walkingworlds-blog

[walkingworlds-blog]

Wei WuXian walked toward the rendezvous point that he and Lan WangJi were supposed to meet at. Nobody walked among the sparse lights that flickered in the night. Without having to look around, the white-robed figure stood at the end of the street, standing motionless with his head hung low. Before Wei WuXian made any sound, Lan WangJi looked up and saw him. After some hesitation, he walked over with a darkened expression. Wei WuXian didn’t know why, but he involuntarily took a step backward. He could almost see scarlet streaks of blood by the corners of Lan WangJi’s eyes. He had to admit… Lan WangJi’s face really did look quite scary. (Chapter 24)

This section is utterly murdering me.

In an "oh, this is an actual peek at how LWJ is actually handling the early days after WWX comes back to life" kind of way.

You have to understand: WWX has been trying to escape him ever since they met again (under the unfounded fear that LWJ would go after him if he knew who WWX actually is).

Wei WuXian originally wanted to sneak away during their expedition off the mountain. However, even though he attempted to run away multiple times, it always ended with Lan WangJi carrying him back with one hand holding the back of his collar. (Chapter 20)

One can argue about how much of an actual effort WWX was putting into the entire escaping ordeal, but the fact remains that LWJ has been stopping him consistently enough it's no secret. LWJ, however, doesn't have a way to know that's why WWX is avoiding him. Hell, he probably thinks it has something to do with his own feelings given the events of the previous life, which is heartbreaking all in itself.

The pace of the conversation was extremely fast. Lan WangJi only paused for a moment, and Wei WuXian added, “Go. Any later and the person would have run away. I’ll be back!” Hearing the ‘I’ll be back’, Lan WangJi took one deep look at him and walked off without any more words. (Chapter 23)

(The translation I'm reading in another language makes the "I'll be back" be "I'll be back for sure." I can't tell which is the more accurate translation, but I thought it relevant to point out.)

However, in this moment, WWX asks them to act separately (something LWJ has been actively avoiding) and does so with the promise to meet up with him again. LWJ seems to hesitate, but ultimately chooses to trust WWX and does as he says.

And then, with his task over, he reaches the spot they're supposed to meet at. The hours pass and WWX is nowhere to be seen. By the time WWX gets there, LWJ is looking down with his eyes bloodshot, stuck in place, waiting ever so patiently for him but clearly not in a good space of mind. The intensity of his whole demeanor takes WWX aback, at least until LWJ realizes WWX is hurt and the turmoil is replaced by concern, but.......

It has been hours. He has been having to keep an active eye on WWX so he doesn't escape for a few weeks at the very least. He finally decides to trust WWX, to separate for efficiency's sake for a short while, and he probably believed himself the fool for it. That he, by some miracle, got a second chance with the man he loves and that man rejected him even as a friend in the single, most backhanded way possible.

As happy as he must be to have WWX back, there's no way LWJ in the early parts of the novel is having a good time. Most likely, he spends 90% of the time second guessing WWX's very, very confusing behavior towards him. And, at this specific point, I feel he's actually nearly at his limit. His position is so frail, after all, having to impose his presence on the other to be even given a chance and, for a moment there, he's likely to have believed it all a lost cause once again.