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waywardnerd67 · 1 year

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I’m fine… I didn’t need my heart. You always make us hurt in the best ways. Wonderfully done ❤️ I’m gonna go cry in a dark corner.

Last Weekend

A Short Story

~ Jensen and Y/N have been sneaking around for a while, hiding in the dark and loving each other in secret. There was only one rule and once it was broken, everything changed. ~

Jensen Ackles x F!Reader, Jared Padalecki, OCs

3,921 Words

Warnings: NSFW. Extra Marital Affair. ANGST.

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He kisses the top of her head like she’s the most precious thing in his life.

His arms wrap around her so tightly she’s sure he’ll squeeze the life out of her.

Jensen’s fingers tense on her shoulders and Y/N lets out a sigh that nearly breaks his heart.

“You know it has to be like this,” he whispers, breath pushing through the wayward hairs that mat her forehead.

She’s a mess and they both know it. Tears stick to her cheeks; mascara drips like paint on a smooth wall. Her eyes are red and burning, her arms weak but clinging.

He’s just as bad but doesn’t show it. Years of practice hide his pain well, but it’s obvious in his voice, in the way it cracks around his words, barely able to push some of them out. He’s shaking, she can feel it. It’s in his hands, in his jaw. His heart is beating too fast for comfort.

“I know.” She replies with a dark sigh, barely able to comprehend the last hour of talking. “I just- I don’t think I can do this.”

His grip on her tightens and Jensen puts his chin on the top of her head, his eyes falling closed as the tears flood his vision. It’s gotten so hard to hold them back, he’s all but broken inside.

One falls and then it all crumbles.

“I didn’t say it before but…”

His gravelly voice breaks and Y/N pulls back to look up at him.

Dying a bit more inside, she lifts a hand to his lips and stops his confession. “Don’t.” She shakes her head and blinks a fresh stream of tears from her eyes. “Don’t say it. I- I don’t think I can handle it.”

His lips tremble beneath her fingertips and she moves them aside, pushes up on her toes and kisses him sweetly.

He tries to kiss her back, but all the strength in him is spent just holding back the painful wail building in his chest.

When it’s done, she’s gone, turning away from him without another word.

He can’t look at her face. He watches her heeled boots move to the door. Stares at her hand on the knob. Says goodbye to the door as it closes behind her.

Once he starts crying, he can’t stop.

She’s like a whirlwind, coming at him with a fiery stare and grabbing hands that drag him down to the deepest places in his fantasies.

She’s tender and aggressive, shy and confident, crazy and undeniably rational. She’s his ticket to Hell but when he’s near her, it feels like Heaven.

“You’re drivin’ me crazy, baby,” he growls, barely able to speak as she grinds down on his cock, her teeth sunk deep into his juicy bottom lip.

“That’s kinda the point,” she laughs, locking her hands behind his head as she rides him.

The fabric between their bodies feels like steel and they both give in, tugging at each other’s clothing to free themselves from the bondage of chastity.

Jensen claws at her tits as they’re released. Y/N gasps at the coolness of his fingertips as he plucks at her nipples.

“Fuck.” Her head falls back and her hair cascades down her back like a silken waterfall.

He dips his head, curling his long body inwards as he flicks the tip of his tongue over her flesh and then sucks it between his lips.

“Jesus, Jen-” She pushes a hand through his hair, loving how long it’s getting. She gives him a tug and he bites down, moaning deeply. “Yes…”

“Gotta get these panties off you,” he grunts, dragging his hand down her soft belly. “Wanna fuck you. Now.” His teeth are clenched and she can feel the heat pushing off of him, the desire.

Flooded with passion and beyond holding back, she tugs at his hair once more and pulls his head up. She looks down into dark jade eyes and smiles.

“I… I love you, Jensen.”

His heart nearly stops.

“I know we’re not supposed to- ya know- but… I do.”

