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[wardati]

This Blog Is Now Archived

Hey hunnies it’s been a real cool ride. My first oc blog that I've worked on for two years is now coming to an end. My rp adventures however, have not seen the end of the tunnel. I will be on my other blogs and as well as discord. My writing/inspo blog is suxnday so feel free to follow me there or keep an eye out for my other blogs. God, I hate leaving this blog in a sense but it’s time I depart but at least it’s on a bittersweet note. Life has just become bigger and I’m taking up the anti with my characters and affirming them through my professional writing. I’m so glad I’ve met and got the chance to interact as well as write with some of you. Thank you for all the memories.

Best, E.

[wardati]

"Don’t black out." hani & casper

“Don’t black out.” 

Hani begins to see the metaphorical stars.They’re crystalline and minuscule enough that if you narrow your eyes they can twinkle. They’re the type of stars that everyone warns you about, because these stars only happen in movies and cartoons not in real life. Here blacking out is the best option, it’s the easiest way to forget. Either way, when you get hit-really hit (not a scuffle or your moms belt) like a real ass whooping, it hurts, you don’t see stars, you’re either sitting on your ass bleeding or you’re dead.

Luckily in Hani’s case it’s the former. And how familiar was this, to be lying on the ground seeing the stars as if it’s the first time. He forgets about Casper for only a moment till he hears him again.

“Why the fuck not?” It feels like there’s battery acid in his stomach.“It’s still a free country. For now.” He clears his throat once and tries to get up but he can’t, instead he’s doing a half crunch where he’s only putting pressure on his neck to see if Casper’s wearing a stupid smile on his face. His vision is dizzying, the buzzing of the bar behind them becomes incoherent.

In short, Hani gives up.

He takes in his surroundings since getting to his feet isn’t an option right now. The asphalt is gainer than usual (shards of something sharp reflect into the light just like the stars above),the parking lot is empty, and the neon lights of the bar color their faces now as they sulk. And then Hani puts it all together. Why his memory became so fuzzy all of a sudden.

He touches the back of his head, feels the wetness that coats his fingers and hair. “Fuck…” He sighs this time and finally see’s Casper, above him - hair mopped over his eyes till he pushes the strands back in an effort to look at his face.

“I did it again?” The question is bleak sounds more like an I got my ass beat than anything else. He knows, even as the details come in shifts of technicolor and broken glass, that he most likely lost his temper in an attempt to kick someone out of the bar, belly full of alcohol and irritation- Hani thought he could handle it. Instead he got bludgeoned, horrifying as it is at least it’s something to cross off the bucket list.

The metaphorical stars don’t comfort him anymore, sleep sounds like a valid option now.

He looks up at Casper again, raises his eyebrows as if to say I’m sorry. Again and again he starts things he never knows how to finish, swears he’s more beat than he is broken. But where else can he put his fire, if not through his fists from time to time? Most people don’t understand and don’t care to he knows this.

Even then, if his vision wasn’t going in and out, he would of sworn that there was a moment, a warm half absorbent smile on Caspers face as if to say I know, I get it.

He sighs again, it comes out shaky, he reaches over and puts a hand in his back pocket. The pack of blacks are crumpled but the lighter is still there. He draws them out and finds one that’s still in for good use as he lights it.

Hani manages to scrape the heels of his shoes on the floor as he twists his heavy body away from the ground with the cigarette slotted between his lips glowing red.

“Okay.” He struggles to stand for a moment till he finds a spot, the balance is all off but it’ll have to do. His feet trip over each other a few times as he limps his way towards Casper and grabs his shoulder half for support half for the sake of comraderie-who needs therapy when you have Casper really?  Because lets face it, this is a fucked up friendship and the enabling never seems to end anyway. 

“Not leaving you so soon, princess” Hani laughs, “‘how bout nother round?”  He rubs the edge of his jaw as smoke comes out of his mouth, “on you this time. Since you left me out to dry..” 

[wardati]

*dabs* ☠ hani and lou?

Send me ‘💀’ to hear what my muse would say to yours if they were completely drunk off their head.

Status: Accepting 

The bar is emptying one by one. It’s past midnight and as much as he loves this place he loves suffering at the bar, drowned in his own inebriation and a little bit of self-hatred. His mouth feels taut and dry from all the straight shots of whiskey. He could be home, there are more than enough bottles to drown himself in privacy but Hani likes to make a show, likes to hope that someone is lonely enough to take him home, make him forget. But tonight, no one comes.

