want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

A Year in the Life of Troy Everhardt

Leaving Ridges...was one of the hardest things that Troy ever had to do.

If you had told him that the night before he had to first show up, he would have called you the insane one...and then probably try to get into your pants (most likely claiming 'one last hurrah'). It had taken him hours to finally leave, mostly because he couldn't will himself to let go of Kurt. Even if he knew he was only going to be twenty minutes away and visiting however frequently he could...he couldn't spend every waking moment he wanted to with Kurt anymore. He told himself that he had to do it for both of them. He had to work to put away money so that they could afford a better place in New York once they finally got there.

It was an...adjustment being outside again. He had thought he would be overjoyed once he was free but he just felt lifeless knowing he had left behind his friends- no his family- and his love. The weirdest part of those first few days was the quiet stillness of his room- because that's what the hospital set him up with. Long term stay at a local hotel and that was fine with him because he had every bit of faith that Kurt would get out soon...which he did. Their reunion was as sweet as it had been sad when he had to leave. They spent a week getting reacquainted even if they had been apart for all that long. Neither of them wanted to admit it was because they had been beyond fearful that they wouldn't see each other again for a long time. Sure, they would've waited each other out, but the longer that had to wait the more painful it would have been. By the time the end of January had arrived, they both realized that there was things they had to attend to. For Kurt, it was taking care of his father's estate and for Troy it remained he had promised that he would get Chloe out of the hospital.

That feat proved harder than he had thought- which was saying something since he knew it was going to be near impossible to get her to begin with. The first obstacle had been her release. As she was still not ready, he knew that he just had to wait. That hadn't met he'd just have to do nothing, so he vowed he'd start to adoption paperwork. Just as Troy seemed to be making headway on that, Gloria had been forced to cut her hours which meant that she had been made to pass off his case to someone else. A someone else who told him there was no way he'd sign off on adopting her in Washington. He went to the office and refused to leave till they figured something out. After a long day with a lot of arguing and tears on his part, he managed to get them to transfer her to a hospital in New York. So, at the very least he would get to visit her while he started the process all over again in New York.

In between all that, the boys had managed to apply to schools. Thanks to a fairly well written essay, Troy had managed to get himself accepted to the applied psychology program at NYU. Kurt seemed too nervous too apply for Parsons so when he was at a meeting with the lawyers (and his aunt), Troy snuck around and photocopied a portfolio of Kurt's work and sent it in without telling him. Which is why when the envelope from Parsons arrived, Troy slept on the couch for three days because Kurt couldn't believe he had snuck around and done that behind his back. It had been worth it when Kurt finally opened it up and had found out that he had been accepted.

So with both of them having the next step together, they moved into a super tiny apartment in Chelsea. They spent weeks exploring the city but once the summer rolled around, the boys shared a bittersweet moment. Kurt had found a job working for a small fashion magazine and the editor had been so impressed with Kurt's inherent fashion sense, that she picked him to go with her to Paris for months to check out the latest collections by the biggest designers. It served as an amazing opportunity and even credit toward school since he would be gone. The fact remained though that Kurt would be gone until the holidays. It was a long goodbye at the airport, one worthy (Troy thought) of the movie scene. They took solace in the fact that they would both be busy and that they knew he would return home. Home- they had a home and that was what kept them going through the long weeks without each other. When they were both just faces on the screen. All that Troy knew though, was he had a calendar that was slowly counting down the days till Kurt came home to him.

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

We're not shutting down- we're just moving to NYC. Think of it as the next act, the next stage, the next chapter.

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

I refuse to say goodbye...

Because I know this isn't the end- the last that I'll see you all.

So, I'm going to say see you later. You all mean the world to me and once you get out of here to, we'll all see each other again in NYC.

Farewell, see you later. Peace out.

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

I know Kurt is upset about me leaving...

but I thought we'd get to spend the time until then together

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

I think he's going to miss me but Kurt needs him more than me when I leave soon

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

Close your eyes and try to sleep. If you're not asleep within thirty minutes then you weren't sleepy.

i think i might be sleepy.

but i can’t tell.

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

I'll see if I can nudge Kurt out of bed to get food though.

Thanksgiving dinner was awesome...

…but now I’m too stuffed to move

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

Nope. Still can't move- but I'm looking forward to leftovers

Thanksgiving dinner was awesome...

…but now I’m too stuffed to move

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

Thanksgiving dinner was awesome...

...but now I'm too stuffed to move

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

Okay Bambi. You can help me cook more food- I'm sure we'll need a ton of food since there will be a whole bunch of us

I don't know where Troy is, but I made food for Thanksgiving.

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

Sure Bambi- I'd love the help, even if its just you just help keep me company. That sounds like a great idea. We can make up plates for them once everything is done being made. I'd invite them to eat with us but I think they want to go home to their families.

I don't know where Troy is, but I made food for Thanksgiving.

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

Troy's hand clenched and unclenched at his sides, aching to hold Kurt close but knowing that Kurt most likely wouldn't let him- if how hard he was holding himself gave any indication. Troy's heart stopped in his chest when Kurt finally looked at him after admitting that he'd always be with him for as long as he wanted, that would never change- that he wasn't making Troy live without him...but it felt like he was. No matter how many times Kurt said the things Troy wanted to hear: that he wanted him to stay, that he'd always be his, that he loves him- he was still across the room, holding himself instead holding Troy. He had thrown walls up to try and protect himself for getting hurt worse later- Troy could see that, he understood that...he just knew he wouldn't stop trying until Kurt let him in again. He heard Kurt ask for a promise- it was one Troy could give easily, one that wouldn't be hard to break because he already knew he'd never have to. "Kurt. I promise you I will do what makes me happy. That I will never compromise my happiness for someone else- even you...if you promise me the same." Troy walked closer, standing within Kurt's space but still not touching. "It makes me happy to stay here with you. You make me happy- happier than I've ever been. So, I'm staying Kurt. No matter what. Even if I only get to see you for a minute a day- I'd stay. I'd live for those minutes until you get out- and you will get out Kurt. I know that as surely as I know I love you." Troy said, resting a hand on Kurt's cheek again before taking it back.

