waldowski89-blog

[waldowski89-blog]

Tumblr Written Return.

So, I’m back here doing my usual routine. Hello, I guess… you guess? In any case, I enjoy these don’t get me wrong. My abrasiveness is just something acquired, I think. Or not talking to people, I don’t know. Okay, that started off on a wrong foot, left or right you decide… god this is rubbish. So I’ll split this into 3? I didn’t say that last time. I think three segments is enough for 1,000 words… enough for anybody.

I think I’m at the point where most people give up [Edit 20-02-19: I kinda wanna.]. I want to be relentless with this. This notebook seems like it may take longer to fill. Anyway apparently there’s a point where people quit or feel like it but it comes just before take off as it were. Not that that was ever the plan of course. I always felt if it made one person laugh or happy or entertained etc. then it was worth it. I’ll take regular in writing this or these [Edit 20-02-19: I seriously don’t know what that means… oh breaks I think I meant.]. I won’t include times though just dates. All that was probably only interesting to me anyway. I don’t really know.

Wow, can you believe I’ve been here on and off for about two years now? Does it seem like that? I don’t know. Don’t roll your eyes at that. It really has been a while, hasn’t it? Do you look forward to another two years? I’m smiling so I must be. I never cared about popularity or getting paid… hint hint. Eurgh, all that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I just want to entertain but one has to make a living too. Can one really trade in blood… that’s overly creepy. I meant metaphysically. I don’t always talk about positive subjects. Also I was about to talk on where I’ve been this past month. The thought is conflicted… who really cares anyway. Why am I so grim and grey? Cue Bohemian Rhapsody. Actually that’s interesting that’s a nonsense song and Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland is a nonsense story. I really want to get around to reading that. I want to do a reading on a new channel of mine. It’s not set up properly though and I have nothing to post there yet. Just a few maybe dumb outtakes of Jane Eyre. I wanted to read that first… for an old friend. I LOVE YA BUB! BUB. Hey that’s a point, I forget to do ending ideas on my streams. I shall begin that again too… I mean I already started streaming again but I meant the Ending Ideas™ IN ANY CASE! (My talents are wasted) (What talent?)

Where I’ve Been? been up to?

Right hello again, next section. So I’m not going to go into depths as to where I was and what I got up to. Suffice it to say that it was an education. An ongoing education. Also one that technically started years ago. There’s no need for me to go into great detail anyway. Clearly there’s something wrong with my mental health. I have been determined to have a mental disorder. That is or it has been observed that way. I don’t disagree. Oof, I don’t like talking about it. It always brings the mood down. Put short I am depressed and this could be due to anxieties I have. Fear not though for I am getting help. Deers. Should I call my audience deers? Jeeze why the fuck do I have an audience for this? It’s not fun. Hopefully talking helps. Openly or at least as openly as one would like. I want to move on already. With life, with everything. Again, fear not, for I will stay here as I can. It’s too dour. Let us move on shall we? I’ve barely broached the subject though. However I feel I’ve said enough. I hope.

In any case, hope is a good tool in these situations. Hope that things will get better and that it just takes time… it’s taking a pretty fucking long time, huh? That’s about all I’ve got on this subject for now. Oh, except that there was an app about all this. Link! Hey you! Yes you! Got crippling depression? Feel anxious all the time? Yes? Then there’s an app for you.

Okay, now that was overly facetious (I’ll have to edit in whether I spelt facetious right or not later) [Edit 20-02-19: I did.]. Anyway I’ll link (spelt tink wrong it’s early… and I did it even wronger just then). I’ll link it at the end. I haven’t used it myself (fear perhaps) but I will in time. It sounds very helpful bringing each other hope in depressing times/situations/circumstances.

I’ve always wanted to help people. Entertain people. Keep people smiling. It’s nice. Like Psycho Mantis in Metal Gear Solid: “I’ve never used my powers to help people before… It feels… kind of… nice…”. I can still hear that in my head. Gosh, I played Metal Gear Solid a lot as a child… David Hayter in that Christmas message about it was like: “Yeah, well it’s a dark world.”. That was epic where he just dropped into The Voice™: “Brother” and Cam Clarke too: “Dear brother.” I FUCKING LOVE THAT GAME AND ALL THE VOICE ACTORS AND CREATORS AND EVERYONE! … In any case… FFFOXE DIE DIE DIE… calm down Andrew. Counterintuitively I’m listening to the Hitman Blood Money Soundtrack.

Been Looking at Microphones.

Anyway, time to move on. I wrote the above title a few days ago. I’ll read back this thing to get a better idea of where I am. I usually write these in bits over a few days.

Okay, so that seems like a waste of time. It’s just my usual pontificating. So the microphones. I don’t know or remember why I wanted to dedicate a whole section to that but hey ho here we are (I’m listening to the album Hollow Bones by Rival Sons by the way. More Links!). Um basically I was thinking of investing in a much more expensive microphone. That’s it really.

So moving on from that… jeeze it feels like one of these mission constraints in Assassin’s Creed. “Write only about buying a professional microphones only” Well I’ve broken that constraint but there’s no checkpoint here.

In any case, that was it. Interestingly though I found the album Hollow Bones by chance or by how I usually find music and that’s through the recommended on iTunes. I actually do usually judge an album by it’s cover and this one is cool. It has what could be an arctic fox on the front. I’ll put a pic in here.

[Edit 22-02-19: Nice vape, yo.]

I found this album from the recommended in Victorious by Wolfmother. That album gives me nostalgia (what doesn’t?) for a few years ago. It was when I was in the grip of psychosis I think (That’s brave? Don’t post this) I thought I was in a TV show or something. I can’t be the only one to ever have felt this way… Derren Brown more specifically anyway. That’s all over with now. I wasn’t it turns out. I thought the music was a message to me directly as if created for me… I know it’s or may be narcissistic of me. Anyway I tried to listen and applied the lyrics to my life… ANYWAY… I guess I finish this by linking a Jack White video: “Let the music tell you what to do” I haven’t even watched it yet. I will now but alas we are at the end of another Tumblr. I look forward to working with you again friend… The Internet. My name’s Waldowsky (with a ‘y’ why? for now) and thank you to every single one of you who read. My hand hurts (Stop complaining, Andrew).

Just watched it. Well I was going to say I can write a bunch and keep it all. I hardly delete anything. I’ll link Death Letter too… I really love that track. Curiouser and curiouser, I just realised it’s from De Stijl… what a coincidence that he should mention that song.

[Final Edit 20-02-19: A lot of this made no fucking sense.]

[Final Final Edit 22-02-19 or P.S.: The app was called Wisdo. Still haven’t tried it yet.]

Links

Wisdo

Hitman: Blood Money Soundtrack [Edit 22-02-19: I nearly forgot to add this. I need to find a soundtrack for Metal Gear Solid too. I have some music from that game, so don’t you worry.]

Hollow Bones - Rival Sons

Victorious - Wolfmother

Jack White - Speech: "Let the music tell you what to do" | Producers & Engineers Honoree | GRAMMYS

Bonus

Bonus Bonus [Edit 22-02-19: There ya go.]

[waldowski89-blog]

02-02-19 - Work?

Here I am again at my desk with half an hour to waste. I actually would rather use that time writing these diaries than playing an app game. I feel like that can be a waste of time… although I do now crave a go on some.

Eurgh, what can I really write here anyway? I’m at a standstill here. I need to write something creatively. Actually, maybe I could look at doing a competition for writing a short story online. That might be fun. Gosh, I long for my University days. Back when I had some real work to worry about. Not this drivel of mine. Blergh anyway I’m being too depressing. What to do, what to do. This only wasted five mins. I think I will play a couple of apps. It’ll only take ten minutes, I think.

I need to set up my whiteboard too. I’ll take a walk today too. “Take” that always sounded funny to me. How does one take a walk? Certainly not lying down. Okay that was barely even a joke. Sorry. I’m taking the piss as it were.

5 seconds into SeaPort and there’s an ad to double rewards. I wanna watch it for the stuff. Frick though, it’s glitched. I don’t want to watch a three minute ad. Why can’t they sort this out properly before implementing the change? I don’t (well I do really) have the time for this. Gosh I love typing random nonsense. Thank god a thirty-second ad has now loaded this time.

Talking of implementing things, Apple seem to have implemented a thing or stricter grammatical help in Pages. Maybe they’ve seen the ads for that Grammarly thing on YouTube that’s always on. You know the one with the really stilted actors who are probably reading some random stupid idiot’s review from the internet. “I like grammarly” “It’s really good” “My dog has worms” etc…

Thinking of how to get back on Twitter. I make everything so complicated. I want to do a few Gifs that tell a kind of story. Like the terminator regaining its mind or something. I also like the crawling one but that was kind of me during my hospital time. Just crawling on, regardless.

I watched Billy Connolly 1994 this morning. It was good. It kind of gives me nostalgia from my childhood perhaps. Like it’s kind of sunny out too. It’s a bit… almost a bit like the six weeks holiday. I must work though. I don’t know if this counts as work but it feels right at least. At least perhaps. I’m never sure of anything really. It’s quite sad in all aspects… OH SHUTTUP ANDREW WE BOTH KNOW THAT’S BULLSHIT! Just get on with it all. Dumbo. I want some AirPods badly. I know I’d use them all the time. Maybe even when out walking too. They’re quite concealable you see or hard to notice I mean. Good keyboard. It’s not so bad typing on this keyboard once one gets used to it. It feels a little small for me though. I’d like to try out an old laptop I have though. Just to see if it’s any more comfortable. [Edit 13-02-19: This is because of a book I was reading about writing called: “How to Write Your First Novel” by Sophie King. The book mentioned trying different tools, as it were, to write with. Keyboards, pens, etc… Funnily enough, I usually write my blogs out by hand before typing them up. A keyboard is faster, however, as the writer goes on to also say herself.]

