w-h-i-t-e-mochi - Tumblr blog

[w-h-i-t-e-mochi]

I miss you and hello tumblr! I don't know what number of poem this is. I should have been organized the first place.

[w-h-i-t-e-mochi]

All Too Well 10-Minute Version: Reading between the lyrics

I haven’t read any lyric analysis so far because I’ve been busy with university, but I have listened to the song 3-4 times now, I think. So here are my thoughts and what I got after listening. I might also reference some scenes from The Short Film to support a point or something :)) I’ll skip some lyrics because All Too Well is a story-telling song, so a lot are direct to the point, and we’ve had the shorter version for years now so we have a general understanding of the lyrics that we already know. These are just my thoughts so feel free to point out if something’s off or you’ve thought of something better :D

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I walked through the door with you, the air was cold  But something ‘bout it felt like home somehow

Because we know the relationship from the song ended badly, we can say that the air was cold because the love affair was not meant to last in the first place. In the film, the girl was portrayed as lively, happy, warm, and fun because she was significantly younger, while the man was more of cool and calm. It can be said that his being cool and calm was because of his older age, but again, for the girl, it was true, genuine love, but for the man, it was more like a passing love, one that comes and goes as he pleases. He became cold quickly, breaking a young, innocent heart. This is something I just noticed now because we have always thought that the air becoming cold was because this album is a fall album, and the setting of the story is in the same season.

Still, it felt like home to her because she was in love, and because everything just started, it was warm and there was hope that this could last.

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze

The man was older and he had more knowledge and experience about relationships. Of course, he knew he had the upper hand and can put up a front to have the girl all around him. The girl, on the other hand, was younger and more innocent. He put up an honest facade, a sweet disposition, and she looked at him with eyes so innocent and full of trust. With the full version of this song, we now know that the bitterness came from her finally knowing how manipulative he became throughout their relationship.

And I was thinking on the drive down, any time now He’s gonna say it’s love, you never called it what it was 'Til we were dead and gone and buried Check the pulse and come back swearing it’s the same After three months in the grave And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you But all I felt was shame and you held my lifeless frame

And I was thinking on the drive down, any time now He’s gonna say it’s love, you never called it what it was 'Til we were dead and gone and buried Check the pulse and come back swearing it’s the same After three months in the grave And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you But all I felt was shame and you held my lifeless frame

Here, we have her waiting for him to say that that what they had at that time was love. It might be that all this time, they still have not said “I love you,” or that she has but he hasn’t. This indicates that in this relationship, she was more serious and into it, while for him, as mentioned earlier, this was just a passing what that will come and go. However, whether he thought of it as love or not, he only realized its significance to him AFTER she has come and gone. Being the manipulative man that he is, he swore that there is still love, or that she still feels it because he does. This time, she only feels shame after everything that went between them, and since there is no longer love after all that, she became lifeless, and he wonders where it all went, the life and love for him.

'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night We’re dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light Down the stairs, I was there I remember it all too well

If we listen to this part, we can feel that this time, as Taylor Swift recalls the memories enclosed in these lyrics, she accepts the happy and carefree feeling of dancing around the kitchen in the middle of the night with the love she had at that time. It’s like she is happy recalling these memories, instead of the bitterness and pain that were more intense in the earlier version. This time, she does remember it all too well; not in a way of remembering the bitterness and pain, but in a more genuine way of feeling the happiness and purity of the moment, thereby justifying this version as the story-telling song that it is. Now, she has truly moved on from her past and has come to terms with it.

And there we are again when nobody had to know You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath Sacred prayer and we’d swear To remember it all too well

But it this part, we feel the pain. We feel her accusation of him not loving her the way she loved him. Like children, they swore to remember each other and the moments they had because they would be together forever. However, she was the only one who felt this way and who took it seriously. To him, a fully grown older man, it was nothing; just as adults comply with children’s musings and stuff to keep them from pestering them, or to simply satisfy them. She remembers it because it was significant to her at that time, but she remembers now that it was all nothing to him, just as in the film, she points out that he dropped her hand, something small but clearly significant to her, he did not even know, care to know, or notice.