Evermel // Goodbye is Not Forever

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

I'll make a green bean casserole for Blaine cause ya know green. I'll make a pecan pie cause Kurt he told me once his mom used to make it for him. I'll put the turkey in if you haven't already. I can make some other stuff- I'm sure I'll see whatever you made already in the kitchen.

I don't know where Troy is, but I made food for Thanksgiving.

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

I'm still here Bambi...I was just about to head to the kitchen to cook too. What did you need me to make?

I don't know where Troy is, but I made food for Thanksgiving.

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

Kurt remained unresponsive in his arms and it brought a new round of fresh tears to Troy's eyes when Kurt pulled out of his grasp, seeming surprised that Troy would even have to ask if he wanted him to stay. It confused Troy even more because Kurt wanted him mto stay but was pushing him away all the same. He understood what Kurt meant, what he was trying to do- to say. Kurt didn't want to hold Troy back or to anchor him anywhere. He doubted that Troy would want to remain if Kurt never got better- that even if they let him out, he'd still be scared and nervous and crazy and why would Troy want that for his life. Kurt didn't want to be responsible for his supposed eventual unhappiness but he clearly didn't understand how happy he made Troy. Troy stared where he was even though he ached to pull Kurt back to him. "I'm staying Kurt and that's that. I may not be able to be here every second, or get to live with you, to see you whenever I want...but I'll take what I can get. Why can't you see I don't want all of that? I had that life. Where I was the life of the party, everyone wanted me, I could pick out whoever I wanted and they'd be in my bed within the week. That life made me miserable. It was empty and hollow and I had nothing to live for but my drive for sex. I want a life with you. I want you and our friends together. You seem to think you're tying me down- that will continue to tie me down...but you're not. I wish I could make you see that. You are the love of my life Kurt- how does that make me tied down? I'm not saying it will be easy. I'm sure there will be many nights where we cry ourselves to sleep hugging a pillow, squeezing our shut thinking maybe if I imagine hard enough it will almost feel like you. And yes, just because they've deemed us cured enough does not mean we're cured. There will be days where you're terrified and maybe have another panic attack and I'm sure there will be days where I want to jump your bones despite the fact I have a final and you have an article of clothing to finish." Troy sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He felt like he was losing Kurt and it scared him more than anything. "I once read 'love isn't finding someone you can live with. It's finding someone you can't live without.' I can't live without you. Please don't make me. I don't care if you think what you're doing is right. Its not. You want me to live my life? Then don't make me live without you."

Evermel // Goodbye is Not Forever

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

He wasn’t sure he could hurt anymore…until Kurt pulled away from him. Till he crossed the room and stood, defeated. How had they managed the last through Kurt leaving to take care of his father? The prospect of a future without each other had been just as real- hurt even more because then they had control over their actions. Now though, when Troy was sitting there telling Kurt he’d do whatever he could to keep them close, Kurt was pushing him away. He took in a sharp breath when he reminded Troy that his relationship with Sebastian had failed because he hadn't been there for him- and that was when the two of them were in the building. He watched Kurt pace telling him he can't and won't decide. He didn't want Troy to make him decide. Something broke inside Troy and he stood and crossed the room, pulled Kurt into his arms. He knew it was going to be tough to get Kurt on his side but he wasn't going to give up. "I'm not asking you to tell me whether to stay or go. What I'm asking is for you to tell me that you want me to stay. I know it's my choice but I need to know that you want me here." Troy said tightening his grip. "I'm not him Kurt. I'll still be the same person every day. I want to make this work- I will do whatever it takes to make it work. I don't need to wait to get out of here to know I want to stay here. I'll get a job as an orderly here if that's what it takes." Troy said trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. He became consciously aware of Kurt: his scent, his heart beat, his chest rising and falling with every breath and the feel of his hands on his chest- something hard pressing against the center if his chest. The promise ring. Troy pulled away slightly to take Kurt's left hand in his pulling it up so it was in Kurt's line of vision. "I meant this Kurt. I meant the promises I made you when I gave you this ring. That I'll love you forever, that I'll let you know that every day, that we'll make it, that I'll make you my husband, that we'll grow old together." He kissed his hand his lips over the ring. "Please Kurt- I know you think I'm stronger than you but I can't do this on my own. I don't want to live without you- please don't push me away."

Evermel // Goodbye is Not Forever

[want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it]

*small laughter* That you have Bambi...but its till common courtesy to ask- especially since I'm not sure if you want to be alone. It doesn't matter to me if Blaine comes along- I just- I need company 

want-it-need-it-gotta-have-it replied to your post: Can I come over Bambi? I know you probably want to be alone…but can I please come over?

But I thought Blaine was gonna go hang out with Kurt- unless he’s coming over after they’re done

i don’t know. and you don’t have to ask to come over, you know. you only had to ask before because i could’ve been having sex, but now… and it doesn’t matter if you see me naked because i’ve given you a blowjob before.