[Edit 18-02-19: I’ll put in a quote here from the book… oooh, this is like university again. King (2014: 10-11) writes:

“Writing Tools Personally speaking, I write best on my laptop. In fact, I can’t write very well on paper any more. But that’s because I’ve been using my keyboard for years now thanks to my original training as a journalist. I find it faster - my fingers fly across the letters in a way they couldn’t if I wrote on paper and that means my pace is more immediate and I can get my ideas out without forgetting them.

The golden rule about writing on a keyboard is to always, always, back up. This means saving your work somewhere else apart from your computer in case it breaks or is stolen. One tip is to email yourself with your novel file. You should then be able to access this from another computer if something happens to yours. I do this - and I also email it to my daughter with the words DO NOT READ! Alternatively, you could save it to a memory stick, although you need to make sure you don’t lose it.

However, I have friends at the top of the Bestseller lists who can only write on paper. They then type up afterwards. Some people pay others to do that for them, although obviously this is going to cost. However - and forgive me if this sounds basic - an agent and publisher won’t consider a piece if it isn’t typed.”

That was a long bloody quote but I believe most of it was relevant. It’s 19-02-19 now… no joke. It was already late anyway.]

This is almost a Tumblr a day speed. JUST WRITE PEOPLE! WHATEVER IT MAY BE ABOUT IT DOESN’T MATTER! I want this to be inspirational in a kind of way. Not just dreary drivel but like I’m slowly getting somewhere. Somewhere maybe out of my comfort zone but safe. If you know what I mean. Like a steady income job kind of way… hint hint. Getting paid for diary entries. How luzurious. Ha Lazurious. I meant Luxurious.

I think also the barrier may be that I think it won’t go anywhere. As a dream it stays perfect and the “what if” can be a good outcome. Reality has a way of sucking life out of you sometimes. In any case let’s move on. To what I don’t know.

YouTube has automatically gone onto Pogo music. It’s really good music and the edits are amazing. I’ve linked them before on Twitter but I could put a few at the end here too. Yup (this makes me happy), another Tumblr here has just formed by luck and happenstance. I don’t even need to release this yet. I can stack them. I definitely want to hand write one at some point too though. For this Wednesday. That’s 6th February 2019 dependent on when you’re reading this. I love all this because it feels somewhat productive. Don’t judge me too harshly please. This is what I spend my time doing I just never feel confident in publishing any of it. I have like six-thousand notes on my phone too. Most of which are jumping off points (harhar) and ideas for short stories. I should work through all that too. This IS my work now. I love it and you. NOW SHUSH MUSHY.

Anyway, wow, from The Terminator (which I must watch again) to all this mushyness. AHEM. now I’m stuck on what to write. Stream of consciousness this is. Oh that’s a point, I want to be doing Waldowsky Readses. So that will include maybe Jane Eyre for starters I believe and my Tumblrs when I get around to it all. I’d like to read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland too. Talking of Pogo that’s what they use in their vids sometimes. I love when Alice says: “That explains the troubles that I’m always in.” For me it’s heartbreaking. A realisation of one’s predicament in life or just existing I mean. That explains it and she tears up. It’s like (MGS REFERENCE INCOMING) when Otacon says: “It’s no use.” Like fighting as hard as one can and then grinding to a slow halt. Although it’s like settling. Like a night of struggling and then the sun rises. You just pip the post. That’s what it takes. All until you cannot fight anymore and settle in. Acceptance of one’s position in the world. In any case, shuttup now thats just over one thousand words. BIG HUG! See you sometime soon on here. On the line.

My name’s Waldowski/y and thank you for reading this, whoever you may be.

I may explain the Waldowsky thing later on. For the time being let my reasoning be that I just think it looks better that way. It suits me that way. You can pronounce it how you like by the way but it simply can be exactly the same. Or with an emphasis on the SKY. That sounds nice, wall-doe-sky. It sounds a little silly which is fine and suits me perfectly too. Silly is good. Weird Al oh yeah Grumps had him on that I haven’t watched okay thats’s the end I’ve gotta go now… not really but shush. Join in the charade. DARE TO BE STOOPID!

Bibliography (oooh, spangly):

King, S. (2014) How to Write Your First Novel, Robinson.

Links:

POGO - Bloom

POGO - Carpet Ride

POGO & JEESH - The Trouble

POGO - Grow Fonder

POGO - redruM

Bonus

[waldowski89-blog]

30-01-19 (Tumblr Return)

Hello,

watching Grumps in the morning. That’s about all I’ve got for now. I’m going to go out and get some shopping later. It’s Wednesday. I’m going to get around to stuff I have to do too. I’m just bullshitting for the padding of this diary entry. Lost the will to live. To LIVE. To do things. Apathy has set in. Before I guess it was all about getting ready for home. I just feel fat.I’m having a fat day. Okay that’s just stupid but I’m going to be doing stuff.

It’s so chilly out. I want to get some shopping and get a book from the library. Oh, actually I wanted 1984 to read first and then see the film but they’re all out on loan at the moment. Except the complete works… hang on, deep breath, which I borrowed but then it got returned while I was away and I don’t want to go to town to get it today. Phew.

I could think of hospital as like a [Edit 01-02-19: personal] war thing. I know it sounds stupid but it’s all over now. With lower military development. Ie: calm now, we just had a war.

Thought of this from the above image. That’s from DomiNations. It’s quite a fun little game for the iPhone. It’s a kind of condensed version of Age of Empires except later on it takes age to train/learn/research things This is for the in app purchases but it’s still fun if you have the patience for that. It upgrades (that was the all encompassing word I was looking for… catch-all is another word I was looking for there. I had to look it up)… where was I? It upgrades over days sometimes… pretty much all the time now but it does it in the background. You’ll’ve (nice) already figured that out but just in case. Jeeze, imagine having to wait days actually in the game or with it open just for upgrades to stuff. Nightmare!

Need a to do list for today… the three T’s Tweet/Tumblr/Twitch. Tumblr will be the trickiest and most time consuming I think. I still don’t know what to write. Eurgh, maybe wait till next week for publish? No, I must try to get it out today. However, I don’t want to write excessively about being in hospital. Not only is it depressing but it’s personal too. Perhaps I’ll mention it in happenstance. Just quickly. I don’t want it to be like I’m trying to get attention. To be honest this could be the Tumblr itself. It’s already four hundred and thirty words. Four hundred and forty just now. I’ll try to write one by hand like I usually do first… so that’s a no to this for now. Although writing these diaries and uploading them each day might be good for me because it would get my thoughts out there each day. Eurgh, I don’t know. I feel I’m drowning is all I mean. At least people, whoever they may be reading this, would get an idea of where my mind is at. Ha, Mesmerised [Edit 01-02-19: Of course it would be on New Retro Wave’s YouTube channel]… I’ll link that song if it’s on YouTube. That’s a good idea too actually (Jeeze, this is half way to a full Tumblr already. That makes me happy) Anyway… In any case (another three words in the bag) The idea was that I could link songs in the body of the text too or instead so they could be listened to alongside the text. I write and the relevant songs I’m listening to could be linked. The reader could get a better view of inside my head. Not perfect. One can’t get a crystal clear view of how someone thinks and feels… some people can’t even get a handle on their own thoughts sometimes. I may post this actually. It’s slowly creeping up to a thousand words. Actually even better I could post this as a placeholder and then do a proper written one for next week.

Gosh, I think my routine of writing in hospital really got me into the habit of writing quickly and freely. A good crash course. Most of my writining (… oh, writning that sounds cool… okay no I’m too old for that… but it’s like lightning writing. Under the Sun) was about being homesick naturally.

I got into the music of Le Cassette again. They released a cover of Time After Time I noticed upon coming home. They only have one album at the moment though. I’m sure you could find their music by searching around on iTunes. Maybe there’s more. Like covers and features on other artists music. Features are hard to find. Like how would anyone find for example that Jack White sang on that song errr the other one not Gay Bar. Kickstarting fires? Just look it up Andrew.

DANGER! DANGER! … HIGH VOLTAGE!

Eight hundred words.

You can certainly hear Jack White’s voice on the track… track. Is that an old fogey thing to say? Well, who gives a shit. Anyway I’m guessing if you search Jack White in iTunes all the songs with him in would appear.

So, it’s about ten minutes later and I have my full Tumblr here practically done. Now I’m listening to Gay Bar. So long ago… OH SHUT THE FUCK UP no it isn’t, what, ten years? That’s hardly any time at all. Yeah it can be called a decade making it sound like a long time but it’s seriously not. I would have been in college perhaps… I can hardly remember what happened yesterday let alone ten years… oh, now it’s a long time. Okay, I’m just arguing with myself like I usually do.

So, to sum up news… nothing much has really happened.

That’s the final word here I guess. If this were a Tumblr. Eurgh. I don’t want to post it. It feels too personal or something I dunno. How frustrating. Gosh it can’t be that bad. Some people post right horrible shit.

There ya go, that’s exactly one thousand words right there.

I’m always writing though now. I like it and want to keep in the habit of it. So, farewell friends. Thank you for reading.

I’ll do a diary separate to this. I like Electric Paradise. “Rest your head on mine we’re nearly at the end now”. I remember listening to that [Edit 01-02-19: Years ago I mean] and thinking about death. I’m clinically depressed. Don’t feel sorry for me.

Oh, by the way my routine with writing is to open a Pages document and just write through the day when I want or need to and then save it as a diary for the day. I find this beneficial for me to get at least some writing done each day. So it flows better… ish. I wonder if I wrote nearly a NaWriMo amount over the past month. Perhaps. It’s only ten in the morning and I’m already done here. I’ll type my notes from there up later. I had to write everything with pen/pencil and paper. [Edit 01-02-19: Only on to my computer, I mean. Not Tumblr. Maybe one day, I dunno. They’re quite scrappy and rubbish anyway.]

[Edit 01-02-19: Finally, I found Jordan F and Le Cassette before I knew about New Retro Wave too which is funny. How gravity seems to have a way of pulling people to certain places. Like Earth, Andrew? That’s kinda how gravity works. Okay, fine, it sounded more poetic in my head, jeeze.]