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[wardati]

☠ ( Tehan )

Send me ‘☠" to hear what my muse would say to yours if they were completely drunk off their head.

Status: Not Accepting

i.  He sings when he’s drunk. Really bad, really cheesy and really off key. Tehan is no wallflower, not when it’s his own party either. He takes as many drinks that he can hold down. His tolerance has barely changed through out the centuries, three fireballs and he’s practically spinning on his head. He spots Bao and rocks himself over, puts on his worst dance moves just to see him cringe.

ii. I’ts strange being so civil so normal again after decades of feeling like the chance for it were slim to none. He sips his beer and they watch everyone talk and smile in his living room as if they’re behind a glass wall. Tehan doesn’t mind, he can barely even keep his eyes open. He slumps against Bao to get his attention, “lets get outta here?”

iii. It makes no sense why he would want to leave his own party but the feeling is mutual nonetheless (he hopes). He drags Bao out of his apartment and they jaywalk across a busy intersection. It always seems as if they’re going somewhere with no destination in sigh,t and Tehan isn’t sure if that’s on purpose or not but he would go anywhere with Bao sober or not.

iv. “At least you remember your sister.” Tehan is standing on the threshold of a bridge overlooking some big murky river he doesn’t remember the name of. “I like to think my first memories are fading so I can make room for new ones. ” He lies, he smiles too as he kicks empty beer cans down below, barely hearing a sound over the rushing water. “Like right now imma remember this foreverandeverandever” he slurs as he looks at Bao. “Bao and Tehan, Tehan n Bao, dynamic dead duo!” He snorts laughing at how ridiculous he sounds, “family doesn’t gotta be blood right?” He hiccups trying to calm down from his drunken high, he sighs loudly and speaks before he thinks and- “you can be my family.” His own words echo back to him in such a rush he isn’t sure what to do with the sudden vulnerability.But he steps back on his heels almost losing his footing. “Shit” he laughs as he regains balance, he doesn’t remember how his hands are holding so tightly on to Bao’s.

[wardati]

renasccence: 

EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY HAS never been one of Bao’s strengths. He is not an open book, a canvas with his soul splattered in a myriad of different colors on its surface.

Maybe it would be easier that way, if he were. Maybe Tehan would be able to look at the piece; notice the hardened paint covered with fresh streams that drip towards the worn wooden base of the easel. He’d be able to tell that, when the reaper lashes out at him, anger is merely a side effect of the main emotional turmoil he’s experiencing. Of the fear.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath, and there’s a part of him that wants to figure that surely this must be some terrible nightmare pulled out from the deep recesses of his subconscious. But he knows better now, that there is nothing in this entire existence that could ever be too horrifying to be real. Nothing is off the table, not when so many forces exist that Bao– and Tehan– has not even begun to discover.

“Explain to me how this happened,” he finally says, voice rough but low, and it’s not a request. “You know how I have never once asked you for any explanations when you’ve asked me for my aide. And no, of course I don’t believe they have free agency over you.” His eyes flicker back to Tehan’s, gaze wounded, and they’re the only part of him that he has never been good at faking when it came to the few he was close to. “I know something unfathomable must have occurred for you to be put in this position. So, do me a favor and humor me, would you?”

The inquiry effectively quiets him. Bao has built his entire foundation of the past century on the premise that he was going to take responsibility for his actions, and see that those around him would do the same– at least to the extent he was able to do so. It should be a simple answer: ‘Yes, if you screwed up then you have to face your consequences, no matter how much I don’t want you to have to.’ If it were him, he would force himself to deal with his punishment, no matter how horrendous.

But this isn’t simple. Deep down, the reaper knows that if Tehan doesn’t do this he is soul is going to wound up damned for eternity, trapped in a wretched body and used for unspeakably vile purposes. And, while that is a weight he would eventually allow to rest on his shoulders if it were the result of his actions, the idea of the necromancer having to endure it instead is not a reality he wants the other to have to face.

He still hasn’t responded to the first question when more are lobbed at him, except now he and Tehan are suddenly back at the same place the portal had been conjured from. This area is physically more open, but he still feels trapped, his bleeding heart lodged in his throat and causing him to choke on the blood. “I don’t know what I would have you ask instead,” he responds finally, and it’s meant to be sharp– a snap to show his frustration at this situation to.

