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wannabeollg · 6 years

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ahahaha aye it's ya boy uhh skinny penis

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wannabeollg · 6 years

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so this is basically my mood. its been my mood for a really long time:( I'm not typing this attention from all 11 of my followers💀 I'm typing this bc I have to get it out. journaling isn't enough. so basically, since freshman year, I've gone through bouts of some seriousness sadness. I dont want to say depression bc I wasn't diagnosed with it, but for all I know I am... anyways, I'm just sad. I was put in alternative school for a little bit because I didn't something totally stupid but I learned my lesson. 6 weeks away from my friends was a good punishment. anyways, I went back to regular school on Jan. 8... I was excited to see all my friends but they didn't really share quite the same enthusiasm. I shrugged it off.. I mean I have classes with them so not a big deal, right? I'd get to sit with them during class. we could gab and catch up then.... but it didn't really turn out that way. some people that I thought were some of my closest friends, barely talk to me now. maybe its bc I was gone for basically 2 months, and we just drifted apart from each other. I'm starting to get closer to the person that I considered my first friend at my new school after I moved, again. that does make me happy. I've missed her so much. but I've also gone thru some other shit. in July 2017, my best friend decided to cut ties with me a week before school was to start up again. she gave me no explanation. it hurt. it hurt so much. my boyfriend had just broken up with me exactly a week before, and i didnt even bat an eyelash... but when she told me she thought itd be best if we just werent friends anymore, i froze. i felt numb. she was my best friend. it was supposed to be us against the world... i guess not. i cried a lot. i cried for the first time in months. i had been doing pretty okay, mental health-wise, and then she just randomly did that...and now, almost half a year later, it still hurts. I didn't get closure and probably won't, now. but also, in march 2017, I got drunk for the first time. the boy that had broken my little sophomore heart, was at the same get together I was. it was at my friends house and he was her brothers friend... of course he was going to be there. but anyways, I got drunk. I got sad bc me and him were joking around and acting like pals, but we were intoxicated so it made sense. anyways, I quietly got upset bc I realized. how much things had changed between us. I mean, we were juniors in high school and we went almost that entire year without talking to each other. we were such good friends and then he ditched me for his new gf... he did me dirty but I still wanted him- how pathetic. anyways, I'm off topic so at the party, I, drunkenly, confronted him about it and I cried (*facepalms*). he said we were still friends, but were not. its not the same. we just go to the same school and maybe have a few classes together?? its not the same. but anyways, i told him everything that i had been thinking for that past year, and i got my closure...and I didn't want to admit it back then because how could I have known? I had no experience. I didn't know what it felt like... but now, I'm pretty sure I loved him. and I think a part of me still does, so much for that closure. so yeah, I think I'm still in love with the boy who left me for another girl, even after I told him I liked him and he told me he liked me back. that's what fucked me up the most. that little bit of hope fucked me up. and now we're gonna graduate in may and I won't see him probably ever again. we're both going in different directions. he's going into the airforce and I'm going into the army and he's still with that bitch lmao jk she's not a bitch but I have a strong distaste for her since January 2016. ever since then, I pretty much figured I wouldn't ever have a bf during hs. I briefly had one over summer 2017, but it was more of a fling. and then the guy that I had liked for a short time, asked me out in august 2017.... and I wanted so badly to say yes, because yes! he's cute and ambitious!! but, he has a kid. a whole baby momma who is also in my grade. I couldn't. I wanted so badly to say yes. I wanted to kiss him on the mouth and hold hands with him and just say yes! but I didn't... later in September, a little scandal broke that I was trying to break up the lovely couple... which I wasn't.... I mean it wasn't my fault that he caught feelings.... but yep so that happened.. I think those were the main parts of 2017 tbh. sorry, I'm just blabbering on, but its nice to get this out... so imma continue not tryna sound conceited, but i think I'm easily liked... like whats not to like about me? I'm smart, athletic, funny, and not ugly. maybe I'm on the chubbier side, but I'm not pushing the limits by any means. and I know guys have had "crushes" on me. I mean 4 guys have told me that the like[d] me in my entire lifetime, that plus I can sorta tell when a guy dropping hints. so its not like I'm driving boys away. I've had one boyfriend, which was the fling so I barely consider him an actual relationship but we did make it official so ig I have to claim him... but anyways, ig no one wants me?? that worries me. I'm gonna graduate and go into the real world soon with no relationship experience other than how to make out (not even French kiss tho!!!) and its been awhile since that so idek if ik how to do that anymore. (btw I had my first kiss with fling-boy. April 2017, just a few days before my 17th birthday, so you can understand that just about only 3 months of sucking face only every other weekend is not a enough time to become an expert).... so yep. no experience, at all. I'm still a virgin too. bro I gtg. jk, I want my first time to be meaningful, so I'm not putting out to just any random guy.... but okay thats all I've been thinking about lately.. its a lot I know, but eh... I'm still feeling x( but maybe just a little less

#doodlepost #tumblr doodles #draw me

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wannabeollg · 6 years

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