[Edit 01-02-19: Final edit, I promise. More of a musing really. I wonder if linking to Electric Six’s music is against Tumblr’s new policy thing?]

[waldowski89-blog]

“Final Send Off for the Month” (LATE)

14-11-18 13:38

No idea what to write. Let’s address the elephant in the room. Like anyone cares at this stage. NaWriMo, I’m actually working on it alongside these. Hey, did you know technically it’s anything you write in November? Okay, so I’m not going to count my Tumblrs although I could. I’m also not going to be taking it so seriously. I thought it was more formal than it is. It should still be fun though. Actually more so because it’s more freeing. It’s more of an exercise in getting one to write. As in getting more of a routine down or just showing yourself how much you can write.

It’s definitely helpful in regard to a routine or deadline more so. See, I already write a lot but I’m less organised with it. Bits here bits there, none of it really makes any proper sense. This, however, focuses you on one story. Also, I never have to make it public so I’m not going to go into any details. It’s most likely rubbish anyway.

15-11-18 21:02

Right, I’m coming back to this again. I got distracted with family stuff, writing, other things… sleeping. Also, a new pen came which I will be using for these Tumblrs. I’ll put pics at the end.

Anyway, the NaWriMo is going well. Well, as well as it could go. I’m behind in truth. It will get done and I can add it to what I achieved last year. To be honest the format is similar to these blogs. See, it’s like a diary format with daily entries. It’s fun because each day I don’t even know what’s going to happen to my characters. I mean I have a general idea but that’s the funny thing, especially with writing this way, it’s a mystery what will happen next when writing a story. The characters live and breathe inside of you, in their own world you have created for them. Sometimes when writing a story it will go in a completely different way than one anticipated… a lot like life.

It’s actually really fun writing like this. In this volume I mean. It’s cathartic. I’ve had so many creative ideas, as we all do, and to finally get them all out on paper, just randomly even, is very freeing. To/for my mind at least. It’s like the quote: “I write to live and I live to write.”. I think it was David Hayter who quoted that or something similar from another writer. I’ll find out her name quickly. There was a book I borrowed from the library written by her which was recommended by David Hayter…

Right, I’m pretty sure it was The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron (1995). Now, I may have some of the information backwards but as always just treat my Tumblrs as a jumping off point for research and information. Just not a jumping off point from a fucking bridge because you’re bored out of your fricking mind, okay? [Edit 23-12-18: That’s an insensitive joke.] I also should go back and read that whole book. So, with regard to the NaWriMo I will stick with it and hopefully continue even afterwards. More writing, MORE! MORE!

21-11-18 19:35 New Games?

So, in other news, there are a few new games I will be Twitch streaming. I’ve probably already said but the main ones (or the ones I have rather) are Spider-Man (or Marvel’s Spider-Man to give it it’s proper name which I should be starting tonight hopefully… catch up on YouTube. I’m an idiot), Spyro: The Re-Ignighted [Edit 19-12-18: Did it again] Trilogy and Vampyr…

For God’s sake, I was going to try and eek (shit I’m tired. I just double checked “eek” to see if it had a red line underneath or if it was a real word. I’m writing this on paper so no, that won’t fucking happen) I was going to eek (… still no line must be a word… DAMNIT! Still on paper!) this out longer but basically that’s it. Another paragraph in the bag.

Oh, technically I’m starting Spider-Man tomorrow if it’s after midnight… you know what I mean. Gosh that’s confusing. When I say: “I may see you tomorrow.” is that actually tomorrow? Well technically yes if I stream again after midnight. TANGENT!

Actually scratch all that I’m off to sleep! (21:03… got distracted… again) LINK To RE thing. [Edit 19-12-18: Christ, that worried me for a second. I had no clue what that meant but after a search in my notes I worked it out. I meant put a link to an advert that is relevant to being distracted. How it can interrupt creativity. All these notifications, and other things, etc.) [Edit 23-12-18: I don’t think I mean anything there by things. Just more of in a general sense. I dunno why that matters really. To note this I mean.]

ReMarkable

Don’t worry I bought two games: Warhammer Quest and Dishonored: The Complete Collection.

[Edit 23-12-18: I think that literally was the distraction. Me buying two games.]

23-11-18 13:23

Right, so I didn’t stream Spider-Man in the end. I’m guessing I should say I’m not going to do things that way I might do them. Anyway, enough of that mind fuckery. So yeah, I’ve just added two, or four technically, games to the list to stream. Dishonored The Complete Collection and Warhammer Quest. Warhammer Quest looks interesting. I’ll link Loading Ready Run’s play of Hero Quest… Okay this make no sense but I had Hero Quest as a child but never played it. I think it looked good but then none of my family wanted to learn how to play it. I used to look at the stuff well the figures and imagine stories. Anyway, all that sounds unintentionally sad so fuck off. Basically if it’s like Hero Quest and allows me to play it, kind of, then that’s good… for me at least… and you get to watch me fumble through it. HOW FUN! WHAT FUN! Also, I want to buy Red Faction: Guerrilla: Re-MARStered.

Um, so the next section (coming up) of this Tumblr is supposed to be a final send off for the month. Two, maybe three problems with that. First is that I have no idea what to say other than: “Bye, see you in a month. I’m off to write a novel.”. Second is that month is nearly over anyway and by the time I write this up it probably will be [Edit 19-12-18: Yup.] and third I’m sure there was supposed to be four topics. Anyway, um, I guess we might as well start that final send off. No one fucking reads this shit surely.

Final Send Off for the Month.

Bye, see you in a month. I’m off to write a novel.

Guess that joke doesn’t really work if you can see there’s only a sentence left.

Bye, links I guess.

I was here all along.

Thanks for reading. My name’s Waldowski and this definitely wasn’t a cop out. I’ll see you around on social media… not literally. Fuck, seriously I hope I never meet any of you IRL to be honest. Yes, even you… ESPECIALLY YOU! JESUS!

[Edit 19-12-18: That was kind of a joke. [Edit 20-12-18: Wow, edit within an edit. Anyway, I was going to add, I’m just an anxious person, to that.] A final word though is that this was over 1,000 words and in future I will be writing three pages or sides of paper for each Tumblr… if I continue. That was more of a side note for me to be honest. You see I used to do four but in these past two Tumblrs I’ve noticed I always go over a thousand after three pages. The fourth page was probably to make sure. I’m still sticking to my goal. They’re personal anyway. This whole thing is superfluous.]

[Edit 23-12-18: I also meant to add that this is kind of a send off for Christmas too. I’ll come back to all this. I always do, right?]

Links

Crossing the Streams AFK — Hero Quest

Credits Music

Windows彡96 : Gradient Horizont

Outrun - A Cyberpunk Mix

Bonus Links

Bonus 1

Bonus 2

Post Scriptum

This is interesting: Life, Animated reviewed by Mark Kermode

[waldowski89-blog]

Halloween Tumblr

28-10-18 22:45

So, I changed the ink in my pen. A few weeks later… I usually get around to the things I say I’ll do. If I don’t hopefully it’s because I’ll have died.

In any case, I can’t write much at the moment as I’ll be streaming soon. It’s going well though… with this new “setup” I have going. Maybe I’ll be as HD as the games are now. Lots of new games will be coming to streams too. I finally finished the story and side missions/collectibles of Batman: Arkham Knight so that will go on the back burner for now and I’ll come back to finish the trophies one day. The new games will include: Red Dead Redemption 2 (which I have already started), Marvel’s Spider-Man and Spyro: The Reignighted [Edit 02-12-18: Wow, that’s silly just now and when I wrote this that’s how I thought it was genuinely spelled. Let’s just blame it on Arkham Knight] Trilogy. Also, possibly, any others I have left to currently do so those won’t be necessarily new persay [Edit 15-12-18: I’m sure I’ve seen: “per se” written as: “persay” before].

It’s starting to get chilly out there, huh?

31-10-18 17:19

Right, so I’m coming back to this after a couple of days… ON HALLOWEEN! Anyway, the stream was fun. I’m really enjoying them now and managing to do up to two hours each time or rather two hours at least. It genuinely raises my mood too. Yesterday… well today actually at oneish my mood wasn’t so great and I didn’t want to stream quite frankly. However, upon streaming and relaxing into it, I felt quite okay.

Never mind, about all that bullshit though. Right, so I plan on doing two Tumblr blogs actually… don’t sigh like that. I have no idea what I’ll do for the next one. Most of this will be padding as it is. See, already I’m stuck. Gosh, how I’m going to get through this NaWriMo I have no idea. I’ll just have to get my head down and get stuck in. My Tumblr posts will stop but I plan to keep tweeting and streaming. I shall have to stick to two hours, although, Red Dead Redemption 2 is becoming quite addictive for me. When I get to finishing a stream I feel I could go another hour or two and I have done. Well, with that said let’s neatly segue… wow, I had to look up that word to not get confused with Segway which is based on segue… it’s Italian for ‘follows’. Segue me! Not IRL though please.

Red Dead Redemption 2… First Impressions?

Right, firstly, in no way is this a review. Actually, I will put a link to a proper review in the description. Secondly, let’s get on with the review, well, this I mean. It’s great and I want to be playing it right now and all day everyday… night too… well actually I’m usually only up at night. I wonder if Twitch would allow me to do that? If their servers could handle it. Also what about my internet service provider? Anyway, don’t worry, I’m not serious. It’d probably make me ill anyway. I’d love to do something like that for charity one day although there’s two problems with that: one, I don’t know if my content (“content”) is entertaining enough to warrant or even keep a big audience and, two, I wouldn’t know where to begin in setting it all up. Anyway, that’s a massive tangent. Maybe one day I’ll have the resources to do all that.

