weirdwildwonderland

[weirdwildwonderland]

9-1-1 | 5.09 “Past Is Prologue”

[weirdwildwonderland]

walking with Jesus by Barbara Crooker

[weirdwildwonderland]

Can you imagine being Bobby and listening to Buck say that the train might crush him and it's heavier than a ladder truck and that's okay because he's rescuing Abby's fiancé?? Then one day Eddie gets shot and Buck climbs a crane in out in the open ready for any sniper to kill him?? Can you imagine being Bobby and intimately knowing that having a kid is like putting your heart outside and watch it be at risk?? And then watching Buck willingly risk his life over and over and having the worst realization that oh that's my kid, that's why my heart is racing, he's my kid now

[weirdwildwonderland]

misc of 911-dogs before tonight's episode. hold my hand.

[weirdwildwonderland]

Chimney and Hen have always been together, like my first mate. Buck is very much like my son. Eddie is a little bit of a reflection of Bobby, in some ways.

- Peter Krause

[weirdwildwonderland]

i would have given everything for a buck may harry scene. they were all bobby’s kids…but buck is clearly Outside the family. even tho he’s not, he is. but like may is the first one on the show to verbalize the fact that buck is bobby’s kid, quoting athena. so they Know. and buck knows they know. and may and harry have spent all their screentime doing what buck’s been doing for the 118, prioritizing their mom and her grief over however they feel. there is such interesting potential for their dynamic as characters but we never really see it, and this was The most interesting time in the show to explore that

[weirdwildwonderland]

buckathena roommates at first is awesome. In the outside world, they both have been doing this shut off bullying ahead thing, pretending to be Okay, pretending to make Steps Forward. Inevitably, because they’re living together, they catch each other. moments of total misery. they see each other. And they realise that they agree. They get drunk together and just let each other see like. How fucking awful they’re feeling. And that’s awesome at first it’s like- come home take off your uniform put on your shitty house clothes and stop pretending to smile. or do anything. they both are there, and they get it. What a relief.

And then it’s like. This thing where- you could go out for drinks with eddie and ravi. and you could go for dinner with hen but. You’re tired. and you know that you could also go home. sit on the couch with your room mate who doesn’t expect you to act human so. It gets really easy to cancel plans. And it gets a little, like, almost addictive. Just to be in the house, this random house they’re renting because neither of them really could give a shit about choosing a place. it’s just. This is the house where they sit on the couch and be sad. And be sad and be sad. And agree that there’s nothing good about the world anymore and that they’re never going to move on and it’s a stand still. And they aren’t allowed to leave the vigil. they’re in the house, on the couch. These clothes are like funeral clothes. There’s no need to pretend like anything.

The rest of the world starts to feel disrespectful. This is where they’re supposed to be, mourning. The state of the place. They stop letting people come over because they’ve unanimously given up on cleaning. they don’t cook and they aren’t taking care of each other. they just let each other. It gets really dark.

Eventually, everybody else agrees it’s a problem. They are snappishly protective of the arrangement. They have both lost weight, are looking and smelling increasingly unkempt, bail on plans. May and Harry tell Athena she Has to move out. Athena replies not with anger but with devastation. How can they ask her to do that? This is helping. This is the only thing that helps. Maddie says this cannot be good for either of you. Buck says she doesn’t get it. She says Buck please. He says she does not get it. Hen says you are hurting each other. Athena says don’t you dare. You don’t know. Eddie, eventually, tells buck: Bobby would hate you for doing this. Bucks head snaps up. Eddie says he would hate this. hate you for doing this to her. He would hate you. That cannot be argued with. Buck tells eddie he will never forgive him for saying that. And then he goes home.

Athena is on the couch. Crying. They don’t always cry. She’s really crying. It’s been a suicide fantasy. The house and the behaviour in the house. It’s been a suicide pact. Buck says I don’t want to go but we have to. Athena says we can’t. Buck says we have to. He’s crying too. They really don’t cry this much. Usually they are numb. They’re numb in their misery and they’re both crying now because it’s over and they have to go and live in the world that he’s not in. This has been like a little way of dying. And they really aren’t allowed to do that.

In the end, neither of them stays. Athena moves into hen and Karen’s guest room for a couple months. Then gets a place with rooms for may and harry that they use frequently while she does the work of learning to live alone. The house is clean and beautiful. Buck moves in with Maddie and chim. Spends a lot of time taking really good care of jee and Robbie. Spends a lot of time at Chris and Eddie’s.

They don’t talk- Buck and athena. They never really say it but they just go cold turkey. See each other at group events. Look at each other. Miss it, feel ashamed. love each other very much. Both feel some sense of thank god it’s over, that haunted house. Feel hugely guilty for thinking that. Wonder if they can ever be close again. Wonder how to maintain a healthy part of something that became so wretched.

Some real time later, seemingly out of the blue, Athena invites him to come to her grief group. It doesn’t feel out of the blue. They pick up the conversation they’d started to have, right at the beginning. The conversation they were going to have that they couldn’t, didn’t ever really have. Not in an actually meaningful way. because it was too close, and so it had gotten away from them, gotten twisted. It had been easier to just die, rot, and fester. That was not the meaningful conversation. That was the easy conversation. That was not the conversation about bobby. So they get to this grief group, and actually have it.

