wabi-sabiphilosophy

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

“Once in a while we meet a gentle person. Gentleness is a virtue hard to find in a society that admires toughness and roughness. We are encouraged to get things done and to get them done fast, even when people get hurt in the process. Success, accomplishment, and productivity count. But the cost is high. There is no place for gentleness in such a milieu. Gentle is the one who does ‘not break the crushed reed, or snuff the faltering wick.’ Gentle is the one who is attentive to the strengths and weaknesses of the other and enjoys being together more than accomplishing something. A gentle person treads lightly, listens carefully, looks tenderly, and touches with reverence. A gentle person knows that true growth requires nurture, not force. Let’s dress ourselves with gentleness. In our tough and often unbending world our gentleness can be a vivid reminder of the presence of God among us.”

— Henri Nouwen (via gloryfromdust)

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[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

The unravelling of humanity

This whole pandemic has done more than a couple of things for us. We��re at the dawn on existence-- of true understanding of humanity. There’s the good and the bad, unravelling itself in each of us as we hear, speak and respond to this global crisis that affects every single one of us. It causes discomfort, to varying degrees depending on where we are on the stratum of society. But to some, it can cost them their lives. 

I’ve been at odds with the four walls. It cannot contain me, my physical self with a soul and will that likes to test boundaries. I’m not a rebel, I just want the freedom of choice. But that said, I’ve had a lot more time to lean into myself, to reflect and contemplate where I am in life. I’ve been brainstorming on how I’d like to improve myself with the added time and focus I have on certain skills or projects. Moving forward, after this pandemic blows over, I’ve mulled over what opportunities I could position myself for and how I may keep relevant (or ahead) with the changes that are here to stay. For me, this was a time of strategy and planning, a pitstop for a better race performance ahead. You could even say this an exciting time for ideas to brew for a timely launch later. These four walls could never cage my imagination and energy, if anything, it has been keeping me a lot more focused and determined than I have ever been the past year. 

While I sat sulking over the less impressive range of activities I could indulge in during the lockdown, I realised it was a privilege to be bored. While I complained over unused leave that are expiring soon, there are people who have no choice but to be on permanent unpaid leave because firms aren’t hiring and the economy is doing badly. While I brood over how I want to reinvent myself and discover my true purpose, there are real situations beyond these four walls where people are struggling to reinvent their resumes and discovering new ways to be treated poorly by society in this time. They may sulk because they’ve just been diagnosed with the ‘trendiest’ disease and all they can think about is how they would pay for the hospitalisation bill later. Some may have just lost a loved one to it. 

I have nothing to sulk about. 

I should be grateful everyday that I get the chance to lie in bed with a beating heart and be able to wake up knowing all the earthly comforts I enjoy will still be there. Even though anything can happen, and it will always surprise us, there is a certain level of peace and provision I’ve been blessed with, that I should never take for granted or despise. 

What I should be keen to discover is how I’ve reacted to this collective experience, how I’ve allowed myself to connect with others and what my reaction to those around me say of the humanity I possess as an individual. Because we are not living for the sake of living, but to overcome not just a physical sickness but an inequality that has plagued us for a long time. We have become united in this experience, but our outcomes are so different. What does this unravelling tell us about the false perceptions we carry of others around us? How do we adjust our behaviours to those around based on what we know about them? How do we consume media; do we let media consume us? Are we governed by sound laws or our emotions? These are some things we need to uncover for ourselves to truly be able to live in our skin and help others do the same. 

Once this pandemic dies down, we will forget again. We will look at it, as if it’s a distant memory, that’s what we always do as creatures of comfort. But our lives will be forever changed by it and we have to remember to stay honest with ourselves. So that when the time arises, we know who we are, how we can play our part to lift one another up and rise again as a society.

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

Year of Creativity

This year is my year, and there’s so many things I want to do.

All of a sudden, it hits me that I’m at the peak of my youth- I can do whatever I want to do, yet I’m being held back. Why?