MOREOVER (university trick), the game, it’s good as I knew it would be. Rockstar never disappoint. It seems, as with every new open world or third-person-actiony type game Rockstar release, they implement features or the feel, I suppose, of previous games. What I mean by that is you will get a sense from playing it that it’s from the same developer as GTA V. I explain things weirdly. In any case, as a lot of people have said however, is that it plays very differently from other modern/contemporary shooters. Red Dead was always story driven (well not so much Revolver. Which I have to get round to playing on stream sometime). In Red Dead Redemption 2 it is very story heavy. I think that’s great though. Story in video games has always been a huge draw for me. I love getting immersed in a game and the best way to do that is with great storytelling. Now that’s not necessarily done with purely written words [Edit 15-12-18: I just thought that was interesting. “with purely written words” isn’t what I mean. That’s saying the words are pure. I mean: “purely with written words” as in only words are being used to convey the story… shush I know I’m being pedantic but this stuff is interesting to me. Okay, back to the Tumblr]. Red Dead Redemption 2 does however have 400,000 lines of text.

10-11-17 [Edit 04-12-18: It’s 2018 you idiot] 10:40 Red Dead Redemption Continued

Welp, I’m back to the Tumblr (in November no less. Don’t worry I’ll talk about NaWriMo… in a MO LOL!). Anyway, back to the “Review”. It looked like I was in the middle of a point and got distracted. Funny ol’ life like that innit… distracted for nearly two weeks.

So Redeademption 2 can tell a story simply by leaving an abandoned cart on a trail. You can explore (nothing much usually) the cart and area. What it does though is give the land or setting a kind of character. It feels lived in or inhabited, at least once. You’ll find camps, etc., [Edit 15-12-18: So I just put a full stop or period after “etc” because you need to after abbreviating etcetera right and Pages told me it also needs commas either side. That’s because it’s in a list. Quite right Pages] all with their own unique thing. Some will be abandoned. Some will have people who are unfriendly. Others will have people who may tell you things. Another factor is your actions too. If you’ve been going around killing and robbing everyone most people will shun you or get aggressive. I know this is technology that has only just been realised too [Edit 15-12-18: Could also be: “…this technology has only…”. Okay, I’ll shut up now… it’s Pages’ fault because I see a green line underneath and wonder what the problem is]. It’s possible it’s been here for a long time it just required a mind to think of it and get the technology to work with the idea, however, that’s a discussion or topic for another day.

So, basically what this all leads to is a realism (which is a word I’ve noticed being thrown around a lot in relation to this game) it leads to a REALISM never before REALISED in a video game. Now, yes, we’ve had games before, especially RPGs with worlds, although not real in a sense of location, world, setting, time period, whatever. Point is, with these elements combined, I think… the game has changed (look it was in my head I just can’t avoid it).

Rockstar was always an innovator when it came to sandbox or open world gaming and Redeademption 2 has upped the ante but more importantly added something. I think that’s incredibly important in today’s video games’ progress, moving forward. It’s important in everything. I know this is happening a lot with indie games too but there’s not much recognition there… I’m an idiot because I can’t give an example. I only have old examples. I remember Thomas Was Alone (hold on I have a point, okay) and Braid, oh, Limbo too. Now, they all innovated with story telling and play with the interactivity games provide. It’s why I love video games so much. There’s an interactivity and sometimes unique experience a player can get. XP… anyway it’s great to see when this moves forward.

The exclusion or delay of online play is interesting too. I won’t say much about it because I saw a video which deals with the subject, MORE LINKS. Anyway, I’ve never been that interested in online multiplayer. It’s usually a bad experience for me. However, innovations are great there too. Assassin’s Creed actually created a great multiplayer in Brotherhood I think it was. I had great fun there as did many other players too. Driver San Francisco had great multiplayer too. I just hope in Redeademption 2 it isn’t intrusive. I also hope there is no preferential treatment either. I understand it has to entice players somewhat but if there’s items which are unavailable unless you play online… actually fuck it I’m going to totally ignore all that. The game is great as it is. That’s the last I’ll say in multiplayer for now… it could be good, right?

Finally, on Redeademption 2 (because I have to wrap this up for now) is a video which mentioned this idea of telling a story without words, just simple placements of objects. It’s just so interesting to me that’s all. It’s okay if it’s not to you, everyone’s different. It was about Half-Life 2 and I’ll leave a link if I can find the video again… I watched it years ago but still remember it. Food for thought.

Anyway, I said I’d talk about NaWriMo but I’ll leave that for my final Tumblr before the November break. Yes, tut tut [Edit 04-12-18: so tut-tut requires a hyphen actually… again this is only intéressant to me], I meant to have these two finished before November.

So! Thanks for reading. My name’s Waldowski and I may see you… next week? Tumblr doesn’t really fit my outro… okay! Bye!

Wow, 11:25 and I have this one finished. I thought it’d take ages… although I’ve got to type it up yet. I make everything awkward.

[Edit 15-12-18: Didn’t take that long to get it fucking uploaded, did it?]

Links:

Red Dead Redemption 2 Review "Buy, Wait for Sale, Rent, Never Touch?"

Two missing links. It’s going to take me longer to find them and I will, however I’m posting this for now anyway. The links will be added in later. Here’s the bonus link I was going to put in anyway in the meantime.

Bonus Link (this is just interesting, especially, obviously, if you’re interested in Half-Life. I totally got lost in looking at YouTube videos on Half-Life and then Red Dead Redemption 2)

Happy Halloween!

This “Halloween” blog is so late “Happy Christmas” would be more relevant to say. Interesting, wouldn’t you say?

[waldowski89-blog]

I’m Back 2/10/18

So, I was going to chop these up into four segments. Er, I can’t even remember how to do these things. The blogs I mean. I’m still keeping on Twitch and I’m very active on Twitter please feel free to talk to me there [Edit 5-10-18: I wouldn’t if I were you.]. I’m not really very good with people though.

I don’t really have much else to say at this stage [Edit 5-10-18: then don’t.]. NaWriMo is coming up soon so I should get my head stuck into that to be fair.

I really do enjoy working on these blogs and my streams, etc. However, I’ve become a little lacklustre with streaming. I need a better routine there. It’s all gotten a bit childish really [Edit 5-10-18: because of me and only me, okay?].

Steadily Ground to a Halt 3-10-18

I’ve ground to a halt here. I know no one cares at this point. About all of this. Is this the stage at which one must get? Most people seem to end up at this point sometimes. I have been here before which is troubling. It means I’ve stepped backwards but how? It’s very confusing to be honest. I only wish someone can relate to these writings. That is all. Maybe not even interact just read and leave. It’s okay, I’ll imagine you did and it helped. Either that or guffaw at how dreary I am. It’s all a good laugh anyway [Edit 5-10-18: I could change that by simply removing one letter and replacing it with a comma changing the mood of it entirely. “It’s all good, laugh anyway.”].

Looks like this may be more than four sections. Don’t worry it won’t be longer. The sections will just be shorter. Four handwritten pages. Maybe we’ll get somewhere, maybe. Either that or this will all be an alienating piece of what the fuck.

“Loved Ones”

I thought of calling people who watch my streams (if any, I mean you must’ve realised this is an exercise in delusional narcissism by now) “Loved Ones” or “The Loved Ones”. In my head I thought it sounded nice however it’s really not Waldowski’s style. For him all we do is apply a little irony and a little melodrama. Although I say little, it’s kind of an understatement. You see he’d call them “Loved Ones” in a sneery way. As in you’re loved but he is not. Is that strange? As I write this I sit here and sneer back at him. At the thought of him. A repulsive, vile character. Then I think literally tonight I have to go through my routine and become him again [Edit 5-10-18: I don’t think I did in the end.]. How confusing and contrary. The thought makes me sick.

Who is this (gosh, it’s gotten a little amateur dramatics in here but fuck it, it’s Tumblr)? What is this things inside of me? He makes my skin itch and I’m very uncomfortable. Let’s sit with the thought for a bit or maybe not.

What happened in my head? A demented wraith wandering around my mind. At first you were funny but I’m not quite so sure anymore.

The Mirror Metaphor

Oh, indeed, the narcissists greatest friend or fiend. (How long did that one take ya?) Cackling, cackling to himself in the mirror, in here in my writings, and in my head. Don’t go overboard Andrew with your deranged fantasies, you’ll scare the children.

Gosh what fantafilled things one finds online. Most of it bollocks in more ways than one. It didn’t take long to become him now did it? Also “fantafilled”? Are you sure you’re not just thirsty?

I heard that joke. See, now we’re amused.

NaWriMo

Time for a quick diversion. I must stop writing like this. Only a month to prepare. Although I have many ideas to pick from. Many characters and many melting pots.

Negativity spreads like wildfire. I must make sure not to get caught in a downward helix.

I must be tired. Why else would I be writing this way? I seem to have gotten a lot of this done today so I guess that’s a plus. It was a little strange though. I have no idea where that came from. My mind is a little wavy.

These titles don’t seem to reflect what they are about (“you”?). Not really. I like that they seem cryptic. Hopefully, in a few years I won’t understand them. Maybe tomorrow I won’t [Edit 05-10-18: I guess you want an update on that, huh? Let’s just say I still kinda do and most of this is dramatics]. It must be typed up and uploaded but for why or what I don’t know.

Conclusions?

Posturing, preposterous posturing, that’s my guess. I’ve kind of lost the thread a bit here. It’s like I’ve been hit in the head and everything rhymes. Sentences are twirling around my head like it’s a cartoon.

Was any of it funny? I don’t think so. Maybe people are politer online than I thought or more likely there’s more afoot. I can’t stop writing like this and it’s annoying me [Edit 05-10-18: I keep complaining of writing funny or weirdly but I see nothing wrong with it. At the time I thought it was all dramatic and rhymy. It is kind of but to me now it’s not so noticeable.]. Why for so long such a huge gap? Where did I go? I don’t think I can coherently answer that. Here nor anywhere… Jesus Christ stop it my pen ran out…

[Edit 05-10-18: …and it really did. What does it mean? Absolutely nothing, it was a coincidence. It was low anyway I have been using it a lot. In any case, about where I’ve been: I got lazy.]

[waldowski89-blog]

20/03/18 16:00 (part two)

28/03/18 13:22

What I’ve Been up to

(but I’m a little too mysterious to say anything interesting or of worth)

So, I’m coming back to writing this. A whole week break! Never mind.