[weirdwildwonderland]

Bobby & Buck 9-1-1, S8

[weirdwildwonderland]

BUCK & BOBBY ★ PRAYING FOR / PRAYING TO

[weirdwildwonderland]

two months after bobby’s death, chimney tells them about the desk.

everyone had been sharing stories about how bobby was always so excited to get feedback from them, and how they felt like they were glued to that desk until they threw him a bone. and very quietly, chimney confessed that he hasn’t had the heart to go through it since he took up captaincy. and athena tells him that just won’t do. that she’s finally ready to get this last look into his life.

and so they go through it. a lot of it is expected- paperwork, pens, the framed photos of athena and the kids chimney had gently placed in the drawer. but a lot of it is unexpected. there are dozens and dozens of newspaper clippings. big saves throughout the years.

hen with that little girl in the earthquake. eddie saving the boy from the well. buck leading the rescue at the overpass collapse. in the article about the cruise ship, when it describes who alerted the coast guard, bobby has crossed out LAPD and clarified. Hen.

there’s a box of recipe cards, and buck eagerly flips through them, holding each one like it's sacred. he goes to give them to athena, who pushes them back towards his chest. and she says he’d want you to have them and when he goes to argue, she just tells him he’s in charge of barbecues from now on, and he starts really crying.

chimney hands her a stack of receipts paperclipped together, from dates and dinners throughout the years, including the bill for their very first one. and now she’s watery eyed too.

chimney starts laughing because he finds a handwritten draft of a speech bobby prepared for him and maddie’s wedding, a particularly sentimental section annotated too cheesy? and yes, chimney says, very cheesy, but he’s choked up anyways. 

the last thing they pull out is his notes from when he interviewed eddie. it’s a glowing review. hard worker, veteran, level-headed. buck peaks over his shoulder as he reads it, pointing to the scribble that says respects authority. jokes that bobby might’ve missed the mark on that one. at the end of the list of praises, circled:

good for buck. 

and he can’t argue with that one. so, he just smiles at eddie, who’s smiling right back. they all leave the office carrying memories. and as chimney sits in the captain's chair of the empty office, he reads the one thing he kept inside. a crinkled sticky note he’s stuck to the bottom of a drawer, taken from his last performance review.

Chimney leadership- needs push.

[weirdwildwonderland]

DIAZ PARENTS VS. BOBBY NASH

[Image desc: 14 small GIFs from 9-1-1.

Row 1: Helena doubting Eddie’s parenting capabilities, telling him, “Don’t drag him down with you, Eddie,” vs. Bobby affirming his faith in Eddie’s parenting when Shannon believes she might be pregnant, “If you two do decide to have another baby, you’ll figure it out. We already know you’re a great dad.”

Row 2: Ramon insulting Shannon right after she died, “How [was Shannon brave]? By running out on [Christopher]?” vs. Bobby gently reminding Eddie that Shannon didn’t leave, “She died, Eddie.”

Row 3: Eddie repeating his dad’s philosophy for dealing with emotions, “Whenever stuff didn’t work out for me, my dad always told me to brush it off, keep moving forward,” vs. Bobby encouraging Eddie to allow himself to process his feelings, “Eddie, I just wanna make sure you don’t think you have to lose everything before you can allow yourself to feel anything.”

Row 4: Ramon telling Eddie, “Christopher needs consistency,” as Eddie considers a new career option vs. Bobby hugging Eddie when Eddie tells him he’s changing careers for his son.

Row 5: Helena expressing her disappointment in Eddie’s parenting, “You don’t have time for what matters most. Christopher,” vs. Bobby asking Eddie when he has ever failed his son, “When did you let him down before?”

Row 6: Helena expressing doubt in Eddie’s ability to be a single father, “But she’s gone - and you are a single father, again, okay, and the hours you work, Eddie - Come home,” vs. Bobby providing Eddie the support he needs to handle single fatherhood when Eddie asks, “I didn’t know where to take [Christopher].” - “Yeah, you did. Right here [to the firehouse].”

Row 7: Ramon expressing his pride when Eddie comes home from the army with a Silver Star as Eddie protests, “I’m not a hero,” vs. Bobby expressing his pride in Eddie becoming a full firefighter while Eddie smiles at him.

/end ID]

[weirdwildwonderland]

#Happy Pride Month to this guy 🏳️‍🌈

[weirdwildwonderland]

Last light

Ko-fi ✨🌻

[weirdwildwonderland]

Peter Krause as Captain Robert “Bobby” Nash 9-1-1, S1-S8

[weirdwildwonderland]

it’s here!! the project i have not been able to shut up about!! Party Favor TUA PMV!!!

i started this in march and worked on it continuously until now; literally, my ability to draw humans and backgrounds has evolved throughout. the project means a lot to me, as well as the story and characters featured in it, so please if you think it’d interest you, check it out and tell me what you think! :D

[weirdwildwonderland]

Incorrect 9-1-1 + text posts (part 47/??) prev || next

[weirdwildwonderland]

911 as text posts 8/?