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I saw this post on tiktok and as soon as I opened the comments I started sobbing

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The problem with playing smash or pass is that there's a lot of characters which I'm not sexually attracted to but I would fuck in a heartbeat out of sheer curiosity and ego, like I don't find Mickey Mouse attractive at all but if he approached me at a bar and went "Hey sexy, want me to show you my mouseketool?" I would say yes because then I get to tell my friends I fucked Mickey Mouse

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Why isn't "too scary" a good enough reason to never drive a car

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First time visiting my friend’s dorm room (who’s also a snake)(I forgot)

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Things that leveled me up as a Dyke Pt. 2

When I had dyke sex in the parking lot of the fire and brimstone church I grew up in

When a girl drew protective sigils on my arm for weeks after she overheard me tearing apart her old roommate for saying transphobic shit about her

When the sleep study doctor told me I have a medically large tongue and my wife shouted "I KNEW IT"

When the butch at the hardware store told me the shelf cutting machine broke and we spent 20min cutting shelves with bolt cutters for my wife's closet.

At the RenFaire, my wife tried the knife throwing but couldn't get it, then got huffy when I told her how to do it. She handed me the last knife and told me it's not that easy. I did not tell her I threw knives a lot as a kid, so with all her bags and jewelry balanced in one arm, I flipped the knife a couple times and sunk it into the wooden target guy. Felt like a damn hallmark movie and I loved it.

When an Aussie woman in a hotel lobby asked me to please please keep talking because she was fascinated by my american southern accent. I called her darlin and she blushed.

When my wife's grandfather was fine with her being a lesbian largely because I was such a big help with the cattle

When I moved an iron bedframe into the garden for my wife's coworker and she asked how long we'd been together. The answer was that morning. We'd been going steady for about an hour.

When I taught my wife how to waltz

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every time someone points out that "reject modernity, embrace tradition" is a literal nazi phrase there's like 4000 white people in the replies who all cry and sob and need to be comforted because their ~comfort meme~ is ~problematic~ and it's very very funny. i say thru gritted teeth

and no, you're not 'taking it from them' when you put it on a funny meme. you are normalizing it. you are helping develop it into a dogwhistle. and you deserve teeth in your grey matter

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Man, when I was like 16 I got so sick of being made fun of for being the fat kid that I took an axe down inna woods, chopped down a tree, and started doing log-lifts all the time. I got strong as fuck, but I didn’t lose no weight. I actually got bigger.

Same thing happened when I got into fighting. I got even stronger, and I got *fast*, man, and nimble, like a cat. Still chubby.

Body-building culture is a bunch of crap, my dude. Functional muscle is not necessarily toned or lean. You can be swole as hell and still be heavy. And that’s cool.

Embrace your inner barbarian. And when fatphobic little gym twinks try to body shame you, you should DESTROY THEM with your MIGHTY AXE

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through pure random chance someone said "jerma rip your shirt open" and he said no i like this shirt. let me put one over it and rip that instead. and he gave the nation of mexico an eternal gift

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Yuri is pretty cool :)

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You can be talking to someone and she'll be like, "Oh I made a silly mistake. Women don't deserve voting rights teehee." And you'll be like, "What." And she'll be like, "Oh I'm sorry! That must sound so bad out of context. No it's this Tiktok meme where, if you're a girl and you do something dumb, you say 'Women don't deserve voting rights teehee.'"

And you'll be like, "That sounds bad." And she'll be like, "No no. It's totally not that bad. It's just a meme. Men say it too. Like if a man does something silly he'll be like, 'I am like those women who do not deserve to vote.'" And you'll be like, "Does that make it better?" And she'll be like, "Well there was one guy who tried to make 'Men shouldn't vote' a popular meme. But it never caught on and also he got yelled at a lot."

And then you drop it there because like, you're harshing the vibe.

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a historical transman:"despite being born as a woman, i changed my name since my youth, dressed as a man of my time, refered to myself with he/him pronounce and would literally fight anyone who ever dared to question my manhood with violence and all that i did through most of my life which lasted for decades until my very last breath. also please dont inspect my corpse. thanks."

some "feminists": omg what a girlboss!!🫢🤗 she was such an icon for going through all of that just to achieve success in male dominated jobs!!🙌 what a shame she was forced to pretend to be a guy tho🥺🙄 but dont worry queen!!😉 we will make sure to write you in as one of the greatest women in history!!😘 we got you bestie!!! 🎀🫶

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i love the word lagomorph because it sounds like it’s supposed to mean something alien or unnatural but it’s just. buny

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[guy with the Cant Focus Disorder] why the fuck can't I focus

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