I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'Cause I remember it all, all, all…

A small detail: the girl in the film became a writer and this can be an allusion to her having a hard time processing everything and the loss just as she (Taylor and the girl in the film) was having a hard time putting these into words to get it all out of her system.

They say all’s well that ends well, but I’m in a new Hell  Every time you double-cross my mind

A lot has already pointed this out but this is a parallel to Lover’s “All’s well that ends well to end up with you.” In All Too Well 10-Minute Version, though, despite knowing that it is better to have the relationship end, it still felt like a new kind of pain that’s worse that the last every time she remembers him. In Lover, she swears to be overdramatic and true to her lover. This time, she no longer lives in her “happy” memories entwined with the pain of the present because of the fact that they are no longer together. This time, she lives in her happy present where she can just be herself and he won’t accuse her of being too much anything, especially when expressing herself and her emotions.

You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine And that made me want to die

All this time, she thought that despite their age gap, everything was fine and they’re going to make it work; but then he used this convenient reason to get out of their relationship and give up trying. She thought it did not matter but then it suddenly did, and it was not something she can do anything about. He basically became bored and tired enough to not think of the actual reason why things are not working.

The idea you had of me, who was she?  A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you Not weeping in a party bathroom Some actress asking me what happened, you That’s what happened, you

But the actual reason of his leaving was this: she eventually became comfortable in the relationship enough to be herself and this did not match with his picture of her in his head. The more they got into the relationship, the more she gave him her time and effort, the less he gave his, and the more she tried to demand for more. She became comfortable being with him and he became complacent because he knew she’s all about him. To him, she was needy; to her, it was simply being in a relationship, which it is. However, she was supposed to be just the pretty girl following him around and following his wants. Like she once said in Miss Americana, she was supposed to be a nice girl who is quiet and doesn’t speak her mind, who just smiles and doesn’t cross the line. She was just supposed to be the pretty girl known as his girlfriend, someone who illuminated his already sparkling image.

He did not like that she wanted him around especially in occasions, and making a big deal out of it that even people they know start to ask around; and it’s something she can’t really do anything about because they are in the same world and she feels things she has to express and people just notice. But then, she can’t really say it out loud because people will talk and he will get more annoyed.

But then he watched me watch the front door all night, willing you to come And he said, “It’s supposed to be fun turning twenty-one”

Like before, this was already mentioned by a lot as a reference to The Moment I Knew, a whole song about waiting for someone in a birthday party and that someone never coming.

Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can’t get rid of it 'Cause you remember it all too well, yeah 'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known

She was the one who struggled the most when they first broke up, yet she really wants to move on from it so she can get back on her feet. She remembers everything as she is constantly reminded that it is the end, with all her things being returned to her.

But then he finds himself missing her too because despite everything, the relationship was pure because of who she was. He remembers everything because she was the one real thing he has ever known as she did try to be as open as possible in that relationship for it to be good, right, and real. 

And I was never good at telling jokes, but the punch line goes “I’ll get older, but your lovers stay my age”

This line is a direct strike to that man. I don’t think it’s even a joke because of how it’s so true. At the same time, it shows how older men having preference for younger people, significantly younger people, is so common that it became normal. Despite those younger people being in legal age and having the right to choose, of course, it is bothering how significantly older men do not find relationship with people their age as it seems that they enjoy having the upper hand and their partner being innocent. There are good relationships with age gaps like that that work (and I have no problem with that, stay strong!) but there are those that are different. Those that really seem pedophilic. It’s not just a matter of age but also of mentality, maturity, and intentions. 

Just between us, did the love affair maim you, too? 'Cause in this city’s barren cold I still remember the first fall of snow And how it glistened as it fell I remember it all too well

These lines here are so beautiful, especially as she sang them. By now she was just asking him, or maybe confronting him, if he still remembers everything and if he also suffered the heartbreak as she did. It was cold but it was supposed to be warm with him. Winter was starting and it was supposed to be magical, with the glistening snow. She was alone watching the world and the changes as time went on. She remembers. 

Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it

These lines repeated a lot. They were haunting, like she was convincing him to remember it all and admit that he does remember. It was like these lines are supposed to resurrect pictures of those moments in his head and the memories they had. Those memories haunt him, and she will always be there in his head. Memories of her will haunt him and she knows. What they had was rare so she knows he remembers it too all too well. No forgetting, rejecting, or denying can ever change it.

[w-h-i-t-e-mochi]

okay, but the idea SHE had of HIM, who was he? A sweet, innocent, loving man, its just the excuses that makes him act up. This time, he will keep all his promises (despite all the evidence to the contrary), will treat her, and this relationship, with respect and dignity, as a reward for all the times she has put up with the worst of him. won’t hurt her and then deny her feelings.

She loved him, so purely, and held on, for so long, when she clearly saw what it was costing her. Because in her head, her Version of Him was A Better Man.

[w-h-i-t-e-mochi]

suddenly after watching the kitchen scene where jake gaslit her, i completely understand why she sounds so damn desperate in this last chorus before the song ends and my heart is broken for her

also it explains a lot about why it’s “you remember it all too well.” in the outro when the entire song shes saying “i remember it all too well.” because he said “i don’t even remember the moment that you’re talking about.” and she’s finally realized what he’s done to her so she’s telling him “you remember it. i know you remember it. that’s the thing i’m sure of.” and i just want to hug her. the outro sounds so haunting and i 100% believe that’s it’s supposed to be. she wants it to haunt him the way it’s haunted her.

[w-h-i-t-e-mochi]

Why I Wish I Didn’t Know “All Too Well” Was About Jake Gyllenhaal

Don’t get me wrong, I am a Taylor Swift fan through and through, I will die on every hill for her. However, I wish I didn’t know who her songs were about and I wish she would never tell us. Not because I love it best when artists leave their works up for interpretation (although I do love that), but because I don’t love the reasons it gives us to slander the names of her exes.

Take for example the 10 minute version of “All Too Well” and everything in the song that Jake Gyllenhaal did wrong.

He said their age difference was too much. Okay, but I think he has a fair point. Almost 10 years is a pretty significant difference when one is in their early 20s and the other is in their early 30s. Most people, even famous people, are in vastly different stages of their lives during those ages, as opposed to someone who is 40 dating someone who is 50. That 10 year age difference might not be so significant.

He kept her like a secret. How exactly did he do this? They were photographed together so their relationship definitely wasn’t a secret to the public. Did he never talk about her? Did he not introduce her to his friends? Why didn’t he do these things? Was he embarrassed about the age difference? Maybe he got into the relationship and then realized it wasn’t what he wanted but didn’t know what to do? I think we could all say we’ve been in situations like that. We don’t know his perspective on this but even without it I don’t think this is even reason enough to hate the man.

He never said it was love and didn’t call it what it was. What was it? Was it love? Maybe he wasn’t in love. No one falls in love with everyone they date. It happens, and that’s life. I think all of us could say there’s been someone in our lives who we were never in love with when they thought we should be.

He didn’t come to her birthday party when apparently he said he would. Maybe he knew he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore but didn’t know how to deal with that and so he was trying to slowly back away from it. Not the best or most mature move, but definitely understandable. I could say I’ve done things like that before. Still not enough reason for everyone to hate him for it.

I know what it feels like to have someone hate you after a relationship and try to get others to hate you too, and it really doesn’t feel good. I don’t think Taylor Swift hates him, I really don’t, but since everyone knows this song is about him it’s causing many of her fans to hate him for her, and I don’t think that’s a good thing. Plus, this was 10 years ago. I think we would all agree that we wouldn’t want anyone bringing up our mistakes from 10 years ago and hating us for them.

In conclusion, I don’t think any of us should hate Jake Gyllenhaal for this and with that being said, the 10 minute version of “All Too Well” is still my favorite song of hers. It is iconic and we are all blessed for it so we do have Jake Gyllenhaal to thank for these mistakes 10 years ago because they led to the creation of a masterpiece.

[w-h-i-t-e-mochi]

The song begins with "I sit and watch you", followed by her thought process while watching her lover read.