Stunned and amazed, his cheeks burn hot and a smile pulls at his lips. He tries to reply, to make a single sound, but there’s nothing coming out. He’s entranced by her candor, by her beauty, by the push of her body against his.

“I love you,” she says again, this time reaching for his lips.

He gives in, kissing her hard, letting his body speak for him. He can’t say it aloud, but he can show her how he feels.

They roll on the bed, fancy hotel comforter bunching up around them.

He tugs her panties off, kicks down his own as she traces his muscular arms with scratching, heated fingertips.

She’s staring at him, he knows, but there’s nowhere to go but here. She can see straight through him. She knows what he can’t ever say.

They had a deal.

A deal she just broke.

He stashes away the churning panic and sinks inside of her, his tongue and cock both pushing in at the same second.

She moans around him, arches beneath him, letting him inside.

Her body is soft, slick, hotter than he can handle.

“God, you feel so good,” she praises, arms and legs wrapping around his firm body. “Fuck, need you so bad, Jensen…”

He licks at her lips and closes his eyes, letting her voice and body take him away. There’s pain on the horizon, but for now, he has this. He has her. His throat tightens and he blinks into the semi-darkness, looking down at her.

She’s haloed by the lamplight, profile set aflame in soft white. She’s stunning in that moment and it takes all he has not to say it back, not to break down and open his soul and veins for her.

“You got me,” he growls, setting his hands aside her head and thrusting in deep. Her jaw drops and he smiles; always loves that silent scream when he hits that spot inside.

She shivers and he drops down, kissing her throat as he hides his face in the crook of her neck. He can’t look at her anymore. He can’t do anything more than fuck her slowly, roughly, bringing them both up to that magical place where nothing else matters for a few precious seconds.

She cums with a muted cry, her body jolting with orgasm beneath him.

“Fuck, baby,” she laughs, dragging her nails down his neck. “Your turn…”

He pushes back onto his knees and grabs her ass, lifting her up off of the bed. “Yeah? You want me to cum in this pretty little cunt?”

He can’t help but say those things, knowing how much it turns her on when he turns up the grit in his voice. He can feel it in her cunt; she clenches tight around him.

She nods, mouth open in a perfect, tiny circle as she breathes faster. “Please…”

Jensen lets go, pleasure bursting inside of him as he cums. He thrusts until it hurts and then stills, holding her, letting himself go soft inside. He looks down with a sad smile, memorizing the feel of her, the look of loving satisfaction on her face.

“You’re amazing,” she says, running a hand up his chest and across his collar.

He drops down and rolls onto his back. “So are you,” he whispers sadly, reality slamming into him like a Mack truck.

Y/N sighs happily and curls into him, her head fitting perfectly on his shoulder. She traces the crown on his wrist and his chest tightens.

He always loves when she does that.

“Love you…”

He can’t sleep.

She’s got him tangled up like a puppet in a box, tossed aside and forgotten about, its strings jumbled up and hopelessly crossed.

His mind is racing. There’s too many thoughts to sort through, but he tries, picking out faces in the darkness behind his eyes, pulling apart dreams and plans.

He had a whole life with her planned.

But it was just a dream.

The deal was not to fall in love.

They’d both broken the deal.

Except, she’d said it out loud. He couldn’t ignore that.

His wife’s face flashes over and over in his head and he knows what he has to do.

Morning came too quickly and Jensen made up his mind. It wouldn’t be easy but he had to commit to it. He had to be strong; there was too much at stake.

He waited until after breakfast. She was just too beautiful to crush. They way she smiled at him over sips of steaming coffee, the way the sunrise played upon her face, highlighting her eyes and the gentle lines around her lips and eyes.

His heart broke with every breath.

“Whatcha thinking about?” she asked, toast crumbs clinging to the corner of her mouth.

Jensen took a shaky breath and downed the rest of his coffee. It was too hot to chug, but the burn brought him back to the moment. “Us.”

Y/N smiled and reached for his hand. “Me too.”

He pulled away gently before she could touch him.

“Jen, what’s going on?”

