weeklymusings-blog

[weeklymusings-blog]

gender & sexuality

Growing up, gender and sexuality never really influenced me too much. In part, I believe it was because of my environment— I went to an all-girls school and never interacted with other people outside of that too often. Thus, rather than thinking about those concepts, I simply was. In the same way, the people around me were just people. Of course, we had our “tomboys” and “girly girls” but those didn’t mean much to us.

My first memory of a prominent encounter with gender and sexuality was when my close friend told me they were agender. I was confused because it was an unfamiliar word and concept. However, I loved and accepted them nonetheless, even if I had no idea what they were talking about. They were my friend first and foremost after all.

In many ways, I supposed my upbringing gave me a privilege others didn’t have. I saw people as people first, before any other characteristic. I was never really influenced by prejudices other people were told growing up. However, the reality is that this isn’t true for everyone. Many people, including some of my closest friends, have significant parts of their identity shaped by their gender and sexuality.

At the end of the day, there’s a good chance that we’ll be stunned at how other people present themselves. It might be surprising to us at times, but that doesn’t give us the excuse to treat others any differently. No matter how similar or different we are, we’re all just humans trying to make our way through life.

[weeklymusings-blog]

Gender and Sexuality

Gender and sexuality can be very complicated issues for young people. People identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans or intersex (LGBTI) often face discrimination, bullying or violence, and experience much higher incidents of mental health issues as a result.

Furthermore, it is important that young people discuss gender and sexuality, and realize that both are incredibly diverse and that it is healthy to explore gender and sexuality. If an individual is struggling with their gender or sexuality it can often be helpful to talk to someone, such as a counselor, parent or teacher.

One powerful aspect of culture and a reason cultural norms feel so natural is that we learn culture the way we learn our native language: without formal instruction, in social contexts, picking it up from others around us, without thinking. Soon, it becomes deeply embedded in our brains. Overall, it is just so important that every one of us becomes more open-minded and accept each and every one of us. 

[weeklymusings-blog]

in between. [gender and sexuality - blog post #7]

Something that has always been bothering me growing up is why I was never like other girls in terms of how I act. I can never act “hot” or “sexy” or “elegant” or any of those nice adjectives that men like to tag women with. I’ve always been “loud” and “brash” and “boyish”. As I grew older I learned to embrace my feminine side, but it confused me as to why I still could never get boys to like me. Perhaps it was because I still sat with my legs wide open even if I wore a dress, or how I just could never give up my pair of sneakers for sandals or doll shoes. Perhaps it’s in the way I would casually slap a hand on the back of a guy friend, slipping in words like “pare”, “bro”, and “dude” in between sentences simply out of habit.

How I express my gender is something that still confuses me today. I want to be feminine and wear dresses and feel like a queen, but I also want to be masculine and spread my legs open when I sit, laugh loudly, feel siga, and wear a pair of sneakers every time I wear a dress simply because I just don’t feel like myself without them. I’m not exactly androgynous, because I’m always on either side of the spectrum. Perhaps in terms of my gender expression, I’m gender fluid, but still heterosexual in regards to my sexual identity.

In a society where there are strict placed norms on what defines femininity and masculinity, it is so important to have this discussion. I don’t want anyone else thinking that they are unlikeable or unattractive simply because the way they express who they are just don’t match society’s norms. It also doesn’t help that in looking for partners, these norms are written into these scripts. Can’t we just like who we want to like? Be who we want to be, and just wait for the one who sees you for who you are and let them love you for being so. If we could all just agree that everyone should love one another without norms, without standards, but simply because of the beauty they find in one another?

[weeklymusings-blog]

navigating digital spaces

DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD WANT DONE TO YOU — the golden rule applies at every aspect of life, but most especially in the digital spaces.

DO THINK BEFORE YOU POST — whatever is on the internet is there forever. we can delete posts, but always assume that there is someone who saw it and will remember it.

DO REMEMBER THE HUMAN — behind every profile is a real living human, who has thoughts and feelings of their own.

