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welisentandwedontjudge · 2 months ago

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Disclaimers: They are adults. This is an Alternative-Universe. Wendy barely knows them as she think they are weird.

—

A blood-curdling scream echoed through the apartment.

It wasn’t just any ordinary scream—not the kind Robbie was used to at least. And Robbie has heard Dipper scream plenty of times. But this? This scream was different. It was gut-wrenching and bone-chilling; it was the kind that was reserved exclusively for witnessing a murder or, worse, stubbing your pinky toe on the corner of a coffee table.

Robbie didn’t think twice. He took off running down the hall faster than he ever thought was possible, socks skidding against the hardwood floor, nearly face planting as he rounded the corner. His heart was pounding. Was it a ghost? Or maybe one of those nightmare-inducing creatures his boyfriend likes to chase around?

But when he reached the bathroom, he found Dipper frozen in place, staring into the open doorway.

“What?!” Robbie demanded, scanning for potential danger. “What happened?”

Dipper silently raised his trembling hand and pointed into the bathroom.

Robbie followed his gaze, expecting something horrific.

Instead his eyes meet something worse…something more dangerous than any creature Dipper had ever fought.

A spider.

Not just any spider, a huge spider. Robbie had no clue what kind of spider it was, but, boy, it was pure nightmare fuel. It was so big Robbie was sure it could work a 9-5 and file taxes.

Robbie immediately took a step back. “Yeah, sorry, Pinecone. I’m out.”

“But—but you are taller!” Dipper hissed, looking over at Robbie with what could almost be considered betrayal, but in reality was a sorry excuse for manipulation that would not work on Robbie. Again. Huge spider. Nope.

“The fuck does height have to do with attempted murder?! Have you seen the size of that thing?!” Robbie shot back. “You are smarter; figure it out.”

“Goddamnit, Robbie.” Dipper muttered, turning back to the open bathroom. His body tensed.

“Robbie?”

“I already told you, I’m not going anywhere near that thing.”

“No, babe. It’s gone.”

“What?!”

Robbie’s stomach dropped. He looked over Dipper’s shoulder, and sure enough, yup. It was gone. He quickly reached over Dipper, closing the door with more force than necessary. It was almost a reflex.

“If it is gone,” Dipper started slowly as if solving a particularly hard puzzle. “Then it means… oh my god. Is somewhere else in the apartment.”

Well, that was it. They couldn’t live here anymore. The spider had won.

“Okay,” Robbie said, early calm, placing a hand on Dipper’s waist, steering him away from the now-closed door. “This is the plan. We grab the essentials, and we leave.”

Dipper nodded, “Good idea; it can keep the lease.”

—

Wendy should have kept the food container. They were plastic; they wouldn’t miss it, she was sure.

But she was new in town, and she had to play nice with her nice and very welcoming weird neighbors. She didn’t need bad blood between them, especially over plastic containers. And well, they weren’t that bad—just… odd. Running around at odd hours and sneaking around weirdly shaped bags. Not like human-shape bags, she didn’t think they were murdered, but those shapes were not normal. So, yeah, her neighbors were strange, and also—kind of cute. Like an old married couple that bickered about anything and everything but were always there for each other.

That being said… They were still weird.

She should’ve turned on her heels and walked back into her apartment, containers and playing nice be damned, after hearing that bone-chilling scream. Instead, because she was also clearly not normal, she knocked on their door.

The moment it swung open, she took an instant step back, surprised at the quickness of answering the door. There was no way they were desperate for these containers, right?

Her neighbors stood in the doorway—pale, frantic, and looking like they’d prepared for the apocalypse—staring at her with wide, desperate eyes.

“Woah!” She said, raising an eyebrow. “Where’s the fire?”

“Wendy! Hello!” Dipper greeted her, closing the door behind him, his eyes nervously darting around. “Sorry, you caught us at a bad time.”

“Oh? Taking a trip?”

“Actually, we are moving out.” Robbie informed her, balancing two backpacks on his back and a third one on his arm. “Spider.”

Wendy blinked. “Uh—what?”

“It belongs to the spider now,” Robbie said grimly, shaking his head, like that alone could explain the whole situation.

“… What?”

She looked between them, as if doing so would grant her the answer she was looking for. Instead, all she saw was that they were dead serious.

What the hell had she walked into?

“Okay,” she finally said slowly. “So… let me get this straight, just to make sure I have all this correctly. You guys—two grown men—are abandoning your entire apartment because of a—what? A spider?”

“Yes,” Dipper nodded, dead serious.

“Absolutely,” Robbie didn’t even look ashamed.

Wendy blinked, at a loss for words. God—they were so weird. Then she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She was going to regret this, she was sure.

“Alright, wussies. Show me where ‘the big scary spider’ was.”

Robbie and Dipper exchanged worried looks. Then, with the hesitation usually reserved for leading someone to a crime scene, they turned and cracked their apartment door open slowly, as if scouting for danger.

Wendy pushed past them and turned to look at them when they didn’t follow. “Where?”

“Bathroom, down the hallway to your left.” Robbie peered inside before stepping in, closely followed by Dipper.

Wendy didn’t wait for them; when she cracked the bathroom door open and peered inside, she saw nothing.

There was no spider.

“There’s nothing here.”

“It was there,” Dipper insisted. “It was huge. Like genetically modified—“

“Like, ‘probably has a mortgage,’ huge.” Robbie interrupted.

“—And then it kind of just—disappeared.” Dipper finished.

Wendy gave them a flat look. “Right. Well, let’s just look for it.”

Dipper and Robbie exchanged looks, and Wendy just groaned. Yep, she was already regretting her decision to help.

“Fine, I’ll look for it. Move, babies. “

Wendy glanced around, being silently followed by her weird neighbors from a safe distance, of course. She glanced around, checking walls, the ceiling, and behind curtains. All while grumbling to herself something about hunting them if she got bitten. As a last resort, she bent down to inspect the floor—

—and there it was.

The spider sat, big and unmoving, at a corner, partially hidden by the shadow of the sink cabinet.

Huh. Well, Wendy would give them that. It was actually a pretty big spider.

Not ‘burn the apartment down big’ but she could see why these two morons lost their minds over it.

She stood and looked around, grabbing an empty cup from the sink and trapping the spider with it. After a few shouts, she was handed a piece of paper, and she expertly slid it under the rim. Then, standing up, she turned around and held the cup proudly.

“Is this the reason you two were ready to forfeit your security deposit?”

Dipper visibly shuddered. Robbie took a step back, hands raised defensively.

“That’s a monster.” Robbie muttered.

Wendy rolled her eyes, already walking away. “You guys are pathetic. Try not to call 9-1-1 while I’m gone.”

Dipper and Robbie visibly sagged with relief when Wendy exited their apartment with the horrific creature.

“We need to get the apartment sprayed. Immediately.”

“Obviously.” Dipper agreed, already grabbing his phone to google companies near them.

Nobody is the bug killer of this relationship they both hide out on the couch and call up Wendy to deal with the damn thing

#muffin explosion #anonymous #prompt

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