Except it lacks the bite. Only sounds so ( pitifully ) morose.

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Tehan takes in a shaky breath, he wonders if the words he spoke merely seconds ago even registered to Bao. Somehow if he tries to recollect it seems all too hazy to him as well. Nonetheless the words stood true.

Tehan counts the seconds, watches as something washes over Bao’s eyes. He didn’t feel brave saying them either, it was like stating facts, acknowledging the weather or standing here in the dark wrapping himself around someone he didn’t want to let go. And all the while reality was settling in slow like the midnight fog around them.

But, Bao brings him back and his reaction is to be expected. “Shut up? Really that’s all I get?” He teases and the corner of his lips soften. Bao’s words still find a way to fill up his heart. The words do not need to be reciprocated all he wanted was for Bao to know, to hear it out loud, whether he’s heard it through out the centuries or not as long as Tehan said them and meant them, maybe it would make this burden less exhausting.

His hands stay against his nape, rubbing the skin their gently. His mind comb through words that seem like they’ll never come. “I don’t wanna say goodbye but if I have to…at least you know.” And even as he aims for courage his voice shows no conviction.

This is starting to feel like a cop out. He’s put Bao in too many corners,asked for too much now this? If anything Tehan feels more like a coward than ever. So he hides, lowering his head, pressing his face against the crook of Bao’s shoulder and silently asking to be held for a moment, just for a moment because he doesn’t know how else to say he’s sorry. There’s a small sound that comes creeping out of his throat but he holds it before it even starts, as he blinks away his tears. He does not want this night to be their final moment together, not when his heart is beating like this. He wonders if he’ll even remember this night after it’s all said and done. Even if he does die for good, he prays this moment will go with him.  

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[wardati]

‘ i’ve forgiven him. ’ // trixie + zai

Trixie’s got her eyes towards the sky, staring right up into the gloomy gray clouds pretending as though she doesn’t hear Zai at all. But she does. And what he says annoys her like almost everything else he says and does, but for a split second Trixie feels empathetic towards him, almost close to being as vulnerable around him as she’s ever been. Instead she keeps her gaze upwards and doesn’t turn to look at him as she speaks.

“Good for you.” A pregnant pause awaits her next words. “I knew you would because you just can’t help it. Everything has to be peachy between you two, rainbows and daffodils. You’d practically forgive anything he says and does because he’s all you got.” Self reflection is a bitch. “You don’t always have to forgive him. Sometimes it’s best to let him feel your rage." She certainly has.

[wardati]

Ok i think im done reblogging old memes dndkddo

[wardati]

lips + yuno x anyone :)

SEND A HEART FOR A SPECIFIC KISS.

Send 💋 for a random kiss.

Status | Open

i. his back was turned against her as he stood in her balcony. the night breeze barely looked like it was bothering him when it ran and caressed the skin under his shirt. she almost thought it cruel to take him away from his thoughts but, she didn’t like seeing him so alone. noa finally slid the balcony doors open before stepping outside.

she was barefoot, her dress picks up a little as the wind runs up the slit of it, the straps barely wilting off her shoulders as she approaches him. a bright red and amber light glowed between his fingers, the blunt in his hand was reaching to it’s stump. noa plucked it from him.

“i was calling you.” she said, slipping  the rest of his joint between her lips. she looks down at the city below them and smiled to herself when the streetlights change from a sullen yellow to a violet blue. lines and lines of streetlights colordance under their feet. it wasn’t the drugs rather a very impatient person sitting inside. she wonders if yuno see’s it too.

“he’s waiting on us.” she speaks softly pushing the fiery head of the blunt into the ashtray she usually kept out here. noas hand takes yunos hand, clasping them together as if the wind would take her if she didn’t hold on. she gives his hand a warm squeeze and leads him back inside.

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[wardati]

❣️ for a kiss to a specific spot. i want takuya to kiss raf on the forehead & see that reaction. those are the facts

SEND A HEART FOR A SPECIFIC KISS

Send ❣️ for a kiss to a specific spot.

Status | Closed

He thinks of his hands now more than anything these days. Brass like, strong and curved from the usage of ball point pens to write his poems and the frequent times he’s balled them up into fists.