DO SEE BEYOND THE HAPPY — we only post the highlights of our lives on social media. whatever we see is never the full story.

DO BE CAUTIOUS — for all intents and purposes, every person you encounter in the digital spaces is a stranger. be careful about sharing private information, and keeping your accounts well protected.

[weeklymusings-blog]

navigating digital spaces 101

1. Keep in mind that every move you make on the internet is public. No matter how you set the privacy settings of a post, it is ultimately archived and kept by big companies.

2. remember that what you type and post may come across differently to different people. Be careful with what you say, what you show, and what you post. Think of what kind of message you want to relay before you think of the words you should use.

3. correspondingly, remember to be rational. Not everything you see or read is perceived the same way you do. Learn the capability to understand beyond the screen.

4. ultimately, you control your social media accounts, your gadgets, and even the internet. Do not let it control you. There is a bigger world outside of the screens. Allow yourself to make use of the internet as a learning space and a platform to gain information that you can use in your life. The internet is not the world itself.

[weeklymusings-blog]

how to internet: 6 guidelines for safe & optimal navigation of digital spaces

1. think before you click. 

really cliche piece of advice, but remember that in a world of screenshots and edit history, every move you make on the internet is archived. 

2. remember that your words can be read in different tones. 

as multimodal as communication has been on the internet, remember that words have different connotations and can be read differently. what may seem normal to you may seem offensive to another person. do not think in absolutes, provide context, and always thoroughly explain why you think the way you do. 

3. know that the world is so much bigger than it seems. 

the internet has made the world so much smaller because of the connection that it enables between people from different places all over the globe. at the same time however, this means that people of different cultures are now given access to whatever you say. take this into consideration. be empathetic in all that you do. 

4. and at the same time, remember that the internet is a big place, too. 

life can get scary. and in a time where things are constantly changing, it can sometimes be difficult to find a place that feels like home. this is where the internet can help -- use it constructively, and you can use it as a tool to find like-minded people for all types of interests and discussions. 

5. you reap what you sow -- so, sow good seeds. 

the internet is a double-edged sword; it is capable of both distracting you and fostering your vices -- but at the same time, it can also give you the tools you need to learn and to become the best version of yourself. with how it links multiple cultures and interests together, it allows you to explore your identity to know more of who you are. it all depends on the communities you choose to follow and the content you choose to engage with.

6.  you control what you consume. 

the beauty of new media lies in the change of its power dynamics -- we are no longer limited to whatever channels our television had and whatever content that channels shows us. new media democratizes a vast amount of information. as we are freer than ever to publish our own content, we are also freer than ever to control the content we consume -- and to find more content if we find that what we currently have does not satisfy us. 

the internet has brought about many new opportunities -- in information, exploration, and human connection. and with this great strength, it becomes a weapon. we must recognize the power and downfalls that this entails, and as all weapons should be treated, must always choose to wield it well. 

[weeklymusings-blog]

Navigating Digital Spaces

As social as mobile technology enables us to be, it additionally grants a feeling of freedom and independence which decreases our feeling of network even as we work to be increasingly associated- it’s a strange phenomenon no uncertainty. However, we need to acknowledge that our online spaces are shared spaces, and we welcome others into those spaces we partake in mobile social practices. Mobile technology has expanded our capacity to interface with one another.  The first rule is that don’t make people uncomfortable. Always keep your posts as positive as possible. You wouldn’t want your followers or your friends to see how awful your life is all the time and show that happiness can be contagious. Second, be authentic. Your online and offline selves should always be the same. Don’t lie- the information will circle back to someone who can out you. Third and last is, respect others own digital spaces. If you want them to respect yours, you should also do the same for there are a different culture, opinion, and different people that can see your posts.

[weeklymusings-blog]

the dos and don’ts of navigating digital spaces. [guidelines - blog post #6]

#1. Choose the people you follow wisely.

        i. The people you follow on digital spaces should be those that share content you are interested in, while remaining accountable for the problematic things they share.

         ii. Ensure that the things you see on the digital platforms are accurate and critical.

