waiting-for-his-right-tim3

[waiting-for-his-right-tim3]

I’ve skimmed the letter he sent to his ex. I dunno why I’m that curious, but my hands were shaking again and adrenaline rushes ‘coz anytime he can just catch me doing it. I went thru it for like a minute, forgotten to take a pic and I think that’s not necessary since I did it just to look one time.

2 pages, and more on asking how she is. And telling stories of how he was “redeemed by God” although it didn’t work for them. and felt sorry for how he treated her badly back then.

I find similarity to the letter he sent me the same time as hers. though mine was a little bargaining, hers was more an apology.

but I kinda sense something in the content like why would you end it with “see you in God’s perfect timing”? Are you waiting for her answer, or when an opportunity arises and the ex wanted a comeback, should he let her in to his life again? I kinda felt sad. Knowing that they’ve shared memories together. Of course I’m not aware of how deeply connected they were. Then I started to compare our rs rn, I kinda felt jealous. Then regret na why do I have to read and invade his privacy then got hurt after?

I wish he could be more honest. Even it will hurt me. Knowing our history. I also wanna read his letter to the other girl I also talked to before we get back together. maybe I’m a masochist.

And now we’re on a silent treatment break ‘coz I sent him like a hint, but not tell him what it is. I’m kinda sorry but also hopeless so I didn’t continue. Awful, yes. But I can’t confront him yet.

[waiting-for-his-right-tim3]

“Being happy is a very personal thing and it really has nothing to do with anyone else.”

— Unknown

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“It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.”

— Eartha Kitt

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“Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.”

— Henry Ford

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''i wasted those years'' who cares. you lived the only life you could've lived in those moments

[waiting-for-his-right-tim3]

Still, just asked about the password on his phone. and he didn’t give it right away. He has to see you disappointed and sad. Pero pag ako, he can use my phone freely. I kinda feel unfair. Siguro part of me still remembers and carry that thought na what if he’s hiding something? Kasi if the situation reversed, I will immediately give him my phone without hesitation. He already knows all about me pero parang he’s not totally all in sakin. I dunno. Ang sad.

[waiting-for-his-right-tim3]

[waiting-for-his-right-tim3]

I dunno till when ako magrarant here.

Pero yun nga. Aware naman sya sa mga for improvement or need baguhin on himself. Siguro nandun ako sa, makakayanan ko ba iendure kasama sya, yung kapag irritated or feel niyang hirap na hirap sya at tinanong ko kung kumusta sya, sasabihin niyang gusto niyang mamatay? Do i want my future husband to respond that way even jokingly? Kasi parang it’s taking a toll din pala sakin. like ayaw ko din naman na toxic positivity, pero the more na nakakarinig ako ng mga nakakadrain parang nahahawa din ako. Sorry, Lord. I supposedly support him, pero minsan iniisipan ko na agad yung future ko with him with the current situation. Tapos nung nasa MOA kami with Jezah and AJ, nag iikot kami sa Muji and may free taste. Parang I felt jealous kasi kumuha agad si AJ for 2 tapos binigay niya kay Jezah yung isa. Tapos sya, nakita ko na lang na kumuha sya at kumain. Di ko alam pero parang in the future ba, iisipin niya rin me the way AJ thought of Jezah? Na may kusa? Kasi minsan even sa pagbibigay ng water, need ko pa magparinig huhu.

I just hope na You sustain me, Lord. Give us strength sa rs na ito.

[waiting-for-his-right-tim3]

How can I tell him a funny or epic moment I just had (tinatapos kong panoorin yung GH lesson sa sala tapos nahulog sa ulo ko yung wall fan) and I feel hurt physically pero isip-isip ko nun, gawa to ng kaaway kasi masyado akong focus sa GH.

But then he’s acting all so tired and he’s giving me loud steps of feet, padabog na sagot and a long disappointed face? Like nag offer naman ako to help, but he insist na wag na, and saying sarcastic things. Like I’m walking on eggshells na naman. Sana if may problem sya, sabihin niya agad? Pero he’s treating me like this.