Index finger, righteousness.Middle finger, deliverance.Ring finger, yearning. Pinky and thumb gratification. He doesn’t think about where they could belong or how the first three would taste the sweetest. No.

Two palms spread wide and open as it reaches out for him and waits. Rafel remembers the gift in his own hands before apologizing and handing it over.

“Couldn’t think of anything to get you, so…” He mumbles and watches Takuya take out a slender rectangular terrarium out of a brown paper bag. “It waters it self sorta..” Rafel explains, “just keep it someplace sunny I guess.”

Takuya nods, it looks like a promise.

What Rafel didn’t expect after the word “Happy..” come out of his lips- are the hands.

Takuyas hands clasp on to Rafels shoulders with a grip that shakes him awake from the fog he’s been living in most of his life. His hands part dangerous clouds- ominous things that cast shadows across a lifetime of agony. The pressure from his hands wade the habit to retreat. Rafel stays put, feels the hands he has been dreaming about wander around his waist.

They hug awkwardly due to Rafels ineptitude. They stay like that for something else entirely.

For weeks, the place under Rafels ribs are tainted. The skin is pink and yellow flesh raw with that only memory. Hands wrapped like vines, littered with scars and hardened with muscle, the lines of his palms grooved their mark onto hollow obliques like fossils. Every time Rafel would change his clothes or someone would bump into him on the train the memory came rushing back fragrant with bitter coffee and the solvent of ink.

He looks at the terrarium now, the protective glass covered in a bit of dust but it’s been growing well so far. Rafel picks it up from the kitchen counter decorated in array of old take out, an open jar of cherry preserves, vintage newspapers and faded pink slips that have oiled sanctimoniously on faux granite.

The moment the terrarium fits between his hands, Rafel feels like he’s choking on shards of glass. His lungs search for air that only push the shards further down his throat. His chest constrict around hard pangs that bring his whole body into a frenzy, the terrarium drops to the floor and shatters into pieces.

“Fuck! No no no no no…” Rafel is on his knees, the legs of his pants now wet with moss and water. He chants the same line over and over, till it’s replaced with “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”  His hands prickle against cold broken glass trying to scramble up the pieces before he’s stopped. Bracing hands you would think would be rough are actually full of patience. Takuya’s fingers wrap around Rafels wrist to stop him but he’s already too late, the water around his feet run red.

“I’m so sorry.” Rafel looks up at Takuya, who is smiling with his teeth locked behind his lips. “Is that the only thing you know how to say?” He’s asked. Rafel looks down to hide his eyes.

He can feel him hovering closer than before, and as Rafel finds the courage to look up, he feels wet lips on the middle of his forehead, a hand he silently hopes to pray into soothing down his hair. He can finally breathe.

The kiss doesn’t bother him as much as Rafel wondering if Takuya knows exactly what he’s doing. If he knows things like this don’t go away easily for him. In actuality they don’t go away at all.

Yet, the sensation grows from the middle of his forehead down his face and neck relieving him of whatever embarrassing feat he wanted to ramble about. That he was only looking at the terrarium, that he didn’t mean to break the last minute gift he got at some swamp meet in mid-town. It was all just an accident- and he isn’t wondering who else had been here and touched the fucking plant. 

It doesn’t matter.With his good hand, Rafel pulls him closer and buries his face into Takuyas neck. The memory of the terrarium was tainted, someone else had touched it and Rafels psychometry is useless to stop the feeling of envy or rather insecurity wash over him. He’s not owed an explanation if there is one even if the question sits at the tip of his tongue.

Dear self, Rafel thinks, please don’t fuck this up. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.

They both manage to stand from the floor now. When Rafel moves his face from the column of Takuyas neck his own lips brush against the pulse of it. There, a new memory forms.

Deliberately or not. Good or bad, Takuya should have a sensation of his own to remember or haunt him..

“Okay,” he says, his head is still lowered and fear is still warming his skin, “I’ll get something to clean this up.”

[wardati]

🌹 the cyber ghost wives

SEND A ‘🌹’TO SEE WHAT MY MUSE IS THINKING ABOUT YOURS THAT’S PROBABLY NEVER GOING TO BE SAID ALOUD.

status | open

[ 12:08 am ] tell me how long have we been here? in bed like this. you-finally asleep, me watching you until i can let my mind rest. and that'ts it isn’t it? my mind still wonders if it’s mine at all, if you’re really here. I never thought I would be thinking of the longevity of this second life–questioning the hand that feeds me into this synthetic reincarnation. I know I’m thinking too much, but I can’t help but feel as if something is looming over us. Back and forth like a pendulum sifting through the hilt, like a finger hovering over the esc button.