#2. Be critical of the things you see online.

         i. In this digital age, anything can be edited and manipulated into looking realistic.

         ii. When reading about important issues and before forming judgements about anyone or anything, make sure to do your research regarding all angles of the matter from credible sources.

#3. Always be kind and rational.

         i. Never fight fire with fire. When someone causes a dispute with you online, do not engage with hostility.

         ii. Treat others with kindness; you never know the context of the person behind the other screen, so you might as well be someone who gives them hope.

#4. Remain open-minded.

         i. Recognize that there are still so many things you don’t know about, and that digital spaces have an overwhelming amount of information. Understand that there is so much to learn, all the while utilizing Guideline #2 when absorbing information.

        ii. Do not judge other people online too quickly. You don’t know them personally and they are not always worth the anxiety.

       iii. Be friendly and open to the possibility of forming friendships online. They could be from across the globe and be helpful sources of insight, widening your horizons.

[weeklymusings-blog]

my current location and future destination. [identity - blog post #5]

Looking back at my own life isn’t always a pleasant journey. There are so many things I know and don’t know, things I remember and things I’ve forgotten. The unknown has always affected me somehow, in one way or another. Looking back at my own life forces me to face my humanity in its rawest state, with all the bruises and scars attached. It can be so easy to pull off a facade, to make people think that I know everything that I need to know at this season of my life.

But the reality is, no, I don’t. At this point of my life, to use the Marcian lenses,  I’m a moratorium, a skeptic constantly questioning the decisions laid before me. What ifs never fail to run through my mind before making any kind of decision. I never know what is worth committing to. Under the Eriksonian lenses, I am still in the sixth stage, where my moratorium self struggles with the balance between isolation and intimacy. I don’t know who is truly to be trusted, to whose hands can I place my whole heart. Despite my young adult age, I believe I am still in my latency psychosexual stage, still figuring out how I can deal with people and myself as I place myself in society. As I emerge into adulthood, I am certain that I want to help people, whether in the macro or micro level, yet I struggle figuring out on which platform I should invest my time in-- whether I should help people through the use of the law, of education, or of the arts. What career is going to be worth submerging myself in, one that I can push through for until the end?

So, so many questions. As depicted in the attached picture, I feel like a minuscule astronaut just floating in space, in awe of its vastness, of what lies beyond my limited human eyesight. Beyond all these questions are a couple of certainties, the aspirations I have for when I grow older-- I want to have a family of my own, a stable enough income to provide for my family’s needs and to provide for anything my mother may want or need in the future. This aspiration I have for myself is a distant planet, and for now there’s a couple of light years full of stars and asteroids between us. I am an astronaut floating in space, but slowly yet surely, I am floating towards that planet. I just need to appreciate the stars and asteroids that fly by my way.

[picture belongs to tobiasfonseca.com]

[weeklymusings-blog]

Follow One Course Until Success

In the aspect of identity formation, I believe that I fall under Identity Achievement, through the values, religion, beliefs and my commitment to sports. I am able to commit and feel confident in the paths that I chose. At the same time, I also fall into Identity Moratorium. This is where the stage of my life still gets confused about what course and career I should take and will take in the future. I am still exploring various commitments and is ready to make choices, but I do not make commitments to these choices yet.

In the aspect of psychosocial stage, I am currently in the stage of young adult or “Intimacy vs. Isolation”. During this period, we begin to share ourselves more intimately with others. I explore relationships leading toward longer-term commitments with someone and I am struggling with forming any romantic relationships as a result of attending college. However, my friendships have become closer than ever. Because of my close friendships, I feel like I am somewhat successful in this stage. I know in myself that I am not afraid to commit to different kinds of relationship, but for now, I just enjoy what I have and am waiting for the right time and the right person.

Under the psychosocial perspective, I believe that I am already in the Genital stage, where I still wait for the right person. One of the things my parents taught me and still value up to now is, having sexual intercourse after marriage.