He stared down into the empty coffee cup and shook his head. When he looked up, his eyes were wet and his ears were red. “I- I’ve been thinking…”

Y/N sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, hugging herself tight. “I knew it.” Her voice was weak around a brewing storm of tears. “I knew I shouldn’t have said it.”

“We had a deal.” He hated the words as soon as they came out, but there was no going back.

She looked away, out of the window, counting clouds to keep from breaking down. “You can’t tell me you don’t- that you don’t feel it too. You can’t. I know you do.” Her eyes came back to his and he froze, locked in place. “I know that you love me, Jensen.”

Prying himself away, he cleared his throat, wiped a hand down his face, scratched at his bearded cheek. “That’s the problem,” he said, licking his lips. “We weren’t supposed to do this. You weren’t- we weren’t supposed to get this close.”

She laughed bitterly. “How could we not?” Frustrated with herself and his decision, she stood, spinning away from the table, her bathrobe floating around her bare calves.

Jensen watched the cotton dance on her skin. He could feel her still, in the back of his mind, and he knew he’d never be able to forget.

“How could we not get this close?” she said again, rambling as she turned her back on him, hands raking through her hair. “We’re together almost every weekend, you text me constantly. We’re… you can’t just throw this away. This is something real, Jensen.” She turned back and glared. “I love you.”

“Y/N-”

Frustration turned to bargaining. “Don’t. Just don’t do this. I’ll never say it again if that’s what it takes. Please.”

“It’s too late.”

“It’s not.”

The sun hit his eyes and he blinked up at her, the perfect symbol of pain. “I’m sorry.”

She was silent for a moment as a tear fell down her cheek. Bare toes sank into the plush white carpet; beyond the door, maids pushed their carts, couples came and went from their rooms.

“What am I supposed to do?” she asked, crumbling inside and out. Her knees went weak and Jensen rushed to her, catching her fall in his big arms and holding her close.

“I don’t know.”

She clung to his shirt. “Don’t do this. Please.”

He kissed her forehead and held her tight. “I think you know that we have to.”

She couldn’t look at him anymore. Pictures flashed across her phone screen as she scrolled through her social media, but any glimpse of him made her heart ache.

If only she’d kept her mouth shut.

If only she’d kept her heart closed.

If only she’d never met him.

Despite the pain, she wouldn’t give it up for anything. Nights with him sleeping close, days sneaking looks through crowds of fans, early mornings holding his hand as they walked through strange cities together.

She canceled her appearances in Denver and Nola; it just seemed right. She told her agent she was sick, blaming the flu instead of a crushed spirit. No one knew she was dying inside. No one knew that Jensen Ackles had stolen and then broken her heart.

He tried to let it all go, spending extra time alone with the kids, his wife. The guilt lay heavy on his heart but he tucked it all away, screwing on a smile when he was with the family. He paid close attention to his wife, offering her extra kisses anytime their paths crossed in the house, grabbing her close whenever he could spare a moment. He held her as tight as he dared, doing his best to push his love into her, to find it in himself again, but she wasn’t Y/N. It just wasn’t the same.

Most nights he stayed up with a bottle, drinking through his stash of good bourbon and then moving onto the crap swill. He could see her face in the amber, he could smell her skin in the glass.

Each morning broke with a headache and a cold sweat. Dreams of Y/N plagued his sleep. He felt her in every breath, heard her voice in every song on the radio. She haunted him.

More than a few times he caught himself with his phone in hand, ready to type out some letter of apology, beg her to forgive him. His thumbs hovered over her name but he couldn’t do it. He’d done enough damage.

If anyone noticed his melancholy, no one voiced a worry.

Jensen did his best to hide it all from the world, but his smile seemed off, his stare far away, his mind somewhere else.

It was impossible for her not to go to Nashville. Creation told her agent that she would be blacklisted the following year if she didn’t show up.

It was hell, but she couldn’t talk her way out of it again.