[ 10:08 am ] too much mouth. you’re full of too much fucking mouth. and that’s why i love you. it’s why i can’t stand you either. not in the “get away from me” type shit, because lets face it- you can never get away from me. not now. -but it’s that shit that still got my hands shaking-happy or angry, still got me wondering why the fuck i took so long to get here, still got me singing songs about you-beat drop beat drop beat drop rest- see? you’re the smoothest melody. and look at you now you’re still talking, i wonder if you realize you’re my symphony- you probably do.

[ 8:27 pm] who knew euphoria was a person I married. Damn.

[wardati]

💋 from sin to cum

 send 💋 to give my muse a valentine’s kiss

status: accepting

he’s soaking in a bath, unplugged from the rest of the world which shouldn’t seem ideal to cym but it’s somewhat relaxing as he surrenders himself to the heat of the water. even if he is back at sin’s apartment… again. he doesn’t think about that, where he is or who he’s with lately. perhaps its just how things are supposed to be-unknowing and confusing. wanting and deliberate these mixed feelings just breed guilt that builds and blows out like the bubbles around him. cym sits in the warm water and almost asks himself the question he’s been avoiding.

(what are you doing here?)

yet sin is in front of him suddenly or not as sudden, cymbeline can’t tell the difference anymore. he sits on the edge of the porcelain tub, hovering over him with his usual brazed demeanor. cym doesn’t flinch, he brings his knees to his chest and remembers the bruises pulsing all over his thighs the bath water doing little to sooth the skin or the thumping of his heart.

“thought you left.” cym gives a blank look as he’s handed an envelope. he takes it with half a mind and opens it. reading the simple joking words on the front of the card and as he opens it, pressed aster falls into the water, the small petals leaving a circular train that swims around him.

the outer part of cymbeline smiles or gives a semblance of one, it even gasps a little as sin pulls him in for a kiss.  guilt taints his tongue he knows what consumes him isn’t that he hates this (he does in his own way) but that he also doesn’t hate this at all. “i don’t celebrate valentines day.” his fingers curl at his collar when he pulls back. “and you don’t look like the type either.”

so whats changed? he wants to ask but he doesn’t. instead he fiddles with wet aster flowers between his fingers, pulls himself back and melts into the porcelain once more, his thighs slip apart as he wordlessly invites him in.

[wardati]

"i was with them for the last two years, risking my life to keep the rest of you safe"// for junot + jaewon // lost au for old times sake

Jaewon is speechless. But he should of expected this. He thinks back to when he and the others first landed on the island. It felt like a dream now, that a life he had once existed beyond this island and ocean.

He remembers Junot at the beginning of it, flashbacks of the smell of jet fuel, fire and smoke, fuselage scattered across sand and so many screams, they still echo in his head. She was a saving grace. When he and some others were dumbfounded on how to survive the jungle, she showed them the ropes. When they thought they were close to starvation after the airplane food wasn’t enough, she along with a fisherman on board showed them how to capture fish to eat. And most importantly, when other survivors of the crash began to disappear or wind up dead, when shots rang out in the middle of the day or night and the terrorizing thought that they were not *alone* haunted their minds, it was then that Junot revealed who she really was.

But she was nothing like them at all. A lily amongst the weeds, a rebel fighting a dying cause. Whether he could trust her or not did not matter because he knew if she wanted to cause him or the others real harm, it would of been done already. Swift and unpleasant.

“You know that I believe you.” He said, staring at her. They sat huddled in an empty and quite old research station, something else that has gone relatively unexplained. But Jaewon has no energy to figure out all the bits and pieces just yet. “And I love you for it Junot, because you’re brave. You aren’t one of them, I don’t care about the past.”

“When we find some way off this island for good, and God knows we will. You’re coming with us.”

[wardati]

myani lowkey high key my fav muse even though he’s a side muse and he’s dead. 

[wardati]

                      Void: A Brighter Future For Us All. 