One of the issues regarding emerging adulthood is the expectations of my parents in both my academics and in my sport. Sometimes I tend to not perform well in both because of the pressure that is on my shoulders. I always think of what they will react based on the results. But still, I try my best to do well in both so that they can even be prouder.

I hope to be more mature in making decisions and have closer bonds to the people who I have been to where I am now. Also, I hope to plant more positivity in me and as much as possible throw all the negativities.

I started from nothing and is growing even more. I need sunlight or someone to guide me to be able to achieve what I wanted. Once I reached my goal, I will become more beautiful and willing to help others just like a growing plant. It may have stopped growing, but I won’t stop.

 (picture not mine) https://christihegstad.com/blog/planting-seeds-positive-mindset/

[weeklymusings-blog]

“alone, you’ll go quicker. together, you’ll go farther.”

[gif isn’t mine. retrieved from https://gph.is/1njFwhm]  I chose a blooming cherry blossom tree which had falling petals as a symbol of where I am and where I aspire to be. Like a cherry blossom, I know that like all people, I have the capacity to be good -- there is the best version of myself inside of me that can be developed through grit, rigor, and forming good habits. The cherry blossom tree is where I am now. How it blooms, how it’s petals fall from its branches, how it’s goodness attracts people all over the world to come see it -- is how I wish to be in the future. Like its falling petals, I would like to one day give parts of myself to people -- I want to take the goodness I have developed and I want to share it to the world that helped nurture me. Like how it attracts people through its beauty, I want to be that adult that one day inspires people because of the goodness of who they are. And like the symbol’s form -- a gif, rather than a still moving photo, I want to constantly be in the process of moving -- of becoming -- perhaps I will never truly commit and stay with one thing -- because the world is a bit too big to say yes to one thing (other than goodness) for forever.

Identity Formation With regards to my identity formation, I’d say that much of my identity has gone through some sort of crisis at one point. Growing up, I always had these strict definitions of what I should be -- even if these weren’t in line with what I actually wanted. Abiding by these defined rules because I thought they were “right” made me a generally principled person, but it became negative when I started bringing these “shoulds” to things like hobbies, interests, career, and friends -- among other things that are better based off of preference and genuine delight, rather than the idea of societally defined standard. Now that I’m older, I hope to learn from that mistake. I am now fond of the thought that what I might become is better than what I had initially planned. Thus, I think that a lot of my identity is in the stage of moratorium -- and I’m actually quite happy with that. When we first discussed this lesson, I used to think that Identity Achieved was the ideal state, but reflecting on it now, I’ve come to realize that while commitment is admirable, there is also still something to admire in the unknown and the openness of oneself to that. As Gretchen Ruben once said in her book, The Happiness Project, “the days are long but the years are short” -- sometimes, life can pass you by pretty quickly, yet it’s still a pretty long journey ahead. And to know that this journey is filled with spontaneous side stops and unexpected turns excites me. While there are certain things that I know that I want -- like my love for dance and performance, like movement, like my bisexuality, and like my desire to enact social change -- I know that the only real non-negotiable, the only real aspect I want to commit to is love and happiness. And I like to think that everything else will follow. I’d say that my ego identity is someone that’s constantly optimistic, shares a lot of her thoughts and ideas, and is generally bubbly. On the other hand, I think that my personal identity was me trying to fight off stereotypes in my adolescence, since my personality just really wasn’t linear. For example, something I often thought is: was I the typical responsible student with good grades that recited a lot? or was I the pasaway student that liked to crack jokes and sometimes played the devil’s advocate in class debates? Apparently, they aren’t mutually exclusive. The fun part is that I could be both. Lastly, with regards to my social identity, I tend to be the leader when it comes to group projects because I have a certain standard. However, when it comes to me with my group of friends, I tend to be the more childlike friend that my friends find irresponsible that needs to be taken care of, and is kind of dumb. Whether I actually am like that, or whether it’s actually a brand -- I don’t really know. But both are examples of how I function or act, depending on the social setting. 

