wanderlustfueledinsanity - Tumblr blog

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This was so fucking satisfying to watch

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Things I like about this decal on a restaurant window: -the insane orange waiter -that he’s carrying his plates in the air like a strongman -the couple looks like this isn’t the first time he’s done this, but it’s easier to just let it happen at this point. -the sign says PASTA as if he’s screaming it like a frankenstein -but he’s holding a plate of an entire chicken and a plate of wine glasses -there’s three wine glasses -one’s for him.

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why is this so funny

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Stu, let me ask you a question: how did you not realize until then that you had too many eggs? Nobody sells eggs in a big cloth-covered basket, so you must have done that yourself. That means you spent god-knows-how-long opening up twelve whole cartons of eggs, carefully placing each egg one-by-one inside a big basket, and then covering it with a big picnic cloth… and at no point- at no point- did you ever stop and think “gee, there might be TOO MANY FUCKING EGGS HERE”

You really have lost control of your life.

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theres no way in hell you can guess how this video ends

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The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it’s honestly a waste that my entire life isn’t constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS

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You two are so cute! 💙

my friend’s sister is an animal behavioralist and said that the reason aren’t many lesbian penguins because girl penguins don’t traditionally do mating rituals and just wait for their mates to come to them so really there’s no difference between lesbian penguins and lesbian humans

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Go North, Young Enby!

Off to Michigan's Upper Peninsula! We diverted through Kalamazoo so I could vote in the midterm primary election. I've taken 131 down to Indiana before, and that was awesome, so I was delighted when I realized we'd be taking it north.

Last night we stayed in the All Seasons Resort in Kalkaska. I was a little apprehensive, expecting a small and seedy place for the $122 a night.

When we walked in, my fears were assuaged by the bright, woodsy interior. The friendly receptionist at the counter gave us the last room, and after the council of mounted deer heads above the counter decided us worthy, we hauled our luggage up to the room.

The room was enormous! A bit sparsely decorated, but the feel of the place matched the feel of the north- people in small communities, surrounded by vast spaces.

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FLOOF

Fluffy monster

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Omfg

this is the same grandma who once implicated me against my will in the theft of a cardboard stand-me-up Jack Sparrow cut-out, a heist that literally involved her throwing her keys at me from about 20 feet away and shouting “START THE CAR”

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I love it

tom holland is the embodiment of “in my defense i was left unsupervised”

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Holy hell...

WRITTEN BY @gigglinggoblin

[addressing: any]

Oh, um… hi. Um…

… do you wanna play? I’m, um, really horny right now. She hasn’t been by in a really long time, and I’m… like, really, really horny right now. Good pets need to be taken care of at least twice a day. They need to be played with. Made nice and empty and pliant for Her. According to that nice, ticking clock over there, it’s been more than a day.

Oh, it’s okay if you don’t. It’s okay. Aw, you look really sleepy, too! Was it hard to get in here? You look so tired.

You don’t feel it? But your eyes are so droopy. Your eyelids are so heavy. It’s so hard to keep them open, isn’t it, sweetie? Isn’t it?

I’m pretty sleepy too. See how my pretty eyes keep… drifting… getting all glassy and dumb and docile? I can’t help it. I’m just a dreamy little pet.

Ooh, don’t worry. It couldn’t happen to you, too. No, I’m really, um, silly and sleepy, because of this pretty necklace.

Isn’t it nice? So shiny and glinty and… ooh, and it feels so nice to have it on. You have no idea. It makes me nice and horny and dreamy and dumb for Her. I just lie here for hours and hours, just sleeping and dreaming, ready for Her… or, um, whoever else wants to play. I can’t touch myself. That’s for, um, bad pets. And I’m a very, very good pet.

Are you sure you don’t wanna play? Okay. That’s okay. It’s nice to talk. It’s nice of you to sit here and talk to me. So nice and easy to just sit there and talk, and listen, listen to all my words, watch my pretty eyes…

And it doesn’t help with that clock always ticking in here. No, it doesn’t. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick… tick… tick… tock. Mm, it makes me so sleepy just listening to it. Makes me wanna curl up and cuddle here, so horny and dreamy and obedient…

And I’m such a good pet. It’s so nice to be a good pet. This necklace makes me a nice, happy pet, and that feels so good, doesn’t it? I love being obedient for Her. I can just lie here, so happy and peaceful and pliant and submissive…

Are you sure you don’t wanna play? You seem a little horny now. Maybe just a little touching? A little kissing? Maybe a lick or two? Ooh, I promise I won’t get greedy. Good pets just want to feel pleasure and help other people feel pleasure.

Especially other good pets.

Aw, okay, that’s fine. You seem too sleepy to play much, anyways. Much easier to just lie still in a nice, soft bed and relax. Just lie there and enjoy some nice, soft, slow pleasure. Doesn’t that sound nice? Of course it does, sweetie.

Everything sounds so nice when that clock is just… ticking away. You’re so sleepy and fuzzy right now. Such a nice, easy, weak-willed little, um… .

Aw, are you staring at me, or the necklace? I know I have such pretty, pretty eyes… eyes to get lost in, eyes to drift into… and my lips are so nice and plump, ready to kiss away your worries, your thoughts, your mind…

… hey, do you wanna see my necklace? It’s so pretty, isn’t it? So nice and sparkly, the way it glints, the way it makes your mind just… just… slip. Come just a little bit closer.

Come closer, sweetie. Don’t you wanna see it? Wouldn’t it be nice to get a nice, close look? There’s a good pet. See? Isn’t it so pretty? Watch how it swings, watch how it swings, watch how it… whoops!

Aw. I’m so clumsy. Don’t worry, we’ll get it off in a moment.

What? What’s that, sweetie? You’re feeling sleepy now? Silly thing. Of course you are.

Don’t worry about getting it off just yet. Don’t worry, sweetie, I’ll help you when it’s time. Shh… just lie down. So soft and nice in this bed. Such a nice, soft, comfy bed to drift off into.

Don’t you feel so nice and soft and dreamy now? Feeling the empty bliss as I hold you close, kiss you, so warm and soft and safe… mm, so easy to just… drift…

Don’t worry, sweetie. You can give me back that necklace later.

I could tell you needed it more than I did.

Some particularly skilled alchemists have invented the device known as the “dreamlocket”, a necklace which essentially renews a set of hypnotic suggestions in an incessant, echoing chorus. Dreamlockets are extremely effective when used right.

And as a reminder, just because someone has been turned into a hypnotized bimbo doesn’t mean they aren’t themselves a threat.

ALRIGHT I’VE DONE IT I RECORDED A THING

ALL WRITING CREDIT GOES TO @gigglinggoblin

WHO IS WONDERFUL AND YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY FOLLOW THEM 

RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

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Omg I'm so excited for you that's going to look so good on her!

When your gift for a Pretty, Little Doll arrives and it’s everything you wanted! I am going to have the best time this July hanging out with @little-alicin-kinkland and all my friends at Entranced. Cannot wait now!

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Me: *is talking about two pieces of evidence from several years apart that show that my gay otp are gay and could be a thing*

Other person: Okay but that doesn't prove anything. If you take random comments out of context you could 'prove' anything! I could 'prove' that /you/ were gay.

*cutaway to any random point in my life*

Me: I'm rlly gaaaaaaayyyyyyy

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I love this type of thing

you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

example: you absolute coat hanger

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It could be argued that if time is the fourth dimension we're referring to, then our three dimensional world *is* the shadow of its fourth dimensional self.

If a 3-dimensional object (like a human) makes a 2-dimensional shadow, then a 4-dimensional object makes a 3-dimensional shadow.