Myani vowed to protect his sister like any brother would but soon the vow fades out of memory, but for now he'll hold her as she falls asleep in his arms.

She becomes a tidal wave at six when she masters three languages and goes on to a fourth. He knew this would happen, his little sister becoming more than a prodigy. He looks at his father enticed by his own creation as she speaks eloquently in tongue and spirit, the dreams of her conquering the world were now in reach. He looks over at his sister, hair slicked back like ravines eyes wide and attentive. Maybe if he looked hard enough he could see it too- his redemption- the person she would be in between her kind laughter.

She would grow up following a line drawn for her since birth, perfect, brilliant, practically cosmic. Myani knows this universe his father has created would eventually crumble. He takes his pills crushing each one after the other with his teeth, barely seething from the bitter taste as he downs it with water. This morning it's worse, he's thrown up for most of it, bones aching, skin breaking out in thick sheets of sweat and the skin, the skin would later on peel off in thin grainy layers. Hani sits next to him crushing weed, it will help but in the long run it will do nothing. Myani thinks of his sister instead it eases the crushing thump of his heart but he's still sweating, the thought of when he'll leave this world and how she would be next. Fighting her own body ,sitting on a couch with her best friend and secretly regretting saving the world.

Hani, his best friend is still talking about his fiance, she's pregnant now. Myani tries to smile he's known this for a couple months even if Hani talks around it like friends do when they know you're dying so you won't feel bad that you'll probably never have children of your own. Friends like Hani are rare.Infuriating but rare and Myani has been in love with him for the past five years and has done little to nothing about it.

Hani will be a great father better than his own that's true, yet he wonders if his best friend will finally stop talking about the life he wants to have and just live it. But, he never says anything about it, he never does.

His long fingers take the joint, it sits between his plump lips and he inhales longer than he should so the clouds he blows into the air are thick and eggshell.

Myani wonders again, if this is it. If dying on the couch will be the greatest achievement he'll ever accomplish and even so, his father - the man who built him into becoming one of the most innovative people in the world, the martyr and sacrificial head of a biological enterprise that would start a new age for the years to come,yada yada fucking yada. The man who claims to be omnipotent- his father isn't here to witness.

So he's decided; Myani will make him. He'll turn the upcoming burden that will be throttled to his baby sister and take it with him in death. He'll destroy it all, he'll be a martyr one last time to save what's important to him. If he must he'll encase it Chinese finger trap and all, like a tongue stuck on ice or a kiss that leaves a stain.  It will hurt but none of that will matter if he was saving Noa in the end.

"Hani." He says in thought. "Hmm?" "You should show me your dad's collection again." "You know I hate that stuff, it's barbaric." It's amusing how Hani is intimidating in looks but a pacifist at heart. Truthfully it was annoying. "I remember you saying he only keeps it so collectors and curators don't colonize any more of your peoples artifacts." Myani takes another heavy sigh, "just for a couple of minutes, I need air."

Hani rolls his eyes and plucks the joint from Myani's fingers who gives a tired smile. "He has other things in there too.You do remember he was a military rat right?" Myani licks his lips, "I know."

BREAKING NEWS: 14 Dead at Ally Genesis Corporation including John "Myani" Paul, son of CEO and chairman Jahseem Paul.

BREAKING NEWS: 1 Million people may be at high risk because of Allie Genesis Corporation deficiencies and leaks since mass shooting.

BREAKING NEWS: Could John Myani Paul be a lead to the suspect of the AGC Shooting?

BREAKING NEWS: 4,020 people fired at Allie Genesis and 9 institutions are ordered to shut down by government officials with JIC and MGU approval.

BREAKING NEWS: AGC President of Defense Salah Bahatt under fire for potential information on the mass shooting at AGC Institution and bio-plague outbreak that killed 4 in Oregon back in 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Ally Genesis, science saviors? Find out how after the tragedy how the corporation is taking bio-mechanics, neurology and many more into uncharted territory.

BREAKING NEWS: Ally Genesis declares cellular regeneration is now possible. Could we bring people back from the dead?

There's something that pushes Noa out of the water, as if someone had yanked her out of the tub. It feels like a thread pinned under the skin of her chest, so when she's heaving for air as if her throat was wrung out with closed tight fists. It hurts to breathe even if she's supposed to be grateful for it, how conveienet. She at twenty decided to take her own life and failed so time and time again she'd cry into her arms puckered in scars. She could hear Myani's laugh someplace far away in her emptiness and every time she tried to follow his voice she'd be here back into this world that she could never escape.

