we-refuse-to-regret

[we-refuse-to-regret]

Things Like This Happen All The Time

E: Honey, I'm home!

L: Heeey

E: Who is that umbrella with you?

L: Oh, that? just an... old acquaintance

E: I don't believe you! How can you do this to me after all we've been through??

L: I'm sorry, but... this umbrella.

L: He UNDERSTANDS me.

L: He pays attention to me

L: HE GIVES ME WHAT I NEED OKAY

E: So I don't? like yeah, what about the cane and the lamp, were they also more understanding than I?

L: You leave them out of this! Cane, lamp, don't listen.

E: You think this should be private? Why can't everything be on sight? What else do you have to hide??

L: Nothing! I swear! I really didn't mean for it to go like this...

E: Yeah, so the umbrella just HAPPENED to be there and it just HAPPENED, and it's not your fault?

L: Yes! I mean- no! I mean- Just let me explain! He needed a place to stay!

E: Yea right

L: And since you were out, I thought, well, he could stay over....

L: I couldn't just leave him out in the rain!

E: HE IS AN UMBERELLA, HIS *WORK* IS TO STAY IN THE RAIN

L: WELL WHAT IF HE WAS THINKING ABOUT TRYING SOMETHING NEW

L: You're... you're so inconsiderate! I don't think I can take this anymore.

E: Neither do I.

E: I'm leaving you.

L: You can have the wedding china.

L: I never liked them anyway.

E: Oh, thanks.

L: Goodbye, John.

E: Fuck off, Sherlock

[we-refuse-to-regret]

A Polly/Apollo fanfiction (requested by wellflipmyburger)

Rated: unadulterated crack

“Look what I’ve got!”

Apollo yawned loudly. What was it this time? Hopefully not pudding. He’d started at the Wright Anything Agency a year ago, and all the minibar in the corner ever had to offer was pudding. Tapioca pudding. Also grape juice. Apollo had tried to stock it up with other food, like sandwiches and salads, but they would disappear into Mr. Wright’s void-like stomach before he could shout “OBJECTION!”. Shivering slightly, he swiveled around in his chair and faced the door. Mr. Wright had a cage covered with a blanket in his hand and he was grinning widely. That was never a good sign.

“What is it, Mr. Wright?” Apollo groaned.

“Say hello to Polly!” Mr. Wright threw the blanket in the air like a magician revealing his top hat and the bird inside it. Hold on, there was a bird!

“Long story short, this bird needed an owner. It’s been kept as evidence for nine years, and the detectives couldn’t afford to feed her anymore. I thought Trucy could introduce her to her magic acts.” 

“Uhh… I don’t know where to begin…A bird as evidence? And it’s still alive after 9 years?”

“Yes.”

“Huh.”

“I’ll just put her on this desk. Go on and say hi!”

The strange ex-lawyer waltzed out of the office as quickly as he had entered, leaving Apollo in the cluttered office with the new pet. It was quite pretty: clear black eyes, smooth red feathers… Apollo opened the cage and began to pet it very cautiously.

“Oh, you are beautiful, just… breathtaking, you are.” The bird looked back at him and caw’d softly. Apollo began to play with the parrot’s wings, tickling them.

“Polly…” he sighed.

“Oh, Apollo…squack.” the bird said.

Apollo froze. Did the bird just-

Of course, it was a parrot, he reminded himself. And what a parrot! He felt attracted to this bird. There was no other way he could describe it. He just wanted to pet it all night long. He sighed once again, only this time out of delight. Polly looked at him softly. They were meant to be. He took the bird from its cage and let it perch on her finger. Polly nibbled on his fingertips. Apollo gasped. It felt…wonderful. He kissed it softly on its head again and again, soon nibbling on its feathers. Polly squacked with joy and bit his bottom lip so hard it began to bleed. Apollo didn’t care. The two were eating each other up in ecstasy.

That evening, Phoenix returned to the office and found the Apollo in a corner, curled up in a ball, crying. He was surrounded with crimson feathers.

“Apollo! What happened?”

“I… I ate her. I ate Polly!” Apollo broke down into uneven sobs. Phoenix looked at him, then at the feathers at the ground, then back to Apollo and crouched behind him. Apollo wept into his employer’s gray hoodie and heard him whisper into his ear:

“Your love could never be.”

[we-refuse-to-regret]

Giving you the crackiest pairing I can think of to start to off. Polly/Polly. And by that I mean Apollo/Polly (that creepy bird). AHAHA. CAN YOU HANDLE IT!?

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

[we-refuse-to-regret]

We're up!

Start sending us ideas!