16:53

Okay, well I just read it back, what gibberish! Anyway, I got sidetracked with other stuff. So, as I said before breaking the posts up might be a good idea, we will see. It’s not a new concept. See, with the advent of the internet and the: “proliferation of information” as they say [MGS 2 Reference] people consume a lot more information and at a higher rate. This means people are less likely to read a wall of text… so hello, thank you for reading this far. So, my point was breaking text up even just having shorter paragraphs means you may retain an audience for longer. I learnt this from a journalism course I did years ago. So, if you go look at a news website now they will have much shorter paragraphs and even possibly just shorter articles in general. That reminds me of Sharticles a series on the YouTube channel Barshens with Stuart Ashen and Barry Lewis among others. A YouTube search of Sharticles will find it but I’ll put links at the end (gosh, so many links). You may know them already and they have their own YouTube channels too so I’ll put even more links at the bottom.

Okay, well that doesn’t explain what I’ve been doing and there was a point in bringing all that up… I’ve just forgotten what it was. Well, the main thing is what I’ve been doing… not much u? … Seriously, not much: Youtube stuff, Twitch stuff (don’t get me started on that shit show) and Twitter stuff. I’ve got plenty planned for Insta too. My main account will be random pictures but mainly screenshots from my streams on Twitch (so PS4 gaming screenshots and moments). I just have to bloody transfer the things to my phone and then post them. Also my paragraphs are intentionally longer here, I dunno why, maybe I’m just a dick.

Oh yeah, I think my point earlier was that I titled the next section but drifted immediately so far off track (probably because I wrote that title last week and I was only gunna take a short break of an hour which turned into a week) that I’m thinking I’ll just write these freeform with no structure and figure it out later… or on the go… FUCK I DON’T KNOW!

“we’ll do it live” a tiny voice in my head screams.

“Waldowski”? The Differences Between Each Medium (okay, yes I wrote the title before writing the thing, shush. I know what I want to write here already)

Okay, finally, I don’t know if you’ve noticed a difference between each “medium” or “platform” or “type” of social media I use (yes, that sentence was padding). I don’t even know if it was entirely intentional but here on Tumblr it was at least. See, I use Tumblr basically as an outlet of my thoughts fortnightly. I shouldn’t explain but I’ve said Waldowski is a character before, therefore he doesn’t exist, I suppose, 24/7. So, to write a thousand words in his psyche would be a pointless exercise I think. There’s mainly shouty angry people who live inside his head so it would be a ridiculous mess… which this isn’t… obviously. Right, so basically he may pop up in spirit here but this is mainly a behind the scenes and hopefully showing what’s going on in a more general sense.

[04 - 10 - 17 Edit: I don’t know what to make of that paragraph. It seems very odd to me now. It’s all still true but it sounds quite non comital as it were. Airy fairy and quite contrary. See, it is still fucking true. I never make any sense.]

So, Twitter was always meant to be more Waldowski and Twitch is probably a weird mash up of everything in one place, God knows! Instagram will hopefully be the most neutral place with gameplay moments and focussing on the stories contained within them.

[04 - 10 - 17 Edit: Again, I have no fucking idea what I’m talking about.]

Lastly, Waldowsktree is just a dude who walks around taking pictures of trees. I wouldn’t talk to him… sounds like a nutter to me.

So, that just about wraps everything up. If there’s anything I’ve missed I’ll get around to it next time. What a bloody, incoherent, rambly, load of old bollocky mess this fucking was.

[04 - 10 -17 … maybe it was intentional then.]

My name’s Waldowski. Thank you to every single one of you who read and I may see you tomorrow.

I FUCKING FINISHED IT! YES!

Links:

My Twitter

My Twitch

My Instagram

Some Nutter

References:

Barshens

Sharticles Playlist

Ashens

My Virgin Kitchen

[waldowski89-blog]

Another Old Essay.

(Okay, again, please don’t judge this essay too harshly. Let’s just say it was written a long time ago. As with all the writings here don’t take them too seriously. They’re just random ramblings. Also apparently my tutor said I’d pretty much missed the fucking point. I think if you change the title of the essay to something else it might make sense. Tsk, undergraduates.)

‘European Culture gained in strength and identity by setting itself off against the Orient as a sort of surrogate and even underground self’ (Edward Said, Orientalism). Discuss the presentation of the racial /cultural ‘Other’ in one or more texts studied on this unit.

Romanticism was a movement concerned with the inner self and consciousness. It tried to question the moral beliefs and values people had. Edward Said’s book, Orientalism, was concerned with how Europe compared itself to the Orient. As stated this gives the idea of, Europe as one entity, more strength and unites people to question others and what their motives are compared to Europe’s “superior” and “correct” ones. It is, arguably, impossible to create a society which is perfect, however, it can be interesting to see how Romanticism questions the problematic nature of creating something which can lead to many moral implications.

Firstly, Othering is concerned with creating a norm in which you can define yourself. This generates parameters which establish a correct way of thinking and if broken you become the other and your opinion is disregarded. In exploring this idea Wilkinson and Kitzinger (1996: 14-15) state:

‘First, in both the strategies already discussed, the Other is conceptualized as a member of an oppressed group in relation to which the person doing, or refusing to do, representational work is a dominant group member.’

This quote suggests how othering creates a dominant group. It also talks about the difficulties in representing the other. It can be said if you sympathise or agree with the other then you are part of them. This problem has been the subject of many narratives and with the beginning of Romanticism, which questioned peoples’ morals, the notion of who the other is becomes unclear.

Mary W. Shelley’s Frankenstein begins to look at this idea. Although the main point of the book may have been to deter the advancements in science that interfered with nature, a recurring theme of the narrative is the conscious mind and how making what is thought to be the right decision is rationalised. It also questions if who you are determines whether you can make the right decisions.

Chapter eight of Frankenstein deals with the other of the guilty. When it is thought that Justine has committed the crime of murder she becomes the other. In this case the way of dealing with this is by execution. Frankenstein refers to Justine at points as a victim because he knows the truth. Regardless of this he keeps quiet because he will become the other too if the truth is known.

‘And when I received their cold answers and heard the harsh, unfeeling reasoning of these men, my purposed avowal died away on my lips. Thus I might proclaim myself a madman, but not revoke the sentence passed upon my wretched victim.’ (Page, 85)

This shows that when someone is suspected of being the other unless there is an entirely feasible explanation they can never escape the situation they are in.

Moreover, others can be determined by political and religious opinions. In chapter 14 Frankenstein’s monster tells the story of what happened to the family he was observing. The reader is positioned to sympathise with them and one, Felix, wishes to defend a Turkish family. Being strangers in Felix’s country and not agreeing with the government the Turkish family are sentenced to death. Similarly to Frankenstein earlier, Felix believes the decision is unjust. However, when Felix frees them, because he is not the other his family receives a lesser sentence. The father of the Turkish family then goes on to betray Felix because of his religious beliefs.

In addition, this part of the novel represents the other in different ways. The father of the Turkish family is represented as being untrustworthy and deceitful.

‘He loathed the idea that his daughter should be united to a Christian, but feared the resentment of Felix if he should appear lukewarm’ (Page, 120)

Although this shows the disingenuous character of the Turkish father it also tells the reader that he thinks Felix is the other and should not be trusted. It raises an interesting point about how people we see as others also see us as others which compounds the problem of the idea.

However, the main binary opposition in the novel is between Frankenstein, the creator, and his monster, the created. The representation of each is confusing because both have done wrong but the reader is positioned to sympathise with both of them. The narrative mainly comes from Frankenstein and so we sympathise with him the most, when the monster is conflicted he reacts with rage and destruction which results in the reader disliking his character. Frankenstein however tries to bear his monster’s crimes as his own:

‘I am the assassin of those most innocent victims; they died by my machinations.’ (Page, 180)

In addition, His monster is perceived to be the other. He is therefore mainly represented as the villain. He torments his creator throughout the novel  and when shunned from society responds with violence.

‘I, like the arch-fiend, bore a hell within me, and finding myself unsympathised with, wished to tear up the trees, spread havoc and destruction around me, and then to have sat down and enjoyed the ruin.’ (Page, 131)

It would seem from these actions that the other is sub-human and rejected from society and their only response to this is through extreme acts. Although this reading is problematic it seems that in secluding the other and agreeing something is different and wrong, without being sympathetic towards them, will only torment and evoke a violent reaction. Williams (1992: 153) writes:

‘The presence of the (unknown) other alters and decenters its situation. In this altered situation, the self finds itself as an “othered” being, i.e, as changed and alienated. The epistemologically distant other must at the outset be regarded negatively, as a stranger, as threat’

This quote shows how the idea of the other can create needless conflicts. It suggests that calling something the other, or separate from normal, then there is a divide. This means the representations when exploring the idea of the other have to be considered carefully.

In conclusion, the representation of the other is very effective in Frankenstein this is because it does not dismiss the motives and sufferings of them. It also shows that the idea is hard to get away from as it has been set in place by natural fears that people have. Everyone’s natural reaction to a monster or something different from themselves is to fear it and so maybe the idea is unescapable.

Bibliography

Primary Source Shelley, M. W. (1994) Frankenstein or, The Modern Prometheus, Penguin Popular Classics.

Secondary Sources Jones, D. M. and Smith, M. L. R. (2006) ASEAN and East Asian international relations: regional delusion, Edward Elgar Publishing.

Wilkinson, S. and Kitzinger, C. (1996) Representing the other: a Feminism and psychology reader, SAGE.

Williams, R. R. (1992) Recognition: Fichte and Hegel on the other, SUNY Press.

[waldowski89-blog]

20/03/18 16:00 (part one)

(Edit: Although this was supposed to be posted a while ago I will post in two parts as that is how this was written. A lot has changed and that’s not really saying much however what has changed really hasn’t changed that much at all which evidently says a lot. Enjoy!)

Everything’s Just Cringeworthy Really, Ain’t It?

Right, let’s get the ink changed in my pen first!