Psychosocial stage In terms of my psychosocial stage, I am in the Young Adult stage, since the stage fits my age bracket and describes how I feel in terms of my social interactions with others. Although my values and ideologies are constantly in development, I think that I have a good sense of what they are, and am now more focused on how I relate with others. In the past, I was more preoccupied with a lot of my individual goals and generally trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I focused on myself more when I was younger because there were things that needed fine tuning, and now that that’s done, I think I’m better equipped to give more of my attention to others. Whereas I could have gone not talking to people or not valuing my friendships as much before, I now give more importance to the relationships I have with other people. Growing up has also made me a bit more mature, and has improved my relationships with my family members as well. The manifestations of this stage can be seen through how I hang out with my friends more often, spend more quality time with my family, and admittedly, in the longing for intimacy -- have had a few more intense crushes.

Psychosexual stage With regards to my psychosexual stage, I am in the genital stage, which begins in adolescence. I don’t think I really feel much of the sexual desires that Freud described in this stage -- or at least not in the intensity of the way he described it. While the occasional thought of being intimate with a girl crosses my mind from time to time, I wouldn’t really say that it’s as intense as Freud makes it out to be. Either that, or maybe it’s because I’m still figuring out my identity. I know that I can fall for a guy or girl, but when it comes to actual intimacy -- I think I’m either asexual or I’d only ever be intimate with a girl. Honestly, it’s still kind of grosses me out. That aside however, I do agree that it’s in this stage where the conflict between my ego and superego occurs. While I am still idealistic (as represented by the superego) and assertive (as represented by the id) with regards to the things I want, through experience, I’ve come to realize that I need to balance these two aspects of myself (as represented by the ego) in order to effectively function -- or in simpler terms, in order to be truly happy. While there isn’t anything wrong with idealism or assertion, to allow both to run unmitigated has usually resulted in overscheduling or biting off more than I could chew -- to let both rule my life makes me unrealistic and unreasonable with my schedule because I don’t let myself rest. As I grew older, I’ve started to realize the importance of still balancing those two aspects with realism -- and so when I plan my life out, I’m now in the process of learning to give myself some breathing room -- room to make mistakes, to process a day’s events, and to just rest and be.

Issues of emerging adulthood In terms of learning “how to adult”, I’ve seen this manifest through how I’m becoming more conscious with my spending habits, as well as how I’m trying to learn how to commute -- although little by little. I’m also starting to take more initiative with regards to the things that I enjoy doing. For example, when I was a kid, my mom would be the one to enroll me in my ballet lessons -- or any set of extracurricular classes for that matter. She’d be the one to find a studio, to inquire about their rates and schedules, to ask about trial classes so we could compare between places or teachers, and to make the overall final decision of where I’d go. Now that we don’t live together anymore and now that I’m older and further exploring, I’m the one that calls places and asks about those things. Although it’s just for hobbies and interests, in a way it gives me a sense of control over my own life. I feel like I’m starting to become more independent, and although it comes with more responsibility, I like the fact that I’m the one accountable for these things because it’s something within my control.

Like all positives however, this also comes with its own set of negatives. Being accountable means making my own decisions, and having to stick through and live with them. For instance, I have to choose what tracks to take since I’m an AB Interdisciplinary Studies major. It isn’t a choice my parents can make for me anymore -- nor is it something I can just keep ignoring in the hopes that it would one day go away. Since I do recognize how important it is though, in line with me generally being in the moratorium stage, I think that I’m letting myself explore too, and I acknowledge that what I choose doesn’t have to be final (although it’d be beneficial if it is). Thankfully, I’m in a course where we can keep changing our minds.

Aspirations for adulthood Although quite abstract, when I grow up, I have this vague idea of me being financially stable, having some pretty cool stuff, maybe teaching a bit, doing some sort of creative job that I’m passionate about and made good friends through, and on the weekends, I’d be doing some sort of volunteer work. I’d balance that weekend alongside with catching up with family and friends from high school or college. Maybe I’d be living in my own place too -- I’m not entirely sure though -- but I do want to be with my parents regardless. I wasn’t able to spend much time with them growing up, and I’d like to do that now and when I get older. I like the idea of growing up to be someone that generally has a sunshine glow and positive aura -- that knows her morals and stands up for what’s right. Someone that’s politically aware, too, and kind to everyone. I really just want to be happy, fulfilled, loving, and healthy. It isn’t only an aspiration for adulthood though -- but really something I want for the rest of my life.