[waiting-for-his-right-tim3]

‘Both Sides Thinking’  by Hymn Wong

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2nd offense hmm

Una nung a little extra kind sya sa bio sa work. Kung mabasa nya to, wala akong pake. He can be kind, pero i dunno. Nakakafeel ako ng iba in his actions toward other girls.

2nd offense nung sinearch or click nya sa fb profile nun. Dalawa lang naman kaming gumagamit ng phone ko, malamang alam kong hindi ko yun clinick. So is he curious sa life nun? I’m starting to overthink.

If he’s open like that to other girls or still interested, balik ko na lang sya sa nanay nya. Pagod na ako mag overthink

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[waiting-for-his-right-tim3]

I kinda said something today to him na feeling ko, nahurt sya. Pero yun kasi yung truth and observation. Namention niya kasi yung Ilocos, and I remember his treatment nung nandun kami at kasama din namin si Kath. Lahat kami pagod nun, that’s given. Pero ano ba naman yung magsasabi kang mauuna ka na sa taas ng Bus? While kami naglalagay ng mga mabibigat na bag sa trunk ng bus? Like yes, equality and hindi naman dapat naasa technically sa lalake. Pero di ba nasan dun yung pagkukusa? then maiisip ko din yung other scenario na may times pag may mga kasama kamin maraming bitbit, or even me, parang di niya nakita or nag offer na sya na sa iba? I know na modern na today, pero chivalry is not supposedly dead? Tyaka in the first place yun nga e, dapat nagpapalakas pa rin siya sakin. Pero parang masyado na comfortable and complacent. Ayoko lang na defensive at sumagot siya agad, (non verbatim) na while di pa daw kami kasal, he can do things on his own. Kaso huh, it’s just a simple gesture and it shows na parang so kapag kasal na, saka pa lang magkukusang kilos or ibibigay yung full potential? Na the way nga sakin, tho out of love naman pero di ba yun nga di pa kami kasal, pero I’m giving almost a wife dutirs na? Pero ang tingin nya pala is mag gf/bf pa lang kami? Kaya parang napasabi ako na hindi pa din talaga ready when it comes to pagpapamilya. Hindi pa yun financial ha, nasa pagke-care pa lang? Kasi what if magka-anak ako, kailangan ko pang mag cry for help para malaman niya na I need help? Medyo natatakot ako. I love him, yes. Pero I also know my worth. Kasi if I can do those things naman pala di ba, what’s the difference?

We’re supposed to help each other and make each other’s life easier

Hmm he said din naman na points for improvement niya ito. So let’s see na lang in the future.

Nag ooverthink lang siguro ulit ako.

[waiting-for-his-right-tim3]

Idadagdag na naman sa pag-ooverthink yung ayaw niyang buksan ko phone niya. I wanna say it’s unfair, kasi yung phone ko I don’t care kahit iopen and explore niya. But I can’t do the same sa kanya. As if he’s hiding something/someone. And he knew kung saan ako nanggagaling. He knew na I hate lying and about sa father ko. And yet, nagsorry lang sya. Di ko alam bakit ineexpect nila na kapag nagsorry ka, ganun na lang kadali to let it go. Hindi ba nila alam na sa simpleng gesture nila like that, we feel na hindi kami priority? Na they have someone other than me or us women in general na in a relationship? Kaya kahit paano blessed pa rin sa lumalabas sa feed ko about knowing your worth and reminders of how a right relationship should look like kasi right now, andun na naman yung trigger sa ginawa niya dati. nagsa silent cry na lang siguro me dito sa gilid kasi i have other errands to do pero sobrang nabobother din pala ako. Iniisip ko na pang na being single is hard, pero iba rin yung in a relationship ka pero ganito yung nararanasan mo. I dunno. I also miss my Mama kahit na hindi ko rin naman makekwento sa kanya yung details, atleast I know she will comfort me. Namiss ko na lahat hays

[waiting-for-his-right-tim3]

Don’t post anything with him in it unless you are posted as well.