wendigoon

[wendigoon]

E Kennedy Circle, Monroeville, Alabama.

[wendigoon]

part of being close to 30 is that you realize what a fucking unaware dumbass you were in your early 20s

[wendigoon]

why are you rushing if you are eternal?

[wendigoon]

[wendigoon]

La momia azteca | 1957 | dir. Rafael Portillo

[wendigoon]

i get to this point where i notice the longer i talk to them the more they seem “withdrawn” or “bored” like i should scream to liven the place up or something. usually that’s when i “scream”. and when i do i notice not even that helps.. so what’s next and what am i trying to ‘help’?…

i think im helping them by livening up the atmosphere with optimism. but not everyone accepts it and maybe—understandably so. maybe my ways are not appropriate in the moment for most, and that is one of many factors…

so what happens now? i get overwhelmed and decide i’ll just walk away. i want to be near people and do things.. but you later realize as an adult this is more of a challenge in a way. you grow up and now it’s less so about anyone else, more so about you and how much control do you really have over yourself? how much control do you really have over your own sanity?

i walk away because less and less do i see control as something easy to manage. i say “that’s alright, ill leave you alone because my company won’t leave my heart at the bottom of the ocean—or less farther down than you would” and so, i leave.

i know this may not be the best option, but then again.. what really is?

i think it is me saying to them, “i’ll leave you alone with your mute demons to fight”

i know that me and my demons have been mute for a while, but most of them are willing to talk now and sometimes settle their differences with me. that is what makes them better company than you and your ongoing consumption of misery.

[wendigoon]

[wendigoon]

[wendigoon]

[wendigoon]

getting older is realizing you were always dead. so be anything you want.

[wendigoon]

Sunbathing with a bottle of wine in Herastrau Park in Bucharest, Romania in the summer of 1969, by photographer John Bulmer

[wendigoon]

syzygy

[wendigoon]

Abandoned kids theme park ride at Chernobyl.

[wendigoon]

source knows i ask for: my people who i long and look for, courage & bravery with us all, endless travels and memories, a quiet place to give thanks & appreciation

[wendigoon]

[wendigoon]