Hello! Again, it’s been a while since I wrote one of these posts. Not much has happened really. I Always say that. It’s like my catchphrase. I’ll say that when the apocalypse happens… YES “WHEN”.

Anyway, I’ve been trying TRYING to write a post for ages (do or do not, right? Don’t quote Star Wars Andrew) So, there may be a couple of posts here that were from ages ago I half finished. I obviously think it’s important to upload them. Just get everything out there, right? No, not everything of course. What would be the point in that? I’d just bore you all to death although I’m already doing that.

In any case (jeeze it took me a paragraph to say I’m posting a couple of half finished posts) SO, I want to get back to my old routine, with more Twitch streaming of course and Instagram posts too! I’ll put links at the end to it all like a good boy. Just remember that Waldowski may be a little abrasive and sometimes offensive, however, I’ve been informed he’s not actually that offensive. Jeeze “The Offensive/Offended Epidemic” let’s not get into that fuck storm right now. That would be boring.

I’ve updated my set up very recently (like a couple of weeks ago in fact). So I have a PS4 Pro which means I can stream in 1080p (I would stream in 60fps too but it comes up with a warning saying gameplay recording will be paused… WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT IN THAT! all cutscenes and no gameplay makes Waldowski a dull boy) This will result in cleared Let’s Plays and colours/gameplay will look better/smoother etc.

Mental Breakdown

Oh! I literally though of an idea just now of how I could structure these posts. See I write them scrappy with pen and paper first and usually write four pages. My goal is 1,000 words each post and every Wednesday is when I post. Anyway, I could have four topics for each post. Okay, now I’m just using this post to plan others. It could work though, right, because it will break the posts up. Most of these “blogs” or whatever illicit the response: “Too long didn’t want to live anymore” anyway. At least with topics you could choose what you want to read. Okay, I’m getting sidetracked. This post will be mostly rambling anyway because I haven’t posted in a long time… ramble ramble. Bun bun doing a ramble hop hop SO CUTE. ANDREW SHUT UP! DON’T HAVE ANOTHER BLOODY MENTAL BREAKDOWN ON TUMBLR! Although, this is the place for mental breakdowns, right? Friggin’ Tumblr… I’m literally now mocking the platform and fan base… users? of said platform. Like a fucking lecturer screaming at his students and then turning his anger towards the stage: “And another thing! You bloody stage! Being all slippery and dangerous!” and then he just picks up a sledgehammer and starts smashing up the floor.

Ahem, where was I? I got sidetracked. Oh yeah… no where really.

[waldowski89-blog]

30/11/17 12.40am

Your mind really can be your worst enemy. It can lock you in a prison and be so awful you never want to leave the house. It can literally be your own personal hell.

Anyway, HELLO FRIENDOS ! What’s up? You can tell me I’m listening. DM me on Twitter @Waldowski89 that’s where you’re most likely to get my attention.

So, in any case, that last blog was a bullshit and a failure. Oh well. At least I kept on with Twitter and Twitch streaming (@Waldowski89 … spotting a pattern?) What I decided to do instead is spend longer on my story. I never wanted to rush it on NaWriMo anyway. I was going to use a different story but time was running out so I just used the one I already had. Too much procrastination. I’ve hyped up my story too much by the way. It will be shit. Shrug.

Okay, I’m getting back on track slowly. I’ve got loads of book titles in my phone notes so I could make those into short stories. [three examples] That would be a good exercise.

(28/03/2018 Edit: That would be a good idea actually but no I’m not going to put three examples here right now. I do have a lot of book title ideas but there’s an explanation for that which I’m not going to go into here. It’s just a dumb game I play sometimes with generating book title ideas by kind of random. I find three letters and then make up three words LOOK I SAID I’M NOT GOING INTO IT… suffice it to say, I have a lot and it’s entirely possible for me to create short stories to go with them. Not whole books of course. Also I think I was again doing a weird joke at the beginning. Just think of me as being a bit of a Mister Grumpy Pants sometimes.

Actually, no, I just looked at some titles and they don’t make sense… OKAY FINE, I’ll put three:

Very Jelly, Very

Liquid Crystal Experiment

Vague Beautiful Memories

Okay, I suppose that might not be too difficult

Quick Update: My actual post should be up tomorrow and HOPEFULLY I’ll post regularly here again.

Hey! I just thought of another possible book title!

HAPPY BELATED ANNNIVERSARY!

Nah, that’s just stupid… it’s too belated.)

(Wow, the edit was longer than the fucking post)

[waldowski89-blog]

17 or 18 October 2017?

Hello again everyone!

So, I’m now getting on and still keeping busy. I shouldn’t or don’t need to list goals. I should just blumming well do them! Well, yeah I’m… eurgh, I’m going to do the National Writer’s Month thing. *screams*… so yeah I’ll be tired of writing that month. Wait I mentioned it before right? It’s where you write and upload 50,000 words all written in the month of November (yes very soon!). Right, so, a while ago I set myself the task of writing 1,000 words each week for Tumblr (sorry I’m a bit behind!) and well yeah this is just over that a day for the whole month! I won’t be hand writing it and then copying it to computer like I have recently started doing. One, to save my hand and two, to save time!

20/10/17. So, I’m still on target. I have to stop saying “so” though. Just think of it as being ironic at this point. Okay, neat trick in the last sentence “being” wasn’t really needed (also you could uncontract words but that’d be weird) but it beefs up the word count. I shouldn’t say that. I’ve not really got anything else to say though. See, when you do, or try to do, a stream everyday you kinda say everything.

I’ve really been getting into Ashens the YouTube channel and man… well that sounds weird but I like him. How can I make this less weird OH YES! In a completely platonic way I wish I could have him on my sofa to review… okay moving on.

01/11/17. Okay SO after reading this I must’ve gotten carried away with a joke or some shit.

Welp, I’ve been procrastinating all day. I really wanted to finish this before starting on the NaWriMo thing. Well, I’ve still got time. This will be the last Tumblr until November is over. Even IF I fail it will show me how much I can do in a month. Right now I’m positive that I can do it. I’m not going to say what it’s about. I don’t think you are supposed to anyway or post details online. I’ve got a kind of good idea though… ;-)

16/11/17 03:48

So, I’m coming back to this post. I wanted this to be finished on 1st Nov at least, but hey ho… NO DICE.

Okay, so lets get this writing done. Er. Forced writing is not good right?… Write…

(28/03/2018 Edit: I think it was at this point I passed out. Good timing huh?)

[waldowski89-blog]

Two Lazy Weeks in the Making… (somewhere at the beginning of August 2017)

(Edit: Okay, the title sounds more dramatic than the actual bulk of this post but lets get into the ramblings of a madman who talks about nothing whilst trying to make it sound interesting. I’m also going to have to do a lot of writing as I want to catch up with all the post I’ve missed… which is a lot. Off we go into the post then)

(After Edit: Scroll to the credits music at the bottom and you can also listen to some albums/music that I listened to while writing this)

Hello again, I’m back! Not that I really left. I’ve been over on Twitch and Twitter mainly. So I’ve got lots of plans for social media stuff and am keeping myself busy. I know this shouldn’t be a diary type thing. Those can be boring. Especially mine seen as nothing much really happens in my life… honest!

I will be starting an Instagram account this week… yay! Please feel free to follow me on all my different accounts. It sounds like it’s all me me me (meme, har har) but I promise you it will all be entertaining… like a train wreck is entertaining. Tune in to watch a fully grown man go slowly insane. (Edit: That’s a laugh)

I’ve said before that: “Waldowski” is a character of mine and he is. However, my own personality seems to be… “shining” through in his work… or my work I suppose.

(12/8/17 (Edit: English style date)):

Right, so I wrote the top part a few days ago (Thurs 10/8/17 I think) and now I’m coming back to this. I’m going back to my old schedule and goals and adding a few things. When I do Twitch streams, which should be everyday. TWITCH STREAM ERRYDAY *AIRHORNS* I may do longer than an hour. I just bought Assassin’s Creed Origins too so stay tuned for that, exciting stuff! (Edit: I literally just bought it because I forgot to enter the discount code. What a mess!)

I was watching a vid earlier about Michael Jackson’s involvement in creating the music for Sonic 3. It was very interesting and I have heard about this before. The whole thing is pretty much confirmed now but it’s interesting to follow all the theories and research that’s been done into this. I won’t reiterate what’s already been said but I will link the recent vid on the subject. There are links in there too so hopefully I haven’t sent you into a research, insomniac inducing frenzy of a pit of information where you’re just holding a steaming cup of coffee with straggly hair and bloodshot eyes just looking for your next fix on that Michael Jackson/Sega music conspiracy… and breathe. Sorry for that long sentence, I got carried away.

Okay I’m back writing this again on 13/8/17. I’m going to finish this post tonight! I’m watching Key and Peele again. Those guys are funny, anyway, what I’m doing is writing out four pages by hand with my brilliant Parker fountain pen… okay… I think I’ve really lost it. I’m coming back out of retirement (secret link of more Key and Peele I didn’t post on twitter) (Edit: I put it in the Research section below too. Also, thanks to Philip DeFranco for the idea of a secret link. What fun!)

More plans are a: “Let’s Read” YouTube channel called: “Waldowski Reads”. I still have to get a few things to set that up first. It will be much like a let’s play channel but with me trying to read a book… funny, eh?

This kinda reminds me of when I’d do work at University. I’d have to set goals, plan things, etc… I have been doing this but falling behind lately. In any case none of that matters now. I’ve gotta move on and get on with actually doing stuff.

So, everything’s planned out for a little while for me. Anything happening out there? (apart from all the bad news of course. I already know about that stuff) I genuinely mean it too with following me on social media. I try to talk to as many people as I can nowadays.

Blergh, how did I do this before? A few months ago I’d bang out 1,000 words like it was nothing.

