about my dream, i was looking for something else in my jewelry box. when i saw the broken piece my dream came back to me as a vision over my eyes. this is one example but it happens a lot, and it usually is very minor things like that. and sometimes i begin to realize that i cannot tell if a dream is one i had a long time ago or last night, i cannot tell if it was a dream or a memory from my real waking life. these times i realize hmmm maybe i am crazy, and i used to experience some delusions and stuff but this is not part of it. but thats probably exactly what a person in psychosis would say.