[weeklymusings-blog]

There had always been comfort in sadness for me, it is a feeling I think I have grown accustomed to just because I think of it as the absence of happiness. Although, most of the time, that is not exactly the case. These two emotions help me become stronger in every way. I do not see any of them as an enemy feeling and I have adjusted myself not to run away from any of these feelings.

[weeklymusings-blog]

mind and heart. - [blog post #4]

For some reason, I always tend to feel wonder whenever good things happen to me. Good occurrences never fail to surprise and delight me. When these things happen, I gain the motivation to look at things under a positive light-- I become more optimistic. In terms of my faith, it’s in these situations that remind me that God still loves me. It’s a very euphoric feeling.

Whenever bad things happen, especially when I put much time and effort into the situation, I have the tendency to put myself down. I beat myself up for expecting good things to happen to me, especially things I’d consider too good to be true. I think that I should have done things differently, or I start to regret my actions that led up to the bad activating event. When I feel this way, I isolate myself in order to process my feelings so that I can rationalize my thoughts. 

[weeklymusings-blog]

[weeklymusings-blog]

kabuuan ng loob

Based on my understanding of loob in Alejo’s article, I’ve come to realize that the more local aspects of my personality (i.e. the fact that I consciously try to support more local goods and services rather than imported ones) correspond more to the concept of loob rather than labas. Alejo described loob, as well as its other related concepts, to be related to a form of commitment; it is the embodying of our intentions. Therefore, I can say that the local aspect of my personality (i.e. local-oriented consumerism) is an example of what Alejo described in relation to loob. 

On the other hand, I can say that the more global aspects of my personality (i.e. those which I have a more natural propensity towards) correspond to the concept of labas. Alejo described labas to be something that we can understand the loob in relation to. In contrast to the loob, it isn’t necessarily a commitment (or kabuuan ng loob) to truly do or embody something. With this, the more global aspects of my personality, albeit a bit more natural for me, correspond to the concept of labas since I do not commit to them (or have kabuuan ng loob towards them), and they are elements that one can see in order to further understand me. 

In relation to what Alejo mentioned however, although these parts of myself may seem distinct, they are all actually interrelated once we dive deep and look beneath the surface. Although both ma be contradictory and different, they are still both relevant aspects that must be taken into account kapag may aabot, or when one will extend their hand and try to reach me.

[weeklymusings-blog]

Loob at Labas

I can say that the localized part of my hybrid identity is my “loob”. These identities represent who I really am in front of my family, in what I love to do and with receiving God’s grace. Being true to myself is also part of my “loob”, these helped me become more appreciative and become who I really am.

On the other hand, the globalized part of my identity is more of the “labas”. These identities represent who I am in front of other people who aren’t close to me and these are the things that I need to learn to help me connect to other people. My “loob” and “labas” are the ones that shaped me, and helped me grow through life.

[weeklymusings-blog]

Loob at Labas

February 25, 2019

On the outside, I tend to act quiet and reserved. I think a lot, and I say the very least-- only the most necessary to be said. I don’t laugh or smile a lot, which makes me seem very intimidating. Although, my closest friends know how much I laugh and make jokes when I’m with them. I am also very talkative with people I’m comfortable with, and can talk about anything and everything for once. I am a very private person and I barely post anything on social media, but I take lots of photos and videos which I would never delete because I am a lot more sentimental than I seem. I am very “makulit” with close friends as well, the exact opposite of how I am usually. Those who I treasure the most know my real self, including the things and people I value most in my life. These are all that matters to me and I am the way I am because of these. My “Labas” and “Loob” are exactly how I want them to be, for my own personal reasons.