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warmsmiles · 7 months ago

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nvm turns out my armpits are meant to be that lumpy and I just don't know how my own body is meant to feel I'm acc a bit stupid sometimes and I panic over nothing 💀

I want to rant on my twitter about this but I have irls on there that I don't want to find out so I'm going to do it here since I only have like 3 followers. but anyways for the past 2 months maybe longer my lymph nodes under both armpits have felt irritated and sorta swollen but I didn't think anything of it cause I wasn't ill and I'd only really notice in the shower (I don't have them very often bc of my mental health issues but I do have them everytime I leave the house). the past month I noticed them not go away and even start to irritate me, causing discomfort when I moved in a certain way or even just out of nowhere. I guess you could call it painful but literally like a 1 or 2 on the pain scale, if that. I finally called the doctor to book an appointment for this coming Tuesday as one has grown big enough to worry me. and yesterday I woke up to it being a 3 or 4 on the pain scale and being fairly larger in size. as I type this it's gone kinda hard ish and its really freaking me out. of course I've been kept awake for nights at a time googling over and over and panicking over it being cancer. but surely not cause it appeared in both armpits at the same time??? I'm hoping that it's just the case that I got a bit ill a while ago but didn't notice cause my immune system fought it off so well but that one of them just got blocked up and isn't draining. that can happen right? or maybe I shaved wrong and it's an ingrown hair gone wild. I don't shave but I occasionally do my armpits once or twice a year out of boredom and the last time I shaved was about a month before the problems. maybe I'm just ill again right now, still fighting off an infection and my body is putting up a hell of a fight without me noticing. but I just can't get it out of my head that it's cancer. I know it's dramatic and every symptom on Google leads you right back to cancer but this one feels kinda probable this time. like yeah, a hard lump in my armpit that's causing me pain, it's textbook isn't it? maybe it'll all be nothing and I'm back to normal in 2 weeks time once I've had some blood work done or a nurse has stuck a syringe in my side to drain the fluid out or I have to spend the next month remembering to take my antibiotics. but that knawing thought at the back of my mind that it could be something so dreadful as to take away the last few years of my early twenties is horrifying. I've only ever known 1 person with cancer and we weren't close after the diagnosis so I don't have any first hand experience with the disease so I have no idea how to feel about this sort of thing. I'm most likely being overdramatic here but I needed to ramble my worries away and it's too dark for me to write in a diary right now so this will have to do. thank you for reading this far if you did.

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warmsmiles · 8 months ago

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I want to rant on my twitter about this but I have irls on there that I don't want to find out so I'm going to do it here since I only have like 3 followers. but anyways for the past 2 months maybe longer my lymph nodes under both armpits have felt irritated and sorta swollen but I didn't think anything of it cause I wasn't ill and I'd only really notice in the shower (I don't have them very often bc of my mental health issues but I do have them everytime I leave the house). the past month I noticed them not go away and even start to irritate me, causing discomfort when I moved in a certain way or even just out of nowhere. I guess you could call it painful but literally like a 1 or 2 on the pain scale, if that. I finally called the doctor to book an appointment for this coming Tuesday as one has grown big enough to worry me. and yesterday I woke up to it being a 3 or 4 on the pain scale and being fairly larger in size. as I type this it's gone kinda hard ish and its really freaking me out. of course I've been kept awake for nights at a time googling over and over and panicking over it being cancer. but surely not cause it appeared in both armpits at the same time??? I'm hoping that it's just the case that I got a bit ill a while ago but didn't notice cause my immune system fought it off so well but that one of them just got blocked up and isn't draining. that can happen right? or maybe I shaved wrong and it's an ingrown hair gone wild. I don't shave but I occasionally do my armpits once or twice a year out of boredom and the last time I shaved was about a month before the problems. maybe I'm just ill again right now, still fighting off an infection and my body is putting up a hell of a fight without me noticing. but I just can't get it out of my head that it's cancer. I know it's dramatic and every symptom on Google leads you right back to cancer but this one feels kinda probable this time. like yeah, a hard lump in my armpit that's causing me pain, it's textbook isn't it? maybe it'll all be nothing and I'm back to normal in 2 weeks time once I've had some blood work done or a nurse has stuck a syringe in my side to drain the fluid out or I have to spend the next month remembering to take my antibiotics. but that knawing thought at the back of my mind that it could be something so dreadful as to take away the last few years of my early twenties is horrifying. I've only ever known 1 person with cancer and we weren't close after the diagnosis so I don't have any first hand experience with the disease so I have no idea how to feel about this sort of thing. I'm most likely being overdramatic here but I needed to ramble my worries away and it's too dark for me to write in a diary right now so this will have to do. thank you for reading this far if you did.

#vent

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warmsmiles · 8 months ago

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