She’s wondering why she's doing all these things and they're still not good enough for him. Then she’s asking him in her head, "If I left, would it matter to you? Believe me, I could do it." And yet the song ends with the same line: "I sit and watch you."

She wants to leave him, but she cannot do it.

(IG: @allie.writes)

[w-h-i-t-e-mochi]

Posting my All Too Well, the short movie, thoughts here.

I'd also like to add that when Sadie says in the beginning, "It feels like I made you up," its a literary allusion to Sylvia Plath's poem, "Mad Girl's Love Song". It has lines that repeatedly echo, "I think image you up inside my head". Love when she whips out her literary tastes through her art!

[w-h-i-t-e-mochi]

Another Therapy Session For Me or Thanks, Taylor, You're The Woman

okay so i need to get this out. taylor swift put out all too well 10 min version yesterday, and i watched the short film the moment i woke up and i have something to say

first of all, the song hits on so many different levels, like, the gaslighting of my previous relationship, oh my god. that part with his friends, and how she straightened her hair and wore red lipstick, fuck, i did that. i read everything there was about this 'straight edge' crap his bandmates were into, and i listened to this awful fucking screaming music so that i woyld have something to discuss with them when i was inevitably pulled into their little fucked up band circle. and fuck, im not that into music, im always more into lyrics, but my interests didnt matter. and when i commented on their casual misogyny and how one of his bandmates used to cheat on his wife whenever they went away for a gig, and everyone knew it, i got told that its not like that and i was misinterpreting it and that it was stupid and unimportant, implying that me and my feelings and thoughts were also stupid and unimportant. and my ex was only 2yrs older than me, but his friends were like 6-10 yrs older than that, and it just made me feel so fucking awful.

this song brought back so many memories that i only now realize are so fucked up. girls are always put in these patriarchal structures where its expected of us to seek approval from men who are older and hence depicted as wiser, and that is just such fucking bullshit. (ofc, trans and non-binary people are also put in these kinds of power structure struggles, but here im talking from my perspective as a cis woman who is attracted to men). its like, your worth increases if you get approval from these 'cool older smart dudes', but when time passes, you realize that those dudes are literally fucking wankers with emotional range of a teaspoon who in a way prey on impressionable, younger girls, because in most cases women their age would expect them to, you know. have a job or something, and not spend their days pretending they're metallica in their seventh-rate glorified boy band, but for Real Men and playing Real Music, whatever the fuck that even means.

other point was, that kissing scene between sadie and dylan. holy fuck did that make me uncomfortable, and it took me some time to figure out why, and then i remembered. when i was 17 i had this friend who was some 8 yrs older than me. he was smart, and cool, and seemed like he had life figured out, and we spent ages talking abt politics and philosophy and fantasy (he got me into asoiaf) and i wasnt always as oblivious to romantic stuff as i am now, so i always felt there was some intent there, but something always held me back. i kept telling myself "oh ur so shallow, he may not be the handsomest guy around, but you should give him a chance despite that, bcs hes really nice and kind and smart". and holy fucking god how fucked up is that?! that is fucking patriarchal gaslighting at its fucking WORST, bcs now i realize that wasnt me being shallow. that was me being uncomfortable, the same kind of uncomfortable i felt while i watched that scene and that i felt when he kissed me that one time and i turned away real quick and kinda ghosted him before ghosting was a thing. it was the unconfortable which comes from a twenty six year old man kissing a seventeen year old girl. fuck. just, fucking hell, i didnt even realize how messed up that was, and still is. so like, kudos to my internal alarm going off and not engaging in that kind of relationship. what i think also helped is that my friend at that time 18 was in a relationship with this 29yo dude, and i could feel red flags all throughout that relationship even if i couldnt articulate them, because of whom she turned down a scholarship for oxford and stayed in our shitty little town in the middle of nowhere, only to break up when she was 21. probably too old for him.

so basically i wanna say thanks taylor, for putfing all this into perspective for me. i havent stopped listening to the song for these past two days, and it really, really helps knowing that im not the only one.