Later in the day when she pushed herself into comfort and laid in Myani's bed a thought she would read his letters again, go through his photography, miss him with abandon. Yet the thread in her chest caught taught on to something else. She woke up from his bed and walked down to his living room for no real reason and without thought sat on his couch and as her hand pressed into the cushions something brushed against her fingers. She pulled at it and noticed it was an envelope. It was different then the letter he left for her, this did not have her name on it but it was directed to her... it had t be.  Her eyes widened as she read the words, the prickle in her eyes gained a heaviness that almost blurred her vision as she read the letter. She held her breath realizing even in death her brother still had a hold on her.

He still had secrets.

They framed someone else for what I did, didn't they? I would think so. If everything has gone exactly how I had envisioned. Noa, I'm sure they've started their trials on you. It may not look like they have, but father has his ways. I can't display my remorse in colorful words that elude to being remorseful or sorry, for once, I am not. I killed those people and planned on shortening my already short life not on a whim but it was something I had to do. I don't know how far back I've pushed their quota but it should be enough.

Leaking AGC's information will barely leave a scratch but it's a start to a very long journey. Whatever you choose to do in this life it will not outweigh your true purpose. Furthermore, in the next couple of years I know you'll find information about what I could do, and as I left you that day, the darkness in me will now rest in you. It will protect you now when I no longer can.

Noa,in a normal world all I would want for you is to be free, to smile to live and love as you please. But it isn't like that and I will need you to remember this life you live is yours but the part that you play is easily malleable. Father and his people will learn about you. You have always been his prized possession you have always been his favorite even if you don't think you are but all of this will be foreign to him if it means broadening the horizons of humanity and evolution. He is a man that will do what needs to be done. You should also take the same initiative. It was too late for me but I know you're strong enough. I know you're capable of much more than I. I wasn't capable of protecting you no matter how much you tried to follow me. I had to push you away at times because you needn't any more influence or my bad choices to pick up. I could of been a better brother to you, and I'm sorry.

So, when you wake up promise that you'll stop looking for me?

-Myani.

Noa opened her eyes realizing quickly what had just happened. It could be her mind drowned in grief and playing tricks on her but she swore she was sitting on the couch and not back in Myani's bed. She pushed the sheets aside and darted down the hall, when she reached the couch she sank her fingers between the cushions moving them from its frame, tossing them aside to find nothing. It was empty, it was all empty.

She stood alone in her silence for a long time. Noa reached for something, a remote that sat neatly on the end table. With a press of a button the television  blinked alive.

BREAKING NEWS: New footage shows son of Ally Genesis chairman, John Myani Paul trying to calm the true shooter of the one AGC Shooting in 2012. The shooter is 38 year old Kowen Williams who killed 14 and wounded 2. AGC claim no prior knowledge or how this new footage has come about. Williams had been tracked to his home in Washington state but found dead from self inflicting wounds.

AGC's Chairman Jahseem Paul issued this statement: 

"This could be justice, but it is also saddening and it is also salt on a wound that reminds the people who have been affected on that day. I'm glad officials have done their part in finding this murderer but it will not bring the lives lost back. It cannot bring my son back. Yet I will walk into each day hoping with vigor in my heart to carry on for my son and for my family and for Ally Genesis. My job is to push forward,endure and to broaden the horizon of humanity and evolution. For my son, and for the 14 lives lost that day I will continue to do so. I thank you all for the support and I thank the incredible people who made Ally Genesis with me and continue to better and brighten the future for all us ahead."

The news played on and Noa stood alone knowing all too well what her fathers words really meant. It had dawned on her just how orchestrated this all was, from Myani's trajectory till his suicide to the purpose of Ally Genesis, to her own. Every piece was set into place and finally it was time to make her move.

[wardati]

i have one more for that anthology for greenly  but i haven’t finished it so next time guys, but i do have something for noa

[wardati]

starrdew replied to your post: i.

and u said… u dare say with ur entire chest that i lied abt ur greatness

dl;asjlksdf;jsdf you know i be lying 

[wardati]

starrdew replied to your post: ii.

UH? how do i save her??

sis had a ruff past :( but she’s doing much better now.