vunessahh

[vunessahh]

Idk why I’m here...

I’ve been in such a shitty mood, even the littlest thing will set me off. I hate my relationship and I have no one to talk about it to because EVERYONE knows I should’ve never took him back. I want to believe he’s changing or has changed because he talks a good game. But idk. Maybe he just got a lot better at hiding it. That’s what he did the last time. Jan of 2017, I knew in my gut something was wrong and he was up to no good. So I did some digging and found some Craigslist ads looking for someone to have sex with and invited them to our home that we shared together. He replied to NUMEROUS Craigslist ads for a hookup and sent a dick pic and a pic of himself plus our home location inviting multiple strangers to our home we share with our kids. But what really hurt is that I found out he was emotionally cheating on me with some chick he met at work (the job my mom got him and that my mom worked at also). He was talking to this girl for hours every night while he was at work and during the day while I was at work. Yes, she knew about me and our family and he told her that he wasn’t happy and he was only with me for the kids and that he was helping me out by letting me stay with him. Mind you, I was the bread winner, he was driving my car around and I paid the majority of the bills (about 75% of them). The messages between the two of the broke my heart. He was talking and treating her the way that I’ve longed for from him. He treated her the way I haven’t experienced in years since before him. I’m 100% sure that if she didn’t live in Arizona, he would’ve left me for her. He did actually. He asked me if we could be roommates. I was so heart broken, I dropped to my knees and begged him to stay With me. I did all sorts of things... Bought new lingerie, tried different sex positions etc. treated him EXTRA special because to me it was my fault. It was me of why he did what he did, it was my fault. I was so depressed, I even had suicidal thoughts. It hurt me to my core and trust me this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this to me either. The night I found out, I went the his work phone. I was trying to call the girl and he tackled me to get the phone back so I wouldn’t. Even broke a nail and had a few bruises because he did that. He even got mad that I called her ugly. All that told me that he really really liked this chick. I spoke with the coward bitch and she lied to me saying she didn’t know about me but come to find out, she did know. But she was the one that told me that he said that he was just helping me out. He talked so bad about me(according to her). But they’re both liars.

6-7 months down the line. I pretended to be here and he told “her” he wanted to be with her “but she’s all the way over there” and that he missed her and thought about her a lot”. Mind you this is after I left him and he begged for me back. And like the dumb ass that I am... well ya know the rest. But that’s for another story.

[vunessahh]

I finally did it.

So guys, I finally got rid of the toxic ass relationship in my life. I just want to start fresh and new. I'm tired of the same ol BS and the same ol niggas trying to get fucked. I'm officially celibate. For reals. I need to get my mind right for sho fo sho! I just need to work on myself; mentally, emotionally and physically.

[vunessahh]

😔

I don’t know why I torture myself by staying with someone who does nothing but lie and try to cheat on me. I say try and cheat because for the last 8 years that’s all this guy has ever done. He’s probably cheated a bunch of times and I just haven’t caught him in the act so to speak. But I’ve caught him with fake profiles trying to hit on women and posting ads on Craigslist. It’s sad af that I almost don’t have a choice but to tolerate the major BS he’s put me through and continues to do. I always hear the same lame ass excuses and I’m just over it. I know I’m pathetic. I have a ton of debt that we accrued together and a lot of bills that need to be paid that I won’t be able to do by myself. But as soon as this debt is gone, so am I. I can’t continue to live my life this way. Being loyal and down for someone who continues to shit on me. All the good memories I have always brings me to "oh this is the time that he did this or that” and I’m sick of it. I’m a big girl, but I’m beautiful and I’m a DAMN GOOD WOMAN. I want to be that for him, but he is constantly lying and hitting on other woman. It’s literally like every 6 months. This guy is never going to change. 8 years of heartache and not having any trust has me exhausted and I’m just so TIRED. I’m tired of being sick and tired. I can’t live like this and putting myself through this torture.

[vunessahh]

This day was amazing! 🙏🏽

[vunessahh]

Dumb Fuck

This fuckin dumb ass left the oven on. Came and picked me up from work at 630pm, we get home at 8pm and the house reeks of carbon monoxide. And has the fuckin nerve to say I’m being dramatic and gets mad. He’s such a fuckin fuck up, I legit fuckin hate his dumb ass!!!! I’m so fuckin mad that I can’t go in the house and relax because he’s so fuckin stupid!!!!! Uggggghhhhhh!!!!! And this isn’t the first time he’s done this. This is like the third or fourth time. I fuckin hate him!!!! Yes I’m stupid and yes I’m pathetic because I’m still with this dumb fuck, and he’s secretly gay. Omg I’m such a loser. I hate this fuckin dumb ass nigga, I swear I do.

[vunessahh]

Manly man

I love a guy that can take charge and be the man of the family. I need that in my life. I hate a always depend on me type of guy, someone who acts like I'm his fuckin mother. Like, you're older than me and you act 5 years old. Grow some fuckin balls!

[vunessahh]

Today was a great day. Breakfast at Denny's, the water park, Movies & McDonald's. I had a great day with my boys. ❤️ I'm exhausted.

[vunessahh]

💯

[vunessahh]

[vunessahh]

Angry Drunk

So like any other person, I like to drink and party when the time allows. Lately I’ve become an angry drunk. An angry drunk is someone who gets so wasted they black out and the demon comes out of them. This past weekend, I got so faded that I attacked my only real friend in this world…. My brother. He paid for all of us to drink for my birthday and I got so wasted, I put him In a choke hold. I was laughing but he wasn’t. I don’t remember any of this, but of course everyone else who was there did. I’ve become so unhappy in my personal relationship and I hold it all in…. Until I can’t hold it no more. So when I get drunk and black out, the anger in me comes out with it. It’s my own fault, and I know that I’m the only one who can fix it. So for now, no more alcohol for me. At least until my personal relationship is in order, which is a demon in my life that I know I need to face. I’m 31 years old and I’ve become an angry drunk.

[vunessahh]

My heart, my soul, my boys. 🙏🏽