[w-h-i-t-e-mochi]

Please don't hate me for this, this is just my opinion... but I actually wasn't uncomfortable with Dylan and Sadie's age gap.

Age gaps don't bother me as long as both parties are of age and consent to it.

Hear me out before you start judging me too hard:

You're legally considered an adult when you turn eighteen, when you're an adult you have the freedom to make your own choices. I feel like with age gaps it all comes down to compatibility and maturity.

I know a lot of eighteen+ year olds that already have families, their own homes, jobs, basically their whole life already figured out. I also know thirty year olds that still don't have their life together in the slightest. You could be eighteen and be more mature than a thirty year old, and vice versa.

Age gaps aren't generally ideal when it comes to relationships, but for some people they don't have a choice, they can't help who they fell in love with.

My cousin for example, is happily married to someone with a way bigger age gap than Dylan and Sadie's. But she has also never been happier. They love each other with all their hearts, they go on amazing adventures together, and he always treats her like a Queen.

Which is why I feel like it comes down to the people who are in the relationship. Jake and Taylor had something special from what I seen from the video, but he let the fear of what others would think get in the way of their relationship and ruined everything. He was also a toxic asshole, which doesn't have anything to do with the age gap.

You can be in a relationship with someone the same age as you and still experience what Taylor did. With any relationship it just comes down to the people who are in the relationship. It comes down to what kind of person they are, if they're serious about the person they're with, etc.

Toxicity doesn't have a certain age.

Dylan and Sadie have a lot of chemistry, and I found the romantic scenes to actually be really cute. Which made the heartbreak ten times worse because they really had something special from what I could tell, but Jake was too much of a coward and a dickhead that he let others opinions get in the way. It worked out in the end though, because Taylor deserves someone better than that.

What I did find uncomfortable was the way Dylan's character was treating Sadie's. The way he flipped the blame on her, hid their relationship because he was ashamed, gaslighted her, etc.

But once again, it's not just relationships that have age gaps that do this. Any relationship can be toxic, no matter age.

It always comes down to the people, the type of person they are, and how serious they are about their partner.

This probably doesn't make much sense because I've had zero sleep, but I really hope you guys get what I'm trying to say.

Please no hateful comments, this is just my opinion, and I will respect yours as well. 💜

[w-h-i-t-e-mochi]

More unpopular opinions: taking a relationship that should be intimate and personal and then exposing it for all the world to see while portraying the other person as the villain is possibly as toxic as gaslighting. And yes I'm talking about All Too Well.

I adore that song, the ten minute version, the short film, all of it. I've listened to it a million times and watched the short film 5 times in a row when it first came out. But I see so many people talking trash about Jake Gyllenhaal for how Him was portrayed in the video (masterful work on Dylan O'Brien's part) and it feels really gross the more I think about it.

Everyone is mad because of the gaslighting scene and rightfully so, but the whole reason gaslighting is such a problem is because you're invalidating someone's experience and their feelings. And that's basically what the whole film does. Whatever Jake G's experience was in that relationship is completely thrown away because the story is told through Taylor's eyes. She paints herself as a martyr and he is this callous man who broke her heart. We have no way of knowing how he saw the relationship, how he may have been hurt by her actions. There is no acknowledgement of what role she may have played in how things turned out with them. I of course have no idea what the details of their relationship are so I have no idea what is accurate and what isn't. Still, relationships are rarely as black and white as they were painted in the film.

As a culture we tend to view men too easily as these villainous figures wrecking everything for women. There's not enough personal responsibility being taken by women in our society and I want to see more of it. Women can cause damage and be toxic and leave behind a lot of hurt just as easily as men can. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

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CHEER UP (2022)