She kept to herself, hiding in the corners of the green room on Friday, barely speaking to anyone. They noticed she was off, but no one bothered her. A few polite smiles set their minds at ease.

No one knew. So there was nothing she could say.

On Saturday, she stayed far away from everyone, avoiding every place Jensen might be. Twice, Misha had cornered her for a chat, and the second time, Jensen had appeared, walking behind Misha with his handler. She held her breath, their eyes met and he kept on walking.

Her stomach dropped and her hands trembled.

She signed autographs without making eye contact. Stood for photo ops without a real smile to be found.

She laughed when people spoke to her, posed as they asked her to. She smiled when she needed to, answered questions when they asked, but she wasn’t really there.

She was stuck in the moment, watching Jensen walk by her without a word.

Over and over.

Jensen was visibly drunk on stage. There was no denying it but no one said anything.

He sauntered up to the microphone, standing next to Jared with a coffee cup full of whiskey in hand. He looked out over the crowd hoping to see her there, but finding nothing but blinding stage lights and the front row filled with strangers.

She used to hide in the back during his panels, waiting beneath a hood or ball cap until he found her. She was his safety when the nerves of standing before a crowd got to him. She was always there.

That Sunday, he scanned the room again and again, but Y/N wasn’t there. There was no secret smile waiting for him in the last row, no sense of her anywhere.

He took a sip and coughed as the burning liquid went down the wrong pipe. He turned away from the mic and lost his footing, stumbling over himself in a drunken dance.

Jared grabbed him before he fell.

“What are you doing, man?” he whispered, fists tight on Jensen’s flannel as he helped him up. “Get your shit together.”

Jensen laughed and took another drink. “If only I could, brother. If only I could…”

Jared shook his head and let him go, turning back to the audience with a smile. “Someone’s had a rough morning,” he joked, nodding towards Jensen.

Back at the mic, Jensen scoffed at his co-star. “Fuck you, Jared. You don’t know shit.”

Shocked, Jared pulled back from the microphone and leaned over to Jensen. “Dude. Cut it out.”

“I’m not cutting nothing out, dude,” he replied into the mic, mocking Jared’s tone. “Shut the fuck up.” Another sip went down smooth but the crowd was roaring. “You shut up too.” He waved at the fans, brushing them off and turning away. “Fuck this. This is all bullshit. This whole thing!”

He spun with his arms open wide, gesturing to the banner behind him and the giant screen displaying his face. “What is this?” he yelled. “It’s all bullshit. All of it!” He looked out over the rows of shocked fans. “Y’all want me? You wanna fuck me, don’t you? Well guess what! Ain’t never gonna fuckin’ happen. I’m-”

Jared grabbed him, trying to catch his friend and calm him down, lead him off stage, but Jensen wasn’t having it. He took a swing, fist narrowly missing Jared’s nose.

“What the fuck!” Jared ducked and the room lit up with camera flashes. “Jay- stop it!”

“Fuck you!” He turned away. “Fuck all of you!” He couldn’t find the split in the curtain so he used the stairs, leaving the stage through the front row.

People called his name, but he didn’t stop. Security tried to get to him, but he dodged their attempts. Fans crowded his path, but he cut through.

It was cold and damp outside. The air hit his lungs and Jensen hissed, pushing the chill back out.

“Fuck this city,” he grit.

Y/N was hiding outside of the hotel, standing in the shadows of the parking garage, puffing on a forbidden cigarette. She inhaled deeply and her face lit up with the red glow.

“Oh my god- I can’t believe that just happened!”

“Dude, I know!”

Two girls clad in flannel and matching SPN shirts walked past Y/N and her senses tweaked.

“What happened?” she asked, stepping out of the shadows.

The girls turned and excitedly began to ramble, not even noticing who they were speaking to.

“Holy shit. OK, so Jensen’s been like totally drunk all day and I was telling Susie that but like she didn’t believe me, but then like at our OP he was all like nasty and he- freakin’ stank of booze like wow.”

Y/N’s breath caught.