Oh my God, I totally forgot, Na Wri Mo (Edit: Almost, but it’s Na NO Wri Mo because it happens in November) is happening soon. Ugh, I’d always wanted to try it for years. What I’m worried about is one whether what I write will be any good, if I stick to it (quitting will feel like a massive failure for me) and if I’ll take it seriously (nothing should, I suppose) (Edit: Kinda gave up on the numbering of reasons, didn’t I ?) but I’ve had a tendency to let things travel into the realm of ridiculousness before… hmn, maybe that’s a good thing? It might turn out silly and fun for once. I’m not putting “The Vague Chronicles” in there either. Maybe the characters can crossover, I dunno.

It’s pretty much 12:00am as I write this. I’m gonna get it finished before I sleep anyway. So it’s four sides of handwritten A4 pages… did I already write that?

In any case, I keep liking vids on YouTube but they don’t stay liked (random I know but what else can I write… look at this shit. How the fuck is my Na Wri Mo (Edit: Pleb) project going to look? I don’t even have a plan Jesus Christ. Also yes I’m swearing… I’ve been drinking a little bit too. I’m not an example of how life should be lived… this is just an account of how I’m living mine)

Shit, I’m supposed to disappear. Well, at least in novel writing I am. Writing is about the characters not me, at least that what I’ve been told. I’ve also been told: “Write what you know”.

Back again. Been distracted by life. In… anyway what I was saying was ugh… it doesn’t matter I’m not supposed to be in the story, my characters are… but why do I become them sometimes? I have to… that’s the point.

So, this is the last page (handwritten anyway)

Damn, look at this, I’m letting myself get distracted at every turn. It’s 4:04 in the morning and I haven’t finished. I’ll have to type all this up tomorrow. Hello me! Weird right? You’re typing this up and I’m talking to you. (Edit: … yes very… I hope I get back to the point, whatever it was)

So, seriously. I dunno. This pen is kinda cool, right? Tired AndwewsiesTM. This will go up on Tumblr. I know I’m irrelevant at the moment. So drunk WHO CARES ABOUT THAT!? Nevermobf.

So, Assassin’s Creed Origins is coming soon… in October. Hopefully I’ll be ready to do a let’s play/stream hey I might even do an unboxing. It’s a collector’s edition with a figure and other stuff too. I’ll do it like the vid I’m showing someone now. Wink wink. (Edit: It was just me reading the handwritten version out… HUSHIES) She gets to see the handwritten stuff. This is her day after all! The best fan/troll anyone could ever hope for.

Gosh my writing is getting bad, so drunk. I’m okay of course. Oh! So there’s like four things I think I have to link in this “blog”. Um, the Michael Jackson Sonic 3 vid, the music from the Jetzons associated with that, the Key and Peele vid, oh and finally the AC Origins pic.

I’m back but for now… goodbye and I will see… MAY see you tomorrow. My name’s Waldowski and thank you to everyone who read this or listened.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ILY UWU!

AW

Research Links:

A Brief History of Michael Jackson's Sonic the Hedgehog 3

The Jetzons - Hard Times(Sonic 3 Ice Cap Zone Act 1 & 2 Remix)

Michael Jackson's Moonwalker - Sega Genesis - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 63

I’m Coming out of Retirement One Last Time...

Credits Music:

Thought Beings - Italo Nights

Tommy '86 - Disco Machine - [FULL EP]

Nightcrawler - Strange Shadows - [FULL EP]

VHS Glitch - Halloween Strangers [FULL ALBUM]

Bonus

Off we go...

Into uncharted lands...

[waldowski89-blog]

230317 (Part 2)

Okay,

So, I’ve already posted today’s Tumblr but it was only three hundred and twenty-seven words long… not nearly close to one thousand.

Anyway, ummm I really had fun doing tonight’s stream. A friend showed up. Okay, it was “Lolita”.

In any case, I had a lot of fun… probably the most fun I’ve had during these streams.

So… one thousand words… one thousand. Um, . Nah, so I’ve stuck to my goals and I’m proud of that. There are people who I’ve met on twitter and other social media who have picked up my spirits. I’ve been lucky I suppose (I guess I’m challenging people to hate on me!)

Maybe it’s what I want? You know like the Joker: “c’mon hit me… I want ya to do it… HIT ME!”

[initialising interrogation protocol.]

[username]

[REDACTED]

[PROTOCOL 501]

[INITIATED]

[REDUNDANT]

[CONTINUE MAIN BODY]

Anyway… wow, so, what’s been happening over the past few weeks? Just the usual challenges I put myself through I suppose. David has appeared. He’s very cynical and hates people. He also pays a lot of attention to detail… as it were. I suppose that’s why he was in the work he was in. It’s all very vague… as he said it was.

That’s right tonight, I, hacked into his account.

You were expecting to hear from me as “he” said. It’s a ridiculous concept. Why just write one thousand words off the top of your head? I’ll let him have control of this soon. Also, he doesn’t have the facts. I already made a post on this thread… or channel.

Anyway… I’ll let read read the rest of his incessantness.

[HOST RECONFIRMED]

So, where was I? Oh, yes! One-thousand words. The stream was fun um. I don’t know really. Maybe I’m just a man verging on middle age. I don’t know. This definitely isn’t a mid-life crisis.

WOW! spinning plates! What am I doing really? I don’t know. I may be a very disturbed person… [you aren’t… you want my involvement?]

Can’t see it. So six hundred words… I have to make up six hundred words. Quick, quick… what’s going on. so hello!?

[TAKE UP THE MANTLE]

Too dark. We aren’t two different people.

So… again I’m thinking this is a failure.

I’ve had too much fun this is like christmas. Anyway, I had the characters defined in my head. four of them. Blogs from all different perspectives. You will see, you will find them. “Electric Paradise”? We’re nearly at the end now. We’re nearly dead. I’m nearly dead.

I can’t keep this up.

Alone.

I suppose.

Help?

[AGAIN… I’LL DO THE MATH… WE’LL COME BACK TO THIS!]

[waldowski89-blog]

230317

Hello,

So… it’s 19:18 GMT and I completely forgot that I was supposed to do this. Let’s be getting on with it. I will be streaming at 20:00 GMT so I won’t get it all finished. I don’t know why I’m writing that but  there will be a break (for me at least) in between this.

I like to think of these as time bombs. One day people will see them and read them. Hell, it may not even be in my timeline. Are these writings a waste? Like I said before I’ll keep writing and see where things go. I’m guessing I’m on some kind of list and analytics are being run through this stuff to determine whether or not I’m insane. I’ll save you some time.

In any case, I have thousands of notes with jokes in them. I have various story ideas too and although I keep saying or writing these things nothing gets done. It will though.

So, today will be Assassin’s Creed 2. I’ll be doing about two hours worth of the story. I suppose I could be doing more actually and I may try that: two hours in the afternoon and two at night. I have a backlog of games and want to get more of them done.

I don’t know if I mentioned before that a lot of travel bloggers have started following me on Twitter. They have a lot of interesting pictures and I follow them back only to be recommended with more. It’s like a never ending well. It’s a good well though, filled with nice pictures and quotes.

I’d like to have more fun discussions or rather joking around with people. I like riffing off off ideas. Taking something someone said and making something comical and then having a back and forth of ideas. Maybe the ideas could be serious too. (This feels blog so rambly, I know that’s not a word)

[I’ll be back!]

[waldowski89-blog]

Blog 220317 (late)

Hello again,

I’ll be normal this time. So the last blog was written after a few drinks (obviously). Let me explain: I’ve been working on a story and yesterday I decided to just jump into it. After these two weeks are up I will post the first proper part. Hold me accountable for that!

So, what can I say? It’s actually been very helpful doing this. I know that in saying that I’m probably going to get some shit but (in the voice of Arin Hansen impersonating Sonic) “whatever, fuck it!”

Don’t worry also. I’m not losing it. What I posted yesterday was a bit crazy and didn’t make much sense but hopefully as the story unfolds it will.

I’ve met quite a few good people around the internet. I may thank them at some point on here. Some people I’ve met in real life have helped me too and I won’t forget them… even if they forget me.

This may go on Tumblr after midnight though. I got a bit behind with things.

Anyway, all that stuff is boring right? So ummmmmm I really don’t have anything interesting to say.

I said I failed at the end of yesterday’s blog because I didn’t do 1,000 words however I felt it was finished at that point. Anything else would have felt tacked on.

Wow, this is only 227 words. Why am I doing this? It was a challenge. I want to make people laugh or smile or be intrigued. Make people think. Maybe I should train as a teacher. Actually that would probably be a bad idea. Can you imagine this drunken mess in a classroom. Wow, I would want to teach English and that’s a bit of a stereotype. Educating Rita had a drinking English teacher in it. Bully the video game had one too.

So, Good Mythical Morning have been going through some changes haven’t they? They stopped selling their mugs. They’ve changed their third (?) fourth (?) channel. I think they are putting Ear Biscuits on it and other fun things. Definitely worth a look.

From drinking to GMM quite a tangent. So, it’s twelve O’clock here in Britain and I’ve kinda failed my challenge. Well, I’ll keep going with this and see if I can get to one thousand… see I said one thousand to pad it out. (God, this is like those three minute videos on YouTube that have a card that lasts seven minutes to make it to ten. Well, at least I don’t get paid for this. Wink wink)

I shouldn’t subject people to this really. Maybe I should read this out at a stand up comedy show and see what the crowd do… maybe not. I wonder if this is the definition of a joke going too far? In that I’m the joke and I just keep rambling? Maybe we’ll get somewhere eventually. Somewhere meaningful.

I’m listening to Vitalic - Rave Age “La Mort Sur Le Dancefloor” I like that track and “Fade Away”. That last sentence was eighteen words and we’ve just gone over five hundred. Are you still with me, or have you killed yourself. That became a big thing on the internet, didn’t it? (Yes it did Andrew, jeez)

Why do I constantly argue with myself?

Never mind most of this is bullshit. So, Waldowski was a character… what was his story again? He was a more grumpy, shouty version of myself. He definitely was much more of a drinker than I am. Wait, this is getting confusing. I think Colossal is Crazy said that to KeemStar once. That he switches between KeemStar and Daniel Keem sometimes. I don’t really follow the drama stuff anymore though. It was interesting for a few months but I got bored of it. I might delve into it again at one point.