Material things, pride and expectations. These also happen to hinder my creativity. However, I realised I need some kind of structure to find creative freedom too. Because for me, given free reigns, I become sloppy and undisciplined. So I now know what I need and don’t need.

Let’s begin the year of creativity with my own top tips (to remind myself):

1. Schedule a block of creative time

Bring a book and a pen out Take a hike Speak to new people Think about questions I don’t have answers to, fall in love with the questions Read

2. Abandon social norms

Do something different everyday Surprise yourself  Go back and do something you never thought you would do/ be good at Say no or yes to something you’d likely to/not entertain

3. Form disciplines to exercise the creative muscle

A doodle a day Sleep early Drink more water Be punctual  Write down my thoughts 

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

Hello 2020

A year ago I was in such unimaginable pain, who knew I’d make it to the shores of 2020 stronger? 

This time last year I was packing up my life in Melbourne to finally come home. Grief had touched my soul and all my heart felt was a swallowing of itself. It didn’t want to live or love or hope again. When I arrived home, the love of my life seemed far away. The love of my life was lost in someone else’s embrace, caught up in his own troubled mind. I left my love behind, for it is better to love alone than to be in love with someone who made me feel alone. For a long time I didn’t allow myself to feel pain, I’d beat myself into stoic submission and believed this world was a cruel place. I was breaking apart within and even though my lungs felt they were collapsing every second- I knew God had somehow pulled me together, got me a job, a start somewhere in this new life and got me going. 

I realised that everyone is going through something, a pain somewhere in their life. Brokenness permeates this society and that is why it is functioning the way it is. And the only way to survive my pain was to focus on how much more this world hurts- and as time passed, my own pain slowly disappeared. As I touched the world around me, heard the stories of the broken and helped them through their difficult moments- I healed. I no longer needed, I wanted to give. What was precious to the hurting wasn’t material sometimes, it is what this world pursues so desperately- acknowledgment, love, time.. things that cannot be bought with worldly currency. I sat with friends, prayed for them, held them, walked with them until they became a little stronger, and I became stronger too.

I find my feet walking before I do now. I want them to wander into the future bravely, because my heart can be quite timid. I’m still shocked that a whole year has passed because I never thought I’d survive it. But here I am, still wearing a bleeding heart on my sleeve but so much more prepared. I’ll never be fully prepared for the unknowns but the recurring phrase that keeps me going is to ‘roll with the punches’.   

God’s got my back and with that kinda support, I’ll be more than okay;  I’m invincible.

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

2020: Who are you?

1. 2. 3. 

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

‘Wisdom’

The Painkiller

Pain changes a person, but it is loss that is a tangible outcome of no longer having what used to exist. In dealing with loss, the only way through is to acknowledge the pain that comes with losing something. In this case, the teeth was my loss- It is replaced with a void.  My body wanting to protect itself and heal, chooses to hide away from the world in attempt at recovering. Recovery can come in so many ways, but it changes the familiar lifestyle and routine- and change is not necessarily the most comfortable thing especially amidst the pain. All of the numbness of the anaesthesia have worn off, and this is where the slow and dull ache of healing happens. With painkillers, that relentless reminder of  distress seems to disappear, and I can hide the loss from sight. In actuality, the pain remains as raw as the loss, it is just eased away by an innocent tablet solution. And if I’m not careful, I could bust this whole operation into an overdose of painkillers, one after another. Recovery from loss is the most important part of this process- where pain should be felt to know where healing needs to/is taking place. 

And so I rest, and wait and allow the world to pass me by for I’m on my own path to recovery- Accepting this is pertinent for fuller and quicker recovery than the illusion of painless road to a healthy life. There is no pleasure without pain, and loss has taught me the humbling lesson of how fleeting life is. Maybe I’m being overdramatic about seeing a part of what used to be in me, as apart from me. But this visual and visceral experience of having my teeth consciously removed with much difficulty, made a big point to me. 