The second girl chimed in. “So yeah. And then we were like ‘maybe he’s just hungover or whatever’ cuz you know they like party all night at cons.”

Y/N laughed. “Yeah. Totally. All night.”

“But like… he was drunk. Like, actually drunk.” The first girl took over again, her raven hair blowing in the cool early evening breeze.

“Really?” Y/N’s heart ached.

“Yeah. Like, he’s going through some shit. I don’t know. Anyway- at his panel, he comes out with a cup of coffee that’s like- obviously not coffee and then he starts like heckling Jared and-”

Y/N choked on a deep inhale of nicotine. “Wait, seriously?”

In tandem, the fans agreed. “Yeah.”

“So he’s like being nasty to the fans and not answering questions and then he like takes a drink and almost falls over choking. Jared grabs him and Jensen is all nasty and screaming and then he tried to punch Jared in the face!”

Ashes burned her fingers and Y/N tossed the butt into the street. “What the fuck?”

“That’s what we said. That’s what everyone said. Then- Then- he starts cursing Jared out and then curses out the crowd and everyone and then just- he fucking leaves.”

“Walks right out.”

“Right out. Just leaves. And we’re all sitting there like stunned.”

Y/N looked across the street at the convention center, at the crowds converging at the front doors. Pockets of fans huddled and discussed, showing off pictures on their phones and murmuring.

“I didn’t get a good pic but I’m sure it’ll be up on Tumblr later.”

“Uh, thanks.” Y/N nodded to the girls and turned away, not sure of what to do. She pulled out her phone and pulled up his number, but the words wouldn’t come.

She dialed.

It rang.

She hung up.

“Y/N?” Jensen scrambled to unlock the call but his fingers slid across the screen. By the time he swiped properly, she was gone. The call dropped, emptiness ringing in his ear. “Y/N!”

Two stools away, a large bald man groaned. “Hey, keep it down!”

Jensen glared, drunken rage swelling in his gut. “Excuse me?” He barely made it to his feet, knocking over his stool.

The man tried to ignore him. “Just stop your yellin’.” He lifted his pint glass. “I came here to drink, not listen to you moan and cry.”

Green eyes narrowed and plump lips scowled. “I’m having a bad day.”

“We all are, buddy,” the man laughed.

Jensen lost it, stumbling forward and slamming his fist down on the bar in front of the man. “You laughing at me? Do you know who the fuck I am?”

The man stood and Jensen’s eyes rose with him. He was a good half a foot taller and nearly twice as wide.

Calmly, the giant shook his head at Jensen. “I don’t give a fuck who the fuck you are. I just want you to shut up.”

Without hesitation, Jensen let his fist fly. A sloppy right hook landed on the man’s jaw, but he barely flinched. Jensen was too low, too drunk, too weak to put any power behind it.

The stranger sighed and shook his head. “I’m gonna ask you to walk away, brother. Just once.”

Jensen laughed at the warning and took another swing, connecting with the man’s open palm.

“I warned you.”

She almost didn’t answer. What would be the point? Another fight, another five hour crying session that ended with nothing?

Jensen’s dimpled smile flashed on her screen and she gave in.

“Hey.”

His breathing was labored as he croaked her name. “Y/N…”

“Jen? Where are you? What happened?”

“Can you-” His voice was weak, throat torn from whiskey and unfiltered screams. “Baby please come get me. Please. I need you.”

“Which way?” she asked, hands at ten and two on the rented convertible’s wheel.

He looked up at the sky, swollen eyes and broken nose aching as he peered at the darkness. There were no stars; the city was too bright to see anything but an artificial glow.

“West.” He reached across the seat and lay his hand on her tight. “I always wanted to drive with you down the California coast.”

Hope swirled in her gut but she pushed it away. This wasn’t an apology, this wasn’t a reunion trip. This was one last weekend. One last goodbye.

Y/N sighed and took his hand, lifting his bruised knuckles to her lips. “West it is.”

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