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Henry is just so elegant

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━━━ THE LITTLE THINGS

characters: kaedehara kazuha, thoma, arataki itto, gorou, kamisato ayato

summary: just the little things that come with the love shared between you two

genre: fluff, romance, i crave Love and Affection

tw//cw: if you are single and happy you are going to become Single and Yearning

kaedahara kazuha ━━━ reciting pieces that range from love poems to those coochie poems you hear on tiktok to each other. taking pictures of the pretty shadows cast on the walls of your home by the sun in the early mornings. seeing pretty things in your travels or simply your day-to-day lives and immediately thinking about showing it to the other. running up to each other at the port after he returns from a long journey. holding each other as if they’re oxygen and you’re struggling to breathe. fingers ghosting over each other’s features early in the morning while you memorise their faces. the wind carrying words of love to the other side of the world. the sense of yearning that comes out of nowhere, suddenly. discovering old love letters from long ago hidden in the pockets of clothes or bags you rarely use. gently steering you away from any obstacle or danger while you’re walking through town together. always walking you home even if his destination is on the other side of town. wishing that you could take a picture of the sky and send it to him wherever he is, because even if you’re under the same sky it sometimes looks different and you wish he was here to see your sky just as he wishes you were with him to see his sky.

thoma ━━━ opening doors for you even when you’re way too far away and laughing when you rush over, embarrassed. making meals for two even when you aren’t over because he’s gotten so used to you staying at his place. bowing and pressing kisses against your hand as a greeting and goodbye. always being able to guess exactly where you want to eat when you’re outside even when you yourself don’t know. buying your favourite snacks and candies when he goes to buy groceries even if you don’t live together. keeps a picture of you in his wallet. everyone in town knowing you are his significant other even if you hadn’t met yet because they always catch a glimpse of your face in the picture when he opens his wallet. buying you a new bouquet of flowers every time the old one starts to wilt. finding a home in each other. dancing together in the kitchen to the beat of unheard music while your midnight snack reheats. always making you walk on the inner side of the path, away from the road. insisting on carrying your grocery bags.

arataki itto ━━━ subconsciously leaning against you when you’re standing up or sitting down. dozing off within minutes when your hands are in his hair. making shadow puppets on the wall when the both of you can’t sleep and the moon is bright outside. loud booming laughter that draws eyes to the both of you living your lives so joyously. tossing rocks at your window in the middle of the night but he always ends up breaking the glass. running from authorities together while laughing. riding his shoulders for fun and screaming when he suddenly makes a run for something. tracing his tattoos in the middle of the night when he’s laying down beside you and hearing him giggle. listening to him infodump about his favourite game’s lore before and after he beat a bunch of kids in said game without mercy for a single limited edition playing card. bailing him out of custody and laughing together when he tells you all about today’s shenanigans as you walk back home side by side.

gorou ━━━ communicating through subtle facial expressions without even speaking; confusing everyone who is watching you both understand each other without words or effort. tracing mindless shapes on each other’s skin; lulling each other to sleep with that touch alone. nights spent under the stars talking about future. a shoulder to cry on when it all feels too much. combing your fingers through each other’s hair as a love language. trying to find some way to offer you his clothes for long periods of time or stealing your clothes just so that he has something that smells like you. resting his face against the crook of your neck because he feels safe there. the unnatural warmth of his skin against yours because even after all this time, he’s still bashful about these ‘bold’ displays of affection. making use for all the time he can see you even if it’s just glimpses from afar. finding himself daydreaming about seeing you later during the more boring meetings and only realising how he’s smiling when someone points it out.

kamisato ayato ━━━ exchanging kisses behind his fan. helping each other dress up in the morning. envious whispers following your shadows in the hallways and streets of the sweet love you shared, so uncommon amongst nobles in arranged marriages nowadays. kissing his beauty mark more often than his lips and laughing when he whines about it. forgetting all knowledge of social etiquette and finally being just yourselves when it’s only the both of you. the silence in the office filled with the turning of pages and whispered encouragements of ‘you’re doing well’ and ‘take a break with me later, mhm?’. private dinners in his private quarters where it’s just the both of you curled up by the window and taking a moment to relax. the comforting weight of a hand on your shoulder, and the kisses pressed against his knuckles as a ‘thank you’. sneaking away to drink bubble tea and laugh together. extravagant gifts piling at the door of your quarters, servants carrying even more packages of things ayato thinks you will adore. a simple packaged box atop your bed, with a flower and a card that is simply signed ‘everything and anything for you, my love’.

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my three inner demons 💖

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The Kreideprinz