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

deliverance

God, this is it. There is nothing else that I can do to run away anymore and You have brought me here, to this moment of resounding truth.  After this page turns, God I don’t want to be a child lost in this world again. This meaningless pursuit of ‘next’ isn’t working out, these taunting thoughts that blur the line between truth and lies should fall on deaf ears. My whole life has been a trail of mistakes, generational messes are on my shoulders and the projections of others’ hurt stains me. Let me grief fully and completely. Let this moment of anguish be the last of it’s kind. Let me die. Let this please be it. 

Make me new. Heal me inside out truly, deliver me from the enemies’ hands and help me claim my inherited authority back. Work it out continually within me Holy Spirit so I can exercise my authority and live again. 

I’m marking this date.

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

“A person who invents, produces, or makes things is called a creator. The noun creator is from the Latin word creare, which means ‘to make or bring forth.’”

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You've been bitten by a true believer

You've been bitten by someone who's hungrier than you

You've been bitten by a true believer

You've been bitten by someone's false beliefs

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No ones gonna take me alive

It’s time to make things right

You and I must fight for our rights

You and I must fight to survive

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And we all live under the sky

never on cloud nine

Always just enough to get by

so we could buy time

for a world that doesn’t see beauty;

a chance they’ll open their eyes and see

there’s more to life than barely surviving

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

Playing God

How are you God?

Has the world spent their prayers on themselves, forgetting about who you are?

How are you doing these days?

Does the world pine after you like You pine after their attention?

It must be lonely being the only one like You, but You are God afterall. You give and give and never ask for anything in return, just a heart full of love. Broken love.

You are fully invested in love but also distracted by love. You are not interested in companionship- the likes of another God to share the burden or pain, but yet long for our companionship. What sustains you? Love.

I can’t eat love for breakfast, pay the bus fares with love or spend time with my friends without the need for money. Money runs the world and the economy of love is bankrupt. This world sucks at handling something so precious, yet you give it out freely. You are foolish and wise, passionate and disciplined. You are a conundrum, but also the only solution.

What if I played god today and asked-

Tell me God, how are you of late?

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

2019

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

Yesterday

There is a special kind of sadness that lives within my heart, one that mourns the goodness of things that have passed, moments that could have lived on but was unfairly shortened. And the only reason it ever hurts so much is because it was just, so good. 

Like the life of The Beatles and their music that will continue to live on as the legendary and original four rockers of the world. What would it be like to have dinner with them? How did they invent rock? I wonder how they’d feel knowing they have truly changed the world in the best way, inspired musicians all around and became icons to everyone between nobodies and somebodies.

John Lennon first met Paul McCartney in 1957, they were 16 and 15 year old respectively. They were very much the central force of the band, driving the band forward with their songwriting and inspirations. Their story and songs sparked an era of possibilities- although they only lasted till 1970, these songs captured the world’s heart. And that spirit or hope lives on. 

Being tired and caught up shouldn’t be an excuse, for the kind of world changing things you can do, by being good at what you are good at. 

“There’s only two choices: We’re gonna do it or we’re not gonna do it, and I want a decision. Because I’m not interested in spending my fucking days farting around here, while everyone makes up their mind whether they want to do it or not.”

Now that’s the spirit. 

So inspired. 

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

The sun kissed my skin pink,

the sea braided my hair,

the wind swept my sparkling drops of worries away.

The sand clinged to my feet for a ride into the warm silvery sea, only to dive into a new world I can’t reach.

That’s okay- I’ll bask upon the crests of the gentle waves, where it goes I’ll float.

Hold my hand and I’ll skip to the beat of your adventurous heart.

Look through my eyes and I’ll show you my world- the deserts, blue seas and forests deep; ice cold, volcanic hot and everything in between.

—

But for now, just a date with me and the beach.

[wabi-sabiphilosophy]

This is home, truly.