That’s what I was going to say… or rather write. All that self pittying about me above is apparently the kind of thing posted on Tumblr. I mean what else do people use websites for other than complaining about something. Sports, politics, religion etc… Some people do use it positively though, like talking about travel or posting positive quotes or interests and hobbies. Also, I’ve got about four hours left if I was trying to post this on time in America… that’s positive, right? Kind of?

What is it about posting this stuff to complete strangers is so much better than letting people you know in real life read? I dunno… we’re all still people after all. Unless you find one of those bots… then it’s not a people… it’s a bot. Microsoft created an AI too didn’t they? It was deactivated after a few weeks (I think) because the internet ruined it with memes. Why is that so funny? They created something and thought it was going to be positive then it started spewing out Harambe stuff and racist stuff and other stuff. The internet destroyed it. It’s like when someone sees a budding flower and they just jump all over it, crushing it into the ground and…

Oh, sorry what was I saying… I passed out. Crikey or blimey… I can’t post this can I? Wait that’s probably a meme for me.

Meme’s: “I can’t post that can I?” “Crikey, oh sorry, I meant blimey.” “Crikey.” “Blimey.” “I’m British.” “So… shit!” “I just died.” “TAKE FIVE HUNDRED!” “It’s all right, I’ll do it this time… shit.” “Wow these people are angry.” “Um.”

(can I really just make up memes for the rest of the one thousand words?)

“No.” *coughs*

Right well, it’s probably time to wrap up. I’m going to keep on keeping on with this and like I said hopefully we’ll get somewhere interesting. Unless I just alienate the audience. Side Note: That is a technique used in some off off broadway shows I think. I remember learning about it. Samuel Beckett uses that method. It’s all existential ramblings. (Did you just try and compare yourself to Samuel Beckett?) No, I just mean that’s a thing… nevermind.

My name’s Waldowski. Thank you to every single one of you who read this and I may see you tomorrow!

CUT!

“I bubbed him good.”

“BUUUUUUUUUUB!” (I’m not even gonna read this back. It’s going straight up)

[waldowski89-blog]

Blog 210317

Hello,

So, I suppose I’ll start all of these blogs with that. If you’ve been following me on Twitter and Twitch than you might know my goals… hell, if you follow me here you may also too!

It’s been a weird week. It’s been a weird year. I started to do the things that I wanted and as predicted… my work seems to be attacked at every… well seam. I can see you. I know you’re out there… watching.

I don’t care really. You want to pacify me for some reason. Everytime I try something new; everytime I try something different there is a barrier. I need to watch Fargo the TV series again.

You want me to fall into a crowd… it won’t happen. I stand out I always have done and you will not silence me.

(you seem mad… or rather insane, Andrew)

Well… where were you?

(Always here, always)

So… let’s make a story together.

(Okay, where do we begin?)

Right here! Fuck it! Fuck all the plans! Let’s start over. They never knew whether or not David was real.

(You kept him hidden, right?)

Right, is he real? No… he’s not :-)

(Where is he?)

Right here, of course. He’s watching, always watching… he knows how.

(He’s your friend right? He’s vague?)

Yeah, I don’t know where he is now. I never did. I’m listening to “The Low Murderer is Out at Night” by the way.

(and now?)

“ARE YOU READY!” Code… David likes that.

(Does he? Why)

Stop with your questions. I never knew where he was really. We’d talk… that’s all, talk.

(About what?)

Let me speak… let me think. I’m tired of your interruptions.

(Are you really going to upload this to Tumblr? Hah, I thought you said you weren’t like that!)

LET. ME. THINK!

(No one cares about your fan-fiction. Shut the fuck up!)

This isn’t fan-fiction. Right? … David?

So, the Vague Chronicles, this is them. Vague right? No, not really? Well, shut up it’s about to get more complicated than this.

So, let me explain, there have been at least four characters in my head for years. They all talk; they all argue. Things are much bigger than you and me. I must get this out on the internet because it’s shaky… I’m shaky.

As I stand… or sit, here now, “The Vague Chronicles” is nothing. It’s just a thing. Everything I’ve built up till this point will be brought into this story. I make no sense. Vague. Vagueness.

David’s watching and over the next few weeks he will make an appearance… I guarantee it.

This is where it begins. Twenty years of non-existence and non-experience. It will all finalise. It’s not over yet… but it will be. They’ll come out of the woodwork and show themselves. Know this… I’ve prepared… I’m ready… I’ll fight back.

I’ve seen what David does and he doesn’t like me talking about him… at all. This will wake him up though. Posting this online… he’ll see it… he’ll get into contact with me. He’ll try to shut me down even… but David, post it… post it all.

I may have fucked us both over by doing this but things are too messy now. We can’t stay silent. We mustn’t.

Side Note: I’ve known David for years and this is the last straw that broke the camel’s back. We are going for it… full steam ahead. If you are afraid in reading this then abandon me. The proxy has been activated… we are code green and all thrusters, as they say, are firing. No one cares at this point… well… some do. Let’s just say that they scare even David. He won’t talk and he hasn’t for years but he’s been writing. Everything is vague at this point, obviously.

We must keep going… all of us. We must keep going forward. The amount of information that is out there… I have a hard time keeping track… isn’t that right David?

He won’t answer to this.

Anyway, I should probably talk about something more normal.

Maybe next time… I’ve given too much away.

We’ll be back… both of us.

(You’ll see)

;-)

I failed today… I really did.

Sorry.

[waldowski89-blog]

Blog 200317

Hello,

So, I challenged myself to write about a thousand words each day (Monday to Saturday) for the next two weeks. Let’s see how it goes.

What can I say? Well, I’m pretty sure you know my goals by now. One hour on Twitch a day… which is slowly turning into two. I’m really enjoying it by the way. I think I’m more relaxed in doing it. I suppose it is true that you just have to keep going with things and eventually you will get better at them. I remember when I first started (I think it was Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate) and I couldn’t talk hardly. I remember someone joined the stream and for about half an hour I didn’t say a thing. Also, another time (it was Uncharted: 2) someone joined and then left. I got a bit depressed and just said: “is anyone there? … If any one is still here please leave a comment.” No one did so I said a bunch of rubbish and quit the stream. Later though, I came back to it through determination and did a stream for about an hour. I actually enjoyed doing that one much more.

In any case, over the past few months, since I started, I’ve been keeping on top of the streaming. I have a back log of about 26 and a half hours but I’m gradually whittling that down. I like to do the stream at 20:00 GMT to 22:00 GMT (if you’re reading this friend I think that would be 16:00 for you). Like I said I enjoy doing them and if I get into the habit of doing two hours I may stick to it.

I don’t really have much to say. It’s quite hard actually trying to come up with one thousand words from nothing. How do they do it in November? I’m pretty sure some of them have full-time jobs too.

I’m trying to keep in contact with as many people as possible. It’s really fun connecting with people. I’ve felt disjointed in the past… like I don’t belong but I’m sure most people have felt like that at some point in their lives. Sometimes I just didn’t want to talk to anyone at all… and that’s just what I did. I’m pretty sure I’m a bit of a narcissist in all fairness. I’ve been called that before. It’s true that mental health should be talked about but I’m not going to give everything away just yet. Let’s just say I was staying somewhere and someone walked past the doors to my room, pointed towards it and said to whoever they were with: “That’s the narcissist, in there.” They may have had a point. I’m all for criticism after all. I’ve managed to build up quite a thick skin over the years. Although, sometimes the things people say get to me. The internet is a funny place though. Things people write can be meant in all kinds of different ways. Sometimes it doesn’t mean anything at all. Sometimes it can hurt. Sometimes it can be helpful. Sometimes it can be up lifting. Sometimes it can be brilliant.

Still rambling aren’t I? A friend told me I don’t make much sense when I’m drunk… I’m not right now though (just lightly hungover… that’s all… no big deal) To all those who stuck by me I’m thankful for you and don’t take any of it for granted. Some people have left though and I do miss them but we all have people we miss who are no longer with us for a multitude of reasons.

Blimey, shouldn’t I come up with something more helpful or cheerful? So, what does everyone think of Horizon: Zero Dawn? I like it. I think the story so far is good and the gameplay is brilliant. I just bought it on a whim and currently I’ve played about four hours of it. It looks like it’s going to be a different kind of sandbox RPG (I was about to write RPG game. RIP in peace. I said that in one of my streams don’t people actually say ATM machine? I’m sure I’ve heard that before. I’ve said it before. My Dad just calls it a: “hole in the wall” though, like most British people). I keep doing that don’t I? I keep going off on massive tangents.

So, I’m currently listening to The Glitch Mob - Drink the Sea. It’s a good album (oh shut up Andrew, you think everything’s good). Okay, let’s not confuse the reader with the arguments I have with myself.

I was going to do that years ago. I wanted to create a character who was… schizophrenic… I think. I’ll have to do research on that again but he would argue with himself. He would put both sides of the argument in one post. It would be a bit bloody confusing though… and maybe a little annoying. I think a reader wouldn’t know wether I was coming or going.

I’ve created a few characters over the years. I haven’t really used them in stories though. At one point I used to talk to them. It sounds a bit childish but I like to think it helps develop the characters. That’s what you’re doing anyway when you write fiction. It’s just a bunch of people you’ve made up doing things.

O… kay I think I got onto weird territory in this blog so I’ll wrap it up. I’m going to be streaming regularly and I’ll mostly be on Twitter @Waldowski89 that’ll be the best place to contact me, either through the replies or DMs I really don’t mind. Say hi! (seriously though you can say what you like to me or rather you can talk about whatever you want. I’ll try my best to be cognisant and comprehendible. I suppose it all just depends on when you catch me, hopefully not outside… ha?)

So, if you’re still reading this then thanks. I hope these words help someone… maybe at least pass the time.

As always… thank you to every single one of you who read this, my name’s Waldowski, and I may see you tomorrow. (most likely in a Twitch stream).

CUT!